Hey, hello, I'm back again. Yup, I know I said I'd see you in 2 weeks, but I lost so many updates with my laptop breaking, and I felt rather guilty for letting you guys wait for so long, and as I had an easier week and time to write, why not update sooner? I don't think anyone minds :)

I don't know if I'll be back next week or in 2 weeks, but I'll see you anyway

Have a wonderful end of the week and love you lots lots lots!

CHAPTER 16 - It will be our secret

Rose's POV

Hit a pipe if you need me. Yeah, my ass! I've been hitting it for the past 4 minutes and no one came! God knows where he is and what he's doing. And now I need to…

"Yes?" He answers the phone with a hint of curiosity.

"I have a problem."

"What can I do to help?"

"I might have…"

"You got yourself stuck in the bathroom?" He asks amused.

"Can you laugh at me in here? I'm one step away from throwing my phone into the toilet and telling you to go fuck yourself." this situation is embarrassing enough.

He comes up here quite fast and I am talking to him through the door.

"Why didn't you tell the caretaker to fix the lock on the door if you saw it was broken from the first day?"

"I just thought I shouldn't bother people." I wasn't bothering to close the door anyway, but today I did, on instinct, and look where it got me.

"But it's your right to-"

"Dimitri, I'm stuck, I only had your phone number and you were the only one close enough to come fast. Will you help me out of here or make me regret my choice?"

"Wait for me, I'm going to look for a screwdriver."

I don't have to wait for too long for the door to be unlocked.

He wants to open it, but I keep it closed.

"Don't."

"What?"

"I um… I might be naked?"

"You're not sure?"

"I am, okay? I forgot my clothes on the bed."

He hands them to me, and this time the history doesn't need to repeat itself. I've put on a shirt and I am proud to say I can button one only with my left hand.

"Thank you," I say to him as I get out of the bathroom.

"So this is it," he says looking inside the bathroom.

"This is what?"

"The shower where you give vocal representations."

"What? How did you hear that?"

"I was in Ivan's room one morning. The Buggles' a good choice. It's funky," he says with a smile.

"God, this is embarrassing." I cover my eyes with my hand so that I don't see him smiling. He so knows I know this song from him.

"You have a nice voice. Especially when you hit those high notes."

"Oh, shut up. We both know I'm a terrible singer."

I ended up asking Emma for help with my dress, and oh, she provided big time. For someone who has just met me, she went a long way to help me. She knows this guy, Adrian, a talented stylist and he owed her a favor, so here I am, with a dress.

I get out of my room with her, after she helped me dress up, and I was laughing until I realized which way we're heading. Toward Dimitri, who, I will not lie, is an extreme piece of sexiness. Besides the duster combinations, I've seen him only wearing the guardian outfit and sports clothes, and him being in a suit now, well, it's a welcomed view. For this special occasion, he opted for an all-black outfit, and his coat is that kind that's double-breasted and with six buttons, which makes him look so damned gentlemanly. I never knew guardians could wear such clothes to such events.

"Emma, why are we going toward him?" I mean, I understand his presence here, but… "Where is Ivan?"

"No Ivan. He is the one who is joining us tonight."

"What?"

"You know, something intervened and Ivan will not be there tonight. So he asked Dimitri to take care of you. Of us."

"Did he think to let me decide any of that?" because I don't think I can be around Dimitri when he's looking like that.

"Knowing how you'd react? No. This is why I'm the one to inform you about it now."

Now, when I cannot find a way out of it. Nicely played, future husband.

Dimitri's POV

Is Ivan insane? Her too? I can't be around her when she looks like that!

She wears a long, black dress, Greek-like. The vaporous material is hanging off her shoulders and forms a V cleavage that ends somewhere under her sternum, where a golden strip is accentuating the waist. The same goes with her shoulders, where golden accents rest, and the sleeves are cut, exposing her upper arms. From the waist down, the material hugs her generous curves, and a deep cut on the skirt, reaching the middle of her thigh still manages to leave enough to the imagination. She's drop-dead gorgeous. I feel my palms sweaty just thinking I'll have to be around her tonight.

I didn't think it could get any better until they stop in front of me. But it does. She may refuse to acknowledge my presence, but I take much delight in hers. She simply takes my breath away.

"So I um…" she shakes her head arranging her bangs, and I get a little distracted by the little golden pins that hold half of her hair up. "Emma told me I should hang out around you tonight. That you'd some kind of patron of us."

"If-" wow, that sounded weird. My mouth is dry and I need to clear my throat before I speak again. "If you want to."

"I didn't know I had this choice."

"You kind of don't."

Ivan thought it would be a good idea for me to join her, as more than her guardian, and he didn't care how much I pleaded against it. He didn't care about people talking, and what else argument could I have given him? But seeing the way she looks, I think I should have pleaded harder.

But if she never knows, it won't hurt for me to just act like a guardian, right? In no way I'll be the one to take her through that door, as her companion tonight. I cannot play with her reputation like that. I'll take Ivan's wrath if he finds out about it, but I will not let her become the subject of gossip once again.

"It will end quickly, I promise."

"I have a question though."

"Ask away."

"Do I still… after what I did at lunch, do I… I mean, she said she'd ruin me. And her father is-"

"Don't worry about that."

"Because Ivan will take care of it?"

"He already did."

"I'm sorry I made things difficult. But she did deserve it." she kind of did. I heard the rumors she spread about Rose and I was close to going to have a talk with her myself.

"He likes dealing with difficult."

"How come?"

"It makes life more interesting."

Rose's POV

Dimitri drove us to the place where the party is held, and I tried not to pay too much attention to him, talking to Emma most of the time, but she ditched us when she saw someone familiar and I am supposed to go in there all by myself now. I have to do this all alone. I'm going to punch Ivan for this.

But I can't. I'm so scared. I know everyone will be looking.

I am steps away from entering the big room, and I stop, attracting some comments my way, for inconveniencing everyone that is behind me.

Dimitri, who was behind me at a convenient distance, catches up to me.

"Princess, are you alright?"

"I'm sorry." I'm breathing heavily, and my hearing is muffled. My heart is pounding fast, right into my throat. "I'm sorry, I… I can't…"

This is worse than Ekaterina's party. I cannot control myself tonight.

"What happened?"

"I just… I can't do this. I um… I need to go, I'm sorry."

I rush outside, and he follows. I am overly aware of his footsteps behind me.

"Rose!"

I go around the corner of the building, my back against the wall, trying to ground myself because I'm hyperventilating and I'm ready to faint. If that happens, no one can see me and this is the only comfort I can get.

Why? I was doing well. Why is this happening? I thought I can be tough enough to endure this night. But I can't do this alone again. What if he will be there? Of course he will! And what if he asks me for a dance? What if I can't get rid of him?

"Hey, what's the matter?"

"It's… it's too loud in here. I can't…" my head won't stop spinning! "All those people and… it's too loud. It's too much," I avoid voicing the truth, and I rest my forehead against his chest, now that he's close enough. "I can't do it, I'm sorry."

"Shh, it's alright."

He pulls me closer to him, sheltering me in his arms, with one of my ears glued to his chest and the other, he covers with his hand, making the sounds around me more bearable.

To only feel like it's only me and him in this world, is doing me good. I focus on my breathing and I eventually manage to slow it down. At some point, my heartbeat gets close to matching his, thanks to that being the only sound I've been focusing on.

That's when I get the courage to pull away.

"Thank you. And I'm sorry for the meltdown. I don't usually… I just…" it's been a hard couple of days and all I want to do is hide. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I should just go inside and be done with it, but I can't. I'm scared."

"Can I do something to help?"

"Would you… join me? In there? It would be easier if I'd have you at my side."

"Rose, I cannot. I'm just-"

"Please. I don't care what people will think. I cannot do this alone."

He ponders things for a while, then nods. "Only to get you through the door."

I will accept anything that's offered to me. It's way better than having to face all those people by myself.

"But…" he tilts his head, waiting. "Will you get scolded for it?"

"I'll let Ivan deal with that. He's the one who bailed on you."

I smile when he does, and already feel more lighthearted.

On the way back inside, he fetches me a bottle of water that I gulp down without a second thought.

One look in one of the mirrors around and I'm ashamedly aware of how fucked up I've become in less than five minutes. But there is no going back. I need to be at the party and that means I need to get my shit together.

Here we go. He gives me his hand to latch onto, and I immensely appreciate him being my support because my knees feel weak and I am not doing a good job in such high heels.

Since the mirror thing, I only looked down the whole way as we passed onto the hallway and through the big arch that separates us from the salon.

When I finally dare look up, I see all eyes on us. It is bad, but it would have been worse if I were alone. Let them watch, I don't care. At the end of the day, is it that wrong that I'm at his arm?

As we make our way past the first half of the main room, a good feeling comes when I see Cathleen with a huge bandage plastered on her face. Did I break her nose? I mean, I was angry, but I didn't think I hit her that hard to do so much damage. Well, it is what it is. She deserved it.

When Dimitri wants to let go of me, that dread comes back and I latch my fingers tighter on him.

"Please. Just a minute longer. Take me to my table, that's all I ask."

I eventually need to let go of him, for I cannot come up with more excuses and he has a duty to accomplish, so I let him mingle with other guardians as I go fetch myself a drink. I only hope someone would take pity on me and gives me some alcohol because I need to chill the fuck out.

But things don't go as I planned.

"You're not allowed to do that."

Of course he popped out of nowhere right when I ordered a cocktail. He even tells the bartender to not serve me alcohol the whole evening.

"But following the rules is boring."

"It's necessary."

"Says who? Is there a law against doing this?"

"It is."

"Not our laws." I got him with this. "We're ruling ourselves, don't we? So if there is no law stating I can't drink, then what's the problem?"

"The problem is that you shouldn't."

"Why?"

"It may affect your safety."

"But I'm safe. You're here, right?"

"But what if I'm not nearby?"

"Details."

"You're still not getting alcohol."

"Would you calm down? There is no Strigoi out here."

"Still."

"Dimitri, we're in a room filled with guardians. No Strigoi would be mad enough to come here."

"Still," he insists.

"You're afraid someone around here will want to hurt me?"

He shrugs. You never know, right? And if I'm incapacitated by the alcohol…

"Fine. You win."

I see Emma somewhere next to the appetizers, so I decide to drop by, leaving Mister Let's-be-extra-safe behind.

She seems to be stuffing the inner pockets of her suit jacket with something. Getting closer, I see it's the little gifts that the guests receive at the end of the party. It should be one per person – little bottles of perfume. Expensive as fuck perfumes.

She is surprised when I come and pulls her coat better around her middle when I ask her what he's doing.

"Nothing."

"You were stealing that?"

"It's not really stealing. It's more like borrowing."

"Do you intend to give it back?"

"No. I am just borrowing it for life."

"You know that's illegal?" good lord, I sound exactly like Dimitri.

"Only if I get caught." She smiles. "So? You want more than one too?"

I smile too. "More than one would never get in my purse."

"What about under your dress?" she asks and tries to lift it.

"Hey!" I make her stop before someone sees my ass. This dress is revealing enough.

"No worries then. I'll leave some in your room later," she says patting her coat. "I have gotten plenty of these expensive shits. No one will miss them, trust me."

"Thanks."

After she leaves to hide her stash of perfumes, I do my best to mingle and talk to people. And after the initial crippling anxiety I get, I find out that I can be pretty good at this when I want to. Of course, I have a lot of things to thank Evette for because at least I can carry on a normal conversation with these people. Maybe I should be thankful for that punch I threw earlier too because now the people that were running from me these past days seem to welcome me into their circle with open arms. And I am not going to reject that. It's way better than sitting all by myself at my empty table.

Soon enough I find myself in front of a man. Chestnut brown, messy hair, the epitome of what Beyoncé would say - I woke up like this. Playful emerald green eyes and an even playful smile. And it's all directed at me.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?"

That smile turns into a pout. "It's a pity that you wear my dress and have no idea who I am."

"Oh, god, I am so sorry."

"No problem, Princess." He extends his hand to me. "Adrian Ivashkov at your disposal."

I extend my hand to him and he will not have me shake it. He brings it to his lips and kisses it. I let it pass. He did offer me such a beautiful dress, I can at least indulge him with this.

"It's so nice to meet you. And thank you so much, you saved me tonight."

"The pleasure is all mine, Princess."

"Please, call me Rose."

"Rose it is then. Can I fancy you a drink?"

"Sure. As long as there's no alcohol in it. I'm under surveillance."

He smiles. "Belikov, right?"

"Yeah." My little tormentor. In so many ways.

"Then allow me to make this evening a little more pleasant for you with my presence"

He extends his elbow toward me and I take it, then we start heading toward the bar.

"I liked the show."

"Huh?"

"It was a bold entrance."

"You think so?"

"My opinions don't matter much, but I must say that I don't think you'll be given a second pass for a gesture like that. You and a guardian, so close in the public eye…" I roll my eyes and he hurries to add. "Let's make it clear, I hate political stuff. But from what I heard, you're a presence hard to ignore and I think we'd be at a loss if you wouldn't make it up there on the throne, so maybe keep these actions for after you become queen. You get me?"

I get him. He's one of the few people who would say that so bluntly. Maybe I should keep him close. I would need more friends like him around. He is good company too and I wonder where he has been these couple of days. His jolly mood would have been a plus. Of course, it would be nice if he'd drop those cigars, but I can live with that for now.

After Adrian has been stolen away from me by a group of women, on my way back to my table, I pass past a door that takes you outside and I don't resist the temptation. Truth is, I'm all flushed from all the walking around and trying to appear interesting, and a breath of fresh air would do me good.

I walk as far away as possible from the party, and I find a little gazebo with fairy lights. No one seems to be occupying it as it's a withdrawn place, so I take a minute to rest there, on a bench, away from everyone.

It's nice. No people to disturb me, I can still hear the music in there, faintly, and the scent of the flowers around is delightful. I might have complained about the warmth here, but now I welcome it. I cannot imagine myself going back to the winter at the Court.

When I feel a hand resting on my shoulder, I wince and shrink my body away.

I shouldn't have done that. Now they'll ask what's wrong. And I don't have an explanation.

I turn around and see it's Dimitri. Now I really have no explanation to give. He'll know I'm lying to him.

"I'm sorry. I should've asked, but I called your name and-"

I get up and stop him.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted like that. You did nothing and I… I was surprised. I was… lost in thought."

I take a step closer to him and not knowing what else to do, I wait. I don't know what else to say. I don't even know why I got closer in the first place. I don't know what I'm waiting for.

"I thought you fled the party."

"I wanted to. But I couldn't just leave you hanging like that. I just came here for a break. I would have come back."

He smiles. "You came here because Adrian was bothering you?"

"He wasn't. He's pleasant."

His eyebrows shot up. "Is he?"

"Shouldn't I find him pleasant?"

"You can find him however you want to." why do I sense some irritation in his tone?

I open my mouth to ask if he has a problem with Adrian, but he talks first.

"Why did you come here then?"

I could insist, but I know he won't tell me anything.

"It started getting boring as hell in there. They're mostly talking about Court stuff, and I find it dreading to do all those courtesy visits to introduce myself."

"I must agree that's indeed boring."

"What about something to make things more interesting?"

"What?"

"Would you give me this dance?"

I extend a hand for his and wait. I don't even know where this idea came from, but here I am. The song just changed into a very slow one and it seemed like a good idea a second ago.

His expression darkens.

"We shouldn't."

"Come on. It won't kill you to relax a little."

"It would kill you."

"There is no Strigoi around here, not even another breathing being, so you have no excuse, comrade."

"Rose…" he starts sounding scolding.

"No one can see us. Indulge me and don't make me say please."

"Fine," he eventually gives in when I don't avert my eyes from his.

"But you know… I don't know how to dance. Evette and I didn't get to that chapter. I didn't think there'd be any parties to attend so soon."

"Too bad. Because you're not getting away from it," he's the one to convince me of it now. "Now come." He guides me to the middle of the gazebo and comes in front of me. "It's not such a big deal. And I won't complain if you step on my shoes."

"I will do that a lot, I'm afraid."

"It will be our secret."

"Just like this dance."

"Yes."

I put my hand in his when he extends it, and don't know what else to do.

He smiles as he pulls me closer to him, but still keeping some space between us, you know, for the Holy Spirit. He puts his other hand on a safe place on my lower waist, seeming very interested in not touching my bare skin, and not going too low at the same time, but, that gentle touch is more than enough to make my breath catch.

We're so close and it is so hard to look into his eyes. I look away, pretending I'm impressed by the flowers around us.

"It's such a beautiful night, isn't it?"

He laughs lightly. "Yes, it is."

We start swinging left and right, and I don't know if I want to kick my ass for putting myself in this situation or give me some prize.

"You know, looking down won't make things better."

I hardly look up, biting my lips with worry at what I might see. And it's just him, nothing to be scared of. But then again, we're so close!

"I am just watching my steps."

"I told you, I don't mind. I'd rather see you enjoy this."

But I step on his foot and want to tilt my head back down.

"No, no. Look at me." I do as I'm said. "Can I say something? But please don't get mad."

"I'll decide after you tell me."

"Then I'm not telling you."

"Fine. I won't mind. Tell me."

"You look exquisite tonight, Rose." that… is not what I expected him to say.

"Do I? I think it's a little too much."

"It's enough. It's just enough for the future Queen."

"You're not bad yourself, comrade."

We both smile and damn it, this dancing pose is not in my favor. As I didn't fail to mention countless times, we're really close. Our faces too. Even our lips could touch if we would…

Something pushes me to move an inch closer. I'm not touching him in any way, but the chances of that happening have increased dramatically.

I catch myself in the last second and instead of doing a very stupid thing, I find it's a safer move to rest my head on his shoulder as we continue to dance slowly.

"How is your shoulder?"

He made sure to extend his right hand to me earlier, so that I won't have to lift mine, and I appreciate his consideration.

"Better. I could even lift my hand today when Emma was helping me put the dress on."

"What about your head?"

I laugh. "You're inspecting everything, I see. You forgot about the thumb."

"I'm still amazed you managed to get them all hit in the span of so few days."

"I'm an overachiever. I don't do things half-ass."

We continue to dance in silence.

I don't know how many songs pass with us like that, or if time seems to expand only for me, but at some point, I pull away from him and an idea comes to my mind.

"Can we leave?"

"Leave where?"

"Anywhere."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that. I did what I had to do. I've been here for four hours. It's enough torture."

"And where would we go?"

"There's a little town nearby. Maybe that has some more interesting stuff to offer."

Just like earlier with the dance, he opposes it. "We shouldn't."

"You're not afraid of the Strigoi, aren't you?" I kind of feel like there is something more to this than my safety, but I can't figure it out yet.

"I believe I can keep you safe, but-"

"Fine. No buts. I have to get other shoes and we're good to go."

"We're not going."

"And I say we are. I'm in charge, aren't I? You practically work for me, so you should do what I say, not the other way around."

"Technically, Ivan is paying my salary."

"Come on. It will be our secret." We already have plenty.

As we're at it, I take the time to change out of my dress, as I don't want to spoil such an expensive piece of clothing. Dimitri loses the coat, the vest and the tie too, and we're ready to go.

I still can't believe I convinced him to go to town, but here we are, in a car, having a pleasant ride and we even sing along to some songs, of his, that I came to enjoy.

To our surprise, there is a little funfair taking place in town. Just our luck!

Out of all the things the fair has to offer, there is a Ferris wheel I want to try because I have the feeling that the view is amazing from the top. For whatever reason, Dimitri votes against it.

"Well, you're not the boss of me."

"Technically, if involves your safety-"

"Shut up. You're not spoiling this for me. It's safe so you cannot comment on that."

"Still, I can advise you not to go."

"And I choose to ignore your advice."

"Okay. Then I'm going with you."

"Great!" I am sure he will change his opinion when he sees the view from the top.

We get into our seats, put on the safety bar and up we go.

But the higher we get, the more uncomfortable he seems to become.

"Hey, what happened?"

"I'm… I am kind of afraid of heights."

"What?! Why didn't you tell me?!"

"Because you wouldn't have gone on the ride if I told you."

"Of course I wouldn't have!"

"But you wanted to. I didn't want to take that pleasure from you."

"But you're afraid of heights!"

"I'm not alone. How afraid can I get?"

"Afraid I might push you over the edge?"

If I get a playful attitude, I think he might forget we're this high up. And he reciprocates.

"Come on, these eyes are too pretty for you to throw me off."

"What?"

"That's what you said that evening after the climbing lesson, right? That I have beautiful eyes."

Talking about eyes, I squint mine at him. "Oh, Belikov, I might throw you off this wheel if you keep on going like that."

He smiles and wants to say something, but the wheel moves in quite an abnormal way and he stiffens.

Oh, poor guy. In a moment of pure compassion, I take his hand in mine.

He looks at me with suspicion. "So this is what it takes for you to be nice to me? To confess my secrets to you?"

I told him so many of my secrets. I'd like to hear more of his.

Still playful, I grimace and want to take away my support, but he tightens his grip on my hand.

"Na-ah, I'm still afraid and I'm not saying it only for the sake of saying it."

We're approaching the top of this thing. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath in.

"But you've been in a plane. How does that fit?"

"I've gotten used to it. It works as long as I don't look out the window."

Now it clicks for me. "This is why you didn't want to pair up with me at the climbing site."

"I'm sorry."

"It's alright." the worst that could have happened already happened. "But are you sure you don't want to open your eyes? Maybe for a second? The fairy lights at every stand and the trees that surround the fair… it's really beautiful."

He nods. "Okay…"

And he opens them. He even smiles as he takes in the view.

"It's nice. Really nice." He turns to look at me. "But I'd rather be down."

"Hang in there for one more minute. We're descending right now."

"I'm going to look at you for the rest of the ride, is that okay?"

"Yeah." What else can I tell him, that he's not allowed?

Only it's hard for me to look back at him. I now wish the ride would finish faster too.

Somehow we both survive the descent and I feel the need to make the situation a little less awkward.

"Comrade, let me win you a teddy bear."

"Why?"

"I don't know, does there have to be a reason? I just want to."

Focusing on throwing things at a moving target will take my mind off what just happened.

We're laughing our asses off with my awful throws, but I refuse to give up easily. I promised the man a teddy bear.

But at some point, I think even the owner of the stand got bored of me because he decides all of a sudden that I won that damned toy.

Dimitri's POV

He brings us the prize, but it's none of any that we thought he'd offer us. It's a white bear, with red ears and pad paws, and it is holding a big heart in its hands.

"A bear for the lovers."

"Oh, no, we… we don't…" Embarrassment would be a little word to describe what Rose's face shows. Mine too for what matters. "We're not…"

Instead of explaining to him how complicated this is, I take the bear before he goes back on his decision, thank him, and taking her hand, we leave.

We collectively decide not to debate that subject, and not a single word is spoken about it.

We resume to aimlessly walking through the stands, but I know for a fact she's still thinking about that. Her attention is not directed toward anything around here, because I saw some things that would have gotten her excited and she didn't.

"You want something sweet?" I try to take her mind off that.

"Do you even have to ask?"

We go to a little café around here. We order and I think that that's it, nothing can go wrong in here. Things are finally back to normal.

Wrong.

When Rose's dessert comes, it's the one she ordered, only that there's a twist about it. As she puts her spoon through it, she encounters something that shouldn't have been there.

A ring. It has a big diamond and all.

"Dimitri, what the fuck is this?"

The awkwardness of the situation reaches new heights when the people that were around us see the piece of jewelry and start cheering.

She keeps on staring at me. She wants to murder me for some reason.

"I didn't do this! That's not even an optimal way to ask someone to marry you, but what do I know?"

"Actually, that's mine." The man on the other side of the room comes and retrieves his ring. "I was going to propose to my girlfriend. She ordered the same dessert as you and the waiter must have mixed things up."

Everybody laughs about it, and we try to join in with some crooked smiles. But after that, Rose is feeling off. I am too, to some extent. Cake doesn't seem like such a good idea either and even though she has gotten an extra piece on the house, she mostly plays with it around the plate.

I would like to say something to make things better, but I don't come up with anything smart or funny to say and I think that a spiritual thing would make her flip me off.

We eventually leave and somehow we've silently decided not to give up on tonight. We're walking around the little town, like searching for something to bring back our cheer.

And we soon find it. Or rather, Rose does.

There's some flower exposition going on I guess, as there are multiple sculptures made out of all kinds of flowers and Rose falls in love with each and every one of them. She moves from one to another, being so excited as she's trying to figure out what they mean, and I try to bring my contributions too, but I'm not great at it. I'm only happy that my inexperienced comments bring a smile to her lips.

When we find ourselves in a crowd, not to lose each other, as we feel like holding hands would be a little too much to do, Rose comes up with the idea of me hooking a finger through the loop of her jeans as she leads the way. I don't know how come she defined that as not much, but for me surely it didn't feel that way. And when someone pushed his way in front of her, making her take a few steps back and end up pressed against me and when my hand had to touch a little more than it should have, I cannot say I could remain indifferent. But I swear I'm trying.

"You really think that looks like a hat or you're just saying it for the sake of saying something?"

"Both?"

She laughs. "Come on, give me a good answer, comrade."

"Is it that snake eating an elephant from The Little Prince?"

"Come on. You can do better than that.

I need to scratch my brain a lot for another answer. I am not good at this creative stuff.

"A UFO?"

"Yes!"

"That's what you saw?"

"It's a wonder for me you didn't. It's so obvious."

"For you it was, the one obsessed with The X Files."

God only knows how many hours she spent watching replays of the episodes on TV until she got sick and tired of it.

"Hey! Don't you dare pick on Scully and Mulder! You liked that too, don't pretend you weren't looking past your book."

For the next arrangement, she doesn't say anything, she just takes her time examining it and her mood seems to be going down once more.

"Thinking of a painting?" I try to engage her in conversation. Maybe inspiration hit and she got lost in thought.

"What?" I am now sure that's not a painting she's thinking of, but I cannot ask for the truth. "Oh, that. Right. Yeah, I got carried away. Let's go. There's still so much to see."

As we get out of that exposition, I stop her for a second.

"What?"

I might have stolen a flower she liked a lot from one of the showpieces, and messed up some complicated math that was explained to us, but I'd say it's worth it.

"Dimitri…" she scolds me, but it makes her so, so happy as I put the flower behind her ear.

She looks up at me, smiling, and I love this image of her. But it doesn't last. Because she seems to have realized something. Something that makes her get all serious. That makes her pull away.

She realizes I've done something I shouldn't have, way before me. I swear I'll come to need someone to give me electric shocks when I do stupid things like these.

"I um…" she looks down biting her lip. "I think it's quite late."

"Right. Let's go back."

Rose's POV

He takes me back to my room and wants to leave.

"Wait a second."

I get into my room and come back with a box that I hand to him.

"What is this?"

"It's a gift for you."

"Really?"

I nod and he opens the box with some reticence, maybe not knowing what to expect from me. He gets out the circular shape in there and gets confused.

"You… got me duct tape?"

I laugh. "Kind of. But it's a special kind. And it's not only duct tape. You have a bone folder too and some waxed paper and some special cartons and some more things so that you could mend your books."

"Mend my books?"

"I saw you read them a lot and they got pretty… ruffled."

He smiles. "But why?"

"Even bitches take a break at Christmas." He throws me a look and I shrug. "Everyone was exchanging gifts before and at the party, and… I don't know, I had no one to exchange gifts with." He opens his mouth. "And it's okay if you don't have a gift, I have no expectations from you. I just thought you'd like this. I got something for Ivan too, but… you know… he had to leave and I didn't manage to give him his gift before he left. They arrived quite hardly here."

"How, exactly? You never left."

"But Emma did. I couldn't have escaped your eyes anyway, so I didn't try."

"You know… I have something for you too."

"You do?" I don't do much to hide my surprise. Warmth fills my chest just at the thought of it.

"It's not much, but you always complained about the coldness, so…"

From his pocket, he gets out a teeny tiny wrapped gift. So that was what he forgot in the car earlier.

Opening it, I see it's a chapstick. It's even a fancy one. It even has SPF! And it is my favorite flavor.

The image of him entering a beauty shop, in all his 6 foot seven seriousness, just to look for this, makes me smile.

"Thank you. It may be a little thing, but it doesn't matter." what matters is that he remembered that I said I wanted one, and all the specifications.

After our exchange, I might have spent the rest of the night lying in bed, wrapped in Dimitri's coat that he forgot to take from my room, but I will take that secret to the grave with me.

In the morning I put away all the cute stuff he made me feel on our trip into town and I go return his stuff, hoping it will somehow restore the professionalism between us. Whatever happened here will remain here. That's it and that is all it will ever be. I'm supposed to marry Ivan. I cannot think such things about him. I'm just crushing on him like a stupid teenager. He's not the kind of man to look twice my way. He was just nice toward me, for I had a couple of rough days and I took advantage of that. What is wrong with me to push him like that?