The next morning
The first thing Phoenix noticed when she woke up was how sore she felt. She dryly found that ironic. They hadn't gone all the way but Bucky had come a bit undone as things progressed and his enhancements gave him a lot more power. Her eyes remained closed as she internalized everything. She ran through her usual checklist of making sure nothing was broken (an extremely old habit she picked up when she first entered the Wilds as a foal) before wondering if she strained or pulled something trying to keep up. The only thing she knew for sure was that she felt extremely loved and surprisingly fulfilled. Even during the heaviest spots, she had never felt threatened. As aggressive as Bucky had gotten, he not once went over the line. Sighing contently, she let herself fall back to sleep again.
Bucky woke up not long after Phoenix dropped off again and yawned. He turned his head towards his bedmate and smiled. Phoenix was facing him and he took her in. He was somewhat surprised to see an afterglow in her face but then again, lovemaking didn't have to happen for that. Her neck and chest were marked up big time, evidence that things did get as hot as he thought and it wasn't just some fever dream. His hand reached over to set itself on her head. Phoenix only shifted, giving a contented sigh, and settled without waking. Bucky shifted onto his side, his fingers running over her skin. A glint on her left hand caught his eye and he smiled when he saw the ring he had given her. The symbol of their pair-bond. "I can't believe this beautiful woman is mine," he thought. He set his hand on hers and sighed.
He shifted towards her and settled on the pillows. He was content just to stay in bed while Phoenix continued to sleep off the intensity of the night before. Her hair was all over the place so he brushed it off, clearing her face. Phoenix sleepily shifted closer, her arm draping across his waist. Bucky just smiled and kissed her forehead. He relished the feel of her skin on his. He felt so at home and content. His left hand slid onto her back, causing her to grimace in her sleep from the coolness but she didn't wake. Bucky took hold of her as he turned onto his back, bringing her body up to rest on his. Her weight felt so nice. He pulled the comforter up to her shoulders before he hooked her legs so she was straddling him. During all that, Phoenix didn't stir at all, only subconsciously moving so her face was resting against his neck and her hands rested on the bed under his arms.
He wondered if something was wrong with her since she was sleeping so hard. He was also a little worried that he had inadvertently hurt her. He had come a bit undone the night before, letting his passion come to bear on her and assuming she was strong enough to take it. He cut the thought off. He had to remember she was a cut above average humans. He had once asked her if there were any other differences between her and her primary genetic ancestor. She explained she had reinforced bones and musculature, an unintended side effect of the alchemical process. Alchemists didn't have any real control or say about how their alchemy interacted with a DNA culture.
Phoenix then asked him if he remembered when he, as the Winter Soldier, caused her to flee. He did like he remembered everything else. Phoenix had followed up by asking if he remembered her falling when he shot her tail off. He did. She then explained that it wasn't getting shot or startled by the shot that caused her to crash. She had hit a hole in the ground at that moment. On a normal horse at that speed, that was a broken leg. But to something like her, it was like a human tripping. So he was pretty confident that she wasn't hurt. Perhaps he had gone a bit overboard. Bucky decided to drop it until Phoenix woke up and said something. No point in making assumptions.
Phoenix stirred once more and sighed. The first thing she noticed was the solid wall of flesh she was lying on. "Finally awake?" came the question. The shifter smiled as she stretched a bit before raising her head to meet his blue-grey eyes. "Morning, love," she said, crossing her arms over his chest to rest her chin on them. Bucky grinned before pulling her into a sweet kiss. "You okay? You passed out last night and didn't wake up for a long time now," he inquired. "I'm fine. I actually did wake up earlier, just long enough to take stock of my physical well-being. I think you forgot how strong you are," she responded. Bucky just chuckled before brushing her hair behind her ears. "And what's the verdict?" he asked. "Nothing broken. I wouldn't worry about that. It would take more than that to break me," she assured him.
Bucky relaxed at the reassurance. He took a deep breath and sighed. "You're looking…radiant, Nix. I mean…you're glowing and I find that amazing, considering we didn't even make love," he said. Phoenix blushed a bit and could feel the heat on her face. "I suppose last night was our version of it," she mused before her face fell. "Actually, Bucky…I had a sad thought last night. I wish I was…," she started to say before a finger to her lips cut her off. "Don't finish that thought, Nix. I have a good idea of what it is so I'm going to nip it in the bud right now. I love you just the way you are, limitations and all. To be honest…you being what you are and having the limitations you have makes you the safest option for me anyway. I came undone last night and the only thing that held me in check was knowing I was playing with fire. The fact you woke up and had to take stock of your physical well-being makes me think I went too far even without anything further happening," he said.
Phoenix blinked for a moment when his finger dropped from her lips. "But I…," she trailed off. She wasn't sure what she wanted to say. Bucky took her left hand and lifted up so they could both see the ring. "Remember what I told you last night at Coney Island, Nix. I didn't give you this ring and ask to be your pair-bond on a whim. I took everything into account, especially your limitations. You have a certain point you can go in regards to intimacy but no further because you can't. Nothing either of us can do about that. Now let's look at things from my perspective. I'm enhanced and, as we saw last night, that means I have a lot more strength than the average man. Somehow, I have a feeling that if I have intimacy with an unenhanced woman…I might accidentally injure or kill her. We didn't go all the way, Nix, but you've proven you were able to withstand everything when I lost control of nearly all my senses," he explained.
Bucky rolled so she was under him. "That said, I'm not going to lie and say I haven't fantasized about showing you how humans do it in bed. I've said as much before. But that's where your true nature comes in. You are what you are and that makes you more dangerous than I am. I have to be cautious when handling you because of the danger you pose to me," he added. Phoenix just stared up at him. He really had given it a lot of thought. "Can you tell me what your intention was when your fingers slipped into my waistband?" she asked in a small voice. Bucky just smiled before kissing her forehead. "Well, you're not shy about your body. I just figured maybe we could at least recreate that time in the cabin. I wasn't intending anything further. But clearly, that wasn't okay because you froze up," he responded.
Phoenix hummed. "Fair enough. However, back then, we still had something of a wall between us, and being naked together was out of necessity so I didn't mind back then. I still don't, to be honest. My human body isn't anything special to me. I just wasn't sure about last night and didn't want to risk you going overboard," she conceded. Bucky brushed some of her hair aside. "I'll let you take the lead in that department. You're clearly okay with me taking your shirt off but anything else, you let me know if it's okay to remove them," he said. The shifter smiled before pulling his face down to lock lips with him. "You're the best. You really know how to make a girl comfortable," she said when she broke it. Bucky rested his head on her chest. "You have no idea, Nix," he said.
Silence fell between them. Bucky closed his eyes and Phoenix ran her fingers through his hair. "I hope you know you're beautiful, Nix," he muttered. She looked at the top of his head. She tilted her head questioningly. That was random but she smiled all the same. She thought back to when he admitted to feeling outclassed and inadequate in his ability to protect her. She countered saying that he protected her heart and self-esteem. While she didn't need his physical protection very often, she still needed and appreciated the effort he put into making sure she was in a good place mentally. "Are you sure I'm doing enough for you? Don't get me wrong. Last night was amazing but I can't help but feel like I should be doing more," Phoenix said. Bucky chuckled a bit before raising his head to meet her eyes.
"God, you're beautiful. Stop worrying so much. I'm starting to see why your mom warned you about becoming too human," he said. Phoenix brushed his face with the back of her fingers. "I suppose you're right. You do things to me, Bucky. You make me wish I were human…so we can have the relationship you deserve," she sighed. "All I deserve is you at your best, Nix. And being true to yourself is being your best. We can't make love because you physically can't. I can wish all I want but at the end of the day, I choose to put your needs and comfort over my own. I think the level we got last night was perfect for us," he explained. Phoenix watched as a flirty look came onto his face. Bucky brought his lips around to her ear. "The funny thing is you gave me a very good idea of what it would be like," he said in a sultry tone.
Phoenix blushed as she laughed and started pushing him off. "All right, you. Behave," she said, sitting up and stretching. She then closed her eyes and her clothes started to reform into a different outfit. She went with a cut that hid the marks she had. She didn't want to draw unnecessary attention to herself. Phoenix took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "In all seriousness, are you okay, Nix?" Bucky asked as he lounged on the bed. "I'll be fine. I'm probably going to go to the park for some relaxation and alone time," she said. Bucky took her hand and kissed it. "Whatever you want. Be careful," he said. She smiled at him and left the room, opening the Road and vanishing once she reached the living room.
Central Park
John Walker was taking a stroll when he saw Phoenix appear out of thin air not far ahead. He almost veered off to avoid her but he noticed she was looking a little too happy. "Oh, something is up. I knew she and Barnes were involved but that…that's the look of a woman who had a very fun night," he thought. Walker scowled, thinking about Bucky. He had been wanting to get back at him for a while but never had the opportunity. Until now. Walker had no desire to get into a physical altercation with Bucky if he could avoid it. But Phoenix was right there, alone. She was strong and dangerous but Walker had been paying attention in their past interactions. He knew she was more vulnerable than she let on. The clearest example was when Bucky was arrested in Boston. Phoenix had been beside herself in a subtle way that a soldier like Walker could pick up on. What better way of getting back at Bucky than to mess with his girl?
Walker followed Phoenix at a distance to see where she was going. She wound up at a more secluded part of the park and sat down on a bench. She was still smiling to herself and looking at peace with herself. Walker waffled a bit on his intentions. He wasn't really inclined to talk to the creature pretending to be human but honestly, the idea of driving a wedge between her and Bucky was tempting and the opportunity he had now was golden. He might never get a chance at this again. A smirk spread on his face and Walker ran his hand through his hair. He had to be careful. Phoenix was a bit unpredictable and he couldn't guess how she was going to react to his presence. He was banking on the fact that she looked way too happy to keep himself safe. He approached, hands in pockets. "Someone looks happy," he said.
Phoenix looked over to see Walker and the air went a bit chilly. She just rolled her eyes. "And why are you here?" she asked. The former Captain America just sat down on the next bench over from her. "Just strolling. I wasn't expecting you here," he replied. The shifter could tell he was being honest. He hadn't gone out of his way to find her. This was pure happenstance. The question was more about why he was talking to her. The last time they met, Walker had accused her of "whoring" herself out to Bucky. Whatever the hell that meant. It hadn't been a good encounter and Walker himself said he wouldn't have bothered with her in the first place if his employer hadn't asked him to bring her to Zemo. So why was he bothering with her now?
"I suppose you're wondering why I'm talking to you," Walker said, by way of preamble. "Quite the mind reader," Phoenix responded. The man just chuckled. "Couldn't help but notice that your shirt makes it seem like you're hiding something, Nixxie. Have a good night?" he asked. At Phoenix's reddened face, Walker turned on the bench to face her. "I never pegged you as the type. Seriously, who would want to bed you?" he asked. A glare was his response. "Not that it's your business but Bucky and I never went that far. I'm unable to," she said in a clipped tone. Walker cocked an eyebrow. "What does that mean?" he asked, genuinely curious. Phoenix just sighed. "Mares of any equine can only breed when they go into estrus. I can't enter that state. I was created with some crucial components missing. Nothing my creator could do about that, nor would he have cared. I was just an experiment. Nothing more," she responded.
Walker just whistled and leaned against the bench's back. "How does Barnes stand not having his needs met?" he asked. Phoenix looked at him, bewildered. "What does that mean?" she snapped. Walker just gave her a droll look. "Honey, I don't know how new your relationship is but you're intelligent. If you're as old as you claim to be, I doubt you're that ignorant and surely you've talked about this. You know exactly what I mean," he responded. "He and I have an understanding about my limitations. He knows and accepts there's a threshold I can't get past because I physically can't," she explained. "But does he really?" came the next question. Just as he expected, doubt started to creep into Phoenix's expression.
"Look, Nixxie. A man has needs and you outright admitted to my face that you're unable to fulfill those needs. How can you be sure he's not sneaking around behind your back?" Walker asked. She gave him an icy look. "If you're implying he might cheat…hate to break it to you, Walker but my primary genetic ancestor is a species that isn't purely monogamous. Sure some pairs are but it's not held to the same degree that humans do. That's the nature of herd animals. So even if Bucky were inclined to cheat, which I doubt he would because he's not that kind of man, I wouldn't mind either way," she explained.
Walker had to admire how honest Phoenix was being. He also gained a bit of an appreciation for the fact she wasn't human. Cheating was a dealbreaker for a lot of people. But while she said she wouldn't care if Bucky decided to go elsewhere for his needs, he still had another card to play. Phoenix's backstory wasn't known to him but there were times when he was able to make some educated guesses. She likely spent a great deal of time alone and not by choice. Boston had revealed the extension of her attachment to Bucky. Walker had been in the police station when Bucky was released from custody. Phoenix had been extremely tense in the moments leading up to it when Walker himself had come in. Once Bucky was out, Phoenix had wasted no time going to him and she had visibly relaxed a bit. But when he and Wilson had to go to the back for a session, Phoenix had been left alone. Walker remembered when she came out. Her overall demeanor was a mix of tiredness and anxiety.
"So you don't have a concept of cheating, right?" he asked, needing to make sure before he pulled his trump card. "Nope. Plus I'm that confident the idea wouldn't cross his mind. He's told me several times he wants me just the way I am and that it's better this way," she responded. Walker just laughed and she shot him a look. "What's so funny?" Phoenix inquired, an icy edge to her voice. "You really believe that? Honestly, sweetheart, you give him way too much credit," Walker responded. He met her violet eyes and smirked a bit. "Think about it really carefully, Nixxie. You're masquerading as a human but with enough human concepts and feelings to pass for one. You're involved with a man who has gone literal decades without deep intimacy and is seemingly okay with the fact you can't meet his needs because of some issues on your end. You yourself are seemingly okay if he decided to look elsewhere for what he's missing since he can't get it from you. But ask yourself this: what if he finds someone better?" he asked.
Phoenix went quiet. The question rattled around in her head. Walker stood up and closed the short distance. She looked up at him. He leaned down over her, hands in his pockets. "Barnes might be satisfied for now but trust me, he's going to eventually look for someone better. Someone who can fulfill his needs and that someone isn't you. By this point, I suspect that you actually would be bothered if he decided to find satisfaction elsewhere. You're just a distraction. A way to kill time until he finds someone able to satisfy him. A guy like that isn't going to waste any more time with someone who can't put out for longer than he has to. Not when he has his choice of women to make up for what he's missing with you," he said in a low tone.
Walker knew he had done what he came to do. Phoenix's voice seemed to have deserted her and her eyes were staring through him. He straightened up and turned away. "I'll be seeing you around, Little Lady. Keep a tight leash on Barnes if you can. But it's a shame you can never be human enough for him," he said before walking off. After a few moments of his words rattling around her head, Phoenix felt her own happiness evaporate. Walker wasn't exactly wrong in anything he had said. Bucky was a man and human men had needs. She couldn't fulfill those. She and Walker were both in agreement about that. What really concerned Phoenix was the idea of Bucky straying. Had she retained enough of her equine nature where it really didn't matter? She believed she did. But there was another issue. What if he did find someone else? What if he decided to throw her away?
Phoenix felt panic rising but she slapped her face a couple of times and shook her head. "He won't throw me away. Keep it together, Phoenix. Bucky would never do that," she scolded herself. Something else Walker said caught her attention as well. "But it's a shame you can never be human enough for him," he had said. Phoenix stood up, focused on that statement, as she paced. "Not be human enough? He's got a point. I can only become human to a certain extent but my true self is what it is. It's not like I can completely forget what I am, barring a serious head injury with amnesia," she muttered to herself before pausing. "But what if I could split my essence? Separate my true self from my human aspects? Would that fix my physical limitations? I doubt it would mean I could get pregnant since I was created without eggs and obviously, something can't be created out of nothing without the Weaver's involvement. But if I become fully human…the estrus cycle wouldn't be a factor anymore. We could engage and it wouldn't hurt…," she thought.
Phoenix didn't know if it was possible but if there was a will, there was a way. She recalled a time when she was just learning how to read, she came across a scroll in Seiryu's archives. It was a scroll on magical theory and form expulsion had been explored. Granted, it was only in theory but never in practice. Suzaku High King was basically an example of it being possible since he started existence as Ho-oh, the Elder Phoenix who had been both male and female in mind, body, and soul. However, Ho-oh was split into separate birds via the Weaver's divine intervention through a Soul Split. Phoenix was going for something a bit different and without the Weaver working a miracle. If it was possible for her to expel her true form and become fully human, then things could change. Not only could she satisfy Bucky in ways she knew he needed but she could also grow old at the same rate.
Phoenix had come to the conclusion that she was in too deep now and she didn't want to imagine a life after him. Remaining as she was meant her lifespan was going to outpace his to a magnitude of at least two centuries. A life after Bucky sounded cold and lonely. She still had Seiryu but making him a fallback after the end seemed cruel to him. The High King had said his home was always open to her no matter what and she still had his love. So even if she never fell back in love with him, she still had a home to return to. Phoenix now understood what it meant to be him, being in love with someone they were doomed to outlive if things went well.
The shifter wasn't sure she could sacrifice her true self to this extreme but something had to be done. Walker had planted doubts in her head and everything he said was surprisingly reasonable. She was starting to feel desperate and desperate times called for desperate measures. The more she thought about it, the more she felt sacrificing her true self was the right move. If she became human, she could be more and do more for Bucky. At the end of the day, Phoenix's decision wasn't for herself. It was for them as a pairing. There was a tiny voice in her head telling her not to do something so rash but she crushed it with impunity. "I have to do this. I have to…for him," she thought. Phoenix figured the best time to attempt this was Bucky's birthday coming up in about nine days. Sam and his sister invited them both to Sarah's home to celebrate it. They planned to stay about four days. Phoenix would attempt to split herself then.