Susano-o: Hey Hugo it ain't over yet buddy! You've got two more to go hehehe!
Sekhmet: This isn't a cursed chapter, but I still don't like it. If it wasn't central to the plot I would have lobbied for its removal.
Susano-o: Yeah this would have been the very definition of a filler episode if it DIDN'T BECOME A CENTRAL PART OF THE PLOT! Wow that was a stupid choice.
Sekhmet: Sean Schemmel once again makes my ears bleed.
Susano-o: That was the funniest exchange ever, I wish I could have kept it going but Sekhmet told me to stop. Fun killer.
Sekhmet: My eyes were starting to bleed too from that font you were using. Too bad it doesn't translate into the doc manager.
Susano-o: Yeah I just noticed that (rereading the Jinzo chapter in our original doc), shame since one of our favorite monsters Eraser used a very interesting font that only we will ever see.
Sekhmet: Yeah, plus now one of next season's characters uses a unique font that won't work.
Susano-o: That font is a little awkward to read, but it is a shame we can't give them a unique voice.
Sekhmet: I know. The Homemade Apple font is so elegant with a scratch of madness. But anyway, on with the show, and there will be an extra section of author's notes at the end of the last chapter!
Duel 28: Chazz Immediately Ruins Everything
"Go go power rangers!" Rose yelled as she jumped around on the couch in her PJ's. Nearby, Yuko held a VHS tape labeled 'Speed Racer', waiting for her turn to put it in, bouncing along with the theme. Both were heavily bandaged, but you wouldn't know that anything had happened otherwise.
"Aww," Syrus said watching from the doorway, Alexis was standing above him also looking at the scene. "It's good to see them as friends again!"
"Yes," Alexis said smiling broadly. "Now let's let them enjoy their time together, me and you have something to do," She said trying to tiptoeing outside and down to the dining hall, Syrus also tried to sneak, but ended up tripping over dust and falling onto the floor, loud enough for the two on the couch to hear.
"Hey guys." Yuko said, barely looking away from the TV.
"Shush it you two," Rose said as well barely looking away from the Megazord battle on screen.
"Yeah, this is the best part of the episode!" Yuko agreed.
The two looked at each other before they continued out of the dorms, the two on the couch none the wiser.
….
"Atticus!" Chazz yelled to the sunbathing blue student.
"Yeah?" Atticus said looking up from his tanning screen.
"I need your help attracting Alexis!" Chazz asked.
"Huh? Wasn't she dating Rose?" Atticus asked.
"It's just a phase!" Chazz insisted.
"Oh ok," Atticus said folding up his screen. "Lets go get you a woman!" He said happily.
…
"I sense a disturbance in the Force," Rose muttered looking at the door with a red hot glare.
Yuko was too absorbed in 'Speed Racer' to acknowledge her. "He's goin over that cliff!" She said, before letting out a fake scream that sounded like a bucket of spiders was dumped on the voice actor.
…
"And that's how you bake a cake!" Syrus said happily as he pulled the unfrosted cake out of the oven.
"And now I'll decorate," Alexis said grabbing the frosting knife to start spreading it. "Did they say they liked vanilla or chocolate?"
"I don't actually remember…" Syrus said sheepishly.
"Well I guess both then," Alexis said handing him the other frosting knife.
"Umm I can't decorate," Syrus said sheepishly.
"Just do your best," Alexis said as she started decorating. Syrus gulped and started helping.
…
"Guys, we made you a cake!" Syrus called into the common room. Rose and Yuko were sprawled out on the couch in the middle of a lazy argument.
"The One Piece dub is a pile of shit." Yuko grunted.
"The theme is better," Rose countered.
"Nah. I'll admit it's catchy, but that doesn't mean it's good." Yuko countered.
"Umm guys we have cake?" Alexis said holding up the cake she was holding. The two looked up and scrambled off the couch.
"Oh wow, thanks guys!" Yuko said. One side of the cake was beautifully decorated, the other...well it looked like an effort had been made. It looked like Syrus had tried to draw Yuko in icing, but it looked like Slifer.
"I baked it, and we both decorated it!" Syrus said nervously.
"Awww, that's so sweet!" Yuko said, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Syrus made a squeaky toy sound and blushed heavily.
"This is good cake," Rose said eating her piece.
"Umm guys!" Midori yelled running into the room. "We've got a bad problem!"
….
"He WHAT?!" Yuko asked in utter disbelief.
"Chazz stole the keys!" Sheppard said nervously rubbing his head. "I was sure they would be safe in the plant pot!"
"The plant pot?! You know what, never mind. Where was he last seen?" Yuko asked.
"He was running towards the abandoned dorms!" Sheppard yelled.
"I don't even want to know what he's thinking. Let's go." Yuko said, rallying the group. "When I told him to make his own decisions, this is not what I meant!"
…
"Did you find him?" Midori asked Yuko.
"No, not yet." Yuko said. "When I do though, there's gonna be hell to pay."
"I think we've checked this entire place," Chumley said eating a taco.
"Then we split up from here. I don't know what's up, but he's dead meat, especially if Rose finds him before we do." Yuko said.
"Everyone look!" Bastion said pointing at the beach, where a fireworks display was going off.
"What in the name of Ra is going on there?" Yuko asked, running towards the commotion.
Down at the beach, Chazz had set up a massive wedding platform, he was standing there dressed in a white tuxedo with the keys around his neck, and Atticus standing beside him dressed as a priest and holding a wedding gown. "And there's the blushing bride herself!" Atticus said happily.
"Ok, what the shit is going on?" Yuko asked.
"Isn't it obvious?" Chazz said snorting. "It's a wedding!" He said waving to the entire set up. "And I guess you all can be guests if you sit quietly."
"Uh, that doesn't explain why you went AWOL and stole the keys." Yuko said.
"Isn't it obvious?" Chazz asked as if Yuko was being intentionally oblivious. "It's to show my devotion to my one true love!"
"By putting the world at stake? We just dealt with this shit!" Yuko said. "In what world do you need to put it in jeopardy to get a girl to like you?!"
"Because," Chazz said condescendingly. "This girl is battle hardened just like me, so I need to show her I'm willing to go to the ends of the Earth to prove my love to her."
"Man I feel sorry for whomever you're trying so hard to get. Who knows what she'll think of you when she sees what you've done." Yuko said.
"Well let's ask her!" Chazz yelled stomping his foot. "Alexis!" He yelled holding his hand out. "Come on down!"
"Wait me?!" Alexis asked shocked.
"That's right little sis!" Atticus said shaking the wedding dress. "Come on let's do this before we lose the light! I want good photos to send to mom and dad!"
Yuko burst out into mocking laughter before putting her serious face back on. "Please tell me you're joking."
"Yeah in case you didn't notice Mr. Chazz Thunder," Alexis said putting her hands on her hips. "I'm currently with someone, someone who you know for a fact will beat you two into a pulp assuming there is anything left of you two after I'M done with you," She asked glaring.
"Oh we solved that problem already," Chazz said lazily gesturing to a nearby tree at the sand's edge, where Rose was bound and gagged upside down and hanging over the sand. She was wiggling like a fish on a hook and shouting muffled words that could have been obscenities or threats...most likely one or the other. "It's amazing what you can do with a high voltage taser these days," He said shrugging.
"Come one Lexi!" Atticus said holding out the dress. "You know how much mom wants grandkids!"
In the meantime, Yuko ran over to Rose and tried to find a way to cut her down.
"That won't work," Chazz said. "Constrictor knot."
"So you set this all up," Alexis said counting off her fingers. "Took the keys, tied Rose up, and somehow roped my brother in this, all to marry me?" She asked.
"Exactly!" Chazz responded happily.
"You're an idiot," Alexis deadpanned.
"He's insane is what he is." Yuko said, patting herself down for any sharp implements.
"HE'S A DEAD MAN!" Rose yelled having actually managed to bite her way through the gag. "I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL!" She roared trying to wiggling even harder.
"NO EAT THE LIVER FIRST! IT HAS THE MOST NUTRIENTS!" Eraser whined.
"Personally I prefer the pancreas," Dreadroot added.
"The Gods suggest liver and pancreas, in that order." Yuko said.
"I WANT HIS SOUL!" Rose yelled.
"Chazz I'm not gonna marry you," Alexis insisted. "I'm with Rose and you're not my type at all," She said rolling her eyes.
"Yes you are," Chazz insisted. "Or I'm gonna unlock the Gates myself!" He said crossing his arms stubbornly.
"Do you hear yourself talk? You're gonna kill us all, including yourself, just to get your rocks off?!" Yuko said.
"IF YOUR BONER IS THAT HARD GET A FLESHLIGHT AND A BODY PILLOW! Rose shouted as she tried biting her bindings. "THAT'S HOW I DEALT WITH SEXUAL REPRESSION IN THE ORPHANAGE!"
"Chazz, what's to stop me from getting our vampire and Amazonian friends her from forcefully holding you down while I take those keys back?" Alexis asked gesturing to the group behind her.
"Because I also set up this!" He said holding up a small box. "If I press this button, then the gates will be blown up and the Beasts will be released!"
"You're talkin shit!" Yuko said.
"Can you take the chance?" Chazz asked laughing madly.
"I think he may have a screw loose from the Amneal incident," Bastion muttered to Midori. "What happened in that Tablet?"
"We just sat there in a bunch of planets I don't know what he's been smoking!" Midori said exasperatedly.
"I'm still calling your bluff." Yuko said.
"Well here's what we'll do!" Chazz said crossing his arms. "We duel I win and Alexis becomes my bride! If you win I give you the keys, the switch, and the bag of shadow charms I have hidden on the beach."
"YOU TOOK THEM TOO?!" Rose yelled. "HOW I KEPT THEM LOCKED UP IN OUR ROOM?!"
"Dammit Chazz, one of those might be a family heirloom!" Yuko said. "At the very least it was a very nice present!"
"Well you'd best hope my Dear Alexis wins!" Chazz said activating his duel disk. "Or else it will be a good wedding present."
"Fuck that, you're not giving that circlet away!" Yuko said, and started off to find the bag.
"HEY!" Rose asked as Yuko left her hanging. "Oh fuck this," She growled using all her core strength to lift herself torso up to chew at the ropes around her ankles.
"Chazz this isn't gonna happen," Alexis insisted. "Even if you win everyone will hunt you down to the ends of the world," She said activating her duel disk. "-But let's duel anyway."
"I'll go first my love!" Chazz said drawing a card. "I play 'Ojama Yellow' in attack mode (0/100)!"
"HI EVERYONE IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK!" He yelled dancing on the field.
"Shut up!" Chazz yelled. "I set two cards and play 'Lover Letter' now you either get to take one of my facedown cards, or one of my monsters," He explained gesturing to his field.
"Chazz that was dumb, I'm obviously going to take your monster," Alexis said as Ojama Yellow came screaming towards her at breakneck speeds, sadly not breaking his neck as Ojama's are actually immune to damage, much to the hatred of all other duel monster spirits.
"Umm well I also activate 'Giant Trundae' to return both my cards to my hand and since 'Treasure Map' was returned I get to draw two cards, now I'll set two and end my turn."
"Good," Alexis said drawing a card. "I play 'Cyber Tutu' (1000/800) and I'll send her to attack you directly."
"Not so fast I play 'Ring of Destruction'!" Chazz yelled.
"And that's what I wanted," Alexis smirked. "I play 'Prima Light' to send my 'Cyber Tutu to the graveyard to summon 'Cyber Prima' to my field (2300/1600)!" She said as a light hit her ballerina, turning her into a full prima-ballerina. "And that means your card has lost is target and my 'Prima' is going to hit you with all her might!" Alexis yelled as her monster danced across the field and smacked Chazz with a kick upside his head (8000-6700). "And I'll end with a facedown."
"This'll be all too easy for Alexis." Midori said.
"Well I hope she'd win, the world is at stake." Syrus sighed. "Besides, Chazz' over the topness is making me nauseous." He grimaced.
"It's just love Syrus," Atticus said having somehow switched his outfit to a hawaiian shirt, shorts, sandals, a Lei-Lei and strumming a ukulele. "You should know all about it!"
"Oh it's not the love that's making me nauseous…" he said with a side eye. "Not that there's any here…"
"I WILL EAT YOU!" Rose growled through her teeth.
"I feel the love from Chazz and Alexis all the way from here!" Atticus said happily. "Or maybe it's the crippling fear that I made a huge mistake!"
"...This is why you got kidnapped," Camula deadpanned.
"My move!" Chazz yelled. "I play 'Graceful Charity' and 'Pot of Greed' to draw 5 cards and discard 2. Then I play my face down 'Ojama Trio' to give you three 'Ojama Token's' in defense mode!" He said as 3 more Ojamas appeared on the field.
"HEY IT'S ME!" The 'Token Yellow' said to the other 'Ojama Yellow'.
"NO I'M ME! YOU'RE NOT ME!" 'Ojama Yellow' shouted back.
"NO I'M YOU AND YOU'RE ALSO ME, SO WE'RE BOTH ME AND BOTH YOU!" 'Token Yellow' said back.
"-BUT I'M ME AND I'M NOT YOU SO I'M ME AND NOT YOU SO YOU'RE YOU AND NOT ME AND I'M ME SO STOP THAT!" 'Ojama Yellow' shouted back.
"-BUT WE ARE YOU AND YOU ARE ME SO WE ARE YOU AN YOU ARE ME SO I AM YOU AND YOU ARE ME!" 'Token Yellow' said back.
"-AND I AM MYSELF AND YOU ARE YOURSELF SO WE ARE NOT OURSELVES AND YOU ARE NOT ME SO I AM ME AND YOU ARE YOU!" 'Ojama Yellow' shouted back.
"I THINK YOU TWO NEED TO CALM DOWN," 'Token Black' says from beside them as he did push ups on his card.
"YEAH THIS IS GOING ON TOO LONG!" 'Token Green' said lazing on his card.
"Shut up!" Alexis yelled at her new tokens.
"Now I play 'Polymerization' to fuse my 'Ojama Green' and 'Ojama Black' to summon 'Ojama Knight' (0/2500)." He yelled as an armored version of 'Ojama Yellow' appeared on the field.
"HEY YOU TWO ARE ME!" 'Ojama Knight' said in a more posh version of 'Ojama Yellow's' voice.
"NO WE ARE US YOU ARE YOU!" 'Token Yellow' yelled.
"NO I AM ME! YOU ARE YOU! AND HE IS HIS!" 'Ojama Yellow' yelled.
"I will kill you all!" 'Cyber Prima' yelled at the three monsters.
"Now I play 'Unstable Evolution'!" Chazz yelled as a man's tortured scream seemed to erupt from the card. "To raise my 'Knight's' attack points to 2400!" (0-2400/2500). " Now I use' Megamorph' to double his attack!" (2400-4800/2500) 'Ojama Knight' attack 'Cyber Prima'!"
"I activate 'Doble Passe'!" Alexis yelled. "Now your attack becomes a direct attack (Alexis LP: 8000-3200). "And now you take damage equal to my 'Prima's' attack!" (Chazz LP: 6700-4400). "And now your monster loses its effects!" ('Ojama Knight 4800-500/2500).
"I'll still win this!" Chazz yelled. "I play a card and end my turn!"
…
"This is taking too long! I'm gonna miss the farmers market!" Yuko shouted to no one, and fully aware that no such farmers market existed. She'd searched this entire side of the beach and the cliff sides, nothing. That meant that it was hidden on the other side. She sighed, and started her run to the other side of the beach.
…
"It's a ten card OTK, how is it not tearing up nationals?!" Midori yelled sarcastically.
"Ten card OTK?" Syrus asked.
"What Chazz just tried to pull is a cult classic move used in casual play for shits and giggles." Midori clarified. "You can see why no one uses it seriously."
"Yeah, it wasn't very efficient." Syrus said.
"OH I know that one!" Camula yelled happily. "Rose showed me on the internets, All Hail Rata!"
"Who's Rata?" Syrus asked making everyone look at him like he was insane.
"He's a famous TV personality who reviews archetypes. He invented the move for fun, thinking that no one would use it." Midori said.
"He also invented 'Shapesnatch' turbo and 'Snapesnatch' FTK," Bastion added. "He is truly one of the most innovative duelists of our time."
"How come I don't hear about him more often? He sounds like he would be pretty high up there." Syrus asked.
"He's based out of Montenegro, so even though he's not big in Japan yet, Europe and most of Russia is where he's most prolific." Midori explained.
"The wiki describes Ratamakafon or Rata rather accurately as "a 22-year-old Slavic man with looks that range between 8 and 35 years old, depending on the weather." Bastion said reading off Rata's TV-Tropes page.
"Oh cool," Syrus said. "I'll get Yuko to show me him, we can make a sleep over out of it!"
"I don't see why not." Yuko huffed from the shoreline.
"Did you find the Shadow Charms?" Syrus asked.
"No, not yet. Headed to the other side right now." Yuko said, and made for the other side.
"Well we should get back to-oh hey the duels over," Bastion said finally looking up from his PDA.
Everyone looked over to see Chazz was lying on the ground with Alexis stomping her foot into his stomach repeatedly. "And now that's over," She said before the island started to shake and the keys on Chazz's necklace started glowing.
Yuko returned to the group with the bag, placing the circlet on her head. "Where's Chazz, I'm gonna beat his face in with the rest of these." She asked. The island shook harder. "What have you fucking done?!" She yelled at Chazz.