COSMAFIA

Episode 2 - Tour

Bimm piloted her hoversword shaped like an actual rocket with Cosma in tow, sitting on the back of it with her arms and legs crossed and looking at the scenery of the land. Her new partner avoided the village for her boss's sake. But as soon as they reached Slugburger, they stopped and got near the booth after having a conversation about the place.

"And that's basically Rhyboflaven," Bimm finished.

"So we're in a medieval land yet you have flying swords, robot hands, and cell phones?"

"Yes."

Simone popped up immediately at the window, startling the feline enough for her to hide under her hat.

"Yo Bimm, what's…" The witch squinted and darted her finger at Cosma. "Eeeeey. I know you! You're the mook who ate Radicles' planet the other day, ain't ya?"

"Who," Cosma tilted her head.

"A dude from Planet X."

"Ah, that place. Well, you need not worry. I'm not exactly in any shape to do it again. Plus, I'm too upset to really think about it when I have other things on my plate."

"Riiiiight," Simone continued to glare. "Just don't do nothin' fishy. I've got the guy on speed dial. Whaddya want?"

"Actually, I…or…" Seeing Bimm still hiding, she took her hat and lifted the cat back up with it like an accordion. "We need your help with something."

"Not when I'm on the job I will."

"I'll co-sign your lease," Cosma asserted.

"What's the deal?"

The lizard held the busted Magisword forward and gave it to the witch on the other side of the counter. "We need you to repair this…Magisword. I'm moving to a new place soon and I'd like to try my hand at these for convenience's sake."

"Easy-peezy," Simone grinned. "Anything else like a drink or the usual, Bimm?"

"Just the usual," said the cat.

"Cool. Comin' right up."

Simone descended comically as pots and pans began clanging in the background and Bimm and Cosma returned to their conversation.

Bimm admitted, "I…don't really have that much money for things other than…"

"The apartment," Cosma interrupted. "Some of the gems from there are stuck in my hair."

"Oh."

"Just what do you normally do here for a living other than going on quests and eating fast food?"

"Well we," Bimm scratched the back of her head. "We uh... I...don't really know. There are merchants, there's plenty of places to shop, and loads of Magiswords to choose from."

"Yet not much else?"

"No. What about you… I-if you don't mind me asking?"

Cosma looked up to the nice blue skies, appreciating their beauty. "When I'm not traveling, I go to Earth...or...my Earth to get reports from Boxmore. It's the brand I've been financing for years even when its owner was acting a fool."

"Aaaand you're an evildoer," Bimm asked.

"Yes."

" …Why…?"

"Because I can be. I'll give Boxman this. He understood what it's like to have no limits to what you could do for the thrill of it. Even when we fail, we'll simply bounce back and continue to be an everlasting headache on those would-be heroes across the street from that old facility."

Bimm stood there in disbelief over what she's gotten herself into. But there's no turning back from it now. She stumbled with her words saying, "I'm not sure what to say except it sounds mean."

"Of course," Cosma grinned and sharpened her eyes as she drew her snout closer to the cat's face.

"All done," Simone said bringing the food and the newly repaired sword out. "Oh, an' here's your food Bimm."

"Thank you!"

"Now where's the goods, snoot?"

Cosma tilted her head over the name. "Snoot…?"

"Scales…? No one else but'chu."

"O-oh, yes!" To pay up, she pulled out a heap of gems from her long orange hair and handed it to the imp. "Will this suffice?"

"Aw Hell yeah!" Simone paused. "You keep mula in yo hairdo?"

Trying to fit in more, Cosma reluctantly said, "…Yes?"

And like that, Simone bought it and perked up immediately. "That's exactly what I do! Just grab yo'self a hat an' never take it off if some mook tries to rob ya!"

Both women in front of her smiled nervously but knew they were in good hands. They just avoided getting in trouble over the worst possible crime they've committed.

The brother of Bimm wiped his forehead from all the work he's been putting into the job Cosma left him with. He had gathered all the "parts" in the room and trashed them, making sure to cover his face over the stench and trying not to think of what he did.

He thought to himself, "Alright. Now I gotta wait for the Magisword to come back to mop up the blood and hopefully nobody…"

POOF

The magical Omnibus teleported out of nowhere in the room with Familiar's back turned.

"Warriors for Hire! It is none other than Omni…"

"AAAAAGH!"

Out of the blue, the cat grabbed a chair and hit the magician in the head, shattering the seat to pieces and sending the man's dome flying face-first into the wood wall!

"Phew…! Ok. He's a magic guy. He'll be fine."

Looking closer, the human's body was now lying on the floor not making a single movement. Worse that his cranium now spilled across the wood surface and into the rug and his hat.

"…Yep. Gotta be ketchup," Familiar assured himself.

There was a knock at the door, though this time Familiar could tell who it was thanks to Bimm's non-aggressive taps. He opened it and Cosma immediately asked, "You didn't have any problems, did you?"

"Erm…Just one, but I took care of it," he answered. "And it's kind of a good thing I stuck around. There's something wrong with the boiler downstairs."

"Nevermind that. We have to finish the job as soon as possible. Activate the Magisword."

AUTO CLEANER MAGISWORD

Instantly, held by Bimm, the Magisword began to do its thing. A wave of energy came spewing out across the room gathering all the remaining trash, furniture, and loose bits of material into a single pile floating above the floors.

"Wait… It's gathering it all in one place. Not really cleaning anything," Familiar realized.

"No. But at the very least we have all the trash we need to dispose of. Is there a tub we can use?"

"I've got a better idea."

Seeing Omnibus' hat detached from the body's head, Familiar grabbed it and the magic kicked in. It expanded into a portal that sucked all the garbage inside.

Bimm bounced and raised her hands celebrating, "WE DID IT!" That was until she felt her hat leave her head and soon her entire body started being dragged into the vortex! Familiar was next, even though he held it open, he couldn't keep himself planted on the ground as he tried to reach for his sibling! Cosma didn't budge before she too was being hurled in. But she kept herself in the physical realm holding onto a loose floorboard.

"Hmph," she grunted. "Normally I'd be worried, but I'll just fly out of here!" It was then that she remembered her mistake. Her eyes widened and her cocky grimace flipped upside down. "Wait…"

With a snap, the board broke off and the lizard was sent careening into the portal to another plane of reality entirely! As she, Bimm, and Familiar fell deep into a warp tunnel, they saw multiple surreal visions around them. One depicted how this episode was meant to go on had Cosma never crashed into the home, showing the Warriors for Hire and Catty-Rumpus failing miserably to find their way through an aggressive jungle. Another vision was of a much darker timeline. One where Witchy Simone was literally deleted by an anime-esque evildoer, only to return as an indecipherable mass of code getting her revenge later on. More included moments of the same timeline where Familiar not only married Phibby but he and Bimm would come face to face with the villain Simone fought earlier in a battle that shook the CN Universe. Cattus, a great friend of theirs, would even become king of all of Lyvsheria. But for Cosma, she saw a version of herself who was seemingly fighting for good after a visible head injury, in addition to a vision of a much darker K.O. and Professor Venomous rampaging Lakewood Plaza. Obviously, a nightmare conjured up by the magical hat sending her down until a surface was clear.

One by one, they crashed head-first into the sand and picked themselves up from it processing what happened. Annoyed, Cosma scowled at Familiar.

"A brilliant idea you called it, Familiar."

"Wasn't that Omnibus," Bimm asked her brother.

"Yes."

Cosma raised an eyebrow, "That was the problem you were referring to earlier?"

"Yeah, like I said. I took care of it."

Both Cosma and Bimm looked at each other surprised at what he said.

"Anyway, I'll make up for it. Bimm, hand me your Magisword."

Prompted, she tossed him her trusty Ball of Yarn Magisword, loosening the yarn attached to it. In a single swing, Familiar was able to lasso a tether up to the brim of the portal far above them. It was steadily closing, so he grabbed onto both his sister and Cosma to send them up. Climbing out, they looked and saw that Omnibus' body was still on the floor, albeit in worse condition. And quietly, Familiar slipped it into the portal just seconds before it could close.

"Surely now people will be wondering why that man has gone missing," said Cosma. "Do we have a bathtub Magisword?"

Bimm pulled it out. "Yes. But…"

"Good!"

Cosma took the Magisword and magically spawned a bathtub in front of them. She placed the hat in the middle of it, and with an Acid Magisword she found in the pile of garbage, she poured it in and stood watching it do the work as it slowly ate the headpiece.

"At last! Something has gone according to plan!"

Noting the still intact clock on the wall, Familiar pointed out, "Are you sure about that?"

Many hours had passed since the gang was sucked into the hat. The realm was in its own time zone, and already it was the next day. Surely the landlord would arrive shortly now that it's time for an inspection for rent. Bimm tugged the brim of her hat in a panic, but Cosma remained calm like Familiar, saying…

"Not to worry, you two. Now that we're out of that thing, we won't have to worry about looking cute in front of the landlord. And soon the evidence will be long gone."

Familiar asked, "Does that include the part where it sinks into the Earth?"

"What?"

CRASH

Followed by more crashing as a hole was chewed through the ceramic tub and soon taking the entire thing with it! A pit was formed underneath, sending it falling layer by layer down into the depths of the Earth until a faint smashing sound could be heard deep in the darkness below.

Cosma froze and tried to share a smirk with the two felines. "...Alright. I'll admit rocket science was Professor Venomous' niche. Not mine."

Quietly frustrated, Familiar commented, "You are an intergalactic traveler and a shareholder and you don't know basic chemistry?"

"Just because I go around in space doesn't mean I took a science major, boy!"

"Sorry, but I tried to warn you," Bimm said.

"Warn us about what," Familiar asked her. "You never finished your sentence."

"Yes."

The supervillain got near Bimm demanding an answer to her face. "Then why didn't you press me about it?! Assert yourself, woman!"

Bimm was now fidgeting and speaking fastly. "I know. But I got nervous and I'm too scared we're all going to jail or be executed because we stepped into a murder scene and we're not helpingbecausewe'retryingtohideTHEBODIES!"

Suddenly, Cosma gave Bimm a quick kiss on the lips and slapped her on the side of her face!

"Get a hold of yourself Bimm!" She slapped the cat twice more and grabbed her by the arms shaking her. "We CAN fix this! There is still time before the day ends and I'm not wasting it on a few cartoonish mistakes!"

Bimm blushed, "Do it again and do it harder this time…"

"Familiar, do we have a Concrete Magisword?"

The cat responded, "Yes ma'am!"

"Go find it. And Bimm, find a sizeable rug from upstairs and hand me your ball of yarn. I have an idea."

A few more hours passed and the apartment was fully restored. The pit was filled with concrete and covered with a similar rug to the original sewn by yarn. And at the center of it were the three sleeping soundly, wrapped around each other. Bimm was especially in her element while laying against Cosma whose tail was interlocked with Familiar's before they all suddenly heard…

Excuse me…

"ITWASTHEM!"

"ITWASHER!"

Cosma pointed fingers at the felines who pointed at her at the same time. They briefly scowled at each other when Mr. Packard the elephant explained, "I am here to collect the rent from Vambre and Prohyas Warrior. Or I should say the Warriors for Hire…as they advertise with their sign that I DID NOT specify was on the lease."

The supervillain cleared her throat, "Ah yes. Them… I arrived shortly after they fled the other day."

"Fled…?"

Familiar added onto the ruse. "Yeah. Apparently, they were pulling a stakeout in King Rexxtopher's territory and got on his hit list. Since we're mercenaries, they probably thought Bimm and me were coming after 'em, which is weird since we're reluctant buddies."

"I see. That's not a problem. This means this building will be open for eviction!"

"On the contrary Mr. Packard," Cosma began to say. "The Warriors allowed me a chance to tour their home before they abandoned it. And I would love to purchase this property."

"Really now," the elephant hunched back.

"Yes. And since we can't seem to locate them, I would like to make my move as soon as possible. After all, the place seems to have been refurbished and has a sort of charm to it that I like."

Mr. Packard considered the offer and said, "Normally such a gesture after a sudden disappearance would be concerning… But who cares," he grinned. "More money and no more Magisword shenanigans! I'll get you your leasing documents after I run one last inspection to ensure the building is ready to go. There's something to do with their boiler that they reported to me the other night."

Cosma bowed her head, "Take your time."

As the elephant man wandered into the other room of the building, Cosma scanned the living room with her eyes picturing what she could add to it that wasn't already there. Some of the furniture but not all like the couch and drawers are still there thanks to Familiar moving them to clean up. But what's left are several empty spaces. Even for an alien usually residing in the depths of outer space among the asteroids, she still had plenty to use to her content. Whereas now she'd be lucky to discover if TV monitors exist in this world.

Hearing the agreement, Bimm timidly reflected, "That was…better than I thought it would turn out."

"You mean with hiding the evidence or the agreement we had," her brother asked.

"Both. We were so close to failing you failing ourselves, Cosma. I thought you'd fire us…"

Cosma shook her head, partly astonished by such a response. "Never, Bimm. This world is new to me and I am willing to learn from these mistakes. For a duo looking to improve, you've certainly done a better job putting up with me than most. You should be proud of yourselves for even acknowledging I was wrong and admitting when you failed. That already shows promise."

Familiar asked, "Really?"

"No. We hid bodies, Familiar. 'Proud' is not a term I would use again after today. But at least the landlord is none the wiser, and I now have a base to settle into until I can restore my powers and return to that pathetic Boxman and Venomous to throw them into a black hole where they belong!"

Bimm realized, "Speaking of… Familiar, didn't you say something about the boiler earlier?"

"Yeah, why?"

BANG!

Just behind them, the floors and the kitchen combust and shatter the windows! The smoke blows out the building and the force of the blast sent all three of the anthros flying partly through the front door!

"…Told you about it…"