A/N — this is the end of the first installment. Part 2 will be posted later this week or early next week. xoxo — kals\
x
Chapter 4
x
Danny felt a sense of deja vu as he stared at the blank screen, waiting for Kara to appear. How many times over the past six months had he done this? Worked his entire day around Kara's in an effort to take to his wife for five minutes without interruption? Molars grinding, Danny reminded himself that this was Kara's job, Kara's life.
Their life.
He knew that. He chose that. But today, today knowing that Kara would be here if she could wasn't enough. Because he needed her right now, needed her in a way that he hadn't since the early days of the pandemic - back when he had been hit by the triple whammy of learning about the virus, watching helplessly as Frankie killed himself, and then lost Berchem and Smith. Kara was the only one who might understand.
Coach Dowler had tried, presumably tipped off by Scott. After lunch at a recently opened sandwich shop, the conversation focusing on topics no heavier than the recently reconstituted Red Sox, Coach Dowler had asked Danny to come to his office at the school. Walking into the familiar surroundings, Danny had been swamped by memories of his brother. Coming by Coach Dowler's office with Zack to get suggestions on class schedules or ask for help with math.
Always together.
But, even worse, was the realization that Chloe should have been here, at this school, just like her father.
"Zack did what every single one of us thought about doing, Danny. What I would have done if I were in his shoes."
Coach Dowler words caught Danny by surprise, too caught up in the memories, his mental walls too weak to withstand such a direct attack. Jolted, he tried to regroup, but it was too late. The blunt statement hitting him almost as badly as Jasper's had, back at the site.
What I would have done if I were in his shoes.
The words rolled around and around in Danny's head, forcing him to consider, over and over again, what he would have done were he in Zack's position. If, instead of Mandy, Kara was the one on her deathbed. If, instead of Evie and Chloe, Danny was faced with the possibility of dying and leaving Frankie alone.
Would Danny have done what Zack did?
Once again, an image of himself, approaching Frankie's bed with his pistol in hand raced through Danny's mind. The vision sent a chill down his spine, far too real, no matter how Danny told himself that he would never do what Zack had done.
Because if Zack could be driven to kill his own children, couldn't they all?
A sharp rap on the door startled Danny, and he abruptly noticed that another fifteen minutes had passed without him realizing it - and without Kara calling. Vague unease rose as Danny moved towards the door to see who was there. Kara rarely kept him waiting for this long unless something had gone wrong, usually asking Burk or Nishioka to pass along the message that Captain Green is currently unavailable so that he wouldn't worry about her.
Scowling at the thought of what could have made his typically punctual wife both not appear and fail to send a messenger, Danny yanked open the door to find Jasper on the other side. The other man's eyes widened as he took in Danny's face, and he took a half step back before visibly catching himself. Jasper took a deep breath, the fingers of his left hand rubbing against his thumb. A chuckle escaped as Danny recalled how Jasper used to do that in high school, the constant movement driving Danny crazy.
Jasper's face eased into a puzzled frown. "What?"
"That thing you're doing with your hand, it reminded me of the time that we overturned the Bunsen burner and set the table on fire," Danny explained, mildly surprised to find that the memory didn't instantly change into one of Zack, as happened earlier with Coach Dowler. Perhaps because, as far as Danny could recall, Zack and Jasper's paths barely crossed. The only interaction Danny had with recalled was Zack laughing hysterically as Danny bitched about Jasper, often mimicking the very hand motion that Jasper had just been doing.
Jasper's gaze dropped to his hand, then went back to Danny's. Again, he took a deep breath. "I did recognize you. Back at the pit. I pretended that I didn't initially because..." Jasper paused. "Because most people don't remember me and it's easier that way."
Of all the things that Danny was expecting to hear, that wasn't it. He took a step back, gesturing to the inside of the hotel room. "Do you want to come in? I have," Danny thought about what was in the small refrigerator, "beer and some sweet tea that I picked up two days ago in Georgia."
"Just water," Jasper said, although he did follow Danny into the room. "I have more work to do tonight."
Danny lifted a cup, determining that it was clean enough, before filling it with tap water. "I wasn't going to come claim their bodies. I figured that dead is dead. Kind of wishing that I stuck to my guns."
This time Jasper chuckled, but the sound lacked any joy. "You said that, originally when we asked you to support the excavation. I wish I had listened. I thought that it was important for people to know what happened. But I, we, none of us knew that we were opening Pandora's Box."
Danny thought about that. Recalling what Scott said about Jasper's past life, he ventured a guess. "Scott mentioned that you were working on plague graves when things got hot?"
"Scott?" Jasper queried, before nodding. "Oh, Officer Alexander. Yes, I'm an archaeologist. I was working on an excavation in Strasbourg when the virus hit. That's why I was asked to head the project."
"Strasbourg, France?" That was something of a surprise. "Were you close enough to be in the fallout zone?"
"I wasn't there," Jasper explained, his left hand fiddling again. Danny didn't point it out this time. "Do you remember Maya Petasis?"
The name was vaguely familiar but, "No."
"She was friends with my sister," Jasper explained. Danny frowned, not recalling... "Angie died when I was twelve, that's why I missed so much school that year. I almost had to repeat."
Danny remembered none of that. How could he have missed the fact that Jasper has a sister who died? Before today, Danny would have said that he knew everything about everyone in this town. But, apparently, he had been too busy trying out for soccer to notice Jasper's disappearance. "I'm sorry."
"Better she died then, I guess." Jasper shrugged, and Danny wondered how many times he had been told that. Better than the virus... Maybe Jasper even believed it. Danny certainly wondered, at times, whether it was a blessing that Berchem died before learning that his ex-wife and daughter were both gone. "I was at Ramstein waiting for evacuation back to the States and Maya recognized my name. She got me on one of the last transports before the borders shut completely. She didn't make it," Jasper added before Danny could ask.
Nodding, uncertain what to say, Danny allowed silence to fall. Surprisingly, Jasper broke it. "That's all I wanted to say. I did recognize you. I'm sorry if that made things weird for you. Weirder, anyway."
Out of everything Jasper had said that day, pretending not to know Danny was the one thing that made absolute sense in Danny's mind.
"I get it. Sometimes I pretend I know nothing about the Nathan James." Danny hesitated. "Were there many ... cases like with Zack? People sent to trailer 5?"
Jasper was quiet for so long that Danny didn't think he was going to answer, the man's agitation evident from the way his finger motion increased in speed. Finally, he nodded sharply. "Yes. Your brother was hardly alone. I didn't anticipate that."
What would I have done if I were here?
Once again, the question burrowed its way into Danny's mind. Forcing him to put himself into Zack's shoes, faced with the unimaginable, no hope on the horizon...
His thoughts were interrupted by the whirl of his computer. Without checking, Danny opened the connection. "Sorry, Leger, that's my wife and..." Eyes finally dropping to the screen, Danny saw Debbie, eyes wide, face pale, and the world froze. Frankie or Kara? "Debbie, what..."
"They're okay, we're okay," Debbie rushed to say. "But Frankie fell. He broke his arm and hit his head. He's been unconscious since. Doctor Rios said that initial testing looks okay but he wants you and Kara back as soon as possible. Kara is on hold to talk to Mike so I said that I would call you."
"I'll be on my way in ten minutes," Danny replied, barely waiting for Debbie to respond before he hug up and began throwing clothes into bags. Recalling why he was there, Danny glanced at Jasper. "I'll have to get the remains transported to Florida later. Do I coordinate that through Scott?"
"Yes." Jasper rose, then hesitated. "Is Frankie your little boy?"
"Yes. He's four," Danny explained absently. While Frankie wasn't a state secret, Danny and Kara did make a point of trying to keep him out of the limelight after what happened to the Chandler children in St. Louis. Nobody wanted a repeat of that situation.
"I hope that he's okay," Jasper offered.
"Thanks." Having finished throwing his possessions into his duffle, Danny followed Jasper out the door, a gut-wrenching fear settling in the pit of his stomach as he thought about Frankie in a hospital bed, unconscious, without either of his parents there to take care of him.
Was this how Zack felt?
Did he imagine his daughters in pain and alone?
But instead of being surrounded by their grandmother and medical professionals that they had known since birth, did Zack imagine his daughters alone?
Was that why he did what he did?
Shaking away the thought, Danny nodded his goodbye to Jasper and headed to the hotel office to return his key and settle the bill.
He would never hurt his son.
No matter what Coach Dowler or Scott or Jasper said, Danny would never hurt his son.
Never.