Brock sat there on the floor of the pokémon center, just holding onto Croagunk. He had been worried that Croagunk had overexerted himself and fainted. After holding the pokémon for several minutes, Brock realized that wasn't the case. Croagunk was far too stiff. Nurse Joy would have mentioned if there was a problem with Croagunk's muscles where he couldn't relax them. No, this was just him, being tense and anxious, and not at all like the laid back pokémon that Brock knew him to be
Ash told Brock that Croagunk had tried to run off. It wasn't surprising news, but it was concerning. Croagunk needed rest, and Brock also thought that he needed a friend. He knew that Croagunk wanted to be with him, and Brock wanted him as his pokémon, so why was he trying to run?
What would that accomplish except hurt both of them?
Eventually, Croagunk took a deep breath and tried to pull away from Brock. It wasn't a desperate pull, it was just a casual gesture that said that Croagunk, who had never been one for physical touch, was ready to be done with the embrace. Brock let him go, trusting that he wouldn't run off.
For a long moment, Croagunk just stared at Brock like he didn't understand him. He didn't huff and look the other way out of embarrassment. He didn't try to run away again. He just stared.
"Are you okay now?" Brock asked, though he knew that Croagunk was far from okay. He hoped that at least he could be emotionally okay. Once that hurdle was crossed, Brock thought that everything would be easier.
Croagunk was still for a long time before he nodded. Brock couldn't breathe a sigh of relief yet though.
"Are you going to try to run off again?" Brock asked. Croagunk didn't nod, but he didn't shake his head either. His uncertainty was clear. He didn't know what to do. It was odd from Croagunk, who was always so confident.
Brock wished that Croagunk could talk to him. He had never struggled to understand his pokémon before, but he'd never had one quite like Croagunk. They were going to have to try to do this the old fashioned way, with a lot of trial, error, and guesswork.
"Why do you want to leave?" Brock asked. "Is it because you got hurt?" Croagunk made an odd face and shook his head. Brock didn't understand pride. He could see Croagunk's pride making him feel embarrassed and want to hide away. He could also see pride make somebody feel the need to stick around to prove to themselves that being hurt didn't make them weak. It was confusing.
Croagunk glanced towards Ash. It was a short look, which Brock only noticed because he was looking for such a thing. Brock frowned. Croagunk had shook his head when Brock had asked if it was because he'd gotten hurt, but that odd expression told Brock that there was something else there.
Brock looked at Ash, who was rubbing his arm. There was a slight miscoloring. It was hard to tell if it was becoming a bruise, or if there was some slight poison. Either way, there was a very minor injury, and Brock knew who was responsible.
"Is it because you hurt Ash?" Brock asked. Croagunk seemed to think for a long moment before he shook his head, though there was that odd look on his face again. Brock was close. "Is it because you hurt someone else? And you feel bad about it?"
Croagunk nodded, but then he stopped and shook his head. Brock was a little frustrated. Was it a yes or a no?
Dawn put a hand on Brock's arm. "You asked two questions." She looked at Croagunk. "Did you hurt people?" Croagunk nodded again. "Do you feel bad?" Croagunk hesitated, but he shook his head. Brock realized what was going on. It was the situation with Team Rocket all over again.
Croagunk hadn't necessarily joined Team Rocket, but he'd been with them, and he had done so willingly, and Brock hadn't been able to understand it at the time. Even now he was confused, but he accepted that he didn't have to understand. He thought that Team Rocket was bad, and anything that had to do with them was bad, but he knew that things were rarely so black and white.
Croagunk hadn't been with them because he agreed with what they were doing. But he hadn't disagreed with them enough to let it stop him from befriending Meowth. Croagunk had fallen in the middle, and that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes people were bad. Sometimes people were pure and good. Sometimes though, people and pokémon were just people and pokémon. And there was nothing wrong with that.
Hurting people without guilt was a hard thing to reconcile, but Croagunk's situation had been far from normal. Brock didn't know just what Team Galactic had done to him, but he knew that Croagunk had been hurt and possibly starved. It wasn't too out there to consider that he had been forced to do some not too good things, and maybe he just didn't feel guilty because he hadn't felt like he'd had a choice.
Hurt or get hurt. The rules of pokémon battle. The natural laws that nature lived by. Yeah, Croagunk may not have necessarily been defending himself in the traditional way, and maybe he'd hurt people who couldn't protect themselves, but that didn't mean that it wasn't self-defense.
"You know, I'm not mad or disappointed." Brock said. "I'm really not." Croagunk didn't look like he believed him, but Brock meant it. "Nothing's changed. I still want you." To prove it, Brock reached into his bag and pulled out a pokéball. He set it on the ground in front of Croagunk. The pokémon just stared at it.
"You don't have to do anything if you don't want to." Brock assured him. "And if you want this, but change your mind later, that's fine too." Croagunk gave him a look of caution and disbelief, and he stared at the pokéball like it was going to be snatched away from him.
Brock thought that if Croagunk didn't agree immediately, then he would think on it for a few hours, or even a day or two. He'd just gotten away from Team Galactic. It would take him time to feel safe and like he could trust again, and Croagunk hadn't ever been the most trusting of pokémon in the first place. That was okay. As long as Brock could keep an eye on him to make sure that he recovered, he'd be fine with waiting.
To Brock's surprise, Croagunk just sat there for a minute before he reached for the pokéball, opening it. With a flash of light, Croagunk disappeared into the pokéball.
Usually when pokémon chose to be caught like this, the pokéball sealed immediately. Brock was concerned and shocked when the pokéball continued to shake and wobble, like it would when a pokémon was resisting being caught. If Croagunk had changed his mind, why didn't he just come back out? Was he physically weak enough that he couldn't come out?
Brock hoped that wasn't the case. He would be willing to release Croagunk if it was really what he wanted, but he didn't like the thought of the fragile trust between them being shaken if Croagunk got caught in the first place when he didn't really want it.
He watched anxiously as the pokéball shook for what felt like forever. It went on and on, and then finally it stopped. Immediately after it was set, the pokéball opened and Croagunk stumbled a bit, breathing harshly. He was looking around wildly, like he expected to see a threat.
"Hey, hey, it's okay." Brock reached out for him, but Croagunk growled and jerked back. Brock flinched. "Sorry, I'm sorry. If you don't want to be my pokémon-" Croagunk huffed and shook his head. Brock's heart broke, but if this was what Croagunk wanted, that was fine. He'd cope.
Pikachu's ears perked. He dashed to Croagunk, and the two of them seemed to communicate with each other. They talked for a moment before Pikachu looked to Ash. He gestured to Croagunk and the pokéball, saying something. Brock couldn't understand what was being said, but Ash had a way of understanding Pikachu.
Ash blinked. "Oh." He smiled. "It's not about you, it's the pokéball. Croagunk doesn't like it."
Brock felt like a weight was lifted off his chest. He looked at Croagunk, feeling hopeful. "Is that all?" Croagunk nodded, though he looked a little sheepish and embarrassed. Brock held out his hands soothingly. "Hey, there's nothing wrong with that. Plenty of pokémon don't like their pokéballs. Just look at Pikachu. And you've never seen Meowth in a pokéball, have you?"
Ash stiffened, scowling. "Speaking of Team Rocket, I hate that we just let them get away." There was a familiar look of determination in his eyes. "We need to go after the orb."
Brock understood where he was coming from, and a part of him agreed, but he couldn't bring himself to let Croagunk be anywhere near Team Galactic, who had surely gone after the orb. And he didn't want to leave him on his own either.
"I'm staying here with Croagunk, and I can keep an eye on Chimchar too." Brock said. "Do whatever you need." Ash nodded and Pikachu climbed onto his shoulders. They ran off. Dawn looked after him before turning towards Brock.
"Are you sure you'll be okay here alone?" Dawn asked.
"We'll be fine." Brock said. "Go ahead." Dawn gave him an encouraging smile and ran off. Brock sighed and turned his complete attention back to Croagunk.
"You know, it really is fine that you don't like the pokéball." Brock said. "But it's not just the pokéball, is it? You flinched away from me. If it's something I did, or something I can do differently to make you feel more comfortable, please, I need to know." Their relationship was so fragile. Brock wanted to make it work, but it couldn't if Croagunk was scared of him.
Croagunk croaked and stared at Brock for a long moment, just thinking. Brock didn't know how, but he could tell when the contemplative croaking turned to one of communication. Brock couldn't understand him, but he knew that he was being told something. He did his best to listen, not with his ears, but with his heart and mind.
People and pokémon couldn't communicate with each other the traditional way, but they could find other ways of connecting and communicating. It required a close relationship though, and Brock could just hope that what he had with Croagunk was enough.
He thought of the way that Croagunk had flinched away from his touch immediately upon leaving the pokéball. He thought of the way that Croagunk had fallen to a tense limpness in his arms, and he'd seemed surprised when Brock had let him go. They seemed like such small things, and were probably unrelated, but somehow Brock felt like there was a connection there, and he had an idea about it.
"You don't like being trapped." Brock said. Croagunk flinched at the words, looking uncertain and frustrated with himself. Brock had seen Croagunk restrained before, and he'd just looked annoyed. There had been no fear or desperation. This was a recent development, and Brock didn't need to be told who was responsible.
"Team Galactic did something, didn't they?" Brock seethed, because how dare they touch his pokémon? How dare they traumatize him, because that was what this was. Even if Croagunk would never want to admit it, this was a trauma response.
Croagunk ducked his head, looking upset with himself. That wasn't okay. Brock wanted to reach out and offer comfort, but he didn't want to overstep the boundary that was news to both of them.
Brock sat on the ground, opening himself up as much as he could. "I know you probably don't want a hug, but do you want to sit here with me?" He patted the spot between his legs. "I'll only touch you as much as you're comfortable with, and you can say no if you want, but I think it could do you some good to have a gentle touch, and I would feel a lot better if I had you right here with me."
Croagunk was still for a long moment before he inched forward and slowly settled between Brock's legs. He sat there for a minute before he nudged at Brock's feet, making him open his legs wider. It wasn't the most comfortable position for Brock, but if this was how Croagunk wanted it, then it was how Brock wanted it.
"You know, I missed you." Brock said. "I couldn't stop worrying about you, and I know you're strong enough that you don't need to be taken care of, but I care about you, and I worry about the people I care about. It's how I am."
Croagunk nodded and slowly leaned back until he was resting against Brock's chest. They sat like that for several minutes, and Croagunk started to truly relax. Brock thought that this was the closest to content that he'd ever seen Croagunk.
Brock took a deep breath. "I want to try something, okay? Do you trust me?" Croagunk nodded without hesitation, and while Brock appreciated it, he didn't know what he had done to earn Croagunk's trust. He felt like all he'd done so far was hurt him.
"Okay, I'm going to wrap an arm around you." Brock said. If it gets too much for you, or even if you just want to be let go, just tap my arm three times and I'll let you go right away, okay?" Croagunk croaked a few times and nodded. They both took a few deep breaths before Brock slowly brought his arm up around Croagunk. He tried to refrain from putting any real pressure on him. This wasn't a hold, or even really an embrace. They were both just sitting there, and there was just an arm blocking Croagunk's way out.
They sat like that for a minute before Brock brought his arm closer, pressing it against Croagunk, giving more of a feeling of being trapped. He didn't want to scare the other, but he desperately wanted to show the pokémon that he could be trusted to let him go if he was getting overwhelmed. And he wanted Croagunk to see that just because he felt trapped didn't mean he was going to get hurt.
Croagunk immediately stiffened, and Brock felt bad and wanted to pull away and release the other. He held firm though. He felt like this was important. They needed to trust each other. Croagunk needed to know that Brock would let him go, and Brock needed to know that Croagunk would let him know if he did something wrong. They needed to catch things like this early before they got out of hand, and working on it in a controlled and safe environment was the best way of doing it.
Croagunk sat there, slightly restrained, for nearly a minute before he huffed and tapped Brock's arm. He immediately opened his arm. Croagunk stood up and walked a few feet away. He paced for a minute, shaking his arms out a little. He didn't look too distressed, which was a relief. Brock wouldn't have wanted him to push himself too much. Going past one's comfort zone was important, but not so far that it broke them.
Croagunk walked around for a minute before he slowly came back to Brock, sitting with him again. He didn't lean against his chest, but he was with him. He trusted him, and that was enough.
"Are you okay?" Brock asked. Croagunk nodded. "Is what I did okay?" If Croagunk was fine with the exercise, they could work on it more and get better. If it was too much for him, Brock didn't want to push him. He was pleased when, without a moment of hesitation, Croagunk nodded.
"If I do anything to make you feel trapped again, just tap my arm again, and I'll stop and give you some space." Brock said. "And I'll make sure the others do the same." He put his hand in front of Croagunk. "And if you ever want physical reassurance of any kind, just grab my hand, okay?" Croagunk stared at his hand, but then he lifted his own hand and placed it on Brock's. The trainer smiled. "Yeah, just like that."
Brock had expected Croagunk to immediately drop his hand, but he seemed content to just hold his hand, and he was more than happy to let him.
Brock just wanted to enjoy the company of his newest pokémon, but he couldn't get his mind off of how determined Croagunk had been when it had come to Toxicroak. He'd run off after Team Galactic, just to finish the fight he had started.
And he'd only started it because of Brock. He'd almost gotten hurt , and after that Croagunk had been single-minded about stopping the other pokémon. Croagunk had gotten captured, hurt, and traumatized, because of Brock. He didn't want that to happen again.
"We're probably going to run into Team Galactic again." Brock said slowly. "I know you're going to have a bone to pick with Toxicroak, but I don't want you running off and fighting him on your own, okay?"
Croagunk huffed and brought his hand away from Brock's. He didn't walk away from him though.
"I'm not saying you can't try to get back at him." Brock didn't like the thought of revenge, but between Croagunk's poison typing and his fighting typing, a desire for revenge was his instinct. It wouldn't be fair to ask him to ignore it. "I just don't want you to think you have to do this alone. We're all one big team. We help each other out here. If something's important to you, then it's important to me, and it's important to the others too. We'll take on Toxicroak together."
Croagunk twisted his head and looked at Brock. He just looked confused and more than a little dubious. He either didn't want someone's help with such a personal issue, or he didn't trust that Brock would really have his back with this.
Brock sighed and gave Croagunk a small smile. "Will you at least just think about it?" Croagunk was still for a moment, but he nodded. Brock finally breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you."
Tomorrow they'd probably be leaving this city and continuing on with their journey. Brock didn't say as much to Croagunk, but he wondered a bit how travelling would work these next few weeks. It would take Croagunk time to recover. Normally, that wouldn't be a problem, as healing pokémon could just stay in their pokéball, but that wasn't an option for Croagunk.
If Croagunk felt comfortable being held, Brock could easily carry him, but he knew that even if the pokémon didn't have a problem with feeling trapped he would still have a hard time accepting such help. Croagunk would have to walk, but until he was fully recovered, he would probably not be able to travel for long periods of time.
Oh, he would surely try, but it was officially Brock's job to make sure he didn't push himself to do more than he could handle. He didn't know how to make sure that Croagunk was fine, or how to bring up to the others that their traveling would probably have to slow down quite a bit for a week or two.
They were problems he would have to think about, but he would take these problems any day over his anxiety about Croagunk's safety. Croagunk was here, and that was good enough for Brock. He'd figure the rest out as they went.