2brown-eyes pre-reads this painful shit for me :p

I Touch Myself—Divinyls

THEN
MID-MARCH 1992

"Careful there," Edward says, steadying me as his eyes dip down my body. "Lookin' good, B."

I don't know why, but my face flames. "Thanks," I mutter awkwardly, stumbling around him and hurrying back to my lounger. "What the hell, Alice! Why didn't you warn me?"

She shrugs, a smirk playing at the corner of her lips. "Warn you about what?"

"Whatever," I pout, chancing a peek at shirtless Edward as he fist-bumps most of the guys.

All except Riley.

Who makes his way to me. "That looked uncomfortable."

"It was," I answer.

"Need my help?"

As I stare into his pretty blues, I ask myself if we could really pull it off. It's one thing to set a scene for an Edward that might happen upon it, it's another entirely to play pretend up close and personal where he can scrutinize every second.

"We can try," I hedge before adding a caveat. "But no tongue."

Riley licks his lips with said tongue, and I waver. Not because it's enticing. There's no way it could be with Edward here, standing across the yard in all his God-given glory. I waver on whether I should make this feeble attempt at all.

"Damn, Bella," Riley says with a disbelieving headshake. "This boy got you fucked up."

"I thought we established that at Christmas." I huff a pathetic laugh to ease the blow to my ego.

"It's cool." He grabs my hand, his fingers dancing over mine. "I know just how it feels."

I nearly choke on my shame, but the stone-cold stare from across the yard forces me to lean in, to make this show more believable.

I smile brightly, brushing his cheek. "You know I don't do it on purpose, right?"

He snort-laughs. "I wouldn't care if you did."

"Damn, Ry." It bothers me to hurt him, but not enough to stop when I need him to protect me from myself. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, Bella." He playfully kisses my cheek. "Getting to do little shit like that makes it worth it."

Riley stays close the rest of the day. He's always attentive, even as friends, so not much has to change to step into the role. Once or twice, I catch Edward frowning, but it usually disappears too quickly for me to be sure it has anything to do with me.

Dinner is a wild affair with the men manning the grill and the girls mixing drinks. If not for the latter, the former might've been inedible, but it's the thought that counts, right?

I Touch Myself blares from the stereo, and I'm just drunk enough to allow my hands to wander to lewd places. Alice is grinding against me, and most of the boys are silent on the sidelines, watching us out of the corner of their eyes.

Edward stands, eyes on me as he shimmies across the deck. He saddles right up against me, and my breath catches when his lips ghost the shell of my ear. "I think your boyfriend is ready for bed."

It feels like a bucket of ice water has been dumped on my head when he pulls back and moves on, headed toward the cooler to grab another beer. I try to stay and finish the song, show that I'm unaffected, but I do a shit job of it.

As soon as the song is over, I leave the rest of the girls on the floor and wake a drowsing Riley. "Hey, Bella." He smiles like I'm his entire world. "Wanna dance?"

"Let's get to bed," I whisper, putting one arm over my shoulders to help him stand. He stumbles, and I give him a little shake to wake him better. "I need you to help me get you there."

I was sharing with Vic, but Tyler agreed to crash in my bed tonight and let me share with Ry. Even though my back is to everyone as we go through the sliding glass door, I can feel his glare slamming into the back of my head.

His heartbreakingly beautiful glare.

Riley starts snoring as soon as he hits the mattress, a side-effect of too many beers no doubt, and I'm left stewing. I'm angry at him. Myself. And Edward. Can't forget him.

What is he even doing here, anyway?

I toss and turn and huff.

I doze but wake again at three in the morning.

Throwing off the blanket, I get up. The house is quiet, and the lights are mostly off, so I grab the bottle Seagram's 7 from the table and tiptoe outside, down the steps, and slip my toes into the cool, glowing water of the pool.

The stars splatter the sky with dots and the moon hangs heavy and half full, bathing the yard in pale yellow light. I turn up the bottle, wincing as the liquid scorches its way down my throat.

"Fuck," I whisper before turning it up once more, guzzling.

The silence around me is deafening, so I do what any seventeen-year-old would at three in the morning with an empty pool beckoning her. Tossing my tee over my head, I stand and slip my sleep shorts and panties down my legs.

Goosebumps ripple.

And I dive, naked, into the shimmering blue abyss.

Hehe not so bad, eh?

I finally got some chapters of Part III under my belt yesterday. We're halfway through this one, and we should move right into Where Do Broken Hearts Go when this is done, so keep that in mind with your expectations.

See you one more time this week :)