Author's Note: So this turned into a mini-trilogy. The ideas kept coming. I think I managed to wrap up this storyline up to where I can focus my energy on new side-stories and what-if scenarios. Enjoy.

Third of the What-If 3 trilogy.

One stormy night

A storm rolled through New York, drowning out the late-night sounds of the city. In their apartment, Phoenix and Bucky were asleep in bed. While the White Wolf was completely at ease, the former chimera was a different story. Her mind was gripped in nightmare after nightmare of the Triad Events. Her hands had a chokehold on the comforter while her breathing was coming in erratically. Memories of war and death filled her mind to near-bursting. Screams echoed in her ears. The sounds of metal meeting flesh and bodies getting rent apart. It was too much.

Phoenix's eyes shot open and she quickly sat up, staring at the wall. She remembered where she was and her eyes slid down to look at the man still sleeping beside her. She bit her lip as her eyes flooded and her face was burning in humiliation. The Enemy, a malevolent yet formless spirit, had taken great pleasure in throwing the circumstances surrounding her creation in her face, from Allianna's defilement by the kelpie Thanatos in excruciating detail to Phoenix's creator carrying out his many experiments on her after birth. It wasn't just what the Enemy had done before his final defeat. It was just the sheer horror of the Tribulation War and the Battle of Armageddon that had almost destroyed her.

All World had been no stranger to war over the Epochs but the first two Triad Events were on an unimaginable scale. It was made even worse when she witnessed the Apocalypse. Imagine, if one can, being out at the mercy of the Road. You're hurtling away from your homeworld, watching in utter horror as the planet breaks into pieces in double time. The moon is suddenly slingshot into deep space with the loss of the gravity well that had held it in place. It would wander the cosmos as a rogue object until it was either recaptured or destroyed in interstellar space via a collision or being pulled apart by a much larger planet. The star the planet had orbited had gone out and any other celestial bodies in the system were lost to the darkness. The End was a traumatizing thing to witness.

Phoenix's head started splitting and she tried to keep her sobs quiet, not wanting to wake Bucky. She felt worthless and alone. This was why she couldn't function in human society. The memories and her experiences were crippling. She hadn't had these nightmares in some time but whenever they came, it never changed. She was reduced to a quaking mess. The room felt cold but she was sweating. She felt really dizzy and sick. Stumbling out of bed, Phoenix quickly made her way to the bathroom. She promptly lost the contents of her stomach until she had nothing left to lose. She lay down on the cool floor, completely wiped out and lacking any energy to make it back to the bedroom.

Bucky stirred and cracked his eyes open. He looked to see Phoenix's side of the bed empty and sat up. He saw the bathroom light on and knew deep down something had gone wrong. Getting out of bed, the White Wolf made his way to the bathroom and looked in to see Phoenix on the floor. She looked pale and she was shivering. Bucky entered and knelt down, setting a hand on her shoulder. Phoenix slowly looked up at him and she broke down. Giving her a sad smile, the former Winter Soldier slowly and carefully lifted her upper body off the floor and sat down, cradling her to his chest. She buried her face in the crook of his neck and just cried. He didn't have to ask. He knew. Ever since she had come to live with him full time, there had been nights like this periodically. Bucky held Phoenix tightly, seeking to ground her in reality and to remind her she was safe. The nightmares would pass in time.

Phoenix never failed to feel completely safe and protected in Bucky's arms. He didn't complain once that she was drenched in sweat. His metal arm was almost burning cold on her back. He held her so securely, he was a rock in a stormy sea. He would whisper here and there about how she was safe and he wouldn't leave her. She eventually quieted down and, despite having been drained of energy, felt even more drained. Her head felt like lead. Once she was calm, Bucky shifted to lean her against the tub while he stood up. He ran a washcloth in the sink and gently wiped her face and neck. He then got her to blow her nose into some tissues and ran the washcloth over what skin he could to cool her down. Phoenix shivered a bit.

"You okay?" Bucky asked. The woman just shook her head, not trusting her voice. He ran his hand through her hair and noted it was looking a bit stringy. He looked at the clock and saw it was around two in the morning. He decided to do something nice. "Hey, let's go to the kitchen sink. I'm going to wash your hair. It'll help you feel better," he said. Phoenix's muted face then looked at him a bit confused. Bucky just grinned and stood up. He leaned over and took her arm, easily helping her to her feet. She moved under her own power and they went to the kitchen. Bucky pulled a stool over to the sink and had her sit on it. He got her some water to drink and then returned to the bathroom to grab a towel, her shampoo conditioner, and her brush.

"Lean over the sink, doll. Leave the rest to me," Bucky instructed. Phoenix did as she was told. Bucky started running the water and once it was warm, he used the attachment to start wetting her hair. Once it was sufficiently wet, he squeezed some of her shampoo in his hands (privately thanking Wakanda for a waterproof arm), and started lathering her hair. He massaged Phoenix's scalp while he was at it and he could see her entire body starting to relax. He smiled to himself. Being able to help the woman he loved with his whole being made him feel useful. He couldn't help her fight the battles she had with her own mind but he could help her get through the aftermath.

Bucky rinsed the shampoo out before repeating the process a second time to make sure Phoenix's hair was completely clean. It never failed to dazzle him with how it shimmered, each color stripe clearly defined and in place. Once he was done, Bucky took the towel and wrapped it around her tresses. He had Phoenix sit up straight and he started vigorously drying it. Afterward, he draped the towel over his shoulder before taking her brush. He started to gently run it through her hair. When he was done, Bucky set the brush on the counter and stood between her knees. Phoenix just wrapped her arms around his middle, still shaken. The White Wolf smiled at the top of her head and placed his hands on her shoulder blades.

After a bit, Bucky helped Phoenix to her feet and picked her up. He carried her back to the bedroom and shut the door. He set her down on the bed and stood over her on his hands and knees. Phoenix looked up at him, the lightning from the still-raging storm throwing shadows over his face. Bucky slowly lowered himself and pressed his lips to hers. She slowly responded and the White Wolf deepened the kiss. He nudged her knees apart with one of his own and came to rest on top of her. He kept their lips locked as he used his vibranium arm to brace himself while his flesh hand ran down her side.

Phoenix's breath hitched a bit in surprise when Bucky hiked her hips up and rolled his against her. He didn't do anything further than that but their position obliged her to wrap her legs around his waist so she could be comfortable. His hands took hold of her wrists and pinned them above her head. Then he started peppering her neck with kisses. Phoenix's hands fisted but he held fast. Her breath started coming in short bursts as Bucky kissed every inch he could reach. She really wanted to get her hands on him but he wasn't letting up.

Bucky knew he hit a sweet spot when Phoenix suddenly arched her back and she let out a gasp. She started trying to pull her wrists free but the White Wolf kept them pinned down as he paid more attention to that spot. Her body twisted and writhed. If she were still a chimera, there was no doubt in his mind her eyes would be glowing right now. He finally stopped tormenting her neck and laid another kiss on her lips. "You like that, sweetheart? Do I make you feel good?" he said in a low, sultry tone. Phoenix was trying to catch her breath. She went to speak but Bucky deliberately jerked his hips, causing her to inhale sharply. "What was that? I didn't hear you," he said. He interrupted her again with a harder jerk of his hips. Her breathy gasp filled his ears while her legs tightened around his waist. He then gave her a slow, sensual kiss, finally letting her wrists go. He broke it and started planting kisses on her jawline.

Phoenix's eyes were half-lidded as she was bombarded by feelings and sensations she hadn't experienced until now. Her hands, now freed, slowly set themselves on Bucky's neck as he continued showering her in kisses. She pulled his head up to meet his lips and lost herself in his kiss, her hand running through his hair. Part of her knew he was dead-set on distracting her from her nightmares while another wondered if he was starting to get frustrated. Somehow, she didn't think so. It wouldn't be like Bucky to want something that intimate when she wasn't completely stable. Plus, she was barred from some forms of intimacy because of her past existence and they had both agreed it would be better to simply avoid it.

Bucky finally stopped after planting a kiss on her pulse and he smiled down at Phoenix, resting his head on his vibranium hand. Her legs were still wrapped around his waist but they were slowly sliding down. Her chest was heaving from the overstimulation. "Weaver...above…," she whispered. She took a deep breath and let it now, meeting his eyes in the dark. "Was that to distract me?" she asked, barely able to talk at a normal volume. "Yep. Did it work?" Bucky asked with a grin. "A little...a little too well," Phoenix responded, hyper-aware of where his lower body was pressed against her. The White Wolf just chuckled before finally extraditing himself from her. "Not to blow my own horn but I still got it," he said. Phoenix immediately missed his warmth and weight but at the same time, she was grateful there was some space now. For a while there, she was beginning to wonder if he was going to go farther.

Bucky rolled onto his back next to her, running a hand through his hair. He'd be lying if he said he hadn't wondered what it would be like to make love to her. But things were what they were and while she was now human, Phoenix's past wasn't so easily dismissed. The idea never sat right when it came to her. What he had done was as far as he could comfortably go and it was for the purpose of replacing her nightmares with pleasure. He turned his head to look at the woman beside him. She was looking at the ceiling, twitching subconsciously but otherwise calm. Phoenix slowly turned her eyes towards him. "I'm so cold," she said. Bucky, concerned, rolled to place the back of his flesh hand to her forehead. "You feel normal. But to be fair, you were under a lot of stress earlier. Odds are your body's out of whack," he said.

Phoenix just sighed. Bucky sat up and threw the blanket over her. "Come here, doll. I'll keep you warm," he said. She didn't need telling twice. She retreated into his arms, flinching a bit as the vibranium came into contact with her skin. "Your arm is freezing," she grumbled. "Sorry, love. Can't do much about that until your own body heats it up. Just try to go back to sleep. You're safe and you know I'll do what I can to protect you," Bucky responded. He planted a kiss on her forehead and ran his metal hand through her now-dry hair.

"God, you're beautiful," he said in a low tone. Phoenix smiled to herself. "You're beautiful, too," she thought. She tucked her head under his chin and eventually, his breathing evened out in sleep. Phoenix was still a bit rattled by her nightmares but her eyes eventually drooped shut. She focused on the safety and security she felt in the grounding effect Bucky had on her. She did feel a little guilty they couldn't have a normal relationship. She had a pretty good idea of what sort of lover he'd be if this night was any indication. It seemed that he gave, gave, and gave while all she did was take, take, and take. Still, they made what they had work for them, and, her past as a chimera aside, Phoenix had a feeling that the extensive trauma from the Triad Events would've made such a relationship impossible anyway.

Bucky was the best thing to happen to her since she first met Seiryu. He made sure the lines were clearly defined and he was more than satisfied with the way things were. After tonight, it became clear where his priorities were. He made it his job to help her navigate her new life and to be a source of strength when she was at her weakest. Everything else, such as their rather basic love life, was secondary to him. Bucky wanted her safe, secure, and happy. Phoenix knew things were uneven between them and she decided to spend time finding ways to be useful to him despite her limited capabilities living in the human world. Phoenix was functionally disabled as far as the law went due to her trauma. She had enough on her mind without additional guilt. With that in mind, sleep finally claimed her.

The next morning

Bucky stirred and stretched. He looked over to see Phoenix's side of the bed was empty again and he sat up. He smelled something delicious and an incredulous look made itself known on his face. Getting out of bed, the White Wolf made his way to the kitchen and paused, pleasantly surprised. Phoenix was using the electric griddle, reading a recipe on the tablet she had been given to help teach her and adapt to life as a human. She was making bacon and eggs, which came as a complete surprise because she was vegan by nature. "What's this?" Bucky finally spoke up. Phoenix turned to see him and smiled. "I decided to give this thing a shot. I wanted to say thank you for everything you've done for me since I came here," she said. Bucky joined her at the counter and picked up the spatula. He flipped a couple of pieces of bacon. She was good.

"I'm surprised you're even handling animal products, Nix," he said, stepping back to let her finish. "That's what makes me different from the vegans I've been hearing about. My diet may not have changed but this is just how Nature works. Some animals were meant to be food. You're an omnivore, as humans were made to be, so plants and animals are fair game. I could theoretically be the same now but let's be real. Over 150 years as a herbivore? That's not easily changed," Phoenix responded, shutting the griddle off. Bucky sat at the table and watched her plate the food. She brought it over, clearly nervous about if she did it right. Bucky had been handling all the cooking for the past year. This was the first time Phoenix had taken the initiative. "Please don't hold back. I followed the recipe to the letter but I don't know if it's going to be any good. It's not like I could taste test," she said.

Bucky picked up his fork and chuckled to himself when Phoenix turned her back. Her shoulders were so stiff from nervousness. He took a bite of both and he was very impressed. She managed to nail it. Of course, bacon and eggs were simple to make but a first-timer could still mess it up. Phoenix had always been a good study and she had watched him cook many times. "So?" she asked, her back still turned. "This is amazing, Nix!" Bucky said, excitedly. Phoenix turned around, about to call him out on sparing her feelings, and was met by the sight of him digging into his food. She blinked in confusion. "You really think it's good?" she asked. The White Wolf swallowed and gave her a grin. "Darlin', I'm not about to insult your intelligence and lie about this. You did great," he said before digging in again.

Phoenix felt her worry evaporate and she just smiled to herself. She cleaned up the tools she used before reaching into the fridge to get out baby spinach, cucumbers, and carrots. She sat across from Bucky and ate. Their cat, Alpine, came into the kitchen and mewled. Bucky finished his plate first and took care of her. He sat down at the table as Phoenix finished. "Are you okay, Nix? You had a really rough night last night," he said. The woman sighed and sat back. "I think I'm okay. It wasn't the first time and probably won't be the last," she said. Bucky reached over to take her hand. "Do you trust me?" he asked. She gripped his hand in turn. "More than anyone," she responded, leaving no doubts.

"Never be afraid to wake me up if you need me, Nix. I can't help you if I don't know what's going on. I love you too much to let you suffer alone when you don't have to," Bucky said. Phoenix just softly smiled. "I'm sorry," she said. "Don't be. You've always been strong. I just want you to know that it's okay to lean on me once in a while and let me be strong for you. That's what being in a relationship is all about. I want you to bother me when you feel like you're losing it," Bucky responded. Phoenix slowly nodded, mulling over his words. She recalled a time long ago when Seiryu had said something along those lines as well. She hadn't had to rely on him very often but when she did, the High King did everything he could to help her. Bucky was asking the same. It was just a matter of letting herself be vulnerable. Old habits died really hard and she never quite lost her old instincts.

"I'll try. That's all I can promise," Phoenix said. Bucky squeezed her hand with a smile and sat back. "Get ready, Nix. We're going to take a walk along the beach. From what I remember, you've never seen the ocean," he said. He smiled when her eyes lit up. She went to the bedroom to pick something out. Her clothes had always occupied some of his closet and dresser even before she started sharing the room with him. Bucky stood up and went over to a framed picture on the wall. Something Phoenix had done when she first came to live with him was draw out a map of the Continent. It had been a roughly circular landmass with five different mountain ranges. Four were along the edges of the landmass. The fifth served as the border between Seiryu's East and Suzaku's South. Phoenix had spent her entire life never seeing the oceans that surrounded it. The closest she got was the Eastern Range but only as far as Seiryu's Castle. She hadn't gone any further into the mountains from there.

He heard the bathroom door close and he popped his head around the corner. Phoenix generally got dressed in the open but it seemed she had something in mind. Bucky just shrugged and headed to the bedroom to get himself ready. He picked out some black jeans and a muted blue t-shirt. He ran a comb through his dark hair and ran a hand along his stubble, wondering if he was in the mood to grow a beard out. He had kept a five o'clock shadow for the past several years. He hadn't had a beard for a long time. "I'm ready," came Phoenix's voice. Bucky turned around and he was struck dumb.

Phoenix was wearing a custom silver-colored Wakandan sundress. It had been a gift from T'Challa for her first birthday on Earth (May 25th) and there were little details in the dress that were elements of her past self. The eye-catcher was stitching that formed her horns. The curled horn stitching curled under her bust while the straight horn stitching went along her sternum. She had matching shoes to go with it. They were wedge sandals but they would be comfortable for long walks. Completing the ensemble were his dog tags. This was the first time she had worn it. Bucky's goofy grin was plastered on his face as he closed the distance and took her hand. He spun her around to look at the dress in full. "About damn time, Nix. You look gorgeous," he said. "Thanks. I figured now was as good a time as any. It was...too soon before," she said.

They left the apartment to Alpine's watch and headed for the subway. Phoenix, never comfortable underground, kept to Bucky's side like glue. They took the train to Coney Island Beach. Once at the station, Bucky led her aboveground. After a bit of a walk, they came out onto the boardwalk. Phoenix gasped as the sight of the ocean filled her eyes. "Weaver above...I never imagined the size of it," she breathed. Bucky just grinned and suggested she carry her shoes so she could feel the sand. Phoenix did just that and her smile lit up her entire face. She kept a hold of Bucky's hand as he led her to the waterline. The woman felt the waves wash over her feet and she laughed. "How did you go over 150 years without visiting the ocean in All World?" Bucky asked as she bent down to touch the water with her hands.

"Well, for one thing, the Continent was huge. I spent my life wandering around deep inside it and never made it to any of the shores. From what I heard, the Crystal Ocean to the north was the most beautiful blue ever seen while the Grey Sea to the south was more melancholy and prone to storms. I regret not seeing both at some point in my life but it's no use dwelling on it. This place is beautiful and the sounds of the waves make me feel...content," Phoenix responded. She stood up straight, giving Bucky a soft look. She took his hand and met his eyes. "Thank you," she said. The White Wolf smiled softly back at her and pulled her into a hug. They then took a leisurely stroll down the beach.

They ended up staying the entire day. Phoenix was in love with the sound of the waves and Bucky was more than happy to let her soak it in to her heart's content. They only ran into trouble once when some punks tried to get her to come with them and weren't taking no for an answer. Fortunately, Bucky didn't have to throw hands to get them to leave her alone. He just "lightly" threatened to make any injuries he gave them look like an accident. Other than that, the day went smoothly.

Phoenix was letting the waves wash over her feet as she looked down at her reflection. Her mind was calm and her thoughts were on the world she had lost. In her mind's eye, her reflection shifted to her previous self. Horns, shimmering silver coat, powerful tail...she missed being herself. This was her life now, being a foreigner in a strange world. It made her all the more grateful for Bucky. If they had never met in 1944, there was no way she would've survived being cast out of All World when it ended. If she didn't get herself killed trying to adapt to this highly advanced planet, there was a good chance her trauma would've ended her brutally. She owed him her life. She still needed to broach the subject of making herself useful to him. She needed to repay him somehow for taking care of her. She was brought out of her thoughts when Bucky spoke. "Marry me, Phoenix," he suddenly blurted out.

She twisted her head back to face him, surprise on her face. "What did you say?" she asked. It was obvious he hadn't meant to speak his mind right then but the White Wolf steeled himself, his hands subconsciously fisted. "Marry me," he repeated. The former chimera blinked, wondering if she heard right. Bucky started rambling before she could respond. "It's been on my mind for ages. Hell, last time we were in Louisiana, I told Sam that if things had been different for us from the start, I'd marry you in a heartbeat. It was always supposed to be a hypothetical. You know me so well. You accept all of me. My darkness, my demons, my past. You were never afraid of me, even when I had a gun to your head years ago when HYDRA sent me after you. You make me feel human. I've been HYDRA's tool for so long, I had serious doubts on if I was a human or a monster. But you embraced the monster they made me into, Nix. I can't describe how much I love you for that. So please...marry me," he said.

His entire speech, Bucky had closed the distance to take her face in his hands. Phoenix was slack-jawed as she tried to comprehend what was going on. His soulful blue-grey eyes shone with such sincerity and love, it damn near broke her heart in all the right ways. She finally got her voice back. "I...I can't…," she said. Bucky looked devastated and she quickly brought his eyes back to hers. "Just hear me out, Bucky. I promise this isn't as bad as it seems. I can't marry you yet. I still have some healing to do first and I want to make myself useful to you. I've been worrying about how useless I am since I can't function in human society. You've taken such good care of me over the past year and I don't know how to repay you. We can't even have a normal love life because of my past as a chimera and because of the trauma of losing my homeworld. You deserve so much better than me, Bucky. All I can do is hold you back, something I swore I would never do," she explained.

Bucky went to interject but she silenced him with a finger to his lips. "I know you're going to say that I'm not holding you back. Please understand that's not going to stop me from feeling like I'm taking advantage of your kindness and generosity. Just tell me how I can ease your burden of helping me. I want to be useful somehow so I'm not just sitting at home, wondering how long it will take before you get tired of me," she said, her voice cracking a bit. The White Wolf, completely stone-faced, listened to what she said and decided to hell with it. He grabbed her wrist and reeled her in. He kissed her passionately, holding nothing back. Phoenix, surprised, soon responded and almost slipped on the sand. Bucky held her steady, kissing her brains out, forcing her to hang on tightly as her legs turned to jello. He didn't give her much of a chance to breathe.

When the kiss broke, Bucky looked into Phoenix's eyes as she caught her breath and tried to focus on him. "Okay, Nix. We'll do it your way. We'll talk about what you can do to help tomorrow. It's going to be too late by the time we get home. But mark me, I will marry you if it's the last thing I do. I'm not letting you get away from me. Deal?" he asked, with a cheeky smile. Swallowing hard, her gaze dodging between his eyes and his lips, Phoenix just nodded. Bucky grinned and raised her hand to kiss the back of it. He helped her find her balance and let her stand on her own, keeping hold of her hand. "Um...there's something you can do for me, Bucky!" Phoenix blurted out. Cocking an eyebrow, the White Wolf waited for her to finish. "Grow a beard out. You looked so fine with one and I'm starting to miss it. So grow it out!" she stammered. Blinking for a moment, Bucky started laughing. "For you, babydoll, anything," he said.

Grinning ear to ear, Phoenix kissed his cheek and the pair headed back to the boardwalk to start the trip home. The former chimera kept her eyes on the ocean, watching the sunset. She was already missing the sounds of the moving waters but knew this was the first of many visits to come. Smiling contently, she took hold of Bucky's flesh arm and leaned her head to his shoulder. Dark days were still ahead for her, trauma-wise, but she felt more confident that she would eventually conquer the darkness that held sway over her still. Bucky was her support system as well as the man she loved. She threw a silent prayer up to the Weaver for strength to them both. He needed it as much as she did because there would be days where she would fall into a very dark place and Bucky needed all the patience he could muster to weather those storms. Especially when he still had his own demons to manage. Phoenix swore an oath to herself that if Bucky found himself struggling with his own past, she would be there the way he had been for her. That was the best way she could be useful to him. Things would work out and perhaps, someday, she would marry him.