Susano-o: I love this boy, he is so fucking extra and so useless. He is the EPITOME of a filler character.
Sekhmet: We has too much fun with this, I imagined a lot more groin kicking in that scene honestly. Don't worry about what's happening to these kids by the way, we have a plan for that.
Susano-o: Blah, he still got what he deserved for creeping.
Sekhmet: I still think it was a bit over the top. On with the show.
Duel 41: Disproportionate Retribution
"Sarge I know you're still angry about what the Blue Girl's did to you back in season 1," Hassleberry said nervously. "-But is this really an appropriate level of retribution, I mean you already left a tub of cat pee in their lobby."
"Yes it is," Rose said smirking as she lowered one of the five girls into the vat of Mcdonald's szechuan sauce.
"I mean at this point you're just wasting good sauce," Hassleberry sighed.
"What you think I'm not gonna make them eat it?" Rose asked laughing.
"That's gonna leave a mark." Yuko said, sipping what looked like blue kool aid from a water bottle. Honestly, at this point she was just an enabler, and acknowledged that she might have a problem.
"So!" Rose said loudly to the whimpering girls. "Where is Sartorius's room?" She asked.
"We don't know!" One yelled and was quickly dumped head first into a vat of kool aid mix, Rose was a lover of irony after all.
"Let the rest speak for themselves," Rose said pulling the now screaming girl out.
"You know, if you continue to be uncooperative, we have to get the Dark Priestess. And that's just not fun." Yuko said. "I hear the last guy was left with a bunch of holes in his back."
The girls whimpered and one spoke up. "It's in the back!" She shouted. "It's been modified into a giant single room, like a church!"
"That's not even ironic I don't think." Yuko said. "I mean we're doing all this to be facetious." She said, gesturing to the basement of the church.
"Well then," Rose said smirking as she let that girl down and threw her into another room. "You've earned yourself a day of rest," She joked.
"Is it really a rest when we're involved?" Yuko chuckled.
"Eh," Rose said shrugging as she got the last four girls down and into their room. "So what do we do now, they haven't made a move in a week, I'm actually getting kinda bored."
"Well we could always be proactive." Yuko said. "Did that drum come in yet?"
"Nope," Rose said shrugging. "We could go capture another person to torture, Lorenzo is kinda done at this point."
"True. And I'm always up for antics." Yuko said, taking another sip of her beverage. "We gonna release him into the wild or…?"
"Oh no, I have a way to fix him first," Rose said, smiling. "I'm not a monster you know," She said chuckling.
"I'd think not." Yuko said.
"Hey guys," Hassleberry said looking at his PDA. "That drum you wanted is here."
"Good." Yuko said with a devilish grin. "But that's a job for the night."
"Nah I can't wait," Rose said excitedly. "Let's do it now, they'll never see it coming!"
"Alright, Alright." Yuko said. "Let's throw your chair in storage and we'll go pick up the drum."
…
"Any reason you ordered 55 gallons specifically?" Yuko asked, rolling the drum down the road.
"I we needed enough to cover the entire lobby and stairway," Rose explained. "That's a lot of lube."
"Oh so this is going in the lobby too, that explains a lot." Yuko said.
"Yep," Rose said sucking the drum into her darkness. "Now let's seek inside," She said climbing up a nearby tree. Yuko followed her up and took out a pair of binoculars to survey the main entrance.
"Hey!" Another voice yelled from another nearby tree. "What are you two doing here!?"
Yuko turned to find the voice. In the next tree over was a mousy looking white student. "What are YOU doing here?" She asked back.
"I'm protecting my Alexis's virtue from miscreants like you two!" He said loudly shouting at them.
"Do you realize how creepy you sound right now?" Yuko asked. "You sound like one of those guys from the white knight subreddit."
"Shut up!" He yelled trying to grab them before falling out of the tree he was sitting on.
"Well," Rose said looking down at him. "That was pathetic."
"Yeah. Maybe whiteknighting was a bit too on the nose." Yuko agreed.
"What are you dweebs doing here!?" Alexis yelled looking down at them from her balcony. "Are you spying on me! That is so creepy!"
"Oh joy and now CuntHead is here," Rose said smacking her head on the tree.
"Well he was, you're not worth the stain on our eyes." Yuko said, pointing to the kid on the ground.
"Yeah right," Alexis said glaring. "I'm gonna get you expelled for this."
"I could break your neck you know," Rose said growling.
"It WOULD be the easiest way out." Yuko admitted.
"Oh no you don't!" The boy said standing up. "I refuse to let you harm my innocent Alexis!" He yelled. "I Bob Banter will fight for her!"
Yuko almost fell out of the tree laughing and Rose did fall out. "Well I would be intimidated if you were, well intimidating. Run along, little white knight. There's no pussy to gain here."
"No no no," Rose said laughing. "I'll do it," She said standing up. "I've been needing a good laugh for a while," She said smirking evilly. "I win and I get to snap her neck, you win and I don't snap YOUR neck."
"-But wait doesn't that mean I get my neck snapped anyway?" Alexis asked angry and slightly scared, she could hear an evil giggling behind her.
"Aww she's learning," Rose said leaning on Yuko. "Our little Bitchzilla is growing up!"
"Slowly but surely." Yuko agreed.
Bob gulped but nodded. "I'll do it!" He yelled loudly. "I'll protect her!"
"Then the pact is sealed." Yuko said menacingly. A church bell chimed slowly in the distance as ravens flew across the sky. "Well, let's get going then. I've been waiting for a show like this."
…
"Ok what the fuck," Rose said as she looked at the stadium filled with Society members. "Are you all that bored you came rushing over to see another beat down?"
"You're gonna lose you slacker!" Chazz yelled back. Rose just blinked from sheer stupidity.
"You're gonna die clown!" Yuko shouted back, sheer insanity seeming to line her voice. Looked like Eraser was trying to peek through.
Rose and Bob took their positions. "Let's duel!" They yelled.
"Ok then," Rose said drawing a card. "I play 'E-Emergency Call', then I summon 'Elemental Hero Solid Soldier' (1300/1100) in attack mode, now I use his effect to special summon 'Elemental Hero Woodsman (1000/2000) in defense mode, I'll set two cards and end my turn," She said smirking.
"My move!" Bob said drawing. "I play 'Search Shock' to send a monster card from my hand to the graveyard to add a 'Quiz Hour' to my hand and now I'll activate 'Quiz Hour'!" He yelled as his voice took on a game show host quantity to it. The arena suddenly turned dark and two spotlights came down on Rose and Bob.
"What. the. fuck," Rose said looking around as fog covered their feet.
"Oh what in the fuck is this?" Yuko asked.
"Is this a game show themed deck? Do they make cards for that?" Hassleberry asked.
"Fuck if I know." Yuko said. "Guess they did."
"And now it's time for the greatest show on the island!" Bob yelled. "It's QUIZ HOUR!"
The arena was suddenly filled with light and both Bob and Rose were now situated behind two podiums with Rose's having a button and Bob's being in front of a giant game show board with a bunny girl on top of it.
"And your first questions are," Bob yelled as the spotlight illuminated three cards now facedown on his field. "Slifer 10, Ra 10, and Obelisk 10, for those of you at home, they're actually monsters, with 0 points."
"Is this actually happening? Because this'll be a cakewalk." Yuko said.
"I guess so. Out of everything I've seen, this has to be one of the weirdest duels I've seen." Hassleberry agreed.
"Ok then?" Rose said annoyed. "Fine let's go," she said drawing her next card. "First I get a 'Polymerization' from 'Woodsman's' effect and I'll summon, 'Elemental Hero Heat' (1600/1200), and he gains 200 for each 'Elemental Hero' I control so that's an extra 600 attack (Heat 1600-2200/1200) and I'll give him 'H-Heated Heart' to add another 500 and give him piercing damage (Heat 2200-2700/1200). "'Woodsman' to attack mode and 'Heat' hit that 'Slifer 10'!" She ordered as 'Heat' threw a fireball at the facedown card, destroying it and hitting Bob with the afterburn (Bob LP: 8000-5300).
"And here's your first challenge!" Bob yelled as the card panel attached to the 'Quiz Hour' panel. "Your challenge is, do 20 push ups in 10 seconds!"
Rose blinked. "Are you serious," She asked confused.
"Uhhuh." Yuko said bewildered. Hassleberry made a similarly confused noise.
"Ok then…" Rose said hitting the button and started doing the push ups, finishing them pretty quickly. "And that's that," She smirked as Bob hissed in pain from his cards effect (Bob LP: 5300-4800). "Now 'Woodsman' attack 'Ra 10'!"
"Your challenge," Bob said as the card exploded. "Say "Gagagigo", "Giga Gagagigo" and "Gogiga Gagagigo" 3 times."
"Got it," Rose said smirking. " 'Gagagigo', 'Giga Gagagigo', and 'Gogiga Gagagigo' 3 times," She said.
"That's not what I meant!" Bob yelled.
"Too bad," Rose laughed. "All comments must be submitted in the form of a haiku," She laughed at Bob took the damage anyway (Bob LP: 4800-4300). "And finally 'Solid Soldier' hit the last one!"
"Alright," Bob said glaring. "Challenge, Name the three cards needed to activate 'Huge Revolution',"
"'People Running About', 'Oppressed People', "United Resistance'," Rose said quickly.
"Correct," Bob said annoyed as he took the damage again (Bob LP: 4300-3800). "Now we get the second set, Quizzer Panel 20's!" He yelled as three new cards appeared. "And now I go!" He said drawing a card. "It's time for our bonus game 'Right or Left Quiz!' He said activating a spell card. "Here's how it works, I hold this card behind my hand, and you pick left or right, if you win you get 500 points, if you lose you lose 500 points."
"Ok," Rose said smirking as she glanced over at Yuko.
"Pick left." Yuko mouthed.
"Left," Rose said.
"Correct," Bob said annoyed as Rose gained 500 life points (Rose LP 8000-8500). "I end my turn."
"Ok then," Rose said drawing a card. "I get another 'Polymerization' and play, 'Stratos' (1800/300) and now I get to add another 'Hero' to my hand. "Now I activate "Mask Charge'!" She yelled. "I get to add a 'Hero' and a 'Masked Change' to my hand from my graveyard to summon and I'll use it to summon 'Masked Hero Divine Wind' (2700/1900)," So go 'Strato' hit 'Slifer 20'!"
"Challenge, Answer how many turns have passed," Bob asked.
"Ok that would be 5," Rose correctly answered and Bob hissed as he took the damage (Bob LP: 3800-3000). "Now 'Woodsman' 'Obelisk 20'!"
"Challenge, what is the total level of the monsters in the graveyard?" Bob asked smirking.
"Mine and yours?" Rose asked, and Bob nodded. "Ok so that would be 4 for 'Stratos' and 4 for the four 'Quizzer Panel's' so that would be 8!" She said firmly before she was declared wrong. "Wait what the fuck?" She yelled annoyed.
"I'm sorry you forgot about the card I sent for 'Search Shock'," He said smirking. "So you take the damage and lose your monster," He said as 'Woodsman' blew up in Rose's face (Rose LP: 8500-7700).
"Alright Jackass, Go 'Heat' 'Ra 20'!" She ordered.
"Challenge, Draw a card and if it has less than 50 letters in its card text you win."
"Ah fuck," Rose hissed knowing her cards had a ton of text on them. "Ok here we go!" She yelled drawing her card. "Ah shit," She muttered as she looked at 'Burstinatrix'. "80," She muttered as 'Heat' exploded (Rose LP: 7700-6900). "Finally 'Divine Wind' attack 'Slifer' 30'!"
"Challenge, hold your breath for 1 minute," Bob said and Rose fell over comically.
"One minute is barely above the average time for a human. This is worrying." Yuko said.
"Sarge can handle it. I've seen her do much harder tasks." Hassleberry said with confidence.
Rose sighed as she shoved her head into the bowl of water that appeared in front of her, Bob started the countdown.
"3...2...1...0," Bob said as Rose came out breathing hard (Bob LP: 3000-1800).
"Now I get to draw a card," Rose said. "And I end my turn."
"My turn," Bob said. "I play 'Hunter Channel' to activate 'Ra 30'," He smirked. "Challenge, I choose a card and you have to guess how many monsters are on it," he said picking the card. "It's the 'Big March of Animals'."
"22!" Rose yelled and the buzzer rang wrong.
"Nope, 27, five silhouettes," Bob smirked (Rose LP: 6900-5700).
"Oh fuck you," Rose snarked.
"Now I play 'Question'," Bob said smiling. "Which monster is at the bottom of my graveyard?"
Rose blinked. "Wait it's that one I didn't see!" She yelled.
"Correct so come on out 'Quizzer Panel 9 (1900/1900)!" Bob said happily as his monster appeared on the field. "Now I get all my 'Quiz' panels back!"
"Oh fuck off," Rose glared. 'Divine Wind' attack the last panel.
"Final Question, name 3 cards that can cause an alternate victory condition."
"Exodia, Destiny Board, Final Countdown!" Rose yelled (Bob LP: 1800-600). "And now we have to go through all this again," Rose hissed annoyed as the panels suddenly reset themselves. "Ok fuck this," She said snapping her fingers. "Za Dark Priestesso!" She yelled.
The lights of the stadium seemed to flicker. Almost unreadable in speed, the Dark Priestess shot up, wrapped Bob in a tight grip, and sunk back down into the hole she came from, all with an insane grin on her face.
"Much better," Rose said smiling.
"That's that then." Yuko said.
"I don't think I'll ever get used to that." Hassleberry said.
"Well then," Rose said walking away. "Let's go everyone," She said smirking. The Black Knights packed up and left, leaving the White students to collectively freak out at the sight of a demon nun that just kidnapped a student.
…
Bob was catapulted into the main aisle of the church. "Oh, where am I? Is...is this hell? Did I go to hell?" He asked himself.
"Ignorant child. You are not in hell. You are somewhere MUCH worse." a voice bounced off the walls. From behind the confession box, the Dark Priestess emerged, her evil smirk not faded in the slightest. "Your world's end draws ever closer."
Bob gulped.
…
"Hello Bob," Rose grinned evilly as she opened the door to the boy's cell.
"W-w-what do you want?" He stuttered backing himself into a corner. "I won't talk!" He yelled.
"Oh don't worry," Rose sung grabbing Bob by the jacket and teleporting them to another room that looked like a blacksmith forge. "I don't want you to talk," She laughed throwing him onto a table and locking him down. "I want you to scream."
Bob started to panic as Rose ripped his clothes to shreds. "What?" He asked as he watched Rose shove a few thin metal rods and blades into the forge.
"You deserve this," Rose growled putting on a pair of thick gloves and goggles.
"What did I do?" He asked before it clicked in his mind. "Wait is this about Alexis?" He asked getting angry when he saw Rose's teeth clench. "You don't even love her anymore!"
Rose suddenly slammed her hand down beside his head. "Do not speak about matters you don't understand," She snarled getting nose to nose with him, and causing him to pee his pants as he looked into her mismatched eyes. "I don't love her, but I also don't like you doing anything to her," She explained backing up again to grab one of the metal rods.
"You Yandere!" Bob yelled before Rose smacked his face. "Let's begin," She grinned like a psychopath as she brought the metal rod to Bob's chest.
….
By the end of the first day, poor Bob was partially covered in cholla needles, had a portrait of Ra's Phoenix Form burnt into his chest and then cooled off with salty lemon juice, had both his ears forcibly pierced, and had been kissed with Coral number 2 semi-gloss lipstick. That was a weird one.
"Damn. He's not cracking. This hasn't happened before." Yuko said. "I think it's time I call in a friend. I'll go get the Dark Priestess. You good with that?"
"Yeah sure," Rose shrugged as she cleaned her tools, barely remembering what she used them for. "'Imma get a taquito."
"Yeah I think we all need a break. I'll have her take over for a while." Yuko said, and went to go "get" the Dark Priestess.
She walked back in with a new air about her. "Hello Bob. I heard that you are a tough nut to crack. My friends have said that you won't spill any information, and that they say you insist that you don't know anything. And I believe you."
Bob was confused by this. "Wait, really?"
"Indeed. I'm here to help you onto the right path." She said, and picked him up bridal style, bringing him into the church. "You see, now that you don't know anything, we have no use for you anymore, and therefore must get rid of the evidence." Bob's relief suddenly froze in horror. "And the easiest way to do that is to offer you up to my Gods. I hope you don't mind if I explain, I don't get to talk about The Trinity as much as I'd like to."
The Dark Priestess went on to explain about a trinity of Goddesses, Aeon, Venus, and The Great Mother, who were supposedly responsible for the inner workings of the universe. Bob didn't catch a lot due to panic, as he was tied to the altar spread eagle.
"The disposal of your body will be efficient, really. First, Aeon will collect your soul and preserve it for as long as it entertains her. Next, Venus will trap your mind in a bubble for her entertainment. Finally, The Great Mother will devour your body entirely, sustaining herself for another hundred years. And then, when your soul is no longer interesting, and your mind is no longer entertaining, and your body has been digested, you will be converted to stardust." The Dark Priestess explained. None of it comforted Bob at all.
"Please, please let me go. If I had known anything I would have told you already, I swear!" He sobbed.
"Oh, it's far too late for that. You've made your choice." The Dark Priestess said. She pulled a small knife out from behind the altar, and frowned. "Rose used up all the good space on the portrait. I'll have to use a different part of the canvas then."
She proceeded to carve a large cut across Bob's forehead, letting the blood drip wherever it went.
"Great Trinity! I offer unto you this sacrifice! May your appetite and recreation be cleansed and filled by this soul! Aeon! Venus! Great Mother! I call upon thee!"
The darkness swirled around her, and the statues above the altar seemed to glow strange colors. Energy exploded outwards from the Eraser statue, forming a very lifelike depiction of him. It roared, and sunk down to devour Bob.
"Wait! What about Prince Ojin!" Bob shrieked, and the depiction stopped just short, close enough so that his Digestive Breath could melt a bit of his clothes.
"So you've got something for me?" The Dark Priestess asked.
"I don't know! I just heard through rumors about some prince that was visiting after
break! I don't know if it's important or not!" He sobbed.
"Very interesting. Miss Rose will love to hear about this." She chuckled, and the theatrics ceased, leaving Bob tied to the altar for the group to retrieve later.
…
"So yeah. I made up a bunch of bullshit and got him to squeal." Yuko said.
"Nice," Rose chuckled. "So when is he coming?"
"An ambiguous 'after break.'" Yuko said.
"Whelp," Rose said smirking as she grabbed another needle. "Let's go figure out when."