After Enju handed her embroidery works to Chōjirō, he opened the teaching material and turned to the page which notated the kind of white flower Enju always looked at when they were outside. Utsugi. He noticed it whenever they returned from the training grounds, that Enju tended to look at white flowers during their small walk. She even put some white flowers between her strands of braided hair too.
He was aware of all of that. All those trivial matters which involved around her, but he didn't have that consciousness－ that his mind actually wasn't only about his missions.
She must like white flowers.
He thought and started his lecture.
"Utsugi has a meaning of secret and mystery."
He started and explained the different meanings of various flowers to Enju in a calming tone.
"Here is the kanji of ajisai. You didn't memorise it yesterday, so try to practice writing it in your notebook now, I'll write it slowly first as an example for you to follow, concentrate on the writing order of the strokes."
Chōjirō said and started writing the kanji on her notebook, Enju smiled at her own notebook stupidly because－
Aa! I got niisama's personal handwriting in my notebook! Hehehe!
...
"Enju, your turn."
"Hai!"
Enju was extremely hyped on this very day, as she got to spend time alone with her cousin after all.
"Thank you niisama, I've learnt a lot from you."
"Hm."
We're walking in the woods. I'm holding the hem of niisama's clothes again.
Niisama didn't say anything about my little act. So I think he doesn't seem to mind.
It was quiet. None of them exchanged any words.
I really enjoy my walk with niisama. Just the two of us.
Just the two of them, in a serene forest.
I wonder why I feel this happy.
Chōjirō's walking pace apparently slowed down when Enju grabbed tighter onto his clothes, as he was adjusting his pace to suit hers.
We're walking at the same pace. We're walking together. Fufu.
Enju looked around and started to express her thoughts about the things she was looking at in a straightforward manner.
"Niisama, the weather is nice today."
"...it seems so."
"The sky looks really pretty today too, Niisama, look at the clouds! They're moving slowly!"
Chōjirō glanced up at the sky as she told him to, looking up... confused.
That was because he couldn't understand what it was in the sky that got her so excited about.
"Doesn't the fluffy cloud over there resembles niisama's double-edged sword?"
She pointed at the sky and fluttered her big blue eyes a few times to observe the shape of the cloud more.
"There! That one!"
Enju pointed at the cloud and walked nearer to him, telling him the part of the cloud that resembled his large sword.
"Don't you think so too, niisama?"
She pulled his sleeves.
"...A little... If Enju thinks it looks like my sword, then I guess it does."
He replied in hesitation.
"...Niisama."
Enju lowered her head.
Niisama doesn't see the things I see, and I can't see the things he sees.
She realised. No matter how close they were and how they looked at the same scenery, the things they see were completely different.
This made Enju feel sad somehow because she couldn't understand what he was thinking, all the time.
But still, I enjoy staying with niisama.
－Even when his eyes filled with nothing but nonchalance, even when his tone barely consists of any emotions.
All the time.
"Niisama, I see a rabbit over there... can I go over there and play?"
"Yes, I'll be here when you've finished."
Enju walked away from him and tried to have a small chat with the little rabbit. Surprisingly, the rabbit didn't run away from her.
"I wonder what niisama is thinking about..."
Chōjirō's gaze turned away from her, he was looking at something... somewhere far.
Something distant. As if the thing he was looking at didn't even exist in the world.
Enju was talking to the small rabbit while looking at her cousin distantly, observing him from afar. Under the sunlight, she noticed Chōjirō was looking at something.
... So distant.
She felt like the wall between them was getting higher and thicker. It was becoming harder and harder for her to reach him and she was upset about that.
She had never wanted that. She had always been trying her best, to talk to him, to attract his attention, to do the things that he might like. Just so that... they could be closer.
But all those small things she did seemed futile.
It doesn't work...
From afar, he looked... lost. Under the sunlight, his short purple hair was swaying softly due to the gentle wind in the air, it was quite a scenery to her. She followed his gaze just to see that he was frowning at the mountains, the trees... the sea...? She had no idea what it was.
She then noticed his left hand. It was like he was squeezing a grip ball with all his might. She couldn't comprehend what that meant, but she didn't ask. Like always.
"I don't want to become distant to niisama..."
She muttered to the rabbit and it jumped on top of her lap.
...
His mind was on his past village. Mind-wandering, isolated from reality.
He was sixteen years old already, his village of Iga was long gone for ten years, but his past happiness had always been staying inside his left palm since the day he had lost all his close ones in the Tenshō Iga War.
Despite how much he told other people that the war couldn't be helped due to the flow of time, and that he thought it was great to have Iga and Kōga together as allies for the moment, the feeling of losing something precious had never once left him.
Despite the flow of time, he had always been trying to grasp the happiness remained, with all his might－inside his left palm.
No... to be precise, he wasn't grasping it. It was because there was nothing there precious for him to grasp anymore. They were all gone already, for a whole ten years.
There was nothing.
So he felt nothing.
He was numb but he didn't care about all of that. He was simply trying to protect himself from getting hurt by not feeling, by not making anything precious to himself, by carrying out his important missions without emotions, by... mutilating his own skin.
Haha, how ridiculous.
He didn't understand whether he was actually happy or not by doing those things though. After all, he barely knew any emotions.
However, he couldn't care less about those troublesome things, emotions and feelings－
He couldn't care less about his stupid feelings.
...
He wasn't wearing gloves this time.
His slender fingers unconsciously curled inside his palm. His fingernails plunged into his left palm with might. Creating tiny, pinkish scars as he was looking at something distant, isolated from the world. His eyes looked a little lost... He couldn't even feel the blood seeping out from the scar tissues inside his palm, but he wasn't feeling painful, or anything. Simply paralysed.
...
Enju was patting the little rabbit as she found it adorable, but her thoughts were on her cousin.
As she was generating ideas of making him smile, she noticed there were some white flowers resting under a big tree. Enju then excitedly walked over to the small field of white flowers. Utsugi.
"So pretty!"
"..."
Chōjirō's gaze eventually turned away from the mountains, or the trees, or the sky... whatever. His short purple hair swayed in the air again as he turned his head. Softly... gently. His emerald green eyes which filled with a tint of melancholy looked towards his younger cousin. His lips parted, as if he had something to say... to this very scenery.
Beautiful. White flowers... Utsugi surrounding an innocent Enju. It matches her a lot, maybe it's because of her white hair.
He felt like it was a completely different world from the one he was living. How could that even be possible? They were living together everyday, in the same world, with the same kind of air, the same kind of surroundings, the same kind of people. However he realised too, that they didn't see the same things.
Oh, such an innocent smile, he thought as Enju was giggling to the rabbit and the flowers.
He had always been observing her closely, how her little footsteps jogged towards the field of flowers with excitement; how she smiled innocently at them; how she told him she thought about the flowers in his lecture; how she pointed at the sky and told him that she thought the sky was beautiful; how she told him about the shape of the clouds, how she always smiled at him...
Somehow, he found all those expressions lovable.
Though, he didn't realise it himself, his expression always remained the same.
While she was appreciating the white flowers, Enju's eyes sparkled as she happened to come across an Anemone.
"Anemone..."
She muttered and thought about what her cousin just taught her in the lecture regarding hanakotoba.
"It means a fleeting love. Can also be translated as I love you."
"Oh..."
Enju fluttered her eyes at the flower a few times as she remembered what Chōjirō taught her.
She reluctantly reached out her hand and picked it up. It was a light lavender-coloured anemone.
... I
I... love...
Enju's face turned red, her small hands fiddling with the flower, pondering on whether to give this flower to her cousin to make him smile.
B-but it isn't something strange! Of course I love niisama, he's my family! Who doesn't love their own family?
She shut her eyes tight and shook her head vigourously, didn't want to overthink about the matter. She simply wanted to give him flowers and get closer to him!
"Ah niisama!"
He saw Enju returning to him from the field of flowers, walking slowly with a shy smile, filled with happiness.
She put the anemone behind her back in one of her hands, her other one pulling his fabric a little.
"Niisama, th-this is for you!"
She blushed and waited for him to accept the light lavender-coloured flower, anemone.
"Oh. Thank you."
His tone is flat and plain, like he doesn't even care about me...
"I... I deliberately chose this flower! Anemone!"
"I see."
Chōjirō twisted his wrist slowly to observe the flower he was holding at different angles. His eyes seemed to have softened, Enju noticed. She was again, thinking about how beautiful her cousin was. His dark eyelashes were long, even the way he was holding the flower looked bewitching to her.
Eventually, his piercing green eyes turned their gaze from the flower, to Enju's big blue eyes. He softened his eyes and looked at her silently.
"I thought you was looking at utsugi, didn't know there were other types of flowers there as well."
"...Mm."
Enju hummed and fidgeted a little as she felt nervous.
"...Niisama, I want to tell you that I...! I..."
"...?"
Aaa! This feels embarrassing somehow! I keep telling myself this is normal, but I...!
"What's the matter, Enju?"
Niisama put his large hand on my head. Aa, so warm...
"I... I'm just glad that niisama accepted my flower..."
"I like it, thank you."
Ah whatever! I don't think saying that is embarrassing anyway! I think it's normal...!
"I...! I like niisama!"
Enju exclaimed and put her small hands in front of her chest.
"..."
Chōjirō's eyes widened at her words for a second, but his expression changed back to his usual one immediately, with a soft smile.
"I see, this... makes me happy."
He spoke softly and lowered his gaze, adverted his eyes from Enju.
"Ah... niisama..."
He said it made him happy...
Enju wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him tightly suddenly.
"...!"
"Niisama, don't leave me behind."
Chōjirō had no idea what she was referring to. He simply stood there, stiffened.
He didn't hug her back either.
"Sometimes, I feel like niisama is getting further away from me, I don't know why I feel this way... but I don't like this... I want to get closer. I want to talk with niisama more..."
Enju clenched her hands tighter onto his clothes.
"Don't leave me out...! I want to always stay with you, niisama."
"...? I'm always here. Enju, don't worry, I won't go away. If you have anything you don't understand, you can always ask and talk to me. After all, I'm your cousin and teacher."
"..."
Conversely, his words made Enju feel sad. Though, Chōjirō must have thought his words were brightening her up.
Niisama doesn't understand what I'm talking about. He doesn't understand what I meant when I said "don't leave me behind".
He never tells me what he is thinking about... I've asked niisama once, but he shrugged it off and said it was nothing.
But... maybe that can't be helped. Maybe niisama doesn't even realise there is a wall between us. I think I shouldn't get so stubborn about this matter then...
"Niisama, do you really... like me?"
I asked.
"Ha, of course, and all my other disciples too."
He patted my head.
...
...
...Why?
...Why don't I feel as happy as I thought I'd be? Niisama said that he likes me too. I should feel happy that he actually doesn't hate me.
"Mm...? Enju...? What's wrong?"
Niisama... he isn't even hugging me back. But it's fine. I should feel happy, because niisama said he likes me too...
"Nothing! I'm glad to hear that niisama likes me too!"
At least, I saw niisama's soft smile today. Hm! I want to give a lot of flowers to niisama from now on too! I want to show the beautiful flowers to him!!
Enju released her embrace.
"I... just wanted you to know that I chose Anemone because I like you, niisama."
She said shyly again and went behind him to hide her face, grabbing his clothes.
"I see."
Chōjirō spoke in a nonchalant tone, but he was smiling faintly.
They continued walking together, with Enju holding his kimono shirtsleeves.
"Niisama, where are we actually going?"
"You'll see as soon as we've arrived."