Chapter Fifty-Eight
The air was brisk on the roof of the lab, and it was clear that winter was on its way. Despite the sun being high and bathing them in rays of warmth, the lack of a shelter ripped away whatever comfort the sun offered with gusts of biting wind. Bundled in three layers and sporting a heavy coat that touched her knees, Kaoru stood with both hands balled into her sternum as a way of conserving heat. Her sapphire eyes watched closely as the salamander shifted and wobbled on the ledge of the building, and she grinned encouragingly when he tossed her an uncertain, wide-eyed glance. All four of his feet were latched to the concrete for dear life, and his joints bent him slightly downward in open anxiety.
Next to him on the ledge sat Akira, who looked strangely comfortable. It was a weird flip-flop of character, as the tengu was normally of a nervous disposition. The large, black wings at his back were folded properly, and his voice was calm as he explained to the salamander how best to manipulate his own leathery wings. After a few minutes, Akira's right wing stretched, and the salamander copied him slowly. Then the left wing was given the same attention. Though Kaoru had been trying to help the salamander learn control over his new appendages, he was still a bit oblivious of them. As if he forgot they were there at times. It made sense, though. The salamander had been created from a piece of Kenshin's hair, which meant it was only used to what Kenshin was used to. Even though Kenshin had given the salamander wings to assist with its mobility, Kenshin didn't have wings himself. Therefore, the salamander had no clue how to use them.
I kind of think Kenshin only gave him wings because I got so excited about Kiyosato's wings initially.
An amused bubble of laughter was muffled by her gloved hands, and she glanced over her shoulder. Standing next to and slightly behind her, Kenshin watched in silence, and the expression on his face was serious and slightly brooding. The happy grin on her face slowly melted, and she worried her lip. Recently, Kenshin was silent and brooding most of the time. Without a moment of pause or hesitation, however, his intense violet irises shifted from the salamander to her, and her chest fluttered nervously. He didn't smile, but ever-so-gently his left hand lifted to flatten between her shoulder blades. There was something different about his gaze now, something penetrating and keen. Slight movements of his deep pupils studied her eyes, and he waited patiently for her: to speak; to move; to initiate. Air caught in her chest, and she gasped out a question in an attempt to avoid the strange discomfort that had somehow developed between them.
"D-do you think he'll be okay? What if he falls?"
The hand at her back relaxed to slide a little lower to under her shoulder blades. Through his touch, heat warmed her body back to a more comfortable level.
"He'll be fine." His voice was low and quiet. Another new development that disturbed her heart. "Even a fall from this height could not physically harm him, though it would force him back into a dormant state for a time."
"Don't worry." On her other side, Tomoe smiled warmly. "Akira-kun will not let him fall."
Kaoru's uncertainty washed away as she eagerly fell prey to the distraction, and she grinned at Tomoe with a knowing smirk.
"You're right, Onee-san. Akira-kun is really reliable."
A slight tinge of red darkened Tomoe's nose, and she softly cleared her throat before turning her gaze back to the two on the ledge.
"He certainly is."
Girlish giggles lightened the atmosphere, and Kaoru stepped away from Kenshin to hug Tomoe with a bounce of delight. Abruptly abandoned, Kenshin's hand remained in the air for a moment longer than what would be natural, before it slowly lowered back to his side. On the ledge, both Akira and the salamander turned to see what was going on. A raspy puff of fire escaped the salamander's mouth in what could only be described as amusement, and the tengu smiled warmly.
"That's so great! How often do you go out? What do you do? Has he taken you flying?"
Tomoe turned her chin away, but the suppressed curl of her mouth spoke of pride and joy.
"I'm sorry, sweet girl. It would not do to share such private details."
The stormy dark eyes of the crow demon focused back on his charge in embarrassment when he realized what they were talking about. Then decided he needed to be anywhere but there at the moment.
"S-shall we give it a try?"
Golden eyes shot back to Akira for a second of petrified fear. A visible swallow worked the salamander's throat, but he nodded in agreement. He was a protective charm, after all. His sole purpose was to charge headfirst into danger in order to protect his bearer from harm. Another glance was thrown at Kaoru as she chatted animatedly and directly at Tomoe, and his chin lifted slightly higher. If it made him better at protecting her, he would do anything. Another more decisive nod jerked his head, and he turned away so that he was facing towards open air.
"We'll take off together. On the count of three, push off hard to make sure you're not thrown back into the side of the building."
Their jump from the ledge took the heat off of Tomoe, and Kaoru gasped and ran forward to lean out over the small half-wall. It was tall enough that she had to hop up, and her feet dangled as she strained to watch the salamander and Akira position themselves into a controlled dive. Nearly at the same time, two strong hands wrapped around her waist and Kenshin's voice was slightly sharp.
"Kaoru, be careful."
"I was just watching." Immediately defending herself, Kaoru pouted as Kenshin forced her feet back onto the ground.
"But you could have fallen." One firm hand wrapped around hers to keep her at his side. "I don't have any way of saving you from that yet."
"I…" The something-that-was-off clouded the beautiful density of his violet irises, and a restless instinct she couldn't pin down fluttered in her stomach. Another, no less potent emotion sank her stomach with guilt. He looked terrified and she didn't know why. "I'm sorry."
"Really, Himura-san. You worry too much." Tomoe broke in as a mediator, and her soothing voice relaxed Kaoru's tensed shoulders. "She only wanted to watch her little salamander learn to use his wings properly. She knows to be careful, right?" Kaoru nodded readily, but even as she turned puppy-dog eyes up at Kenshin in hopes of appeasing him, her heart sank to see nothing on his face had changed. In fact, his brooding look was even more brooding now. "Even if something did happen, Akira-kun could have gotten to her safely."
"You're the one who told me to stop relying so much on others." The retort openly stung Tomoe, and her features lifted in surprise. She, however, could not deny his words. "Kaoru is my responsibility. I will do what I must to protect her."
Tight air stuck at the base of Kaoru's throat, and she yanked her hand out of his.
"I'm not a child! Or a chore!"
As she yelled, she stepped back so that she was standing closer to Tomoe. A slight crease on Kenshin's features broke the stoicism of his expression.
"I know that. That's not what I meant." His voice returned to a quiet, almost defeated tone, and his chin turned away to cast his gaze out into open air. "I'm doing the best I can."
Instant shame soured Kaoru's burst of indignation. She knew Kenshin cared and worried for her, but something had changed. What used to be so easy and comfortable had turned into something edgy and out-of-sync. She wanted her happy Kenshin back. She wanted that sweet, new love that she had grown used to. He still treated her with great care and gentle hands. He still looked at her with an attentive gaze, but his demeanor towards her had… lessened. At the same time, his protective nature had kicked into overdrive.
"Oh, look. They've come back."
The interruption felt forced as Tomoe turned Kaoru toward the tengu and the salamander. Though the blood-red fire beast still looked a bit uncertain, he was doing quite well with keeping himself airborne. Inhaling deeply to fight back emotion, Kaoru left both of them standing by the ledge to instead skip further inward to a safer middle-portion of the roof. Behind her, Kenshin's violet eyes peered from behind flame-red hair and followed her wistfully. A few wide circles helped the salamander practice a glide to rest his wings, and then he angled tight to aim for the widest portion of space to land. Unfortunately, that placed Kaoru directly in his path, and he screeched as he realized he was coming in too fast. Kaoru, however, opened her arms wide to catch him.
His weight crashed into her, and she pitched backwards hard. Suddenly, Kenshin's arms were wrapped around her before she could hit the concrete, and she landed on him before all of her weight plus the salamander's slammed her onto her backside between Kenshin's spread legs. For a moment, she forgot that they were fighting, and giggled as the salamander struggled in her arms. A heavy sigh from behind her reminded her quickly of recent tensions, and the giddiness she was feeling froze in her chest. Instead of scolding her, though, his forehead leaned into the back of her skull. His arms briefly tightened around her before he let her go.
Hopeful fluttering tickled her ribs, and when he moved to gain his feet, she glanced up at him from her still seated position. Their eyes connected, and she immediately took the hand that was offered to help her up. Nothing about his expression had changed from earlier, but he wasn't ignoring her. He wasn't punishing her by removing his attention from her. No matter what he was feeling, he was still so very attentive. Still in her arms, the salamander adjusted himself to a more comfortable position, and she corrected his weight once she was upright. In a break of his somber mood, Kenshin's violet eyes narrowed slightly on the charm he had created, before his red lashes closed.
"He's a damn nuisance." He said it more under his breath than openly, but it sounded a bit more natural. Enough so to make Kaoru grin. Taking all of the salamander's weight onto one forearm, she wrapped her other arm around Kenshin's waist and hugged him tight. He returned the favor by rubbing a hand up and down her spine apologetically.
Landing a short-ways away on quiet feet, Akira chuckled nervously.
"We'll need to work on that landing."
"How did he do?" Staying where she was, Kaoru stretched her neck around the large red lizard head resting on her shoulder.
"He took to it fast. He needs a lot more practice, but we'll need to take it slow for now. He's not used to using his wings, so they can't support him for very long yet. Once he's built up some stamina for them, he'll be able to use them without a problem."
"Great." Kaoru beamed. "I'll get permission from Megumi-san to bring him up here once a day or something."
"Ah, if you don't mind, I can bring him up here for you. I'd like to continue flying with him, at least for the first couple weeks." Kaoru's enthusiasm wasn't a bad thing, but Akira knew that she was rather impulsive. It was also cold on the roof, and her skin was reddening from the wind's stinging touch. Not to mention, Kenshin's features, though hidden by his hair, frightened him a little.
"That sounds great! Please!"
The hand at her back pressed against her just enough to urge her forward, and Kenshin turned her towards the door.
"We should go back inside, Miss Kaoru. You're starting to shiver even with both of us warming you."
"Oh, alright."
Tomoe looked at her watch and followed close after. "It's time we head back anyway. Megumi-sensei wanted to perform some experiments on Kaoru's voice this afternoon." A soft smile was aimed at Akira as she passed, and he returned the stolen glance with a slightly stiff but happy grin. He had left his daitengu mask in the host lab on purpose. Per Tomoe's suggestion, he was trying to get used to going about without it. Having her beside him made it easier. It also helped that she never judged him during those times when he needed it as a symbol of security.
"You don't have to carry him all the way back."
Kenshin's quiet voice was aimed at Kaoru as they piled onto the elevator, but it was an obvious reproach meant for the salamander. The cat-sized beast had decided that he liked being carried, but instead of perching on her shoulder as was normal, he was hugged to her chest like a toddler. Both front legs were braced on either of her shoulders, both hind legs bracketed her waist, his large chin draped just over her back, and his weight rested on her forearms where she had them wrapped under his thighs. Both red, leathery wings hung over her arms in full relaxation.
"It's alright. I don't mind."
"But he needs to return to his dormant state, or he won't replenish his energy." Now there was just a bit of resigned reproach in Kenshin's tone that Kaoru chose to ignore.
"He just wants some cuddles for doing such a good job. Don't you?" Kaoru's voice dropped into baby talk, and she giggled when the salamander butted the side of his head into hers. Beside them, Tomoe covered her mouth to giggle as she studied them openly.
"He looks more like your child than your protector."
Dark brows raised over blue eyes, and she blinked when Akira offered up his own observation.
"I thought so, too, t-that you look like a little family."
An abrupt but happy blush darkened her cheeks, and Kaoru ducked her chin to hide behind the spiky spine of the salamander.
"R-really?"
The breathless response wasn't actually loud enough for the other two to hear, but next to her, Kenshin's chest felt tight. Angled still with his hand on her back, Kenshin reached up to softly part the dark hair covering her temple. Then planted a gentle kiss on her exposed skin. Love spiked her heartrate, and she peeked up at him to find the slightest smile warming his features. It was the first smile she had seen on him in what felt like weeks, when it had really only been days.
I just… wish he'd tell me what was bothering him.
He insisted that he was fine, and something inside of her warned not to press the matter. An old memory of her mother had reminded her of how her parents had handled their relationship. Instead of demanding or forcing it out of her father, her mother had explained that he would let her know what was wrong when he was ready. It took a lot of patience and trust, and she hoped it was also the right thing to do in her own current situation.
Leaning her shoulder into his chest, she tried to offer him affection in return. Whatever was bothering him, she wanted to make sure he knew that she did love him. No matter what.
The salamander only returned to his dormant state after they were back inside her host lab. With the long-braided charm swinging from her ponytail, and the heavy coat shed, she pulled Kenshin by both hands into the rec room with a large grin. In the elevator, she had decided that she didn't want to continue letting Kenshin's mood affect her own. If he was dealing with something that he couldn't talk to her about yet, then she could at least act normal to help him feel more at ease. Getting upset with him only seemed to add to the tension, and was quite possibly shutting him off from her.
"Megumi-san said we're doing karaoke! Want to sing a song with me?"
Red eyebrows lifted in surprise, but though he did try to smile for her, it was subdued.
"I don't have much of a singing voice, Miss Kaoru. I'd only ruin how pretty yours is."
Kaoru's lips pursed, but she shrugged in feigned indifference.
"Ok. Plan B is to sing the sappiest love song I know just for you."
He didn't seem to know how to react to that, and appeared caught between surprise, embarrassment, and joy. At least it wasn't a somber expression. Before she could tease him some more, Megumi interrupted them.
"That'll have to wait for now."
Already inside the rec room, Megumi was setting up the miniature karaoke machine she had purchased for their use. Apparently, it was to be added to the break room for her employees afterwards, and put down as a business expense.
"I want to run some tests on just you first."
Kaoru held onto Kenshin's fingers, but turned her head to look at the fox demon curiously.
"I can't use my sappy love song for your test?"
Out of the corner of her eye, she watched Kenshin look down to hide a smile. It was working! Acting normal had apparently been the right decision.
"If it's what you end up singing, then fine. However, this isn't just about your voice. I want to see why you sing certain songs for different people and if it affects everyone or just the person the song is aimed at."
"Oh… do you think it's that specific? I thought I was just singing whatever."
"Did those other two idiots ever act affected, the way that one, Shishio, did?"
Kaoru thought on it for a second, and glanced at Kenshin when his hands pulled out of hers. Mentioning Sōjirō, even without actually saying his name, always put him in a bit of a bad mood.
"No. I guess they didn't. It was only Shishio, but… I suppose he heard me more, since our rooms were across from each other."
"And did you really just sing 'whatever'? You mentioned that you couldn't stop yourself from singing. That you could feel his emotions inside of you. Was it only with him, or have you felt that way with anyone else? Any of us?"
Sapphire eyes blinked. "I… hadn't really thought about it. I didn't really have anything else to focus on but him at that time. I thought… it must have been because he was so vocal with his tantrums." Scratching under her eye, Kaoru chewed her lip and thought hard about what she had sang for that damaged soul she had known mostly through locked doors. "They weren't happy songs… mostly they were… sad. Now that I think about it… a lot of them were about death." Her face twisted in disgust, and she shivered. "They made him happy."
"Hmm, morbid." The reply was nonchalant, and helped Kaoru not fall into past memories. Pulling the chair away from the desk, Megumi sat it directly in the center of the room facing the couch. The karaoke machine sat on the floor beside it. "I want to try some one-on-one first. That seems to be how it worked for you before. Since Ken-sama would be too easy, let's start with Kiyosato-san."
"M-me?" The crow demon looked like a deer caught in headlights, but followed Megumi's direction when she pointed.
"Sit on the couch. That's right. Now, the rest of us will leave the room, and the door will be shut so that there are no distractions. I've also set up a camera, as you can see, that will record your singing and any physical reactions that occur. We'll monitor that from the other room. Now, get along children."
Megumi shooed the other two out of the room before swinging the large door shut behind them. Left with just the tengu, Kaoru tapped her hands on her thighs before seating herself cross-legged on the chair.
"I… guess I just sing whatever comes to me?"
Akira made a nervous face and shifted awkwardly. Though they sat that way for a good five minutes, Kaoru couldn't say she felt any strong emotions from him that made her want to sing anything. Feeling a bit uncomfortable herself, Kaoru leaned forward with her hands braced on the edge of the seat.
"How long have you and Tomoe-neesan been dating?"
Dark eyes shot up to her, and he stuttered with a slight blush.
"O-oh… well… a-a couple of months."
"Whaaaat?! That's great!" Kaoru grinned. "How often have you gone out? Does work get in the way? I hope not."
"Oh, we've been out a-a few times…"
"Good." Kaoru nodded in satisfaction. Talking was easing him up a bit, but she still didn't feel anything in particular that made her want to sing.
"…a week." He finished his sentence quietly, and Kaoru's eyebrows lifted straight into her hairline.
"A few times a week?!" That meant that got along really well. Ecstatic for them, Kaoru whistled teasingly, and watched the tengu cover his face with one hand bashfully. A moment later, and her joy dampened. Slowly, the smile slid from her face, and her head tilted to one side.
"Why don't you feel good enough?"
Stormy dark eyes widened on her and stayed as if frozen. The flame blue of her irises glowed like mesmerizing orbs, even under the bright lights. Ivory teeth bit down on her bottom lip, and Kaoru broke eye contact to look down into her lap.
"Your song is so sad, Kiyosato-san. I don't… I don't want to sing it." A soft, gasping breath filled her lungs, and she leaned to one side to pick up the tablet Megumi had left next to the karaoke machine. "I've got a better one instead, okay?"
The song she chose was encouraging, but also understanding. While it played, Akira's mind was filled with confidence and all self-deprecating thoughts vanished as if silly. They did not necessarily disappear, and were waiting for him once the last note faded into the air. However, the sensation she had birthed remained, as if as a reminder of what he could do and feel if he kept putting in the effort. If he allowed himself to trust the positive emotions of those around him.
After the song ended, Kaoru seemed to realize what she had done and winced.
"Wait… did I mess up? I guess I was supposed to sing the song you were feeling, not the one I wanted you to hear."
Akira stood abruptly and bowed his head.
"I prefer the song you sang, Kamiya-san. Please don't… sing the other one now."
Kaoru beamed.
"Okay! Oh!" Kaoru stood up as well with both hands fisted in front of her chest excitedly. "You know what?! I just realized I've been singing a lot of love songs when I'm around just you and Onee-san. I bet that's because your emotions have been so strong and I just didn't notice it."
"S-sorry!" The tengu bowed again, this time in mortification, but Kaoru just giggled some more.
"No worries! Love songs are my favorite, and yours are really fun and bouncy love songs." Another thought occurred to her, and she crossed her arms. "Kenshin's love songs are different when I'm around just him." More girlish giggles filled the air, and her cheeks darkened. "I bet everyone has a different style of love song to fit their personality. How fun is that to think about?"
The door popped open as she spouted animatedly about the many types of love language in the world, and Megumi crossed her arms to clear her throat primly.
"Alright, girl, calm down." Kaoru's gaze turned to the fox, and though her lips pursed, she was still smiling. "You seem to be a bit more in tune with what we're looking for, and since you already have a feel for these other two we have here, we need to test if you're actually using a power or just making deductions based on prior knowledge."
"Uh… huh?" Confusion creased Kaoru's face as she didn't quite follow what Megumi had said.
"I want to see if you're actually picking up anything real, or if you're just making it up, understand? Therefore, you'll be doing me next. Now, none of this singing what you want, either. You will sing what you feel. Only I will be able to tell if it resonates with me."
"Oh. Makes sense."
Akira gratefully left, and Megumi sat herself down in the center of the couch and crossed her legs comfortably. Her nose lifted slightly into the air so that she was looking down it at Kaoru, who had also reseated herself. They stared for a long time at one another, and Kaoru bit her thumbnail.
"Um… maybe you have to think about something important to you? You're just focused really hard on me, so I don't really feel anything."
"Hmm… you're learning how to make reasonable deductions." She sounded mildly impressed. "Very well." Cinnamon eyes looked upwards at the ceiling. It still took a lot longer than with Akira, but Kaoru eventually cleared her throat and started flipping through the tablet.
The song was surprisingly gentle in tone, and told a sweet story between a young woman and a soldier. While Kaoru concentrated on the words and sang the emotions beautifully, Megumi's gaze stared as if petrified into her glowing sapphire orbs. She already knew the ending of that song. She knew what happened to the soldier, but she couldn't stop listening. She had to hear it play out. She wanted to relive it over and over again. She wanted the solider to come back, just like he had promised he would.
While Kaoru sang about the young girl crying all alone after learning of the soldier's death, and how no one else cared, she briefly found herself focused upon Megumi's face. Tears streamed down the fox's cheeks in uncharacteristic abandon, and the words dried up with a choked hiccup in Kaoru's mouth. Standing abruptly and walking just as awkwardly over to the couch, Kaoru sat next to the vixen and hugged her with tears of her own threatening the globes of her blue eyes.
Strangest of all, Megumi let her.
X
A/N: If anyone knows what song I was referencing for Megumi's strongest emotional obstacle, you know how sad it is. Just thinking about it while writing the last two paragraphs makes me cry! T^T It's been covered a lot, but it's not really mainstream or anything. Anyway, I'm not going to recommend something so sad, unless you enjoy the angst. It's a beautiful song, just so very heartbreaking.
A couple of readers asked for the song, so I'm adding this note. I like this version best: "Travelin' Soldier" as covered by Aaron Lewis.
I had to work in that part with the salamander being carried like a toddler. Especially since the pretty kitty I've modeled him after only wanted to be held like that, lol. I miss cuddling that little girl. She was so precious, and would just purr and butt her little forehead against your chin. Her sister hates being picked up, so I can't carry her around at all. XD She is a little lap kitty though, so she'll cuddle with me, but only if I'm sitting down. She's such a cutie, too, and is turning 19 this year! Keep on keeping on, little bitty thing!
I thought long and hard about Kenshin and his reactions. It's going to be tough for him, but I also wanted him to showcase how much he's grown up, even since the beginning of the story. He's trying to figure it out, while at the same time aware that he doesn't want to give up what he has with Kaoru. Let's send him good vibes! The next chapter could be good or bad for him, as he learns something he didn't know about a good friend. See you next week!