Uninspired Voyages

A Star Trek: Voyager fanfiction by Andrew J. Talon

DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. Star Trek: Voyager, Deep Space Nine, The Next Generation et al are the property of CBS Television, Paramount and the creation of Gene Roddenberry. Please support the official release.

"Captain's log, stardate 48532.4. We're on our way to a rogue planetoid which Mr. Neelix tells us is an extremely rich source of raw dilithium. If he's right, this could go a long way toward easing our power shortage..."

Captain Janeway walked along the corridor, Shepherd keeping pace just behind her. Janeway shook her head in utter disbelief, though her voice was level and calm.

"I still cannot believe you tried that," Janeway grumbled. Shepherd raised a hand defensively as they passed by other crewmen, who wisely gave the infuriated captain a wide berth.

"In my defense Captain, you asked for means of generating more power," Shepherd pointed out. "And in their defense, Torres, Paris, and Chell were all Maquis. And Kim is so green you could mistake him for an Orion."

"But you aren't," Janeway pointed out. "You're a Starfleet Officer! You're supposed to be responsible!"

"I was," Shepherd stated. "I had a full team of people monitoring the situation and we were careful. Until Torres decided to push it all the way up to one hundred percent-"

"Which is another matter I'll be discussing with her," Janeway grumbled. Shepherd shrugged.

"You did make her chief engineer, Captain."

They finally reached a door set in the same compartment as the mess hall. Janeway paused outside of it, and took a deep breath.

"I understand this crew is still divided," Janeway said slowly, "but while it's my ship, we do things my way. The Starfleet way."

Shepherd crossed his arms over his chest, looking thoughtful.

"That may not be possible in every situation, Captain," he pointed out. "Again, under the circumstances."

Janeway gave him a slight glower, and the spook turned security chief held up his hands.

"I'm not proposing we do away with the Prime Directive or anything like that," Shepherd said quickly, "but a lot of standard regulations designed for ships operating within reach of friendly worlds and bases just aren't going to work out here, Captain. It's going to be messy and difficult to figure out how to handle things and Starfleet principles should be a start. But as you're aware, even back home, the regs do not perfectly fit every situation."

Janeway let out a soft sigh, but her tension lessened slightly. She nodded back to him.

"Granted," she said. "However, if you're going to pull something that crazy? I will be informed first."

Shepherd nodded.

"Yes ma'am," he replied. "You're absolutely right about that. That was definitely my bad."

"My bad?" Janeway queried. Shepherd scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

"A lot of members of Starfleet Intel are old fashioned and use very outdated slang, Captain," he explained. "Hell, my dad was displaced from the twenty-first century due to some weird time travel thing. He never got into the specifics and the details are classified."

It was dawning on Captain Janeway that this crew of oddballs, renegades and aliens was going to be a lot more complicated to manage than she first thought. The idea of simply shunning her security chief and engaging in a pointless power struggle popped into her head, but she banished the nasty thought. As much as she might not like to admit it, he was right: She was going to have to be more flexible on things.

"I see," Janeway observed. She made a decision. "Well! I'd like to discuss that and how to handle security protocols with you over breakfast." She nodded towards the doors. "In the captain's private dining room."

Shepherd blinked. "Shouldn't we get Lieutenant Tuvok here for that, Captain?"

"We'll go over that with him afterwards, but I want to get to know my new security chief better first," she said, offering a smile. "Maybe try to predict you a bit better."

"Thanks, I think, Captain," Shepherd said, smiling back. Janeway turned and stepped towards the doors. They opened... Letting out a billow of steam. She stared in disbelief, as Shepherd looked over her shoulder.

Over the course of their adventure with the Caretaker, they'd picked up a few locals: Kes and a few other Ocampa from a world the Caretaker was taking care of, most of whom were farmers, and Neelix. A Talaxian junk peddler. And now, apparently, a chef as he went this way and that around what used to be the private dining room for the captain. People were already lined up in front of a counter, picking up food of various kinds. A few Ocampa were running about the mess hall itself as waiters, whom Neelix called out to.

"Reskill, you forgot the dressing! Zilda, watch out for the petty officer!" Neelix cried. He looked back at Janeway and Shepherd, his hedgehog like face twisting into a smile of delight. "Captain! Lieutenant! Welcome!" He headed over to a pot filled with some kind of bubbling black mixture, and ladled some of the concoction into two coffee cups. "What a delight it is to see you at breakfast! Here, here!"

"What is this?" Janeway asked in an icy tone, promising pain. Neelix handed her a cup, before delivering the second into Shepherd's hands.

"Well I heard you liked something called coffee, so I looked it up on your computers and found a way to synthesize a Delta Quadrant variant! I also added in a few ideas of my own-It'll be a lot thicker than your usual cup but chock full of vitamins! ... Whatever those are," he added under his breath.

"No Neelix," Janeway stated, "I mean what did you do to my private dining room?"

Neelix turned around, tending to a pot on another cooking surface. Janeway took this time to hold up the cup and sniff it. Shepherd copied her, and wore almost the exact same expression of disgust she did. Neelix turned back around, oblivious to the expressions on the faces of the Starfleet Officers.

"Well you did comment on the low power reserves, and who wants to live off of replicator rations? So, I decided to make myself useful and make a kitchen!" Neelix said cheerfully. "You know, I used to be quite the gourmand on several Talaxian freighters! You'd be amazed at the sheer number of alien visitors we got and I did my best to provide for them all!"

The Talaxian turned to see to a customer at the front-A green looking ensign. Quite literally.

Janeway clutched at the cup containing what pretended to be coffee tightly. Shepherd calmly poured the contents of his cup into a bubbling pot. Neelix then returned to look back at them with a smile.

"Seems the Leola Root Stew didn't agree with that poor young ensign," Neelix chuckled. "I'll have to cut down on the peppers next time for him!"

"Neelix, you should have informed me before you tried anything like this, especially in my dining room," Janeway growled. Shepherd actually took a step back from the captain, bumping into a pot. It fell, and he scrambled to catch it before it hit the deck! He managed it, but then groaned under the weight.

"What the heck are you cooking in here, rocks?!" Shepherd cried. Neelix shook his head.

"Oh no! Just some Rinaxian Rock Beetles!" Neelix said. "They're a widespread trade good! They weigh a lot but they're oh so good!"

Shepherd peeked into the pot. He could see several multilegged things crawling around in the boiling water. He quickly hefted it up and placed it back on the stovetop, waving his heated hands around to cool them off. Neelix smiled at the fuming captain.

"I had a few of them on my ship and of course Kes and her Ocampan friends wanted to learn how to raise them, so we got some water from the pool and-"

Janeway's commbadge beeped, and Neelix was saved from the captain's wrath by her answering the call.

"Janeway here," she stated.

"Captain, we've arrived at the planetoid with dilithium," Chakotay said, "we're entering a standard orbit."

"Acknowledged, I'm on my way," Janeway stated. She tapped her badge and glowered at Neelix. She pointed her finger at the floor. "We'll discuss all this later. For now? You and Lieutenant Shepherd get to the transporter room and get ready."

"Aye aye, Captain!" Neelix said cheerfully, saluting her. He grabbed an ensign and pointed at the pots. "Keep an eye on these until I get back, all right? The engineering crews from nightshift are coming off duty any minute and I want them to have a good hot meal!" He ordered. The Talaxian doffed his apron and chef's hat and scurried off through the doors. Janeway glared after him, while Shepherd sidled up beside her.

"You know, lots of terrible, accidental things can happen on an away mission," Shepherd observed in an innocent tone of voice.

"Don't tempt me," Janeway sighed.

More to come. But first, an omake:

Shepherd: "You know, I'm honestly surprised so many Ocampans joined up with us."

Paris: "And they're all so helpful and nice."

Harry: "And mostly female... Kes?"

Kes: "It honestly wasn't difficult to do. I simply explained the benefits of going out into space. The joy of exploration."

Flashback to a crowd of almost entirely female Ocampa, where Kes is giving a speech.

Kes: "Come with me, and we'll all get to meet space hunks to be our boyfriends!"

Ocampan Women: "YAYYYYY!"

Kes: "Let me introduce to you an example: Neelix!"

Ocampan Women: "Ehhh..."

Ocampan Woman 1: "Wait! As long as she's got that guy, all the better men will be ours!"

Ocampan Women: "YAYYYYYY!"

Kes: "Wait a minute-"

Ocampan Woman 1: "Too late! You made your choice!"

End Flashback

Kes is giving them all a happy smile that nevertheless seems a bit... Hungry. As are many of the other Ocampan women.

Paris: "She just did that same zoning out thing you do, Shepherd. What does it mean?"

Shepherd: "In my experience? Nothing good."