Sekhmet: I love writing for white Syrus, even if he doesn't win every argument.
Susano-o: I like Princess Rose, her design is just very appealing to me and I like her deck. FROGS WON WORLDS!
Sekhmet: Yes, But not these specific Frogs. I had a lot of fun looking up the slang for her. I think Noid May be my favorite.
Susano-o: Yo-Noid! Hahahaha
Sekhmet: On with the show.
Duel 39: How We Got Away With Assault (Again)
"What do you mean we can't prove they attacked us!" Alexis screeched as Crowler plugged his ears.
Crowler hissed. "You have no evidence besides what you all say and the Black Knight's all say they didn't do anything," He explained. "It's hearsay, so neither of you can prove anything."
"What about Bonaparte?" Chazz yelled. "He was kicked into the ocean!"
"He fell in," Crowler said shrugging.
Chazz growled. "You're gonna let them get away with this again!" He yelled.
"Yes," Crowler said waving him off. "You can go now."
Alexis and Chazz snarled as the left the room, deciding to return to their master and see what their next course of action was going to be.
…
The inner circle sat around their table, looking like people who had been through a meat grinder.
"So," Sartorius said looking over his cards. "Does anyone have a plan?"
"I have one," Bastion said nervously. "It will hopefully prevent any further incidents of violence."
"What?" Syrus asked annoyed, he had had the least amount of damage, but he had been hung by his underwear in a tree and had been forgotten in the scamper back to the dorm.
"We play on Rose's useless lesbianism," Bastion explained. Three of the others nodded in agreement but Sartorius looked confused.
"Useless...lesbianism?" Sartorius asked.
"Rose has a...condition?" Alexis paused. "If she sees a woman she thinks is attractive, she shuts down," She explained. "It can be as mild as just being a stuttering mess or a complete shutdown."
"...It's really that bad?" Sartorius asked.
"Yes, she was completely unable to duel me or Camula the first time she saw us," She explained. "Worse still she couldn't even think about asking me out without shutting down entirely, if Harrington didn't issue a challenge to her she would never have been able to even get a date with me."
Sartorius looked dumbfounded. "How can The Devil have a flaw like that?" Three shrugs was his only answer. "Ok, so how do we take advantage of it?" He asked.
"Princess Rose," Chazz said throwing down the girls file. "She's the exact type Rose would go for."
"Absolutely. She'd get blue balls just looking at her." Syrus added.
Alexis snorted at that. "Crude," she said glaring at Syrus.
"Well you're here, so it's not like her dick's going anywhere else." Syrus snipped.
"You have no sense of decency," Alexis snarked. "And how are you so sure?"
"What, are you worried she's possibly getting some side snatch? You basically broke up with her when you joined the Society and she didn't. If anything, she'd rebound just to make you jealous." Syrus said.
"She's a freak and a deranged lunatic, but I doubt she's seeing anyone so soon," Alexis said glaring daggers at Syrus. "She's probably clinging to some useless notion I'll be 'Cured' if she beats me in a duel," Alexis said air quoting the word cure.
…
"So I think we should skin her," Rose said poking a picture of Alexis. "Then douse her in lemon juice mixed with salt."
"You're gonna go serial killer on her? Make a suit of her skin or something?" Yuko said.
Rose blinked. "Ok one, no I didn't mean all her skin," She said. "And two, no more scary movies for you."
"Better rub some lotion on her skin then. Or spray her with a hose at the very least." Yuko said.
Hassleberry shifted nervously, he was starting to think he would have to become the voice of reason for these two, a job he was woefully underqualified for. "Sarge, Corporal," He said getting their attention. "Let's look at some less permanently scarring options for her, you don't want to end up in prison right?" He added once he saw the looks they were giving him.
"Eh, cultists go to prison all the time. At this rate, we'll all end up there." Yuko said.
"He's right anyway," Rose said crossing out that plan, the next one though made her eyes went wide. "Oooh," She said smirking. "This is a good one," She said showing it to them.
"Well just make sure I'm not in the room when that goes live. I don't need to see that." Yuko grimaced.
"Yeah doesn't that seem a little personal Sarge?" Hassleberry asked nervously.
"Nope it's perfect!" Rose said laughing evilly, Hassleberry just shook his head.
…
"Finally if you keep talking like that," Alexis said glaring. "I'm going to smack you."
"Whatever makes your cold little raisin heart happy." Syrus said. Alexis reared back and smacked him hard.
"Ah, cold and dry, just like your cunt." Syrus grinned.
"At least I could find some dick," Alexis snarked. "The only ass you'll ever tap dumped you harder than your brother," Chazz and Bastion hissed at that.
"Ouch, oooh, SUCH an insult." Syrus said, nonplussed at an attempt at a personal attack. "Like I've never heard that before."
"Well get use to it," Alexis said. "Odds are you'd have better luck actually getting with 'Thunder Nyan-Nyan' than finding another girl to put up with you."
"Oh, you really do have a stick up your ass, don't you? Then again, you would know best." Syrus snarked. "After all, you're the one who was fucking the freak in the first place."
"You also fucked a freak with multiple personalities," Alexis threw back. "We were all surprised you didn't end up dead or insane like she is, did she bite your ass too hard and now your hemorrhoids hurt?" She asked smirked. "Is that why you're so cranky?" She asked in a mocking baby voice.
"Believe me, it was worth it. I can see that it wasn't for you though. So sad that you were so unsatisfied with whatever she was sticking up you that you gotta take it out on everyone else."
"Oh it was good," Alexis smirked. "Unlike you, she knows how to make a girl cum you two pump chump,"
"Self projecting I see." Syrus just held a shit eating grin the whole time, clearly unimpressed with anything Alexis tried to hurt him with. Unfortunately, before the insults could continue, Sartorius spoke up.
"As...fascinating as this is," Sartorius said sighing. "Let's move on, please send Princess Rose and...Rose a message to met in the arena...winner gets control over the Ra dorm."
...
"Ah, feels good to burn something of worth to an enemy. Now I know how Atem felt in his early days." Yuko said, stretching her arms. Luckily for her, she hadn't smoke loaded her Dark Priestess costume, so she couldn't be linked to the burning. She stuffed all her hair into her habit, and slid down the mask.
"Yes, it does feel good to destroy another's property." Camula agreed, also in costume. "So who's going first?"
"I will. You should check Syrus' wastebasket, there might be more intel waiting for us." Yuko suggested.
"Good idea." Camula said, and slinked off into the night. Yuko let the darkness distort her voice, and went down to the basement, where Lorenzo was kept.
"Hello child. I have a small laundry list of questions for you today. If you are not feeling compliant, Miss Rose has generously given me the tools to test some new theories." The Dark Priestess said with a grin. Lorenzo, who had almost been asleep, went wild eyed and panicked, squirming his way into a corner. "Now now, don't be like that. If you know anything, all you have to do is speak up. Now, my first question. Do you know anything about the structural integrity of your dorms?"
Lorenzo rapidly shook his head.
"Now don't lie to me. You know what the punishment is for lying." The Dark Priestess said, grinning as she gestured to the bucket of cactus needles that she still had. She removed his gag so he could speak normally.
"Of course not! I'm not an architect!" Lorenzo said, more panicked than aggressive.
"Hmmm. Maybe on another day I'd believe you. But today, I really need this information." She said, and carefully picked up a few needles from the bucket with a set of tweezers and examined them nonchalantly. "You know what's interesting about these needles? Each one is covered in microscopic barbs. These are Teddy Bear Cholla needles, picked from cacti in Mexico. They're extremely hard and painful to remove. You see where I'm going with this, don't you?" She grinned. Lorenzo was absolutely terrified at what she could mean.
"Which of the pillars are load bearing?" The Dark Priestess asked.
"I don't know!" Lorenzo insisted.
"Alright, you know the consequences." The Dark Priestess said. She picked up the bucket and walked over to Lorenzo, kicked him in the stomach to make him bend over, and poured a healthy amount of needles onto his back. They ripped through the thin jacket and shirt he was wearing, as they were luxury cloth, and embedded themselves well into his skin. He screamed, it felt like his back was on fire but he didn't dare move.
"Answer the question or I start plucking." The Dark Priestess said, clicking her tweezers. Lorenzo cried, and then screamed as she started plucking out the needles one by one.
"I know you know." She said. "And if you don't, this is just another test to see how much it takes for you to release him."
She didn't know if Sartorius was constantly monitoring the boy to make sure he didn't squeal, and even if he was, she doubted he could feel any of this. It would have been too fair.
"Ok I'll tell, I'll tell!" He shouted. The plucking stopped. "I don't know if they're load bearing, but some of the pillars are starting to rust! They were supposed to get replaced over winter break, but it's been so chaotic that it hasn't been called in yet!"
"Very good. Now, the next question…"
…
"Of course," Rose said looking at the notes. "Sea air wreaks havoc on metal fixtures, don't know why they didn't replace them with stone pillars," She said scratching her head. "You don't even have to paint it."
"Metal's fancy. And it's aesthetics or death over there." Yuko shrugged. "Honestly one of their biggest flaws was starting out in blue. Everything's decorative."
"Ugh," Rose sighed. "Dumbasses," she mumbled rubbing her temples.
"Did we get anything out of the wastebasket?" Yuko asked. Camula handed her a single crumpled note, which she uncrumpled and read. "Well, apparently there are some blue refugees, and one of them is being sent to battle us. A one Princess Rose." Yuko said, and then read it again to be sure. "Rose, she stole your name."
"Eh," Rose said shrugging. "I wear it better," She said confidently.
"Well, are we gonna go fight her or what?" Yuko asked.
"What are the stakes?" Rose asked.
"Ra dorm." Yuko said.
"Oh yeah," Rose said standing up and putting her hat on. "Lets go!"
…
"Hello? Any refugees here?" Yuko asked, entering the old Obelisk arena.
"I'm, like, over here you dummies!" A sharp Valley Girl accent said. Already on the stage was a beautiful young girl dressed up as a royal blue princess, tiara and all. If her dress was light blue, she would have looked like Cinderella. "I was told that, like, some chick stole my name?"
Rose took one look at Princess Rose and shut down, a massive blush exploding across her face.
"Aaaand I have to step in, don't I?" Yuko said.
"Meep," Rose responded unresponsively.
"Gods fucking dammit." Yuko grunted, and stepped onto the platform.
Hassleberry picked up the stunned Rose and walked her to the stands. "It's alright Sarge, not everyone is perfect."
"Uh, I was told I was fighting her." Princess Rose said. "Gag me with a spoon."
"Well too bad, you're getting me." Yuko said, activating her duel disk.
"Whatever you noid." Princess said, doing the same.
"Let's Duel!" (LP:8000)
"And I'll go first!" Yuko said, drawing. "I'll set this monster as well as two facedown cards and end my turn."
"Snoooore! This shouldn't take too long. I'll start with 'T.A.D.P.O.L.E'. (0/0) And that's all."
"Right. I draw." Yuko said. "I'll set another card and another face down and end my turn."
"Ugh, this is so booooring!" Princess groaned. "I play another 'T.A.D.P.O.L.E' and set one card."
"Believe me, it'll get ugly very soon." Yuko said, drawing. "I set a card and end my turn."
"Sarge what is she planning?" Hassleberry asked nodding at Yuko.
"Meep."
"Sam Hill Sarge pull yourself together and just ask her out!" Hassleberry shouted.
Rose blinked then suddenly curled herself forward so she could mumble in peace without watching the duel.
"Princess Rose is gonna destroy her," Alexis said smirking.
"Yeah, and then Rose is gonna destroy Princess Rose," Syrus snarked chuckling. "Poor girl won't be walking right for a week."
"Ok, so I'll sacrifice my two 'T.A.D.P.O.L.E.s' to summon my 'Des Frog' (1900/0), and when he's Tribute summoned, I can, like, summon two more!"
Three large tree frogs appeared on the field. "And now I use "Des Croaking' to nuke your field!"
A ripple of sound blasted across the arena, destroying all the cards on her field. "Now I Attack With all of my frogs!"
The three frogs bit into Yuko. (Yuko's LP: 8000-2300) "And with that, I end my turn!"
Yuko was a nervous wreck on the inside, but she'd be damned if she would let it show. Not in front of the white students.
"Ha she's done," Syrus snorted. "Finally we get to see her taken down a peg."
"Jealous your ex is better than you?" Alexis asked smugly. "Maybe if you didn't play such a shit archetype that required Rose to get Maximillion Pegasus himself to make cards to fix it, you too could be a quarter of the duelist Lorenzo was."
"I honestly couldn't tell you which archetype is worse," Spirit Rata snarked before disappearing again. Syrus huffed and looked away, Alexis grinned at her victory.
"Alright, you wanna play this game? I'll entertain you." Yuko said, drawing. "I play 'Swords of Revealing Light' to stop your attacks for three of your turns. And with that active, I'll set a card as well as two face downs and end my turn."
"Whatever you noid! I draw!" Princess said. "Since I can't attack you with that grody wall in place, I'll just set a card face down and end my turn." (Turn Counter: 1)
"I draw!" Yuko said. "I'll use 'Spell Striker's' ability to special summon him, and then use 'Inferno Reckless Summon' to bring out my other two 'Spell Strikers!'(600/200)
"Oh bag your face! Those little twerps could never take on one of my princes!" Princess said smugly.
"And therein lies the game. See, they may not be too strong by themselves, but with their powers combined, they can kick your ass. I sacrifice all three of my 'Spell Strikers' to summon "The Wicked Eraser'!"
The three spellcasters put up their wands and disappeared. The arena shook violently, and Eraser burst his way out of the ground in a stream of hellfire. (?/?)
"Oh, what is your damage?!" Princess shrieked.
"His damage is that when he's summoned, his attack becomes equal to the number of your cards on the field times 1000!" Yuko growled. Eraser siphoned a bit of energy from each card and roared in triumph.(?-4000/?-4000)
"What is the sam hill tarnation is that!" Hassleberry yelled.
"Oh he's the demon lord of meat," Rose said dismissively.
"I! EAT! YOUR! SANDWICHES!" Eraser yelled. "I EAT THEM ALL!"
"And now Eraser! Attack her Des Frog with Digestive Breath!" Yuko screamed. Eraser popped his helmet and bathed a frog in dark green gas, melting the frog like butter in the microwave. (Princess' LP: 8000-5900) (4000-3000/4000-3000) "I end my turn."
"Take a chill pill! I'll switch my 'Des Frogs' to defense mode, set one card face down and end my turn." Princess said, and then gulped when she remembered she was only making that thing stronger. (Turn Counter: 2) (3000-4000/3000-4000)
"I invented chill!" Yuko screamed, not making much sense. "I draw! I equip the spell 'Fairy Meteor Crush' to Eraser, so he can do piercing damage! Next, by discarding two cards, I can special summon two 'The Trickies'! Two faceless magicians teleported onto the field. (2000/1200) Now attack everybody!"
Eraser melted another frog. (Princess' LP: 5900-3800) (4000-3000/4000-3000) The first Tricky shot a white ball at the remaining frog. The final Tricky attacked Princess directly. (Princess' LP: 3800-1800) "With nothing else to do, I end my turn." (3000-2000/3000-2000)
Princess was panicking now. "They're paying me in Sephora, I can't back down now!" She declared. "I set a monster and end my turn." She winced. The Swords dissolved, the effect ending.
"This is the end for you! Tricky and Eraser, Attack!" Yuko shouted. (Princess' LP: 1800-0. Winner: Yuko) Yuko simply walked off stage.
"Like, I can't believe I lost!" Princess Rose whined.
"Not too obvious," Rose said shrugging. "You're not even using the 'Frog' deck that won worlds."
"There was a 'Frog' deck that won worlds?" Yuko asked.
"Yeah, do you not watch tournaments?" Rose asked. "There's like four things to watch on tv and at least two involve dueling."
"Must have missed that one." Yuko said.
Rose shrugged. "So what do we do with her?" She asked gesturing to Princess Rose.
"Well if her soul wasn't sucked out, then I guess she can go." Yuko said, somewhat relieved that her hair didn't bleach itself on defeat.
"Ok," Rose said before turning to Princess Rose. "Hey you wanna grab a drink sometime?" She asked. "My treat."
Princess Rose looked up from the floor, got up, and dusted herself off. "Like, that would be totally fetch actually." She said with a smile.
"Cool," Rose said smiling back. "Meet me at the Ra dorm at 7," She said standing up. "Alright everyone let's go, we got a dorm to remodel!" She yelled to the crowd, who started cheering about the fact they now no longer had to sleep in tents.
"And What was that about not rebounding so fast?" Syrus chuckled. Alexis just smacked him. "Oh harder mommy." He leered, and then chuckled again. Alexis responded by punching him full force in the groin. "Fuck you you crusty ass bitch." He said, trying to play it off but clearly in way too much pain to do so.
"I'm sorry I didn't know we had a new girl joining the Society," Alexis smirked when she heard how high pitch Syrus's voice had become. "Do you need a pad and some midol, is that why you're sitting like that?"
His pain was too all consuming for a proper response. Alexis just smirked, which then disappeared when she finally realized that they were all gonna be in trouble for failing. "Damn it," She hissed.