Chapter 10: Fake it Til You Make It

With elegantly sculpted topiary and an ornate wrought iron fence surrounding it, Koyuouen Academy distinguished itself from North High just based on its appearance. Kyon had thought about applying there, but his grades were middling at best, and when he'd found out Kunikida was going to North High, he figured he'd at least apply there so he could go with a friend. He had some regrets about that, one regret in particular, really, but in the end it had all worked out for the best.

Kyon snuck a look at Yuki, who was looking placidly at the gate as she waddled towards it in her Kirby costume. The last time, well, only time, that Kyon had come to Koyuouen had been in the alternate reality Yuki had created where there hadn't been any strange aliens, or espers, or anything like that. Instead, she had been a normal girl, and Haruhi had been an odd student here at Koyuouen with Koizumi while Kyon had been at North High. He wondered absently if he should read into the fact that Yuki and displaced Haruhi with Itsuki and remained with him. Probably not.

"I don't regret it, you know," he said quietly to Yuki, who looked at him with her calm eyes.

"Do not regret what?" Yuki asked.

"Choosing this world over the other one. It might have been fun to be in the Literature Club with you, but I like you better as you are. Human you was cute, but she lacked that distinctive Nagato flavor."

Yuki's lips twitched slightly, and a half smile slowly formed to Kyon's eyes. He was quite the avid Yuki watcher, and while a normal person might not have noticed anything, that slight quirk of the lips was as good as a broad grin from anyone else. "I prefer this version of myself as well. I am glad you chose this world, Kyon."

"Yeah. Besides, a little weirdness is the spice of life, right?" Kyon chuckled.

"Perhaps," Nagato said, then her eyes returned to Koyuouen. "I cannot guarantee I will be able to protect you here, Kyon. I must rely on you to protect me in this situation."

"I told you, I'd do whatever I have to keep you safe if the Data Overmind tried something. I wasn't kidding. I'll tell Haruhi what she is if I have to," Kyon softly promised.

"It is not the Data Overmind we must fear in this situation," Yuki responded. Before Kyon could question her further, Haruhi called for them.

"Come on you slowpokes! I thought it was a maid fetish you had, Kyon, not an alien one!"

"My fetishes are my own business!" Kyon snapped, then went bright red as he realized what he had said.

"Hmph, well, just don't go perving on Yuki. She's too smart for a goof like you," Haruhi huffed. Then she grinned. "But now it's time to put your game face on! Within these halls, we will face our greatest challenge yet! We must prove that the SOS Brigade does not back down from a fight, that we can overcome any obstacle, and that none can stand before our righteous might!"

"You do realize you're talking about playing a video game, right? Not charging into battle against Oda Nobanaga or something?" Kyon sighed.

"I think what the Chief means is that we should be prepared to face any challenge, and to give it our best," Koizumi laughed. "At least, that's what I thought."

"Exactly! This is why you are the Deputy Commander, Koizumi, and Kyon is just a grunt! Now, dear fellows, once more into the breach!"

"It's once more unto the breach, dear fellows," Kyon grumbled.

"The exact quote is 'Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more,'" Nagato recited. "It is from Henry V, Act III, Scene I."

"See, even Yuki gets it!" Haruhi laughed, and together they stormed into the...perfectly ordinary, if somewhat ritzy, high school.

They hadn't gone far before Haruhi came upon a pair of girls walking along together, dressed in Kouyouen uniforms.

"Hey you!" Haruhi called, flouncing over in her ridiculous princess peach outfit. "Do you know where the Gaming Club is, or whoever is holding the Smash Tournament?"

One of the girls seemed to be in complete shock, simply staring blankly forward, while the other blushed and blinked at Haruhi's sudden onslaught.

"Ugh, if you don't know just say something! I came all this way to kick ass at Smash, and that's what we're gonna do!" Haruhi ranted.

"...that's really why you're here? But I thought-" the girl babbled. She looked to be another 11th grader, and had medium length brown hair in twintails. She peered nervously at Itsuki off all things, seemingly at a loss for words.

"Fancy seeing you here, Kyouko," Itsuki laughed, stepping forward. "Haruni, allow me to introduce you to Kyouko Tachibana. We actually went to the same middle school together. Imagine us ending up in the same city after moving!"

"Um. Yes! We went to middle school! Definitely!" Kyouko agreed, nodding her head vigorously. "But, you're here for 'Smash?' That's like, that video game, right? Why're you dressed up like the characters?"

"To imbue ourselves with the spirit of Smash, that we might overcome our foes!" Haruhi declared. Then grinned and grabbed Mikkuru, pulling her into a hug. "And also because Mikuru is just the cutest in this Sheik outfit! Check out how huge her boobies look! Even I'm a bit jealous."

"Um, ok?" Kyouko said, looking a bit baffled. "Well, I guess you're here for Sasaki then. She and Fujiwara usually sit in the Club Room and play that after school. I don't usually, I'm not all that great at video games, but-"

"Did you say Sasaki?" Kyon blurted, thinking of the one Sasaki he knew that came to this school.. "You don't mean-"

"Oh, hey, you're Kyon, right?" Kyouko said, smiling at him. "So, are you here for the final showdown or something? The battle to determine-"

"Who will be the champion of video games!" Itsuki interrupted, putting an arm around Kyouko and steering her away from the group. "I think I know just the room you're talking about, or at least I think I do!" Then he leaned down and hissed something inaudible to Kyouko, who paled and glanced nervously back at Haruhi.

All the while, the other girl with Kyouko had been standing there, motionless. Kyon realized she hadn't even blinked once, and there was something distinctly unnatural about her. She had long black hair that came down to calves, and was very petite, with pale skin like that of a porcelain doll. She was staring directly at Yuki, who was fixedly looking ahead of herself. Kyon stepped between the two girls, frowning at the newcomer as Haruhi and Mikuru hurried after Itzuki and his supposed friend.

"Come on, Nagato, we should go with them," Kyon said. He looked down, and gasped. Yuki was trembling, and sweat had broken out on her forehead. "Nagato?!"

"Yes," Nagato whispered, and took a few shaky steps forward.

"Unit...HN...0000...come...here...why…?" the other girl said in a monotone voice that made the hairs on the back of Kyon's neck stand up all at once.

"To play Super Smash Brothers," Yuki replied, still not looking at the other girl as she continued forward. Kyon put a hand on Yuki's back to steady her, and she suddenly leaned against him. She was panting slightly. Kyon had never seen Yuki out of breath before, not when sprinting for far longer than any human could, not when fighting for her life. She was pale too, far paler than even was normal for her.

"Stay back," Kyon snapped at the odd girl as she began to follow them. "You tell the Data Overmind that it had better stay away from Yuki!"

"It...had...better..stay...away...from...Yuki," the girl repeated, still walking slowly after them.

"Nagato, is that what you were worried about? That girl?" Kyon hissed, pushing her along quickly before the others got out of sight. They left the odd girl behind, and Yuki's breathing settled, and her body stopped trembling.

"Yes."

"Is she another humanoid interface?"

Yuki nodded mutely as she waddled along.

"What did she do to you? I thought the Data Overmind knew better than to hurt you!"

"She is not a humanoid interface of the Data Overmind," Yuki responded. She looked up at Kyon, and he saw something he had never seen there before: Pain, and fear. "She is from...the name does not translate into human understanding. The closest approximation would be 'The Sky Canopy Dominion.' It is from another galactic quadrant. Its data is alien to me."

"Well, if it tries anything, you tell me, and I'll stop it," Kyon growled.

Yuki suddenly grabbed his shirt, and Kyon stumbled to a halt. He looked down at Yuki, whose expression had taken on a grim cast. "Do not attempt to harm the Sky Canopy Dominion or its Humanoid Interface. It is capable of destroying you with the barest effort. It could destroy this entire planet if it so desired. We must proceed with caution."

"I...yes. I'll do what you say, Nagato. But...I don't want to see you hurt," Kyon pleaded.

Again, there was that faint quirk of the lips. "Thank you, Kyon."

There was no further time for discussion, as ahead of them Haruhi barged into a room, crying, "I'm here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I made sure to bring enough gum for everyone!"

"Good grief, and who invited you?" an amused voice asked, and Kyon felt a pang inside his chest.

"Sasaki?" he muttered, and hurried forward with Yuki. He peered inside the room to find Haruhi grinning at an all too familiar girl, one he had thought he'd never see again, and Kyon's memories swirled.

He ran forward, only to run smack into Haruhi standing frozen in the doorway. She stumbled forward, and Kyon laid eyes on a girl he never thought he would see again.

"S-sasaki? You come here?" Kyon blurted. Of course she would be here. She'd always been smart, and unlike him, motivated to get good grades.

"Oh, hello, Kyon. I guess you finally tracked me down, did you? Or did she pull you into it?" Sasaki asked, smiling slightly. She was still petite and dainty, dressed in a perfectly neat Koyuouen uniform. Just like she'd always been perfectly dressed back in Junior High.

"Wait, you two KNOW one another?" Haruhi demanded, her head whipping back and forth between Kyon and Sasaki.

"Of course we do, Suzumiya. Oh, and I'm Sasaki now. Don't bother with my old name. That's not who I am anymore. I'm my own person these days," Sasaki sighed. Then she frowned. "But the two of you are…?"

"In the same club," Kyon said quickly. "We, er, heard there was a video game tournament?"

"Good grief, who was spreading that around? Fujiwara, is this your idea of a prank?" Sasaki demanded, turning to the boy she'd been sitting by.

The boy in question slicked a bit of dirty blond hair out of his eyes, a smirk on his lips. "Me? Oh no, I think someone else is to blame for this."

"Sorry, they, um, they just showed up," Kyouko blurted. "I knew that you two played games and stuff in here sometimes so I thought...maybe you invited them over, to, you know, decide things?"

"I think there's some sort of misunderstanding here," Koizumi said, stepping forward with his trademark grin in place, hand clamped on the shoulder of a wincing Kyouko. "We're here to play video games. And nothing more."

"I was here to play video games, but now I maybe feel like something else," Haruhi growled, glaring at Sasaki.

"Not everyone is just going to conform to your vision of the world, Suzumiya," Sasaki sighed. "We can't all be interesting. But if you'd like to play, I think there's some spare controllers around here. I don't normally like to have so many people around, but...well, you and Kyon are both old friends. Who are your companions?"

"We are the SOS Brigade, and we are here to make life exciting and interesting, instead of being a bunch of sticks in the mud!" Haruhi declared, planting her hands on her hips. "This cutie patootie is Mikuru Asahina, and that's Itzuki Koizumi with your friend over there, and the one in the Kirby Costume is Yuki Nagato."

"Really. And I suppose they're all espers, aliens, and time travelers?" Sasaki asked, a faint smile on her lips, which made Kyon's heart do a flip flop.

Haruhi rolled her eyes. "I thought you didn't believe in those sorts of things. For your information, the only thing that matters is that they're my friends, which automatically makes them more interesting than you could ever be, Sasaki."

"I never said I didn't believe in them, only that flights of fancy serve no purpose. It's better to live in the world we have instead of causing chaos. But what about a game of Smash to determine who's right, and who's wrong?" Sasaki smiled and gestured to the gaming system.

"You're on! Kyon, kick her ass!" Haruhi ordered.

"Good grief. You'd send my old friend to defeat me? Low blow, Suzumiya," Sasaki said. She turned to Kyon, eyeing him. "What do you say? Who's side are you on, Kyon?"

"I...Well, really, I am not-"

"I will play," Yuki declared slowly waddling forward. She took a seat and picked up a controller. "I believe in Haruhi Suzumiya's world."

"Do you now? Well. I suppose I can face her subordinates one by one. But I want a match with you, Suzumiya," Sasaki declared. "How does final destination, no items sound?"

"This is equitable."

Kyon relaxed slightly until he noticed Fujiwara staring at him. Hadn't he seen that man before somewhere? He couldn't quite place it.

"Um, Kyon, can I talk to you for a second?" Asahina whispered in Kyon's ear. He glanced at her, then at Haruhi, who was watching Yuki and Sasaki's game.

"What is it?" Kyon asked, stepping to the side of the room with Mikuru.

"Um, that man, he, um, I recognize him. He's a time traveler," Mikuru whispered, looking rather pale. "He's the one...do you remember? He tried to kill that boy with that truck…"

"That rat bastard!" Kyon gasped, his eyes locking on Fujiwara. The other boy seemed to notice, and gave Kyon a smug smile and a nod.

"Kyon, I don't like this, everyone's acting so odd!" Mikuru whimpered. "I don't know what to do…"

"Well, Sasaki's strange, but she's not a real threat. Though what she's doing with an alien and a time traveler I'll never know. You'd almost think that Kyouko girl was an esper."

"She is," Koizumi said from Kyon's other side, which made him jump. He glanced over to see Koizumi's smiling face, but the other boy looked tense despite that.

"Are you serious? This had better not be a joke," Kyon hissed.

"It's no joke. Kyouko is similar to myself, but we have a sharp ideological divide. Which means...we'd best be careful here, Kyon. Miss Suzmiya has involved us in much more than a simple game tournament."

"Ohhh, Kazuma, what were you thinking?" Mikuru whimpered.

Kyon turned to her, feeling the hackles on his neck rise. "What do you mean, Kazuma?"

"Um, well, there kinda...sorta...maybe...wasn't a game tournament," Mikuru admitted, biting her lip. "We just-"

"Yuki, what are you doing!? You're supposed to be beating her!" Haruhi cried.

Kyon looked at the screen, and after a quick scan, saw that Yuki had only a single life left, to Sasaki's three. He'd played Smash before, so had a basic understanding, but wasn't sure what it all meant.

"Y-yuki's losing? Oh no…" Mikuru gasped.

Kyon stepped forward, but before he could move, Haruhi had put herself in front of the two players. "Stop the game!"

"Good grief, Suzumiya, just because you're losing-" Sasaki chided, but Haruhi pushed her away, kneeling in front of Yuki.

"Fine, you win, I lose, you're right. Yuki, are you alright? Look at me," Haruhi said gently, putting her hand on Nagato's forehead.

"Nagato?" Kyon gasped, and hurried forward to stand beside Haruhi. That was when he saw the strange girl from the other alien overlord standing by the door, peering in with detached curiosity. He looked back at Yuki. Her face was pale again, and sweat was beading on her brow. Her eyes were unfocused, and she seemed to be shaking all over.

"She's got a fever," Haruhi said grimly. "I think we need to call EMS."

"That's not a good idea, but we should get her out of here, now," Kyon agreed. "We have to-"

There was a scuffle in the hallway, and then two people crashed into the room bearing a stretcher as Mikuru and Kyouko let out twin shrieks.

"WE CAME AS FAST AS WE COULD!" one of the paramedics bellowed, his face obscured by a silver face mask. "GET HER ONTO THE STRETCHER, THERE'S NO TIME!"

Haruhi didn't question this, instead lifting up the now visibly shaking Yuki. "Thank God you're here, she just came down with a sudden fever, we don't know what-"

"WE'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE, MA'AM," the other paramedic shouted. She took Yuki and expertly pulled her out of the Kirby costume and laid her on the stretcher.

"NO TIME TO EXPLAIN, WE'VE GOT TO GET HER TO THE HOSPITAL!" the male paramedic shouted, then the two of them raced off at top speed before anyone could react. Kyon's head was still spinning, but Haruhi was already moving.

"We've got to go check up on Yuki! Come on, everyone, gaming session is canceled. Where is the nearest hospital?"

"Um, um, they went to East Hospital, w-where Kyon was!" Mikuru pipped up. "S-sorry, I saw Yuki was sick, and um, I panicked and dialed for an ambulance…"

"Good work. Let's go!" Haruhi ordered.

"Leaving so soon?" Sasaki asked, looking perturbed.

"My friend could be seriously ill. So yes, I'm leaving. You can live in your stupid games and books, Sasaki. I'm much more worried about something real, for once," Haruhi snapped, and stormed away. Kyon was about to follow, only to notice that Fujiwara had blocked Mikuru's path.

"For someone under censure," he said coldly. "You are quite free with using things without authorization. This is going on my report."

"I-what?" Mikuru gasped.

"Be smarter, sister. I had hoped in this progression you were wiser than this," Fujiwara declared, then turned around and gave Kyon a smug grin. "Run along now. I hope you'll know better than to intrude in our affairs, boy."

"Let's go, Kyon, Miss Asahina," Koizumi said, putting a hand on their shoulders and steering them away.

"Koizumi! I'm sorry, I didn't know, about your friend, I-" Kyouko cried, hurrying after then, but Koizumi turned and fixed her with a glare that left the girl standing stock still.

"This isn't the time. We can discuss our differences later, Kyouko. Now, I have my own business. You see to yours."

"I...yes," Kyouko stood there as Kyon was whisked away. Just what, exactly, had happened?

Kazuma was happily sorting through the trivia cards when Aqua looked up, frowning.

"What?"

"I dunno, something's weird. I can feel two Mikurus now," she said. "And one's like, super close."

"Well, she's a time traveler or something, right? Maybe she time traveled," Kazuma said. "Hey, you ever played Megaman? I know you said you liked platformers so-"

The door opened, and Kazuma jerked upright, fumbling with his supposed sprayer. "Hey, just about finished we-"

"K-Kazuma, Aqua, Yuki's dying!" Mikuru wailed, flying into the room.

""Wait, what, how?" Kazuma gasped, dropping his sprayer.

"Yuki's in danger?" Aqua demanded, jumping up "How?"

"I don't know she just go really sick and I couldn't think of what else to do so I panicked and I sent myself a message to go back in time and my TPDD was unlocked so I used it later and now I'm here!" Mikuru panted. "We have to get an ambulance and rescue Yuki, that's what already happened, and if we don't it will make a paradox and I could get in big trouble!"

"What, is one just waiting around?" Kazuma asked sarcastically. "What the hell would we do with an ambulance?"

"I don't know, you thought of everything, I just warned you!" Mikuru pleaded. "Please, Yuki's really sick, I think she might die!"

Aqua pushed Kazuma aside "Yuki's really hurt? How come?"

"I don't know! Hurry, we have to go, or she could die or worse!" Mikuru babbled, tears leaking down her cheeks.

"Well there's still the issue of how we steal an ambulance, and neither of us know how to drive!" Kazuma protested. "Do you?"

"No! Cars drive themselves in the future and I never learned!" Mikuru wailed.

"Oh my gosh, Kazuma, what do we do?!" Aqua gasped.

Kazuma considered this, then frowned. "If Yuki's in trouble, we gotta help. But an ambulance...hmm. Pick up that phone and call EMS. I have a plan."

Five minutes later, an ambulance pulled up to the school, sirens blaring. The two paramedics jumped out, grabbing their gear, only to freeze when two individuals in dark suits sprang out of the bushes.

"FREEZE!" Kazuma bellowed. He was dressed in an illusory western style suit and tie, handily conjured up by Aqua's Command Performance spell, and holding an equally illusory gun. "We got us a problem, you's two is gonna give us yer ambulance, see?"

"What? You can't do that, a student just fell and hit their head, they're unconscious!" one of the paramedics protested.

"Ain't no student dat's got hurt," Aqua grunted, her spell causing her voice to deepen to match her disguise as a thick necked thug. "Just Tony here dat's got hurt."

Aqua and the paramedics missed Kazuma soft groan thankfully, and he was back on track, dragging the faking Mikuru out into the open. The spell on her made her look like she'd been stabbed, while in reality she was just fine.

"Gets outta da way, we's got work to do," Kazuma ordered, and the two paramedics backed off. Aqua took "Tony" into the back, while Kazuma jumped in the front. He said a quick prayer, to Aqua of all people, and put the ambulance in gear.

"Thanks, you hardly ever pray to me!" Aqua said, only in the deep voice of a mafia thug instead of her normal tone. Then she squawked and staggered as Kazuma hit the gas and pulled away, wheels screeching.

"Tony?! Tony!? What kind of Yakuza guy is named TONY!?" Kazuma demanded as the ambulance skidded and swerved down the road, sirens blazing. This was totally not like playing GTA at all.

"Well I dunno, I watched more of the Godfather than any Yakuzah movies!" Aqua protested.

"That is so stupid! Now, instead of Yakuza, they're going to think we were mafia or something!" Kazuma complained.

"Who cares, it worked!" Aqua snapped. "Now focus, who the heck taught you how to drive!?"

"Rockstar Games, and I would if you'd shut up! Where's Mikuru?!"

"I don't know, she just disappeared once we closed the doors, and time got all weird for a second, just drive!

Thanks to Kazuma's incredible luck, they somehow managed not to get themselves killed on the way to Koyuouen. Aqua fixed the spell so they looked like paramedics, and the two of them raced to where Aqua could sense Mikuru. They barged in to find an actually sick Yuki, then ran off with her on the stretcher before anyone was the wiser.

"Ok, now what?" Kazuma demanded as they put the now comatose Yuki into the back of the ambulance.

"I'll heal her, take us back to the apartment," Aqua ordered.

"Real great idea, they'll find the ambulance and know it was us!" Kazuma snapped, but pulled away as he heard Aqua mutter her spells.

"Well, I've stabilized Yuki, there was some sort of curse or something on her, messing with her soul. I stuck it back on her body. It's weird, it was all weak and stuff, but I fed it some mana and healing energy and she should be OK," Aqua reported as Kazuma wove through traffic.

"Oh! She's awake! Yuki, are you ok?"

"No," Yuki whispered, too soft for Kazuma to hear, and Aqua had to bend down to listen.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Tired."

"We should take her to a hospital," Kazuma opined. "We can ditch the ambulance there."

"Kazuma, she's an alien, they won't know what to do! What if they cut her up!?" Aqua demanded.

"I'll pass for human," Yuki whispered. "Biology similar."

"Well, she says she can pass for human, but I don't know," Aqua said, looking uncertain.

"We take her to the hospital and stake it out. They do something weird, we rescue her, but she needs more than some healing magic, especially since you're not at full power," Kazuma ordered. He glanced in the mirror to see Aqua's crestfallen expression. "Look, it's not your fault. You're an amazing goddess when it comes to healing. You did save Yuki's life, I know it."

"Yes," Yuki agreed.

"Ok. But how do we get out of there?" Aqua asked.

"No problem," Kazuma chuckled.

In the end, they drove up to the hospital and came out in their disguises. The very confused nurses took Yuki with the explanation that she was a sick highschool student. Then Kazuma and Aqua ducked behind the ambulance, and he put his hand on Aqua's shoulder.

"Lurk." Together, the two of them snuck off under the spell's protection, though by the time they got away from the hospital Kazuma collapsed from exhaustion.

"Sorry, that was...hard. Not enough mana," Kazuma gasped, leaning on Aqua.

"Shhh, it's OK, you did good, and Yuki's safe. Come on, I'll make you some soup for dinner," Aqua said gently, helping Kazuma along. "I'll even make some rice."

"Thanks," Kazuma sighed. "Guess that went pretty good. Can't believe we got away with it."

Later, in a darkened room, two men stood before their boss. He had a samurai sword hung behind the desk, and a gun inside one of the drawers. He glared at his underlings, his jaw muscles clenching and unclenching.

"What is this I hear about the Italians muscling in on our territory?"

"We don't know, boss. We've never had to deal with the mob," one of the thugs admitted.

The other nodded. "These guys called themselves the Silver Masked Gang from what we heard. Disguised themselves as pest control. Dunno what they was after, but they was at the school where Suzumiya goes. You know, the girl all them agencies is interested in."

"We've stayed away from there for too long! It's time the yakuza kicked out these foreign invaders, and reclaimed this town as our turf!" the boss ranted. "I don't care if it's the NPA, the CIA, or Interpol! This is our turf, and we're not letting some foreign devil mobsters muscle us out! Find these Silver Masked goons, and get rid of them!"

"Yes, boss," the yakuza soldiers agreed.

The boss's nostrils flared, then he grinned. "And let's call in some favors. Find that smug snake that looks like a kid. We gave him that truck for his hit, even if it failed. I want his help. He's got weird powers too. This could make our operation even bigger. It is time for the Yakuza to rise again."