Bucky, Sam, and Sarah were sitting on the porch, enjoying the warm weather that decided to pay Louisiana a visit. It was the day before his birthday. Phoenix was playing with the boys. She was in her true form and they were playing a game of keep-away with her. Sarah trusted the chimera to play safe. "The boys really love her, don't they?" Bucky asked, contentment in his voice. "Yeah. She's such a good soul. She'd make a great mother," Sarah agreed. Sam chuckled, remembering when Bucky broke the news to him that he and Phoenix took things to yet another level. Sam still didn't fully approve of the relationship but after watching the two interact, he didn't feel as strongly opposed as he once was. He trusted the two of them. Bucky took a drag of his beer. "I think so, too. But it is what it is. She's unable to have any but at the same time, she never feels like she's missing anything. She's happy and healthy. That's all I ever want for her," he said.
The chimera chose that moment to drop to her knees and allowed AJ to tackle her to the ground. He was mindful that her horns made it impossible for her head to rest on the ground and accommodated. Her tail raised and lowered in a slow, leisurely way. As she once said, if she wanted to strike anyone, they would never see her tail move. The boys were smart. They knew to keep an eye on the tail and not touch it. Cass draped himself on her belly as the three caught their breath. "She's such a beautiful animal. I can't believe anyone could look at her and think she's a monster," Sarah sighed. The men nodded in agreement. "She is beauty. She is grace. She can kick you in the face," Sam joked. "I'll drink to that," Bucky said. Sarah looked at him and set a hand on his arm. "Are you happy?" she asked. The White Wolf met her eyes and smiled. "It's funny. I never thought I'd be this lucky," he said.
He looked out and watched Phoenix roll onto her belly. Her eyes closed and the boys leaned on her sides, enjoying the weather. Her entire body exuded complete relaxation. "Nix has had so much bad happen to her…and I don't know the full extent. She's never opened up about her many decades out in the wild before she met Seiryu. Even her own mom was more forthcoming about her own circumstances," Bucky sighed. Sam looked at him and smiled. "Phoenix's always kept things close to her chest. Whatever she faced when she was younger, she weathered life's storms and came out even stronger," he said. Bucky's face fell. "To be honest, Sam, I think she's been putting up a front. Out of necessity, of course. But remember Boston? I was more annoyed than worried when I was arrested. Nix, though? She didn't advertise it but when I was let out, I could tell she was beside herself. That was the first time we ever hugged. I could tell she was really shaken up," he mused.
Sam remembered. After all, after Bucky was driven away, he had to take some time to calm Phoenix down. She had been close to falling apart because she didn't understand what was happening at the time. He hadn't thought about it until now but Phoenix had grown a very strong attachment to Bucky. His current worry was about potential ramifications to that attachment and he was worried both of them were mistaking that attachment for love. But this wasn't his to judge. They both seemed happy and content. Their dynamic was fairly healthy as well. At the end of the day, they were adults and had gone through a lot together. "You sure about the 40's theme for your birthday?" he then asked Bucky. "Oh yeah. It'll be fun. I wanna get back in touch with the old me from that time," the White Wolf responded.
Sarah called the boys and Phoenix up. "Phoenix, do you need help picking out something to wear for the party?" she asked the chimera. "All I need is pictures of the period's fashion and my magic will handle the rest. I'll need help with my hair, though," Phoenix responded. Sarah picked up her tablet and came to sit down on the stairs while Sam and Bucky took the boys to town to track down clothing for themselves that were as close to vintage as possible. The overall theme was Casual 1940s. Bucky didn't want anything formal since it was just five people and a chimera.
Phoenix and Sarah sat on the porch looking over vintage women's clothing. The chimera had remained in her true form while Sarah did the searches and showed her pictures. Phoenix eventually gravitated to a summer frock, a simple cut she would be able to emulate with her magic. Sarah asked questions about how her magic worked in regards to her clothing. In simple terms, the chimera explained that complex styles were harder for her in particular to emulate because her magic was weaker than her primary genetic ancestor. So she stuck with simple styles that didn't require much effort or magic to shift into being. After she found the dress she was going to wear, the two then looked at hairstyles from the period. They settled on a style that Sarah could manage.
Once it was all settled, the two just sat and enjoyed the weather. "Is everything okay between you and Bucky, Phoenix?" Sarah suddenly asked. The chimera shifted her head towards her a bit and gave her a questioning look. "Things are fine. Why? Did Bucky say something?" she asked in turn. "I just have this feeling that something is bothering you," Sarah responded. Phoenix looked at her thoughtfully but knew no one would understand what she was planning. She was deadset on splitting her aspects. If she had read the scroll from the archives right, splitting her aspects would give both forms complete autonomy, shared memories up to the point of separation, and their shared soul would be evenly divided. The only thing she would sacrifice was all use of her magic, which would go to her chimera aspect. The aspect itself would lose the ability to humanshift since the split would use that magic to keep Phoenix's human form as a permanent entity.
Phoenix just gave Sarah a mysterious smile. "Things have never been better. But it's fair to think that something might be bothering me. I was just thinking of something that happened before. It was long ago and not relevant to my life today," she responded. Sarah didn't seem convinced but she shrugged it off. "Can I ask you something?" she then ventured. "Sure," came the response. "Why are you so close to Bucky?" came the question. Phoenix closed her eyes and smiled. "I sometimes wonder that myself. I'm a chimera. My entire existence is due to a human. I don't trust your kind. Even without being a chimera, this is just how wild animals are when it comes to humans. We intuitively know that humans are dangerous, even when you don't mean to be. Bucky? I don't know. When we first met, I recognized he was barely a threat to me. He was injured and alone," she trailed off.
Sarah watched as a pensive look fell over the equine's face. "Maybe my mother's blood runs stronger in me than I realize. I was compelled to find him when I saw him fall from the sky. It was like I knew he survived hitting the ground. I was moved when I found him. He was afraid of a lot. Afraid of me, afraid of death…but his courage and determination shone brightly in spite of that fear. So I went against my inherent nature to give him whatever comfort and healing I could. I was honest with him, though. I wasn't sure I could save him. We were alone and far from human civilization," Phoenix trailed off. Her face fell as she slowly swung her head to bring the woman into view. "Bucky knows this already but…not a day goes by where I don't regret leaving him to his fate. I know there was no way I could've known HYDRA was going to find him and do what they did. But I wish I could change that. The regret eats away at my soul a little each day," she admitted.
"And how do you and he handle that?" Sarah then inquired. "Bucky reminds me from time to time that his misfortune isn't my fault. After all, HYDRA had gotten to him long before I entered his life. Part of this is due to my own circumstances. The closest thing I had to a parent growing up was a phoenix who was around long enough to ensure I knew how to survive before he left me alone forever. But before you ask, no, I don't feel like the phoenix abandoned me. Phoenixes are eternal birds. They live life in a way no other living thing can. They can't understand life the way we do because Time goes in a circle for them. I was hurt when he left but over time and as I learned more about the world around me, the more at peace with it I became," she explained.
Phoenix and Sarah's eyes met. "I love him, Sarah. I can only hope I can make him happy, even though we have many obstacles standing between us. Weaver knows he makes me happier than I can remember," she said with a soft smile. Sarah returned it while the chimera turned her gaze back to the nearby lake. Sarah decided to leave her be and headed into the house to dig through some trunks in the attic. Hers and Sam's grandmother had some old dresses from the period she wanted to look through. Phoenix herself let the breeze lull her into a sense of peace and security. Her head slowly started to droop as her eyes slid shut. She eventually fell asleep.
Later on, the boys came back and paused when they saw the snoozing mare. Sam motioned for his nephews to be quiet and shuffled them inside without disturbing her. Bucky handed off a clothes bag to him as he went to her and knelt down. He had a soft smile on his face while he gently scratched the area between her ears. Phoenix's ears only twitched but she remained asleep. Bucky then stood up after thumping her back scales a couple of times and headed into the house.
The following day
Everyone was getting ready for the small party. Bucky and Sam had struck gold at the vintage clothing shop when they found period dress uniforms for their respective military branches. Bucky even joked the Army dress uniform could easily have been his once upon a time because it fit like a glove. They and the boys were just waiting for Sarah and Phoenix to join them. Upstairs, Phoenix was sitting in front of Sarah's vanity mirror while her hair was getting pinned up. "You nervous?" Sarah asked. "A little. It was one thing seeing a dress and emulating it but now that I'm wearing it…I feel a bit off. Earth fashions are so different than what you see in my homeworld," Phoenix sighed. Sarah hummed in recognition. She had seen the shifter in a number of different styles and one thing that remained consistent whenever she wore dresses and skirts was the flowy nature of them. They also downplayed her physical attributes. The fashion of the 1940s did similar but not in the same way. Phoenix couldn't really explain it. She didn't feel as if she could move as freely, an important aspect to any prey animal.
"You'll be fine and when I'm done, you're going to knock Bucky's socks off," Sarah joked. She finished pinning Phoenix's multi-colored tresses up and stepped back while the shifter inspected her hair. "You're a miracle worker, Sarah," she said, standing up. "You look like you walked right out of the '40s. Come on. The guys are waiting," the woman said before hooking Phoenix's arm. They came down the stairs and Bucky turned to look.
To say he and Phoenix were stunned speechless at each other was an understatement. Bucky's face split into a huge grin as he removed the hat he wore cocked. "Nix, are you sure you come from a different planet and not from heaven?" he asked, closing the distance to take her hand. Phoenix just looked shy. "Is this how you looked back then?" she asked, taking in the uniform. "Yeah. Feels weird wearing it again after so long but Sam convinced me. You, doll, look like you belong in that time," Bucky said. Phoenix looked over the rest of him. His hair wasn't long enough to be slicked back the way she had seen in some vintage photos of him that survived to the present day but he made it work regardless. His constant five o'clock shadow was completely shaved off but knowing him, it would be back. Privately, this further cemented her resolve to split her aspects. It was getting harder not to see how old he was and knowing he was getting older while she more or less stayed the same. Physically speaking, Bucky was still young by human standards but mentally, emotionally, and most importantly, in his soul, he was older than he should've been. Phoenix wanted to be more and she could only do that if she were human.
A few hours later
The party was winding down. Music from the forties played through Spotify via Sarah's phone and a Bluetooth speaker. The dinner and cake had been eaten. Bucky hadn't wanted any gifts, just company on a day he hadn't had any means or will to celebrate in decades. The boys had gone to bed and Sam was crashed in his old room. Sarah turned in after letting Bucky and Phoenix know that there was a foldout couch in the basement they were welcome to. The two were sitting on the couch, listening to the music. His jacket was off and his tie was loose. The hat was sitting on an end table. A companionable silence was over them. Phoenix was leaning on Bucky's shoulder, eyes closed. The old soldier looked over at her. He set a hand under her chin, catching her attention, and turning her face towards him. Phoenix met his gaze with a curious look of her own but it softened.
"Happy birthday, James," she whispered. Bucky just grinned in response before bringing his face closer to press his lips to hers. It was a sweet kiss. Neither was particularly in the mood to go heavy. "Nix…be honest with me. Are you happy with me?" Bucky asked after the kiss broke. Phoenix smiled and leaned her head to his shoulder again. "Very. I know that you struggle with the idea that you somehow caused Seiryu and me to separate but the way he and I see it…it was probably bound to happen anyway. It's not for us to know. All that matters is that I'm happy with you. And just as a friendly reminder, Seiryu's role requires that the East comes first overall. He's had to make many sacrifices, even ones no one should have to make. But it is what it is. His role as High King is to rule the East with a fair claw. His role as a World Master is to keep the Empire in check," Phoenix responded.
"I'm not good enough for you, Nix. I even told your mother as much," Bucky said. Phoenix got to her feet and stood in front of him, smiling as she folded her hands behind her back. "And I'm sure she's told you that I don't feel good enough for the world. The two of us have our crosses to bear, Bucky. You've had to shoulder decades of wrongdoing and murder because you were HYDRA's glorified attack dog. I've had to live for a century and a half in a world that sees me as less than worthless. That will never change. I just want to spend the rest of our time with you for however long the Weaver has given us. I feel stronger when we're together," she said. Bucky looked at her helplessly, hopelessly in love with her.
Phoenix reached down to take his hands, pulling him to his feet. She set his flesh hand on her face and smiled, her love radiating from her. "Let's not end the day on a sad note, love. We have what it takes to keep moving forward. We can't do anything about our pasts but the future is ours for the taking. I know I don't look it but I'm starting to feel my age day by day. I get tired, sad, wondering how and why I keep going despite it all. I start thinking too far ahead…," she trailed off. Bucky embraced her, knowing where her unspoken words were going. The biggest obstacle between them was their age rates. Phoenix was created primarily from a species that experienced an opposite perception of time's flow compared to mundane animals. Animals like cats and dogs lived such short lives compared to humans that their owners never age a day in their eyes. Meanwhile, humans lived very short lives compared to the many long-lived species. Bucky knew that Phoenix was going remain roughly the same while he himself visibility aged. So when she said she was starting to think too far ahead, it was the fact that she was going to face a life after him. And it saddened and scared her.
Spotify decided at the moment to play Looking for Romance (I Bring You a Song) from Bambi of all things, which just made Bucky chuckle. He pulled Phoenix to him and they started to slow-dance to it. The shifter asked him what was funny so he explained the song was from a film that was released in 1942. He gave her the gist of the film and suggested they watch it sometime. Silence except for the song filled the space while the two danced. During a musical swell, Bucky swung her out and spun her back in. He kissed her unprompted when they came together and didn't let go when the song ended. Phoenix tried to pull back but Bucky just followed, keeping their lips locked. She just sighed into the kiss, her fingers closing on his shirt. When he finally broke it, Phoenix's violet eyes met his blue-greys. "What's wrong?" she asked. "I'm not really sure. I just had this feeling that something is going to happen," Bucky admitted.
Phoenix felt a small spike of fear, wondering if she had given her plan away somehow. But on the other hand, Bucky just admitted to a vague feeling. She took his face in her hands. "Everything is fine, Bucky. In fact, things are going to be more than fine," she said, mysteriously. Bucky just gave her a questioning look but he just shrugged before kissing her again. "Come on, Sergeant Barnes. It's getting late," she said with a smile. Bucky returned it before turning Sarah's phone and the speaker off. They headed down to the basement and Bucky set up the foldout couch. Phoenix's clothing shifted into her usual sleeping garb while Bucky finished pulling the uniform off and hanging it up. "I hope you sleep okay, Nix. Foldouts aren't the most comfortable," Bucky said as they settled into the bed. "This is nothing. I've slept in a lot of locations during my wanderings. I was made for that sort of living," she assured him.
Bucky had her turn onto her side so he could hold her. He pulled her close and laid a couple of kisses on her neck. "Don't ever change, Nix," he said before dropping off. Phoenix settled in his arms, thinking about what he said. She shifted to look at him over her shoulder before facing forward again. She felt her eyes flood a bit and closed her eyes. "I don't want to live without you. I don't…want to be a chimera anymore. I want to grow old with you," she thought. Bucky's arms tightened a bit in his sleep and she took a steady breath. He wouldn't understand.
If she didn't go through with the aspect separation, he was going to suffer down the line as he aged without her. She couldn't help but feel that he would end things if he ever got it into his head that he was wasting her life on him. By this point in time. Phoenix had already decided to amend her original promise to Seiryu (the end of her life being the end of their courtship) to say that she wanted the end of her and Bucky's to be the end of their own relationship. The major roadblock…was Time. A century and a half was still young by unicorn standards. Phoenix wouldn't be considered elderly until she was about 270 years old or so. Bucky would be long dead by then. Her resolve strengthened with that knowledge. A life without him, she could not accept. She wanted to be with him to the very end.