...

He blinked his eyes at the ceiling idly as realised he couldn't fall asleep again.

This was the eighth time he had closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but it was futile. It seemed that he woke up every twenty minutes after he napped, he had barely slept.

"Ha..."

He sighed. Again.

It was still pitch black outside. Knowing that he probably couldn't sleep for the rest of the night, his eyes continued to gaze upon the wooden ceiling, thinking about his missions instead.

Missions are the only thing I have. My life is dedicated to them. If my missions tell me to kill, I kill. No matter who the person is. And if, in any case, my missions tell me to die, I die without regrets.

These kinds of days are always the same, they are mundane. I carry out missions, return to the village to report to Kandō-sama, teach my disciples. Then the cycle goes all over again.

But I think I enjoy training with my disciples for some reason. They sure talk more than I do, the atmosphere is always bright and cheery. It's always so peaceful and nice, to an extent that I even think I shouldn't be with them to disrupt their fun and happiness. I feel like I'm the outcast there. Well... I don't talk.. much.

I do not know what to speak besides topics such as training and shinobi missions. They wouldn't know, that... every time I speak to them and teach them, I need to generate my words carefully and phrase them in my head first before really speaking to them, so that I can act like a teacher. That is my duty after all.

He closed his eyes quietly as thoughts continued to wander aimlessly in his mind.

Speaking of missions, I just met Hanzō Hattori in my last mission. It wasn't my first time to meet him again after all those years since we trained together. The time when father, mother... my friends were still there in the Iga Village. Hanzō-sama is really talented and exceptional, he has been attending to big missions from a very young age, and that wasn't all, he was sent to Ieyasu Tokugawa's estate and was ordered to protect him since then. Even though Hanzō-sama and I trained together from the same teacher, my father, we... have such a difference.

Suddenly, he laughed.

Even though there was nothing funny about it.

Useless.

The word popped up from his mind out of nowhere.

I wonder why there is such a huge contrast between us. I've never done something as great as serving a lord with my ninjutsu skills, like Hanzō-sama. What I have done is merely carrying out trivial missions and serve my very small village.

"Fufufu."

Again, he let out a soft, derisive chuckle.

A trace of sarcasm was left in his short laugh.

...

Missions.. my missions...

...are my everything.

There, again.

Unconsciously.

Something stabbed into the palm of his left hand, but he didn't even know anymore. Maybe that was because he had done that too many times.

My missions. My very important missions.

His brain couldn't think of anything else besides his so very important missions.

My important missions... Oh, important...? Right, of course they are important. I wouldn't be able to live like this if I didn't have missions to carry out anymore.

He breathed somewhat peacefully while thinking about that, as he knew that his missions would always live alongside him, and that he could always live like this. Peacefully. Happily. Not needing to worry about anything. Not needing to feel those troublesome emotions that would get in his way and make him "weak".

To him, nothing was as precious as his missions. He didn't need to feel anything and he was relieved about that.

So relieved. How nice.

He wouldn't have anything to lose then.

In just a few seconds, more of those tiny scars were visible in his left palm, which was already full of scars. The blood from his tiny wounds started to seep out slowly, but he didn't even realise it. He could not feel a single thing about the matter.

And he could not care less, even if he did know that he was scarred.

Even though he had his eyes closed for the moment, he still looked serene and stoic. But a peaceful expression.

...

The blood had flowed down to his fingertips, which were still scratching his own skin inside his palm.

...

Maybe, it kind of felt good to him. Well, no one knew about it anyway. So it wasn't anything significant.

Oh, but I shouldn't be thinking about the comparison between Hanzo-sama and me in the first place. This isn't very professional of me, I'm a shinobi. I shouldn't be thinking anyway.

He glanced at the small shōji window and saw the sun rising slowly. Gradually, his dark room was filled with light.

Again. Another day.

I need to get up.

He was never a heavy sleeper after all, but he didn't seem to mind that anyway, he cared too little when it came to himself.

His gaze moved towards his wardrobe and got up from his futon. He wore his usual black shinobi gloves. He got changed, ready to teach his disciples.

He wouldn't have realised his body was slightly cold if he didn't notice the long haori placed next to his shinobi outfit. It was a haori with dark colours and samekomon.

"Oh..."

Something lit Chōjirō up inside at a blink. His fingertips gently caressed the sleeves of the haori and soothed the fabric back and forth in affection. He lifted up the corner of his lips slightly and softened his expression. He then put it on, thinking that the weather indeed had got cold. His mind then wandered to a certain girl, the tailor of this haori.

Suddenly, her small figure was in his sight, smiling shyly at him. She told him she was worried about him.

Niisama, do you like it?

Even her voice could be heard in his mind.

"Enju.."

He felt a sudden urge to see her, even though they just met yesterday.

However, as he realised he was thinking about her, he shut his eyes and refreshed his brain, then put on a stoic face with cold eyes.

I'm going to teach my disciples now. I must act professional and be a good model for them to learn.

After he was confident that he was in "teacher-mode", he went out of his room, but before he made his first step-

"Aah! Niisama."

A girl stood outside of his shōji door and blocked his way. The distance between them was too close, which startled him when he opened his shōji door.

"Enju?!"

Due to their height difference, her face tilted upwards, looking up, her big blue eyes blinking at him, adorably.

He felt his heart beat irregularly in just one second.

...

It seemed that she was standing there for quite a while already, as if she was waiting for him to wake up.

Still shocked, Chōjirō looked down at her questionably.

"Enju...? What are you doing here?"

"...niisama, I was just waiting for you."

Totally in a fog, he parted his mouth again and observed her small figure with confusion.

She adverted her eyes from him slowly as she felt his strong gaze. He was looking at her in the eye, focused.

"Sorry, I thought we were going to meet at the training grounds. Did I... make plans with you today?"

"Oh niisama! You wore the haori!"

She smiled brightly as the haori got her attention instead. He was wearing the haori that she tailored exclusively for him.

"...Oh, yes. As you said, the weather has indeed got cold."

"Niisama..."

Her gaze slowly moved up again, but timidly, looking back into his strict emerald eyes.

"The collar..."

"Oh..."

He lowered his chin and just came to realisation that he wasn't wearing it properly.

Enju tiptoed a little and reached her small hands to the fabric around his collar nervously, re-adjusting the collar because it was flipped upside down.

"Thank you."

After finished fixing it, she timidly grabbed his sleeves and started walking, pulling his clothes gently.

"Niisama... let's go."

"? Where are we going?"

However, Enju avoided his question. Instead, she pulled his sleeves with more force.

"Enju?"

"I would like to bring niisama to somewhere today. Please follow me."

"But we have training later t-"

"Today is a special day. I figured niisama must have forgotten... Everyone is doing something else, therefore... I want niisama to have fun too."

She spoke softly and smiled at him with a faint blush, her right hand tugged at his sleeves lightly, gesturing him to follow her again.

Chōjirō then fell silent, he simply followed the small figure in front of him. Perplexed.

She thought this was unusual, because normally it was the other way round, that she followed everywhere behind him. She wondered how he felt when he followed her like this.

"Niisama, h-here."

It was the outskirts of the Kōga village, but not at their usual training grounds. After walking through all the tall trees, they arrived at a location with less trees but more flowers. Due to the lack of tall trees, it was a perfect place to view the sky without blockage.

"Niisama, happy mid-autumn festival! I... made this for you."

Mid-autumn festival? Today?

He had no idea.

Enju brought out a purple furoshiki.

"...Did you sew this?"

She nodded her head softly and handed the intricate embroidered furoshiki over to him. On the purple cloth, it was sewed with the words, "for my dearest niisama".

Chōjirō couldn't help but smile from the bottom of his heart and softened his eyes, looking at the words she sewed with affection.

His hand went to pat her head out of reflex, the simple action made her cheeks flushed a tiny bit.

Oh... it's niisama's hand.

I've always liked it. It makes me feel warm.

Curious about the inside, he went ahead and unwrapped the cloth.

It was a bunch of white and purple flowers.

He widened his eyes at the sight because of how they were beautifully arranged. It was a bouquet tied with a purple ribbon. Next to the flowers, there were two moon cakes.

He smiled faintly at the very small things she did for him.

"Thank you Enju."

She smiled back.

As she looked at him carefully, she noticed fatigue was excruciating him. His exhausted expression, his tired gaze that was looking at her, his smile even, they all looked tired.

"Niisama, are you alright?"

She asked him with concern after her observations.

"Me? Of course I am."

"But you look like you didn't have enough sleep..."

She titled her head a little as she could see the small dark circles under his eyes.

"Fu."

He chuckled.

"Niisama?"

"Oh, I'm just surprised that you can see through me this much. You're right, I didn't really sleep last night. But don't bother, this has been going on since I was young and I'm already accustomed to my sleeping schedule."

"..."

Enju looked down after hearing his words, she seemed upset about that.

Maybe I can do something about it.

She thought and looked at him again, decided to change the topic.

"All of us including Gekkamaru, Kasumi, Kyara, and Ennosuke are planning to celebrate and observe the moon together today. We planned to stay here until night to do moon-viewing, but I wanted niisama to join us too, so I decided to come and bring you here. But if you get tired in the middle of the day, we can return anytime you want to. I'll go with you."

She revealed another small smile to him.

He felt ticklish at a sudden.

"Enju..."

"I hope... you enjoy spending time with us too."

She said. Her eyes wandered around and realised it was just the two of them again.

This made her heart pound nervously.

...

What if.

What if Enju...

Is my precious thing?

!

As soon as he realised what he was thinking, he quickly shook his head and mentally smacked himself.

"..."

He felt his sleeves being tugged at.

So he looked down, just to see her small hand.

She always does that. But she never holds my hand.

The other siblings we see in the streets always have a warm atmosphere and they exchange a lot of words between each other. Moreover, they would hold hands together too. But when it comes to us...

"Niisama, let's sit together."

She turned away from him with her hand still tugging at his sleeve, waiting for him to sit.

We don't act like we are siblings. Maybe, I am the reason. I don't laugh with her when she is happy. Oh, but Gekkamaru does. He always looks so happy whenever he sees her around...

"Enju."

Chōjirō said, somewhat in a curt tone. Noticed his sudden change of tone, Enju turned to him slowly and looked at him timidly.

"Yes...?"

"Where is Gekkamaru? I thought you would be coming with him and the others?"

"..."

Enju frowned as she hung her head slightly, looking down aimlessly at the grass.

"I brought niisama here early... so we are ahead of time. They would come later."

"Oh... I see."

"I have something I want to tell you."

"Hm? What is it? Tell me."

"..."

"..."

"What's the matter?"

"What... things do you like?"

"?"

"Anything would do. I just thought that I haven't actually learnt what you like..."

"...You want to know?"

His lips curved up slightly and formed into a small smile.

She nodded her head, seemed to be looking forward to finally knowing more about the person she had always admired.

"Actually."

He paused and averted his gaze.

"I don't think I have anything that I like."

Enju's anticipated expression turned sour and immediately said something to retort this idea of him not liking anything.

"That's, that's not true niisama. I know you like-"

"..."

"...You like missions."

This was the only thing Enju could think of. After all, what her cousin ever cared about was missions.

"Oh. You're right... Yes indeed. I do. They are... important."

They are my everything.

"I want to support you and help you do the things you like in your best condition, I want to help you with your important missions with the best I can do niisama. Please look forward to it."

"Support... me. With my.. my missions."

Chōjirō quietly muttered to himself and furrowed his brows, somewhat felt troubled after hearing what she just told him.

Why.

"You don't have to do that much for me."

Why would you want to do this for me?

"But I'm worried about you. I know you haven't been sleeping properly, and I want to at least try helping you do the things you like, in your great condition, instead of not being able to sleep for the entire night. I thought that must have been a pain to you."

Please leave me alone with my missions.

"I'm fine. I don't feel tired nor painful either. Please don't worry about me. There's nothing to worry about."

What you are intending to do is unnecessary.

"But..."

And you would be better off without me.

"You should have fun with the others instead Enju."

"..."

"..."

"Why does niisama always say that?"

Enju asked as looked up at him with a frown, she couldn't comprehend why he always told her to not be with him.

"..."

Chōjirō didn't answer her question.

I just want to.

"I..."

I just want to see niisama being happy.

"..."

But I actually... really...

"Is it wrong for me..."

Know nothing about you.

"To want to do something for you?"

"..."

Chōjirō parted his mouth slightly, as if he wanted to retort. However, he stopped and quickly kept his lips shut again after he noticed how she pouted her lips in distress, she looked awfully upset.

Have my words...

Slowly, he walked closer to her.

...hurt her again?

"No, it's not. Of course it's not wrong... there's nothing wrong about it. I appreciate it."

"Really?"

He let out a tired sigh.

"Mm, do what you want."

He placed his palm on her head and rubbed her white silk hair softly against his glove.

"..."

Then he quietly turned away from her.

"The others seem to be arriving."

His back was facing towards her as he watched the others walking towards their direction.

Enju observed his serene figure from behind. By looking at his back, she thought he looked lonely.

But what could she do about it?

She didn't know. She didn't know how to make that distant feeling between the two of them go away. This barrier between them had always been there since they were small, but day by day, she just felt more and more detached, isolated, and disconnected with her cousin, and she didn't like any of that.

But she was trying to understand him better because she wanted to.

It's alright. It should be fine.

He just told her to do what she wanted to do, didn't he? She wanted to help him with his missions. Of course, her ultimate goal was to attend missions with him one day and repay the village for what the people had done for her. This had never changed. But that was not all to her goals and dreams, she wanted to support her cousin too.

She didn't want to see him like this. Even though he always told her he was fine. That he was healthy. That there was nothing to worry about.

But.

I can't see that.

That he is healthy.

That there is nothing to worry about.

He looks...

She ran out of adjectives inside her head.

Or maybe niisama is right.

Maybe he just looks different to me because he is "strong". A professional shinobi who doesn't allow emotions or anything to cloud his mind.

Maybe I'm worrying too much then. But nonetheless, I still want to do more things for him if that means it could lessen his exhaustion a little.

Author's note:

Apologies for not being able to upload this story for an entire month (or maybe it's been two months already?)! Anyway, I want to state very clearly that this book IS still CONTINUING, even though it might take me a lot of time to upload a chapter due to my busy schedule.

I hope you enjoy seeing niisama and Enju together as much as I do! Please look forward to my next chapter even though it might take me a lot of time (※the upload times between each chapter will be inconsistent. Sometimes it might be one chapter a week, it might also be one chapter a month, or more if I can't make it. However I will try my best to keep them consistent as I do very much enjoy writing them myself).

If you see I am not uploading them though, then that means I should probably be drawing them XD Feel free to check out my fanarts of them! I sometimes post them on my YouTube channel. Actually... I'm starting a new fanart again, when they were children. I hope I could get more time to draw them... and write them.