Author's Note: This is a side-story for Crossing Paths. Takes place during the several off-screen days mentioned in Chapter 16 (Hope-Bringer). I hope for this to be the first of several side-stories and What-If scenarios that will come as inspired. I have several sitting in Google Docs but this was the first I both finished and am satisfied with.
So consider the series open again for the foreseeable future.
Louisiana
Night was in full swing. Phoenix was looking at the stars when she heard a door at Sam's house slam open. She turned her gaze and saw Bucky staggering outside towards the lake. Concern made her head towards him. She shifted into her false form as her friend fell to his knees, back hunching. "Bucky? What's wrong?" she asked, kneeling down in front of him. He looked at her with broken eyes and a scowl. "You should keep your distance, Nix. I'm...I'm not safe right now," he said in a low tone. Phoenix reached out and set a hand on his head while he looked down. "The nightmares. They're giving you problems, aren't they," she said. Bucky cracked and took his head in hand. "You don't know me, Nix. The real me," he said. "What does that mean?" she asked.
She jumped a bit when his hands grabbed her elbows. He squeezed them as if she was the only thing keeping him steady. "Why did I have to survive the fall? What the hell did I do to deserve any of this," he muttered. Phoenix shifted so she was sitting down. "Bucky. Bucky, look at me," she said. With great effort, the man met her eyes. "You're okay. Understand? Nothing is your fault. Now, what can I do to help?" she asked. Bucky's grip loosened a bit. He didn't respond but Phoenix noticed that his eyes were far away. In fact...he was starting to spiral. His grip suddenly tightened painfully, causing the shifter to gasp. Forcing the pain down, Phoenix took a few deep breaths to stabilize herself. His spiral was causing her own panic reaction to flare up.
Looking at him, the shifter decided it was nothing for it. She had promised that she wouldn't take on his burden but this was one of those times where she didn't have much of a choice. Bucky was in pain and he needed help. Her thoughts ground to a halt when Bucky's eyes suddenly shot up to lock with hers. Phoenix inhaled sharply when she realized that those were the Soldier's eyes. "That makes no sense. The programming is gone. Unless…," she thought. It was becoming apparent he was trapped in a flashback and his mannerisms were reflecting that. Bucky suddenly surged forward, forcing Phoenix to her back. The shifter centered herself. He was strong but she was stronger. Calling on every bit of survival instinct, she started trying to free her wrists. Bucky had her pinned down, his vibranium arm whirring as he fought against her struggle.
Phoenix considered reverting back to her true form but she didn't want to hurt him. It was taking everything in her not to overpower him but even that would've been difficult to achieve. The Winter Soldier had managed to put her on the ground in her true form a few years ago. Granted, he caught her off-guard but it still shouldn't have been that easy. At the moment, she was outmatched and she needed to reach his head. She only had one solution to end all this. "Forgive me, Bucky. This is the only way," she muttered. Despite being stuck in a flashback, it was apparent that he heard her. His expression changed to one of confusion. His grip lessened a bit and Phoenix sprung into action. She wrenched her wrists from his grip.
Reaching up and taking his face, Phoenix pulled herself up and pressed her lips to his. Bucky froze at the contact and the shifter started to impose her calm on him through it and her hands where they had a hold. His surprise was enough that he didn't respond. The shifter fell backward to the grass, dragging him down with her and keeping their lips locked. Bucky caught himself on his forearms to keep himself from crushing her under him. His confusion eventually gave way to the feeling of calm she was imposing but he was lucid enough again to waffle on whether or not to return the kiss.
When she felt he was back to normal, Phoenix broke the kiss and looked up at him. Bucky was staring at her bewildered, swallowing hard. "Can't believe that worked," she said, keeping his face in hand. Her friend was struggling to find his tongue. "Um…," he stammered before she silenced him with a finger to his lips. "First, let me preempt what you really want to ask. No, I wouldn't call that a kiss, per se. Think of it like...magical CPR. Only instead of reviving you, I was reviving your stability...or sanity. Whatever you want to call it. And before you say it, no, this wouldn't be considered "cheating". That concept does not apply to animals, even us sapient ones. So don't make this more awkward than it has to be. If there was any other way I could've done this, I would have," she explained.
Bucky blinked a couple of times, letting it all sink in. Technically, she was right. It wasn't a kiss. But...he had to admit she was a good kisser. He hadn't really responded in kind but he could taste her regardless. Phoenix's hands dropped to her chest as she breathed a sigh of relief. It was then Bucky noticed their position. When he had her pinned to the grass, he ended up between her knees and when she fell back during the liplock, he managed to catch his torso on his arms but his waist and hips had come to rest against her. Something snapped and his eyes went wide. "Oh my god, I'm sorry. I didn't mean…," he stammered, throwing himself up to his knees, hands in the air. Phoenix just blinked before sitting up and taking his hands in hers. "Breathe, Bucky. You're okay. I'm okay. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. It just ended up that way because of how we got there," she said, calmingly.
"But I…," he croaked, his voice catching. "James Buchanan Barnes, you need to get a grip. It's fine. Take a deep breath," Phoenix cut him off with an authoritative tone. The White Wolf did as he was told. "Good. Now, remember what I am. Am I a woman?" she asked. Shaking his head slowly, Bucky swallowed. "Have you ever laid a hand on me without my consent?" Phoenix then asked. Another shake in the negative, which made her proud. It meant Bucky knew she was writing the hairy encounter off as one with the Soldier, an entity she kept separate from the one known as Bucky Barnes. "Now keep those answers close. As I said, I didn't have much of a choice but to do what I did. You were trapped in a flashback, I saw a shadow of the Soldier, I wasn't about to lose you a second time. So I did what I had to do to bring you back to me. All this is on me. Not you. Never you. I feel no shame or discomfort with what happened but I'm deeply sorry if you're feeling compromised," she explained.
It all came crashing down around Bucky's ears. Not only had he almost caused her harm but she had to sacrifice her own safety and comfort doing what she did to get him out. Phoenix wasn't a woman but she was in her womanly guise regardless. While wise, she was so innocent. Nothing about that encounter was normal. She had to have known that. Real men just didn't treat women that way. His eyes swam and his head dropped to his chest. He dropped her hands to hold his head. He sat back on his heels, hunching over, as he tried to wrangle his emotions in. "Don't…," he rasped when he sensed her reaching for him. "It's okay, Bucky," she whispered. His tearful eyes met hers with no small amount of effort. She smiled kindly at him before running a hand through his hair and shifting to her knees. Reaching up, Bucky took her hand and brought it down to kiss the back of it. Phoenix let him keep a hold of her hand, using her other one to stroke his hair.
After a few minutes, Bucky quieted down. He took a few deep breaths and sighed. "Sorry. I didn't mean for any of this, Nix," he apologized. Phoenix smiled before bringing his eyes up to meet hers. "It's okay. I'm sorry I broke my own promise. You asked me not to use my magic to ease your burden but I...I didn't see any other way to help you," she said in kind. "I'm glad you did, though. It brought me back," he assured her. The shifter smiled, taking another soothing breath to calm her own nerves. While her outward demeanor was the epitome of calm, she was feeling as rattled as Bucky was. "Come on. Let's get you inside. You need to sleep while my magic runs its course," Phoenix said. She got her feet and pulled him to his easily. "I keep forgetting your strength doesn't scale with your body," he muttered as she wrapped an arm around her neck and slid hers around his waist.
She just chuckled. If she were human, she'd have what they'd qualify as superhuman strength. But it was normal for a beast of burden her size to be that strong. She walked Bucky back into the house and he directed her to the couch. He sat down heavily on it and rubbed his face with his hands. "Nix?" he asked as she stood up straight. "Yes, Bucky?" she asked. "Can you stay?" he asked. "Sure," she responded. Groaning a bit, the man lied down and closed his eyes. Phoenix knelt down at his side, taking his hand and running her thumb along it. "Sleep. I'll be right here when you wake up. The nightmares won't bother you," she whispered, her other hand coming up to rest on his temple. "I have to say...you kiss pretty good," Bucky said as he started losing consciousness. He fell silent as sleep took him. Phoenix just chuckled to herself. She still didn't think the line was blurring in his eyes. He was just wiped out from what had happened and it seemed to put him in touch with his 1940's mannerisms. She knew better than to assume anything.
"Though I will say that if things had been different...you would be the one…," she muttered to herself before cutting off the thought. It wasn't uncommon for humanshifters of any species to fall for humans in All World. But very few would ever take a human as a pair-bond because of the power dynamic and because humans died so fast in comparison. Seiryu had once loved a human woman and she paid for his love with her life. He had lied to her about his true identity and when it came out, she couldn't handle the truth behind the deception. By all metrics, Abigail was weak. Maybe that was unkind to think. It took humans of a certain caliber to handle the extremes of draconic emotion. Dragons felt so intensely that if their emotions could kill, a lot of people and animals would die just being around one. When they weren't feeling any particular emotion, they felt nothing almost to the point of apathy. Training themselves to control and regulate their emotional extremes was an intrinsic part of their culture.
Coming out of those thoughts, Phoenix contemplated the question 'what if'. Deep down, she could see herself falling for Bucky. Despite everything he had gone through and had been made to do, he was still one of the kindest humans she had ever met. His good heart shone so brightly in spite of his past. He struggled to see it himself but it was clear to her. She still had to consider that perhaps falling in love with him wouldn't be genuine on her end. It would most likely be out of pity and he deserved better than that. Or maybe it would be genuine and all she'd have to wrestle with was the fact she was going to outlive him by a wide margin if things went well. It was a struggle she was already dealing with. Her bond with him was so tight now that she didn't want to imagine a world without him.
Smiling sadly, Phoenix sat on the edge of the couch long enough to lean over and kiss Bucky's forehead. His hand tightened a little on hers but it went lax again. She slipped her hand out and stood up. She went to the front door and went out onto the porch. Shifting back into her true form, Phoenix decided to stay where she was to sleep. She wasn't anywhere anyone could see her so she felt safe sleeping out in the open. Plus, she had promised Bucky she would be there when he woke up. Staying on the porch meant she would be close by in case something else happened and she had to intervene again. Lowering her bulk to the porch, the chimera took a calm breath and brought her head down. Sleep then took her.