Sekhmet: My brain hurts. It hurts from the burnout.
Susano-o: It's not burnout unless it comes from the Burning region of Italy, otherwise it's just sparkling tiredness.
Sekhmet: I was born to be a bimbo but forced to work, that's why I have burnout.
Susano-o: Moving on, I have to find a list of all the anime only decks and see which season had the most, Some of these decks had so many weird gimmicks that only work because all filler characters seem to have Destiny Draw, Yami wasn't magical he was just filler!
Sekhmet: That's why we saved all these filler duels for later, so we have CONTENT!
Susano-o: Also real decks have more cards so we can do things with them since we use 8000LP like good little duelists.
Sekhmet: So let's dust off the cobwebs and get back into this.
Duel 77: I Damon
"Well that was a thing," Rose sighed leaning back in her chair. "I took down a god and I don't even feel like celebrating."
"I know," Yubel agreed, sitting on the table. "So depressing."
"You two are lucky that it wasn't Marik," Alexis argued, crossing her arms. "If it was you'd both have been in a lot of danger."
"Oh lighten up dear," Rose smiled, making a kissy face. Yubel sneered at the display and Rose pinched her butt in return. "No lovely, we talked about this," Rose said glaring. Yubel looked down, chastised, but nodded. "Now apologize."
"Sorry," Yubel mumbled to Alexis.
Rose smiled and kissed their cheek. "See, was that so hard?" She asked. Yubel shook their head. "I already told you I have enough love for both of you."
Alexis sighed. "This," She said, waving a hand between the three of them. "Still has to be the weirdest thing that has happened to me the entire time I've been at this school."
"Even weirder than the vampire, Bastion becoming a furry, and Ojama Country?" Rose chuckled.
"...Ok you have me there," Alexis sighed. "Come on you two, let's go get lunch."
"Aww yeah sandwich day!" Rose cheered, grabbing Yubel and Alexis's hands as she ran to the cafeteria. Inside, a crowd had gathered in front of a large bin on rollers, each taking turns picking out packaged sandwiches. When they got to the front, Yuko was leering over the bin, her face twisted in concentration and her fingers wiggling, as if she was trying to will a sandwich into her hand.
"Yuko pick one already!" Rose yelled.
"Do NOT interrupt me right now! Pulling the golden sandwich takes immense concentration!" Yuko yelled back. After a few more seconds, she plunged her arm shoulder deep into the bin, rustled around, and lifted a package indistinguishable from the others. "This is it." Yuko peeled back the film and took a triumphant bite, only to sag in defeat. "This was not it. This was peanut butter and pickle. Not even sweet pickle, they're dill pickles."
"Owch," Rose said, grabbing her package. "Well I just beat god so my day can only go up!" She cheered, ripping the package open and sinking her teeth into it. "...This sandwich tastes like wet G.I. Joe."
Alexis looked at Rose's sandwich. "That's because it's plastic." Rose sighed and spit her bite into the trash.
"Let me try," Yubel said, grabbing one themselves and taking a bite. "Hmmm, tasty," They said smiling.
"Wait what?" Rose asked, looking at the sandwich. "Yubel, that sandwich is headcheese," She complained before realizing who she was talking to and let it go with a groan.
"Third times the charm?" Alexis questioned grabbing one from the bottom and opening it up, only to immediately throw it away when the overwhelming smell of Reaper Chillies filled the area. "No."
"Did ANYONE get anything good?" Yuko asked the crowd. An indistinguishable but decidedly negative grumble rose from it.
"No one's gotten anything good since first year," Someone explained. "It's all been terrible."
"What, how did we not notice?" Rose asked.
"To be fair, these last few years have been pretty crazy," Alexis answered. "I didn't participate in sandwich day at all during second year."
"Well, didn't we deal with the egg-wich thief during the first year," Rose questioned. "It was Titan right, the guy who died in the abandoned dorms?"
"Apparently we didn't! He's still here, stealing the good sandwiches!" Yuko said.
"Round up the gang we're going on stakeout!" Rose shouted. "Titan dies tonight...A-Again!"
….
In the end Rose and Yuko were able to find a few people, and the stakeout consisted of Syrus, Bastion, Chazz, Alexis, and Jim staying in the cafeteria to find the thief. -But after a few hours boredom set in and they decided to draw sandwiches to pass the time, with mixed results.
"This is the one," Jim said, grabbing a sandwich. "This one won't be absolute trash, the eye has guided me to victory," with a determined stare he bit into the unassuming sandwich, a few chews later he let out a sigh of defeat. "Newspaper," He mumbled. "At least it's…tasteless," Jim threw the sandwich in the trash and let out a groan that soon became a scream. "How do they even have time to make all these!" He yelled.
"Hey at least your sandwich didn't taste like a fried boot," Syrus huffed.
"My sandwich was a fried boot!" Chazz argued.
"Oh, speaking of which," Rose interrupted. "Chazz it's your turn again," She reminded.
"No!" Chazz shouted. "I don't want to do this anymore!"
"Chazz,, this was YOUR idea!" Alexis said, mouth still watering from how unbelievably salty her horseshoe crab sandwich had been.
"We had nothing else to do," Chazz said. "The only thing we all do is play Duel Monsters."
Everyone stopped for a second and pondered the fact they had very few interest outside of dueling, before the existential dread could set in, Yubel threw a sandwich at Chazz. "Shut up and eat," They growled.
Chazz snorted in anger as he tore the package apart like a starving hyena and chowed down on it in three bites. "There I-!" He started only to stop mid yell. Everyone watched as his face cycled through red, pale, and green for a minute before he took off running to the bathroom, where everyone was then treated to the sound of Chazz trying to turn his stomach inside out. Bastion picked up the discarded wrapper and cringed at the name inside.
"Surströmming," He said. Everyone gagged as another gut wrenching cry came out of the bathroom.
"Horakhty! Why have you forsaken me!" Chazz screamed. Everyone listened in silence for a few seconds before Rose picked up another sandwich and handed it to Alexis.
"You're up lovely."
….
"I think we should call it a night mates," Jim groaned, stretching in his seat. "If they're not here by now I doubt they'll be here tonight."
"-But Jim, think of the poor students who will never get to experience the joy of the golden eggwich!" Rose protested.
"You've never gotten it either," Syrus interrupted.
"Like I said, poor students who have never experienced it," Rose responded.
"Oh children!" Ms. Dorothy said bumping open the door. "I have snacks!"
"Sandwiches?" Chazz asked turning green.
"No, Jelly filled onigiri and onigiri stuffed pastries!"
"Huh?" Syrus asked looking at the plate. "Those just look like normal onigiri and doughnuts."
"Did I just have a stroke, or did you say onigiri stuffed pastries?" Yuko asked.
"Oh they're more than that!" Dorothy said excitedly. "An no you heard me right dear, I put jelly filling in the onigiri and onigiri filling in the pastries, we have lemon, strawberry, chocolate, apricot, dried fish cracker, and salmon!"
".,,,Today has not been good for the culinary world," Rose sighed, grabbing an onigiri.
"Quite true, I feel as if Gordon Ramsey is going to come bursting through the door any second," Bastion added. As if on cue, there was a sudden creaking coming from the other room that sounded suspiciously like a garage door opening.
"Oh Ra it's him!" Rose yelled. "He's here to punish us for our culinary sins!"
"Me first!" Yubel yelled excitedly. "I like pineapple on pizza and hate bacon!"
"Well, there's nothing inherently wrong with that…" Yuko said.
"Yes there is, and if you like pineapple on pizza, I'll lose so much respect for you." Jim said.
"Focus you idiots!" Chazz yelled. "We've got a thief to catch!"
Chazz ripped open the door just in time to see a figure rifling through the sandwich bin.
"Hey wait a minute," Alexis said. "Who put the bin back out there, we had it in here all night to draw sandwiches?" Syrus looked around, glad no one else had heard her question.
"That's right Syrus, just act cool, no one will ever know it was you," He thought to himself as he joined the charge at the thief.
At the sudden ambush of people, the shadowy figure pushed off, rode the cart to the exit, and used the inertia to take off running.
"Get that motherfucker!" Yuko shouted, and the group spilled out the door and into the backwoods. The shadowy illumination of the clouded moon did no favors as the figure dashed down a rough, barely formed path laden with rocks and eventually ending up at a waterfall.
As the figure tried to scale the waterfall, the group found itself at a loss for the next course of action, at least until Miss Dorothy forced her way to the front. "Damon, what do you think you're doing? Get back down here, we've been looking for you for three years!"
Damon jumped at the scolding tone, causing him to lose his grip and fall back down the waterfall, landing with surprising grace on a flat rock at the bottom.
"Wait, Miss Dorothy, you know this guy?" Alexis asked.
"Of course I know him, Damon used to be a regular at the card shop!" Miss Dorothy explained. "He used to come in every other day to buy packs of cards before he went missing last year."
"It true. Me used to have terrible luck." Damon explained. "Me never draw card me need. Sometimes me draw cards not in me deck, like me last duel. Me not even put Fake Trap in me deck, but it was still there. So me go train, get better. Now me draw any card me need, any time me need it. Me been practicing on sandwich bin ever since."
"First off, that's a stupid way to 's gotta be a better way to get better at dueling. In fact, I KNOW there are several better ways. Second of all, you can't keep doing this. At best it's unfair to the other students, at worst this is stealing and consumption of public property. Third, and possibly the most important, you can't practice drawing cards. That's not how any of that works, you can't train fate." Yuko said. "I mean, divination is a thing, but that's more predicting. You can't force a card to the top of your deck to be drawn."
"Me can prove otherwise. Me prove it in a duel!" Damon insisted.
"If it'll get you out of the damn bin, sure." Yuko said.
"Duel!" (LP: 8000)
"If you're so confident in your skills, then you should have no problem with me going first!" Yuko said, drawing. "I'll set two cards, then summon "Tellus the Little Angel" in attack mode! (500/500) I'll end my turn there."
"Me draw." Damon said. "Me set card, then me summon "Drawler". (?/?) Since Drawler was normal summoned, me can shuffle all me cards into deck, and Drawler gains 500 attack and defense for each one. (?-2000/?-2000) Me attack Tellus!"
Poor little Tellus barely had time to whimper as it was crushed into a puddle by Drawler. (Yuko LP: 8000-6500) A glow came from the bottom of Yuko's Deck. "When Drawler destroys monster by battle, it goes to bottom of deck instead of graveyard, so you can't use him for long time."
"Well that fucks up what I was gonna do then. Sorry Tellus." Yuko said, oddly carefree. "Anyway, I'll just set this monster and end my turn."
"You refreshingly honest. On your end phase, me activate "Miracle Draw". Now during my draw phases, me have to declare card name before me draw. After draw, me must reveal card me drew. If me is right, you take 1000 damage. If me not right, me take 1000 damage."
"Almost forty cards, the odds are not in Damon's favor," Bastion observed.
"That's why I play 4 of every copy of my cards," Chazz joked. "Consistency."
"You guys actually know your cards?" Rose asked. "I just always draw the card I need at the right time, sometimes I draw things not even in my deck."
"Right," Alexis sighed, rolling her eyes.
"To be fair," Yubel added. "I did create myself to her hand at one point, and one of Banner's cards she had could become any card, and also Neos was made from nowhere."
"Isn't that cheating?" Chazz accused.
"No more than running 4 copies of a card, now shut up and watch the duel," Rose snapped back.
"Me draw, and me card will be "Card Loan" Damon declared. He drew his card and smiled. "What me tell you? Me can draw any card whenever me need it!" He said, and revealed that it was in fact "Card Loan". (Yuko LP: 6500-5500) "And me activate it! Me lose 1000 Life points (Damon LP: 8000-7000), You gain 1000 Life points, (Yuko LP: 5500-6500) and me draw a card. On end phase, me return card to bottom of deck."
"Ah yes, going -1000 for a +1, a thinking man's combo." Yuko said.
"Me draw, and me like! Me activate "Drawber". Now you draw card, and me guess what it is." Damon said.
"Ok, knowing your own deck, that's one thing. But being able to predict another person's deck is a whole new level of bullshit." Yuko said, drawing her card. "What's your guess?"
"You draw "Nimble Momonga"." Damon declared.
"Well you're right." Yuko sighed, and all her cards flew back into her deck.
"And now Drawler attack you directly!" (Yuko LP: 5500-3500)
"That's enough of that. I draw, and activate "Card Advance"! You wanna really know how to predict your next cards? This is how you do it. I take the top 5 cards of my deck, and put them back in any order I like. I can also tribute summon a monster in addition to my normal summon this turn, but I don't exactly have the setup for that, so I'll just set up my deck, set this monster, and end my turn."
"Me draw, and me will get "Shield Crush". Damon declared, though he didn't look all too confident about that fact. He looked downright distraught when he actually looked at what he drew. "Me draw "Doron"!" (Damon LP: 7000-6000)
"Well I told you as much, you can't just will cards into your hands." Yuko said.
"It not matter. Me summon "Doron" (900/500) and attack your monster!" Damon said.
"And that's where you get fucked. My facedown monster is "Cyber Jar"!" A laughing mechanical jar opened its sharp toothed maw to the void and sucked in everything on the field before blowing itself up.
"Oh boo!" Rose yelled, giving Yuko a thumbs down. "No skill scrub!"
"That's really cringe," Alexis agreed, making a disgusted face.
"Indeed, even I have to agree that using 'Cyber Jar' is quite cringe," Bastion added.
"Dear I have to agree with them," Syrus said nervously. "That's like….really cringe."
"I've lost so much respect for you tonight," Jim said, shaking his head in disappointment. "First the pizza now this."
"Jim, you think this is bad," Rose said with an evil smirk. "When she plays TF2 she's a reserve shooter pyro."
The crowd erupted into shouts calling Yuko every name they could think of, and a few known only to crocodiles courtesy of Jim.
"Wait that got nerfed in Jungle Inferno," Chazz pointed out. "What does she use now?"
"Phlog and the scorch shot," Rose answered, and the crowd exploded into even more anger.
"Don't care, not taking it out of the Side Deck or apologizing for playing a phlog pyro. Now that Cyber Jar's destroyed everything on the field, we each draw and reveal five cards from the top of our decks. In addition, we can summon any level 4 or below monsters that show up in this hand of ours, and add the rest to our hands. And lookie what I have here!" Yuko explained, holding up her new hand of two "Nimble Momomgas" (1000/100), a "Nimble Beaver" (400/200), Wicked Dreadroot, and Seven Tools of the Bandit.
"My draw will be just as good! Me got-" Damon started, but paused after seeing what he got. "-Me got "Gogiga Gagagigo", "Metal Armored Bug", "Ultimate Obedient Fiend", "Perfect Machine King", and "Fake Trap". How?! Fake Trap not even in me deck!"
"And yet it was still there." Yuko said. "If that's your entire turn, I'd like to draw, set a card and summon "The Wicked Dreadroot" now. (4000/4000) "And since he halves the attack and defense of all monsters of the field, this should hurt even more. (900-450/500-250) Attack with Fears Knockdown!" (Damon LP: 6000-2450)
"Me draw, and me card will be "Dark Hole"!" Damon declared. But by the hopeless look across his face, he didn't get it, and the thought was confirmed when he revealed "Tri-Horned Dragon". (Damon LP: 2450-1550)
"Well, I'd like to say that this was fun, but let's not kid ourselves. Dreadroot, finish this please." Yuko said. (Damon LP: 1550-0. Winner: Yuko)
"And that's the game," Rose said clapping her hands. "Good job you two!"
Damon fell to his knees crying. "I don't understand, I trained out here for a whole year!"
"Oh thank Ra he's done with the wild man speak," Chazz groaned.
"Oh um, me no get….oh forget it," Damon sighed. Ms. Dorothy came over and kneeled in front of him.
"Come on Damon, Dorothy said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Lets go back to the academy."
Damon nodded. "Yeah I could really use a shower," He joked. "And a haircut,"
"Nah man keep the hair," Rose said with a thumbs up. "Looks awesome."
"Well ok," Damon smiled. Dorothy got him to his feet.
"You need a shirt at least," Dorothy said.
"Well actually, I got pretty jacked out here, so I was thinking…"
"Damon," Dorothy said, giving him a look.
"Ok," Damon sighed dejectedly.
"Talk to Hassleberry about getting your sleeves tailored," Jim said.
"Yeah, can't contain those pythons!" Syrus whooped and the rest agreed.
"Oh, before I forget, you owe me a medal." Yuko said. Damon handed over said medal.
….. (The next day)
"Alright," Rose said, hovering over the bin. "Are you ready Damon?"
"Ready!" Damon hollered.
The two dove into the bin like starving wildebeests and came out with two sandwiches.
"Here we go!" Rose yelled, ripping her's open and chowing down. "...Sea pig…" She sighed.
"My turn then," Damon smirked opening the bag and taking a bite, before looking at the bun in confusion. Pulling away he had a card stuck between his teeth. "What the-?" He said, grabbing the card and turning it over. "Fake Trap!? NO!"