Uninspired Voyages

A Star Trek: Voyager fanfiction by Andrew J. Talon

DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. Star Trek: Voyager, Deep Space Nine, The Next Generation et al are the property of CBS Television, Para creation of Gene Roddenberry. Please support the official release.

Shepherd wandered into the holodeck, dressed in his pajamas and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. The rest of the senior staff was in there, all looking terrified and exhausted after a very strange encounter with some kind of alien force that had twisted the entire ship into new forms.

Shepherd yawned, and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

"... Aw shit, did I miss Kes' birthday party? Sorry, I was really exhausted Captain and-"

"Ababwaaghlerikkish!" Janeway babbled. Shepherd blinked.

"... Nani?"

Chakotay shook his head.

"Seriously Shepherd, how did you sleep through some strange anomaly twisting the ship into multiple shapes and distorting spacetime around you?!"

Shepherd shrugged.

"I've slept through worse. Oh hey! Birthday cake!"

He grabbed a slice and began eating it.

"Um... Yes!," Kes said with a nod, "please, have some."

"I totally will."

"There is no way you slept through that!" Tom shouted. Shepherd shook his head and swallowed his cake.

"No, really! Back on the Enterprise there was some sort of Negative Space Wedgie practically every other week!"

"That seems... rather unhealthy," Harry said.

"You know it," Shepherd said with a nod, "actually I'm a little surprised we haven't run into as many. Probably because it'd stand a real chance of killing everyone on board, possibly because if we run into one we might use it to get back to Earth lickety-split. Either way doesn't make for an epic tale about some plucky castaways."

Janeway managed to sort her mental issues out, and cleared her throat.

"Shepherd. are you thinking of Voyager as some sort of holonovel?"

"No Captain, I know just how deep in the black we are and how serious that is. I'd much prefer us being in a Gilligan's Island situation. That shit might have been wacky, but there wasn't any sense of existential terror about what might be lurking around the next nebula. More cake, anyone?"

Alternatively...

A strange ring-shaped anomaly has formed around Voyager. Shepherd is on watch.

"It's completely surrounded us, sir!" Harry cried.

Shepherd nodded slowly, sitting back in the command chair.

"Okay... I've dealt with a situation like this before. First... Ensign, please fly us up and out of the anomaly."

Ensign Pablo nodded with a confident grin.

"Aye sir!"

He does so, and Voyager flies up and out of the ring-shaped anomaly.

"We're out, sir!" Pablo said happily.

"Now what?" Harry asked eagerly.

Shepherd shrugged.

"That's it."

Harry blinked.

"Oh."

Shepherd nodded.

"Yeah. Resume course, Ensign. I want to go to Kes' birthday party soon."

Harry stares in awe at the lieutenant. He was quite direct and fearless with his decision making. He was such an enigma. What great thoughts were going through his mind as he watched the stars streak by them?

Shepherd leaned back and hummed thoughtfully.

"Hmmm... I wonder if there's a Space McDonalds on this side of the galaxy... Nah, probably just a Space Hardees, and who wants to eat there?"

Harry sighed. Of course.

This is very fun, I'll admit.