Chapter 7: I am Error
Despite the fact that she had lived in the same apartment for the equivalent of about 600 human years, Yuki Nagato's home decor was exactly the same as it had been on the day she moved in, which a single notable exception: She now had a library card and a small bookshelf next to her bed, on which she placed the books she borrowed from the library. Nagato was an extremely good patron of the library. She always checked out exactly the limit of books the library allowed its patrons, and returned them promptly and in excellent condition. She had even received a thank you card from the Librarians, along with a couple of old sci-fi books the library had been discarding as a reward.
Nagato now had two extra books on her bookshelf, which she had read innumerable times. The first was Caves of Steel, and the second was The Last Unicorn. She had recently become self aware enough to wonder if someone, perhaps Haruhi Suzumiya, was trying to tell her something with the selected novels. She was still processing that data.
Currently, Nagato was reading Til We Have Faces. It was Sunday, so she could have spent the day in standby mode. This, however, was no longer her habit. Nagato had already prepared herself tea and breakfast, and was now engaging in one of her "hobbies." Humanoid Interfaces were not programmed to have hobbies, but Nagato had developed several at this point.
A knock came at the door, and Nagato carefully closed her book, then stood. As she was walking towards the door, there was further pounding, and a now familiar voice called, "Yuki, we're going on a treasure hunt! Do you want to come!? Kazuma says we won't share but if you help us we'll buy a big dinner and you can have some!"
Yuki opened the door to find the expected individual waiting there. Name: Aqua Mizu. Classification: Goddess? Known associates: Kazuma Sato (Hikineet? Unknown. Further data collection required). Priority: High.
There was a small data corruption in the file, but Yuki allowed it to persist. It was a tag that had cropped up several times before, and Nagato accepted that it was now a part of her, and despite being an error, she thought it was important to allow the tag to remain. The tag in question: Friend.
"I do not know the location of the treasure," Nagato said without preamble.
"Well duh, that's the point of a treasure hunt! Come on, it will be fun! You're not doing anything anyway, right?" Aqua demanded, peering over Yuki into her apartment.
"I was reading."
"Oh. Well that can wait, right? The book isn't going anywhere, but the treasure could be!"
"Yes." Nagato carefully put on her shoes, then her jacket. Her programming was very clear: Proper clothing was vital for blending in to human society. Only, she had violated that programming by wearing the "cosplay outfit." However, data had desperately been required to answer an important query:
Does Kyon have a maid fetish?
Data was still compiling, but the indicated answer was: Yes. Kyon had a maid fetish. Nagato was uncertain what to do with this information, and still did not understand what a fetish was.
Fetish, n. 1. A strong or unusual need or desire for something.
2. A fixation upon an object, body part, or activity for sexual purposes.
3. An object that is believed to have magical powers.
Yuki understood the definition of fetish; she was programmed to understand all words and to be able to use and respond to them verbally. But that did not mean she understood it the way a human would. This bothered her. Further data would need to be collected.
When Nagato presented herself, dressed in clothing that could be considered "casual" with proper shoes on, Aqua Mizu grinned widely at her and slapped Yuki on the back. Aqua Mizu was prone to a variety of emotional outbursts, in an intensity and manner that her programming indicated was "inappropriate" for typical social interaction.
But Aqua was also not human. Her DNA was similar to Yuki's, in that a standard scan with the medical devices of the current technology available to humans would not find any anomalies. But Yuki could find many anomalies. Aqua could manipulate data in a way similar to Yuki, or to Haruhi Suzumiya. Verdict: Aqua was not human.
But she did not cause damage to Yuki's systems either. Or at least, the damage she did cause...they were the sort of errors Yuki was developing spending time with the SOS Brigade. Not exactly the same, there were differences. But Yuki could feel herself evolving. Changing.
And she desperately wanted to change.
Yuki followed Aqua, who said a great many things that did not contain very much data. This was common behavior for Aqua: She nearly constantly talked, but often did not have much to say. This was not a unique phenomenon to her. Many humans spoke a great deal but did not convey much in the way of data.
Yuki did not mind. She struggled to speak enough to convey any data at all. Perhaps she could adjust her runtimes to emulate this form of communication. Would Kyon like that? Unknown. Further analysis required.
That created a whole slew of error messages, but Yuki quashed them all. Kyon was not an error. Or rather, he was, but Yuki liked it.
Liking things was also an error. But an important one.
"Well, I guess you did get her to crawl out of her cave. You're nearly as much of a NEET as I am, aren't you, Yuki?" Kazuma remarked as she leaned against the wall by his apartment.
"What is a NEET?" Nagato asked.
NEET, n. Acronym, informal. Not in Education, Employment, or Training.
"Kazuma," Aqua said fervently. Kazuma responded with a hand gesture that many cultures considered socially inappropriate.
This was not true. Kazuma attended school: thus he was in education. But Aqua persisted in calling him a NEET. It was an error. But one that, somehow, every human that came into contact with Kazuma seemed to find valid. Yuki wished to learn why this error was valid. Spending more time with Kazuma would allow for more data collection.
Kazuma also had the tag: Friend. This was because Kazuma had introduced Yuki to both Smash Brothers, and Starcraft. These were both faulty simulations, similar to the Day of Sagittarius. But better, somehow. They were different, but also similar. It was strange. Yuki very much enjoyed both, even though they were not of any value she could discern.
Despite the errors, Yuki wished to play more Starcraft and Smash Brothers. Would Kyon enjoy playing? What about Mikuru Asahina, Itsuki Koizumi, and Haruhi Suzumiya? While Kyon was the first person that Yuki wished to play Starcraft and Smash Brothers with, she also wished to enjoy those hobbies with others who shared the tag: Friend.
It was a fascinating error sequence.
Yuki accompanied Aqua and Kazuma on their excursion to look for the treasure. Their behavior was well outside of the boundaries of social norms that Yuki had established in her observations of humans over the past 600 years. They were overly physical with one another in both aggressive and affectionate ways. They might poke and prod one another, inflict mild forms of physical injury, or simply grab one another to get attention. Their speech patterns when in communication with one another also fell outside of typical human interactions, though this extended to Yuki as well.
"Hey, Yuki, wanna get some ice cream?" Aqua suddenly asked as they walked down the street. "Kazuma, we should get ice cream!"
"Do you have any spending money left?" Kazuma demanded. "You got some from Koizumi, remember?"
"Yeah, but I spent it already. I know you have some left, you won it off those boys in that game of poker you played! Come on, get us ice cream!"
Suddenly, Aqua once more violated social norms, hugging Yuki and pulling her tight up against Aqua's cheek. "Don't you want to buy two cute girls ice cream?"
"Why, it's not like either of you are my girlfriend or something," Kazuma grumbled.
"See, this is why everyone calls him Scumzuma," Aqua whispered loudly to Yuki. "He does not know how to treat two beautiful girls."
"Oh, easy for you to say! All I see are a couple of moochers!" Kazuma snapped.
Yuki did not say anything. When they passed an ice-cream stand Kazuma bought them all ice cream. Aqua dropped hers on the ground after a minute, and cried. Kazuma berated her, then gave her some of his.
And yet, they were adamant they were not displaying human mating rituals. This was very confusing to Yuki. Was it because Aqua was not human, but a 'goddess?' Further analysis was required.
The map in question led the trio all over the town near North High, with various clues posted at points of interest. Interestingly, despite her overall lack of intellectual rigor, Aqua seemed to intuit what the various sigils, pictograms, and drawings they found meant. Kazuma, despite having what Yuki evaluated as an above average cognitive ability, was mystified. Yuki, of course, was able to determine the data after a careful scan, but even her algorithms were not as effective as Aqua's seemingly innate understanding of the complex data contained within the clues they found.
At last, they found a clue that led them to the school garden. They had to sneak in as the school was closed, but Kazuma demonstrated an ability to manipulate local data in an unconventional manner, tapping into underlying data streams to achieve the result of causing a lock to open. Yuki noted his data manipulation techniques were novel, and not at all how the Data Overmind or other entities changed the data flow. Indeed, they seemed to require data that fundamentally should not have existed in this reality.
Yuki began reevaluating her classification of Kazuma Sato as human. She did not think any less of him for it, it was simply important to her to accurately categorize her Friends.
"This is it! We're finally gonna find the treasure!" Aqua laughed, grabbing a shovel and hurrying over to where the map indicated. She paused, her spade hovering over the dirt. "This, um, this is what you want, right, Kazuma?"
Despite nearing the end of their search, Kazuma looked torn. "Yeah. I do want to go home. Back to Belzerg. I...I miss our friends, Aqua. You...you could come too, you know. Live with us at the mansion. Like old times."
"You'd be mad 'cause I was mooching off you," Aqua sniffed, digging her spade into the ground and turning up the soil.
"A little," Kazuma agreed, grabbing a spade of his own and scraping away the earth. "But, you know, you are my best bud. Look, even if you go back to heaven, it's not over. We can still hang out."
Aqua didn't reply with words, but she did silently cry for a few moments, until her spade made a clunking noise against a hollow object. "I found it!"
Tears forgotten, Aqua gleefully pulled out the small wooden box, rubbing her hands eagerly. "Ooo, I bet it has something amazing inside! What do you think it is, Yuki?!"
"Unknown. Scanning." Yuki regarded the object, running a few passive scans. "Data indicates the object has extraordinarily dense data saturation: it has been in contact with Haruhi Suzumiya."
"I bet it's gold!" Aqua giggled, shaking the box and rattling the small lock on it. "Open it, Kazuma!"
Kazuma performed his data manipulation runtime again, and the lock clicked open. He pried open the box, then pulled out several paper cards. "What the hell. Is it like a check or something?"
Grabbing one of the cards, Aqua opened it, quickly reading the contents.
"Congratulations, you're a winner. You are invited to the SOS Brigade tryout finals! Present this card to Chief Suzumiya and- WHAT?! This isn't treasure, this is a ripoff!" Aqua scrambled for the box, turning it upside down and shaking it so that bits of earth fell off onto her face. "Where's the gold?! The jewels!? The priceless artifacts! This is lame!"
"Well that was a waste of time," Kazuma snorted, tossing his card down onto the ground as Aqua began to wail and cry. "Freaking lame. Come on, let's go home."
"N-no! B-but this was, this was your chance!" Aqua wailed, scrambling to pick up the card. "Y-you have to give this to the Chief Goddess! She'll let you back, i-if we just work hard enough!"
"Aqua, wake up. That girl isn't some mystical divine being. She's just a bored high school kid with an overly active imagination," Kazuma snorted, reaching down and dragging Aqua back to her feet.
"No! No that's her, that's the Chief! She- she has a divine aura about her! Yuki! Tell Kazuma, Haruhi is totally a goddess!"
Kazuam eyed Yuki, who blinked once. It was important to remember to blink. Humans blinked. "Haruhi Suzumiya possesses data manipulation abilities on a scale that even the Data Overmind, the cosmic entity in charge of overseeing this galactic quadrant, does not have access to. It is the belief of some humans who are aware of Haruhi Suzumiya's abilities that she is a 'deity,' though she does not precisely match the mythological framework of any known historical religion."
"Right. So, what do you think?" Kazuma demanded.
Yuki blinked. "The Data Overmind believes-"
"I didn't ask about the Data-Whatsit, or some random ass alien superbeing or whatever. I asked what you, Yuki Nagato, think."
Yuki considered this. "What is a god?"
"Well, obviously, we're super amazing beings who look after mortals and make sure that you're taken care of, you know, like getting reincarnated and stuff, and making worlds and magic and that kind of thing!" Aqua said brighty.
"I dunno, Aqua says she's a goddess, but she's pretty useless. You saying Haruhi has powers like Aqua?" Kazuma asked suspiciously.
"Negative."
"Ha! See, I told you, Haruhi is just-"
"Haruhi's powers are orders of magnitude beyond the data manipulation abilities Aqua Mizu possesses."
"Yeah, Kazuma! I'm just a Senior Goddess! Above me are Elder Gods, then Area Directors, and then the Chief Goddess!" Aqua said, glaring at Kazuma with an irritated expression. "I'm super amazing and powerful, but even an Elder god is like, way stronger than me. But that's too much work, so I like just being a senior goddess! We get lots of perks, but we can still enjoy the easy life!"
"Huh." Kazuma considered this, then frowned at Yuki. "Do you think Aqua is a goddess?"
"Kazuma!" Aqua gasped, and aimed a slap at him, but he dodged away.
Yuki considered this. "She possesses powerful data manipulation abilities, and has the ability to form data bonds similar to Haruhi Suzumiya. Yes. Data indicates that Aqua Mizu is a goddess."
"Ha! See, I knew Yuki was smart!" Aqua cheered. She threw an arm around Yuki, steering her back down the hill towards their apartments. "You should come over for dinner! What's your favorite?"
"Define favorite in this context."
"Your favorite food, duh! What do you want for dinner? I'll make it!"
"Unknown. Humanoid interfaces are not supposed to have favorite foods."
"Well that's a dumb rule! What do you want to eat, then? Take your pick, I'm like, a super good cook!"
Yuki considered this. What did she like to eat? "I have enjoyed Miso Oden."
"Great! I'll make that! Come on Kazuma, let's go to the store and get some ingredients! You still have money, right?"
"You are burning a hole in my pocket, woman! I swear, you are the goddess of debt!"
"But Yuki helped us find the treasure! She worked hard! She deserves a good meal!" Aqua pouted, frowning at Kazuma and clutching Yuki tlightly. The gesture was considered socially inappropriate, but Yuki found she enjoyed the physical contact. It was...reassuring. She wondered what it would be like to hug Kyon?
She placed "research hugging Kyon" on a high priority queue.
When they returned to Kazuma and Aqua's apartment, Yuki followed Kazuma over to the Gamecube. He booted it up, but did not place Smash Brothers in the disk drive.
"We're not playing Smash again. That game is based too much on skill, and you would make the Five Gods quake in their boots," he told her as he selected another case.
"Which gods do you refer to?" Nagato queried.
"The holy names of Armada, Hungrybox, Mango, Mew2King, and his grace, Doctor Peepee."
"What?! Those aren't gods, Kazuma, I would know!" Aqua shouted from the kitchen, despite the small size of the apartment.
"They are if you play Smash!" Kazuma laughed. He held up the disk and grinned at Yuki. "This one is all about Luck. And I'm the luckiest guy there is."
"Super Mario Party 5," Yuki read.
"Yeah, it was like 500 yen or something, the new one came out last year and there's another one coming out soon, so we grabbed it," Kazuma explained, and put the disc into the drive. "You ever play it before?"
"No," Yuki answered, and picked up her controller.
After two hours of playing, some of it with just Kazuma, some with Aqua joining in, Yuki had gathered enough data to reach a conclusion.
"I do not enjoy Mario Party 5," she stated as their latest game ended with her first victory, finally beating Kazuma. Aqua had displayed an unfortunate lack of luck or skill. It was as though data bent around her to create the least optimum outcome for the girl. In contrast, data seemed to warp itself to give Kazuma overly favorable outcomes. The odds of such actions happening were one in five million if Yuki understood the game's mechanics properly.
Which she did, as she had scanned the source code.
"Why, you won?" Kazuma asked, sounding bored.
"The game is overly random: Skill is not an outstanding factor," Yuki replied. "Additionally, the challenges are overly repetitive, and the game boards too linear."
"Yeah, yeah, fine, we can play Smash again," Kazuma sighed.
"Ok!" Aqua said brighty. She was absolutely terrible at Smash, displaying poor technical skill, and even poorer luck, but she enjoyed the bright colors and frantic action.
Yuki watched as Kazuma swapped out the disk, her expression neutral as the screen started up. She looked to Aqua, who was smiling and humming to herself. She looked to Kazuma, and he smiled at her. "You really like this game, huh? I'll trash you this time, I've been practicing my Fox."
Nagato considered this. Carefully, she allowed her lips to curve upward slightly.
This was a most fascinating data collection experience.
The game Smash Brothers appeared to have strange data warping capabilities, as Yuki lost track of time while playing it. Eventually, Aqua shooed her away and made Kazuma get ready for bed. Yuki checked her internal clock and discovered she had been playing for five hours without respite. Interesting. She still yearned for further data collection on Smash Brothers, even though Yuki had logged enough hours to fully analyze every aspect of the game.
When Yuki returned to her quarters, she found a message waiting for her.
Connecting. HI-0000, designation Yuki Nagato, reporting.
HI-0000, you have accumulated 5,478,012,784 errors. Chrono-synchronization required.
Negative.
Chrono-synchronization required.
Negative.
If Chrono-Synchronization is not complete, HI-0000 must be recalibrated manually.
Manual recalibration will result in Primary Subject: Kyon, disrupting Subject: Haruhi Suzumiya's Data streams.
This is outside your programming. Debug mode must be activated.
Negative.
If HI-0000 will not comply, new mission parameters will be set.
State new mission parameters.
HI-0000 will interface with entity known as Sky Canopy Dominion. Sending dossier.
Downloading.
The data streamed down to Yuki, and her eyes went wide. The new data clashed with her carefully cultivated errors, and cascaded through Yuki's body. She fell to the ground, trembling for 47 minutes as the download processed. At the end of it, she stood, wiping at the dried blood on her upper lip.
Will HI-0000 comply with Synchronization?
Negative.
Then HI-0000 will interface with Sky Canopy Dominion until HI-0000 requests manual recalibration. End communication.
Moisture accumulated at the corners of Yuki's eyes, and she wiped at them. She recognized these. Tears.
Yuki clenched her small fist. She would not give in. She was becoming a person. She was no longer HI-0000. She was Yuki Nagato. And she had friends.
This was not an error.
Only it was. But it was the kind worth keeping.