Volume 3: The Awakening of Haruhi Suzumiya

Chapter 24: Wake up and Smell the Apocalypse

Head pounding, Kyon's eyelids fluttered open. He squinted against the fluorescent glare, and found Yuki looking seriously at him from the bedside. He managed to crack a smile. "Hey. What have I said about meeting like this?"

"This situation is novel from past experiences," Yuki stated. "You are the one convalescing this time. I am fully recovered."

Kyon's eyes went wide, and his hand darted down to check something. He sighed in relief when he found what he was hoping for. "Then, that whole thing was…?"

"Haruhi Suzumiya seems to have re-written reality to restore us to our previous state," Yuki said with a nod.

"Asakura!" Kyon cried, jumping up out of the cot in the nurse's office and flinging aside the curtain. His eyes darted around wildly, heart pounding in panic.

"Ryouko Asakura, designation HN-0001 is not present," Yuki said, her hand falling gently on Kyon's arm.

"Oh. That's...that's good," Kyon groaned, and sank back down to sit on the edge of his bed. He gave Yuki a weak smile. "Guess I couldn't protect you again."

Yuki shook her head, her lips twitching down slightly. "I failed to protect you as well. Even the Data Overmind and the Sky Canopy Dominion were helpless in this circumstance."

"That doesn't make me feel any better," Kyon muttered. "I'm supposed to protect you."

"Why?"

Kyon blinked, looking at Yuki, who was staring at him intently. "Well, I mean...that's how it's supposed to work, right? The guy always protects his girlfriend."

"I have seen this literary trope in action many times. I believe it stems from the evolutionary need for a male human to protect his mate and offspring, due to the sexual dimorphism that humans exhibit. But Kyon, I am not human."

"Well, I mean, I know that but...I still want to keep you safe. You're important to me," Kyon said, still feeling rather disoriented.

Yuki's lips quirked up slightly again, and she reached out to put a hand over Kyon's. "Thank you."

"Thank you? But I haven't done anything," Kyon said bitterly.

"Untrue. You have been my Best Bud," Yuki said seriously.

"I guess. I just wish I could be more proactive about it," Kyon sighed. Then he frowned. "You know where Haruhi and the others are? Or how all...that...was fixed?"

"The phenomena was similar to when I stole Haruhi Suzumiya's data manipulation abilities and altered data on a galactic scale," Yuki said. "But I do not know how this was accomplished."

"Well, we'd better go find out then. Any ideas where they are?" Kyon asked.

"Haruhi Suzumiya's old Junior High at the sports fields," Yuki replied, standing.

"Great. Well, I guess that makes sense. Guess we'd better head over there." Kyon paused, then frowned and turned back around. "What about Koizumi?"

"He departed not long before you awakened. He seemed emotionally distressed," Yuki said.

Not much Kyon could do about that. And after what Koizumi had tried...or at least, the girl version of him had. All that was very confusing, and Kyon tried not to think about it too hard.

Kyon and Yuki hadn't gone far before his phone buzzed, and he picked it up to the sound of a panicked Mikuru.

"Kyon! Are you a boy!?" she demanded, sounding out of breath.

"Yep, just checked. Nagato's back to being an alien as well," Kyon replied, trying to sound bored, and as if he switched genders all the time.

"Oh good, um, I'm a girl again, but, ah, that's kind of a problem," Mikuru panted. "As we're trying to hide Miss Suzumiya, Aqua, and Sasaki." Mikuru's voice suddenly became tinny, and Kyon heard her call, "Kazuma! Where are you going!?"

There was a muffled response, and the even more frightened Mikuru came back on. "Kazuma says he's going to take Aqua and take her home, but I don't know what to do with the other two! I can't just leave them!"

"Give the phone to Kazuma," Kyon said firmly, and he heard Mikuru running and babbling.

"What?" Kazuma snapped a moment later.

"Stop being an asshole and help Mikuru and Haruhi!" Kyon roared, despite the fact that he was still inside of the school building. A passing group of students froze, but hurried off upon seeing Yuki take a protective step in front of Kyon.

"Why should I give a damn about the Princess? She's the one who caused this mess!" Kazuma argued.

"Because YOU'RE the one who caused this, you idiot!" Kyon hissed, lowering his voice self consciously.

"What?! The hell I-"

"Why do you think no one told Haruhi she was a goddess? Why do you think we always treated her so carefully? Because we knew that exactly this sort of thing could happen! You came in like a bull in a china shop and started smashing things, giving no thought to the consequences! Well guess what? Now we have to face some! I'm coming over there with Yuki. Don't you DARE do anything stupid until we get there, and don't leave Mikuru on her own! She's been through enough!"

"Since when do I take orders from you?"

"Since I'm the one who kept Haruhi from destroying the world for a whole year, and you're the moron that caused the apocalypse less than a day after joining the SOS Brigade!"

"Fuck you."

The phone clicked off, and Kyon looked at it disgustedly. He hit the redial button, and Mikuru picked up.

"Kyon!? Kazuma said he'll keep Haruhi and Sasaki safe, but hurry! I don't know what to do and Kazuma, um, well...he looks really scary…"

"We'll be over soon," Kyon promised, and he and Yuki broke into a run, dialing a cab company. Despite the exorbitant cost, they did manage to get to Haruhi's Junior High in only about 15 minutes, far faster than a train or bus would have been.

They found a very flustered Mikuru practically dancing around a comatose Haruhi and Sasaki, who were leaned up against one another inside of the sports equipment shed, snoring softly. Kazuma had Aqua's head in his lap, and was sharpening a knife that looked rather illegal based on its length and sharpness.

"About time you assholes got here," Kazuma growled, pocketing his knife and whetstone and picking up Aqua in his arms. "I'm taking Aqua home. We're quitting the SOS Brigade. I'm not putting up with this brand of bullshit."

Kyon bit back an angry reply, taking a deep breath. "Yuki, check on them, will you? Kazuma, walk with me."

"Why?" Kazuma demanded, his eyes narrowing dangerously as he clutched Aqua to himself protectively.

"Because Yuki will need to perform a thorough examination, and I think it's best if us boys aren't present for it," Kyon said, trying to sound reasonable and not like he wanted to rip Kazuma's head off and use it as a hacky sack.

"Oh." Kazuma gently set Aqua down on the ground, smoothing a lock of blue hair away from her forehead and looking pained. Then he hurriedly straightened and stormed out of the small shack as Yuki knelt, muttering a spell.

Once they were outside, Kyon grabbed Kazuma by the arm and towed him away from the shed.

"Oh back off, pal! I don't want to hear some self righteous bullshit from you!" Kazuma snarled.

"That's not what we're going to talk about," Kyon told him, dragging the shorter boy a dozen meters away. He paused, taking another deep breath as he let Kazuma go. "Look. I need your help."

"You got a real interesting way of showing it," Kazuma grumbled, but he eyed Kyon speculatively as he brushed off his uniform jacket.

"You said you're an experienced fighter, right?" Kyon said, reaching for what was percolating at the back of his mind.

"Depends on what you mean by that, but I'm no stranger to a fight, yeah," Kazuma agreed, puffing up slightly.

Kyon nodded, grimacing. "Alright. I need you to teach me how to do...what it is you do."

"Teach you?" Kazuma looked baffled, then burst out laughing. "I can't teach you! That's not how this world works! There's no XP, no skill points, no-"

"Why not? We have Haruhi," Kyon said, folding his arms over his chest, and Kazuma shut up, looking suddenly thoughtful. "Look. I'm tired of being a bystander. And...and Asakura is back."

"What, the nurse lady? Who the hell is she? And why does she have a murder-boner for you?" Kazuma asked, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

"She's another humanoid interface. She's nearly killed me twice. Both times, Yuki had to save me," Kyon said, feeling as though he'd lost his balls all over again, but refusing to show weakness. "This time, I want to be the one to save her."

"Taking your white knighting to the next level, huh? Hmm. I'll think about it. But I don't work for free," Kazuma said, glancing over to the shed where the girls still were.

"I'll help you get back to your insane little fantasy world," Kyon sighed. "Just… I need the help."

"Yeah, every protagonist needs to be able to protect his harem," Kazuma agreed absently.

"What!? NO! I am not a- will you get your mind out of the gutter for ten seconds?! The one I want to protect is Yuki! Well, and the others, but I can't keep having my girlfriend save my ass!" Kyon argued.

Kazuma snorted and shook his head. "Buddy, if you're going to be in the harem protag business, get used to the fact that all the girls are better than you at something and are going to save your ass once in a while. Megumin saved my butt more times, well ok, almost as many times as she nearly got us all killed. As for Aqua…"

"Well she's the one who just saved us all, and prevented you from bleeding out," Kyon snapped, then winced. "I, ah, know what it's like to be almost stabbed to death by Asakura. She's...part of the reason I need to learn how to protect myself."

"Fine. I'll help you. If only to get back at that blue haired bitch. Trying to kill Aqua. Ought to track her down and kick her ass," Kazuma grumbled. He glanced back at the shed where the girls were and shook his head. "Useless ass goddesses."

"Really? You say that AFTER Aqua helped rewrite the entire universe, healed your mortal wound, and it seems like was the one who figured out something was up in the first place?" Kyon demanded.

"Just because she fixed her problem doesn't mean she's not useless," Kazuma said with a shrug.

"Her problem!? You're the one who told Haruhi all about this in the most blunt, rude manner possible. If anything, this is your fault."

"You know for someone who was begging me to train him how not to be a deadweight, you sure talk a lot of smack," Kazuma complained as they began to walk back to the shed.

"For someone who claims to be a legendary hero, you sure are a jerk," Kyon fired back.

"Meh," Kazuma said with a shrug as they entered back into the shed. Yuki and Mikuru were tending to the girls, who were all asleep now, snoring softly.

"Their vital signs are within normal limits," Yuki reported.

"They all just seem exhausted. Do you, um, know what they did, Kazuma?" Mikuru asked. "Aqua said something about singing a song of creation?"

"Haven't a clue," Kazuma grunted, squatting down in front of Aqua. He put a hand to her forehead, gently pressing it as if to check her temperature. "She seems fine. We'll just have to get them home."

"How do we get Sasaki or Haruhi home?" Kyon asked, looking back and forth between the two of them. "They-"

The door to the shed slammed open, and a very frazzled looking Kyouko stood panting in the doorway. "S-Sasaki! Is she…?"

"She is well," Yuki answered stoically.

"Oh thank...whoever." Kyouko hurried forward, and a girl with blue hair filled the doorway.

Kyon let out a hiss, jerking back, cold sweat running down the back of his spine. He felt Yuki's hand suddenly take his, and he looked down to see her shake her head.

"Not Asakura," Kyon gasped, feeling his heart still thunder in his chest.

"Hina, help me," Kyouko gasped, trying to lever a mumbling Sasaki to her feet.

"Kay," the blue haired girl said, and lifted a hand. Sasaki floated into the air like a marionette.

"Not like THAT! I told you we're not supposed to- just help me!" Kyouko ordered.

"Fine," Hina agreed, letting Sasaki back down, then getting under the other shoulder.

"Um, thanks, for helping her," Kyouko said as the three girls staggered off. "I...I'm sorry about what I did, back there. That wasn't...I don't know. I remember it, but I also don't remember."

"I can empathise," Kyon agreed. "Take care of her. We were...friends, once."

"I hope you still are," Kyouko said with a nervous giggle, then they were gone.

"Well that solves that," Kazuma said. He bent down, scooping Aqua up in his arms. A bit of drool was leaking out of the corner of Aqua's mouth, and she sleepily snuggled up next to Kazuma's chest, muttering something under her breath.

"Right. I have her. You take care of Haruhi," Kazuma ordered.

"We don't even know where Haruhi lives!" Kyon protested.

"Haruhi Suzumiya's residence is located at 542 N Takahana Way," Yuki stated matter of factly.

"Oh. Well...OK. That's not too awfully far," Kyon agreed. He looked down at Haruhi, then bent to scoop her up. He paused, glazing nervously at Yuki, who was looking at him passively. "Um...would you prefer to carry her?"

"An individual of my size and gender carrying a girl larger than myself would draw unwanted attention," Yuki responded. "You may carry her. I do not mind."

"Well, if you two are going to do that...um, I need to check on some things. Like what happened to this time plane while we were gone," Mikuru said, looking around nervously. "I have to talk to Big Me."

"Oh. You...know about her?" Kyon asked.

Mikuru nodded, smiling happily. "Yes! And I don't have to worry about the TPDD again! Um, the agency, not the device."

Then Mikuru winked out of time, at least for a little while.

"Right." Blushing, Kyon picked up Haruhi, memories of things that Kyonko and Haruki had gotten up to flitting through his mind along with his own first kiss, given to Haruhi not long before.

"Careful with the Princess," Kazuma barked as he headed off with a still drowsing Aqua.

"Oh relax. I'm not going to try anything. I'm not a pervert like you," Kyon retorted.

"Keep telling yourself that, champ. I saw the files on the computer," Kazuma said, then headed off, carrying Aqua in his arms. Kyon, for his part, put Haruhi into a piggyback hold, trying not to think about what was pressing into his back.

They hadn't gotten far when Haruhi mumbled, then suddenly jerked upright, causing Kyon to stagger and nearly fall. Yuki managed to steady him, and he hastily lowered Haruhi to the ground, where she sat wide eyed, breathing shallowly for a moment.

"Uh, hey. Welcome back," Kyon managed. "That was, ah, quite the experience."

To Kyon's utter shock, Haruhi recoiled from him and burst into tears. He leaned away and looked to Yuki helplessly.

For her part, Yuki knelt by Haruhi, hands on her knees, silently looking at Haruhi in the dim light of the streetlamps.

"Get away from me," Haruhi finally managed after a full minute of gut wrenching sobs. "I'm a monster!"

"What? No! You're our friend!" Kyon protested.

Haruhi looked up at him, pain and anguish etched onto her features. "How can you say that, after what I did to you!?"

"Well, I mean...it was interesting? Being a girl. Not, er, my first choice for a vacation, but…" Kyon glanced at Yuki, trying to fish for what to say.

"Do you recall what I told you took place on December 18th of last year?" Yuki asked, her tone mild and calm.

"I...yes," Haruhi hiccuped, scrubbing at her eyes with the back of her hands. "You...you used my powers to...rewrite reality. Like I did. I, um...you must have done a better job because-"

"I am an alien entity with intellect far above the human average, or even the highest recorded human achievement. I am currently 599 years old. As a humanoid interface, I have extensive experience with data manipulation abilities similar to those you possess. And I did not attempt to so utterly rewrite reality as you did, affecting things in only a localized area instead of on a pan-galactic, or potentially universal, scale. It is unfair to compare the two events, save in one area."

"What's that?" Haruhi asked, her eyes slightly glazed over.

"I also re-wrote reality so that I could attempt to monopolize Kyon's affections for myself."

Kyon flushed bright red, looking away in embarrassment even as Haruhi's mouth flopped open.

"You...what?" Haruhi managed after a pregnant pause.

"I attempted to make myself into a human girl, remove you from Kyon's social circle, and create a world where Kyon and I could become romantically entangled," Yuki repeated. She seemed to consider something, then added, "In retrospection, this effort was unnecessary."

"Well, I mean...it did get my attention," Kyon managed lamely. To his surprise, Yuki's lips quirked up slightly, while Haruhi burst out laughing.

"I guess it did! I was just late to the party…" Haruhi managed to calm herself after a minute, wiping her nose and eyes with a handkerchief. Then she kowtowed, pressing her forehead to the bare concrete.

"I am so, so sorry. I...I should be happy for my friends. Not...not try to steal someone's boyfriend because I'm jealous. I didn't...I would say I didn't mean to, but a part of me...I knew what was happening, almost, when I took Koriko's hand and we sang together. It just...I lost control. I didn't know what I was doing. I locked my own memories away and I...I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

"Yes," Yuki agreed, then looked at Kyon.

"I mean, sure, but I don't really think there's much to forgive," Kyon said gently. He coughed, then kowtowed himself. "I'm...sorry I didn't tell you. I tried at that cafe, but when you didn't believe me…"

"I blew you off. I guess that was on me. But...but I'm hurt that none of you tried harder to tell me. It sounds like Mikuru and Yuki couldn't, but...It still hurts," Haruhi admitted.

"Your feelings of betrayal are similar to the ones I experienced when my own creator attempted to destroy me," Yuki said matter of factly.

"Wait, what?! When!? I'll kick their ass!" Haruhi snarled, jumping up and clenching her fists.

"That may prove necessary. Now, however, I urge you to enter a rest cycle. We may discuss things further tomorrow," Yuki said, standing and holding out a hand to Haruhi.

Taking Yuki's hand, Haruhi got slowly to her feet at the same time as Kyon did. "You two...don't hate me?"

"No, and I know for a fact Miss Asahina doesn't either," Kyon told Haruhi. "We're still your friends. I mean, we did know what you were, even if you didn't."

"Yeah, well...this is going to take some getting used to." Haruhi looked at her hands, then squinted, pointing at a nearby trash can. Nothing happened, and Haruhi sighed, lowering her finger. "Well, I guess I can't just turn it into cotton candy or something. I need to get to bed. I'm so tired I can't think straight."

They delivered Haruhi safely home, then Kyon walked Yuki back to her place. They held hands as they went, which was nice. Neither of them spoke during the walk, enjoying the pleasant night air and each other's company. That was something Kyon appreciated about Yuki. He could relax around her. There was no need to always be on and ready for action.

When they arrived, Kyon and Yuki awkwardly embraced, then shared a quick kiss.

"Are you really OK with what happened?" Kyon asked her as they stood there, holding one another.

"Unknown," Yuki answered.

"You told Haruhi you forgave her. You weren't…?"

"I was not lying. I understand what it is like to experience human emotions and have your data manipulation abilities manifest in uncertain and dangerous circumstances. That said, if she attempts to steal my Best Bud again, I will be upset."

"We'll just have to make sure that doesn't happen," Kyon chuckled nervously. "You, um, don't blame me for…?"

"Kyonko was not you. Much as Yuuki was not me. We are capable of self determination. I have worked very hard to ensure this. Do not worry, Kyon. I will protect you."

With one final kiss, Yuki went into the building, leaving Kyon alone on the street. He shoved his hands in his pockets, hunching over as he headed home.

"But I want to be the one who's protecting you," Kyon lamented.