Despite his typical outwardly bored affectation, Kyon was actually fairly excited to be going to train with Kazuma. He wasn't exactly sure what they would be doing, or how they would be doing it, but he'd played enough video games and watched just enough anime to have a vague idea of how this was supposed to go. They would go to an isolated place, probably a warehouse or the woods, and engage in an intense training regime that outwardly appeared nonsensical but actually imbued great power. Kyon wondered just what kind of mystical arts he could learn from Kazuma and-

"Oh, excuse me!"

Kyon grunted as he bounced off someone. He jerked away when he realized the person in question had red hair. It wasn't a completely unnatural color, much like Mikuru's, but Haruhi had mentioned this girl.

"Sorry about that!" the red headed new girl said, backing away from Kyon before hurrying off.

"Gotta watch that one," Kazuma said, his eyes narrowing as the girl disappeared around a corner. "She's up to something."

"I feel like half the school is up to something now," Kyon muttered. "You think she's some sort of alien,or an esper, or…?"

"I don't care, whatever she is, she's trouble. Stay away from her. Now come on," Kazuma ordered.

They ended up taking the bus, not to some mysterious locale, but to the suburbs just outside of town.

"What are we doing here?" Kyon asked, looking around.

"Testing a theory that I have," Kazuma said, pulling something out of his backpack. He passed it over to Kyon. "You're making a delivery for me."

Taking the package, Kyon glanced down at it, raising his eyebrows. "Cards?"

"Look, in ten years, those are all going to be extremely valuable, and I got them for pennies at the game store!" Kazuma snapped. "So here's what we're going to do."

"Let me guess: we're going to give them to your past self somehow," Kyon sighed. "Seriously? This is the training?"

"Look, think of this as a starter quest. If you can pass it, then you can rank up and earn more difficult tasks," Kazuma said, folding his arms over his chest.

"Look, this has to be against some sort of metaphysical law or something," Kyon sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "You can't go around interfering with your own past."

"Why not? Who's going to stop me?" Kazuma asked.

"Are you kidding? Have you never read a single book or seen a single movie about time travel?! This is how you cause the end of the universe, or make it so you just vanish from existence altogether!" Kyon pointed out.

"Look pal, if your reference pool is Back to the Future and Dragon Ball, let me break it down for you," Kazuma sighed. "Either we're working on a stable time loop sort of time travel, or it's multiverse theory. In one case, I can't really do anything to actually screw up the timeline. In the other, I create a whole new universe so it doesn't actually matter."

"Well I have done some time travel, and when you do, you affect the timeline! Mikuru's talked about timequakes, what if you cause one of those?" Kyon demanded.

"Then I will wait for the nice man in the police call box to show up and get me the hell out of here," Kazuma explained.

Kyon blinked at that one. "The what now?"

"More like Who," Kazuma answered with a smug smirk on his face that made Kyon flush in irritation. "Look, are you going to do it or not?"

"Fine! But if you wink out of existence, I'm telling Aqua it was your own fault," Kyon said as he walked over to the house Kazuma pointed out. He walked up to the door and knocked.

A moment later, a boy who was largely unremarkable aside from his greenish eyes opened up. "Yeah?"

"Are you Kazuma Sato?" Kyon asked.

"Who's asking?" the boy demanded, narrowing his eyes at Kyon.

"I have a package for Kazuma Sato," Kyon sighed. Of course mini-Kazuma would be an annoying irritation as well.

"Well, what's in the package?" the boy asked, now standing on his tiptoes to peer at what Kyon hand.

"Cards," Kyon said, and showed the boy the collection. It was a mixture of Magic, Yu-Gi-Oh, and Pokemon cards.

"Oh, sweet! Yeah, I'm Kazuma!" the boy cried, reaching for the package.

"Ah-ah-ah. Hold up kid. I have an important message for you," Kyon said, leaning down to eye level with the boy.

"Yeah, what is it?" Kid Kazuma asked, still reaching for the cards.

"If you ever meet a goddess named Aqua, do me a favor and just kiss her. It will make everyone's life a lot easier if you blow off some steam," Kyon told the boy.

"Huh? That doesn't make any sense. Are you going to give me the cards or not?" The boy stuck out his chin, glaring up at Kyon.

"Here you go. Do whatever you want with them. Maybe they'll be worth something someday."

"Haha, no way! I bet I can scam a bunch of suckers and trade these for some new games and manga!" the kid cackled, then shut the door in Kyon's face.

"Rude little bugger," Kyon muttered, then turned and walked back down the path to the street.

"Well?" Kazuma demanded.

"I gave him the cards. Do you remember ever doing that?" Kyon asked.

"No. I guess it's not a stable time loop after all," Kazuma said, frowning and peering around some shrubbery to look at the house. "Crap. There goes my plan to use this to get back to Belzerg."

"Wait, really? You don't remember this at all?" Kyon demanded. "Did you hit your head hard when you were a kid or something?"

"No, jackass, of course not! Argh! How am I going to figure out a way to contact Eris now?" Kazuma considered this. "Maybe I should kill my younger self and see if he can talk to Eris on the other side or something."

"What!? Are you INSANE!? I'm not letting you murder a small child!" Kyon snarled, grabbing Kazuma by the collar and attempting to haul him away.

Unfortunately, Kazuma just sort of slid out of Kyon's grasp. "Oh relax. I'd have Aqua bring me back. She could use the practice."

"This is idiotic. I'm not debating with you killing yourself. No suicide, or kinslaying, or whatever it would be to kill yourself in the past," Kyon said in exasperation. "Aren't we going to train?"

"Sure, that was the training. Congratulations, you passed," Kazuma said with a shrug.

"What?! No, I mean, show me how to fight like you do!" Kyon demanded.

Shrugging, Kazuma turned to head back to the bus station. "Throw dirt in their eyes and kick 'em in the balls."

"That's not- hey, hold up!" Kyon hurried after Kazuma, then matched his pace. "You promised you would train me!"

"Look man, I'm not sure what you want. The stuff I do? It's all hax." Kazuma held up his hand, wiggling his fingers suggestively. "You think I can teach you how to do this?"

"What is this anyway? Jazz hands?" Kyon said, and spread his arms wide and wiggled his fingers. "I think I can do better."

"STEAL!" Kazuma's hand glowed, and a moment later, he held up Kyon's wallet, one eyebrow raised. "See? Now you try."

"Hey! That's mine!" Kyon cried, and tried to swipe the wallet back, only for Kazuma to dance away.

"Tell you what. You practice Steal all the way back to the bus stop. If you can steal this back, you can have both of our wallets. Otherwise, I'm keeping this," Kazuma said, pocketing Kyon's wallet.

"How the hell am I supposed to do that?! You didn't even tell me how you did it!" Kyon protested as Kazuma danced away from his continued swipes.

"Skill. You just focus on taking something from someone, and then boom. It's yours," Kazuma said with a shrug.

Despite how silly it felt, Kyon extended his hand towards Kazuma. He closed his eyes, focusing on getting back his wallet. "Steal!"

Nothing, of course, happened. Kyon snapped his eyes open. "Come on man, you have to show me more than that! How did you learn how to do that?"

"Invested the skill points on my Adventurer's Card." Kazuma smirked. "Don't suppose you have one of those."

"No! Argh, come on, I was thinking you'd show me more than this!" Kyon jumped at Kazuma, who stepped away, taking out the wallet and holding it up.

"Aww, poor Kyon. Can't even manage one simple little skill. Come on, it's not that hard. Just-OHSHIT!"

A purple blur streaked between Kazuma and Kyon, ripping the wallet out of Kazuma's hands. The pavement beneath where Yuki had come to rest cracked slightly, and the gust from her impact buffeted both boys enough that they staggered back.

"Kyon. This is not an emergency," Yuki said, turning back to Kyon and handing him his wallet.

Blinking, Kyon took it back and stuck it in his pocket. "Er, thanks, and yeah, I agree. You didn't need to come all the way over here and get my wallet for me, Yuki. I would have gotten it back eventually."

"Says you," Kazuma snorted.

"You contacted me and stated you were in need of immediate aid. I came as quickly as I could." Yuki looked around, muttering an incantation under her breath. "I detect no data breaches in the vicinity, or hostiles."

"No, we're fine. Don't tell me he called you in just because of...never mind," Kazuma turned away, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking irritated.

"Yuki, I didn't contact you," Kyon said, frowning. "What makes you think I did? Was it some sort of time travel?"

"Negative. I received a communication." Yuki held up her phone, showing it to Kyon.

On the screen was a text message that read, Kazuma and I are in serious danger. I need you, Yuki, now. Something has gone terribly wrong with our training. Please hurry. -Kyon.

"But I never sent this," Kyon protested. He reached into his pocket, and rooted around for a second. Frowning, he checked his other pockets, but still came up empty. "Hey, Kazuma, did you take my phone?"

"No, what would I want with an ancient piece of crap like that? Flip phones. What a joke."

"But it's gone! And Yuki had a text from my phone," Kyon cried. "What's going on?"

Kazuma blinked, then snarled, "That girl! She did a bump and snatch on you!"

"You think she took my phone? But why?" Kyon asked. Then he gasped. "Haruhi! Yuki, what were she and Mikuru doing?"

"They were traveling to the past to investigate an anomaly. I was to stand watch in this time plane." Yuki's eyebrows furrowed slightly, and she looked up into Kyon's eyes. "Have I erred?"

"Great. Is this the 'screw with the timestream' day on everyone's apocalypse bingo cards?" Kyon groaned. He took Yuki's phone and hurriedly sent texts to both Haruhi and Mikuru. "Where were you, Yuki?"

"At the Aquarium."

"Well great. That's all the way across town. How long do you think it will take us to get there on the bus?" Kyon asked.

"The next bus that departs for the train station that will take us to the Aquarium will not arrive for 10 minutes," Yuki stated. She turned in the direction of the Aquarium. "This is an unacceptable delay."

"Hold on, don't go sprinting off all willy nilly again," Kazuma said. "Something's up. I'm not sure what's going on, but I don't like it. Guess you're going to get in that training session after all."

"So what's your plan?" Kyon demanded of Kazuma.

"Simple. Time to steal us some wheels. Yuki, you think you can drive a car?" Kazuma asked.

"Affirmative. I am capable of operating a motor vehicle."

To Kyon's disbelief, the first car they found had the keys in a lock box hidden under the car that Kazuma popped open almost effortlessly, then tossed the keys over to Yuki. Kyon buckled in the passenger seat, while Kazuma sat in the back. Instead of the wild ride that Tsuruya had taken them on a few days ago, Yuki drove cautiously, following every rule of the road exactly.

"We are in a bit of a hurry, you know, you could speed up a bit," Kazuma said from the backseat.

"Negative. Motor vehicles are inherently hazardous. I am unwilling to compromise our safety to gain a minimal speed advantage," Yuki answered, carefully signaling before changing lanes.

"You had to have broken a hell of a lot of rules running over to save Kyon. Why was that alright?" Kazuma needled.

Yuki was silent for a few moments, then finally stated. "That was different. I was not operating a motor vehicle at the time."

"Just relax, better to get there safely than not at all," Kyon told Kazuma.

"Whatever. Not my friends on the line," Kazuma said with a disinterested shrug.

They arrived at the Aquarium safely enough, though it was getting close to closing time. They got some odd looks when they bought tickets anyway, then hurried straight to the women's bathroom. Yuki investigated, then returned nearly instantly. "They have returned to this time plane. But they are not here."

"They're not answering my texts," Kyon muttered. "Let me try something." He took out Yuki's phone and dialed Haruhi's number, then held it to his ear.

A moment later, Haruhi's ringtone began to play, and the three turned around.

"Freaking figures," Kazuma muttered. He walked over to a trash can, then reached in and fished around with a disgusted look on his face. A moment later, he pulled his hand out with three phones in his hand.

"This one yours?" Kazuma asked, tossing one of the phones at Kyon.

"Hey!" Kyon snatched his phone out of the air, then rubbed it on his sleeve before flipping it open. He held it towards Yuki. "Can you tell anything about who sent the message?"

Yuki examined the phone for a moment, then shook her head. "There is a faint data trace, but it is insufficient to track the individual without more information."

"Well shit. This looks bad," Kazuma muttered. "How the hell do we track those two down?"

"We need someone with resources. Someone who is familiar with the underworld here," Kyon said. He sighed and punched in another number.

"Do not tell me you're calling that smug asshole," Kazuma groaned.

"You have a better idea?" Kyon demanded as he held the phone to his ear. It rang once, then a familiar voice spoke.

"This is Koizumi's phone. I'm not available right now, but if you leave a message, I'll return your call as soon as I can. Ciao!"

"Koizumi! Haruhi's been kidnapped! Mikuru's missing too. I don't know where you've been, but we need your help now!" Kyon said. He hung up in frustration, then redialed.

"Well that's a big fat bust," Kazuma sighed. "Come on, let's get out of here."

"Just leave!? We can't give up, something bad has happened to those girls!" Kyon protested.

"Yeah, so what are you going to do, hot shot?"

"Well...we could call the police," Kyon pointed out.

"You do that. I'm going to do something productive. We're not out of leads yet," Kazuma declared, and ambled off towards the exit.

"Do you think we should call the police and file a missing persons report?" Kyon asked Yuki.

She considered it briefly, then shook her head. "This could involve the TPDD. We should start with them. We must find a way to contact Mikuru's future self."

"How do we do that?" Kyon asked. "Do you know where Mikuru lives?"

Yuki nodded, and then followed Kyon out as they raced to catch up with Kazuma.

"We're going to Mikuru's apartment to investigate, see if we can contact her future self and get a lead on this," Kyon panted. "What are you planning?"

"Darkness has been acting weird. She said something about 'Returning the Goddess of Belzerg.' I'm starting to suspect that she didn't mean Aqua. So I think it's time to grill that pervy crusader and pin her down," Kazuma answered. "Plus, Aqua has that bond or whatever with Mikuru. I bet she can help find her."

"Good. You work on that. We'll find them," Kyon said, feeling at least slightly relieved. "You think Ms. Ford might really have kidnapped Haruhi?"

"No," Kazuma said, his eyes narrowing. "But I'm willing to bet she knows something she hasn't told us. I'll let you know if I find something out."

Yuki once more followed all traffic safety laws on the way to Mikuru's apartment, which was located not far from North High in an older building. Yuki led Kyon up a flight of stairs to the second floor, before nodding at a door. "Here."

"Can you open it?" Kyon asked.

Yuki studied the door, then shook her head. "It is secured with an advanced time lock. Unauthorized entry could have severe consequences."

Kyon looked at the door, then frowned. He reached out, and simply turned the knob. The door swung open. "Figures. She would forget to lock her own door."

Inside, a cat meowed at them, then hissed at the intruders.

"Hey, we were just looking for Mikuru! Have you seen her, puss?" Kyon said, kneeling and holding a hand out. He wasn't sure why. It wasn't like this cat could talk. Probably.

The cat just hissed at Kyon again, before running off and hiding somewhere. He stood, looking around. Yuki was standing by the kitchen table, her head slowly panning around the small room.

"Anything?" Kyon asked.

"Yes. There is a time anomaly here," Yuki stated. "I can access it, but it may prove hazardous."

Kyon swallowed, then went over to stand beside Yuki. "Do it. We need to know."

Silently, Yuki reached out and took Kyon's hand. She looked up at him, and Kyon thought he saw...fear? Anxiety? In her eyes.

"It will be alright, we'll find both of them," Kyon said, giving Yuki a smile.

"That is not what I am concerned about," Yuki answered. "I am...worried. Is this my fault? Did I commit an error? You were not in any danger. I should have realized this."

"Yuki, you're only...well, not human, but you're a person. It's not your fault. Blame whoever kidnapped them. We'll find them, and we'll save them. It will all be alright," Kyon promised, and gave Yuki's hand a squeeze.

She nodded, then extended her other hand before her. "Accessing data node. Commencing Time-Space manipulation sequence."

There was a flash of light, and a crack seemed to sprout in reality before them.

Who is it? Can you hear me? What's happened on this time plane!?

"Big Mikuru? It's me, Kyon, Yuki's with me! What happened to, er, your younger self?" Kyon called.

Kyon! There's been a massive timequake! My TPDD is malfunctioning, and time travel has become extremely hazardous! What do you mean, what happened to my younger self?

"You and Haruhi vanished at the Aquarium. We can't find you," Kyon called.

Oh no! The Aquarium? But- oh no. Ah! The link is fading! Kyon, you have to find Mikuru and Haruhi! Something's happened to disrupt the time stream! I think it's agents from Delta Green, but also the Sky-

"Connection interrupted. Time plane fluctuating. Disconnecting," Yuki stated. The air folded in on itself, and Kyon and Yuki were once more standing in a normal seeming apartment.

After a moment, Kyon managed to release his death grip on Yuki's hand and swallow, then croak, "Have you ever heard of Delta Green?"

"Yes," Yuki agreed. When Kyon nodded at her to continue, she supplied, "It is an American organization created to handle what is classified as super natural phenomena. They have encountered the Data Overmind at times."

"And the Sky Canopy Dominion is mixed up in this too, somehow," Kyon sighed. "Right. Well, this seems to be a bust. Let's hope Kazuma had better luck."

Fortunately for everyone, Kazuma always had plenty of luck. Though not always the kind he wanted.