Chapter Fifty-Nine

There was something about Kaoru's voice. Something that was exciting and soothing at the same time. Something eerie and yet welcome. Something hypnotic. It was not necessarily what Kenshin would describe as a beautiful voice, but he enjoyed listening to her all the same. It was the difference between sheet music played perfectly as written, and a musician making that music their own. Kaoru did not sing perfectly, but she sang with all her heart.

At first, she had refused to sing for him, back when she had been locked in the subbasement after her voice had been released with her pent-up memories. There had been an air of shyness about her then, and no matter how he had begged, she had bashfully refused. It irked him that Akira had heard her sing before anyone else. A fact that made him a bit hostile towards the daitengu. He could forgive Tomoe. He liked to think he could have even forgiven Enishi, if he had heard her first, but it would have been a lie. To know that it was someone so new to their group, however, and another man at that, tickled some buried, possessive part of him that wanted to keep her to himself.

Not all of her, just… most of her. Like the soft smiles that would curl her lips when their eyes connected, or the happy giggles that would sometimes snort from her nose. The deep blue of her eyes that captivated his heart and mind, and the enthusiastic way she threw herself into his chest. He didn't want to share those things with anyone else, even if he knew that he couldn't demand her not to. But that voice had consumed his idle thoughts for too long to let this go. That haunting voice that he still had saved in his phone from nearly a year prior. It called to him. It beckoned him, almost more so than the undulating flame of her pure blue eyes. Even if, at the time, she had only been capable of humming while she drew portraits of him inside of her notebook.

The unbidden memory of that notebook and what else she had drawn inside of it caused his heart to shrivel in fear. A shaky gasp rushed past his teeth before he could stamp down on the emotion, and he jerked his head away from the monitor they were currently watching. Though Megumi had set up the camera for her own observation, the vixen herself had ended up as part of the experiment and was presently inside the rec room with Kaoru. So far, nothing had happened between them. Although Akira's turn had ended almost ten minutes prior, Kenshin still couldn't look at the crow demon without a tinge of anger.

Beside him, he could feel Tomoe's dark eyes when she glanced his direction, and he silently cursed his inability to stifle his internal dilemma. Her voice, when she spoke, was low.

"Are you two fighting, Himura-san?"

"…No." The word was shorter than he had meant for it to be, and he made a face at the wall.

"…I understand that it is none of my business." There was a long pause before a soft inhale. "But please let me know if I can be of any help. I know what I said to you, and I do believe it is good to be self-reliant. But that does not mean you should never rely on others. If it is something that you cannot accomplish yourself, then please rely on us to help you. It isn't a weakness or a burden."

The soft and yet earnest tone of her voice dropped his shoulders, and he took a deep breath over soured guilt.

"I'm sorry, Tomoe-san… for what I said earlier. I know what you meant." A swallow almost hurt over the lump in his throat. "We're not fighting… but I'll think on what you said."

They weren't fighting, but they weren't currently connecting as easily, either. Kenshin knew his actions were creating a rift between them. The problem was, he just couldn't figure out the best way to handle what he had stumbled upon, and it didn't help that he did not have all of the details. He was trying to deal with it, but a sinking part of him was terrified of failing. What his present self now feared more than anything was losing her, but also losing everything he now cared about because of her. Worse yet, a raw and cowering part of him knew that losing her would not happen by her choice… but would be entirely his own fault. It was not only a daunting realization, but a cheerless one at the same time. The pressure threatened to crush his chest with anxiety.

When Kaoru started to sing for Megumi, Kenshin's violet eyes snapped back to the screen in helpless but welcome infatuation. Like a starving fire being fed dry kindling, he clung to her voice without hearing her words. Desperation was making his actions erratic. He could feel it, and hate it, but could do nothing to stop it. He didn't want this doubt, or this confliction. He wanted only her at the center of his world where he could shelter and protect her from everything else. Even himself.

"O-oh my." Tomoe's shaken voice broke from her mouth a mere second before she pushed past him to head for the rec room door. Blinking out of a self-made trance, Kenshin's gaze widened upon the tear stained and drenched face of the five-tailed fox. A moment later, Kaoru's voice halted in a jerk of air, and she too stood to rush the vixen with an awkward offer of comfort.

It was a strange sight, to see the usually condescending woman cry. She appeared vulnerable, and a lot younger than her five hundred years of life suggested. For the first time since Kenshin had known her, a sliver of empathy and compassion emerged in his mind. He hated and feared this woman, for all the things she had put him through. Never once before had he thought her pitiable.

Akira followed him as he too stepped into the rec room, and they found Kaoru uncertainly patting Megumi on the back while Tomoe offered her tissues. The fox appeared lost and a touch confused, in the same fashion as that grass demon had at the summer festival. Kaoru's powers did not easily release those under her influence, and the disorientation of afterwards lingered like a heavy dream. Megumi, however, had a much stronger mental fortitude than most, and after only a brief couple of minutes, she returned to her regular haughty self. With a sniff and a lift of her chin, she cleared her throat and forced her way through the quiver in her voice.

"Well. That is an interesting power indeed." Carefully pushing Kaoru away from her, Megumi stood to walk a few steps towards the opposite side of the room. With her back to the group, she cleared her face with a tissue. "There was something else going on with your eyes. I noticed it with Kiyosato-san as well." An abrupt turn, and she crossed her arms loosely at her stomach to look straight at Kenshin. "Is that what you mentioned had happened at the festival?"

Violet eyes glanced at Kaoru when she ducked her head.

"Most likely. It wasn't as… potent as then, but yes."

"I see." Megumi tapped a finger on her bottom lip. "So, your eyes keep your subject in place while your voice enthralls them with an emotional weakness or desire. I assume, in the wild shall we say, that the end game for a true onibi would be to draw in their victim or lead them off somewhere secluded to then use that blue flame and extract their soul. Have you ever felt that way?"

Kaoru looked startled. "No!" The instant denial scrunched her face in shame, and she looked down at her fitfully tangled fingers. "…M-maybe. Once o-or… twice. But I hate the feeling. I'd never follow through with it."

"Not even with someone you hate?" Megumi's careful words were offered purely to judge Kaoru's reaction, but it rekindled Kenshin's anger towards her. Whatever glimmer of sympathy she had earned through Kaoru's singing had disappeared without a trace.

"Stop it." His curt voice drew her cinnamon irises to him, but there was less detachment in her gaze than he was used to. In fact, she looked nearly upset by his reprimand.

"Not even with someone I hate." Kaoru's calm voice answered despite Kenshin's intervention, and the fox looked quickly away. "It goes against everything I was taught growing up, and even if that life happened over three hundred years ago, it's still mine. I'm still me." One hand balled into the middle of her sternum, directly over the scar on her chest. "I'll gladly protect myself and my friends, but I never want to kill anyone."

"Alright." The word was nonchalant. "We already know that you're not a natural onibi, anyway. In fact, instead of leading others astray, as one would expect from a true onibi, you appear more wired towards leading others straight, as it were. Instead of burying Kiyosato-san in his self-doubt, you chose to encourage him with your singing. Well, it is only one example, but your intentions certainly don't seem malicious."

It was about the nicest thing she had ever said about Kaoru, and Kenshin watched as the young human stood from the couch with a beaming smile.

"Thanks!" The outburst muted quickly, and Kaoru chewed her lip for a moment. "I-I'm sorry I made you cry, though. Did you… lose someone you love?"

"That is absolutely none of your business." The vixen's features clammed up so fast she looked like a judgmental statue, and Kaoru's gaze skittered away.

"Right." A soft cough was muffled by her hand, and her eyes dropped to stare at the floor. A few seconds later, a slight crease formed between her brows, as if she were contemplating something or was confused. Her gaze remained glued to the same spot, but was unfocused. Slowly, her hand came back to her chest to ball at her sternum, but a quick shake of her head seemed to deny whatever had just cross her mind. Then she looked up, and her eyes connected with Kenshin's. "Um… off topic, but… I kind of got a feel for everyone now that I know what this is, and… well…"

"Spit it out."

Megumi's impatient demand earned her a sigh from Tomoe.

"Go on, Kaoru. What's wrong?"

Now the crease of her features twisted into unsure doubt, and Kenshin stepped closer to touch a hand to her arm. Her eyes remained on his, and she licked her lips.

"I don't know… but… it feels like there's someone else here."

Without hesitation, Kenshin turned to head for the entrance, and her soft gasp of protest was ignored. Tomoe directed Akira to follow him, and even Megumi marched off towards the hall to check the bathroom and Kaoru's bedroom. Nothing was turned up after a thorough search of the small lab, and they all uncomfortably congregated back in the rec room ten minutes later. Wrapping a hand around Kaoru's waist, Kenshin pointed a hand down at her shadow in remembrance of how Sōjirō had once hidden in his shadow to sneak into the lab. Megumi, however, shook her head.

"No. The barrier would have noticed anyone trying to sneak in. Besides, it's been months since she's been outside. Are you sure you weren't just feeling someone else in an adjacent lab?"

Kaoru thought on the suggestion, but slowly shook her head.

"No. It's weird, but as soon as everyone left the room the feeling disappeared. And it only reappeared when everyone came back. It's here, it's just… really faint."

Even though Megumi was confident of her barrier, she checked each of them over to make sure none of them were under some type of curse or influence from another's powers.

"Everyone's clean."

Thinking it over carefully, Kenshin inhaled slowly. His voice was gentle when he spoke to Kaoru. "Do you have a song for this other presence?"

Megumi frowned. "Is that even relevant at the moment?"

The coal demon tilted her head and agreed with Kenshin.

"It might let us know whether they're a threat or not."

The logic was sound. When everyone suddenly looked at Kaoru, though, she ducked into her shoulders. "Like I said, it's really faint so… let me… let me think on it."

Deep concentration shrouded Kaoru's features, and she continued to chew her lip absently. After about a minute, a thoughtful expression lengthened her face, and then a half-smile pulled at her mouth. A light chuckle from her chest rekindled some of Kenshin's irritation, and he took her hand even as she opened her mouth to sing the most ridiculous, suggestive, and humorous love song he had ever heard.

Halfway through the first chorus, something entirely unexpected happened. Tomoe was modestly suppressing a giggle behind her hand, and Akira was smiling at the floor. Kaoru was really getting into the words, and was grinning hard enough to mess up her voice. Megumi, however, took two steps forward and slapped Kenshin as hard as she could square across the face.

The room went dead quiet, and Kaoru's jaw remained open as she watched the vixen breathe heavily through her nose. Kenshin swallowed over the pain, and stared at the tears that had returned to this strong woman's eyes. It was only her intense expression of suffering and grief that kept him from reacting, even to voice his indignation.

"H-how dare you." The sting of her fingers was curled into a fist at her side. "Did you tell her to sing that? Did you think it would make me feel better?"

"What are you talking about?" The implication was not only confusing but suggestive of something Kenshin wanted no part of. "Why would I ask her to make you feel better?"

"K-Kenshin." The cold response affected even Kaoru next to him, but the interjection was lost when Megumi's hand raised again. Kenshin's body stiffened to dodge back, but the woman remained frozen in place. A choked breath finally sucked into her throat, and she lifted her nose.

"That's right. I forgot how little you gave a shit during the war." Her opened palm curled into a fist. "What's a rooster to a great and powerful fire demon anyway?" A sneer was aimed at him, and then she turned to walk out.

"I need some air. Tomoe-san, please handle the rest of the experiment."

"Yes, Ma'am."

A deep frown marred Kenshin's expression, and he watched the vixen leave with no small amount of confusion.

"A… rooster?" What a strangely specific thing to say. Why would Megumi be so indignant and angry about a rooster and the war?

But… no…

Kenshin knew of only one rooster.

When his wide violet eyes looked at Tomoe, the coal demon took a breath before folding her hands neatly at her waist.

"You really didn't know." Her eyes closed and her voice softened. "I suspected you did not." The access card hanging from her neck was removed and she offered it to him. "Megumi-sensei's office is on the top floor. That's where she will go. You should… talk to her. It might be good for both of you."

X

Kenshin had never been inside Megumi's office. It was a quiet and empty space. A single desk sat at the center of it, with two chairs, one on either side. Shelves of books lined the back wall, and glass-front coolers lined another and were filled with an array of test tubes and strange beakers. It was slightly cold in the room, but three large windows flooded the space with natural lighting. In the back corner a door stood ajar, and he vaguely remembered hearing that Megumi's living quarters were also on that floor.

Being inside or even near her personal accommodations frayed his already tight nerves. The woman made him nervous and uncomfortable, and his mood was not currently conducive for dealing with any else on top of trying to reconcile all of the clues he had put together about Kaoru's death. This was a different but no less potent situation that he could no more ignore or avoid than he could her. Just as he made up his mind to head for the open door, his eyes were drawn back to the desk and the flutter of dark green feathers.

Overhead, a fan gently stirred the air in lazy rotations. It was by its influence that the feathers shifted away from the large picture frame that they were draped over. As Kenshin drew nearer, he noticed that the feathers were bound together by a string of leather. Further observation revealed wooden beads resting on the polished wooden desktop that were knotted onto the end of the leather string. The beads acted as a counterbalance for the weight and movement of the green feathers hanging over the front.

Without needing to ask, Kenshin recognized what the feathers were. Not only did he intuitively know who they had belonged to, but also what they were meant for. After all, Kenshin had learned how to create a protective charm from a person whose own feathers matched the dark blackish green of the charm he was looking at. That same person had claimed that protective charms worked best when created with a loved one in mind.

Despite knowing, his hand shook when he reached for the picture, and something sick and bruised lodged in his sternum when the glass front was aimed in his direction. It was exactly who he had expected it to be, but the subject matter of the picture still hit like a freight train.

Sagara Sanosuke had looked after him during the war. Not just by watching his back or keeping him safe. Sano had nearly bullied him into accepting his presence, had forced him to eat when he couldn't find the appetite, had talked nonstop at him when he grew quiet, and had set him straight when his anger had lashed out. Sōzō had been right behind him, but Sōzō had been higher rank and therefore more distracted. Nothing had kept the rooster from badgering him.

Did I ever listen to a word he said?

The man had saved his life, and Kenshin knew next to nothing about him.

On the desk, the rooster smiled from out of the picture with such pride and open triumph. Dark green feathers sprouted from his lower back like long tail feathers, and matched perfectly with the traditional wedding attire that he wore. Next to him, smiling in a much more amused fashion, was the vixen. A vixen with only one tail at the time. Sano's arm wrapped around her white clad shoulders, and Megumi was pulled into his side to confirm how happy a couple they were.

"What are you doing?"

The question was sharp, and violet eyes jerked up to stare at the fox standing in the open door. There was anger on her face, and the lightest sneer of disgust. It was an expression he was well acquainted with. One that she wore when her patience thinned and the experiments stretched for too long. For the first time, he believed he understood that expression, and why she aimed it at him. It still caused the slightest tremble of fear in his stomach.

Withdrawing his hand from the picture, Kenshin stepped away from the desk, dropped to his knees, and prostrated himself on the wooden floor. The quiet hum of the ceiling fan emphasized the drone of silence that hung between them, and it took several attempted breaths before he was able to speak.

"I didn't know."

When he tried to continue with words of apology, however, they tangled in his throat. What good would they truly do? How hollow would they sound spoken aloud? He was sorry, but he didn't deserve or expect any acceptance. Especially not from Sano's widow. Instead, his voice lowered, and the words repeated in guilt-soaked shame.

"I didn't know."

"Do you think that makes it better?" Her anger was lashing out, and he welcomed it.

"No."

"No?" Her repressed breathing joined the hum of the ceiling fan for several long moments. "He says no." There was a quiet laugh in her voice; an ill-amused rise in tone that was at once annoyed and sad.

"Sano sent me letters during the war. Can you believe that? Handwritten, hand-carried letters. He told me all about you."

Violet eyes peeked up through his red bangs in surprise.

"And you expect me to believe that he didn't once tell you about me? My husband bragged every chance he got. It was so annoying," her eyes rose to the ceiling, "but I didn't hate it. Everyone I have ever met that knew him first, knew who I was. Even if I had never met them before. How could you not know? How little did you truly care about him?"

Because anything he might respond with would sound like an excuse, Kenshin cast his eyes back to the floor his nose was still pressed against and remained quiet. The truth was, he had cared for nothing at the time. He had hated everything. The trauma from his imprisonment in the Arctic Lab had destroyed his ability to interact with others. The death of his father had kept him from growing attached. At the same time, everything had terrified him: physical and emotional contact; sleeping near or around others; bright lights; cold temperatures; humans; rain; even someone simply talking to him. Eventually, his body's ability to react had simply become too much of a strain, and he had shut himself down. He had cared for nothing… or so he had wanted to believe.

"Well say something! I deserve that much from the man who killed my husband!" Her shout didn't echo in the room, but was instead absorbed by the books and warm wooden floors and ceiling. Both of his hands fisted against that wooden floor as the pain in her voice sounded loud and clear.

"You deserve more than I could possibly offer." The reply was soft and low, and his red lashes closed over sad eyes. Sōzō insisted that Sano's death wasn't his fault, but that didn't change the fact that Kenshin felt responsible. If not for his own inexperience and inability to control his own power, his core would have never overheated. He would have never used more than he could handle to begin with, and Sano wouldn't have felt the need to help him. Like he had always tried to help him.

Sōzō knew about Megumi and Sano. Tomoe as well. Why had they kept it from him? Why protect him?

"Did he mean nothing to you at all?! Tell me that much, damn you!"

Her foot stomped as she yelled at him, and he flinched. Not in fear of her strike, but in fear of her intense pain. She wanted something from him, and even though he had no delusion that what he might say would ease her pain, he spoke because she demanded it.

I deserved every ounce of pain she inflicted upon me.

"I-I did not realize it at the time… but Sano was my best friend." Slowly he sat up onto his knees, but kept his head bowed. "And I was the worst friend to him. I don't remember most of the words that he said to me. I barely know anything about him, but that he was loud, persistent, and one of the best fighters I've ever met. I still don't… know why he tried to save me that day. I don't know why he would run into flames that were too hot for anyone else. I still don't understand how he made it all the way to me without turning to ash first. Not that… it mattered that he made it that far. He still died, and there was still no body left to be buried."

It was quiet again, and then a short, disgusted huff pushed from Megumi's mouth.

"You fire demons really are so very fragile. You're literally made of fire, but overheating your core causes you to meltdown and self-destruct? How ridiculous." The resentment in her voice was replaced by a superior tone of derision. It was much more natural for her, but obviously forced. Kenshin recognized now that it was her own way of dealing with her emotions. "No doubt everyone nearby would have died had you actually failed to stabilize yourself. Which begs the question, how exactly did you manage that?"

A quick glance up found the woman managing her emotions well. Whatever anger she had allowed herself had been battled back down, and though her eyes were ice, they studied him expectantly.

"I'm not very clear on that part." It was partially true, but mostly he had no desire to give her the memory so that she could dwell on it as well. Giving her details of her husband's death seemed cruel.

"Walk me through it." Instead of her usual impatient, teaching tone, her voice was dry but no less commanding.

"Is now really the best time for this?"

Her arms crossed, and she glowered down on him.

"Fine…" If he had to, then the shortest possible response would be all he gave to her. "I overused my power while fighting. My core started to bleed and wouldn't stop. I began to overheat and lost control of my internal temperature. Everything in a thirty-meter radius caught fire. I told everyone to leave, but Sano ran at me instead of away. I felt his hands on my shoulders, I think… he was shouting something at me, but I couldn't hear him. I don't know how, but his proximity absorbed the excess heat from my core. My body cooled abruptly, and I blacked out. When I woke up, Sano was gone, and I was still alive."

"Curious."

There was equal parts grief and interest in her one-word response. Time was given to absorb the information, and then she abruptly turned on the heel of her short pumps to march back towards the open door.

"Get up. Sit down." Her arm pointed at the chair across her desk, and he blinked at her. When he hesitated, she said it again, only slower, and he reluctantly obeyed. At a small table next to the windows, she prepared a pot of soothing-scented tea. A cup was offered to him when she sat down, and she took a slow, savory sip of her own before closing her eyes. By that time, Kenshin was more than uncomfortable and even more confused.

"Did you know that he wanted to bring you home with him when the war was over?" Kenshin nearly dropped the small ceramic cup. "He said you were going to be his brother, like Sōzō did for him. Two uncles would be good for all the kids he wanted to have when he got back." Her laugh was softer this time, but tears welled in her eyes as she stared out the windows. "He also mentioned that you were wounded, and asked if I could help him fix it. I promised him I would."

All five fox tails drooped at her back, and the dark orangish-red of her undercoat glistened with black tips in the light. A swallow fought back her emotion, and when her cinnamon irises looked over at him, they were dry.

"Unfortunately, that wound of yours is beyond my ability to fix… but I did what I could to keep the government from disposing of you. I would appreciate it if you didn't waste my efforts. My time and expertise are very expensive, I'll have you know. If I billed you, you'd be in dept in the afterlife."

Everything had changed: her attitude towards him and her usually prickly demeanor. It occurred to him, that this was the Megumi Sano had known. His death had warped her, and grief was powerful.

"R-right."

"Now, I'm not looking after that girl downstairs for free, even if she is very intriguing."

Although, perhaps she wasn't much different than he was used to.

"Of course."

Megumi leaned back in her chair, and the leather creaked under her weight.

"Sano used to sing that ridiculous love song to me, like an idiot." Another sip was pulled from her tea cup, and she spoke the embarrassing statement without an ounce of humiliation. Kenshin, however, had to turn his head away.

"Sōzō told me that he used to sing it at random during the war. I assumed… you had heard him."

"I probably did, but…"

She cut him off before he could finish.

"He liked human music. Truth be told, I think he liked humans." Her eyes slanted at him. "Would you hold that against him?"

The mention of humans still birthed a strong and almost violent reaction within his body. Every muscle stiffened in defense of that reaction, and his hands shook when he tried to drown his bile with the tea she had provided. Slowly, he was starting to separate his hatred and fear from all humans to the few that had done wrong to him. Perhaps it was too little too late, but being near Kaoru was helping him to heal that part of himself. Staring down into the dregs of his tea, a slow breath pulled into his lungs.

"…I'm hardly one to judge him for that."

"Because you're in love with a human? Quite an interesting plot twist, if you ask me."

Indeed… but I wonder if I was always meant to love her. If it's punishment for…

"Anyway, I assume this is why she feels some faint remains of Sano's power." The sleeve of her lab coat was pulled up, and she showed him her left wrist. Right below the line of her tendon, an intricate symbol glowed against her skin. Though complicated and not easily deciphered, it was a universally recognizable symbol for all demon-kind. It proudly declared that she was married to another, and no one was allowed to touch her. The custom was old, and had fallen out of use.

"It's supposed to disappear when your spouse dies, but mine never did." Gently, her clawed thumb brushed over it, and her voice was nearly affectionate. "It's the strangest thing."

There was a soft expression on her face that Kenshin didn't feel like he was meant to see. Barely a second later, and her cinnamon eyes looked up with a lift of her brow.

"You can leave now. Unless there was something else you wanted to say to me?"

The cup was settled onto the desk immediately, and Kenshin stood. One last glance was aimed at the picture frame, and he bowed his head forward.

"I am sorry… that I didn't know him better."

"Hmph." Sad amusement touched her face, and the fox ears on her head twitched. "I was going to hit you again if you apologized for his death. I'm glad that you at least thought of him as a friend."

X

A/N: A few people wanted to know the name of the sad song that Kaoru sang to Megumi, so I added it into the author's note of the last chapter, if you want to take a look. I also believe there were some technical problems with the site last weekend which made it difficult to leave a review for some of you. ): If you want to add anything into your review on this chapter about the last chapter, I'd like that very much! I always appreciate the feedback, and really just enjoy knowing the parts that you enjoy.

Sorry this chapter is a day late. This was a long week for me. We've been working on fixing up our deck, so I didn't have any time to work on my story until Friday night. By then I was dead tired. I knew this was going to have to be late, but I didn't want to rush it and mess up this revelation for Kenshin. Sorry for the wait on it, but I hope you understand why!

This chapter ended up being mostly about Megumi, Kenshin, and Sano. It was planned that way, but it was also supposed to help Kenshin heal some and progress his emotions towards his situation with Kaoru. Unfortunately, this chapter got to be really long, so I'll save their heart-to-heart for the next chapter. Working in my little details was fun, and I finally got to outline a clearer picture of what happened to Sano. I know I've hinted at it in a few chapters, but it's always good to be specific. I guess I can't really say too much about this chapter, so on to the next! Kenshin sits Kaoru down for a private conversation. I'm definitely ready for some more love. See you next week!