"It is what it is"

A conclusion I arrived to after the fifth holy grail war. The past me wouldn't believe the decision I made at that war. Charging into the grail war with less preparation than I would've liked, less power than I used to have, less cards in my hand I can play, fighting a foe far stronger than me. What's more, I was charging to destroy the grail, not obtaining it. I was charging into a war to abandon my biggest wish and abandoning the kingdom I wanted to save.

Emiya Shirou, my master in this war, also the son of the magus who betrayed me in the fourth holy grail war. He dreams of becoming heroes and saving every people he sees, a dream I can respect. He was unskilled, as a magus and a fighter, our connection was imperfect at best, he can't provide enough magical energy for me to operate optimally nor he can give a decent assist in the battle situation like my previous master due to his inexperience. He doesn't even know what the holy grail war is when he summoned me.

He was not in any way an ideal master, but he is a person I can respect in equal standing as a human. His spirit and will are unwavering, in a face of adversity where a single misstep and oversight could spell death, he was still pushing through despite being reckless at times… most of the time, he trained in sword and magecraft in such a short time to offer even the tiniest help in a fight, he was ready to even sacrifice himself to help people. He was full of flaw, but I would be lying if I said he hasn't grown on me, I liked that he was selfless although it was over the line sometimes, I like his kindness, I like his righteousness, I like the food he makes, I like that he accepted me even when I pushed him away. He said he loves me, there was no lies in his words, he was truly holding an affection for me, he makes me experience feelings I have never experienced before. A pity, I can't realise that in time and only when I was about to go, I replied to his feeling.

"Shirou, I love you."

It was more of a good bye than a reciprocation of love it sounded to be. A rather cruel one at that, counting that another chance for seeing each other was nearly impossible only a miracle can solve. But I hold my hope, for a possibility of another chance to reunite with him, so I will wait for him in this place until the chance come by, when I can meet him again and pour him the words that I wanted to say to him, the feelings I held for decades, for centuries, for millennia in this unreachable place.

Day by day, month by month, year by year went by… all of it was as fleeting as the breeze, it was all easily going as I dreamt of the time that I spent with him in the past and the possible future full of fantasy I imagined with him.

A once proud and prideful king was reduced to a lovestruck girl that rolls on the endless carpet of grass in reaction of her own wild fantasy with her lover separated by thousand of years in between.

I couldn't imagine any of the knights in the round table seeing me in this state, I would immediately die of embarrassment. But I can't stop either, there was no one I could talk about my fantasy, merlin in the distant tower or flower was out of option, God forbid merlin to know of what going through my mind. He can see me in my shameful appearance of rolling in the grass but he will never know what is in my mind, I will fight him with tooth and nail to not let him knows.

I already waiting for a millennium or two and I'm ready to wait some more for the chance, but fate have another plan for me. I was given a second chance at life, it was for no reason or so I thought, before I depart from Avalon, Merlin said to me…

"There is no such a thing as pointless when you talk about fate, My King. Everything has a reason good or bad, maybe… this event I didn't foresee… will bring you closer to the person that made you rolls in the hills for years."

It was annoying that he can read me that much even though I never told him anything, just by watching me from his tower. But his words have a point and for that I thank him, for every mischief and indecency he does, he was reliable when he needed to and I trust him.

A short farewell and I was booted out of Avalon and reincarnated back on earth.

Whether it was a coincidence or not, I retain my name from my previous life and even my looks. In this earth, my bloodline lives on till the modern times and even still considered a noble family, even though nobles in modern times are a bit different to what I was accustomed to. The King Arthur in this world was confirmed a male by the family tree documented in my family library, it was an interesting found about this world version of me.

It is a same earth, yet a lot different than what I remember, for one, with the help of this thing called internet, I could see the map of the whole world, I used it to search for Fuyuki but I found no such place in this world. It was a blow to the gut for me, since the chance of him to exist in this world will also greatly diminish if his place of birth does not exist.

I was greatly disappointed by the turn of events and was ready to just live my second life fleetingly until it ends while pursuing the occupation in archaeology to keep myself busy and feeding my curiosity of this strange version of my home world. But I was proved wrong when I stumble upon a news from the land of rising sun about a young archer prodigy, red hair with golden eyes and face I would never forget.

With words my friends will consider as corny, I was over the moon with joy, I can't even believe I will react this passionately to the news of him. But I cried that night… once again he broke my composure.

0o0o0

It was three years after when I managed to get a scholarship to continue my college in Japan. I could have just asked my family to enrol me there, they have the power to do so, but it was never my way to solve things and I have a part of to have something to show off to him when I meet him again. It came from the childish desire to get a praise from him, but surely, I am allowed to be selfish at least this much, right?

After arriving to Japan along with my belongings, I quickly finished the moving procedure to the rented apartment I will live in from now on. When it was done, I went to find him, it was oddly easy to found where he is since it was available publicly online, for some reason… wouldn't it be dangerous like this? Though it was only where his school was but… it was like this to for every school athlete so it was probably fine.

Finding his house was even easier, with him seemingly still being the same overly helpful and kind person I remember, he was pretty popular in the neighbourhood among the parent and the elderly. Hearing him being talked about in a good light like that makes me happy, I really wanted to meet him soon and embrace him tight, I really missed his warmth. I wanted to say, "I love you", to him and hear him reply, "I love you too, Saber", and I could probably hug him some more?

Hush! My imagination wandered away again.

Being in Avalon for so long makes me easily lost in thought and daydream like an idiot.

But today… I finally meet him again. Knocking on his door when the sun has just risen, I was nervous that he hasn't woken up and I will just become a nuisance coming this early in the morning. But as expected of him, he answered the door already in his uniform, he was taller than I expected more muscular than I remembered, but he was Shirou without a doubt, his shocked face and the word he muttered later after I greeted him confirmed it.

"Good morning. Long time no see, Shirou."

"…Saber…"

The way he tried to steel his emotion and hide his surprise was cute, but I'm sorry, Shirou… I cannot hold back any more. So, I pulled him into my embrace, his warmth, his smell, his body that was full of dense lean muscle, his body was bigger than me even in this body that doesn't have it growth stunted by the holy sword, everything filled me with joy. I wanted to squeeze even more of him in my embrace that I can enjoy, I wanted to feel his heartbeat with my chest, I wanted his heartbeat to resonate with mine's. And I wanted him to feel the emotion I have withheld for centuries in the Avalon, all of it.

The breeze of the morning was chilly but my body was feeling the warmth of summer. Embracing him without care, closely, tightly, intimately.

When he wrapped his on my back, hugging me back, I was very close to cry again. He was hugging me with all his strength, it suffocates me from the sheer intensity of his hug.

With a hitched breath I let out the words I wanted to say for so long.

"I'm back, Shirou."

Relaxing his embrace, he faced me with his golden eyes locked to mine, this simple words to everyone holds a significant meaning to Shirou and I. To others it was and everyday normality, to us it was a serious business. But I plan to make this to be also an everyday routine from now on.

"Welcome back, Saber… no. Welcome back, Artoria."

He called me with my true name, not the class I was assigned to in holy grail war. Because right now I'm not Saber the Servant of Sword, Artoria Pendragon. I'm just a human, Artoria Pendragon.

I was about to went for a kiss when a cute shy voice called for Shirou from his behind.

"Onii-chan who's coming?"

Hiding half of herself behind the slightly opened door, a little girl with hair as red as Shirou styled in bob and a bright red eye. With her height only about as tall as my waist. She calls him 'Onii-chan' so she must be his sister.

His sister aside… her appearance pulls me back onto reality and makes me realize the appearance of me and Shirou and the elder ladies who were giggling while watching us from the other side of the opened gate.

I want to dig a hole and hide in it.

0o0o0

I originally added segs in this chapter but I felt my skin crawl at the result so I axed all of the segs part. Maybe I will try my hand again at writing segs after the zombie outbreak arc starts and have more experience writing it... by reading some "text" for reference, hehehe