"How did Jazmine end up in the hospital?" Huey asked.
"I guess her system couldn't handle the disease and she asked Nicole and me if we could take her to the hospital," Ebony answered.
"But you said she was healthy and even the doctors said she was healthy," Huey reminded.
"That's what I thought but I was mistaken. The night I was eavesdropping on her was when I found out she was in pain. When she came up to Nicole and me and told us that she needed to go to the hospital, I took her," Ebony stated.
"Was it the same hospital or was it different?" Huey asked.
"It was a different one. It wasn't too far from our house. It was thirty minutes at most," Ebony answered.
"I'm guessing the doctors said that she needed to stay at the hospital?" Huelene guessed.
"Yes," Ebony answered.
"I don't get it! If Jazmine was in a well stable house then why did she need to be hospitalized if she can just do treatments at home?" Huey asked confused.
"I don't know! It was a lot going on at the time. She was stressed, depressed, and her immune system was probably low after she gave birth," Ebony answered.
"But she was eating healthy, taking her medication, and trying to get back on her feet," Huey pointed out.
"Yeah, but that probably couldn't have been enough. It probably wasn't working for her anymore," Ebony said.
"The medication could have just helped her through her pregnancy and not anything else," Ebony assumed.
"Was it hard seeing my mother in the hospital?" Huelene asked.
"Yes, it broke my heart to see her in pain. But what made it worse was that she was accepting it," Ebony sadly spoke.
I went to see Jazmine in the hospital about a month before she died. Nicole and Huelene were out shopping, so I had some free time. When I entered her room, I noticed she had a video camera and a journal, both of which I had no idea where she obtained them.
"Hey, Jazmine!" I said greeting her.
"Hi Ebony!" she looked up at me and started smiling.
"What are you doing?" I asked coming up to her.
She was writing something down in her journal and I peaked at it to see she was writing to Huelene.
"I'm just writing some stuff down," she mumbled.
"Where'd you get this from?" I asked wanting to know.
"One of the nurses gave it to me. She said it's supposed to help me cope with my stress," she answered.
"Really?" I asked crossing my arms. I didn't believe her.
"How is this supposed to help cope with your stress?" I asked.
"I just feel like I left everybody on hold," she simply answered.
"Like who?" I asked.
"My parents, Nicholas, Huelene, Tyrone, Timothy, James, my friends from back home, and Huey," she answered.
"Okay, I can understand you leaving Huey, Timothy, and your friends on hold but I don't understand the rest. Why do you feel like you owe James and Tyrone a letter?" I asked.
"I feel like I owe Tyrone a letter cause I've led him on and he's been nothing but a good man to me since I met him," she explained as I looked at her funny.
"I will admit I think he's a good man but it's only to a certain extent. There still isn't an explanation about the bloody knuckles," I reminded her.
"Ebony, will you just drop that? Tyrone did not hurt me," Jazmine said a little annoyed I was stuck on it.
"No, Jazmine, I will not drop it. His body language and his choice of words do not cover what he did," I exclaimed as she sighed.
I could sense that she was already annoyed with me about Tyrone so I decided to ask about Dr. Anderson.
"You know what never mind, why are you writing a letter to James after all he's done to you?" I asked her.
"Even though he gave me a disease and took away my son I feel like I still owe him an apology. I had led him on and hurt him at the end of all of it," she explained as I looked at her funny.
"Jazmine, that's not your fault, he decided to take it the wrong way. He knew what he was getting himself into," I said not wanting her to apologize.
"I know, but it's just stuff I did that's kind of hard to explain," she said as I sighed.
"Jazmine that man does not need an apology from you," I said as she just ignored me.
"Even your parents don't deserve an apology from you," I added.
"But I feel like my parents and I had left on a bad note," she said.
"Because of your decisions to go to another college and try to earn your independence?" I asked confused.
"Yes, but they never liked anything I did for myself. They didn't like how I broke it off with Brody and started dating Huey, they didn't like how I chose Howard over Yale and Harvard, and they surely didn't like how I left the state to live with Huey and start working," she exclaimed.
"And why do you think you owe them an apology, again?" I asked still confused.
"It's just I didn't end off on a good note with them. I left Huey and I think I ended off on a good note with him. I didn't have an argument with him and we didn't say bad things that would stick with us mentally. I told him I loved him and I felt like that was a good note to leave off of," she explained.
I just sighed and shook my head.
"You don't understand Ebony! I don't want to die not connecting everybody mentally," she said denying me.
"Why are you talking about dying Jazmine, you're not going to die," I said in denial.
"Yes, I am Ebony, everybody knows it. The doctors and nurses are trying to help me cope with everything before I pass away," she said.
I balled up my fist and felt as if I was about to cry.
Why is she giving up?
Does she not want to live?
"They're trying to help me with the stage of acceptance," she said.
"Acceptance...what do you mean?" I asked confused.
"I remember Nicole was telling me about the five stages of death and I realized I was going through it," she said.
"I was in denial when I found out about my AIDS and that I was pregnant, I was angry when I left home and came here, it felt as if I was bargaining during my pregnancy and after my pregnancy, I was entirely also depressed after I had the babies cause a lot was just going on, and now I feel as if I coping with the stage of acceptance," she explained as I felt a tear slide down my cheek.
"Why were you mad when you came here?" I asked.
"I was mad because when I found out Huey moved on from me so quickly it made me upset, then when I first met you it felt as if you were against me, and when I would go do my ultrasounds I got angry at the nurses and doctors for telling me lies," she explained.
"Why didn't you tell us they were lying or that nothing wasn't feeling right in your system?" I asked.
"I tried telling you guys, but it just felt like you didn't want to accept the truth," she said.
"Accept the truth?" I questioned.
"Ebony, I can understand that you love me as one of your own, and you're trying your best to prevent my death, but you have to accept I'm not going to be here for long," she nervously spoke.
"Jazmine I can accept your death," I lied.
"No, you can't, you're the main one who's upset about it. Have you thought about how I feel about all of this?" she exclaimed.
"I didn't think AIDS could get this bad but it has, and I don't know how much I can take of it. I can hardly deal with everything that had happened and it's just too much," she admitted.
"Maybe we can just try-" I tried to say until she cut me off "No, Ebony, you need to accept the fact that none of this is going to work and I'm going to be gone soon. How come I can accept it but you can't?"
I just held my head down and took a deep breath. I can feel Jazmine staring at me and I couldn't bear to look her in the eyes.
"Jazmine, I'll see you later," I said before leaving her room. I went back home after a long drive. I kept thinking why couldn't I accept the fact Jazmine was going to die?
In the beginning, when I met her I was accepting of Jazmine's death, but as I got to know her, it started to hurt just the thought of her leaving this world.
I couldn't imagine a life without Jazmine. I asked myself, would it make a difference?
Nicole had told me ever since Jazmine came along I had changed into a new person. She said I started to love again and have hope for the future.
I feel like that's the problem!
I love too easily and then in the end I get broken. Its always happened to me since I was little.
I wanted love from my parents, but I never got it, I wanted love from my past lovers, but I never got it until I met Nicole, I wanted to hope for a baby, but it seemed society was going against me every step of the way to get it, and when Jazmine came along, she was willingly going to let us take custody of her babies.
I'm glad Huelene is with us and I'm hoping for a relationship I was never able to have with my mother.
It makes me sad to see the way Jazmine barely interacts with Huelene. I had the same situation with my mom growing up and I just want her to go on without regret. She doesn't even want to look at Huelene when we bring her to the hospital.
She talked about doing all these things with the babies and then at the end of it she can't keep her own word. We practically had to force her to hang out with Huelene.
And all Huelene likes to do is hang around Jazmine.
I don't know what I'm going to tell her when Jazmine passes away.
I don't even know if I should bring Huelene around Jazmine. The doctor told us to not distress Jazmine in any type of way and when we brought Huelene around her she would be sad.
So I just tried my hardest not to stress Jazmine out!
"If Jazmine was writing letters to everybody then what happened to the letters?" Huey asked confused.
"I think she sent most of them to everybody," Ebony answered.
"Even me?" Huey asked pointing at himself.
"Yes, I think even you, but I'm surprised you didn't get it," Ebony said a little shocked.
"Yeah me too!" Huey agreed.
"Did my mother not love me?" Huelene asked a bit hurt.
"No, Huelene, she loved you, she was just going through a lot at the time and everything was just building upon her until she couldn't handle it anymore," Ebony tried to assure as Huelene felt a tear slide down her cheek.
"I felt as if I was stressing her out, but I feel it's because I didn't want to accept her death," Ebony sadly admitted.
"When did Jazmine you find out Jazmine was dead?" Huey slowly asked as Ebony felt as if she swallowed her gut.
August 16, 1993
I remember it like it was yesterday!
After almost went a month of not visiting Jazmine, I decided to visit her. Nicole and Huelene had gone thereafter they went to church and I was debating if I should go see Jazmine.
I had missed her, and I thought it was finally time to go see her. As I said before, I thought I was one of the reasons why Jazmine was stressed out, so after I took time from her I thought it would be perfect if I go see her again.
I went and dressed out of my church clothes and put on my regular clothes. I always looked professional when I went out in public.
I drove to the hospital excited to see Jazmine, but when I got there I had been met with disappointment.
Nicole was in the hallway with Huelene in her arms. She looked sad along with Huelene.
"Hey, Nicole!" I said smiling.
"What's wrong?" I asked concerned.
"Ebony, I have some bad news," she sadly spoke.
"What, what happened?" I asked still concerned.
"You know how Jazmine had that disease?" she asked me to see if I remembered.
"Yeah, what's wrong?" I asked. I felt as if I already knew the answer, but I didn't want to believe my own thoughts.
"Jazmine..." she tried to say as tears were coming down her cheeks. It was getting hard for her to say it and then she took a deep breath: "Ebony, Jazmine didn't make it."
My heart had stopped!
This was the last thing I wanted to believe. It couldn't be possible! Jazmine couldn't be dead. I was in denial of it all.
"No," I said shaking my head.
"She can't be dead," I said in denial.
"I'm sorry Ebony, but the doctor just told me. She said Jazmine had died in her sleep last night on August 15th," Nicole informed me.
"Then why didn't they call us and tell us?" I asked freaking out.
"They tried calling us, but we weren't at home," Nicole said as I choked on my pain.
I started crying and covering my face because Huelene was looking at me. I didn't want her to see me cry. Not at this time!
She started to cry too and I just couldn't stop myself.
I let it all out and felt as if I was about to fall to the ground until Nicole had brought me in for a semi-hug. I dug my face in and just cried.
This was the worst pain I had ever felt in my entire life. I got attached and in the end I was broken.
It happened again!
After two weeks had passed, we had Jazmine's funeral at one of our nearby churches. We had it here in West Virginia for people who knew Jazmine so they could pay their respects.
Her coworkers, kids, nurses, doctors, and so on had come to Jazmine's funeral. It was very sad and I didn't have the guts to go speak. I was just quiet, at a loss for words, and I felt tongue-tied for weeks.
Nicole and I had moved Jazmine's body out in Oklahoma and had gotten her grave customized. Since her favorite color was pink and she liked everything all lovey-dovey, I had her gravestone in the shape of a heart. Within the heart was the title 'In Loving Memory', her full name, the day she was born, the day she died, and pictures of herself from when she was little up until now.
It was the most memorable moment of her life that we put pictures of. I was surprised to see that she still had pictures.
I remember at the end of all of it, I couldn't help but smile because she had finally made it to Oklahoma. Not in the way she wanted but she made it!
Ebony was crying along with Huelene who was tearing up.
"That's all I have to say," Ebony said finishing everything.
"Thank you," Huey mumbled.
The women kept crying and Huey decided to scoot toward Huelene to give her a hug.
He felt like Ebony told him everything, and he honestly felt disappointed because it felt like all his questions weren't answered.
Huey now had to move on to Dr. Anderson!
Thank you for reading!