Author's Note: This was one of many potential Side-Stories waffling around in my head. I finally got this done after working on it for the better part of the week. I had a bit of a block preventing me from doing what I wanted to do with it. Mainly because I was, as Nix would say, thinking like a human. This takes place during the last episode of FATWS, after Bucky confesses to the old man. I kept the aftermath ambiguous like the show did because it ultimately doesn't matter in the long run. There were many ways to infer that look Bucky gave him through the restaurant window in that one scene. It was left up to fans to decide how things ended between him and Nakajima in their own headcanons. So I chose to maintain the ambiguity of it all by having Nix not ask.
New York City
Bucky and Phoenix entered his apartment. Both were quiet. Bucky had met with Yori Nakajima alone to explain his role in his son's death. Phoenix had remained down the hall out of respect but it didn't stop her from feeling the sorrow emanating from the old man's apartment. When Bucky came out and approached, Phoenix said nothing. The outcome of the confession wasn't for her to know. She let her friend know through a gentle squeeze of the arm that he didn't have to say anything and she wouldn't ask. Regardless, it was obvious that Bucky was hurting badly. Whether it was the guilt of what he had done as the Winter Soldier or if the confession had cost him a friendship, she would not guess or ask aloud. She confined the question to the depths of oblivion.
Bucky sat down heavily on his bedding against the wall. Phoenix sat down next to him, close enough to keep him from feeling isolated but at a respectful distance away so he didn't feel smothered. The shifter stayed quiet as her friend broke down in sobs. Bucky clutched his head in his hands. Phoenix just looked at him sadly, her heart breaking on his behalf. But she remained resolutely silent. Words were useless now. Nothing she could say would ease his pain. She did move a bit closer to slowly and carefully lean her forehead to his shoulder. She could hear the mechanisms in his metal arm whirring and shifting around.
After a moment, Bucky pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly. Phoenix returned the hold, wishing she could will her own strength to him while he was hurting. This was ultimately the most she could do. Just being a rock and a comforting presence. Bucky had his face buried in her chest while she encased his head in her arms. She shifted enough to straddle his lap but other than that, the only movement she made was running her fingers through his hair as lovingly as a mother would her child. She opened her senses and allowed his burden to flow into her. At this point, she didn't care about the promise she made about not taking on his burden. It was one thing not taking on his demons but it was another to not take on his sorrows and she had made no such promises. Doing what she could to ease his pain in the only way she knew how was all she could do.
An hour later saw them lying on their sides on Bucky's bedding. They were facing away from each other but their backs were touching. Phoenix's eyes were closed, meditating. Bucky was hugging himself. The shifter could sense he was calming down now. Her eyes slowly opened but she didn't move. "Are you okay?" she asked in a small voice. "Yeah. Thank you for being there," Bucky responded. A smile grew on her face and she leaned into his back a bit. "I won't ask what happened. That's a cross for you to bear alone," she said. "You read my mind. That's exactly what I hoped you'd say," came the reply. Phoenix looked over her shoulder but he was still looking at the couch. She took a deep breath and faced forward again.
"Hey, Nix? Can I ask you something?" Bucky asked. "Sure, my friend. Anything," she responded. Biting his lip, the White Wolf got his thoughts in order. "Sam and I talked the last time we were down south. He gave me the rundown of what Zemo said to you in the prison after I left you alone with him," he came out and said. He felt his inhuman friend stiffen slightly behind him. "Next time I see him, Zemo is a dead man," she muttered, darkly. Bucky gave her a small nudge with his elbow. "Forget about him, Nix. Thing is...I think we need to talk about exactly where we stand with each other," he said. He felt the shifter move but he remained where he was. "What does that mean?" she asked.
Phoenix watched as Bucky finally turned to face her. His eyes looked so defeated but determined. "Let me ask you something. You're a humanshifter but just how human do you get when you shift?" he asked. Cocking an eyebrow, Phoenix got a bit more comfortable. "It varies from shifter to shifter. But a fundamental truth we generally agree on is that if we become human enough to cry as real humans do, we've gained a bit of true humanity," she explained. She met Bucky's surprised eyes and could practically read his mind. She had cried in front of him before. In fact, she had been human enough to cry for a number of years now. "So...how human would you say you are?" he asked. "Not that human. I can emote like one, think like one, cry like one, but I am what I am," she responded. Phoenix then looked at her friend. "Are you going somewhere with this?" she then inquired.
Bucky swallowed hard, unsure how to get his thoughts out. Understanding dawned and she smiled. "James...are you...how do the humans say...catching feels?" she asked. Despite the question, Bucky found himself laughing. He never would've guessed she'd pull such a human expression. Once he got himself under control, he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "To answer your question...maybe. I'm not exactly sure," he responded. Phoenix sat up and crossed her legs. "Take your time. We have all night," she assured him. Bucky leaned against the wall. "I don't think that I'm falling in love with you, per se. More like...I'm in love with the idea of you. You've stuck with me through thick and thin, Nix. You've had a taste of what HYDRA made me do but it never stopped you from giving your all on my behalf. You've been put in danger and awkward situations more times than I can count. You're just...amazing," he explained.
Phoenix watched as he looked her body up and down almost wistfully. "I know you said this isn't the real you and I accept that without question. But if I'm being honest, I wish it was," he admitted. The chimera in disguise just hummed. "That makes two of us, Bucky," she responded. Surprised blue-greys met her violets. Phoenix went on to explain that it wasn't uncommon for humanshifters to fall for humans in her homeworld. Such pairings were just exceedingly rare because of the power dynamic and because humans lived and died so quickly by comparison. "Are you saying there's a part of you that feels something for me?" Bucky asked. Phoenix leaned forward to set a hand on his forearm. "Probably the small part of me that is human. But we both know we can never happen," she said.
Setting his vibranium hand on her own, Bucky just smiled. "I wouldn't dream of coming between you and him, Nix. You know that," he said. "I have no doubt of that. You're too kind," she said. Her friend just shook his head. "I'm really not. I'm wishing for things that can never happen and I'm feeling frustrated," he admitted. Phoenix gave his arm a small squeeze before her face went neutral. "Bucky, can you be honest with me about something?" she asked. A confused look met her inquiry. "Is the line between this and my true nature blurring?" Phoenix ventured, motioning at her current body. His eyes looked her over again and grew sad. "No. You pass for a human but knowing what I know...I can't see you as human. You're kind, generous, beautiful, and a solid rock for me but that can be chalked up to your true nature as an animal. Breaks my heart a little because I can't think of a better girl than you to fall for," he said.
Phoenix sighed in relief. If things were blurring, she'd feel like she'd have to leave this world behind because she didn't want to be the source of his suffering. Bucky had gone through too much already. The man sighed and met her eyes. "Would it be okay for me to have feelings for the part of you that is human? Or is this a fantasy I should stamp out?" he asked. Phoenix pondered the question. On the one hand, it would be better for both of them for him to stamp it out right there. If he got fixated on it, it would be detrimental to his future growth. But on the other, Bucky wasn't the sort of man who was distracted by much. His past, perhaps, but that was sadly normal for someone like him. He was a victim of experimentation, a long-serving POW, and had a lot of blood on his hands. If anything, his past was more of a stumbling block than any feelings he had would ever be.
"I can only propose a compromise. I'm fine with you having those feelings but at the same time, I don't want to set you back in your recovery either," Phoenix responded. Reaching over to set a hand on Bucky's face. "Promise me that if you find yourself unable to manage it, tell me. I will remove myself from this world and never come back," she finished. "Wait, what?" Bucky said, dumbly. She just pressed a finger to his lips. "Let's put it another way. The last thing I want to become is a crutch for you. I like that you rely on me and these feelings you have for the part of me that is human are innocuous. They're not a problem right now and you're doing fine on your own as well. All I'm asking is that if they start becoming a problem, you let me know. The best I can do is remove myself from this dimension, possibly forever, because I couldn't live with myself if I started holding you back," she explained.
The gears in Bucky's head were turning. He realized with a jolt she was asking the same of him as he suggested to Steve before he left. In Steve's case, Bucky knew that their paths had diverged the moment he fell from the train. Things were never going to be the same between them again, no matter how hard they tried. Deep down, both men knew it, especially after the fight at the German airport seven years ago. The final battle with Thanos and everything leading up to it clinched for him. Bucky refused to let Steve set himself on fire to keep him warm when he had more of a chance than anyone to get what he desired and it was obvious Steve just couldn't live in the present day anymore. His faith in authority was shattered and America was no longer a country he could fight for. It had been Bucky who encouraged Steve to take the shot and live the life he wanted. Phoenix was asking the same of him. She was telling him that if he started forgetting what she was, they had to separate for his own good.
Phoenix had to carry and manage a lot of baggage from her own past and she didn't want to add to his own burden. If her continued presence in his life started to cause him to stumble, she was willing to do whatever was necessary to remove herself from the equation. Even at the cost of their own friendship and happiness. Ruthless wasn't a word Bucky ever thought he'd find himself associating with her but that became the truth at this moment. Phoenix was ruthless enough to break both their hearts if it meant helping him and do so out of nothing but kindness. She didn't have it in her to be malicious. Unable to hold back anymore, Bucky grabbed her upper arms and pulled her into a kiss. The shifter only hesitated for a second before returning it. He pulled her down and rolled on top of her, not breaking it. Part of him knew he was decimating the line that had existed between them but he needed this.
Phoenix locked her arms around Bucky's neck. His flesh arm cushioned her neck while his vibranium hand gripped her waist. She could read everything he was feeling in that kiss, things he couldn't put into words too well. He was thanking her for everything she had done, that he understood the way things were, and that he was content in their current dynamic. The kiss was just him asking a rare favor. Spur-of-the-moment, sure, but innocuous all the same as far as she was concerned. The only ones who would have an issue with this would be people. She wasn't people. She was what she was. A beast of burden, capable of carrying the weight he was handing off with both his body and his emotions.
The kiss eventually broke and Bucky brought his head down to rest it over Phoenix's shoulder. The shifter just ran her hands over his back soothingly. She could hear the mechanisms in his vibranium arm whirring a bit as he fisted it near her head. "I'm sorry. I really crossed the line there," he mumbled. "It's fine. Let's just say we're even now. I had to kiss you to bring you out of a potential reversion and you had to kiss me to give me a message you couldn't find the words to say. Fair enough?" she asked. "Fair enough. I don't have much energy to argue about it and I remember full well that human social conventions don't apply to you," Bucky responded. He sighed. "Do you mind? I'm feeling exhausted now," he ventured. Phoenix smiled over his shoulder and pat his back. "Sleep, my friend. But before you do, are we good?" she asked. "We're good. Now that I got it out of my system, I feel back to normal," he responded.
"Then let your dreams take you elsewhere. I'll be here when you wake up. I promise I won't leave," the shifter replied. A mumbled thanks was all she got before Bucky's body went slack. Phoenix shifted her hips a bit to get a bit more comfortable. She let her elbows come to rest on the floor but her hands remained on the man's sides. She ran them along his rib cage for a little bit before it became apparent he had fallen into deep sleep by that point. She slowly and carefully rolled Bucky off to the side. His vibranium arm remained draped over her waist and his flesh arm shifted until it cushioned his own head. Phoenix settled into him and slipped a hand under his vibraniam arm to rest it on his own waist. Her eyes slid shut and she fell asleep.