Looking down at the rundown town, Sasaki couldn't help but feel that this was the sort of place that one would expect to find in Mordor, or perhaps the End Time in Chrono Trigger. The buildings were all dingy and made of various cobbled together scraps, while the streets were dirt or mud. The only halfway decent looking building was some sort of overseer's hut, but it looked more like a mound of earth than anything else.
"Are we really sure that just, you know, walking into town is the best idea?" Sasaki demanded of Komekko as they continued their trek down the slope.
"I mean, why not? I'm the most dangerous thing here, I promise," Komekko said with a shrug.
Sasaki wasn't sure about that. Currently, Komekko looked a lot like she and Kyoko did: That is, sweaty messes who hadn't had enough to drink or eat recently and who's uniforms were all stained and rumpled from several hours of hiking. Komekko had remembered at some point that Sasaki could conjure up drinkable water, but they were still hot and miserable, and the water had tasted as stale as the air did.
"Don't worry, if she can't handle it, I can. I could kill for a bath at this point," Kyoko groused.
"If you say so," Sasaki sighed. Honestly at this point she supposed she was up for fighting some orcs or whatever it was that lived in that town. Just as long as she did get a bath and somewhere to put her feet up. Why was it that she had blisters? Nascent goddesses shouldn't get blisters in her opinion.
True to form, there was a big ogre of some sort that saw them as they approached the town. It hefted its club and grinned. "Well, three little snacks, and no one to claim them! I'll just-"
"Minion! Where am I?" Komekko demanded, planting her hands on her hips. "Tell me swiftly and be rewarded. Hinder me and suffer the consequences!"
The ogre blinked, and scratched at the single horn jutting out of its forehead. It wore only a dirty loincloth, and had one eye with a big ole bushy eyebrow. It looked rather classic and uninspired in Sasaki's opinion. Who was in charge of this place?
"Er, you're just a human! And I'm an ogre! You have to obey ME!" it bellowed, and charged.
"Oh for- JUST SLOW DOWN!" Kyoko snapped, and made a slicing gesture with her hands.
The ogre let out a cry of pain as one of its knees exploded in a blast of gore, and it tumbled to the ground. Kyoko stomped over, a glowing ball of energy forming over one of her hands. "Listen. We're hot, tired, and hungry. Seriously, just tell us where we are!"
"HUMANS! ADVENTURERS! HELP!" the ogre bellowed loudly, cradling its knee.
There were bellows of anger, and four more ogres appeared from the nearby woods, some of them shattering the thin and sickly looking trees as they ran out into the open.
"KILL THE HUMANS!" the ogres bellowed, waving giant clubs.
"BEHOLD!" Komekko declared, jumping up onto a stump by the path and posing. "I AM KOMEKKO, FOREMOST DEVIL QUEEN OF-"
One of the ogres flung something foul smelling and filthy at Komekko, which she barely dodged.
"Oh for…WILL YOU STOP IT!?" Komekko shouted, pointing a finger at the ogres. A few beams of red light shot out, instantly incinerating each of them, and leaving nothing but carbonized skeletons behind. "Hmph. Serves them right for interrupting my introduction."
"Essh. You don't hold back do you?" Kyoko asked as he approached the lamed ogre, who was staring in horror.
"W-what? B-but the last of the Adventurers are supposed to be dead, and Machine Emperor Oxerio is dealing with that pesky hero!" the ogre babbled, trying to scoot away.
"Listen. Just tell us where we are, and we'll let you live," Kyoko promised.
"Filthy humans! I will feast on your bones! Your pathetic magic is no match for Chief Brundle, who rules this village in the name of the Devil King!" the ogre spat.
Sasaki, meanwhile, was clutching at her head. "Machine Emperor…Oxerio? No, no that can't be right…"
"Devil King!? I'm gone a couple of WEEKS and some idiot replaces me?! WHO! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHO!" Komekko raged, striding over to pick up the ogre and shake him roughly, despite being roughly the size of his head.
"Argh! Die, human!" The very unimaginative ogre snarled, and tried to crush Komekko with an awkward swing of his club.
"Yeah, no," Kyoko said in disgust, and blew the ogre in half with her energy ball. She tossed her hair in irritation, and glanced at Komekko. "Are you sure you're the Devil King?"
"We can't be here!" Sasaki suddenly screamed, and leaving her friends behind, sprinted to the village. Komekko and Kyoko ran behind her, but Sasaki skidding to a stop, looking in horror at emaciated humans in a cage near the entrance, where an ogre chief had a crudely constructed stall with letters that read: "Hummie meet: bst n Ixphoria!"
"NO!" Sasaki screamed, falling to her knees. "NO NO NO NO!"
"Huh? An escaped human? Get back here! I've got hungry customers!" the ogre snarled, striding forward, hand outstretched. He looked up for a moment, then his head exploded as Kyoko shouted, "VENOM'S FIRE!"
A moment later, the two other girls were at Sasaki's side as she wept uncontrollably.
"Oh…oh that's bad," Kyoko gasped, spying the caged up humans, who were looking on with dull eyes, a few even standing in surprise.
"WHAT!? Who did this?! I EXPLICITLY forbade eating humans! Ugh, who am I gonna have to teach a lesson to?!" Komekko snarled, rolling up her sleeves and striding forward. Two ogres appeared from the wooden gates, snarling and waving clubs, but burned to ash at a gesture from Komekko.
"What…what should we do?" Kyoko asked, pointing to the cage.
"I'm back, I never thought…how could I be back?!" Sasaki whispered, still trembling.
"Well come on, we'd best catch up to Komekko…she does seem to be kinda powerful," Kyoko said, helping Sasaki to her feet.
When Kyoko freed the penned up humans, Sasaki barely noticed, or the various exploded or burning corpses of ogres and a few other monsters they passed. Komekko made a beeline for the center of town, where she looked about in disgust. Chained up humans worked menial tasks, while ogres, goblins, orcs, and a few larger oni lazed about. There were a few butchered cuts of meat that Sasaki didn't want to look too closely at, but was certain she knew what they were.
"HEY! You, human, what are you-" a large blue oni with two heads demanded, but Komekko was having none of it.
"CRYSTAL ICE PRISON! SHATTER!"
The oni froze mid sentence, then flew apart in a blizzard of icy chunks that decimated a group of goblins. Apparently satisfied, Komekko drew herself up in the middle of the square, then took in a deep breath. She suddenly grew taller, two goat horns sprouting from her forehead, and black wings unfolding from her back, while her feet turned to cloven hooves. Komekko retained her slender figure, though, along with her raven hair, pale skin, and burning red eyes.
"FOOLISH MORTALS! BEHOLD! I AM KOMEKKO, FOREMOST DEVIL QUEEN OF BELZERG, AND SHE WHO WILL RULE THIS LAND! NOW KNEEL, AND TELL ME WHERE I AM, OR I SHALL FLAY YOUR FLESH FROM YOUR BONES AND SUCK DOWN YOUR SOULS!"
Immediately, whatever thoughts of resistance had been in the heads of the monsters vanished, and they fell down prostrate, babbling fealty and begging for forgiveness of their new mistress. The humans looked on with dull, lifeless eyes, apparently accepting of this new overlord.
"I can tell you where we are," Sasaki said, coming over to stand beside Komekko, who now overtopped her by a head.
"Oh?" Komekko asked, her red eyes blazing. "And where is that?"
"We're in Ixphoria. The land of my birth. The place where my parents sacrificed me," Sasaki said, looking around and feeling sick, her eyes lingering on a young boy chained up in a butcher's yard, weeping over the already headless corpse of his father. She swallowed. "And…and all of a sudden…maybe…maybe they were right to do so…"
To Kazuma's surprise, it was Aqua who dragged him through the crowd towards the Crimson Demon stage. He had enough time to pass a shocked Iris, who stretched out a hand towards him, her lips moving slightly. Then she gave him a wry grin and a shake of the head as the crowd swallowed her and Kazuma went up in front of the stage, where Aqua was crying and reaching up to Megumin, who also had tears in her eyes.
"I knew you weren't dead," Megumin was saying, scrubbing at her face as she hopped down, Yunyun fluttering about above her. She gave Aqua a long hug, and Kazuma thought he heard ribs creak. You wouldn't know it from looking at her waifish frame, but Megumin's strength stat was higher than most melee classes thanks to her rather long spree of level grinding via war crime.
Then Aqua let go of Megumin, looking like she was about to throw up. Megumin, however, only had eyes for Kazuma, and he stepped forward hesitantly, putting a hand to Megumin's face. She certainly looked older; no longer a teenager, but a grown woman. Sure, her boobs didn't appear to have gotten any bigger, but she'd lost a lot of the baby fat and wasn't cute so much as pretty now. Her red eyes still burned with passion, and perhaps just a hint of madness.
"Hey," Kazuma managed, his throat starting to swell up. "I…sorry I took so long."
"I knew you weren't dead," Megumin said, tears still leaking from the corners of her eyes, a stubborn set to her jaw. Then she closed her eyes, standing up on her tiptoes, and Kazuma leaned down, his own lips parting as-"
"WHAT THE HELL, DAD!"
Kazuma spun away from Megumin, who's eyes snapped open in a fury. He found Haruhi, still glowing slightly, but without those wings thank goodness, standing behind him, hands planted on her hips.
"Oh, so NOW you actually think I'm your dad?!" Kazuma snapped. "This is none of your business, Princess, so buzz off!"
"Oh, I DO think this is my business!" Haruhi snapped, stepping forward. "Why are you kissing a girl that isn't mom!? This had better not be that old flame you joke about sometimes!"
"Kazuma," Megumin said, gripping Kazuma's arm hard enough he was sure he was going to have a bruise. "Who is this?"
It wasn't really said in the tone of a question, and Kazuma knew that there also wasn't really a good answer to it. "No one! She's just some jerk we met back on Earth."
"No one!? Is that anyway to talk to your daughter AND your SOS Brigade Club president?!" Haruhi demanded hotly. She looked over at Kazuma's shoulder, where Aqua was wilting and trying to hide behind Yunyun, which wasn't working as the very confused Chief of the Crimson Demons kept trying to turn around to figure out what Aqua was doing. "Mom! Are you just going to stand there and let dad do this!?"
"MOM!?" Megumin half shrieked, rounding on Aqua. "MOM!? From that big boobed crusader I expected this sort of romantic betrayal, but YOU!? You never even LOOKED at Kazuma twice!"
"Uh, well, you see, er," Aqua stammered, tapping her index fingers together. "I just sorta…"
"Hey, hold on, before you start jumping to-" Kazuma began, which was when Megumin turned around and slapped him.
"I WAITED TEN YEARS FOR YOU, YOU STUPID NEET!"
"WHAT, DO YOU THINK I JUMPED AQUA'S BONES THE FIRST TIME I WAS OUT OF YOUR SIGHT!?" Kazuma shouted back, trying to slap Megumin back. He did, after all, believe in gender equality.
"You heard it here first folks!" Cecily said excitedly, waving to the crowd atop an improvised stack of boxes. "Our Lady Haruhi is none other than the daughter of Lady Aqua, who retired from heaven by taking a mortal lover, none other than Kazuma Sato, the Hero of Belzerg!"
"CECILY!" Kazuma screamed. "NOT HELPING! SHUT UP!"
Cecily, of course, steadfastly ignored Kazuma. "Act now and you can join the wonderful and amazing SOS Brigade, the brand new cult that worships Lady Haruhi as the best goddess in Belzerg, and get a limited edition glow stick with the SOS Brigade brand logo!"
"How dare you come back after this!? TRAITOR!" Megumin snarled, and jumped at Aqua, who wailed and dodged behind Yunyun, who shrieked in panic.
"M-MEGUMIN! MEGUMIN, WHY ARE YOU FIGHTING!? THEY'RE OUR FRIENDS!"
"IF THAT PERVERT WAS GOING TO CHEAT ON ME HE SHOULD HAVE STAYED DEAD, AND THIS HOMEWRECKER NEVER SHOULD HAVE SHOWN HER FACE!" Megumin roared, and attempted to shove aside Yunyun and tackle Aqua.
"I-I saw him first! H-he kidnapped me before he met you!" Aqua squeaked.
"YO, THAT'S MY MOM, BACK OFF!" Haruhi shouted, and dashed forward, trying to deck Aqua.
"Hey, back off, that's my girlfriend!" Kazuma said, collaring Haruhi.
In payment, she swung around and blacked Kazuma's eye for him, which made him lose all patience.
"THAT'S IT! I'M AN ADVOCATE FOR TRUE GENDER EQUALITY AND YOU'RE GETTING LICKINGS FOR THAT, YOUNG LADY!"
That was when someone picked Kazuma up by the collar and shook him, while doing exactly the same thing to Haruhi. When his vision cleared, he saw both Megumin and Aqua being dragged away kicking and screaming by Iris, who hauled them backstage and out of the increasingly excited crowd's vision.
"Oh hey, Claire," Kazuma said, recognizing the grim-faced woman who was carting him and Haruhi off. "Long time no see. How's my sis?"
"Her Majesty is well, and no sister of yours, Sir Sato," Claire, Iris's former tutor and bodyguard growled. She had on her typical white suit, and Kazuma spotted a new ring on her finger.
"Oh, uh, congrats. Who's the unlucky guy?" Kazuma asked.
Which was when Rain, Iris's former tutor hurried over, looking flustered. "Honey, everyone's very upset! Lady Eris is trying to calm them, but people still don't like to see two goddesses behaving in such a manner!"
"Rain, I love you dearly, but now isn't the time. Just make a proclamation that this is a private affair of her Majesty," Claire ground out. She glared daggers at Kazuma. "And you. Keep your mouth shut."
"Wow dad, way to stick your foot in it," Haruhi sniggered as they were dragged behind the stage.
"How was I supposed to know that!? I thought Rain was straight!" Kazuma protested. "Look, sorry Claire, I mean, I still hate your guts but I wasn't mocking you for-"
"For your information, I'm wealthy, we thought the world was ending, and it turns out Rain is flexible if I let her throw enough parties," Claire ground out. "Her Majesty approved our match herself."
"Well that just makes you a useless lesbian instead of a regular useless Suit," Kazuma said with an indifferent shrug.
Claire growled, and hurled Kazuma across the backstage area, where he slammed into a rack of costumes (all black robes and eye patches) and landed with a resounding crash.
"Boss, what were you THINKING?" Iris sighed, dropping Megumin with a thud onto the floor. "Picking a fight with our new patron deity AND two national heroes returned from the dead?"
Without further ado, Iris strode over and disentangled Kazuma from the costume rack, picking him up and setting him back on his feet before wrapping Kazuma in a hug. "It's good to see you again, Big Brother. I've missed you a lot…"
Gingerly, Kazuma hugged Iris back, not quite certain what to do. "I uh, I missed you too, little sis. You're, ah, not so little now any more…you grew up when I wasn't looking." He felt tears come into his eyes, and he imagined the last time he'd seen Iris: When they'd been together right after coming back from Elroad. She'd been only 12, and had been a lot shorter. She'd asked him to always be there for her and…
"Sorry I left. I didn't mean to," Kazuma said, his voice raspy. He found himself stepped back, grinning up at Iris, who now overtopped him.
"I guess I'm the big sister now," Iris said, dabbing at her own eyes.
Kazuma's expression suddenly fell, and he squeezed Iris's shoulders. "Sorry about your dad and brother…"
Iris's brow furrowed, and she glanced at Megumin, who was having a hard time deciding who to glare at.
"You know, with you being queen…I don't know how it happened, but I know you'll do a great job," Kazuma said, giving Iris another squeeze.
"Oh! My brother is quite well, he's back in the Capitol acting as my Viceroy," Iris laughed. "And father is enjoying his retirement, hunting Leviathans on the Brass Sea."
"What?! Then why are you queen?! You were the youngest, you got saddled with all the dumb admin BS!" Kazuma protested.
Iris looked smug, and she flexed one arm, showing off her impressive bicep. "You missed the part wher 1'd the Devil King's daughter and kicked her ass, and all that ceremonial nonsense prepared me best for the crown."
"You beat the Devil King's daughter!? She was supposed to be even stronger than he was. Nice one!" Kazuma said, giving Iris a big thumbs up.
"Ok, like, this is super cool and all, but what the heck is supposed to happen now?" Haruhi demanded, planting her hands on her hips. "I expect that my mom and dad will get married and get busy with, you know…"
"Wait, you defiled Aqua without MARRYING her, Kazutrash!?" Megumin demanded.
"Typical," Claire snorted. "This is why you should have nothing to do with the scoundrel, your Majesty."
"Well, um, you see, Kazma and I," Aqua began, sweating nervously.
"Are both still virgins, thank you," Kazuma said, wincing slightly. "Haruhi isn't our daughter."
"The hell I am not!" Haruhi snapped. "Do a paternity test, I dare you!"
"KAZUMA! EXPLAIN!" Megumin demanded, her nostrils flaring dangerously.
"Alright, look I…" Kazuma rubbed his hands through his hair. He sighed, then gave Iris a pleading look. "Can… can the two of us get some alone time? Yunyun, can you like…teleport us to the Crimson Demon Village, then check on us in a couple of hours? If I'm dead, Aqua can bring me back."
"No I can't!" Aqua said, sounding panicked. "I'm not the goddess of Belzerg anymore!"
"Relax mom, I'll bring dad back if he dies. Uh, you'll just have to show me how," Haruhi admitted, looking a bit awkward. "It's like, Phoenix Down or something, right?"
"Actually, I need to borrow these two for a bit anyway!" Eris said breezily, waltzing into the little meeting. Apparently, Rain keeping everyone away didn't include her patron goddess.
"Really? What for?" Haruhi asked, curious.
"Kazuma, I will demand answers of you," Megumin said, coming over and grabbing his shirt in both hands. "We had a deal. One I have stuck to."
"Yeah, yeah, me too. Mostly," Kazuma sighed. Megumin suddenly twisted one of his nipples, and he let out a yelp. "OW! I did! Knock it off, let's talk."
"M-Megumin?" Yunyun asked, coming over and looking nervously back and forth between the two of them.
"Hmph. Do it. The Village is as safe as anywhere," Megumin ordered.
"Kazuma…Megumin, I…" Aqua swallowed, taking half a step forward, one hand outstretched.
"We'll all talk later. But…we need a moment first, Aqua, OK?" Kazuma said, gently removing Megumin's hands and going over to Aqua. He put his arms around her. "No matter what, you're still my best friend. Took me a long time to realize it…but you are."
"Y-you too. Y-ou're my b-bestest bud. E-even more than Eris," Aqua sniffled, a bit of snot leaking onto Kazuma's shirt.
"I know," Kazuma said. Then he broke the embrace, and nodded to Yunyun, taking Megumin's hand. "Do it."
There was a brilliant flash, and Kazuma looked up at the night sky, the soft glow of the Crimson Demon Village not far away.
"Back where it all began, huh?" he said. Then he shook his head.
"We need to talk," Megumin said, squeezing Kazuma's hand. "But first…"
She stepped forward, and Kazuma shared a kiss with his first love, one more time.
After a long moment, they broke their embrace, and Megumin grinned up at Kazuma. "What say we skip the talk? It's been a long time since you stole my panties…and I may have missed it."
Sighing, Kazuma shook his head. "No. We actually do need to talk, Megumin. About us, and about, well…what's been happening in your life?"
Tears filled Megumin's eyes, and she lowered her head. "So. I've actually lost you, haven't I?"
"No! Megumin, look, it's…" Kazuma ran a hand through his hair. "Megumin, for me, it's been like a month. A crazy month! But only a month since I last saw you. You're…well, it's been ten years, hasn't it?"
Megumin looked up, shocked, her eyes still wet. She hastily brushed aside her tears. "Truly? Then to you, it has been no time at all?"
"Well, not no time. I actually did find out I have a daughter," Kazuma said, and instantly kicked himself as anger sparked in Megumin's eyes. "Not me, me! Another me! Look, it's complicated. But…I want to hear about you. What's been happening?"
Hesitantly, Megumin stretched her hand out, and Kazuma took it. They started to walk together in the darkness, the soft sounds of the woods at night filling the air, from a few night birds, to some early insects chirping softly.
"After you died…I redoubled my efforts to master Explosion Magic," Megumin explained. "For a time, Darkness traveled with me, but she had duties to attend to, and both of us were sorrowful at your loss. Iris and I worked together for a few years, along with Chris and Yunyun. Eventually Iris became Queen, but I was her Royal Archmage and Boss of the Crimson Thief Brigade. We slew many foes, and I have reached a level where my Explosion is so powerful nations tremble at the mere thought of it! And…and…and I…"
Megumin suddenly stumbled, and Kazuma had to catch her as she dissolved into tears. "What? What happened?!"
"Kazuma, I…I was away from home so often…I thought…I sent back money! Komekko had all the food she needed, I thought she…I thought…when I heard she was summoning demons…I thought it was just a phase! B-but then, then she started raising an army, a-and I refused to believe…I was in Elroad, f-fighting dragons and brokering Iris's betrothal, a-and when I heard…I came back, w-with Darkness, the devastation…so many dead…our own people! Kazuma, she imprisoned our own father, Yunyun's father died!"
A look of horror passed over Kazuma's face, and Megumin looked away, ashamed. "I-I returned and dueled her, b-but I could't make myself…I held back! J-just a small Explosion…b-but then…she killed Darkness…"
"I know, I talked to them about it. Darkness is fine though, and Komekko seemed really sorry," Kazuma said quietly.
Megumin froze, then looked up at Kazuma, hope blooming in her eyes. "Darkness, she's alive? M-my sister?"
"They were both back on Earth. Darkness was a PE teacher, Komekko, I dunno but I saw her. She was fine, Megumin. I mean, she probably died, but she ended up on Earth," Kazuma assured her.
For a moment, Megumin just stared at him, dumbstruck, then she started laughing and threw her arms around Kazuma's neck, nearly choking him. "Ha! I knew it! I knew my sister was too amazing to let a mere spell stop her! Ah, she was such a brilliant Devil Queen! Our duel, it was legendary! Oh, mother will be so happy to hear this!"
"What about your dad?" Kazuma managed, having to gasp for breath.
Megumin loosened her hold and snorted. "He's still a dog. My mother says at least this way he doesn't waste any money on his useless magical items. I'll figure out how to break the curse eventually."
"Er, that's good?" Kazuma managed, and they walked along in the dark for a little while again.
"So. You and Aqua," Megumin finally managed, stopping and looking Kazuma dead in the eyes.
"Yeah." Kazuma turned away, putting his hands in his pockets. "Megumin, when I said I loved you…I wasn't lying. I did love you. You're cute, and powerful, and amazing, and…and you love me. Our time together…you were my chuuni little insane mage, and, well, I guess I'm sort of a perverted screw up."
"That doesn't matter. You embraced me for who I am," Megumin said stubbornly, stepping forward to wrap her arms around Kazuma.
"Yeah. But…you know…Aqua's been my best friend for a while now," Kazuma said, closing his eyes.
"But you never saw her as a woman. She was like a sister," Megumin said stubbornly.
"Because I was scared, Megumin."
Megumin stiffened, and Kazuma sighed. "You know why I never really made a move on any of you girls? Oh, I joked about it, but I never seriously tried. Why I always backed off at the last moment, with both you and Darkness. You know she tried to get me to screw her a couple of times."
"Yes. The harpy," Megumin muttered. "But she's both dead and married now. Happily, I might add."
"Yeah we buried that. But, I was scared. Scared that if we got too close, you'd hate me. And then run away," Kazuma admitted. "And Aqua…dammit Megumin, have you SEEN her?! She's perfect!"
"A perfect moron!" Megumin spat. "She's an idiot who never showed the slightest interest in you or any other person!"
"Because she was a goddess. Oh don't look at me like that, you had to have figured out she was a real goddess," Kazuma said, shaking his head.
Megumin pouted, but nodded. "In Alcanretia. No one else could have turned all the hot water to holy water, or defeated Hans like that. And based on what Cecily had said, she was obviously the patron goddess of the Axis Cult. Plus there was how Wiz reacted to her…bah. It was clear."
"Darkness?" Kazuma asked, curious.
"Sometime after we defeated Regina. She's not as brilliant as the True Genius of the Crimson Demon Clan," Megumin said smugly, posing and chuckling darkly.
"Yeah, figures. But…Megumin…I can't imagine life without Aqua. I just…we've done a lot of stupid stuff together, you know? But she's always been there for me. Hell, I got myself killed trying to save her from the Devil King!" Kazuma said, throwing his hands up. "Yeah, she's a crybaby, and she's mostly useless, and she has about as much sense with money as Wiz, but…but she's fun! She listens to me! She makes me feel safe, and loved, and like I MATTER!"
Megumin looked at Kazuma, frowning. "And how do I make you feel?"
Kazuma hesitated. "Honestly? You make me feel…like I'm a man. Even though you're a higher level than me and stronger, like I can protect you. Carrying you when you're exhausted from your explosions…and you, well, you thought of me as a man. You wanted me. And…and that was really sexy…and you're a good friend too. I…I don't know. A part of me hopes…"
"If you say you're hoping for a threesome I have an Explosion with your name on it, Kazutrash," Megumin said darkly.
"Yeah, I figured," Kazuma sighed, burying that halfhearted dream. "But honestly…it's too soon for me to figure this out. That month with Aqua on Earth, it was like when I was with her for the first time in Belzerg. All we had was each other. And that was enough."
"Would I be enough for you?" Megumin asked, her tone somewhat wistful.
Kazuma considered it. "Would I be enough for you?"
Megumin hesitated. "I…I could not give up my Explosion magic. Even for you, Kazuma."
"What about the Crimson Demon Village? What if we had to go back to Earth?" Kazuma asked.
Again, Megumin was silent. "I…I would not wish to abandon Yunyun. She has…Kazuma, she just lost her father." She stepped forward, taking Kazuma's hand. "Please. Stay here. With me. We'll build a family together. Travel the world, gaining fame as the Foremost Mistress of Explosions, she who slew a Devil Queen and King, and her husband!"
"That…that doesn't sound so bad," Kazuma admitted. "But…what about Aqua?"
"She's a good friend," Megumin admitted. "I…I do like her. But, I will not share you. Would you share me?"
"Hell frinkin' yes," Kazuma said without hesitation. "You, me, and Aqua shaking up together?"
Megumin looked murderous, and Kazuma hastily added, "You could invite Yunyun too!"
"I…" Megumin shook her head. "No. Yunyun has…well. She proposed to me, Kazuma."
"She WHAT!?" Kazuma gasped.
Blushing, Megumin turned away. "She is Chief now…and she needs a consort and heir. She is hopeless with men, and well…we have grown close. If she were any other woman…I would not consider it. I was…well. It has been ten years. Despite my position and power, I have few friends. And no prospects for lovers. They cannot stand to be in my shadow."
"That's uh…" Kazuma felt a drop of something on his lips and licked away the blood hastily. "Look. This is about us. Honestly, Megumin…I'd be cool with being your house husband. But…would you be cool with just staying home with me?"
"I'd be happy to come back to you, but I cannot simply rest on my laurels. I would want a family with you, and to you, I would be a loving wife. But I cannot simply waste my life away! Kazuma, I am a mere 23! I have so many years ahead of me!" Megumin's eyes burned with passion, and a yearning took hold of her voice and face. "There is so much more to learn of Explosion magic! I defeated a Devil Queen, one on one! Chris tells me of other lands, lands that have fallen to the shadow! The Light of my Explosion could free them! You could be there with me, Kazuma! Life could be a grand adventure, one challenge after another! Just as it was when we were together! Then, one day, I shall surpass my mentor, and become a goddess of Destruction myself!"
Kazuma felt sick. "Megumin…that's not what I want! I want a quiet life! Life as a househusband? Great! But I want you there, with me! Not off fighting forever! We beat the Devil King! You defeated Komekko! Belzerg is safe! I dunno, I'll take up cabbage farming if I want to fight something! But adventuring? Megumin I did that because I had to! I hate it! I hate being in danger, of having to worry. I want an easy life. That's always been my goal! Set myself up in a fancy house, eat rich foods, and do perverted things with you! Nothing more! Hell, I'd even be happy in that shack you call a childhood home if it was the two of us!"
"What?! How could you be content with this tiny town!" Megumin demanded, gesturing to the sleeping village. "My people are FOOLS! They have the power to shatter continents, and they just…they become BAKERS! Kazuma, we could be so much MORE! Only my sister understood that! Yunyun gets it! The Crimson Demons should be the GUARDIANS of this world! We should patrol the land, fighting evil, and showing off our mystic might! Not sewing and reciting poetry! Yes, a pose is cool, and poetry is a sign of one's brilliance, but what is the point if you do not SHOW THE WORLD! We practiced the Sacred Songs for hours in school, but tonight was the FIRST TIME we showed off our musical might! We should be doing such feats DAILY!"
Kazuma shook his head. "Megumin, that sounds exhausting. Sure, fighting the occasional evil that threatens home, I guess that's fine. But I'm not going to seek out adventure. I had one! It was miserable as hell! Now I want the easy life. I've died too many times to ever want to set one more foot away from home than I have to. If I settled down in the Crimson Demon Village, hell yes I'd be a baker! I'd run a restaurant with cute waitresses and have an adorable daughter to dote on and a son to pass on the family business one day. But I'd only leave town to go visit my friends or maybe party in El Road for the weekend."
"How can you say that? Don't you want to live life to the fullest? I thought you grew out of being a NEET!" Megumin shouted, tears running down her face. "Don't you LOVE me!?"
"I do," Kazuma said, stepping forward and kissing Megumin's forehead. "And if I had to…yeah, I'd live a life of adventure with you. But…don't you want to take it easy?"
"Only once in a while. But those who rest grow fat and lazy. I am the Foremost Genius of the Crimson Demon Clan, and Mistress of Explosion Magic. I would bear your children, Kazuma. But our life would be on the road. I do not wish to die in the same hovel I was born in."
Kazuma looked down at Megumin's face. "And Yunyun?"
Megumin looked away. "She would force me to greater heights every day. My rival, and my lover if I would have her. That is what I want with you. For us to sharpen one another."
"I see." Kazuma hugged Megumin tightly, closing his eyes as tears flowed down his face. "I love you."
"I love you too," Megumin whispered.
They kissed, one final time.
Author's Note:
This isn't an assassination of the Kazumin Romance. They're cute together. It could 100% work. But! And this is a BIG BUT…the problem they will face is the one I outlined here. Kazuma is, to be blunt, an object looking to follow Newton's First Law of Motion to stay at rest, while Megumin is an object looking to get into motion and STAY in motion. That's both the chemistry between them and the biggest hurdle to them staying together.
Sometimes, your first love is just a crush and a fling. Most people don't end up with their highschool sweetheart, or even the person they date in college. Some do! And Kazumin being canon is a good ship. I was always going to have to deal with Megumin and her claim on Kazuma's heart.
And in this story…they just don't work out.