Total Drama X: Ultimate Islands!
Episode 29: Haywire Hoverboards
Part 2: The Hoverboard Grind
Finally, Chris shows up to disappoint everybody...which isn't too far out of the ordinary and Cassie Cage wonders how she could actually deal with eliminations...mostly because this challenge was designed to fuck with the competition by accident.
26 guys on a hoverboard try to practice, qualify for the final race and avoid the campfire in one fell swoop around an adulterated course on their hoverboards!
And there's still the multiple alliances thing, oh well.
Chris wasn't surprised that no-one liked his presence, but he wasn't expecting the Babylon Rogues to not appreciate his reality show style madness.
Somehow, as he laughed.
"I don't know what type of crazy you are, but these guys ain't ready yet!" Storm shouted. "They're wusses."
"These guys have been through crazy challenges, what's your problem, birds?"
"OH-"
Storm got stopped by Wave.
"Do you think these guys wake up and travel by Extreme Gear like it's nobody business-" Wave explained.
"No...that's why I'm gonna let them get used to it and then paint them with their own design! Then the challenge would actually be close, even if it's gonna be reality gold."
Wave and Storm had snarls on their faces from Chris' callousness, but they definitely accepted the situation at hand.
"Besides, there's still plenty of pain to be had. Chris out for a little bit!"
The campers were looking at the mostly offended Rogues unfazed, as they got into making sure that they were ready for whatever Chris was cooking for the long haul.
"So, who wants to go first? Since most of you don't know how this thing works." Cassie stated, as she got elbowed. "Nicole, I know that you want to win!"
"If I win, maybe my bills can be paid!" Nicole screamed, as Cassie was taken aback.
So much so that the daughter of an soldier and an celebrity had nothing to say and so did a lot of the people.
"Props." Lowain interrupted the silence. "What say that we hit the track and get serious!"
"Hey, that should be my line!" Nicole yelled, as Lowain's hair got tussled.
"...That was real wack, miss."
Lowain's hair was still messed up, as Nicole got on her board and so did he...
...and then Cassie and Sokka hopped on their boards with a shaky stance.
The four of them were ready, when all of a sudden Dante slid in with a thing that the Rogues did not know about.
"Hold up, Babylon birds, you said that there was no hoverbikes and guess what I'm holding up?" Dante remarked coolly. "A hoverbike, so check your sources!"
"I am so glad that we both have hoverbikes and it is quite comfortable too!" Bayonetta grinned. "That being said, I could do much better than seeing you ride."
"Okay, shut up, let's just get this done." Cassie said.
Everyone sort of one at a time, essentially started their Extreme Gear journey on this wild course and if only if it was that easy, since people were getting used to even using a hoverboard or a
Unlike Pit and Miko, who were blasting off at speed and Dante and Bayo, because they were both used to dealing with crazy stuff on a bike and the start line was...wisely guarded with an audience stand and announcers booth.
"ARRRGGHHH!"
That was Lowain when he got flipped over by a massive pan that was planted on a downwards slope.
Needless to say, he did a backflip and then landed with a backflip on the ground and that wasn't even close to the only epic flail that the cast had.
Nicole essentially worked it like a skateboard, complete with doing a kickflip and somehow landing nearly perfectly and gaining a ton of air.
There's...definitely a lot happening on this course and Tanjiro was not having a good time regardless, speeding through it rather awkwardly and simultaneously having incredible balance that pushed most everyone else out of the way.
Wherever through awareness or through board-pooling with the demon slayer himself.
"Uh, send help!" Tanjiro squeaked out.
He, at least, didn't really wipe out in hilarious fashion...but he did step off the Extreme Gear shaken at the end of the lap and his effects on the other contestants were serious.
Or rather, Pit was spinning in the air like an actual frisbee and so was Terry, who was not having a bad time on the track before being spun out by the speedy demon slayer.
*Terry's confessional*
The blonde fighter was very much tussled, albeit having a giant grin.
"Yeah, it was definitely like a combo of a snowboard and a skateboard! Damn, Marty McFly must have felt like this when he rode that board in the movie!"
*Confessional cut*
Tanjiro just stopped on the finish line, as he took the time to balance himself to ensure that he didn't vomit.
He did.
"Holy shit, he sped on the racetrack! I didn't even know you could do that." Nobara remarked, as Tanjiro got up slowly. "Demon slaying kid, behind you!"
"Oh!"
Tanjiro managed to get up and avoid getting walloped by Miko, who finally had some advantage over everybody by rolling.
"Sorry, I was just gaming hard!" Miko screamed. "I rode this thing like Mario Kart!"
"...What's a Mario Kart?" Tanjiro got up easily and said this with curiosity. "It sounds rather cool."
As a few were actually finished, the rest were struggling on the track, Azula notably much more so than Sokka through a sheer lack of control and the latter and his friends having a good laugh at the almost out-of-character bails that involved her board flying into the woods.
"Wow, you're always up in the rair!" Sokka mocked Azula. "Have you got not enough fire in your heart!"
"I have all the fire that I need!" Azula yelled from the air.
And she dived right into the forest to get back her thing.
Sokka, Heavy and Lowain just pulled up to each other.
"Tough crowd, huh?" Sokka remarked, before riding on his board.
*Azula's confessional*
She was very much pissed, judging the hands that sputtered fire without much problem.
"This is the stage where someone talking casually with other people means something and I doubt Lowain is getting intel. I doubt that he has information, since it is obvious that Sokka has no strategy, so if he loses today, then I won't be worried. Because he will reveal himself to be a traitor or something to that effect."
*Confessional cut*
"Uh, I don't know...one babe's not a crowd, man." Lowain shrugged. "Figuring out this board's a bigger deal."
"No, we got it! Just needs a-"
Sokka then fell off the board.
"-needs some air! I was fine before you said that."
"Move for real, man!"
Lowain then boosted off, somehow with no injury.
*Sokka's confessional*
He was quite fussed.
"I don't think that him spying on Azula is having results, but it is freaking her out and when she's freaked out, she does dumb stuff that would result in getting herself eliminated." He kinda explained. "...In case you want to know."
*Confessional cut*
Sokka angrily was speed riding, as Azula was clear right behind him and honing her skills.
Thanks to quality control, Muscle Man was stuck at the beginning on his hover-bike and he had a lot of time to make up and the Babylon Rogues couldn't stand his one joke.
"Let me guess, it ends with your mom!" Jet mocked. "Your mom's the greatest!"
"No, bro, you don't get it."
Muscle Man's smile never waned.
"You know who else could make a hoverbike look cool?"
"My mom!"
And then Muscle Man sped off at seemingly sonic speed, just as the leaders got themselves finished with the race and he was having a good time riding that bike and seeing the red signs.
"Hi-5, you better not be slacking off too hard-"
Mitch (which was Muscle Man's real name) rode through the flamethrowers with ease.
"-WOOOOO! Finally, a good challenge! I wonder where the heck Dante's at!"
The green man just had to do some cornering, as he was speeding through the course with much more control and smacking a certain someone, as Yumeko finally got the hang of it.
It was the two former teammates against each other.
*Yumeko's confessional*
She had a predatory smile.
"You know as much as Muscle Man think that he has me figured out, I finally know how to use this floating board and he will have some trouble against me! If the same rules applies from that bike challenge, he should be eliminated quickly." She almost gloated, though it was like a proud statement.
*Confessional cut*
Dante and Bayonetta had the expected results of a good fight, as there was only a bunch of people that even got to the finish and they were all watching the spectacle go down.
"My apologies, you're just a bit slow." Bayonetta said, not even intending to bring an insult. "No seriously, you're just slow compared to me, you would-"
"Yeah, I would beat you quite easy! I just held back 'cause grinding on a rail with a bike is real awkward!" Dante shouted with a sorta fake smile.
"That is true. The real race hasn't even started and you're already getting mad."
"No, I'm just incensed by your racing skills! See you in the real race!"
"Okay, I will!"
Dante just walked into his seat, huffing to an not very understanding Pinstripe Potoroo, who just judged him.
"What?"
"What do ya mean what? Calm down, man, don't be confused by the witch." Pinstripe complained. "Do you think she ain't playing you!"
"Really, because I think I'm playing her game really good!"
"Oh really, Dante! Everyone in here either gots some strategy or has got the skills to make it to the final 8! Mostly everyone."
"Don't worry about it, most of the other guys are bad at this challenge!"
Dante and Pinstripe were casually sitting together right before an very angry and somehow clean Azula arrived at the finish line, shooting glares indiscriminately with the two men taking some time to take it easy.
*Pinstripe Potoroo's confessional*
"Imma gonna say that I've been on a hoverboard and that I can prove it and I bet everyone's gonna deny it! But guess what, I really have been on a hoverboard, I mean-"
The potoroo literally jumped down to prove it.
"-I was on it the whole time!"
*Confessional cut*
"Guys, guys, we should really start this challenge because everything's ready and man, there isn't enough pain in this episode-I mean enough action in this episode!" Chris announced.
Back at the appropriately covered finish line that had a laser directly on the starting line, every single one of the campers were hanging on the track and in the bleachers, were the forgotten interns, the Babylon Rogues and hilariously, Deadpool.
Scratch that, it was not hilarious.
"Listen, I'm here to deliver a secret message to-"
Chef shot the guy's teleportation belt with a toothpick and Deadpool hilariously disappeared.
Chef went back to his and Chris' extra protected commentator's booth...along with Deadpool.
"-Aw man, I thought I was going get him that secret message?"
"Trust me, dude, you're even lucky that I didn't kick you out."
Deadpool was a glum man, unusual for the best man (on earth) in the commentator's booth.
"Okay to catch you guys up on what Extreme Gear is! It's kinda like a Snowboard or a bike or some skates that run on...pressurised air to make it go crazy fast! You jump off the giant ramps and do some gnarly tricks to gain back that air and you go to those pump stations to get back air, though everyone's gonna beat you dudes!"
Chris said this with the passion of a confused host.
"Rogues, please explain the rest!"
"Okay, since I'm the leader, I'm gonna tell you shrimps how the shortcut works! Your gloves should show you what kind of shortcut you could take! The speedy guys get to grind like a real boarder, The flight fellas fly though those floating rings and the power fellas beat up rocks. And yeah, all of them get air, but only if you do it good!" Jet smirked. "Like us! By the way, the drift is kinda like Mario Kart and if you release at the right time, you speed off! If not, you stop! So, got it?"
All of the contestants nodded wherever they were a bit unsure or wherever they were plain sure of what they were doing...at least, they understood better than Chris did.
"...Yeah, I got none of that! But you can fight other people on those boards if you really want to win and there's items, just in case you wanted some more fun!
"We weren't having fun, though!" Squirrel Girl shouted. "We were just bailing non-stop!"
"But the words don't-"
Deadpool got bonked.
"Guys, it's a qualifier, doesn't mean you won't be up for elimination if you don't qualify! Just means that you're not safe! Okay..."
Everyone got themselves prepared.
"Ready, Set, GO!"
And were suddenly taken aback by the quick saying.
Pit, Dante, Bayo and Miko were the only ones that did great out of the starting line, as some of the other fellas were only doing decently and the rest were not having a good time.
"No way, how did they speed off like that, bros!" Lowain shouted.
"You focus on not crashing and-"
Terry did end up flipping and recovering within a second.
"-not following my example!"
"Bruh, man!"
Lowain wasn't too focused on the gag moment to figure out that at least ten guys were ahead of him and doing better for no apparent reason.
Other than pure skill and not boosting, so he decided to put in both of those.
*Terry's confessional*
The blonde man was left in wonder.
"In that moment, I was thinking that damn...how did I even recover from that! Not even Bugs or Tom would even survive that! See, street fighting really does work!" He praised the sheer lunacy of that moment.
*Confessional cut*
Azula and Squirrel Girl were having a battle that might not have really existed, but the fact that they were in the same alliance mattered.
"All we have to do is qualify! I don't know what your beef is!"
"Actually nothing, but you are in the way."
Azula shot some fire at Squirrel Girl, who saw the opportunity to randomly fly.
"Okay, then."
Azula knew that she was up to something and wisely chose the chance to speed up further with her board basically being the gauge for when to strategise.
And when to realise that Squirrel Girl might be a problem causer, since she flew through those rings much faster than anyone else really could and Azula had to deal with a weird chicane.
Sure, she was speeding through the transition to the second part of the course on the western side of the flat and slightly lopsided section of this dangerous oval and she could see the random mud slick that was on some sections of the corner.
Her ability to sense any problem didn't matter when Lowain sped through and knocked her slightly off-course.
*Azula's confessional*
The black-haired princess was tired of this shit.
"Lowain, you are now my problem!" Azula stated.
*Lowain's confessional*
"Bros, bros, you ever thought about dying by 14 year old's fire-covered hands! Well I did just now...kind of gnarly ain't it and I thought of not lit ways to die!" Lowain remarked. "A lot, I'm not really a top guy in my world! The world of the sky sea. Now that's lit!"
*Confessional cut*
Speaking of the top 4, they were all extremely close for entirely different reasons as Dante's point of view from the rail showed for him and everybody, them being they were on top of their situation and working through their shortcuts like it was nobody's business.
Dante stood rode that motorcycle like it was going to get shredded and instantly repair itself, even if it was a hoverbike that he flipped back onto the course with.
"Alright, now Dante's getting back into business! Though being 4th doesn't matter that much except when your rival's 3rd, sucks to be him!" Chris announced, as the hunter wasn't pleased to hear that.
"She's what?"
Dante knew that he had to boost right back on the third straightaway that turned into two long u-turns that simulteanously wasted time, but first...
...he kept the style up on the ramps, crouching down to enhance that style.
Hilariously, a notable distance away, Sokka was trying to avoid some mines and avoid losing balance at the same tme.
"You have got to be kidding me!" Sokka shouted, seeing that Cassie Cage was ahead of him. "Come on, you're gonna blow up!"
"I am fine, I'm not going to blow up-"
Cassie got blown up on the ramp and it led to her and the board flying off in different directions.
"Cassie has been DQ'd from the finale race!"
Sokka had a smug look on his face.
"I told you!"
"I know..." Cassie grumbled.
"And so has Tanya in hilarious fashion!"
The child soldier, in the replay, got slipped up in the mud and proceeded to spin seven times before leaving the ground and after leaving, her and her board spun right into a tree and then got slammed into the ground by momentum.
Sokka did a few spins off the ramp and even landed decently, despite doing a tail grab.
"Bro, check this out!" Muscle Man shouted, slowing down just to rub it in his face.
He popped an air wheelie.
"Heh, I'm gonna beat ya!"
"Dude, we're only qualifying!" Sokka shouted.
Muscle Man was already punching rocks and dealing with flames by the time he said that.
*Cassie's soot-covered confessional*
The blonde soldier just wiped herself clean with a random clean cloth.
"Honestly, I'm not really used to being elimination fodder since I have been playing quite strong! And it's not like stopping now wouldn't make it worse, so I'm just gonna do a little thing!" Cassie stated. "Hopefully, it works."
*Confessional cut*
Azula and Lowain may have been in the same alliance as each other and had the same goal of winning the hardest, but their competition couldn't be any hotter even if Nobara had something to say about it with her toy hammer.
Nobara slid right through between the two of them in her Jujutsu high uniform, all dark blue with some stylish goggles and she was just trying to pass through them.
"Watch out!" Nobara declared. "I'm the danger!"
"...You should have been warned."
Azula said this, as she shoved the teen sorceress out of the way.
"Really, I was prepared for this!"
Nobara then ducked to slow down and avoid the inter-alliance walloping, as the weird situation wasn't her problem, but missing a rail was her own problem.
She wisely turned the corner on the inside before being shot with a fireball that literally sent her a bit off-course, but she turned around to get back on track.
"What is up with those two?" Nobara asked.
"I KNOW, RIGHT!"
Tanjiro was holding on for dear life, being covered with more than his fair share of nettles and what not and he was in complete control of the board...being carried along the ground.
Nobara just ignored him, as the demon slayer went face-to-face with a challenge that stumped him...and soon was face-to-face with a quarter-pipe that sent him flying into a...rock.
Or it would, as he got flown off the rock and got to see some sights, right before landing in the mouth of a flytrap that was decently big, though he probably was going to cut his way out.
Nobara made sure to try and hit the corners while watching that Looney Tunes-style action and she was about to get sent through the skies thanks to a-
"WHYYYYY!"
-stray sudden bump in the road.
"Tanjiro and Nobara fly through the air and end up in the same painful, flytrap-covered place! Out of the qualfying round! And so did Terry Bogard, sort of..."
Terry Bogard, famous for not being stuck in a hole in the roof, was in that exact situation thanks to something getting stuck on his board and it was obvious that it wasn't going to get unstuck anytime soon.
He was only on the roof, thank gosh.
"Dudes, help me out! My board has a sticky bomb on it and sure, I really tried to get myself out of here, but...being stuck in the roof doesn't hurt! But I am stuck!" Terry shouted.
"Told you that something funny's gonna happen in a-Oh wait, there's another funny thing happening!"
Terry Bogard wasn't the only former Swordfish out.
Heavy was riding along and punching rocks like it was nobody's business and the big Russian man wasn't intimidated by any obstacles, minus the sheer force of a random oil spill.
Well, random being the key word, as there was a predetermined oil spell that led down a dusty path that had several ramps and a grinning Mikhail.
"Bring it on, American boys!"
"Once again, we're in Canada and yes, he's about to get into a-"
Heavy genuinely ended up in a honey pit.
An actual honey pit.
"-Finally, I get to use that! Also, he's disqualified!"
Terry Bogard, Heavy, Tanjiro, Nobara, Cassie and Tanya have been DQ'd and the laws of the world decided that it wasn't enough for these six to be thrown off their game.
Mostly because Azula eliminated someone by chance and that someone was Yumeko, who genuinely sped off to try and catch up with her and her lack of non-intellectual skills kicked in.
Quite literally too, as she kicked herself into the many bushes that covered the northern straightaway of the racecourse and she just rolled for a whole one hundred metres.
"I can't believe it! I got myself eliminated!" Yumeko shouted in exasperated.
"No, she got DQ'd from the race!" Chris shouted. "Through the bush!"
"Seven people, no make that eight! Look at Nicole's chicanery!" Chef shouted. "Geez, she needed to calm down and look what happened 'cause she ain't calm!"
Nicole pulled her out of some nettles in some serious pain.
"Should've told her!"
The most random set of people made it through and well...
...the top four consisted of the oddly consistent duo of Dante and Bayonetta and the new winners of Pit and Miko, who took a breather and the rest included the suprise qualifiers of Uraraka, Azula and Pinstripe and the not so surprising qualifiers of Sokka, Muscle Man and Mai Shiranui.
Those were the guys that qualified so far.
Reg, Reigen, Sandy, Crimson, Joseph, Squirrel Girl and Scott were all struggling to not fall off their boards or fuck up in some spectacular way and for one, it was really weird.
"Hold up, you should have been here a while ago! What happened to ya!" Mai cheekily cheered at Squirrel Girl.
"Uh, luck, being Canadian and a whole Taliban's worth of bombs being thrown at me! Besides, how did you even get here before me when you were falling-" Squirrel Girl technically explained, hopping off her board.
"I fell a lot and then remembered that I was a ninja or a kunoichi. And the rest was history and Azula almost was." Mai said.
"Cool! Oh, by the way, Reg and Reigen crashed."
*Reg's confessional*
The robot kid wasn't tangled, though definitely worn from the several rolls.
"Okay, so I did bad in another challenge again! How I am supposed to prove to Tails that I'm worthy of making it past these other people, no offence to them, they're all nice!" He said.
*Confessional cut*
Reg and Reigen actually smashed into each other and though the boards were actually fine, the two of them weren't as fine as their ride implied and they were a plain old tangle.
"Goddamn, they finally put some cameras on me!" Joseph had a cheeky smile as he jumped over the crashed duo.
"Hey, that's your loss." Crimson said in a monotone fashion.
"I can't believe you're still a creepy woman!"
Crimson just sped up casually.
"Wow, you're fast!"
These two may have not been taking any shortcuts or have proper understanding of Extreme Gear drifting, but they sure did managed to keep things solid into the final ramp.
Joseph went for some Hamon tricks, further boosting in the air and basically floating right into the finish line and Crimson kept it simple and managed to make it through.
"Okay, so far, Crimson, Joseph, Squirrel Girl, Mai, Uraraka, Sokka, Azula, Lowain, Pinstripe, Muscle Man aka Mitch, Dante, Bayo, Pit and Miko have made it through to the next round! And that might be enough people unless-"
Chris just witnessed something epic in his sight.
"-Sandy smashes Scott with a karate chop! I bet you guys haven't seen that!"
/REPLAY/
Sandy Cheeks were being attacked by Scott's mid-range sword swings and she was quietly trying to read the green shirt kid's attacks, just wanting to qualify for the actual race.
"Hahaha, you're going to get this Sword of Understanding!"
Sandy just chopped the sword and decided to swing at Scott for one reason.
She knew that despite being a gamer, this guy didn't have the best balance in the world and Scott Pilgrim did a awkward swing to almost fall off the board.
Sandy just crouched down to deal with the final ramp, as Scott was swerving all around and crashed into the ramp itself, albeit with a scuffed cheek that he got up from.
/REPLAYED/
"Anyways, that means that Scott Pilgrim, Reg and Reigen are the final players to be disqualified and up for elimination on the campfire!" Chris announced. "Now, you guys need to get prepared for the final race!"
Twenty minutes later, all 15 of the remaining campers were at the starting line with better gear AKA goggles or sunglasses that fit perfectly over their foreheads and with Terry Bogard sitting in the audience pissed, everyone was ready for the race.
"Why are half of the obstacles designed up to blow someone off their own game! Really." Terry aggressively asked.
"Trust me, that's Total Drama for you...you have been on this show too long to be surprised." Nicole deadpanly explained. "Just hope that you don't get eliminated."
"Alright, alright."
"And that I DON'T GET ELIMINATED!"
Chris and Chef were perturbed by Nicole's sudden yelling.
*Reigen's confessional*
He didn't feel excited for his alliance potentially falling apart at light speed.
"This is bad for the alliance! Sandy could actually get eliminated at this very moment and if she gets last place, she will be gone...I assume because I predict that this is like the bike challenge from Total Drama Island's episode, the one with Lindsay realising that she got betrayed! That's a honest prediction from the 21st century's greatest psychic!" He shouted.
*Confessional cut*
"Okay, are you all done shouting about random stuff?!"
Everyone heard the host's demands loud and well and stopped talking at all.
"Good. Today, we're doing the Extreme Gear aka you guys are riding hoverboards and hoverbikes in a three-lap race around Boney Oval, the racetrack created by yours truly! You've probably seen a lot of it and you all like it."
"Duuuude, this is like a murder machine racetrack! Crazy original, moreso just crazy!"
Lowain got ignored.
"Anyways, at the end of the race, first place gets a special prize of giving someone else immunity from the vote, wherever they didn't qualify or wreck themselves during this awesome race or they can take the immunity for themselves for the next challenge! Whoever finishes besides last place is safe from elimination!"
Chris gave space for emphasis.
"Last place just gets elimination, no marshmallows, no wait, no pleading, just sling-yacht'd out of the competition! No pressure! Remember, whoever can't finish can be voted off, whoever's last is gone! No pressure..."
The Babylon Rogues were now very interested in this challenge.
*Wave's confessional*
The swallow with a bandana and tech skills had some words to say.
"Believe it or not, I do not really like Total Drama that much! Mostly down to the sheer overdramatization coming from either the teens or the sadistic challenges, mostly in the later season! That being Chris is an incredible host for somehow working 128 people into a season and not having it collapse due to the sheer density of the contestants!"
Her scowl never left.
"Hopefully, not in the brain. The 26 that are here are half strong contestants, some decent players and a decent amount of shrimps. Like Reg."
*Pinstripe's confessional*
The potoroo was mad.
"I'm not gonna get eliminated because of my fuckin' board or my lack of skills! I'm gonna take this for the long haul, lest Muscle Man embarrass me!" He declared, the weasel-ish man scowling at the camera.
*Confessional cut*
Sandy was the last one from the Boomerang Crew. (Deadpool stop putting names on there)
Azula, Yumeko, Bayonetta and Nicole all retained their alliance status.
Sokka, Lowain, Terry and Joseph mostly chilled together in the front.
Miko, Pit, Pinstripe and Squirrel Girl were ready to adapt to the course.
And finally, Crimson and Muscle Man hoped that they weren't eliminated for being on the same team temporarily.
Either way, it was going to be one of the races of all time.
To be continued in the final part of the poorly disguised Sonic Riders homage, complete with the auto-elimination and two other eliminations from the people that suck with hoverboards and hoverbikes that didn't finish.
Even if this course is practically fail-bait for most of the less good campers in here and Chris is only here to make it moreso!