JENNIE

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Being back at work and finishing up a report on the volleyball game fills me with a comforting sense of control. Lately, my world seems tipped on its axis and I'm grasping at everything—anything to keep me upright. It feels good to be back at my cubicle of safety.

But even though Stefan didn't give me any grief for missing those days of work, Lucas couldn't let it skate by without making a ridiculous comment about how it must have been nice to have a two-day vacation with my girlfriend. As if Lisa and I weren't sick.

Maybe if Lucas showed a little kindness to his fellow co-workers from time to time, Stefan would give him the afternoon off too.

A text makes my phone vibrate on the desk and I pick it up.

Lisa: So. This Halloween Party. Want to wear matching costumes?

I glance toward the cubicle wall that separates my office from hers and smile. She's not at work today, but I texted her earlier and she said she was feeling much better.

Jennie: What did you have in mind?

Jennie: If you say you want me to go as Princess Leia, I'm gonna do the celery thing with your mini chocolate candies again.

Lisa: You can't threaten me with celery. 'celery emoji'. Ok, so no Han Solo and Leia…what about that couple from your fantasy book?

Something that feels an awful lot like birds taking flight in my midsection makes my stomach quiver. Is she seriously suggesting we go as a…couple? To a work party?

Jennie: You mean Aris and Kat? Well…he's a long-haired fae who rides a motorcycle. 'elf emoji'. LOL You sure you're up for that?

Lisa: I may have trouble procuring a motorcycle on such short notice, especially since I don't have a license, BUT I could definitely make the long hair work. Just give me a list.

I bite my lip to keep a goofy smile from breaking out across my face. She's seriously willing to dress up like part of a fictional couple for me? I have the sudden urge to dance around in my seat like a giddy little kid but worry someone walking by might see me. Instead, I just smile like a fool and imagine Lisa dressing up like some leather jacket wearing fae man.

Jennie: OK. If you think you can pull it off… Here's what you'll need.

I proceed to text her a list half a mile long because I want her to know what she just signed up for. I laugh as I type out the last item and hit send.

Feelings I never thought I'd have the right to feel for Lisa start to burrow their way into my heart. With each text, each touch, each secret smile she saves just for me, I'm beginning to hope that she sees me as more than a friend.

But where will we be if she doesn't?

I shove that unwanted thought aside and go back to work. For now, at least, I'll allow myself to relish the flirtatious attention she's giving me and pray that we both don't crash and burn at the end.

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Walking through the mall doesn't give me the warm fuzzy type of feelings it seems to give Jisoo as she flutters at my side, moving from rack to rack oohing and ahhing like each article of clothing she sees is somehow unique and exquisite. Even Rosé appears completely in her element as she walks beside us, taking everything in with a satisfied smile.

It's not that I dislike shopping at the mall, but it's always stuffed full of people. At least when I go to the farmer's market, it's out in the open air where we can breathe easily without bumping into hordes of giggling tweens.

"You said plaid, right?" Jisoo asks, holding up a purple plaid shirt with sequins on the pockets and fringe around the hem.

I resist the urge to grimace. "Uh, could we go for something a little more…subdued?"

"You're not wearing black," she deadpans.

I tilt my chin and raise my eyebrows. "I wasn't suggesting that. I only meant something with less sequins and fringe." She shrugs and hangs the shirt back on the rack.

"How about this one?" Rosé says, holding up a gray and black plaid shirt with thin maroon stripes running through it.

"Now that I can work with." I take the shirt from her and hold it against my torso. "I think I'll need a medium," I say, switching out the one I'm holding for one that's the right size. "Okay. I think the only other thing I need is a tiny backpack. Kat wears one on the night she and Aris go hunting for clues about her attacker."

"Ooh, this story sounds like a good one." Rosé's eyebrows dance as we make our way to the teeny bopper accessories shop in the center of the mall.

"It really is. I can loan you the books if you want. Lisa just got me the most recent release." As soon as I say it, a smile forms on my lips. I can't even go a day without thinking about all the sweet things Lisa's done for me lately.

"Lisa got you a romance novel?" Rosé presses both hands to her chest. "That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard!" Her eyebrows crinkle over her big doe eyes, and I swear they almost seem to water.

"Yeah, yeah. We all know Lisa's amazing," Jisoo says with a sarcastic bite. "She's the cinnamoniest cinnamon roll girl I've ever met in real life. If only she had a twin." She crosses her arms under her chest, looking mildly annoyed.

"Well," I hedge, drawing the word out. "She does have brothers."

"Hm," Rosé hums as if she's actually thinking over the possibility while Jisoo keeps her posture rigid and her mouth closed.

"They seem like really nice guys too," I continue, unfazed. "And I can attest to the fact that they all come from a great family. Lisa's parents are the sweetest." Alex's face comes to mind as does the heart to heart we shared at her kitchen table.

"You know," Jisoo says, interrupting my thoughts. "It almost seems as if you're already considering you and Lisa as a couple."

Am I?

I feel a flush creep up my neck, but thankfully, I'm saved by Rosé. "That's not the vibe I'm getting," she counters in the sweetest voice she possesses. "To me it seems like you're just excited about the possibility of more with her. And you have every right to be because she's amazing."

I smile at my friend and squeeze her hand.

Jisoo stops, forcing us to do the same. "I didn't mean that like it was a bad thing. Jennie already knows I think she and Lisa would make a great couple. I'm just saying…make sure Lisa admits her feelings before you do. I don't want to see you get hurt." A haunted look fills her dark brown eyes before she shrugs it off with sarcasm. "I want to know she's as invested as you are before you go all Jack and Jill down the hill over her."

I let loose a nervous chuckle. "Seriously, Chu, you've got nothing to worry about. Lisa and I are friends. Friends who have just recently started flirting and toeing the line between what we are and…what we could be. I wouldn't exactly say I'm all in."

What I don't tell her is that Lisa's mom all but confessed Lisa has feelings for me that she hasn't yet come to acknowledge.

She raises one dark eyebrow; a typical Jisoo move. "That's what you say. But I've also had to listen to your Blackpink love song playlist on repeat the last few nights. I'd say you're teetering off the edge of the friend cliff, ready and willing to fall in a pit of ooey, gooey love."

I shake my head and look away, unable to bear her scrutiny any longer, and almost sag with relief when I see the accessories store on my right. "Oh, there it is." Not waiting to see if my friends follow, I head for the store and make quick work of picking out a cute little lavender leather backpack. It's not really my style, but maybe I can gift it to Rosé after Halloween. She's totally into girly, pastel accessories.

Once I've paid and the conversation from before appears to be long forgotten, the three of us head to the food court. "I'm dying for some orange chicken and rice," Jisoo says, holding a hand to her stomach. "I accidentally skipped lunch again."

"How do you accidentally skip lunch?" I ask her. "That's like saying I forgot to brush my hair. I could do it, but it would make the entire rest of my day miserable if I did. I may eat healthy most of the time, but my meals are planned and prepared way in advance because this girl gets hangry."

My friends share a laugh. "Girl, me too," Rosé says. "I once skipped breakfast when I was running late for a college class, and I got so hungry by ten a.m., I ended up begging the person seated next to me for half of his granola bar."

"That's not that embarrassing," I say.

"No, you don't understand." She points out a nearby table where we each take a seat. "The guy already had half of the granola bar eaten and I begged him for the rest of it. He looked at me like I had three heads."

"Okay, point taken." Jisoo laughs, flipping her long hair over her shoulder. "Neither of you babes can miss a meal. In that case, let's decide where we're going to eat."

All three of us pick Panda Moon when a very familiar masculine voice calls out my name. My stomach drops. I turn to see Tae approaching with a shopping bag in his hand.

"Hey, Tae," I call back with an awkward wave, hoping the bright smile on his face isn't solely meant for me.

"I seem to be bumping into you everywhere lately," he says, sidling up to the table with a wink aimed straight at me.

I give my friends a tentative smile and Jisoo glares at him, narrowing her eyes. "Is that so? I seem to remember you crashing our farmer's market date. It didn't seem so…coincidental…to me."

I shoot my friend a scolding look, but she merely raises that judgy eyebrow of hers and sits back with her arms folded in front of her.

Tae huffs a tight laugh while rubbing the back of his neck. "So, Jennie…you got a minute?" He tips his head back, motioning away from the table. "To talk?"

Swallowing hard against the quickly rising lump in my throat, I glance between my friends, looking for an answer on what to do. Dealing with weird ex-boyfriend situations ranks right up there with having to deal with Stefan. Both dreadful experiences overall, even with Tae's apology last time. Jisoo stares me down with an undecipherable look, while Rosé offers me an encouraging nod.

"Sure," I tell Tae, rising from my seat. "Just a minute though because we're about to grab lunch."

"Absolutely." He steps back, leading me away from the table. We start walking without any real destination, meandering around the center aisle displays at a snail's pace.

Finally, he clears his throat and faces me. "So, how have things been going lately?"

I blink up at him. "Tae, you just texted me the other day."

Another forced smile and he's back to rubbing the back of his head. "I-I know, it's just…you've barely responded to my texts, and I wasn't sure if you've been thinking about what I said. You know…thinking about me and you."

Placing my hand on his arm, I pull us to a stop. "To be honest, Tae, there's not really much to think about."

His expression shifts from confused to almost irritated. "Not much to think about? Jennie, we dated for over half a year. I was with you for longer than any other girl before you. And now you're telling me that you can drop me? Just like that?"

I open my mouth to speak, but he starts in again, moving a step closer. "How many times do I have to apologize for being a horrible boyfriend before you'll believe me?" He's close enough now that the warmth from his body stretches to me. "I've tried to give you the space you need while still showing you that I'm not giving up on us...I've texted you, sent you flowers, tried to spend time with you, even though it's clear you'd rather watch paint dry—"

"If that's clear to you, then why don't you just move on, Tae?"

His face falls, but I soldier on. "Look, it's not that I think you're a bad guy, I just think you weren't present enough in our relationship. It felt like you liked the idea of me more than you actually liked me."

"Jennie, that's not true," he says, shifting his shopping bag to his arm and taking both of my hands. "I liked—I like—you a lot. So much so that I'm ready to settle down with you. And I'm not ready to give up on us. Not yet." His gaze lifts to something behind me, then drops back to my face. "Jennie, look where we are."

My brow furrows as I spin around. We unknowingly stopped right outside of a jewelry store. Big, sparkling diamond rings are plastered all over advertisements on the windows. Large, warm hands grip my shoulders as Tae whispers into my ear. "Jennie, I know I was wishy washy about us before, but I'm ready to commit to you now. To be a husband to you. Isn't that something you want?"

I take in the beautiful engagement rings and envision one of them gracing my finger. It's a promising image he paints, bringing with it visions of white dresses and veils, vows and first dances, but when the picture materializes to a fully formed image, Tae isn't the groom at my side.

It's a girl with dark, unruly hair and light green eyes. It's a girl signing her vows, not speaking them, and we're surrounded by her sweet, fun family, not Tae's stuffy parents who always seemed to look down on me for not having ones of my own.

I slowly turn and try to give Tae a smile, but I know it falls flat. "Tae, I'm sorry. But I can't do this with you. I've moved on."

He doesn't say a word at first, only flits his eyes from the jewelry store to me. "I still think you should think about it." He says the words so quietly, I almost don't hear them over the din of people walking past us.

I sigh because what else can I do at this point, aside from making a scene. "Goodbye, Tae." I turn and walk back toward my friends, hoping and praying that when Lisa envisions her future, it's me she sees too. Because if she doesn't, I might have just turned my back on my one and only chance of having my white picket fence kind of life.

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