Enju felt bad as everyone was working while she was not.
She thought she wasn't tired, but when she tried to close her eyelids, she realised her drowsiness. She let out a small yawn and started to slumber.
...
In front of her, it was the Kōga village. Blue skies, big patches of green. It was surely a nice, sunny weather. She looked down to pick up a flower from the grassfield.
Mommy would be happy to see this flower!
The small figure hopped back to her estate joyfully.
"Mommy~ are you here?"
The little girl smiled innocently with clean blue eyes, she blinked them twice as she couldn't hear her mother's reply.
"Mommy?"
She opened the fusuma with both of her hands, and with might, due to her lack of strength from her tiny ones.
"Mu.. ma... mmy."
The white flower slipped out from her tiny hands suddenly. It dropped onto the ground in a flash. Her hands started to shake.
"Aa. Mom..my."
A woman with long white hair lay on the ground. The girl walked towards her with unsteady footsteps, trembling. She then saw some parts of her face. A trace of red liquid was seeping out from the woman's mouth, she looked pale and cold.
As she wanted to reach closer to her, a pair of strong arms lifted her up from behind.
"?! P-put me down! No! I wanna see my mommy! Put me down put me down...!!! Mommy...!!!!!!"
"..."
She didn't know who was lifting her up, but she would certainly be shocked if she knew the owner of these strong arms belonged to a ten-year-old child.
"Mammyyy! Why are you not letting me see her!? Whyyy?!!"
"..."
The child kept walking backwards, not saying a word.
"Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh...!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Ohiisama! You must not witness this terrifying sight!"
Some people shouted as the two of them finally went outside of the entrance, outside of the girl's estate.
Of course the girl was crying loudly, she was only three years old after all. She barely learnt how to talk.
"Aaaahh!!! Ma... maamyyyyy!!!"
The child changed the position of lifting her up from her back to lifting her up from the front, attempting to make their position feel more comfortable.
Her small hands turned into fists and hit the elder child's shoulders.
"No! No!!!! Whyyyyyyyyy?"
They went up to the hills, even further from the girl's estate as time passed. Understandably, her crying was not lessening any bit.
The child started to pat her back softly as she cried. Maybe the pats she felt on her back reminded of her mother's, she softened her crying, and slowly, they turned into softer sobs.
"Mother..."
"..."
As they walked near to a tree, the child leant his back against the tree truck for support. His arms wrapped around the girl's small body, holding it inside his embrace.
It must have been because she had cried too much, she got tired gradually. Her eyelids closed by themselves while feeling the small warmth from the person hugging her.
Eventually, drowsiness crept over her. She fell asleep with her small head rested on the child's shoulder, and her breathing became softer, and calmer.
Dry and wet tears had seeped through the collar of the child's kimono. No matter what she did, he did not say a word, because he didn't know what to say to make her feel better, especially for him, as he had also once lost his family, his everything.
Although people couldn't tell from his face, his eyes revealed an expression of grief, but only to an extremely small extent.
He kept patting her back silently with his gloved hands. Maybe it was because his pats indeed felt comfortable to her, her head totally slumped into the nape of his neck.
...
"Enju..."
"Mother..."
A large hand landed on her forehead.
"Mm..."
It lowered to her cheek softly, her shoulder, then her arm...
Eventually, it grasped her hand gently and gave it a small tug.
"Mm...?"
Her blue eyes which filled with tears opened slowly, the person in her sight was her admired elder cousin.
She immediately widened her eyes in shock and gulped.
"Nii... sama?"
When she blinked her eyes, a tear flowed down her cheek unconsciously.
The person in front of her revealed an expression of concern, which surprised her.
"Was it a nightmare?"
He asked, gently, but still with his authoritative voice which made Enju felt nervous.
Enju looked down and shook her head slowly. She felt embarrassed to know he was here especially now, looking at her pathetic state.
"It was nothing niisama. I am alright. Where... where are the others?"
"They should be coming back anytime. The sun is going to set soon."
"Oh, I see."
"..."
Unlike Enju, for Chōjirō's disciples, it was not their first mission, so he was not that worried about them. Strangely, his mind thought about Enju while he was doing his small investigation around the city earlier. He knew it was not professional for him to think other things, but since he had already finished investigating the things he wanted to search for, he had the time to stay with her.
"Why are you here early...?"
Chōjirō showed her a small bittersweet smile for a second, but quickly returned to his usual callous expression afterwards.
"I guess I might have infected the disease of Gekkamaru's overprotectiveness."
He joked.
"...Fu, fufu!"
Enju couldn't help but let out a small chuckle with watery eyes.
Niisama isn't the one to joke... But hearing him say that somehow makes me want to laugh... haha. And I feel less insecure now.
"Somehow, I am..."
He muttered and wiped off the tear that just fell down her cheek with his finger. For Enju, even that tear which was originally sad, due to the dream she dreamt, had become a happy one.
He didn't even know what he was thinking about and what he was going to say.
He... missed her?
–No, that would sound inaccurate. After all, he just saw her a few minutes ago. Maybe he just wanted to check on her.
When he saw her sleeping earlier, he heard her panting and she sounded she was in pain. No doubt, he felt worried by looking at her painful face.
"Tell me what happened."
He gently caressed her cheek while forcing her to answer. Even his actions were soft and gentle, his tone was unrelenting, and his face barely held any emotions.
But inside his heart, it made him sad somehow, because whenever he asked her something, Enju always didn't answer him at first, she usually lied to him it was nothing, which she just did.
On the other side, Enju didn't tell him because she didn't want to make him worry about her, she knew he had a lot to do already, his missions and duties... and she wanted him to rest and relax his mind.
But what she did was always bringing him more worries, and she hated herself for it.
"...I dreamt about my mother."
She said reluctantly.
"My memory of that day has always been vague. I could barely tell what happened from my own memory."
Chōjirō already knew which day she was talking about. The day when Enju's mother died.
"The dream I just had... you were there too."
"..."
Chōjirō fell silent.
"I am not sure if the scenery of this dream I just dreamt is true to my memory, but it felt realistic. I, I have always wanted to know what had truly happened on that day. No one has ever told me when I asked them, because they said they didn't want me to feel sad by mentioning about that day."
Looking at Chōjirō's face, it seemed he didn't want to speak.
"But, since it is about my mother, I want to remember and know everything about her. Niisama... you know about it, right? Can you tell me what happened on that day?"
Chōjirō looked at her straightly with emotionless eyes, as if he was inhuman, an object. Not showing her any emotions.
"Me? I don't know anything about it."
He shut his eyes and turned away from her.
After a small silence, Chōjirō turned back to her.
"...You must have felt assured and thankful to Gekkamaru and Kuroyuki. They were the ones who kept you company when you were crying alone in your own room, they cried with you when they saw you cried. Well, Gekkamaru was six and Kuroyuki was three, the same age as you, I guess seeing you cried made them cried too. After all, Kagari-sama was also a mother-figure to them."
"..."
"Then a few years later, you three started to share the same room together. How nostalgic, sometimes I needed to check in to make sure you three had enough sleep to come training the next day."
"It is indeed nostalgic... now that when I look back to them, it just makes me realise how much I cherish my memories."
But.
Crying alone. In my own room?
Maybe that did happen, but I can't recall any of that. ...What about that dream then? In the dream I just dreamt, I was outside. I was up on the hill, with another child who was elder than me, and I thought... he looked like niisama.
Maybe that was just my dream and not real though. After all, my memory is vague and I can't remember well.
"The others should be coming soon, keep a hold of yourself, Enju."
"Yes... I will."
"...Hm, perfect timing. They must be worried about you too."
Chōjirō let out a small grimace of amusement as he said the last sentence.
"..."
When Chōjirō came out of the fusuma, Gekkamaru and Kuroyuki was already there, but Chōjirō did not look surprised.
"Aa, Chounii..."
"Chōjirō-dono..."
"I expected you have accustomed yourself to blend in Kyō's environment, yes?"
"O-Of course!"
Said Gekkamaru.
"Of course~ and I want to see Enju early too~"
Said Kuroyuki.
"Hey! What are you-"
"First come, first served. That being said, I'm going in~! First!"
Kuroyuki gave his brother a playful smirk before he entered the room Enju was in.
"Hey! Kuroyuki!"
Gekkamaru shouted as he also went into Enju's room in a flash.
...
Chōjirō walked further away from them with steady footsteps towards the entrance, waiting for all his other disciples to return.
Author's note:
It has almost been a year since I have started writing this story. So happy 1st anniversary!
I am sorry for not publishing the chapters as much as I was. And I am really grateful to the readers who are reading them regardless of my slow updates.
Ever since I have started Nightshade, Enju and niisama have been special existences inside my heart. Through writing this story, I just really want to show the love and support between a depressed couple. No matter how damaged they might be, no matter the adversities they might be facing, how difficult for them to live on, and how much self-hatred they might be feeling later on, they love and protect each other through their own different ways.
I planned to write a lot of chapters ahead, and I hope you would read it to the story's end. Thank you.
May, 2023