It's morning.

She has no idea how early in the morning it is, and although being a morning person is part of her routine, Kate has been very tired these days. The two weeks off work was partly because of that. Because she needs to breathe outside the precinct for more than a few hours. The complementary part was exclusively because of Jim Beckett, her father.

They meet regularly on the weekends, but on the last anniversary of her mother's death a few months ago, they shared a memory about a special tradition Johannah created when Kate was just a baby and and they used to do it ever since.

That it would already be the sixth year without following the tradition, because it is the sixth year since her mother passed away.

And that's okay, because the truth is that even good memories hurt excruciatingly when the cut is fresh. And there has been so much since that time. Kate remembers that her father was always, at all times, without exception; holding a bottle. The dark times that followed were absurdly hopeless. Kate was sure she had lost her father and herself in the grieving process after losing her mother. A whole family destroyed, huh? Tragically poetic.

It turns out that, little by little and gradually, things began to have some balance. There were a lot of fights, a lot of trips to the hospital, but Jim decided that spending some time in rehab was the right step, and that must have been exactly where Kate started. She remembers meeting Javier back then and getting into the police academy in the aftermath. So maybe not everything was destroyed after all, she thought to herself.

The longing for justice began to move her. She'd watched her parents do it her whole life, and then suddenly she wanted it for them and for herself.

What happens is that every year, at this particular time, she and her mother and father would go to the family cabin up north and take their own time away from work, school, and anything in the outside world to just enjoy a each other's company. They had their own fun, challenging, and critical inventions to experience each year. It would never be like it was when her mother was here, but she and her father decided to do it again, mainly because they needed to feel a little more of her.

Over time, it seems more and more difficult to feel connected with those who are no longer here. The idea of that hurts deeply.

Kate took the first two days to clean her own house, change the dripping faucet, do the laundry, read the book Kerry Washington released and going to sleep at dawn watching Sex and The City.

On the third, well, she went to buy groceries to take back to her days in the country with her dad, it's just that, in the aisle where the peanut butter was, she bumped into someone. Royce. He smiled, hugged her and made a comment that sounded a lot like flirtation.

And as if being stunned by the return of her former instructor (and crush) wasn't enough, her father chose to disappear. He's an adult, and sure, something might have come up, but that's not who Jim Beckett is. He calls. He doesn't make an appointment with you and walk away like that, without warning. He doesn't disappear.

She called. She went to the office, she went to his house, and she just–

He was not there.

He should be somewhere, shouldn't he?

Admitting it out loud is beyond her ability, but in the first few hours, she despaired. In herself, she imagined hundreds of hypotheses of what could have happened, and none of them had a very different ending. It was basically different ways she could find her father dead, like when it was with her mom. She didn't show it, though. Kate put on all that nonchalance in her expression, in her body posture, she just pretended that everything was going to be all right.

She was crossing the street when she heard her shadow's familiar voice call out to her. And she just-

She needed to get away.

The whole feeling of being emotionally overwhelmed seems to have been so strong lately.

As she walked home because she needed to think and walking felt good, she found Jim.

He was holding an on-the-rocks with what she was pretty sure was whiskey. Her father had always been a whiskey guy.

And then everything was too much.

She didn't go after him. She didn't confront him or anything. She was just knocked down by it all. For her body to mentally prepare itself to feel the pain of losing another parent, for finding someone from the past that she had yearned for for months, for reliving even for a moment the months after her mother's death, when her father only lived of Johnnie Walker bottles.

Kate is not stupid. She knows her father drinks sometimes. It's not like he has chronic alcoholism, he doesn't. He was always good at drinking and always knew his limit, the only exception being when drinking was the only comfort in dealing with the fact that Johannah was never coming back. It's just that being there when it happened, she couldn't help but be transported back to the time when they had all been destroyed and she thought they would never have a chance again.

And has Rick.

Why is he so stubborn? Why does he keep going after her and asking questions?

Kate looks at her phone, it's before 10am and she hasn't even had coffee to deal with so much.

Even though she blacked out about an hour after Rick left last night, Kate doesn't feel the least bit rested.

Her body feels heavy, and her head hurts.

Eventually, she gets up. She pees, brushes her teeth and makes a mug of coffee.

All this somehow seems too much.

Things were coming to a relatively normal point now. She hadn't seen her father touch a bottle in years and Will had been gone for months now, and she took it all in stride. Kate didn't know about Royce either, but that was all right.

But now he's here, and she adores him, but she doesn't need the unresolved feelings he brings with him.

And the icing on the cake to complement the chaos she feels, is her favorite writer's invasion of her life, her work, and well, he seems very intent on reaching her heart as well.

She doesn't go there.

This is something far ahead. Castle is fun and flirtatious and clearly wants her, but this is... she doesn't know what this is. Perhaps it would be wiser if she didn't even try to find out.

The iPhone notification tells her she has a new message, but she resists checking it just in case it's him.

Someone knocks on the door and she wishes with all her heart that it wasn't her father or anyone else. Maybe Lanie. It would be cool if it was Lanie. Who knows Maddie?

Of course it isn't.

Of course it's Richard Castle, ridiculously well dressed and holding a bouquet of lush, beautiful pink peonies.

She should say something, shouldn't she?

"Good morning, Kate." She hears him say. Not Beckett, simply Kate. Her throat tightens a little.

"Hey. Uh- what are you doing here?"

He looks embarrassed. He scratches his throat.

"I kind of didn't like how things were suddenly cut short. We haven't finished talking and we haven't finished the..."

The kiss.

She knows. She thought about it too.

"Yes. I understand what you mean.But what about the girls? The guy who got into an accident?"

"Alexis and Paige are binge-watching Star Wars, Louise went to see her brother in the hospital. He had surgery on his leg, but he's fine."

"Good." Kate says. "That is good."

"Yes it is." Rick agrees. "These are for you." He holds out the bouquet to her.

She holds her breath. "Rick, I… I don't think this is a good idea."

"The flowers?"

"Us."

"Yeah, you kind of made that clear with the whole not letting me take you out to dinner thing." The humor doesn't cover his slightly shaky voice.

"But in the end you did." Kate points.

"No, you took me. I didn't know the place. You paid for it."

"Right. But I went to your house. I met your family."

"Is that about it then?"

"No. No. It's not that. I just don't think it's a good idea to mix things up. You admire me in my work, I admire you in yours. Can we just work together and not mix things up?"

She gets to see firsthand how it deflates. The rejection building in him. Obscuring that illuminated blue iris.

"May I ask why?"

She waves her empty hands, feeling like a horrible person. "I just can't."

Rick nods. "Get the flowers anyway. Thanks for the company yesterday, it was nice having ice cream with you."

Extremely shy and hating herself, she picks the flowers. The shadow of a smile appears on her lips.

"Thanks, Rick. That's… really sweet."

He smiles too. It's a melancholy smile.

"Have a nice day, Beckett."

Beckett. We return to Beckett. No Kate.

Gina is in front of him. Her mouth is moving, he can see it.

The problem, however, is that he can't hear anything she's saying. The sense of things is lost because he can only keep going over what an idiot he is for thinking Kate was reconsidering.

But the kiss thing, it wasn't just him, was it?

He saw her expression. The way she surrendered to his touch, the way she leaned in when he pulled her close, the way she closed her eyes when he went to kiss her. Rick didn't imagine that. He can't have.

That would be too much. Imagining that and assuming how she felt, that would be…wrong.

"Rick, are you here?" He is pulled out of his uncomfortable and rather bitter bubble when the blonde figure in front of him snaps her fingers in front of his eyes. "Did you hear anything I said?" Ginny adds the follow-up question, and snorts.

"Something about me being responsible and finishing the Wilder Saga?" Her response is interrogative in tone, but what else could she say?

"Richard, this is serious. Black Pawn has invested in these books. If you don't publish them, in addition to demanding their money back, someone will go downhill as a writer."

Rick tries to put on his best horrified expression, but he knows that's not going to happen. He's working on it. As it turned out, the two weeks Kate decided to take off work came in handy for him.

Only if it's been three days, and he's got something. He is far from finished but he has 11 days to shape what came to his mind.

"You'll have the manuscript on your desk soon, Gina."

"I hope so."

He ignores her tone, and heads home. He writes. Nothing like a painful rejection to make you work on something that was in the background.

When Alexis gets home, and he realizes he's been writing all afternoon, he knows he's on the right track.

"Hey Dad." She appears at the door. Redhead, beautiful and tired.

"Hi Pumpkin." He smiles at her. "How was your day?"

"It was pretty normal actually." Alexis counts. "And James is fine, which is great."

Rick nods. "Do you want to go out to dinner tonight?"

Alexis seems to think. "I want to cook, actually. I'm in the mood for that white sauce pasta you taught me. You're writing, right?" She doesn't expect him to respond. "It's not good to take inspiration from the writer."

He smiles when she leaves, but keeps typing. In fact, Rick spends the next four days with the same routine. He gets up, drinks coffee and goes to write. He exchanges a conversation or two with Alexis and her mother now and then, but his focus doesn't leave the laptop screen.

On Friday around 10 pm, Rick is playing the murder crossword while relaxing in the bathtub. He smelled like someone who hadn't showered in days.

The device in his hand vibrates and he nearly drops it into the tub in a shuddering fit of surprise.

It's her. It's Beckett.

He knew he should think before answering, but he doesn't.

"Hello."

"Castle. Hey." Her voice sounds a little watery. "Am I interrupting some Friday night plans?"

Rick almost smiles at the reference to the last time he called her.

"No. Nothing of the sort." He gives it to her. "So, you revoked the last week of vacation? It's a body? Is that why you're calling me?"

There's a sound from the other end. A breathing sound, like a sigh. Like she's upset and he's got it all wrong, but she's not going to do anything to make him understand what really is.

It only takes a few more seconds. "No. I still have my last week." Kate clarifies. She takes a few more moments before adding anything. "That's what I wanted to talk about, actually."

"Oh?" He sounds surprised, because he's surprised.

"Yes. I- uh... I'm going to be away at my dad's cabin for a few days and I would, uhm, really appreciate your company, if you can. And you want to, of course."

Rick cannot describe precisely how this surprises him. She says she thinks they're not a good idea, and shouldn't mix the co-worker thing with anything else, but here's the same person who said that asking for company for practically a week. There won't be anyone else on this trip, right? Otherwise, she wouldn't be calling him.

It's just that these sound a lot like mixed signals.

It's not a good idea, but she's still calling you to a secluded place where it's likely just the two of you?

Couples do this to take time out from the world. They are not a couple. Not one in a loving relationship anyway.

He must be silent for a long time because she interprets this as a negative response.

"Rick, you obviously don't have to." Kate sounds unsure. "It was a stupid idea anyway. You have Alexis, and you need to take care of her and here I am acting like-"

"No." He stops her from continuing. "I mean, how many days are we talking about? Because I booked a father-daughter day with Alexis before dropping her off at JFK Friday at 6 pm. She's going to California to stay with her mother for a few days."

"Oh," Her surprise is evident as she processes what has been said. "Well, if we leave early, you'll be delivered Friday before lunch, sounds good to you?"

"Sounds perfect, Beckett." Rick responds. He knows he shouldn't, but for some reason, saying no to Kate Beckett seems out of her league.

"Okay. I'm leaving early tomorrow because the place definitely needs to be cleaned, you know, dusted off, sheets changed... things like that. I've already done some shopping, so you just need to take a suitcase with your clothes. At 07:00 , works for you?"

"Sounds like you've thought of everything." He speaks to her. "Listen, Beckett, I'm finishing a book so I need to write too. Mind if I bring my laptop and you keep me company while I write?"

"That sounds great, Castle." He's not seeing her, but it looks a lot like she's smiling on the other end of the line.

"Good." So is he. "Now go. You're interrupting my Friday night plans."

She laughs then. He loves her laugh.

"Okay. Good night."

"See you tomorrow."

When the call ends, he's still smiling. He tries a few more murder words at the crossword, but he's too excited to concentrate.

He gets out of the tub, and gets dressed and makes sure Alexis is fine with him leaving for a week. She encourages him and even thanks him for not having distractions this week of tests at school.

Only then does he begin to pack his bags, totally ignoring the voice of reason and also Beckett's repetition of her voice in memory of her, which resounded all week in an 'I just can't'.

There's a good 40 minutes left before 7:00.

Rick is in the kitchen, already dressed and eager, making himself a cup of coffee, which is ready just in time to watch his mother walk in the front on her usual walk of shame.

He tries not to think about it too much.

"Oh, someone is already ready, I see." Martha says, joining him in the kitchen. "Anxious, aren't we?"

He arches his eyebrows. "That's your way of fishing what's going on, isn't it?"

Martha shrugs, she smiles as if she's been caught in the act, and then waits patiently for his response.

"If it's any comfort I'm just as in the dark as you are," Rick confesses, a sip of hot coffee warming his throat.

"What is it that you don't understand, kiddo?"

"Everything, I guess." He pulls up a chair and sits down. "She said it wasn't a good idea, Mom, both of us. And I'm dealing with it, but then a few days pass and I'm the perfect person to spend a whole week with her at Dad's cabin. I mean, I am taking it too seriously? It's just company, isn't it? Co-workers can do that."

In a rare and genuine way, Martha smiles at him, as if in recognition.

"There's a lot about her that you find attractive, Richard, but you don't know her, not really." With a pause, she continues. "There's so much that you don't know about. That maybe makes being relationship-ready and emotionally available difficult, but you're not seeing things where not exist. Be patient, things will make sense eventually."

"But what if-"

"If she hurts you, you will have tried. Despite her misgivings, it's not like she's going to give up going now. I know she won't."

Her mother is right, he is not. "Okay. Thanks, Mom."

She nods. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get my beauty sleep. I didn't get much sleep last night." Rick grimaces at the implication of the phrase. "Enjoy your ride with Beckett, darling. Don't do anything I wouldn't do." And then Martha Rodgers is already up the stairs and out of sight.

It's only a few more minutes and Alexis is the one who appears.

"Hey Dad. Looking forward to seeing Detective Beckett?" His daughter arches her eyebrows in a way that suggests he has second thoughts about this.

He smiled. "Enough doubting my intentions with Beckett, pumpkin. We're partners, friends almost, I guess."

"Yes, of course. Because it's super natural for friends of the opposite sex to take trips to faraway places where it's just the two of them."

Rick narrows his eyes.

"You're saying that if James asked you to go on a summer vacation tour you'd say no?"

He gets to see firsthand his daughter's cheeks turning red. "As it turns out, James and I don't work together, I don't go around saying we're friends. And there's a high chance you won't let me go on that tour."

"Point taken." When analyzing what was said, he needs to agree with her. "But my point is, Beckett and I are trying to find comfort in this unconventional partnership of ours, and that's not necessarily a romantic relationship, okay?"

Alexis is the one who seems to be analyzing the situation now.

"Right." She says. "But dad?"

"Hmm?"

"It wouldn't be so bad if it was a romantic relationship, would it?"

He is silent as he watches her go get a book or something. But he can't let himself whisper to himself.

"No, Pumpkin. It wouldn't be so bad."

The drive to wherever Beckett is taking him is peaceful enough once they leave Manhattan. She's a good driver, and although he already knows it, it's different somehow being in the passenger seat watching her when don't have any crimes to solve and his head isn't full of theories. This time, in his head there is only her.

Beautiful and adorably nervous for some reason.

One Direction is playing on the radio and they've been silent for quite some time now.

"Are you going to say what's on your mind or are you just going to face it?"

"I'm comfortable just looking at you, Beckett. Thank you."

She shakes her head and smiles.

"And Alexis?"

"What about Alexis?"

"The thing about dating Louise's brother. Is it for real?"

Rick thinks for a moment and shrugs. "She likes him, but I don't know if it's reciprocated or if she's going to do anything about it." And then adds. "But I hope not. I'm not ready to see my little girl dating."

"Oh, I don't know, Castle. I bet at her age you already had your first girlfriend."

"The third, actually. But don't tell her that."

Kate laughs, but raises her eyebrows. "Third, huh?"

He nods. "Yes. Jane McCartney. I was in love and spent almost two months trying to work up the courage to tell her." Rick counts, quite immersed in memory.

"What happened? Did you tell?"

"Oh no. I didn't have to. I did her literature essay, making allusions to Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility because they were her favorite books. Turns out when I went to deliver it and ask her out, she kissed her best friend on my front and said he loved her casually, like they did that all the time."

It's funny to see the surprise grow on Kate's face.

"So she was a lesbian?"

"Bisexual. Not that I knew it at the time. I gave up completely, so I dated two girls in a very short period of time only to date her as soon as she became available and hit on me."

Kate laughs, but doesn't seem surprised by this.

"Wow, Castle."

"What? Not what you expected?" He arches his eyebrows.

"Actually I expected something like that."

"Okay, but what about you?"

"What? How many boys have I dated at that age?"

He blinks and looks at her with shining eyes searching for the answer.

"Only one actually. I didn't like it very much, it just seemed convenient I guess." Kate shrugs. "We met in the school library, he had an introductory law book I was looking for."

And then Rick's blue eyes shine even brighter.

"Little Beckett wanted to follow this area for a long time then, didn't she?"

Kate blinks. "Uh, yeah." She admits. "It was cool dating him anyway. He was good looking and quite attractive, I just… I don't know. I didn't like him."

Rick is silent for a moment. "How long were you guys dating?"

"About six months."

"Why did you break up?"

"I wasn't a very interested girlfriend in his life. He's found someone better, I guess." She shrugs.

After taking a dirt road and going for another 40 minutes, Rick finally sees the silhouette of a cottage median a few meters away. There are trees all around, oaks and pines mainly, but he can also find a small clump of poplars and birches if he pays attention.

When they reach the place, Rick moves his attention to the entire scene, and pays attention to the details that tell the most about Kate Beckett without him even looking at her.

Kate smiles at how delighted he looks.

"I felt exactly like this every time I've come here since I was a little girl."

"Felt?" He notices the use of the past tense, because how could he miss it?

She doesn't elaborate. She just says a simple: "Yeah."

So he changes the question. "How often did you come over?"

"About once a year. Sometimes twice." Kate shrugs. "Come on, let's go inside. I'll show you around the house and then we'll clean up."

The next 20 minutes is a tour of one of Kate Beckett's childhood homes. He asks a lot of questions, some she answers, others she just arches her eyebrow and he backs away. The place is well decorated, hand-picked and tastefully decorated, but also some unusual ones that seem to have stories behind them. It's pretty cozy too. In fact, there's an armchair in the living room by the fireplace that he can imagine himself completely comfortable in as he writes more of what he needs to deliver to Gina.

His publisher's name makes him grimace. Anyway, they do a good job as a team, she changes the sheets and pillowcases on the beds, while he dusts the furniture downstairs, eventually dropping a thing or two, and some misplaced.

"Hey Rick" He hears her coming down the stairs. "What are you in the mood for? I'm starving, I thought we could– uh, what are you doing?"

"Just admiring mini Kate." Picture frame in hand, He keeps his gaze on Kate Beckett's much smaller figure. "Wow, you were always spectacularly beautiful, weren't you?" There is a pause, then he adds more. "Is that your mother next to you? I can see where your beauty came from. She's stunning, Kate."

"She was." I left without even thinking.

"What?"

"She was, Rick. Mom was stunning." She says more properly now. Arms crossed in front of her breasts, a bit of a lump in her throat and body language a little more defensive now that he really paid attention.

"Oh- Kate. I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

She nods, a sad smile. "Fine. I never told you anyway. You had no way of knowing." Then she starts walking again, towards the kitchen this time. "You coming?"

It takes a moment, but then he's in the kitchen with her.

He wants to ask, but he doesn't want her to feel like he has to share anything if she doesn't want to.

She's getting a bowl out, setting out some pots and pans to use, and he's just standing there, watching as she does it.

"You can ask, you know." Kate says eventually. "You've been asking questions all morning."

"Not this way." He feels he needs to defend himself.

"I know." She confirms. "I know, just, if something makes me uncomfortable I'll let you know, okay?"

He nods, then walks over and starts picking up the ingredients she's also set aside for what they'll be making for lunch. "What happened?"

She turns her back, she's just washing some food, but he can feel how tense she is.

"Stabs. Lots of stabs, in an alley." Her voice sounds vulnerable, a far cry from the Kate he's used to seeing work. "The police attributed it to gang violence."

His heart aches for her.

In fact, he feels an almost compulsive instinct to hug her, but he holds back. "I'm sorry, Kate."

"I had just come from Stanford, you know? I was visiting. We were going out to dinner and she didn't show up."

It's implied there. But he understands. She's saying that was her main motivation for joining the force and why it felt so right when everything else didn't.

It's weird. Because they've had an engaging conversation before. He has already told many things about himself, about his daughter, and Kate has always been much more reserved. But she is telling him now.

He feels lucky.

That she thought him trustworthy enough to open up like that in spite of herself.

"Can you cut this for me? Make the salad I prepare everything else." she asks, breaking his pensive bubble.

"Always bossy, aren't you, Beckett?"

His tone makes her smile.

He does what she asks.

He still has questions, but he is not going to throw everything at her like that. At this moment he is just grateful.

She thinks it's not a good idea, and that she can't, and that they shouldn't get involved, but she invited him here and she's giving him a chance to get to know her more, so even though it all sounds confusing and controversial she is trying because she wants it too.

He can only be grateful.

"Thanks for telling me, Kate."

For some reason, he thinks that even if she broke his heart, he wouldn't mind one bit.