Chapter 8

Darcy only managed a word with Elizabeth that morning as she and her aunt had been on their way out of the house when he arrived to deliver the letters. He handed each letter to its recipient and was pleased by Elizabeth's blush when he apologised in advance for any assumptions made in his sister's letter. Reluctantly tearing himself away from Elizabeth's company, he made his way to his office. Despite his best efforts, his thoughts frequently strayed to her throughout the day, necessitating a constant need for him to redirect his attention to his papers. Since this was not his normal state, he found himself frustrated with his lack of concentration, although the object of his thoughts was pleasing.

Finally, he finished enough of his work to feel he could depart in good conscience. Perhaps he had completed as much work as he might normally, but he had still done at least as much as most of his peers. Strangely, although he knew he had selected the law as a way of life only a few years ago, knowing that he would be able to live the rest of his life as the master of an estate not far from his family's ancestral seat of Pemberley. This pleased him, as he had always preferred the country to town, but he had preferred the law to the church and therefore had selected a career as a barrister. He felt a little sadness at the thought of giving up this career he had fought to be a success in but knew his life would not be one of idleness, as he would not choose to act as some other estate owners he knew – his brother included – who allowed the steward to oversee his estate while merely collecting the rents. Darcy had learned at the foot of his father to be a diligent worker, and he would be involved in the running of his estate and would do all he could to make it prosper under his management. And he would have Elizabeth by his side to assist him as he learned …

This thought followed him into his rooms to change for dinner and led him to quickly depart for the Gardiner home on Gracechurch Street. He arrived early, as Mr Gardiner had suggested. After greeting the family, the young couple was allowed the opportunity for a private conversation in the drawing room, leaving the door ajar for propriety's sake. At the same time, Mr and Mrs Gardiner tucked their children into bed.

"Elizabeth," he began, "I have had several discussions with both your uncle and my mother since I spoke to you yesterday about courting you. I believe those conversations have all led to the same inevitability, and I would like to ask you: what are your thoughts on our relationship?"

Elizabeth blushed at his direct question. "Sir, I … what exactly do you mean?"

Darcy chuckled at how flustered she appeared at his rather improper question. "Forgive me, dearest," he began, and she blushed brightly at the endearment. He beamed as he realised what he had said and her reaction to it. "Perhaps I should simply tell you what has been discussed. Your uncle believes that it is inevitable that we will marry and nearly challenged me to do so quickly. Even though we have known each other less than a fortnight, I confess, I had heard about 'Lizzy' from your aunt and uncle frequently long before I met you. I think that fact forwarded our friendship. However, that does not change the fact that from the moment I met you, and especially the first time we touched, I felt something for you that I have never felt before. At first, it was simply an attraction to a beautiful woman, but your wit and charm did not take long to touch my heart in earnest. I have come to care for you greatly, and while I am reluctant to call it love quite this quickly, I feel that I am well on my way. Your uncle sees this as well, and my mother came to the same conclusion last evening when I told her about you."

Reaching out to place her hand in his, Elizabeth interrupted him. "My aunt has said something similar to me, Fitzwilliam. I had heard of you before I met you, although perhaps not as frequently. Although I had been in town less than a fortnight when we met, you had frequently been mentioned during that time. I was predisposed to like you, and I felt that same jolt of … something when I first saw you and then again when I laid my hand on your arm. Like you, I can easily say I care about you but am reluctant to call it love after such a short time."

"Yet my uncle and mother have both suggested that I give in to the inevitable and propose to you immediately, as they believe our marriage is a foregone conclusion at this point," he informed her dryly.

She arched an eyebrow in a way he had come to adore. "That is rather presumptuous of our relatives, Fitzwilliam. And are you inclined to follow their advice?" she inquired.

"That is why I asked for permission to speak to you, Elizabeth," he retorted. "And might I say, the fact that you are holding my hand and are calling me by my Christian name seems to indicate a closer relationship than a mere courtship already? I believe we are friends, but perhaps there is more there as well."

Feeling slightly stunned by that thought, Elizabeth attempted to pull her hand from his, but he tightened his grip. "Please, Elizabeth, do not pull away from me just now. I wish to discuss several matters with you because I think you have a right to know. My mother revealed some things to me that I did not know before last night and gave me something to give to you."

"Did she?" Elizabeth asked, feeling rather curious.

"She did," Darcy said, smiling at his success in turning Elizabeth's mind from her pique at presumptuous relatives and onto a gift. He pulled the velvet bag from his pocket and held it up for Elizabeth to see.

"Jewellery?" she guessed.

"A necklace meant for my intended," he whispered as he poured the necklace into his hand.

Again, she startled. "More presumptions," she whispered.

"Perhaps, but, Elizabeth, is it truly so much of a stretch? You have admitted to caring for me and feeling that same jolt that I felt upon meeting. I feel like I have known you for much longer than merely a sennight, and I have a difficult time picturing a life without you in it." He paused to take a deep breath. "Perhaps I should have waited to speak of this. I still have more important things to discuss with you, but I want you to know what I am thinking. We have the support of your London family and my mother, and I will speak with my uncle tomorrow about matters. But I need to tell you about that development before I go to speak with him."

"What development?" Elizabeth asked, intrigued.

"An additional inheritance left to a second or third son by my grandfather," Darcy told her. "It was apparently mentioned in my mother's marriage settlement as well as in my grandfather's will, but I was not to be told about it until I expressed an interest in marriage. Mother told me of it last night when I spoke to her about you, and she informed me that I would need to speak to my uncle to finalise the arrangements for it to be transferred to me. There is some money that comes with it, although I do not know how much, but of greater importance is that it includes an estate not terribly far from Pemberley, either in Chesire or near Dovedale. There are two modest estates set aside, and I am not certain how it will be determined which one I will inherit, but my mother believes that each earns approximately £4,000 per annum. That, combined with my fortune and your dowry, will enable us to live rather well, in fact, I would say extraordinarily well. Any children we have would definitely be well provided for."

"This is all too quick, sir," Elizabeth said, standing and pacing in front of him. "How can you speak of providing for our children when we are not even yet engaged? Despite the feelings you evoke in me, I have known you for a week. Do not my uncle and your mother think this is all moving too quickly? How can you speak of a life with me so soon? Is this merely to allow you to inherit your estate? Am I merely convenient to fit into your plans?"

The Gardiners were walking by in time to hear Elizabeth's outburst and stepped into the room. Mrs Gardiner immediately went to Elizabeth to calm her, and Gardiner encouraged Darcy to step across the hall to his study for a few moments.

"That was not what I expected," Darcy said after taking a large gulp of whatever Gardiner handed to him.

"My wife was worried she would react this way when I told her the subject of your discourse," Gardiner told the younger man. "Her parents are not much of an example of marriage. I do not know if she realises her parents married because they had to, but despite the relationship she has seen between my wife and me, she is still deeply afraid of making a mistake. She is not rejecting you but will need time to calm herself. My wife will speak to her and help her to see things in their proper way."

As the gentlemen spoke, Mrs Gardiner was making an effort to calm her niece. "How can he speak of marriage so soon after meeting me? How does he know he feels what he should so quickly?" Elizabeth cried.

"First, Lizzy, dry your tears and come sit beside me so we might speak," Mrs Gardiner said, patting the seat beside her. It took a moment, but Elizabeth did obey, her body still full of nervous energy. "I would have warned your uncle to allow me to speak to you first had I known what he and Mr Darcy discussed this morning. You must remember that Mr Darcy is not like your father, and you are definitely not the same as your mother. Even if you and Mr Darcy were to marry tomorrow, you would never have the relationship they have. Do you know that your uncle and I married after only six weeks? We both knew immediately that the other was our partner, and that is what we have – a partnership. Our marriage is nothing like your parents, is it? And I know you have seen other examples of good relationships, even if what you see at home is not good. The amount of time we know someone matters less than the commitment we make to ensuring that things will work."

Elizabeth nodded her agreement and noticeably began to calm until another worry struck her. "Did I scare him away?"

Mrs Gardiner chuckled at her question. "No, dear, I do not believe he is one to be easily scared away. Your uncle is speaking to him, but I think that you are the one who needs reassurance right now. Now, has he asked for your hand already? Did you answer him?"

"No, he did not ask," she admitted. "We were merely discussing the idea of our marriage. It was his mention of us having children someday that frightened me, I think."

"Why did that frighten you? You adore your cousins?" Mrs Gardiner asked.

"I do, but …," she sighed heavily before she continued. "What if I am more like Mama than either of us believes, and I can only have daughters? Will Fitzwilliam grow to despise me if that happens? Will I come to hate one or all of my children as my mother did? Fitzwilliam has said he is not ready to say what he feels for me is love, yet he speaks of marrying me as though it will definitely happen. I told him I felt the same – that I know I care for him, but it simply feels too soon to call what I feel love. Can I fall in love with someone in just seven days?"

"Love is more than a feeling, Elizabeth," Mrs Gardiner told her. "You say you care for him, but what else? Do you enjoy his touch? Do you want to be with him, to speak to him about whatever you are thinking or feeling? Do you look forward to seeing him, and can you sit quietly with him? If you think about days of not seeing him, how do you feel?"

"I do enjoy it when he holds my hand or touches my elbow to guide me. When I read Mary's letter the other day, the first thing I wanted to do was to speak to him about what it revealed about Jane. And if I were to imagine days without him, I think I would be very sad. I do want to see him and speak to him as often as I might, and I would be terribly upset if I thought I had scared him away and would never see him again. Although what if Mama and Jane are right, and when he comes to know me better, he will want little to do with me? Mama barely thought I was worthy of a barrister, even when that was all she knew about him, and she will definitely not believe me worthy of him when he is a landed gentleman with an estate worth twice as much as Longbourn. What if we are already married when I frighten him away or when he realises I am not the woman he really wanted?"

"Do not even think about what your Mama has said to you," Mrs Gardiner admonished her seriously. "She is a foolish woman who does not like you because of something you had no control over. She has neglected you your entire life; her opinion of you means nothing. The voices you should remember are your grandmother's, mine and your uncle's, and now Mr Darcy's. Despite the fact that he is not yet ready to say the words, I believe that you and he do love each other and that the love you have will last."

"How will I know?" Elizabeth whispered.

"What does your heart say?" her aunt prompted.

"Not to let him go," she replied.

"Then I think you have your answer, dear," came the reply from Mrs Gardiner. "Now, should I send him back in here, or would you prefer that your uncle and I stay for the conversation?"

"I think I need a moment to apologise to him for my outburst, and then perhaps we can all discuss matters. He spoke of my dowry, and while I know that Grandmother left me something in the care of my uncle, I do not know any further details. And I would like to know more of the inheritance Fitzwilliam's mother told him about last night," Elizabeth said.

"Are you aware that you have repeatedly called him by his Christian name in this conversation?" Mrs Gardiner laughingly asked.

Elizabeth sighed. "Yes, and I imagine that should be another indication of my feelings, should it not?"

"Yes, and perhaps you and he should discuss those feelings a bit and share your fears with him. Your uncle has shared a bit about your parents, but he will not fully understand how those things have affected you. Only you can tell Mr Darcy exactly how those things have affected you and your ideas about marriage. He is treating you as a partner already by discussing these matters with you; your uncle said that he declined to make any decisions today when they met because Mr Darcy wanted to discuss things with you. He already sees you as an equal to him, my dear."

"That is certainly reassuring," Elizabeth replied. She took several deep breaths before saying in a clear, firm voice, "I am ready to speak to him again and apologise for my outburst. Might we speak privately again at first and then call you and Uncle in when we are ready?"

"Of course, Lizzy," was the reply. Mrs Gardiner hurried out to send Mr Darcy back into the room with her niece so they could work things out.

Darcy entered the room a little uncertain of his reception. Mrs Gardiner had assured him that he had merely taken her niece unawares and scolded both him and her husband for not consulting her before they took up this topic. Darcy had felt slightly amused at hearing his friend scolded so by his wife and wondered idly if this was not how things would be between Elizabeth and him one day. The thought was pleasant, and he was even more determined not to ruin things between them. With the admonition to take things slowly ringing in his ears, Darcy entered the drawing room, where he found Elizabeth. Once again, she was deep in thought and pacing the room. Moving directly into her path, he stood for a moment as he waited for her to either notice him or collide with him.

She came perilously close to colliding with him, only halting her stride upon noticing his shoes directly in her path. "Fitzwilliam," she cried, shaking her head to clear it. Laughing at herself, "I do not know how you snuck up on me, especially as I was expecting you to return, but I was lost in my thoughts. I … I need to apologise to you for my outburst. You caught me off guard with the discussion of marriage — while I knew that was your intention when you asked to court me, I … I do not think, er, well, I had not considered we might speak of it so soon. My uncle mentioned that he would speak to you of my family this morning, and somehow, I had spent most of the day thinking the story would be more likely to drive you away than to make you desire to move forward."

"Why would you think that?" he asked, intrigued as to why this woman would believe that her history would make a suitor leave rather than encourage him to stay.

"My aunt and I have spoken a great deal since I came to London on this trip. I think one reason is that we both knew that I would not be returning to Longbourn after this visit. Ever since Grandmother passed away, my mother has become worse in her treatment of me — she never abused me or anything, but she rarely had anything good to say. When Grandmother was alive, at least there was some good to counter the bad, but without her there, all I heard was the bad," Elizabeth admitted.

"So, for the last two years, all you have heard is how unladylike you are and how unlikely you are ever to find a man who wanted you, and after hearing little to counter that, you had come to believe it?" he asked to clarify.

"Something like that," she replied. Sighing deeply, she ploughed ahead. "Marriage frightens me. I am certain that at one point, my parents believed they loved each other, but whatever they felt for each was not enough to last. I refuse to marry someone who cannot or will not respect me. My father mocks us all: my mother, my sisters, and even myself, who he claims to love above my other sisters. That was the first lesson I learned when I came to London, as I had taken up my father's mantle and mimicked his behaviour. He is a poor example, but in following his lead, I received some small amounts of approval. Mama approved of nothing I did, but in laughing with Papa, it felt like we had something in common. But Papa is a bitter man who ignores his family and mocks them publicly. That is not an example anyone should follow. I will forever be grateful that my aunt and uncle brought me to London, and I hope Mary can come soon as well. I do not know if anything can be done for the rest of my sisters, nor am I certain how to work a change, even if they desired it."

"I had an excellent example of marriage in my parents. My mother misses my father dreadfully, and they loved all of their children. I am so sorry that your parents could not find a way to do the same," Darcy said, reaching out to take her hand in his. "I hope to have the kind of marriage they had, the kind of marriage your aunt and uncle have. I want to love my wife, but more importantly, I want my wife to be a partner and to work with me for the benefit of our family. Can I confess that since I learned of this inheritance, I have had an image of you working alongside of me? Of course, the image I have is the study at Pemberley, but I am certain it will still be applicable in whichever estate I am given." Drawing in a breath, he carefully approached the topic so close to his heart. "I am not asking you to marry me at this moment; we have only barely begun to court. However, I do want you to know that is what I want, and when you are ready, I will ask. Do not assume I will know when you are ready, so feel free to nudge me, but I did want to speak to you about what I had learned from my mother. I think I frightened you by broaching the topic before we were ready to speak of it, but what I learned was such a surprise that I wanted to share my change of circumstances with you. I know it will not alter your feelings toward me, but I would not want you to accept a barrister only to learn after that fact that I will be instead a landed gentleman with an estate."

Elizabeth nodded. "That shows me the respect you have for me. You are right; you needed to disclose the change in circumstances. While, in truth, none of these circumstances will influence the sentiments I harbour for you, it does change the life I might expect when I accept you." She noticed the beaming smile that statement elicited. "Yes, I said 'when,' you silly man. I think I have come to agree with the rest of the family, who believe our union to be a certainty, but give me a day or two to wrap my head around the whole thing. I am just eighteen and honestly did not expect to ever marry. Since I came out, I was repeatedly told that I was not enough to attract a man and I would never measure up to my older sister. Despite other voices who told me otherwise, it was my mother's voice that I heard the strongest in my head."

"Thank you, my dearest Elizabeth," he expressed with a smile, followed by a teasing smirk. "It warms my heart to discover your willingness to come around to my perspective after just a minor fuss. But I must clarify, even without meeting your sister, I cannot imagine her measuring up to you. You are everything lovely, and I struggled to speak to you that first night when I saw you – you were so stunningly lovely. And you have only grown lovelier in my eyes."

She arched her eyebrow at him. "That is quite a leap, Fitzwilliam," she retorted. "Perhaps you will be made to see things my way just as easily. And I believe it took both my uncle and my aunt speaking with both of us to resolve matters."

"Actually, I believe it can all be attributed to your aunt," he replied. "She managed your uncle as easily as I hope you will come to manage me one day."

Elizabeth laughed despite herself, and Darcy soon followed. The Gardiners poked their heads in when they heard the merriment the couple were making. "Good, the two of you have worked things out. Let us go into dinner before it cools and the cook gets upset with us. We have much to discuss," Gardiner said to the young couple.