Chapter 18: Critical Research
The sounds of the hospital were dampened behind the office doors, and Koizumi rubbed his temples as he sat in the darkened room. Everything was falling apart. He had just hung up from a conference call with the most powerful members of the Organization, and it had been a circus. Even Mori had been able to find only faint praise for Koizumi in averting complete disaster as, somehow, Closed Space formation had fallen off sharply.
But the others had been out for blood. The coalition that Koizumi had cobbled together three years ago was falling apart. Many of the older espers were bucking his leadership after what was seen as his flubbed handling of things.
"If you'd allowed us to tell Lady Haruhi who and what she was, we wouldn't be in this mess!" Arakawa had argued. He'd always headed the faction that wanted to simply tell Haruhi who she was, and exploit her powers for their own gain.
"It's clear we need more seasoned leadership in the Organization. Koizumi has done well enough, but it's time for someone with leadership experience to take control," Keniichi Tamuru had shouted.
"Your only leadership experience is in MMO guilds!" Mori shot back. "The Director has kept Haruhi stable so far. And she has his trust, let him-"
"He has lost her trust and squandered what goodwill we might have had!" Arakawa rebutted.
Things had just degenerated from there.
Now Koizumi sat alone in the dark, rubbing his head and waiting for the acetaminophen to kick in. And for his next guest. His one remaining hope of maintaining control of the Organization.
More importantly, to keep Haruhi safe. Because if the Organization fell apart, the vultures would circle in. And whatever else Haruhi was, she was his friend. He wasn't going to let her fall prey to the dozen interested parties that would like nothing more than to scoop up a potential godling to use for their own ends.
The door banged open, and Koizumi stood, smiling as the lights came on. "Ah, Mr. N-"
"Shut up and listen," Tsuruya's father snarled, stalking into the room. He was dressed in a nice suit, just as Koizumi was, tailor made in the Italian style. "My daughter just got shot. This was not a part of the deal."
"I understand, sir, and I assure you, I did not intend for her to get caught up in all this," Koizumi said, dropping the smile for a more sober expression. "What happened was unfortunate."
"Unfortunate? Unfortunate is when you stub your toe, or when someone dings your new car," the man growled, stepping closer. Koizumi had to swallow and take a half step back. There was pure murder in the man's eyes, and blackness. In fact, an overwhelming aura of menace emanated from the man, who Koizumi had previously thought was nothing but a wealthy businessman who had happened to marry into his fortune.
Perhaps there was more to Koizumi's backer than he had thought.
"What happened was that my precious Tsuruya was shot. By yakuza. And, somehow, the SOS Brigade was involved. Which means YOU were involved. And I specifically funded your Organization so that my family, my daughter in particular, would stay OUT of such troubles. As well as you keeping the Suzumiya girl safe, happy, and stable. I didn't want to know who you were. I didn't want to know what you did. All I wanted was for my daughter to grow up in a world free of envy and death."
"I regret that I was not present. If I had been, I assure you, things would have proceeded differently," Koizumi said stiffly, and bowed at the waist. "I personally take responsibility for such failings. You have my most sincere apologies."
"I don't want your apologies, boy," the man grated, leaning across the table. "What I want is for my daughter to be safe. And, I want the Suzumiya girl to stay safe. Are we clear on that? Because if you can't, I'll find someone who can."
"Yessir," Koizumi agreed, then swallowed. "There is...a slight complication."
"Oh? That is not what I want to hear, Koizumi."
"Haruhi...knows. And...so does your daughter," Koizumi admitted.
The man jerked back, going pale. "What!? How could you let this happen! My daughter was never to learn of who Suzumiya was, or what their relation is!"
Relation? What did he mean by that? What possible connection could Tsuruya's family have to the Suzumiya's? Koizumi didn't know, but now he was going to have to find out. The revelation that Tsuruya possessed demon blood...that had been a shock. He'd not know of that at all. If he had...what would he have done differently?
"You listen to me, if you can't clean this up, I-"
"Yo, Koizumi, this suit bothering you?"
Koizumi resisted the urge to scream, and pasted on a smile. "Ah, Mr. Sato, what a surprise to find you here!"
"Where the hell else would I be?" Kazuma demanded, leaning against the doorframe. "Aqua's here, so's Yuki. Not like I can just go home and relax. Someone's gotta keep an eye on those two troublemakers. Anyway, who's this asshole?"
"I, ah, was just having a discussion with the Director," Tsuruya's father said, sweat beading on his forehead as he slowly turned to Kazuma. "I wasn't expecting- you don't know who I am?"
"Should I? You look like some rich prick. Think so highly of yourself?" Kazuma demanded, frowning at the wealthiest and possibly most powerful man in the city. He had a number of politicians in his pocket, and he'd leveraged his wife's wealth to get his fingers in a number of industries. Under his guidance, the family fortune had only grown.
"You don't...of course, of course. My apologies, I simply tend to- Koizumi, introduce us," the man barked.
"Ah, well, this is Kazuma Sato. The man who...well, he was the one to defeat the Yakuza who were holding Ms. Nagato and Ms. Mizu. He fought alongside Tsuruya and-"
"Ah, well, anyone who fights on Tsuruya's side is a friend of mine!" the man said in a far too jovial tone. He stepped forward, grabbing Kazuma's hand and pumping it energetically. "Good job, ah, Mr. Sato. Keep up the good work."
"Uh huh. My dad's Mr. Sato. I'm just Kazuma. And your name was?"
"Not important, not important, just think of me as Tsuruya's father."
"Aren't you Tsuruya then?" Kazuma asked skeptically.
"No, no, that's her first name. We registered her under that so the family name wouldn't interfere with her social relationships. She's always been very informal anyway and prefered everyone to call her that," the man explained hastily. "Well, I've got to go then. Keep up the good work. And Koizumi?"
"Er, yes sir?" Koizumi managed, feeling poleaxed by the whole situation.
"I, ah, understand now. Work with what you have. I'm sure you'll, ah, manage Kazuma just fine. And his friend. Just keep my daughter out of it." With that, the man hurried off, looking a bit pale.
Kazuma watched him go, then shrugged and stepped inside. "What a wacko. Anyway, I was just passing through and thought he was bothering you."
"This is the staff only section of the hospital. Why are you here?" Koizumi asked suspiciously.
"Hmm? Oh, something's up. I did a little snooping. You know these jerkoffs realize that none of those girls are human? Aqua's marked as a 'kami' while Yuki's tagged as a xenos, and Tsuruya's been pegged as 'demon blooded.' What's up with that? I thought that the SOS Brigade had the only weirdos in Japan."
"Close the door," Koizumi said firmly. "And sit down."
"Sure, ok." Kazuma did as asked, though he sprawled in the chair and put his legs up on the desk.
Koizumi did his best not to grind his teeth.
"The truth is, while Haruhi Suzumiya is an extraordinary individual, one with tremendous power, she is not the only such individual in the world," Koizumi explained. "She is unique in some regards, and is perhaps, the most powerful being on the planet. Perhaps even god herself."
"Uh huh. That's really not all that impressive," Kazuma said. Then picked his nose. Koizumi would have murdered him right then and there. Kazuma sniffed and flicked a bit of booger towards the trash can. "Plenty of gods and goddesses running around. They're not that tough."
"I think you underestimate the extent of Miss Suzumiya's power. At last estimate, her energy output was somewhere on the order of 3.8 x 1036 kilowatts every day."
Kazuma stared blankly at Koizumi. "So...that's like a lot, right?"
"That would be approximately the energy output of our galaxy, yes," Koizumi said through gritted teeth.
"Super. So you think she's a goddess. Except, you know, she's totally useless."
"She is far from useless. Given proper guidance, Haruhi could shepherd humanity into a new golden age. One where we are capable of all sorts of incredible things. Time travel, interstellar voyages, colonization of other solar systems, the possibilities are endless!"
"Whoopty-freakin-do. Last I checked, she's just a kid. One who wants to have fun and stuff. Seems a bit much to be trying to use her as your personal vending machine," Kazuma sniffed, digging for more gold.
"Will you stop that!?" Koizumi snarled, slamming his fist down on the table. "I want to prevent Haruhi from simply being turned into a slave, locked away somewhere and used as a glorified battery, or perhaps as a genie for the powerfuland wealthy! I want her to live the exciting life she wishes for, full of happiness, while using her amazing gifts to help mankind reach their full potential! Because she's my friend, you arrogant ass, and unlike you, I didn't simply demand she grant my fondest wish!"
"And you're doing this...how? Playing Men in Black and having fun with your little esper friends?" Kazuma demanded in an especially grating and sarcastic tone.
"By convincing everyone that Haruhi was a threat. That if her routine were disrupted, or those she held dear harmed, she could eliminate all life on Earth. Which is, to a degree, true. Haruhi is perfectly capable of remaking the planet. Her powers were used to completely alter reality once before. It could happen again. We could wake up and," Koizumi snapped his fingers under Kazuma's nose, making the other boy jerk back and glare at him. "A world with no aliens. No espers. No time travel. Everything is ordinary."
"Ok, so that would affect like, all of six people. So who cares?"
"No, you ignorant bumpkin! The masquerade permeates the globe! There are aliens from a dozen races on the earth! There are espers, and wizards, and shamans, and demons! There are lost cities, and eldritch beings from beyond the stars! And there have always been such! There are forces dedicated to preserving this charade, and many of them would have seen Haruhi dead or depowered long ago. And I. Will. Not. Allow it! She saved me, and damn you, I will save her!"
Koizumi stood hunched over the table, panting, his eyes slightly wild as he glared at Kazuma.
Slowly, the other boy took his legs off the table, grinning. "Gotcha."
"I...what?"
"I knew something was up," Kazuma said confidently. "The hospital staff here are acting like having a goddess, an alien, and a demon here is no big deal. That ain't right. I never noticed before, I was just a shut in who just cared about his video games and stuff. But now? Now I've played hardball with nobles, demons, and goddesses. So I knew there was more to all this."
"You just...you know you simply could have asked, right? There was no need to infuriate me," Koizumi groaned, slumping back in his chair.
"Two things," Kazuma drawled. "First, I doubt you would have given me a straight answer unless I got your goat. You like your secrets and your smug superiority. Second, I enjoy it. Cheesing you off is a perk, not a problem."
"I should just kick you out into the streets," Koizumi grumbled, massaging his temple.
"Nah. Way I see it: I got what you need. And you got what I need," Kazuma said with a shrug.
"Oh?" Koizumi lowered his hand, glaring at Kazuma. "And what need have I of a migraine like the one you're giving me right now?"
"See, I got someone who's real experienced with being a goddess and all," Kazuma explained. "She was, in fact, really good at her job. I joke about the whole 'useless goddess' thing, but the reality is Aqua's a damn good goddess. She cares about her followers, makes sure they are protected and taken care of, grants them all sorts of powerful spells. She was so good at reincarnating souls she found the guy who was going to beat the Devil King and put him right where he needed to be to stop that asshole. She's powerful too; can resurrect a whole army, or build a fortress in a day. Not to mention purifying an entire town's water supply with one spell, or one shotting high level undead and demons without even breaking a sweat."
"That sounds like I need Aqua. Not you," Koizumi snarled.
"Ah, but you see, Aqua's a problem. A real handful. You've got that figured out, don't you? She ain't that bright, and she's also prone to causing havoc wherever she goes. She needs a handler. And guess who her bestest bud is?" Kazuma jerked his thumb at himself, a smug grin on his face. "Me."
"Are you...blackmailing me?" Koizumi asked, dawning realization coming over him.
"I prefer the term leverage based bargaining," Kazuma said, a shit eating grin plastered all over his face.
What Koizumi wanted to do was leverage Kazuma's body out of the office window, even if he was just borrowing it. Instead, he took a deep breath, forcing himself to be calm. He leaned back in his chair, steepling his fingers and trying to collect his thoughts.
Unfortunately, Kazuma was still there.
"You're doing it again," the other boy said with a sneer.
"Doing what?" Koizumi ground out.
"Gendo pose. It's better with the sunglasses, but you need a bright light in front of you to get the scary shine going right."
"Get out," Koizumi hissed, dropping the supposed pose. He thought he looked cool when he did it, anyway. "I will...contemplate...your offer. But in the end, it's going to be up to the others if they can tolerate you or not. I suggest you attempt to be more personable."
"Oh come on, everyone loves me!" Kazuma laughed as he stood. "Who else is going to save you morons' asses the next time you get into trouble?"
Once Kazuma was gone, Koizumi rested his head in his hands. Really? Was that insufferable fool really his best option? He desperately tried to think of another one.
Anything had to be better than Scumzuma.
Slowly, Yuki's internal systems came back online. It was a novel process for her, as previously even in standby or sleep mode she had maintained some level of awareness. As she parsed the diagnostic, it seemed that her autonomic systems had maintained homeostasis during her period of unconsciousness. That was good. Her new Operating System had incorporated what had previously been runtime errors, but so far seemed to be holding together remarkably well. Indeed, it even appeared to be capable of adapting to her needs.
There were several systems within Yuki she had not yet closely examined, but seemed to be newly created ones. She would have to explore them further later, though she had some idea of what their intended purpose and function was. Mostly since "research hugging Kyon" had been placed on one's priority queue.
Slowly, Yuki opened her eyes, still feeling the pain and grogginess that were such new experiences to her. They were not pleasant ones, but the sensation she felt when her vision focused was.
"Kyon," she whispered.
Her best bud jerked awake, having apparently been in the middle of a rest cycle. He leaned forward, smiling at Yuki.
She returned the smile. She knew her smiles were not yet on par with norm-referenced human expressions of pleasure, but considering her current circumstances it was the best she could manage.
"You're awake. We've got to stop meeting like this," Kyon said, gently taking Yuki's hand in his.
"Like this?" Yuki asked, feeling a faint buzz of confusion, as well as the release of several hormones found in her new systems. Interesting. It appeared she could modulate these releases if she so desired. Instead, she left them set to automatic. She wished to emulate human emotions as closely as possible.
"You know, with you sick in a hospital bed. It was the Sky Canopy Dominion again, wasn't it?"
Yuki shook her head, an experience that left her slightly dizzy and feeling rather awful still. "No."
"No? But wasn't that other girl, Suou there? Isn't that what made you collapse?" Kyon asked worriedly.
"It was not the Sky Canopy Dominion. The device that incapacitated me was from the Data Overmind, and was attempting to re-write my programing so that my original creator could re-assume control over me," Yuki explained.
"It...what!? That son of a-" Kyon cut himself off, but his facial features indicated he was currently emotionally distressed.
"Yes," Yuki agreed. "Though while I agree with the coliquism, the Data Overmind does not possess parentage in the biological sense. It is the result of an entire species achieving post singularity consciousness, then merging into a single intellect. It has harvested previous races in this manner before."
"Ah yes, 'Reapers' the immortal race of sentient starships waiting in Dark Space. We have dismissed these claims."
Yuki turned along with Kyon to see a grinning Kazuma Sato standing in the doorway. "What? Oh, right, that won't come out for what, another three or four years? Eh, I bet Mikuru would get it."
"This isn't the time for jokes! Yuki is saying that the Data Overmind is trying to enslave her and potentially even harvest humanity! I don't really know what that means, but it can't be good!"
"The Data Overmind does not seek to harvest humanity. Humanity would first need to become a post singularity civilization, then agree to be absorbed into the Data Overmind," Yuki clarified.
"I'm sure there's an 'or else' hidden in there somewhere," Kazuma said with a shrug. He frowned and sat down without asking, rubbing his chin in thought. "You know, I think I can help you guys out here."
"How, exactly, can you do that? Taking out a dozen Yakuza is impressive, I'll grant you that, but we're talking on an entirely different scale here," Kyon pointed out.
"Well, sure. But this thing is basically an alien Devil King. And humanity already has a defense system against assholes like that, even if it is mostly useless," Kazuma said with a shrug.
"You don't mean…" Kyon turned to Yuki, looking perturbed and hopeful.
"Aqua Mizu's intervention removed me from the Data Overmind's control previously. Her data manipulation abilities could counteract the Data Overmind's own abilities. If she and Haruhi Suzumiya are both 'goddesses' as postulated, they would indeed deter the Data Overmind, who already considers Haruhi Suzumiya a threat to itself."
"And I happen to be a professional Devil King slayer myself," Kazuma agreed, leaning back and grinning. Then he suddenly frowned. "But I don't exactly want to stay around here."
"Right, you want to get back to this 'Belzerg' place where your supposed girlfriend is," Kyon sighed.
Yuki frowned at that. Her analysis indicated an 82.74% chance that Aqua Mizua and Kazuma Sato were engaging in courting patterns with one another, with a near equal chance they were also mating. Did this mean that Kazuma was engaged with multiple females? In some human cultures, such practices were allowed, or even encouraged.
It was startling to discover that Yuki now had very strong feelings on this subject: namely that if Kyon attempted to engage in courtship rituals or mating behaviors with other girls while still Yuki's Best Bud, she would be strongly inclined to murder him, and possibly the other girls as well. Yuki quickly amended this subroutine to merely involve inflicting severe bodily harm. Though she was quite certain Kyon would not do such a thing. He was not Kazuma Sato.
"Exactly. However...I'm not going to just leave Yuki hanging." Kazuma brooded for a bit, scowling as his eyes shifted back and forth. At last, he shrugged and asked, "How would you two feel about living in an isekai fantasy adventure?"
"What!? Are you insane!?" Kyon demanded.
"Probably, but the offer still stands. Being in another world would solve the Data Overmind problem anyway," Kazuma said with a shrug.
"No," Yuki said firmly. She would not leave her other friends. And she did not think Kyon would enjoy leaving his sister or parents.
"Eh, worth a shot. OK, so we figure something to shoot down the evil alien overlord, or get it to go bother someone else. Sounds peachy. Anyway, we should talk about what I'm really here for," Kazuma said, standing back up and walking over to Yuki's bedside.
"You're not going to try something perverted are you?" Kyon growled.
Kazuma put a hand to his chest, assuming a look of innocence. Yuki immediately calculated that there was a 99.9% chance of it being false. "Would I ever do such a thing?"
"Yes," Yuki answered. "You are Pervzuma."
"Hey now, only Aqua gets to call me that," Kazuma grumbled. "See if I help you out now."
"How exactly were you going to help Yuki?" Kyon demanded.
"Well, I was going to see if you wanted me to try healing her with a little Drain Touch. I can transfer some of your life force to her. Might speed up the recovery process."
"You can effect a data transfer of life energies?" Yuki asked, curious, but Kyon spoke up as well.
"Of course I'd do anything to help Yuki! How does this work?" Kyon demanded. Then he winced. "Er, sorry, Yuki. It should really be up to you."
Yuki considered this, then nodded. "As Best Buds, data transfers between us are acceptable."
Kyon's face flushed, and Yuki wondered if she had made some sort of innuendo. It was very difficult for her to make such idiomatic distinctions. She was not overly bothered by this, and did not consider the ability to create low humor a high priority.
"Alright, both of you give me your hands," Kazuma ordered.
"Are you just trying to use this as an excuse to hold Yuki's hand?" Kyon growled.
"Oh please. If I wanted to be perverted, there are plenty of other things I could pull. Besides, that whole 'holding hands is lewd' thing is really played out. I'm sure the two of you could get a lot more creative than that if you tried."
Yuki silently took Kazuma's hand, and a moment later so did Kyon. Despite the fact that Kazuma was most assuredly a pervert and a NEET, Yuki knew she could trust him. After all, he was still tagged as "friend."
"Drain Touch," Kazuma said, and Yuki felt something flow into her. It was data, yes, but a very strange kind of data. It was uniquely and distinctly Kyon, a part of him that was being given to her. As the data entered into Yuki, she felt a growing sense of warmth, and all of the various systems in her body began to repair at an accelerated rate. In only moments, she was able to sit up.
"That's enough, don't want to suck you dry there pal," Kazuma said, and let go of their hands. Kyon slumped over, his cheeks a bit hollow and dark circles under his eyes. This alarmed Yuki, as before the data transfer he had seemed quite healthy.
"Here, have some juice and an energy bar, you'll feel better," Kazuma told Kyon, passing him the snacks in question.
"I...thank you," Kyon gasped, gratefully accepting the food. "That was...are you feeling better, Yuki?"
"Yes," Yuki agreed, sitting up more fully.
"Super. Well, I'm off to see if I can juice up Aqua since that apparently still works," Kazuma said, and turned to go.
"Wait, you didn't know if that was going to work!?" Kyon demanded.
"Eh, I was pretty sure, but I needed some schmuck to test it on before I tried it on my best bud." With that, Kazuma left the room.
Yuki nodded in satisfaction. Kazuma Sato and Aqua Mizu were definitely engaging in mating behaviors. She wondered if now was the appropriate time to more thoroughly research hugging Kyon? Or several other new research priorities that had popped up in her queue. Best to start with that one first though.
"Kyon, would you like to conduct some research?"