Beta'd and edited by tabasco and the Grand Cogitator
Chapter 36: The Messiest Timeline
Something wet splashed in Kazuma's face, and he struggled back to consciousness, spitting and rubbing at the patch of wetness. "Ugh, Aqua! Knock it off! What are you doing?"
Why had Kazuma been on the floor again? Oh, right. Apparently, Aqua had a daughter. His daughter. And he was still a virgin. This was manifestly, monumentally, completely and totally, unfair. If Kazuma was going to have a kid, he should have at least gotten laid first.
He finally opened his eyes, and found not Aqua, but a scruffy fat guy looming over at him and glaring.
"K-Kazuma! Why did you spit at…at him?!" Darkness demanded, her seat belt straining between her breasts as she flushed and panted.
"I didn't spit at anyone!" Kazuma growled, and managed to sit up. He found he was in a car, which was swerving through traffic at insane speeds, a snarling Aqua at the wheel. When had she learned to drive? Or swear.
"SLOW DOOOOOWWNNN!" Aqua cried, and Kazuma blinked, realizing she was in the passenger seat and gripping the dash with all her might while looking pale.
"GET OUT OF MY WAY YOU SON OF A BITCH! DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO CUT ME OFF!" Aqua also raged. Except she was…blonde? But Kazuma would recognize that voice anywhere, even if it did sound…off?
"Wait a second…did you just spit at me?!" Kazuma demanded, rounding on the old guy sitting next to him. "Listen here, asshole, I'm a believer in True Gender Equality, and-"
"No, you're not. Besides, I'm a man," the old guy interrupted. "Gender has nothing to do with it, and never has."
That made Kazuma bristle. "What kind of man spits on an unconscious boy who's helpless!? Aqua, what the hell are we doing, and who is this jerk?!"
"You're my husband," driver-Aqua said.
"You're a jerk!" passenger Aqua echoed.
"We're saving our daughter!" both said in stereo.
Kazuma blinked again, and his eyes went up to the old man's hairline. It wasn't just receding: That sucker was gone. This guy was past the reverse yamaka stage, and onto the full furrow down the center bit, with a few wisps sticking out in the middle. He had a bit of a gut, and was dressed in a too tight green jumpsuit, with a tanto strapped to his back, along with an unstrung horn bow.
"No," Kazuma said, his tone horrified.
"Yes. And frankly, you deserve it," the old man said, folding his arms over his chest.
"And you call me a pervert," Darkness muttered. "Even I never spit on myself."
"You enjoyed it when the Axis Cult did it to you," the old man said with a smug grin.
"This can't be happening! Why are there two Aqua's!? Why are there two me's?!" Kazuma demanded, clutching at his head.
"There aren't. It's Dragon Ball, not Back to the Future. Mostly," the old man said.
"Oh." Kazuma calmed down considerably, considering this. "So, you're Future Trunks then? I'll just call you 'Trunks.'"
"I would consider that an insult at your age I suppose, but frankly I came up with something worse when I was in your position so I'm considering this a win," Trunkzuma agreed.
Kazuma glanced up at the Aquas, who were still slightly panicking as they careened across town. "So, uh…"
"If anything you mention has the words 'threesome' in it, I will test if killing you affects the timeline, or if Aqua can just bring you back one more time," Trunkzuma said, his tone dark.
"No! I just, um…I was going to ask if…never mind," Kazuma folded his arms over his chest and pointedly looked away, trying to look a lot tougher than he felt. He glanced at Darkness, but she was peering out the window in anticipation of their arrival at…wherever they were going.
"Oh." The old man leaned in close to Kazuma, and put his hand on…hisself's shoulder? Kazuma decided he hated time travel. "She's got to make her choice, but so do you. When you do…good luck."
"What's that supposed to mean?! Come on, man, at least give me more of a hint than THAT!" Kazuma demanded.
"Well if I have my way it will be a non-issue, but considering that both you two, Darkness, and my daughter are involved I have a feeling this is going to be another massive headache," Trunkzuma sighed. "All we need now is Megumin and the headache will be complete."
"Tell me about it, those girls are nothing but trouble," Kazuma grumbled as the car pulled to a stop outside of a nondescript office building. Then, he realized exactly what had been said. "HEY! I am not one of the problem children! I'm the SOLUTION!"
"It's when you stop lying to yourself that you'll finally grow up," Trunkszuma said as he got out of the car, shutting the door in Kazuma's face.
In outrage, Kazuma scrambled over Darkness, who was having a hard time opening the door, pulled open the lock, and jumped out, ready to harass his other self. Instead, he found himself face to face with his current Least Favorite Person in the entire world.
"Koizumi," Kazuma growled, glaring at his Arch Nemesis. The boy was dressed in a black suit and tie, and had on sunglasses with an earpiece. But Kazuma would recognize that smug grin anywhere.
"Welcome to the Organization's Headquarters, Mr. Sato," Koizumi said with his false grin.
"He's Mr. Sato," Kazuma said, pointing to Trunkzuma. "I'm just Kazuma, thanks."
Koizumi's smile slipped, and he looked at the older man, slightly baffled. "Wait, aren't you Mr. Suzumiya? How-."
A look of pure, dawning horror passed over Koizumi's face as he looked back and forth between Haruhi's parents, along with Kazuma and Aqua.
"You can have a meltdown later, smart guy," Trunkzuma growled. "Right now, it's time to find Haruhi."
"I…I don't…" Koizumi looked utterly gobsmacked, especially when Blonde-Aqua walked over and gave him a hug.
"It's been a long time, Koizumi. At least for me. It's good to see you again. To make it simpler, just call me Thalia, or Mrs. Suzumiya. I'm Haruhi's mother."
"But that means…you're…then she is…and HE is Haruhi's father?!" Koizumi spluttered.
"Wait, what?" Kyon asked, coming around the side of the building with Yuki. He turned to the short alien, obviously baffled. "Do you know what is going on?"
"He has realized that Haruhi Suzumiya's parents are Kazuma Sato and Aqua Mizu," Yuki answered. When Kyon blinked at her, Yuki glanced away from his eyes for a moment. "I am…also realizing this data for the first time. I shall require some time to process it."
"Yeah, no kidding," Kyon muttered. Then he shook his head. "Right, what's important is that we need to FIND Haruhi. We know she's been kidnapped, but not by who. We need to find her and Ms. Asahina as soon as possible."
"That, I can agree with," Trunkzuma grunted, folding his arms over his chest.
"We already called our friends, they've started looking too," Thalia added. "We're going to go looking too. We'll have to spread out, and search for clues."
"What are we, the Scooby Gang?" Kazuma demanded. "That never works!"
"We've got a lot of ground to cover, and the Americans are bastards. We've tangled with them before," Trunkzuma said with a shake of his head. "Though who exactly they sent, I dunno."
"The Sky Canopy Dominion is mixed up in all this too. So maybe we should start there. With Sasaki, if nothing else," Kyon said.
Both of Haruhi's actual parents froze as soon as that was mentioned, looks of concern and fear on their faces.
"...what's going on there?" Kazuma asked suspiciously. Then he blinked. "Wait, if Aqua and I are Haruhi's parents…"
Aqua nodded, her own eyes narrowing, "Then that means…"
"Oh thank goodness you figured it out," Thalia sighed.
"THAT MEANS THAT SASAKI'S MOM IS CHRIS/ERIS?!" Kazuma and Aqua exclaimed at the same time.
Thalia and Trunkzuma both blinked in puzzlement, while Koizumi, Yuki, and Kyon appeared baffled.
"Who's Chris?" Kyon asked, frowning.
"Wait, why would you think it's Chris?" Aqua demanded of Kazuma. "It's clearly Eris."
"They're the same person! Didn't you ever figure it out?!" Kazuma demanded.
"What?! Are you serious?!" Thalia demanded. When Kazuma nodded, she rounded on her husband. "Why did you never tell me this!?"
"Ok, who is this…Chris Eris person?" Koizumi demanded. "And what does it have to do with Sasaki?"
"She, um, she's another goddess from Belzerg," Darkness explained. "I…I didn't realize that Chris…she was my oldest friend…but that means…oh. Well, that does explain their similar appearance…I just hadn't thought about it…"
To the consternation of the three original SOS Brigade members, the next minute was filled with Aqua and Thalia harassing both Kazuma and Trunkzuma, which involved a lot of yelling, crying, and physical violence on both ends. By the end of it, Kazuma was pinching Aqua's cheeks while she pulled at his hair, though the older versions were hugging and seemed to be over it.
"Look, sorry, it just never came up," Trunkzuma finally said as he and Thalia separated. "But no, Eris isn't- Oh, for the love of! Knock it off! You two can flirt later."
"We're not flirting!" Kazuma and Aqua snapped, separating from their little scuffle.
"This all is very…enlightening," Koizumi said, his smile twitching slightly. "But I already have the Organization searching the city. I had not thought to check on the Sky Canopy Dominion, but it's a good lead. Now, who, exactly, is Tiana Ryuuguuin?"
"That sounds familiar," Aqua muttered, rubbing her chin.
"She's Agent T," Thalia provided, unhelpfully for everyone else.
"Her name really is Tiana. But you knew her as…" Trunkzuma paused dramatically, "...Ristarte."
"Oooooh," Aqua nodded, suddenly happy. "Well, I'm glad she finally married Seiya! That explains everything."
"That doesn't explain ANYTHING!" Kazuma protested, and Koizumi nodded in agreement, until he caught himself and a look of horror flashed over his face.
"We know that her father is Seiya, but what significance is it that her mother used to be named Ristarte?!" Kyon demanded.
"Data not found on 'Ristarte,'" Yuki added, looking serious. "Please provide additional data."
"She was at that weird school, remember?" Thalia prompted Kazuma. "You know, with Tanya, and Subaru…and them."
"Who's them?" Koizumi asked, feeling suddenly nervous.
"Don't worry about it. They never showed up in our lives after that and I certainly would rather forget the whole thing," Trunkzuma told him.
Thalia gave her husband an exasperated look. "You DID forget the whole thing."
"...That's not the issue. The point is, Ristarte was a goddess, but gave it up to marry a mortal," Trunkzuma explained. He frowned. "Kinda odd I can tell you all this now…"
"Haruhi Suzumiya is in danger. Data restrictions have been lifted," Yuki stated.
"Right, well, whatever the case, it's best not to involve Sasaki. I already contacted her parents, and they'll put out feelers, so will Subaru and his wife," Trunkzuma said.
"And this Tanya?" Kyon asked. "Who's she?"
"A Nazi. Hope we never run into her. She's a piece of work," Trunkzuma said, making a face.
"She's not a Nazi! I told you, there was no Nazi party in her world, and Germany was called the Empire!" Thalia protested. Her husband gave her a look and she relented. "...but she's a very unpleasant person we have…history with. A lot of history. I'd prefer it if we didn't get her involved."
"Fine, but that doesn't give us a lot to go on," Koizumi sighed. "We do have a description of known Delta Green operatives in the area, along with pictures. I've got handouts for everyone."
Kazuma took the folder and started flipping through it. There were various military types, but he paused when he got two two women. One a short blonde, the other a taller brunette. He didn't quite recognize them, but something niggled at the back of his mind. The short one was labeled as 'X11' and the other as 'Brau.'
"Kazuma," Aqua gasped, holding up the picture. "It's…it's…"
"THAT BITCH!" Trunkzuma roared and at the same time Thalia let out a horrified gasp.
"Let me guess," Kyon sighed, massaging his temple. "It's the Nazi girl from another world."
"I was afraid of that," Koizumi muttered, flipping his own folder to the proper page. "We spotted her earlier in the week with her partner, but they've been off the radar. We've never tangled with her, but what we've heard…X11, or Tanya as it seems, is a nasty bit of work."
"She never forgave me, not really, not even after we helped her and Visha after she…she…" Thalia swallowed and fought back some tears.
"If she has her hands on my baby girl, this time, I'll end her," Trunkzuma growled. Then he looked worriedly at his wife, and for some reason, Aqua. "The two of you though…might want to hide out."
"Don't be a moron, honey," Thalia said sweetly. "I'm just as capable as you are of stopping that little twerp."
"Why would I be worried about her?" Aqua demanded. "And I'm not stopping until we find Haruhi! I don't care if she's the Chief Goddess, or my daughter, she's my friend!"
Kyon blinked at that, then turned to Kazuma. "You know, you might be the only person I know who's love life is more confusing than my own."
"Why are you complaining? You're the one with the overpowered magical girlfriend who's actually sane," Kazuma grumbled.
"Right, we need a plan, and we should start with Ku Suo," Koizumi said, trying to get things back on track. "Nagato, can you track her down?"
"Yes. Locating the Sky Canopy Dominion is well within my current abilities," Yuki agreed.
"Well if that's true, I'm coming with you, so you don't get sick again!" Aqua declared.
"Well then, I guess I'm with you," Kazuma sighed. "Come on, Kyon. Let's get this started."
Koizumi opened his mouth, but Trunkzuma put his hand on his shoulder. "You're coming with us, Smiley. I've got a plan. I think I have an idea of where Tanya will be. You too, Darkness. We'll need some muscle."
"Hey! No stealing the Meat Shield!" Kazuma protested.
Darkness blushed, but nodded. "That will make four and four. Effective groups."
"Fine. You people have cell phones?" Kazuma demanded. They traded numbers, and each group set out on their own mission. Kazuma piled into the car he had "borrowed" for Yuki with the others, and they set off at a maddeningly safe pace. He had Kyon climb into the back, while Aqua took shotgun.
"So, where's Kuyo?" Kyon asked, buckling his seatbelt. "And will this make you sick, Yuki?"
"I am likely to encounter errors on this mission," Yuki agreed, putting on her turn signal as she changed lanes. "Aqua Mizu's presence should allow for them to be remedied. Currently, Kuyo Suo is located at 34.750616, 135.326484, and is currently moving North by North East at a pace of 6 kilometers per hour."
"Uh…" Kazuma glanced at Kyon, who shrugged.
"Yuki, can you tell us what the general location of er…those coordinates are?" Kyon asked.
"It is by the Lawsons on Minamiko Street," Yuki replied, her tone even. "We are making our way there now."
"Oh, can we stop and get snacks? I'm hungry," Aqua asked.
"We're on a mission to save our daughter!" Kazuma argued. "We can't stop for snacks!"
"I'm still mad at you for making me mortal," Aqua grumbled, folding her arms over her chest and looking out her window.
"How…exactly does that work?" Kyon asked. Then he shook his head. "Nevermind. Look, we'll be there in a few minutes. What's our actual plan?"
"We could beat the stuffing out of this broad and make her tell us where Haruhi is," Kazuma suggested.
"Negative. In our current states, we are no match for the Sky Canopy Dominion in direct conflict," Yuki said, her eyes not moving from the road.
"I beat her last time," Kazuma said with a smirk.
"Last time, you exploited a breach in the Sky Canopy Dominion's data collection protocols. That exploit will have been patched and will not be successful again," Yuki stated.
"Well, I'm a goddess! I could take her!" Aqua said, coming out of her funk and giving the dashboard in front of her a couple of punches.
"How can you be mad at me for making you mortal if you're still a goddess!?" Kazuma demanded. "I haven't even gotten laid out of this! That's part of it, right?!"
"You can complain about being the second virgin father later," Kyon told him. "I'm sure Joseph of Bethlehem would love to commiserate with you on the subject ."
"Who the hell is Joseph of Bethlehem?" Kazuma asked.
"The possibly apocryphal father of Jesus of Nazareth," Yuki stated. "Scholarly consensus on the matter is that Jesus of Nazareth did exist, but-"
"Oh he's totally real, the worship stealing jerk. But we're not talking about him! We're talking about our daughter, the Chief Goddess!" Aqua said. "And look! There's the Lawsons! Kuyo is inside."
"Ok, stay here," Kazuma said, unbuckling his seatbelt as Yuki put on her blinker to parallel park. "I'll go in and scout things out."
Kazuma got out of the car and stalked towards the Lawsons. He carefully peaked inside the window, where he spotted the dark haired alien standing in front of the drinks cooler, simply staring at them. The bored employee behind the counter was eyeing her, but hadn't said anything.
"Hey, why are you waiting?"
Kazuma jumped about a meter into the air and spun about to see Aqua waiting behind him. "Don't do that! You nearly gave me a heart attack!"
"Come on, let's go in! I want some snacks!" Aqua said, turning to grab the door.
"Don't do that! We're stalking her! We don't want to make her suspicious!" Kazuma hissed.
"Well, a NEET peeking at a girl through the window is pretty creepy and suspicious," Aqua sniffed. "Just go inside and buy something. That's totally normal!"
Grumbling under his breath that Aqua was entirely correct, Kazuma opened the door. He pretended to browse, watching the Humanoid Interface out of the corner of his eye. She had moved from the drink cooler to the shelves, where she was looking at…pet food? Why was she looking at the pet food?
After a few minutes, Kuyo picked out some birdseed of all things, and went to pay for it. Kazuma got in line behind her, looking around for something to grab to make himself less suspicious.
"Here, hold these! I got some for everyone." Aqua appeared behind Kazuma, holding four extra large slurpees, several bags of snacks, and a container of Chicken Katsu from the warm food section. She dumped the bags of chips and chicken into Kazuma's hands, humming to herself and sipping at a container of blue slurpee.
"What!? Why are you getting all this!?" Kazuma demanded.
"We're on a stake out, duh," Aqua said in a stage whisper. "We've got to stay fed! Plus, Yuki said she likes chicken katsu, so I got her some!"
"I don't…ugh! Fine!" Kazuma watched as Kuyo paid for her birdseed, then left the store. He dumped everything on the counter, and the employee began scanning the items.
"Find everything, sir?"
"Yes, hurry it up!" Kazuma ordered.
The cashier looked slightly offended, but quickly scanned their items. Kazuma threw 1000 yen bills at him, then ran off before he could get his change. Aqua, however, stayed behind, collecting the change and politely thanking the cashier.
Despite his haste, Kazuma needn't have bothered, as Kuyo wasn't in a hurry. She held her bag of birdseed in one hand, walking slowly down the road at a rather unhurried pace.
"Where's she going?" Kazuma muttered to himself.
"Here's your drink. It's your favorite!" Aqua said, handing Kazuma a large butter mochi flavored slurpee.
"Um, thanks," Kazuma said, and took a long drink. It was pretty good.
They ended up getting back in the car, passing out snacks as they slowly followed Kuyo. Yuki ended up circling the block a few times, refusing to stay still in traffic. In the end, Kuyo made her way to a nearby park, where she sat on a bench, where she began to toss birdseed into a flower bed. A few pigeons and finches flew over to peck at it, but Kuyo's tosses were erratic, most of the seed falling where the birds couldn't easily get at it.
"What is she even doing?" Kazuma muttered, munching on a green tea KitKat as he sipped his drink.
"I think she doesn't really get feeding birds. She seems even more, er…unaware than Yuki used to be," Kyon said. He glanced at Yuki, who was quietly munching on some of the chicken katsu with Aqua. "No offense."
"Human behavioral patterns and norms were difficult to adapt to. Understanding the optimal way to feed avians is data I did not easily acquire. Her scatter should be more proximal to her, and on a flatter surface," Yuki said.
"I like feeding birds, but fish are more fun. They always say nice things to me," Aqua said around a mouthful of chicken.
"Wait, someone's coming over to her, shh!" Kazuma hissed, ducking down.
"Why? We look like four teenagers stopping for a snack. If you act weird, then you'll be suspicious," Kyon told him. "Just sit up and stare at the weird alien girl like a normal person."
Kazuma turned to glare at him. "Oh har, har. Some of us have serious stakeout experience, you know!"
"What, did you watch too many episodes of Lupin III or something?" Kyon asked, raising one eyebrow.
"No! Yes! Look, that's not important! I was a seriously famous thief, you know! I had to case places and stuff."
"That's Visha!" Aqua gasped, pointing to the new woman. "She's one of Tanya's subordinates!"
The woman in question was wearing a large hat and sunglasses, with her hair pulled up under it to hide its length and color. She was wearing makeup that disguised how foreign she was, though upon closer inspection Kazuma could tell she wasn't Japanese. For one thing, she was too tall, and for another, she seemed just a bit too alert to be a normal person.
"If only we could hear what they are saying," Kyon muttered, rubbing his chin.
"'It's a lovely day, are the birds hungry?'" Kazuma said in a perfect imitation of a woman speaking lightly accented Japanese.
"'Greetings, Agent Viktoriya Ivanovna Serebryakov. Countersign: Yes, do you have a hungry bird at home,'" Kazuma said, mimicking the Sky Canopy Dominion's Interface's odd inflection.
"That is accurate," Yuki confirmed.
"I taught Kazuma Master Performer and Lip Reading," Aqua said proudly.
"Yes, thank you, your party skills come in handy sometimes, now hush," Kazuma hissed.
"'It eliminates the point of a code phrase if you are going to greet me by name.'"
"'Error: Do you wish communicate?'"
"Yes. We have the bird in hand, along with another. We need your help. You wish to extract the…data, from the target, yes?"
"We wish communicate. Extract data from Haruhi Suzumiya?"
"Yes. This will render her…inoperable, yes?"
"What!? They're going to kill our daughter! Kazuma, stop them!" Aqua wailed, reaching back to grab Kazuma's shirt with greasy fingers.
"Shhhh! They'll hear you! Let me finish," Kazuma said, but he gently took Aqua's greasy hands in his. When she started to sniffle, he drew her back into his lap and hugged her while he continued to observe.
"Unknown. Data extraction desired. Auto evolution required. Want return/communicate/evolve. Was not alone. Cannot be alone."
"You won't be alone. We will be there. When can you come to our safe house?"
Kuyo stood, dumping the bird seed on the ground and causing several of the pigeons to flutter away, before a whole swarm of the birds returned. "Now. Want communicate/return/evolve. Where is source of data?"
"This way," Visha said, standing and leading Kuyo away from the park.
Yuki started up the car and put it in reverse, then paused and looked in her rearview mirror as if expecting something.
"They're getting away! Step on it!" Kazuma ordered.
"The law states that all passengers must wear a seatbelt, and that one person may sit in a seat," Yuki stated, watching Aqua with a stern expression.
Since Aqua was still sitting on Kazuma's lap and sniffling, she was not in compliance with the law. She blushed, and quickly slid into the middle seat and buckled up.
"Oh for crying out loud," Kazuma complained, but he blushed as well, realizing how things had looked.
Once Aqua was strapped in, Yuki dutifully backed out, then carefully headed in the direction that Visha and Kuyo were headed in. Before Yuki could even catch up though, they turned down an alleyway, one too narrow for the car to follow.
"Hurry up, pull over!" Kazuma urged, but Yuki went a little past the alley, as there was a fire hydrant, and parked in the marked section. She had barely put on the parking brake before Kazuma and Aqua piled out of the vehicle and dashed off in hot pursuit to where their targets had vanished.
"Where are they?" Kazuma demanded, looking around. "Where did-"
Something triggered in the back of Kazuma's mind, and he grabbed Aqua, pulling her flat to the ground. An instant later, there was a sharp crack, and a bullet whizzed through where his chest had been.
"Sato. I might have known," Visha said, stepping out from the shadows. A pistol with a silencer on it was in her hands, and she pointed it towards the two on the pavement of the alley.
"Visha!? What are you doing?!" Aqua gasped. "Why are you shooting at us?! Why did you kidnap Haruhi?!"
"I will be the one asking questions here. What is your connection to Haruhi Suzumiya? Why are you here, and not in your world?" Visha asked, keeping her weapon trained on Aqua and Kazuma.
"Because we're Haruhi's-" Aqua began, but Kazuma put a hand over her mouth.
"Friends. We're her friends. This is my hometown. I figured I'd show it to Aqua before we got hitched."
Visha paused, then a look of horror stole over her face. "Oh! I…I am sorry!" She hastily put the gun into her purse, looking around. "We must move. People would have heard the shot."
"Yeah, your silencer didn't work very well, my ears are still ringing," Kazuma complained.
"It did work," Visha said, a small smile on her lips. "But it is not like your movies and anime, Kazuma. The sound is still loud, just dampened."
"Where's Haruhi?" Aqua insisted as they stood.
"And why are you suddenly being buddy buddy?" Kazuma demanded as Visha began to walk further into the alley.
"Well, if you are to wed…Aqua will become mortal, yes? That is how we are given to understand it works," Visha said, her tone clipped as she walked off at a brisk pace.
Kazuma's phone vibrated, and he checked it. It was a message from Kyon
R U K? Following Kuyo.
Y. Following V. Stay in touch, Kazuma replied.
"I um, I think…" Aqua bit her lip and looked at Kazuma. "I think maybe I wouldn't mind…"
"Ah! It has been so long since I was as innocent as you," Visha said, smiling coyly. "If there is one thing I owe you for…well. The Major was always dear to my heart, but you two…well, I do appreciate your help. Even if…you are not angry about…wait. You do not remember what happened?"
"Kazuma's memory was wiped like the rest of the mortals. How do you remember?" Aqua asked, but before Visha could respond, a black cord whipped out of the shadows and wrapped around her neck.
Gasping for breath, Visha's hands went to the rope, but she was dragged to the alley wall, her feet lifting off the pavement slightly as her heels drummed against the brick side.
"What the- UP THERE!" Kazuma said, pointing up to a figure clothed all in black, complete with a black- was that a Batman mask?
The figure slid down the other end of the rope, coming lightly to rest next to Visha as she struggled and gasped.
"Who are you?! Why are you hurting Visha?" Aqua demanded. "You have to let her go, she has to tell us where Haruhi is!"
The man glanced at Aqua, then raised his Batman mask. "That's why I'm here."
"Seiya!?" Aqua gasped.
"Wait, Sasaki's dad?" Kazuma asked. "You're…"
"-the goddamn Batman," Seiya finished. He grabbed Visha and lifted so that she could breathe, and leaned in close. "Where is my niece?"
Just then, Kazuma's phone buzzed.
HELP
Author's note:
Brought to you by my Jman, who really wanted to break everyone's mind with too much time travel shenanigans.