Susano-o: We're back from war.
Sekhmet: WE'RE IN VIETNAM BITCHES!
Susano-o: *Fortunate Son intensifies*
Sekhmet: But seriously, I apologize for us being gone for so long.
Duel 62: Spun Away
"Come on everyone move your tail fins!" Rose yelled waving the prisoners and slaves out of their cages. "We're leaving in five minutes!"
Alexis sighed as everyone seemed to want to thank her rather than actually leave. "It's fine it's fine come on we need to go before they come back."
"Come on, we've spent enough time here! We need to get to Ojama Country and trade Chazzes!" Yuko said, hustling along.
"One does not pop into Ojama Country," Lime said, eating a few of the cage bars to let people out.
"Well, WE'RE popping into Ojama Country." Hassleberry said.
"Umm excuse me," A small child said pulling on Alexis's leg. "Have ye seen my dad?"
"What's your dad look like?" Syrus asked.
"He hath short brown hair, a beard, a headband, and a ie patch," The kid said.
"No, we didn't see anyone like that, but he's probably around." The kid looked sad but Alexis quickly picked him up in a hug.
"We'll find him, don't worry," She said smiling.
"Yeah big question though," Hasselberry said. "Where are we gonna take all these people?"
"General Freed has a base not too far from here," One of them said.
"...Freed is a stupid name," Rose sighed. "Come on then let's go," She clapped. "Lead the way!"
….
"They've been gone for a while," Jim said looking as he watched the grounds from the roof of the school.
"They'll be ok," Axel said from beside him. "Our job is to watch Bastion."
Said kid was going slightly crazy trying to fix the teleporter. It was as if the atmosphere was slowly driving everyone mad, starting to slowly drive people off the deep end with irritation and frustration. Jim nodded and looked up at the sky just in time to see a comet pass by, making him hiss in pain.
"What was that?" Axel asked.
"Nothing," Jim said looking away. "Have you seen Adrian?"
"Not since we landed here," Axel said back. Jim glared at the ground. "Don't worry we'll find your boyfriend eventually," Axel said, sharpening his knife.
….
"Where do you think Nightshroud is?" Adrian asked. The two had somehow made it to the bottom of the school undetected.
"What the hell is a Nightshroud?" Echo asked.
"Did I not tell you about the ooze?" Adrian asked.
"I haven't seen you in almost a week, and frankly I missed you." Echo said.
"Ok so-" Adrian began to explain.
(Ten minutes of the most cocaine packed plot ever conceived and one scene change later)
…
"Everyone ready? Good now let's move out!" Rose yelled as the oldest in the group led the way to Freed's camp.
"So tell me what happened here?" Yuko asked one of the prisoners.
"Our dimension has always been in conflict with the Dark Army, but lately they've been getting more powerful cards and they've started driving us out of our homes," He explained. "They're winning and we'll soon all be slaves."
"Oh wow," Syrus said sadly.
"Yes," The man said. "Freed hopefully has a plan to stop this," He said looking up at the sky. "We must hurry, the Dark Army is active at night."
"Yes!" A growly voice laughed. Everyone turned around to see a red monster holding Kyle with a bladed duel disk.
"Oh great," Rose snarled. "Let him go!"
"No!" the monster laughed. "Brron will love this little snack," He said creepily.
"Is that literal or disturbingly metaphorical?" Yuko asked.
"Yes! And unless one of you is brave enough to try and stop me, I'll get away with it!"
"I'm brave enough!" Syrus said, stepping forward. "And before you say anything Yuko, I can handle this!"
"I was just gonna say be careful…" Yuko said.
"Little little man! You are no match for me!" Scarr taunted.
"Duel!" (LP:8000)
"I'll summon 'Archfiend Soldier', set a card and then end my turn." Scarr said.
"I draw! I'll set a card and summon 'Gyroid' (1000/1000), then I'll end my turn." Syrus said.
"I'll summon 'Fusion Devourer' (1400/1200) And I'll have it and 'Archfiend Soldier' attack your 'Gyroid' (Syrus' LP: 8000-7100) Then I'll activate my facedown 'Fake Friendship Treaty', which prevents you from summoning any monster that's level 4 or below. Then I'll activate 'Hurricane Nest'. Now if you try to special summon, I can send a copy of 'Special Hurricane' from my hand or Deck to the Graveyard to destroy it."
"I draw! I'll use 'Heavy Storm' to clear the back row, then I'll use 'Power Bond' to fuse the cards in my hand to create "Super Vehicroid Jumbo Drill' (3000-6000/2000) And then I'll use 'Limiter Removal' to double his attack again!" (6000-12000/2000)
"That's all for naught! My 'Fusion Devourer' reduces any Fusion it battles to zero!"
"Not if I activate 'Divine Wrath'! This negates your 'Fusion Devourer's' ability and destroys it. Then a replay occurs! Take him out with 'Maximum Penetration'!" (Scarr's LP:8000-0. Winner: Syrus)
"Hehe, Penetration," Rose giggled. Alexis smacked her shoulder while trying and failing to hold back her own smirk.
"What? That's what the attack is called." Syrus said. The ensuing conversation was being carried out with no regard to the dissolving Scarr in the background.
Hassleberry sighed. "You sweet summer child," He said, patting his head.
…
An hour later they finally saw the walls of the camp come into view. Upon reaching Freed's camp, they were greeted by said man and a younger woman who came out after him.
"Gina!" The boy yelled, running over to her, despite Rose's yells that if he was kidnapped again they wouldn't help him.
"Kyle!" Gina cried, and the ensuing reunion was heart melting.
"Thank you for your help," Freed said smiling.
"So what's the whole story about a war Liquid Snake?" Yuko asked, Rose snorted in laughter.
"The Dark Army has laid siege to this world, they have become more powerful recently, and seem now to have a new ally with a much bigger plan in mind," Freed said gravely.
"Well fuck," Rose sighed taking off her hat and running her hand through her hand. "Look I wish we could help, but we need to get to Ojama Country and find our friend….along with our other friend who was yeeted somewhere after we crash landed here."
"Yeeted?" Freed asked.
"Throw violently," Alexis answered. "Maybe you've seen him?" She asked. "Blue hair, blue vest, lavender shirt?"
"No, we don't have anyone matching that description here," Freed said.
"Maybe we'll find him on the way to Ojama Country. God help us if we find him IN Ojama Country." Yuko said.
"General Freed!" A guard yelled. "There's someone coming!"
They all looked towards the gate to see a man that looked vaguely like Solid Snake running towards them.
"Father!" both Kyle and Gina called out as they ran towards him.
"Children…" he croaked. "'Emissary of the Afterlife' attated and captured me, but I was able to escape usung 'Justi-Break'."
"Wait, how is that possible? You didn't summon a monster." Syrus asked.
"What doon ye mene?"
"You said you used 'Justi-Break" on it, but 'Justi-Break' only works when a Normal monster is attacked." Syrus said. "And the card you're based on is an Effect monster, it shouldn't have worked."
"Did we discover a plot hole in the universe?" Lime asked.
"Shut up Lime, or we'll throw you into the void." Rose said.
"Yay! Usually I get thrown into the Fly of Despair." Lime said. Rose groaned and smacked her head.
"So where was the prison?" Hassleberry asked.
"Inside the Dark Castle," Larz responded.
"Seriously why do you three keep speaking in Ye Old English," Rose asked.
"Actually this is more likely Middle English, Old English was more or less a German dialect and would be illegible by today's standards." Yuko said.
"Nerd!" Rose and Lime yelled back.
"We are from another dimension," Gina responded, Rose facepalmed harder. "Where the Dark World is juste a story, until they pulled us into this world as prisoners."
"Another dimension!" Rose yelled. "How many are there!"
"Twelve," Freed answered, Rose yelled. "What else did you see Larz?"
"The Dark Army hath a newe member," He answered. "A boy with dark blue hair and glowing orange eyes."
"...Sarge I think we found Jesse," Hassleberry said. Rose just screamed again.
….
"Ok so here's the plan," Rose sighed. "We'll get Chazz and then go save Jesse, ok?"
"Right!" Everyone yelled back.
"That may be a problem," Ojama Lime said. "See we already passed the entrance to Ojama Country."
"What!?" Rose yelled. "Why did you tell us!?"
"I had sand in my buns," Lime said, pulling out two hamburger buns covered in sand, Rose shoved him inside Jeroid's penis mouth. "Yay! I'm getting a massage!" He yelled as Jeroid started slowly munching on him, his rubbery body making a squeaking sound.
"Ok so now how do we get in?" Hassleberry asked.
"Well the entrance is only one way," Lime said as he was spit out. "So the only way in now is through the…." He said pointing at a nearby archway filled with real life footage of a department store. "Perfume Department." He said ominously.
"Let's do it." Yuko said. Syrus gulped.
They ran through at full speed as photo realistic hands sprayed them with perfume, sending Syrus to the ground in a coughing fit. Rose attempted to jump one of the puffs but was hit by another from above, Hassleberry tried wearing a gas mask that he found somewhere but the hands removed it and sprayed him anyway. Yuko was pulling Syrus through the department as she was bombarded from all sides by scents, this was war and they were running through the jungle.
"Ah!" Rose yelled as they all fell out the other side into a heap on the floor. "I always hate going in there."
Alexis walked through the archway with a raised eyebrow. "You guys are all drama queens," She sighed. Lime then came stumbling out behind them.
"Yeah, but there's a reason it exists. See, perfume liquifies Ojama organs. " Lime coughed, then vomited blood that was the volume of his body. "It doesn't kill us, but it really hurts."
"How do you have that much blood?" Hassleberry asked, stepping away from the writhing Ojama.
"Oh it's not my blood, it's my liquid organs." Ojama Lime said. Hassleberry just shook his head.
….
"Welcome to Ojama Country!" Lime said, giving them a tour. "There's the farting windmills, they keep the Harpies away."
"Do they work?" Syrus asked.
"Well yes, but actually no." Lime said. He was immediately snatched up by a Harpie Lady. "Yay, I'm flying!"
Rose sighed and threw her shoe at the harpy, who dropped Lime and her shoe off with a huff and a mumbled 'Who throws a shoe, honestly!'.
"So what next?" Syrus asked.
"What's that noise?" Yuko asked, and the people became slowly aware of a muffled screaming.
"Oh, that's Ojama Red. He's the town screamer."
"That's a job?" Alexis asked, for once unable to believe something about Ojama's as it was just too ridiculous.
"Yeah, he's the one who screams. When King was giving out jobs, he was screaming before we even started." Lime said.
Alexis just shook her head. "So why is he so muffled?"
"I don't know actually. He's usually a lot louder than this." Lime said.
"Well let's go check it out," Hassleberry said, walking towards the noise, only to find 'Ojama Red' tied to one of the fan blades with his mouth duct taped shut.
"Oh no, the revolution has started." Lime said. "I knew Blue would do this, but I didn't think it would be so soon."
"Why Blue?" Yuko asked.
"See, Blue was the smart one, he always knew something we didn't. His goal was to die to stop being an Ojama, the problem being that Ojamas don't die so I don't know if that makes him the smartest one of us or the dumbest. Anyway he probably snapped and took over. I knew his first order would be to shut up Red, his second order is probably gonna be to throw me into the Ojama Hole."
"Do I dare ask what the Ojama Hole is?" Alexis asked.
"It's a Hole, where Ojamas go, forever," Lime explained like he was talking to a small child. "In the Ojama country being thrown in the Hole is considered a 'Bruh' moment, because you have to mess up really hard to get thrown in there, or be really annoying, but that's not a problem for me."
"So we should probably be pretty careful if there's violence in the streets, right?" Syrus asked.
"Oh probably, watch out for Ojama Silver, he's known for throwing people down stairs. Also don't get into bed with Ojam you wouldn't like it."
"Why is his name said like that?" Syrus asked.
"Nobody knows, come on we should find Ojama Lemon, his riddles will show us the way."
They walked into the town itself to be met with Chazz and Lemon with Ojama King tied to a stake over a giant skillet and fire, bound and gagged as the skillet heated up.
"Attention my loyal subjects!" Chazz yelled. "The Chazz has overthrown this fat king and has now installed Ojamocracy!"
"Yay!" The Ojama's cheered. "What's that?"
"It's where you vote for your new leader every four years," Chazz explained.
"Well I vote for you Boss!" Yellow yelled and Green and Black agreed, the rest of them nodded and were soon chanting 'President Princeton' at the top of their little lungs.
"Well then," Chazz smirked. "I'm honored, but as I have to leave Trashland to return back to my own Dimension, I will leave my friend Lemon here in charge!"
"I am President, this is an honor, now let us commence the feast of this bloated goner." Lemon rhymed as the ropes were cut and the king fell into the pan, cracking open on impact into a giant sunny side up egg.
"Yay no more rock sandwiches!" Lime cheered. The rest after a collective facepalming just went to wait for Chazz by a windmill, as the farting was more bearable at this point than anything else they had encountered.