Okay, here's the next of RD of Stupidity. In case you didn't notice, the stories were updated a bit out of order. LDE was updated before this one, which is usually the other way around. It's because I decided to prioritize my own inspiration over the schedule because it's easier to write the way. Because in all honesty, this is the hardest of my stories to write. That may sound crazy but it's truly the most difficult. I try my best never to resort to weak cliches or low grade comedy whenever I write this, so it can be hard to consistently come up with well thought out or set up jokes. I honestly find it much easier to write complex themes and character developments over just funny moments lol. Maybe because I'm passionate about serious writing. Despite that, this is still my most popular story. Lmao. Fucking 730+ followers, 660+ favorites. Holy shit man. When was the last time I even checked? I was at like 500. Now all of my stories, aside from the brand new one, have at least 350+ followers/favorites.

Ah, that reminds me, I have a new story! Yes, a fifth story. It's a long explanation so I'll just say that's it quiet unique amongst it's genre and I just made it. It already has 60+ followers and favorites so people seem to like it. It was meant to be a OneShot like A Fool's Heart, but obviously (just like A Fool's Heart), it ended up becoming a full story due to popular demand. So yeah, there's that. Anyway, just check out the summary contained within the first chapter to get the proper rundown.

Okay, now let's just get this one out as fast we can. I'm fuckin itching to get to A Fool's Heart or "The Duality of Man". Ah, by the way, that's the name of the new story. Just letting you know.

-Scene-

"Ise-san! The fireworks will be starting soon!"

Asia shouted happily as her large group walked through the festival.

The ORC (+Mitlet and Kalawarner) were currently walking through a festival in the late evening, all dressed in Yukata. It was summer already and the semester would end soon, so they decided to attend the festival going on in a certain part of town. They walked through an aisle passing many booths lined up along the way.

Raynare, dressed in a black Yukata, pulled on the sleeve of Issei's own matching black one with an expression of disinterest.

"Babe, I'm bored. Let's go find a good booth to fuck behind."

Issei looked down at her plainly as they walked.

"We can't do that. There's too many kids around."

"So? We'll just teach 'em a good lesson on the birds and the bees."

"Birds and bees don't mix, Ray."

"Is that what you told Mama the first time she gave you 'the talk'?"

"No. The first time she gave me 'the talk' she was asking me whether I liked boys or not."

"...Y...You don't, right?"

"No."

"Oh thank God."

"He's dead."

"Yeah."

"Also, bee populations are declining at an alarming rate. At this point in time it has the potential to become a global crisis—"

"Uh huh, yeah I get it babe. [Wait till we get home], right? Got it."

"Good girl."

Issei patted Raynare's head like a pet. Though her face was only a simple smirk, some drool was dripping from her mouth. She seemed to have developed a fetish for being treated as a dog. Or more accurately, a bitc—

"..Hmph.."

Rias, in a lavishly designed black Yukata (wanted to match too), pouted from next to them.

"...Even I...want to be pet…"

Though it was only a quiet mumble, Rias began receiving a petting on top of her head. She smiled happily like a child.

"Hm?"

Issei stopped in his tracks and looked back.

"What's wrong, babe?"

Issei did not answer. He merely looked on into the crowd of people walking past and around. He turned back to his group.

"There's a booth back there that I want to see. You guys go on ahead."

Raynare raised a brow.

"Hm? I'll go with you then."

Issei shook his head.

"No. You guys go find a good spot to watch the fireworks. I'll find you soon."

Raynare furrowed her brows.

"Babe, what's wrong?.."

"Mm. Nothing. I just want to see something. Go on ahead."

Raynare and Issei stared at each other silently. With hesitation, Raynare agreed.

"...Alright. Don't take long."

"Yeah."

With that, Issei walked away from the group in the opposite direction. He walked down a few meters to reach a booth to his left. A goldfish catching booth.

"Oya, my rice-net broke."

At the booth, sitting at the water box filled with goldfish, was a man in a grey Yukata with black and blonde mixed hair. Issei sat down beside him as he was handed a small fishnet by the booth manager. Issei immediately caught a goldfish in his net with no trouble.

"Oho! Impressive. Not bad, boy. Not bad at all. Let's see if this old man can do it. Manager, let me at it another time."

The man retrieved another fishnet from the manager and made a second attempt. Issei stared at him blankly.

"Who are you?"

Issei asked him plainly.

"Who, me?"

The man smirked. He turned to Issei with a charming smile that gleaned in the light.

"I'm just an old man."

—Issei was met with the face of an extremely handsome, charming, astonishing, breathtaking, intelligent, strong, irresistible, absolutely unimaginable—

"You have something stuck in your teeth."

…..

…..

The man quickly turned around and rubbed his teeth rapidly. He turned back with the same smile.

"Who, me? I'm just an old ma—"

"—It's still there."

…..

…..

He turned around and rubbed his teeth vigorously.

"Is it gone now?"

"No, It was never there."

"Ah."

…..

…..

Splash!

"Ah, look Kaa-san! I caught one!" "Good job, honey!"

…..

"Ahem."

The man cleared his throat.

"I'm the Governor Azazel. The leader of the Fallen Angels."

He said it plainly. Issei stared blankly at him. After a few seconds, he pointed at the man's head.

"Why do you have pudding hair?"

"Hm? I've always had this hair."

"I don't believe you."

"Well, whether or not it's true is part of the mystery, you know?"

"You fell from heaven with that hair?"

"Heh. Who knows?"

The man smirked cooly. But Issei—

"Mm. Midlife crisis."

—said that.

…

"Hahahahahahaha!"

After a few seconds of silence, the man named Azazel laughed heartily.

"Yes, yes, I see. Indeed, Vali was right. You are certainly alike. I see why she was saying stuff about 'love at first talk'."

"Isn't it [love at first sight]?"

"Yes, but apparently Vali couldn't see you behind the mask."

"She was the one wearing the mask."

"Indeed."

Azazel leaned back on his arms and smiled.

"Yes, very alike."

Despite the fact that he was smiling smoothly, his face went blue.

"Yes. Just like twins…."

"Are you okay?"

"Heh."

Azazel smiled charmingly at Issei.

"No."

...

Issei retrieved another fishnet blankly.

"Aren't you the one I fought a long time ago?"

"Who, me? Oh no, that was Barakiel."

"Baka?"

"Barakiel."

"Banana?"

"That's what Vali calls Barakiel when she gets him mixed up with me, for some reason."

"Baraka?"

"..."

"What?"

"No, sorry….That's just exactly what Vali has said, so it just took me back for a second."

"Does she play MK?"

"Is that the name of an Ero-game?"

"Not unless you have some freaky fetish."

"Then yes."

"Yes to the fetish or yes to the game?"

"Yes."

Issei's fishnet ripped.

"Ah, it broke."

Azazel handed him his own.

"Here, you can take this one on me."

"Thanks."

Issei took the fishnet and continued fishing blankly.

"Speaking of Barakiel, how was that fight with him anyway?"

"Oh, I lost."

Azazel raised a brow.

"Really? From what he told me you were the one that won."

"No. I was the one who got a beating."

"Hm...Is that so?"

"Yeah."

"I see."

Issei caught another goldfish in his net. The manager took his goldfish, placed them in a water bag, and handed it to Issei. He caught 3 fish in total. Azazel stood up.

"Well, I suppose that's enough out of this Governor."

"Hm? You're leaving?"

"Heh. Well, no reason to linger. Besides, there are some shops I have to visit while I'm in Japan. Before the meeting of course."

Azazel turned to walk away.

"Thanks for taking care of Kokabiel. Till next time, Sekiryuutei."

He began walking off while waving his hand back.

"Take care of those brats from my side!"

His figure disappeared into the crowd within a few seconds. Azazel cracked his neck as he walked through the night.

—Pop! Pop!

"Oh, fireworks."

The fireworks shot off into the sky above him as he walked.

'3 years ago. I remember that day that Barakiel returned to Grigori at a near death state. According to him, he had an unbelievable experience with what seemed to be the current Sekiryuutei. It was hard for him to tell because of the armor he donned differentiating from what was recorded in the data. Nevertheless, Barakiel, apparently stood no chance.'

Azazel looked up into the night sky. The fireworks popped, coloring his face with various tints of light. His memory snapped quickly back to one detail most prominently fresh in his mind, during his interaction with the Sekiryuutei.

'In the end, Barakiel...'

—A large scar that ran up from the right side of his lower abdomen, all the way up to the bottom of his chin.

'...Only landed a single hit.'

Pop! Pop, pop, pop!

Azazel smirked.

"Heh. So that's [a loss], huh? What a terrifying host."

He turned on his heel, and walked off into the night.

"Looks like you've truly met your match, Vali."

Part 1

"This isn't a joke!"

Rias furrowed her brows with an angry expression.

"You're damn right it ain't!"

Raynare scowled in a similar manner.

"I don't think it's a big deal."

The dopey faced Issei seemed to disagree with their opinions blankly. His body was lying on the couch in a relaxed manner. Or more accurately, his head was lying on Raynare's lap, while his back was lying on Rias's lap. In fact, his whole body was lying on women's laps since the line of lap pillows continued along the sofa. The upper half of his legs were lying on Kalawarner's lap and his lowest half was lying on Mitlet's lap.

There was an entire conflict on who had the right to give Issei a lap pillow that started when Rias tried to do it without Raynare's consent. It went a bit like this:

("Come here, Ise.")

("Um, what are you doing, Rias?")

("Hm? Obviously, I am giving Ise a lap pillow.")

("You didn't ask me for permission.")

("Excuse me? Why would I ever require permission from you to give my Ise a lap pillow?")

("UM, Excuse YOU, princess. I'm his girlfriend. I'm the captain of this harem, I decide if anyone gets to give MY baby loving or not.")

("S-Shut up! You are the only one who just up and decided who goes where, but I've never heard Ise's opinion on this! I don't remember the moment in which he asked you to be his girlfriend!")

("Oh, I don't know, maybe the time I took his virginity and he told me he loved me?")

("G— T-That is-!?")

("Hey, hey, wait a sec! I wanna give him a lap pillow too!")

("I also wish to give Ryu-sama a [lap pillow].")

("Okay, okay, hold on. Everybody chill. I think we can come to a compromise.")

:So with that, the 4 person lap pillow line was created as a compromise. This legendary creation was there on known as, "The lap mattress".

"Indeed, even though it was decided that the meeting of the leaders of the devils, angels, and fallen angels would be held in this town, to think that suddenly the Governor of the fallen angels would intrude in my territory and interfere with our business….!"

Rias was trembling with rage.

A few days earlier, because of the event that occurred in Kuoh between devils, angels, and fallen angels, the relations between the three factions had been affected to a certain extent. As a result, the leading members of each faction would gather together and discuss the future.

Raynare was obviously enraged at Azazel's (my) appearance as well, along with Mitlet and Kalawarner. After the incident involving Kokabiel they seem to hold no positive feelings left for Grigori. As a result, they are scowling in anger due to the encounter between Ise and Azazel.

However, Rias's family seemed like they weren't bothered by the event.

"And to top it off, to try and lay a hand on my cute Ise, the price is death! I had heard that Azazel was extremely interested in the Sacred Gears. It's definitely because my Ise possesses the Boosted Gear that he came in contact with us… It's going to be all right Ise. I will definitely protect you, Ise."

"I think it's pretty obvious that we don't need to protect him, princess."

"Let me be romantic when I want, filthy fallen woman."

"That's Ise's filthy fallen woman to you, spoiled princess."

The handsome prince, Kiba, gave his comment.

"I heard from someone that Azazel has deep knowledge about the Sacred Gears. I also heard that he's gathering capable sacred gear holders. But it's going to be alright."

Kiba spoke earnestly with a hand over his chest.

"I will protect you, Ise-kun."

Issei looked at him blankly.

"I don't like guys."

Kiba frowned awkwardly.

"No, well...That isn't what I was implying, Ise-kun. I am just very grateful for what you've done to help me—"

"BL is not my thing."

"No, I understand…"

"Yaoi is for Fujoshi."

"...I get it.."

"Gay porn is for fa—"

"—I think that's enough babe."

Raynare covered Issei's mouth.

"Mitlet, stop teaching Ryu bad words."

"S-Sorry.."

Rias began pondering.

"However, I wonder what happened… Besides not knowing their movements, it's difficult to move here as well. The other side is the Governor of the fallen angels. We can't even come in contact with him."

A familiar voice suddenly interrupted from a side of the room.

"Azazel has always been like that, Rias."

A handsome, Crimson haired man that resembled Rias appeared. The Maou, Sirzechs Lucifer.

"Azazel won't do anything like Kokabiel did a few days ago. He may do a prank like last time, though. The Governor will come earlier than the planned date."

"O-O-O-O-Onii-sama?!"

The group of the ORC immediately stood up and kneeled before his presence. Oh, except for Issei, Raynare, Kalawarner, Mitlet, Asia, and Xenovia. Rias whispered in shock to them.

("What are you doing?! Get down!")

Raynare crossed her arms while her fallen companions rolled their eyes.

"Hmph. Why should I have to bow? I ain't the Maou's servant."

"I do not serve the Devil King."

"Fuck off. I ain't no devil, so I ain't gonna bow."

Issei merely picked his ears with his pinky in a distracted manner. Asia and Xenovia looked on in confusion.

"Please relax, I came for private business today."

Sirzechs waved his hand with a kind smile. The Devils obeyed and stood up.

"Hey, my little sister. This room seems like a murder scenery. I wonder how it is possible for this place to be full of magic circles even though young girls gather here."

While surveying the room, Sirzechs gives a bitter smile. It was a room full of magic circles, candles, and such after all.

"Onii-sama, w-why are you here?"

Rias asked doubtfully. After she said that, Sirzechs handed over a unfilled printed form.

"What are you saying? Classroom visits are coming soon, right? I am also thinking to participate. By all means I want to see my little sister working hard in studies from up close."

Raynare raised a brow.

"Oh yeah, Mama said that the visits were coming up. Right, I remember Daddy saying that he was taking paid leave from work to attend."

Rias makes a troubled expression.

"Grayfia, right? You were the one who told Onii-sama, weren't you?"

Grayfia responded immediately to her question.

"Yes, the reports from the school come to me who has been entrusted with the schedule of the Gremory household. Of course I am Sirzechs-sama's Queen as well, thus I reported it to my master."

After hearing that Rias sighed.

"Even if my Maou duties are hard, even if I have to take a day off from my work, I wanted to participate in my little sister's class visit. Don't worry. Otou-ue will come over as well."

"T-That's not true! Isn't onii-sama the Maou? To leave your job and come here! The Maou can't treat a single Devil in a special way!"

Sirzechs shook his head.

"No no, this is my work as well, Rias. Actually I thought about conducting the conference between the 3 factions in this school. I came to inspect the meeting place."

-[!]-

The large group became shocked at the announcement (aside from Issei). The meeting between 3 sides would be held at Kuoh.

"…Here? Really?"

Rias had her eyes wide open as well.

"Ah, This school somehow seems to have fate tied to it. My little sister, you, the legendary Sekiryuutei, the holy-devil sword user, the holy sword Durandal's wielder and Maou Serafall Leviathan's little sister are attached to this place, Kokabiel and Hakuryuukou attacked this place. This is a phenomenon you can't label as coincidence. Strong powers keep mixing in, it's like wave motion. I think the person accelerating this wave motion is Hyoudou Issei-kun—the Sekiryuutei."

Sirzechs glances at Issei. For some reason, Issei averted his gaze from him.

"Are you the Maou? Nice to meet you, I am the one called Xenovia."

The one who intervened in the conversation is the girl with her hair in green mesh, the newcomer Devil, Xenovia.

"Good day to you, Xenovia. I am Sirzechs Lucifer. I got the report from Rias. The holy sword wielder of Durandal got reincarnated as a devil, and not to mention becoming my sister's family….Truth be told, I was doubting my ears when I heard it the first time."

"I also didn't think that I would become a devil. To be reincarnated into the side I kept on killing, even if I say so myself, I sometimes regret it and that it was quite a bold move.…Yeah, that's it. Why did I become a devil? Desperation? However, at that time, truthfully, anything was fine… But, was it really fine to be a devil?"

Xenovia held her head in her arms with extreme conflict written on her expression. Sirzechs laughed.

"Hahaha, it's great that my little sister's family has interesting people. Xenovia, since you were just reincarnated you won't understand your own way but I want you to support the Gremory household as Rias' family. I'll be counting on you."

"If I am asked by the Legendary Maou written in the Bible to do it, then I'll have no choice but to do it. I don't know how much I'll be able to do but allow me to do whatever I can in my capability."

After hearing Xenovia's words, Sirzechs smiles.

"Thanks."

Sirzechs turned back to Grayfia.

"Now then, let's continue the difficult conversation somewhere else. Hm….However, even though I came to the human world, it's night time. Would a lodging institution be open right now?"

Rias rubbed her chin.

"Hm. They would be, but it take some time to find one I suppose?"

Asia raised her hand timidly.

"W-Wouldn't it be alright if Maou-sama stayed in our home? It has become quite big now after all…"

The room became silent. Rias's face became pale while the Fallen Angel girls frowned. Sirzechs put up his hand to his mouth in contemplation. He nodded after a second.

"That's fine with me. I wanted to greet the couple whose place my sister was boarding in."

Rias protested in an embarrassed manner.

"No, no! Absolutely not!"

"Oh come now, Rias. It should be fine shouldn't it? It'd be best if I got the chance to meet the ones who birthed this odd Dragon host wouldn't it? Besides, if it is cleared up with Hyoudou Issei-kun himself, it should be no problem right?"

Everyone in the room directed their attention to Issei. However, for some reason, Issei averted his gaze.

"...It's better if you found another place."

It went without saying, that was not the response they were expecting.

"What's up with that, babe?"

Raynare questioned curiously. Issei answered blankly.

"Mm. I don't want him in my house."

"...Wow babe…."

"I don't trust Sis-cons."

"Okay wow babe..."

Despite his comments, Sirzechs simply laughed lightheartedly.

"Hahahahahahahahaha! Your jokes truly are the best, Hyoudou Issei-kun!"

Sirzechs laughed at Issei's "joke". He turned back to Grayfia with a smile.

"Grayfia, let us find a nice lodge."

"Not before you finish your work."

"...Ah, right…"

Part 2

"Hey, babe~ how's my swimsuit look~?"

"It makes me want to deflower you?"

"Ah, well that's nice and all babe, but I'm not a virgin. That's something only for virgins."

"Mm. Swimsuits are nice."

"Haah…..Alright, I'll take it."

Raynare sighed after losing her erotic pose. She was in a two piece - frilly, colorful, floral designed Bikini with flower ornaments in her hair and white sandals on her feet.

In case you were curious, the ORC is currently on pool cleaning duty as advised by the student council. Rias agreed, on the condition that the club would be allowed to use it afterwards. Sona agreed, and with that Rias brought the group to clean the pool on a day off.

Of course, after learning of this, it wasn't only the ORC that ended up following them to the pool. Mitlet and Kalawarner also ended up following. In fact, even Freed and Donasheek found out (somehow), and showed up randomly in swimming trunks with pool floats.

"Well, what about mine then, Ise?"

Rias appeared in an expensive white, two piece bikini while making an erotic pose and winking seductively. Issei stared at her blankly.

"Mm. Swimsuits are nice."

….

Rias slumped sadly and sighed.

"Haaah….I suppose that's all I'm getting then…..Okay..."

"Ara, Ara. It looks like Buchou is sad."

Akeno giggled from the sidelines in a green two piece bikini.

"H-Hey, Ryuchin.."

A small voice called out from behind Issei. He turned to see Mitlet and Kalawarner in their bikinis. Mitlet wore an aqua colored bikini with a ring floaty around her waist. Meanwhile, Kalawarner looked to be wearing the most erotic swimwear consisting of a micro purple string bikini.

"H-How do we look, huh?"

She asked bashfully as they both shifted in place nervously. Issei nodded and gave them a thumbs up.

"Mm. Swimsuits are nice."

They both deadpanned.

"...I guess that's the best any of us are getting…"

Asia appeared in a school swimsuit, along with Koneko.

"I-Ise-san! How do I loo—"

"Don't bother Asia, you won't get anything out of him."

"Asia looks illegal."

"Okay, well, you'll get something out of him."

Rias tapped Issei on his shoulder.

"Speaking of which, Ise. There's something I'd like to ask of you."

"Hm? What's that?"

-DxD-

"1, 2, 1, 8, 3, 5."

"Hm. Perhaps having Ise do it was a bad idea."

Rias stated that blankly as she watched Issei teach Koneko how to swim. Not too far off from them, Asia was also learning how to swim with Raynare being the one leading her.

"Uuu...I wanted Ise-san to teach me…"

"Sorry, Asia."

"Eh? N-No! It's okay! If it's Raynare-san then it is also fine! It's just—"

"No, no, I get it. I would've wanted that if I couldn't swim either. In fact, I may just pretend I'm drowning in a bit. Maybe my personal lifeguard will come and save me~"

"...Lifeguard.."

"Don't even think about it, Asia."

"Uuu.."

Raynare and Asia quickly finished their lesson.

The rest of the ORC was doing their own things. Kiba sat on the sidelines, reading a book. Raynare (after finishing with Asia), Rias, and Akeno were sunbathing. Asia laid tiredly on her towel. Kalawarner was talking with Mitlet, who was floating lazily in her ring floaty. Freed and Donasheek were just lounging together on a large pool floaty that resembled a mattress with sunglasses and drinks that inexplicably came out of nowhere.

Raynare spoke with Rias casually.

"So you're saying that Freed is your pawn now?"

"Yes, indeed. He became my two piece Pawn right after the incident."

"How come we didn't see him at school or anything?"

"He refused to attend. He practically refuses to do anything. I'm honestly not sure what to do about it, but I suppose as long as he attends the important talks that's all that matters. I don't mind letting him have freedom."

"What is he doing on his days off anyway?"

"I'm not sure. Something about tournaments."

"Huh, that so? Ya know, Asia was just telling me a few days ago how she was considering becoming a Devil as well."

"Really?"

"Yeah. She thinks that it doesn't really matter whether she's human or not anymore, and she says she'd like to help you out as well. I guess it just has to do with her caring personality. Besides, it'll increase her lifespan so I thought it was a good idea."

"I see. In that case, I'll have a talk with her later. What about you Raynare? Are you interested?"

"Me? Nah. I think I'd rather stay a pure-blood dirty Angel. My baby likes it that way."

"Must you say that while making such suggestive poses?"

"I gotta make sure I look sexy when my baby's looking at me. Hey babyyyyyy~"

Raynare moved her legs in a sensual manner and called out to Issei playfully. Koneko, who was being taught swimming lessons, bumped into Issei in front of her.

"Ah, she noticed I was looking."

"Senpai, something hard hit my leg."

"Ignore that."

Part 3

"Alright. Let's do a cannonball contest then."

That was the suggestion Freed made once he got bored relaxing. He suggested that all of the males present take part in a cannonball contest. Unfortunately, they agreed.

Everyone cleared from the pool and stood on the sidelines. All four men were lined up in front of the pool. Going left to right, the order was Issei, Kiba, Freed, and Donasheek. Donasheek was reluctant to agree at first, stating that ("Cannonballs are not cool, so I refuse"), but Freed convinced him by saying ("You know Donashit, the more you actively try to look cool, the more you just look lame. Also, wussing out is lame.").

Anyway, the four boys were lined up and the unnecessary contest began.

"Alright. Donashit, you're up first."

"Would you ever stop referring to me that way?"

"How about you try earning my respect by doing a wicked Cannonball?"

"Hmph. Very well."

Donasheek stepped forward. Mitlet couldn't help but comment plainly from the sidelines.

"Hey, does anyone else feel like this is the stupidest shit happening today or is it just me?"

"Nope. Same here."

"Me too."

"I agree as well."

"G-Good luck, Ise-san!"

"Hey, Asia, what is a cannonball? Isn't that a weapon?"

Donasheek stopped a short meter before the edge of the pool. He took a breath. God only knows why he was still wearing his fedora. After a second of silence, he bolted straight towards the edge and jumped.

"Hoooooo!"

Splaaash!

Donasheek dumped into the pool with a greater than average splash. His head popped out from the water with the fedora still inexplicably resting on it. He asked with fierce battle spirit.

"How was that?!"

The audience clapped unenthusiastically.

"Wow, amaaaaazing."

"Splendid. Whisper-(Retarded)-Whisper."

"How impressive."

Donasheek made his way out of the pool with a satisfied smirk. Freed scoffed.

"Pfft! Alright. Let a real master show you how to do it."

Freed stepped up from his place to stand a meter from the pool's edge. He smirked deviously right before bolting straight forward.

"One, two, threeeee!"

However, once he made his 4 meter leap above the pool, he suddenly spawned something from a magic circle above his head.

"Rapidly!"

ZIN!

"Whaaaaaaat?!"

Donasheek shouted in shock as Excalibur Rapidly spawned in Freed's hands. Holy aura built up in the sword as He descended.

"Cannonbaaaaaaaaaaall!"

He dived down to the pool with the Excalibur in his hands and created a tall splash over 5 meters tall.

Splaaaaaaaaaaaash!

His head popped out from the water.

"Hahahahahahahahaha! Now that's a cannonball!"

"Oy, Freed! You never told me we could use any of our special abilities!"

"Never said we couldn't either, dumbaaaaass! Hahahahaha!"

Freed walked smugly over to Kiba as Donasheek suddenly took off his fedora and stomped on it. Since there wasn't any attention on him, most of those around failed to notice that he had another exactly same looking fedora under that one.

"How was that, pretty fuck boy?"

Kiba smiled awkwardly.

"Ehehehe...Well, it was quite impressive Freed-san."

"Heh, cut the shit Aryan boy. I know for sure that level of splash is something you could never hope for. Must feel even more bad since you've got a micro dick."

Kiba chuckled awkwardly, though it seemed like his smile was twitching slightly.

"E-Ehehehehe, well, from the start I didn't even plan on competing with any of you. I just thought it was best not to be left out."

"Ohohoho! Does that mean you're wussing out, chicken blood?"

Kiba's smile twitched visibly.

"Ehehehe, Freed-san, I would prefer if you didn't…"

"Huuuuuh? What's up? Don't feel courageous today, pretty boy? Some knight you are eh?"

"Hehehe…..Freed-san…"

"Chicken blood, chicken blood, chicken blood, chicken blooooooood~"

—SNAP

The sound of something snapping could be audibly heard.

Oohhhmmm…

Kiba smiled charmingly at Freed, but there was a creepy aura behind it.

"Fufufu. Well then, allow me to take my turn then, Freed-san…"

Kiba stepped forward with the same eerie smile and creepy aura. He stood elegantly and cracked his neck. Then, with an unprecedented speed, he zipped from the poolside into the air 5 meters above the pool.

"Sword birth!"

An empty sword hilt spawned in his hand, but the moment it did, countless swords seemingly spawned from the hilt.

ZIN ZIN ZIN ZIN ZIN ZIN ZIN ZIN ZIN ZIN ZIN ZIN ZIN ZIN ZIN ZIN ZIN ZIN ZIN!

What he held above his head was a sword hilt with what looked like a hundred different swords combined into one popping out.

"Cannonbaaaaaaaall!"

He ended up creating a splash about 10 meters tall.

SPLAAAASH!

"What the fuuuuuuuuuuuck?!"

Kiba popped out from the water and took a breath. His eye caught onto the shocked Freed. He directed a "gentle" smile at him.

"Beat that, Creed-san."

Freed shouted to Rias in rage.

"Oy, bloody-ginger! Let me promote into Rook or some shit so I can beat this shitty knight!"

"Haah...I'm your master now, can't you at least refer to me with even a modicum of respect? Also, is it just me or did i just witness someone 'break' Yuuto?"

"Whatever, just promote me so I can beat this mung!"

Donasheek appeared from the sidelines.

"Wait a minute Freed! You didn't tell me that we could've used our abilities on our attempts! I am calling for a proper redo!"

"Haaaaaaaah?!"

The two began arguing. Little did the audience know, Issei had already been preparing himself for his cannonball.

"Ise-kun?"

"Fuck off Donashit! You're just gonna keep asking for second tries every time you fail!"

"Shut up you fool! You were the one who kept that information from me for the purpose of gaining the upper hand! This should be a fair display!"

"Um, everyone, Ise-kun is—"

"Oh wah, wah! 'Freed cheated'! Who would've EVER seen it coming! For someone who's so obsessed with looking cool all the time you sure do cry like a baby!"

"What was thaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!"

"Everyone! Ise-kun is—!"

They simultaneously whipped their heads towards Kiba in anger.

"What?!" "What?!"

Unfortunately, they were all too late to notice Issei falling stiffly into the pool head first.

"Cannonball."

—And with that, a splash equal to the width of the pool itself and as high as possibly 20 meters, suddenly drenched the entire area.

SPLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!

…

Drip...Drip….

The sounds of water dripping from various objects and people were the only ones audible.

Practically the entire pool grounds was painted a darker color due to being wet. The group of people beside the pool stood completely still with drenched bodies.

"Ah."

Issei stood in the middle of an empty pool. Scratch that— Issei stood upside down in the middle of an empty pool— He stood perfectly balanced on his head with his arms stuck to his sides as if he was a stiff board.

"I dived in wrong huh?"

He asked blankly.

….

"Ise, please get the hose."

"Okay."

Issei walked into the supply shed and retrieved the hose they used before. He tossed it over his shoulder and stepped out. Just as he stepped out, he bumped into someone.

"Ah."

"Ah, my bad. Oh, Hyoudou Issei."

"Oh, there you are Xenovia. Where have you been?"

"Ah, well, I've been having trouble until now with this swimsuit. I'm not used to these things after all. Does it suit me?"

"Yeah, swimsuits are nice."

"I see. Thank you, Hyoudou Issei."

"Call me Ise. That's too long and forgettable."

"Alright. I'm quite good remembering names though."

"I'm not."

"Well, at least with your name."

"What's my name?"

….

"Anyway, Ise. There's something I've been wanting to talk to you about."

"What is it?"

"Won't you make a child with me?"

"I'm not good with clay."

"No, I mean literally."

"I don't have those sorts of powers."

"I mean through the traditional sense. Through intercourse."

"Interview? You mean sex?"

"Yes, through sex."

"What does sex have to do with anything?"

"It makes babies."

"IT DOES?!"

Issei bolted past Xenovia and around the building to the front where the poolside was located. He yelled out from across the poolside with what looked like a blank face but his eyes were comically wide.

"Ray!"

The group turned in confusion, surprised as to why Issei seemed to be in shock.

"Are you pregnant?!"

-[!]-

Raynare grasped onto her stomach as she frantically glanced around.

"W-WHAT?! N-No! —Right!?"

"I don't know, I'm asking you!"

"I-It can't be! We've always used protection when we've done it!"

"I've never worn my armor during sex!"

"I'm talking about birth control!"

"You can control that?!"

"No you dummy! It means that we can prevent it using condoms and pills!"

"Wait, so you're not pregnant?"

"No?"

Issei's body relaxed.

"Oh."

He completely lost his shocked attitude and returned to his blank one.

"Okay then."

He walked back around the building, leaving the large group standing there silently in confusion. He returned to his previous spot in front of Xenovia.

"Sorry about that. What were you saying?"

"I will say it again, Ise. Would you make a child with me?"

Issei stared at her blankly, in complete silence.

…

…

"No."

…

And with that, he walked away from her with the hose in his hand.

…

Xenovia held her chin.

"Hm. Maybe my approach was wrong."

Issei stepped out from behind the building and walked towards the large group standing around.

"Here's the hose, Rias-senpai."

"Ah, thank you, Ise…"

"Wouldn't it be easier to just have you and Akeno-senpai boosted by my power and fill the pool using your magic?"

"...Oh!"

Part 4

A couple hours passed since the ORC (+Mitlet, Freed, Donasheek, and Kalawarner) arrived to clean the pool. Most of those around were just lazing about, relaxing under their umbrellas, or sleeping under their umbrellas. Freed and Donasheek were the only ones in the pool, besides the swimming Kiba, lying for on their mattress like floaty again.

"Wait, so what you're telling me is that your name isn't Freed?"

"No way man. What kinda shithead names their kid 'Freed'? My real name's Craig."

"Really?"

"No."

Raynare rolled over lazily from the towel she and Issei were lying on, under the line of umbrellas set up by the group.

"Mm. Babe, I'm bored. Let's go fuck in the deep end."

Issei asked blankly while looking up at the umbrella.

"How long can you hold your breath?"

"Hm? Oh! I didn't think you wanted it like that. Okay then~ This is the perfect time to test whether it's possible or not to give you a sucking from underwater~"

"AHEM."

Rias cleared her throat from the towel beside them with an irritated expression. She sighed. She reached from beside her and brought out a small bottle.

"Neh, Ise. Would you mind putting this oil on me? It'd be terrible if I got a sunburn right?"

"We're under the shade."

"Yes, but I plan to go swimming again. Would you please?"

"Oh, okay—"

Just as Issei was about to agree, Raynare's hand landed on Issei's chest.

"Hold up. Last I heard, Devils don't get sunburn, princess."

Rias frowned.

"Even so, the sun is a foreign enemy. This is a special beauty oil. It for the preservation of my smooth skin. Not that you would know."

A vein popped on Raynare's head.

"Hehehehe….wanna say that again, menstrual blood-for-brains?"

A tick mark appeared over Rias's own head.

"Hah? I'm sorry, I seem to have misheard you. Would you care to repeat that, sullied pigeon vagina?"

Raynare stood with an enraged smile.

"Ohohohoho! Looks like your tongue has become sharper recently! Have you been practicing? Good for you, little girl! How about you learn to use your tongue in a way that makes people feel good too!"

Rias stood with a similarly enraged smile. They banged foreheads their foreheads against each other's.

"Excuse me?! Forgive me if I'm not a harlot, but I'd rather be lacking in experience instead of knowing so much that I would even try using that 'skill' with other women, you trollop!"

OOHHHHMMMM!

Powerful auras began flowing around their bodies as they butted heads. Within the span of a few seconds, they took to the air and started battling ferociously.

"Take this, tampon-head!"

"Eat shit, disgusting crow!"

"Bitch!"

"Slut!"

"Tramp!"

"Whore!"

Their attacks crashed and collided with different parts of the pool grounds. Pretty much all of those around didn't even react to the ensuing conflict due to how commonplace it seemed. Even Freed and Donasheek only relaxed calmly on their floaty as the water occasionally moved them up and down in waves due to explosions.

"Ufufufu~ Rias has obtained quite the naughty mouth since moving in with you all."

Akeno giggled from next to the sleeping Asia's towel. She brought out some lotion from her bag.

"Neh, Ise-kun, would you care to apply some lotion on my back instead? Ufufufufu~"

She giggled playfully. Unexpectedly—

"Okay."

Issei agreed.

…..

Boom!

"Hussy!"

"Prostitute!"

"Prostitute?! Hahaha! Are you running out of things to say, widdle pwincess!?~"

"S-Shut up, unwanted goods of Heaven!"

"Ohohoho! How scathing!"

The two women's battle continued.

"Good luck, Rias~"

Akeno gave her "well wishes" from her towel with an unusually happy smile. Issei was blankly rubbing lotion on her bare back.

In the end, both Rias and Raynare were (blankly) ordered by Issei into repairing the damages on their own while everyone went home. They complied and cleaned up sadly until afternoon. The most of the arguing they could muster was:

"This is all your fault."

"I wasn't the one who asked my baby to rub him up like a slut."

"Even so, you are the definition of slut."

"Why you!...Haaah….who even cares…"

"...Ise…"

"Baby….."

-DxD-

"Waaaaaaa~ What a nice day. The pool was a good idea."

Mitlet stretched her arms in a satisfied manner as the large group walked off from the campus of the academy. The group was now planning on returning to Issei's home to relax and eat ice cream. Freed and Donasheek split up as soon as they left the pool area, so now it was just the ORC. Soon enough, they reached the entrance of the school.

Issei stopped in his tracks.

"Hm? What's up, Ryuchin?"

Mitlet asked curiously. Issei looked at them blankly.

"You guys go on ahead. I left something at the pool area with the girls."

"Hm? You sure?"

"Yeah, I'll catch up."

"Okay, if you say so."

The group walked forward without him. He didn't make a move until they got far enough from his sight.

Then, from behind him, a voice spoke out…

"Huh. So this is what a [school] looks like."

Suddenly, a form that wasn't there previously, stood behind him leaning against the railing.

"Wouldn't you agree, Sekiryuutei?"

The person asked smoothly. Issei turned around. The moment he did—

"Ah."

He was met with a young woman with short silver hair that covered one of her eyes and deep blue colored eyes. She was wearing a skimpy outfit consisting of a black leather cropped jacket, black leather fingerless gloves, brown boots, and navy blue thigh highs.

Once Issei was face to face with the woman, she lost her cool smile and gained a blank expression similar to Issei's signature own. A silence permeated through the air.

…

Slowly but surely, the woman's blank face gradually began to take on a new color.

Red.

…...

Sss…

Even steam began to sizzle from all around her head.

...

"Your face has gone red."

Issei said it plainly. The woman did not respond.

Sss…

"There's steam coming out of your ears too."

Sss…

"You look like you're going to explode."

Sss...

"Are you gonna be okay?"

Sss…

The woman turned away and staggered to the railing to keep her balance steady.

"I wasn't ready."

That was all she said in a matter of fact tone.

ZIN ZIN!

Suddenly, two swords placed themselves against the back of the woman's neck. Kiba and Xenovia had appeared behind her with their weapons drawn.

"I don't know what you plan to do but don't you think your joke went too far?"

"I can't let you start your rival showdown with the Sekiryuutei here, Hakuryuukou."

From behind Issei, the group of the ORC appeared with Mitlet and Kalawarner at the forefront.

"Ryuchin, get away from her! We recognize that face anywhere! That's the Vanishing Dragon!"

Issei glanced back at them blankly before turning his attention back to Kiba and Xenovia. He called out to them plainly, but there was a seriousness in his tone.

"Kiba, Xenovia, put your swords away."

"What?"

"We can't do that, Ise. This woman is—"

They suddenly froze in place. They felt an unimaginable presence behind them. Almost as if a giant Dragon was hovering over their heads.

"Put your toys away."

The Vanishing Dragon spoke dryly to them while turning her gaze back. Her expression was blank - but somehow there was a chilling hollowness to it.

"If you don't, I will break them."

-[?!]-

"It's okay. Calm down."

Issei appeared from behind Kiba and Xenovia and placed a hand on each of their shoulders.

"Okay."

The Vanishing Dragon responded despite not being the one Issei was speaking to. Her expression no longer held the same eerie feeling to it from before. Kiba and Xenovia hesitantly retracted their weapons.

"Your name was Vali, right?"

Issei asked her blankly. Rather than responding verbally, her face instead went entirely as red as a tomato while her head sizzled.

Sss…

"Ah, you're doing it again."

Sss…

"I don't even get why it's happening in the first place, but I think if it continues you're seriously going to pass out."

Sss…

"I'll stop talking."

….

A long silence sat uncomfortably in the air as Issei waited for the woman named Vali to respond in a normal state. After what felt like 3 full minutes, the redness on her face finally disappeared and the sizzling stopped.

….

"Are you okay now, Vali?"

"Vali" nodded.

"Yeah. Sorry. I freaked out because you remembered my name. Also, you worried about my health as well."

"Oh. I'm not good at remembering names, but that was a short one so I think I got it."

Her face went red once again.

"Yeah, me neither."

"Your face is red again."

"Yeah."

Issei tilted his head.

"Why are you here, Vali?"

She tilted her own in the same direction, practically mirroring him.

"I don't know. I just came here without thinking."

"Are you a stalker?"

"I've never worked with retail."

"That's [stocker]."

"No, I can't do that. I'm not good with—"

"—numbers."

Issei finished her sentence. Vali's face returned to its previous tomato state. She tilted her head in the opposite direction. Issei mirrored her action unconsciously.

"Where do you live?"

"Why? Are you really a stalker."

"I just want to know where you live."

"That's what a stalker would say."

"Really? I wouldn't know, I'm not a stalker."

"Unless you tell me why, then you might be."

"I just wanna go to your house."

"But why?"

"I don't know, why does anybody want to go home?"

"To sleep?"

"Oh. I go home to masturbate."

"You want to go to my house to masturbate?"

"Y— No."

…..

Issei turned away from her and began walking towards his group.

"Let's just go eat ice cream."

Kiba and Xenovia followed him closely, leaving behind Vali to stand on her own. She spoke out plainly.

"I like ice cream."

Issei stopped before reaching his group. He turned back.

"What's your favorite flavour?"

He asked her frankly.

"Rocky road." "Rocky road."

They both answered it simultaneously. Vali's face slowly went red. Issei asked blankly once more.

"What's your favorite food?"

They both answered his question simultaneously.

"Cake." "Cake."

…..

Issei looked down to Mitlet.

"Mito, we're gonna get Cake on the way home."

"Eh?...O-Okay…."

Issei nodded his head at Vali.

"Okay, you can come."

"Yay."

She "cheered" blankly. But then she lowered her arms.

"Ah— Wait. Do you have any porn at your house?"

"I think I still have the porn Matsuda and Motohama gave me for my birthday."

"Ah, the grand elders?"

"No, they're pretty young."

"So more like wizards?"

"Don't you have to be 30 for that?"

"Mm. Maybe warlocks then."

"Oh yeah, they play those games."

"What type of porno is it?"

"I don't know, I never watched it."

"Does at least one of them include rape?"

"I sure hope not."

"That's the spirit."

"Just don't jerk off in my room."

"No promises."

—And with that worthless interaction, the terrifying existences known as the Vanishing Dragon and Welsh Dragon made their way to the Hyoudou Household. My stupid "son" Vali, had just begun her odd relationship with her destined rival.

The world could never comprehend the calamity - that was [The duo of Heavenly Dragons of stupidity].

-Extra-

"Hm? What are you doing, Freed?"

"Practicing for a tournament."

"Tournament? How can that be? You are just playing video games."

"Exactly."

"?"

End

Okay, there goes that one. Holy shit. This chapter was so hard to get out. Inspiration for this story is so dead for me. It's most likely due to all of the inspiration I'm feeling from all of my serious stories, but it feels so damn hard to write for this one. This chapter took WAY longer than it should be for such a short ass chapter. I'm ashamed.

Anyway, sorry for the long delay. I'm going to work on my other stories now. If you felt sad that you didn't get to see Sirzechs visiting the Hyoudou Household, don't. It would've been quite boring and uneventful. I think Rias's father's visit to the house would most certainly be more interesting compared to it. So look forward to that instead.

Ah, also, in terms of a physical appearance for Vali: I think the perfect one would be [Angel] from [King of fighters]. Because like, why the fuck wouldn't it be? Seriously, just look her up. The anime version is literally just a fuckin Fem Vali. Don't know why no one ever made that connection.

So yeah tell me what you guys thought about this one, you know the usual.

What did you think about Issei and Azazel's first meeting? Considering Issei's past and present, exactly how powerful do you believe Issei is? What do you think about Freed becoming Rias's pawn? What about Asia potentially becoming a Devil? Who else could possibly fill Rias's peerage in the future? Why did Issei freak out when he heard about kids? What do you think about Issei's interactions that differed from cannon? What did you think about Issei and Vali's face to face meeting? What do you think will happen between them in the future? And why is Freed playing in tournaments? (Fucking nerd)

Read, Rate, Review go crazy.

Stay frosty.