Susano-o: This chapter is perfection, pure and simple.

Sekhmet: This chapter is super fuckin weird.

Susano-o: DYNO-MITE! DYNO-MITE!

Sekhmet. Oh Christ. There's a lot of sex references on the way, if you're squeamish about that you might want to skip the chapter. On with the show.

Duel 22: "Bastion Dynamite!" or "The Birth of a Sexual-sarus!"

"So who are the other Shadow Riders?" Rose asked as the remaining Key Keepers, former Key Keepers, and other assorted people gathered around Camula in the infirmary.

"Right, as you know there are five left," Camula started. "However I only know of three of them, one had yet to be awakened before I went out, and the last only spoke to us through how you say...speaker phone?" She guessed and Rose nodded. "There's also our leader."

"If he's sending others to do his dirty work, maybe the leader is weak himself." Yuko suggested, thinking about the time she played Earthworm Jim.

"I doubt that," Camula respond. "He was able to find and unearth my coffin where it was buried under the earth for over 500 years, however I didn't get a close enough look at him before he left, and now he communicated through speaker phone as well."

"Wishful thinking then." Yuko said.

"Well let's focus on the people coming after us right now," Alexis said. "Who do you know?"

"There's a man named Titan, he's a big man and wore his Shadow Charm as a mask, he also has one of these duel disks that connected all the way up his arm, he seemed to have a personal grudge against you all."

"Hmm," Rose said tapping her chin. "Titan...do we know a Titan?" Rose asked the group.

"Not ringing a bell." Yuko said.

"Was he the boy we had burritos with on the roof?" Midori asked scratching her head.

"No he was one of the people that duel Rose and Syrus," Chumley said confidently.

"No he was the guy who dressed up like ManBearPig and tried to get the school shut down!" Syrus yelled from where he had hid under the table.

"...ManBearPig?" Camula asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, it's a creature that's half man, half bear, half pig," Rose explained.

"I have never heard of this creature before it must be after my time," Camula said looking around nervously. "Is it dangerous?"

"No, because Rose made it up to scare Syrus." Yuko said.

"No I didn't! It's super cereal!" Rose yelled back.

"Well either way I'll be on the lookout then," Camula said.

"Thank you!" Rose said smiling. "Remember to sleep with a copy of Al-Gore's An Inconvenient Truth under your mattress to ward him off."

"I use two!" Syrus said from under the table. Yuko pinched her forehead in exasperation.

"Moving on, the other one is the duel spirit 'Don Zaloog' his Shadow Charm is an eyepatch that allows him and his gang to become physical," Camula explained.

"Oh great," Chazz said rolling his eyes. "I know those cards, the Dark Scorpion Gang, they're incompetent thieves."

"So he's gonna be an easy fight?" Yuko asked.

"Yeah, but annoying," Chazz said sighing.

"And the final one is a tiger named Tania," Camula said making everyone look at her incredulously.

"I have SEVERAL questions." Yuko stated.

"She's somehow from another dimension," Camula said with a confused shrug. "Her Shadow Charm lets her change form, she can do a few but she normally becomes a human," She explained.

"This is some Jojo's stuff right here." Yuko murmured.

"Oh Rose showed me that last night!" Camula said happily. "Part 1 was the best!"

"Ah you would say that you fucking vampire," Rose said joking.

"I like part 1 too." Yuko agreed.

"I prefer part 7," Rose said. "Johnny is best jojo even if the manga is still going."

"No it's clearly Jolyne," Alexis countered.

"No it's Josuke," Midori said.

"No it's Giorno," Zane said from the back.

"You're all wrong it's Jotaro!" Chazz yelled.

"Of course you would say him you edgelord," Camula said rolling her eyes. "Did I use that word right?"

"Yep," Rose said with a thumbs up.

"I like Jonathan…" Yuko said tentatively.

"I like Jonathan too!" Syrus said blushing. "He's someone I aspire to be like," He said looking down at his feet.

Yuko clutched a fist in the air dramatically. "He's too good for this world, too pure!" She said dramatically.

"You're all wrong," Bastion said. "Number one, Joseph is best jojo as he is the most intuitive, even if his personality leaves a lot to desire, part 5 was the best part for putting together a good mystery much better than part 4's, and finally Chazz Jotaro is overrated."

"I agree on the last point and only the last point," Rose said.

"He IS kinda a stereotype of the Japanese cool guy…" Yuko admitted.

"The only reason he's memorable is because he introduced stands and defeated DIO," Zane added.

"Which is bullshit and you all need to admit it," Midori accused and everyone, minus Chazz, nodded in agreement. "Thank you!"

"Anyway, do you know which one is coming next?" Yuko asked.

"No, we got to choose when we went out," Camula sighed.

"So we've got two threats and one questionable

threat in the wings, and we have no idea who's coming when." Yuko sighed.

"Yep," Rose said grabbing a random taquito and munching on it.

…

Early the next morning, the red dorms were quiet, as their residents hadn't woken up yet. It was peaceful for once.

Well, before Bastion snuck into their rooms and fired a 'Barrel Dragon' off feet away.

"Bastion is 4 in the morning!" Rose yelled looking around for something to shove down Bastion's throat.

"Yeah we don't get up for another hour," Midori said cracking her neck.

"I think I broke something." Yuko said, who had fallen out of her bunk.

"Good morning sleepyheads." Bastion said smugly. "Now that we're all awake, how about some daybreak dueling exercises?"

"How about I shove this lamp down your throat!" Rose yelled swinging the lamp above her head by the cord. Yuko had already fallen back asleep, still in her collapsed state. Chaos ensued without her.

…

"You are shocking adept at swinging lamps," Midori commented as the two jogged around the island.

"Thanks, learned it from the best," Rose said with a smile.

"Who?" MIdori asked.

"Paul!" Rose asked, as if that was the only answer need, Midori didn't understand it so she ignored it and let Rose lead her down to where a bruised Bastion was leading the rest of their red dorm friends.

"1,2, Draw! 1,2,Draw!" Was being chanted repeatedly by all involved, some less enthusiastic than others. Yuko in particular was still half asleep.

"Because this was totally worth getting up for." Yuko yawned.

"You're gonna make me lose count." Syrus said, heavily blinking.

Out of nowhere, Chumley grabbed Syrus' hand to get a better look at the card he was holding. "Woah, is that 'Thunder Nyan Nyan'?" He asked.

"Yeah, I got her a while back. I sort of have a card crush on her." He admitted. This caught Yuko's attention.

"Oh please, at least get a real women," Chumley said shoving Syrus his crush, 'Dian Keto the Cure Master'.

"Yeah she's real pretty." Syrus said half heartedly.

"Yeah she reminds me of my girlfriend Sally, or was it Sarah, or Megan," Chumley questioned scratching his head.

"What about you, Yuko? Do you have any card crushes?" Syrus asked.

Yuko, who was previously fuming, cleared her face into a disconcerting smile. "I like 'Warrior Dai Grepher'. But I've always been partial to 'Fairy King Truesdale'..." She said, trying to get some sort of reaction out of him. "You can't possibly be oblivious enough not to take that hint…" she thought.

"Cool!" Syrus said as it turns out, much to Yuko's shock, he was that oblivious. "Midori and Rose what about you two?"

"'Celtic Guardian'," Midori answered.

"'Warrior Lady of the Wasteland'," Rose said with a blush.

"Beg your pardon, but I thought we were training here!" Bastion interrupted. "And training ladies and gentlemen, does not consist of standing around and talking about birds!"

"I-what?" Yuko said, confused by his slang.

"Bastion what's yours?" Syrus asked.

"A crush on a card is a ridiculous notion!" Bastion said, although a blush moments after betrayed his words. "Look, let's just get back to our dueling exercises, alright?"

"Sure, but I do have plans to play Solitaire with Nyan Nyan in 15." Syrus said.

"What?!" Both Bastion And Yuko yelled at the same time.

"You'll be breaking that date, and soon enough breaking a sweat! Now ladies and gentlemen, back to our duel training." Bastion ordered.

"And into the dog house for me, she hates it when I cancel on her." Syrus whined.

Yuko ground her teeth. "So he loves that card so much, huh? The school festival is coming up soon. I think it's time I pay an off hours visit to that sewing club I joined a few weeks ago." She thought with an almost evil smile.

"What are you thinking?" Rose asked her.

"I think I just decided what to be for the school festival." Yuko said.

"Ok then?" Rose said raising an eyebrow. Yuko chuckled evilly in response.

….

Yuko was working up a storm in her notebook, drawing out a design for her costume.

"You could just order the costume," Rose said raising an eyebrow. "There's like ten thousand costume companies out there."

"It's better if I do it myself. It feels right." Yuko said, really barely acknowledging her friend. She compared her design with a copy of the card that she found in her card box, scowled, and made some adjustments.

"Are you really gonna do this," Rose asked. "You could just go over and show the poor boy some Afternoon Delight rather than waiting for him to get the hint."

"No. This is LITERALLY the most blunt way of doing this without just straight up telling him." Yuko said, completely ignoring Rose's innuendo.

Rose gave her a deadpan stare. "...can't you just tell the boy?"

"No! You don't just tell people where I'm from. You've gotta capture his attention, make it subtle, and have HIM ask ME. It's how we do it in Japan." Yuko explained, although in retrospect that didn't really make sense.

Rose didn't respond, but simply walked over and started banging her head against a way. "Stupid stupid stupid," She muttered.

"It's just how it's done." Yuko said.

"You dense idiot," Rose muttered banging her head even harder.

"Hey guys," Midori said opening the door. "We think we found the next Shadow Rider."

Yuko put down her pencil and grabbed her things. "Let's go then."

"What do you mean think?" Rose asked.

"You'll see." Midori said.

….

"Wow," Rose said as she looking at the massive colosseum that had popped up in the middle of the forest. "How the fuck did that get there?"

"Don't tell me this spring up overnight because I'm not buying it." Yuko said.

"Well no time like the present," Chazz said walking inside. "Hey where are you Shadow Rider!"

"Dude, don't just walk into an obvious death trap!" Yuko said, going after him.

"Oh come one, look it's an empty building, just me, you, the others, and that tiger over there," Chazz said thumbing towards the tiger that was charging at them. "...wait what?"

"Run like hell!" Yuko shouted.

"I got it!" Rose yelled standing in front of them. "With my Shin Kicking no Jutsu!" Rose yelled scanning the tiger, and her confidence quickly evaporated. "Oh shit it has shin protection run like hell!" She yelled scampering up a nearby pillar.

"You would have lost your legs!" Yuko scolded from her position on the pillar.

"I would have been fine, that's what the shin kicking is for!" Rose yelled back.

"That tiger would have ripped them clean off and you know it!" Yuko argued.

"No it wouldn't!" Rose yelled back.

"Can you not have this argument now!" Midori yelled from where she and Alexis were hiding.

"Who does this tiger even belong to, some amazon?!" Yuko asked.

(Awaken-Jojo)

As she said this a vague shadow jumped over them and landed nearby. "Yes he does," The shadow said walking into the light. She was tall, tan and muscle bound, sporting a long thin ponytail and an outfit that was functional, not fashionable. Two scars ran down her right eye, proof of a battle long past.

"My lesbian radar is going haywire," Rose said was she watched the tiger walk over and stand by its master.

"You came by just in time, I'm finally finished building my glorious arena." She said.

"How did you build this in a day?" Midori asked.

"Unions," She said smiling. "Anyway, I'm Tania," She said flexing. "I'm your next opponent."

"Good thing this isn't a fistfight then, I'd lose in a heartbeat." Yuko said.

"Oh I would never harm a sister," Tania said with a softer look. "So which of you big strong men is gonna be my challenger."

"Don't do me any favors," Alexis said glaring.

"Come on I've been waiting to duel one of these guys!" Midori yelled angrily.

"I mean I kinda wanted a shot but whatever…" Yuko murmured.

Rose said nothing, she seemed to be deep in thought about something, muttering and scratching her head as she seemed to be weighing two options.

"It'll be me." Bastion said with conviction.

"Oh you look like a strapping young man," Tania said licking her lips. "You know the rules I assume?"

"Yes, I win you leave," Bastion responded.

"And If I win, not only do I get your key, I also get you," She said sensually eyeing him up and down.

"I beg your pardon!" Bastion yelled.

"You heard me, if you lose, you become my husband," Tania said excitedly clasping her hands and legs together as she shimmied her hips side to side. "See my tribe is all women, so to get a man I have to shop around."

"Well she is an Amazon," Midori said from the stands.

"I'm getting some serious whiplash." Yuko said, rubbing her neck.

Rose was still muttering to herself.

"Lucky punk," Chazz muttered crossing his arms.

"That's not going to happen," Bastion glared as he opened his shirt. "Now the only question is which deck should I use!"

"Ooh I have the same problem," Tania said holding up two decks. "My deck of knowledge and my deck of courage," She said smiling. "Maybe you can help me choose?" She flirted.

"Well then," Bastion said narrowing his eyes. "I choose both!" He said dramatically. "One cannot have courage without knowledge!"

"Ooh I like that," Tania said sensually as she shuffled her decks together.

"I will use my water and earth deck," Bastion said taking one out and putting it in his duel disk. "Now then."

"Let's duel!" The two yelled and the battle was on.

"Alright it's my turn," Tania said drawing her card. "I summon the 'Amazoness Swordswoman' (1500/1600) in attack mode!" She yelled as a muscular woman wielding a giant sword appeared on the field.

"Lot of Jojo vibes today," Rose said coming out of her murmerings for a few seconds.

"Tell me about it." Yuko said. "This makes me wish some pillar women existed outside of flashbacks."

"And I'll end with a facedown, your turn hun," Tania said with a wink.

"Very well," Bastion said drawing his card. "And I summon to the field 'Magnet Warrior ?+' (1800/1600)," He said as his robotic monster with a staff and shield appeared on the field "Magnet warrior attack Swordswoman with lodestone baton bash!"

'?+' reared back and smacked 'Amazoness Swordswoman' in the face destroying her (Bastion LP: 8000-7700). "I'll play a face down, and that will suffice."

"Oh yes keep talking like that," Tania said happily shimmying her hips. "But first I play 'Pride of Tribe' to summon back another "Amazoness Swordswoman' (1500/1600), and then I'll summon the 'Amazoness Blowpiper' (800/1500!" She yelled as another amazon appeared on the field with a dart-gun in her hands.

"Man she really blows." Yuko said. Upon seeing Rose chuckle she corrected herself. "It's a pipe you degenerate, I can see you smirking."

"She can blow me anytime," Rose snickered.

"Can it, you two." Chazz said.

"Not so fast!" Bastion said smiling. "I activate the card 'Magnet Force Minus' now your 'Amazoness Blowpiper' becomes a minus monster, and from there my dear it gets interesting," He said smirking. "Because two monsters of the same charge can never attack, but two monster of opposite charges they must battle," He said as his monster and her monster where drawn together. "You've heard that old quotes 'opposites attract' well I'm afraid it's true."

"I know it just look at the two of us!" Tania said dramatically. "-But unfortunately my dear I must defeat you I play the spell card 'Amazoness Spellcaster'!" She said holding up her card. "Now one 'Amazoness' monster and one other echange attack points," She smiled as her 'Blowpiper' and Bastion's '?+' exchanged their attack (Blowpiper 1800/1500) (?+ 500/1600). Go 'Blowpiper' take out his Magnet Warrior!" Blowpiper complied and fired a small projectile at his monster, shattering it to bits. "And then 'Swordswoman' will hit you directly!" (Bastion LP: 7700-4800). "That's twice I've outsmarted you, guess we know where our kids will get their smarts from," Tania said sensually. "I'll set two cards and end my turn."

"WHAT KIDS!" Bastion yelled. "WE ARE ENEMIES! RIVALS!"

"During this duel," Tania said smiling. "Afterwards we'll be betrothed! Think about it you'll be Mr. Tania the Amazon woman!"

"This is getting weird. Her lady boner is practically penetrating me from all the way over here." Yuko said, seemingly unaware of what exactly she just said.

"Yuko are you ok? You've been saying some weird stuff ever since we dealt with Camula." Midori asked.

"Yeah I'm ok, why?" Yuko asked.

"Well the last time you said that you were under the influence of a demon of madness." Midori replied.

"I am Eraser Wicked God of Madness and Insanity and the Demon King of Bacon!" Eraser yelled.

"Eraser says that he's a god of madness and insanity and a king of bacon." Yuko said.

"DEMON KING OF BACON!" Eraser corrected.

"Sorry, DEMON king of bacon." Yuko said.

"Right…" Midori said, and turned back to the duel.

Bastion sighed. "Truly you are relentless are you really that smitten with me?"

"I prefer in love!" Tania said happily.

"You barely know me!"

"I know enough, my little sugar bear."

"You're incorrigible!" Bastion yelled. "I play 'Hyrodgeddon in attack mode (1600/1500) and I'll send him after your 'Blowpiper'!"

"Not so fast I play 'Dramatic Rescue' now I return my 'Blowpiper' in exchange for my 'Amazoness Tiger' (1100/1500) and he gains 400 attack for each 'amazoness' on the field (1100-1900/1500), And don't think you're getting off lightly because I play 'Amazoness Archers' now your monster loses '600' attack points and have to attack, and because of my tiger's ability, you can only attack him!" Tania explained with a smirk (Hydrogeddon 1600-100/1500).

'Amazoness Tiger' roared as it tone Bastion's monster to bits (Bastion LP: 4800-3900).

"Crap, this isn't good. We've dipped below the halfway point and things aren't looking good." Yuko said.

"It's alright. Bastion always makes a comeback from the brink." Midori said.

"I set a card and end my turn," Bastion said sighing.

"You know I think you should move in with me after we get married," Tania said with a dearmy smile. "Oh we'll have our own little home sweet home."

"Oh," Bastion said shocked.

"Oh I'm sorry honey, am I distracting you again with this talk about how much I love you, and how positively handsome you are," She said tapping her fingers together as she blushed. "I guess I can't help it, I'm head over heels!" She said smiling widely.

"Me too," Bastion said blushing.

"Wait I blanked out for a while," Rose said looking up from her hands. "Is Bastion about to throw this duel for sex!?"

"I-maybe? I would hope not." Yuko said.

"My move dear!" Tania yelled. "I play 'Amazoness Paladin' (1700/300) and she gains 100 attack for each 'Amazoness I control' (1700-2000/300). "Finally I play 'Mystical Space Typhoon' to destroy your face down!" She ordered as Bastion's 'Magic Cylinder' shattered to bits. "Now my three monsters, end this duel and get my my man!" (Bastion LP: 3900-0)

"I'm all yours," Bastion said with a dopey grin as he passed out, his key disappearing to go unlock another spirit gate.

"Wait what the fuck!" Rose yelled. "Did he really just do that!"

Yuko's jaw dropped farther and more cartoony than Jim Carrey's did in The Mask. "Fuckin what?!"

"Bastion you moron!" Rose yelled running down into the pit.

"Kitty!" Tania ordered as her tiger charged the group.

Rose kept going and jumped the tiger, "Ha I've watched every episode of Crocodile Hunter I know how to defeat any wildlife!" She laughed, not realizing Tania trained her tiger to scare them, not actually maul them. "Now your shins are mine!" She yelled landing a sidekick to Tania's shin, that did nothing. "Oh no," Rose said in horror.

"Yes I wear shin guards," Tania said with a smirk.

"Guys my shin-fu is useless! Does anyone have some Shibari rope?"

The group was already fiercely run out of the coliseum, and no one had rope anyway.

"Goodbye everyone, me and Bastion are on our honeymoon!" Tania yelled as the gates slammed shut.

"Oh no," Rose said dramatically. "That poor boy's pelvis can't take that kind of strain! He'll die from Shu-Shu!"

"But what can we do? We can't stop that tiger!" Yuko said.

"I guess we'll have to wait," Midori said nervously.

…

The night was full of loud noises, moaning, groaning, and the occasional sound of pain, Rose spent the entire time sniggering to herself, Alexis was worried, Chazz was envious, and Midori, Syrus, and Yuko where blushing up a storm. Yuko in particular had her eyes glued to the ground.

"I'm impressed by his stamina," Alexis joked trying to ease the tension.

"I'm amazed she hasn't broken him in half yet," Chazz snarked glaring.

"He's a lucky man eh Yuko?" Rose asked elbowing her dorm mate.

"The night is dark and full of terrors, the night is dark and full of terrors…" Yuko chanted to herself, trying to focus on anything but the noises.

"Oh someone is excited," Dreadroot laughed in her head. "Are you picturing you and a certain other person in their position?"

"RIDE HIS MEAT BICYCLE!" Eraser yelled.

Yuko cringed. "Not now. And that information is private!"

"You forget, we are in your head, all your private information is our information as well."

"We know where your key is! May want to take it out before you grind the cartilage!"

"Well, obviously. I don't need my friends knowing about this though." She thought.

"Oh so we should not tell the blue haired boy?" Dreadroot said with a laugh.

"Especially not Syrus! He'd never love a freak like me if he found out I'm a voyeur."

"You should take him to the ground and ride him like a cheap fair ride!" Eraser yelled.

"Yes, he would be most excited by that," Dreadroot agreed. "And I would find your nervousness funny."

"Maybe one day, but certainly not today." She thought.

"Do it! The moon is full! The night is dark! The sky is filled with pain!" Eraser yelled. "Take him down and consume his fluids! MAKE HIM DRINK YOUR SENSUAL FLUIDS!"

"No, I'm not doing it! There's a procedure to these kinds of things!" She thought.

"Yuko are you ok? You've been rubbing yourself for the past few minutes?" Syrus said innocently. "Do you need to go to the bathroom?"

"You know what? Yes I do." Yuko said, and then proceeded to go out of sight and beat her head in on a tree.

"Yuko you ok?" Rose asked walking over to her.

"No." Yuko replied simply.

"What's wrong?" She asked leaning against a nearby tree.

"Even Dreadroot And Eraser want me to fuck Syrus." Yuko whined, her head on the tree.

"Sooo why don't you do it?" Rose asked. "Me and Alexis snuck off and did it, and Bastion is currently doing it, why not you do it?"

"It's not that simple." Yuko said.

"Why not!" Rose yelled. "I even have condoms if that's what you're worried about!"

"I can't. He might not even like me back, let alone want to do THAT." Yuko said.

"You nearly killed him when he fell in your crotch, I think he'll be receptive."

"No, I just can't." Yuko said.

"Oh my god at least try to date him then!" Rose yelled. "He's too oblivious to go after you! You're being dumb!"

"No I am scared!" Yuko said, and turned around to face Rose. "I've never been in love. I need help."

"Well you're gonna have to take the first step, go over there and start seducing him!" Rose yelled. "Put your arm around his shoulders, pull him onto your lap, and start jacking him off!"

"Maybe I just do that first one." Yuko said, and pumped herself up.

"Fine," Rose sighed. "Don't blame me when he doesn't understand."

Yuko ran towards the clearing, ready to take on the world… only to knock herself out feet from camp on a low hanging branch she had forgotten was there.

"Oh watch out for that branch," Rose said sliding under it. "Well keep going then!" She yelled, only to realize Yuko wasn't getting up. "Umm Yuko," She said shaking her shoulder. "Ah shit," she muttered picking her up and taking her back to camp.

"What happened to her!" Syrus yelled in fear.

"She hit her head off a branch," Rose explained setting Yuko in his lap. "You watch her."

"Meep!" Syrus yelped as he shifted around nervously, but eventually he got comfy, despite still blushing up a storm. "Umm, Rose why me?"

"Eh you're the most trustworthy," Rose said vaguely. "Besides me and Alexis are going to go play put the lime in the coconut," She said smirking broadly. Alexis blushed back but gave her bedroom eyes in return. "-But first," She said pulling out a guitar from...somewhere. "I call this one, the Campfire Song Song."

….

As morning broke on the island, Yuko woke up with a giant bruise on her forehead and aches all over. "Man, I had the most horrible dream last night. I dreamt that Bastion jeopardized us all for something stupid like sex."

"Umm he did," Syrus squeaked out as Yuko's head rubbed against his crotch. "We've been camping out all night outside his new wives colosseum."

Yuko looked around for a rock to knock herself out with again. When she couldn't find one, she put her head in the dirt and groaned.

"Get up lovebirds and put your pants on Yuko," Rose said from across the campfire. "As much as we'd all like to look at your underwear we've got work to do!"

Yuko slapped her ass in fear so hard it sounded like a gunshot. "That's not funny Rose!" She yelled when she found that she still had her pants on.

"Yes it was, and that was a nice sound," Rose laughed.

"You had me seriously worried!" Yuko yelled.

"Why?" Rose asked. "It's the six of us I highly doubt anything would happen to you."

"I-I don't know. It was a weird night last night." Yuko said.

"Speaking of which, Bastion has stopped screaming," Chazz said from beside the doorway.

As if summoned, the gates opened up and a beaten and broken, but still clothed, Bastion walked through and into the groups waiting arms.

"Bastion what happened to you man?" Rose asked sniffing him. "You don't smell like sex?"

"S-she s-she," Bastion stuttered out.

"Oh god did she make you her girlfriend?" Rose asked helping him stay up.

"She dueled me!" Bastion yelled crying.

"...what?" Rose asked.

….

"So she made you duel all night?" Rose asked.

"Yes," Bastion cried rocking back and forth.

"And when you didn't perform to her expectations she threw you out?"

"Yes!"

"...and you didn't get laid once?"

"No!"

"So all of that was for nothing?!" Yuko said incredulously.

"Damn it man!" Chazz yelled. "You wasted your key for nothing!" He yelled grabbing him by his collar. "And you didn't even get any!"

"Why is that what you two are focused on!" Midori yelled grabbing Chazz and pulling him off. "We've lost 3 keys!"

"I didn't know he was gonna waste his key on nothing!" Yuko said.

"So what are we gonna do now!" Alexis asked. "The gates shut again!"

Rose sighed. "I guess we'll wait," She said shrugging.

….

"Bastion has been in the fetal position for three days," Rose said poking the crying boy with a stick.

"Yeah that can't be too good." Yuko noted.

"Yeah," Rose said poking him even more. "We should probably do something."

"I think stopping that would be the first thing," Alexis deadpanned.

"Maybe if we throw him in a shallow end of the lake he'll expand like those sponge capsules you get as a kid." Yuko suggested.

"Those things where bullshit and never worked right," Rose growled. "I got an idea, Bastion I need help with math!"

"Tania loved math," Bastion cried.

"I still say sponge capsule him." Yuko said.

Chazz sighed. "What's the rule on a person dueling again?" He asked.

Rose shrugged. "I don't know, we'd have to ask Sheppard."

….

"Well there is no rule saying you can't duel again," Sheppard said incredulously as he looked at the rocking fetal Bastion. "-But do you really want to put the poor boy through that again?"

"I'm not sure we can fix him otherwise. Not without extensive therapy at least." Yuko said.

"I'll volunteer my key," Chazz said raising his hand.

"Why are we doing this!" Midori asked. "Bastion is a good duelist, but he's already lost once and are we really gonna risk losing another key to let him try again?"

"Yeah, that's a good point. How are we gonna fix this then?" Yuko asked.

"I'm sure between us, Crowler, and Zane we could train Bastion to be better than he was," Alexis suggested after a few minutes of thinking. "His biggest problem was he got distracted and didn't make good plays because of it."

"So with our powers combined we can rebuild him?" Yuko said. "Well then, we're gonna need a montage."

(Montage-Team America World Police)

As the song progressed, Bastion was slowly rebuilt. It started out with cracking him out of the fetal position. Then there were exercises where if Bastion got distracted, he was smacked with a long thin stick. There were a couple talks, and some push-ups with people on his back just cause it was a montage thing to do. At the end of the montage, his former self was no more.

Or at least...that was the plan.

"We just spent a week with him and got nowhere!" Midori yelled as the remaining Key Keepers and Syrus stood outside Tania's Coliseum. "It took us three days just to get him out of the fetal position and another just to bath him!"

"Yeah I really expected this to go smoother." Yuko admitted.

"What are we gonna do now?" Alexis asked looking up at the building. "Are we gonna let him duel again or should one of us take her?"

"The answer is neither we go with option C!" Rose yelled walking out of the woods.

"Option C?" Alexis asked.

"What did you do?" Chazz asked glaring.

"See while you guys screwed around and did nothing," Rose explained smirking. "I spent the week transforming Bastion Misawa from a boy into what I knew he could be all along," Rose said before gesturing to the forest. "Everyone, meet Bastion Misawa SEXUAL TYRANNOSAURUS!" She yelled as Bastion humped his way out of the forest.

"Suey Suey Suey," He repeated as he continued to hump the air, a glazed look in his eyes.

"I-just why, Rose." Yuko said exasperated.

"What is a Sexual Tyrannosaurus?" Chazz asked trying to get away from the still air humping Bastion.

"A Sexual Tyrannosaurus is a person who can unlock ultimate sexual powers, thus making them able to please anyone without fail!" Rose explained proudly. "So far there are only four I know of in the world, Me, Morgan Freeman, Duke Devin, and now Bastion," She said patting Bastion back.

"I feel weird about this." Yuko simply said.

"What why?" Rose asked.

"Do you really think this'll work?" Yuko clarified.

"Do you doubt my SEXUAL PROWESS!" Rose asked loudly.

"I doubt your ability to have a sensible plan." Yuko said. "What if this doesn't work?"

"Oh it will," Rose said smiling before smacking Bastion's back. "Now go get your woman!"

"Suey Suey Suey," Bastion said as he air humped his way forward through the gates.

"Rose why is he acting like that?" Midori asked.

"Oh it's probably the viagra I slipped him," She said dismissively.

"How much did you give him!" Chazz asked wide eyed.

"Oh just a bottle full," Rose said shrugging.

"A WHOLE BOTTLE?! He'll only live five minutes, even if they're the best five minutes of his life!" Yuko practically screamed.

"He'll be fine," Rose said waving her hand.

"Bastion what are you doing here!" Tania yelled. "I told you to get away!"

"Suey Suey Suey," Bastion said back.

"...Oh, oh my!" Tania said giggling. "Is that all for me?"

"Suey Suey Suey."

"Well then, come here big boy."

"Suey Suey Suey!"

"Oh my Ra," Midori said blushing. "This is insanity!"

Yuko held her head. "This is the stupidest thing anyone of us has ever done."

"You say that," Rose said smirking as the sounds of moaning started filling the air. "Yet it seems to be working."

"A working plan can still be stupid." Yuko said. Even as a voyeur, this was uncomfortable to listen to.

"Nope, if it's stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid!" Rose said proudly as she pulled out folding beach chair and sitting down. "Now we wait," She said leaning back and relaxing.

Yuko took a seat on a nearby log and groaned. "When will this insanity end…"

….

"It's been 12 hours!" Chazz yelled looking at the coliseum, where the moaning had yet to stop. "What is going on!"

"Sexual Tyrannosaurus," Rose said smirking. "Thats whats going on."

"That's not an answer." Yuko said.

"How is that possible?" Syrus said blushing. "I thought sex was suppose to be short and shameful!"

"...oh you poor boy," Rose said shaking her head. "Me and you will be having a long talk after this is over," She said with a sexy smile.

"Don't scare him too much." Yuko warned.

"Oh you think you're not going to be getting the talk too?" Rose said raising an eyebrow. "You need it too, and so do you Midori...you know what I'm just gonna host a talk to explain the birds and the beegees to the school."

"Cause that'll go over well." Yuko said sarcastically.

"Seems to be working well for Bastion," Rose said with a laugh.

"Knowing you, he probably didn't have a choice." Yuko said.

"He didn't argue if that's what you're asking," Rose said shrugging.

"Fair enough." Yuko said.

…

"18 hours!" Chazz yelled.

"How is he still breathing!" Midori yelled grabbing her hair.

"Don't think about it," Alexis said from where she was relaxing in Rose's lap.

"Is he gonna die Rose?" Syrus asked tentatively.

"Nah, Sexual Tyrannosaurus don't die, they only evolve," She said smirking.

"SUEY, SUEY, SUEY!" At that moment Bastion's yelling doubled in volume and Tania's moans increased in pitch.

"Oh sounds like we're reaching the end," Rose said siggering.

Yuko put her head in her hands again, seemingly about to die of embarrassment.

"Huh, I wonder what it would be like to be Bastion right now," Syrus muttered blushing a deep red before covering his mouth.

"I imagine there's starting to be more pain than it's worth." Yuko said, muffled by her hands.

"Eh, he's just starting out as a Tyrannosaurus, he'll be fine, drop off doesn't start occuring till your 4th year as a Tyrannosaurus and even then it would take a lot longer than this," Rose explained as she played with Alexis's hair.

"I'm going to bleach my brain after this," Midori sighed rubbing her temples. "I'd rather spend the day with Camula than listening to this."

"Same." Yuko agreed.

"SUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!"

There was a loud scream, a long and deep moan, a giant wet splattering sound, and then silence.

"And that's the game," Rose said looking at her phone. "18 hours, not bad."

"I have no words." Yuko said.

"Those are words," Rose said laughing. "How about you guys?"

Midori and Syrus where blushing up a storm and Chazz was shaking his head. "How did we get from the vampire to this?" He asked sighing.

"Guys what's that?" Syrus said as a white fluid started leaking out of the coliseum.

"Oh my Ra, that's disgusting." Yuko shivered.

"Why what is it?" Syrus said walking over and reaching out to poke it.

"DONT!" Yuko shouted.

"Why?" Syrus asked innocently. "What is it?"

"Go on, tell him Yuko," Rose said smiling evily before Alexis lightly smacked her head. Instead, Yuko simply pulled Syrus away.

"I can't tell you but you'll thank me later." She said.

"I want to know!" He said angrily.

Rose sighed and stood up, "Syrus come over here and I'll tell you," She said waving him over.

Syrus happily walked over and Rose whispered into his ear, Yuko watched as his smile instantly evaporated as he turned redder than his jacket. "And now you know," Rose said smiling as she patted his head.

"I told you you'd thank me later." Yuko said.

"I need an adult," He whined.

"Syrus I'd love to help you but I'm just done with today," Midori said with a sigh.

The doors of the coliseum suddenly opened and a bowlegged half naked Tania covered in the white fluid came out carrying what looked like a corpse over her shoulder.

"What the fuck?" Yuko asked, not sure what else to ask really.

"Oh he's fine," Tania said putting the corpse on the ground, which was revealed to be an incredibly thin Bastion.

"What did you do to him!" Midori yelled.

"Nothing, it's what he did to me," Tania said happily. "He's showed me the right side, so I've decided to join up with you guys!"

Yuko looked incredibly confused, like her brain was about to explode.

"Welcome to team New Directions!" Rose responded. Everyone groaned at that statement.