Bucky woke up early the next day. Phoenix had come home the day before, they talked, and she eventually fell asleep. The talk was a bit enlightening but the shifter hadn't given an answer about whether or not she wanted to proceed in the relationship. The White Wolf was willing to wait. The day before was emotionally charged but the worst of it was over now. He stretched out a bit but he threw a concerned look over at Phoenix when he heard her groan. She was curled up in a tight ball and her face was a mask of discomfort. "What's wrong, Nix?" he asked, turning onto his side and propping himself up. Violet eyes opened a bit and she shivered. "My joints are killing me. It's so cold…," she responded. Bucky's frown deepened further and he placed his flesh hand against her forehead. "Damn, you're burning up," he said, sitting up and scooting closer.
Phoenix sighed. "I suppose this was bound to happen. I haven't been well for a while," she muttered. Bucky wasn't sure what to do. Human medicine might not be the best idea since she wasn't human herself. There had to be something he could do. "This isn't good. What can I do to help?" he asked. "Best I can suggest is to make sure I get plenty of water. Beyond that, there's nothing you can do. I just have to weather this until it breaks," Phoenix responded. Her face grew sad and she looked up to meet his blue-grey eyes. "I'm sorry, Bucky. Seems all I am is a burden…," she said, a tear rolling down her face. "No, Nix. You're never a burden to me. Give me one minute. I'll get water," Bucky responded with conviction. He got out of bed and was out of the bedroom in seconds.
While she waited, Phoenix tried to sit up but her body was aching so badly, she couldn't manage it. At least her scar wasn't part of the problem. She could hear the sink running in the kitchen before silence fell, only broken when she heard footsteps coming back. Bucky walked in with a tumbler. He set it on the bedside table and helped Phoenix sit up. He held her forward while he propped the pillows up and helped her lean back. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he held the straw while she took a drink. She grimaced a bit and slowly sat back. Bucky set the water aside before setting a hand on her face. Phoenix met his eyes and he noted how sad she was. He gave her a kind smile before leaning his forehead against hers. "I don't deserve you, Bucky. I screwed up," she sighed. "Not going to mince words but you really did. However, don't sell me short. I made mistakes, too. What happened happened. Nothing we can do but move past it. No matter what the final outcome is, I will always have your back and help you," he said.
Bucky had Phoenix scoot over so he could stretch out on the bed and run a hand down her arm. "I know we have some compatibility issues, Nix. I never pretended otherwise. But the thing I value the most out of you is your companionship. Everything else we do is just icing on the cake. For me, it's enough. My hope is that you believe that and that my feelings have never changed. Right now, though, you're ill so I'm going to help you get better," he explained. Phoenix looked like she wanted to ask something but she seemed hesitant. Bucky grinned before holding up his left hand. The shifter slowly reached out to take it. He'd never understand why taking his vibranium hand, in particular, was a coping mechanism for her but be it far from him to complain. Phoenix had said that on some level, whenever she was in a crisis, there was this subconscious need to let Bucky know she wasn't afraid of his arm.
Bucky watched as she leaned her forehead to the back of his hand. He figured the cool metal felt good to her. She was running a fever after all. "I don't know who I am anymore…," she mumbled. The White Wolf smiled softly. An identity crisis on top of a low-key existential crisis was inevitable, considering what went down. "All I can tell you is what I know. You're Phoenix, the strongest, kindest chimera All World has ever seen, the most beautiful woman in my world, and the love of my life. We're both a little broken, a little tired, and a bit problematic but we mesh well in my mind," he responded. He was rewarded with a defeated look from the shifter.
Bucky leaned closer, keeping their eyes locked. "I know you don't trust anything right now, Nix, so I won't ask you to trust me completely. I just need you to trust me enough to help you through this sickness. Once you're better and the two of us are back into something of a routine, then we can talk about what happened. Just relax and let me take care of you," he said. Phoenix slowly nodded and stretched out. Bucky watched as she let his hand go and turned her back. He took in the state of her back. The scar wasn't pleasant to look at but in Bucky's opinion, nothing compared to the sight of a chimeric body jutting out of her back. In spite of that, Phoenix's body remained utterly flawless to him.
Phoenix felt Bucky pull her hair from her shoulder. She wasn't so ill that she didn't sense a shift in the air. She just closed her eyes against the tears that threatened to spill out when she felt his lips kiss her neck several times before he gently bit down. The ache in her bones spiked painfully but Phoenix didn't make a sound or indicate that she was in pain. She felt his hand grip her hip before it slid under her navel and pulled her back into his body. She bit her lower lip as Bucky gently sucked on her neck a bit before he let go. "I missed you…," he said in a quiet voice. "I missed you, too," she responded, a slight crack in her voice. She went quiet as she broke down for the second time in as many days. Phoenix was tired, ill, and beaten down. She was drifting without direction. She kept swinging between wanting Bucky there and wanting him gone and feeling scared of both.
Bucky folded himself around her, holding her tightly. It didn't bother him that Phoenix's illness and her elevated stress level made her a bit sticky with sweat. She started coughing hard and he moved to sit her up. Once she settled down a bit, Bucky got off the bed and went to the bathroom. He got the washcloth damp under the facet and came out. Kneeling back on the bed, Bucky leaned over to place it on her temple. A small hand came up to rest on the one holding it in place. He just let her cry out without saying anything. Eventually, Phoenix ran out of tears and she quieted down. She held her head and Bucky could tell she had a massive headache now. He helped her sit up again and pulled a few tissues. Without any prompting, Phoenix blew her nose out and groaned as her headache took its own toll.
Bucky went to the bathroom and opened up a drawer. Inside was a syringe with a sedative inside. It was a holdover from his post-Winter Soldier days after he went into hiding, breaking into an old HYDRA safe house to retrieve things he would need. The sedative was something he had kept in case the nightmares got to be too much. While Phoenix wasn't human, she was in a womanly shape now and it was likely the human dose he had ready would be enough to calm her mind enough to sleep. He came out and sat on the bed, getting Phoenix's attention when she felt the mattress dip. Bucky held the shot up for her to see. "This is a sedative, Nix. Long story short, why I have this was that I took some things from a HYDRA safehouse not long before I went into hiding. I took this to help me sleep at night but I never ended up using it. Between what happened and your current illness, you're in bad shape. You need to get some sleep and this can help. Granted, I don't know how effective this is going to be due to your true form and your magic but I want to give this a try. Do I have your permission?" he asked.
Phoenix weighed the pros and cons of his proposal. Bucky had a point about its effectiveness on her but decided she was too sick and in too much pain mentally, spiritually, and emotionally to care. She just nodded in consent and Bucky leaned down a little bit before pausing. In spite of herself, Phoenix met his eyes confused. "I forgive you, Nix. I hope that in time, you'll forgive yourself," he said. The shifter let his words sink in while he injected the sedative. Bucky placed the used syringe off to the side momentarily before he smiled softly at her. Phoenix could feel the effects starting to take hold but she kept her violet eyes resolutely on his blue-greys. Her expression was still one of sadness but eventually, her eyes drifted shut and she fell asleep. Bucky finally let himself break. His emotions were all over the place. Sad that things got so extreme, worried that Phoenix was so unwell, angry that John Walker had done this in the first place, the joy that she had come back instead of just ditching him to go home…it was a lot to manage and work through.
Several hours later
Bucky stirred when he heard his phone vibrating. Slowly sitting up, he picked it up and answered. "Hello?" he asked, rubbing his eyes. "Hello, Mr. Barnes. This is the vet clinic. The stray kitten you brought in has made some good progress. Her illness wasn't as bad as initially thought and she's on the mend enough we feel we can release her to you. Would you like to come down and get her and what time would work for you?" the tech spoke. Bucky had almost forgotten about the kitten. "I can be down right now. Give me twenty minutes," he responded. "We look forward to your visit. See you soon," came the reply before they hung up. Bucky looked from his phone to the woman in his bed. Phoenix was still out like a light and would likely sleep until later in the evening. Getting up, Bucky wrote a note and left it on the bedside table telling her he went out for a bit and would be back soon.
Twenty minutes later, Bucky walked through the clinic's front door. "James Barnes, here to pick up a kitten," he said to the clerk, a different lady than last time. "One moment," she responded, looking him up in the system. "Here you are. It says here that you're hoping to adopt her. Is this still accurate?" she asked. Bucky responded in the positive and was given a clipboard with some papers to fill out. Mainly his information, acknowledgment of the costs accrued by the clinic, and a line for the name he was going to give the kitten. Bucky waffled on it for a bit. With everything that was going on, he hadn't thought about a name. He went with the first one that came to mind and handed the clipboard back. "Alpine? That's a cute name," the clerk said before looking over the paperwork.
"Okay. Everything seems to be in order. Go ahead and pay. Then we'll go and get her," she then said. Bucky was feeling grateful that once he was legally cleared of wrongdoing via coercion, he was entitled to about eight decades' worth of backpay from the army. The money was sitting in an account that was set up for him. Bucky didn't use much beyond the bare minimum to keep his fridge full, the lights on, and the rent paid. The vet bills weren't much for him. After he paid up, Bucky took a seat to wait for them to bring the kitten out. It only took fifteen minutes and the vet tech from before came out holding her. Bucky smiled at how much better she looked. He went to the counter and Alpine was handed to him. The kitten immediately started purring loudly and rubbing her head on his face. "She really likes you," the tech said.
Bucky just smiled and ran his flesh hand along her back. "I just want to confirm something. She's deaf, isn't she?" he asked. The tech and clerk looked a little surprised. "She is. We did a hearing test and the results indicate she's bilaterally deaf. Her quality of life will still be good," the tech confirmed. "That's fine. I just wanted to be sure. I know something about being disabled myself," he said. The clerk went on lunch and the tech got some basics and a soft carrier for Alpine to go in. "Um…," she then said as Bucky was getting ready to walk out. He turned to look at her. "I was wondering if you wanted to get lunch sometime," she said. Bucky just gave her a lopsided grin. "Sorry. I have a girlfriend already," he responded. The tech went a bit red and fumbled through an apology. "It's fine. Thanks for your help," he said before leaving.
An hour later, Bucky walked into the apartment. Alpine's carrier was on one arm while the other had some other basic merchandise to help her settle in. He set both down and unzipped the carrier. He started getting things set up while letting Alpine take the lead on coming out on her own. He was setting the water fountain up when he felt tiny claws in his back and felt Alpine climbing up onto it. He just laughed and slowly stood up when she reached his shoulder. He walked to the bedroom to check on Phoenix. She was still asleep but at least she looked peaceful. Once he was close enough, the white kitten jumped down onto the bed. She seemed curious and Bucky had to remind himself that animals knew Phoenix for what she was, even if they didn't know what she was exactly.
He figured Alpine knew she wasn't looking at another human. Either way, Alpine decided she wanted to curl up against Phoenix's neck with her head against her jawline. Bucky felt his heart bursting from the adorable scene and wished he could take a picture. However, it had been a long-standing agreement that Phoenix didn't want any pictures of her floating around if she could help it. He had a good memory, though, so he committed the scene to it. He left the room to set up the new litter box and do some more shopping.
Later that evening
It was around seven when Phoenix finally started to wake up. She kept her eyes closed and frowned a bit. She felt a slight weight on her chest and as she gained more awareness, she could feel something soft on her skin, too, like fur. She was still shirtless from the day before and the soft lump was resting up near her heart. Opening her eyes slowly, Phoenix was met with a fuzzy white something in her eye line. It shifted and she spotted a pair of pointed ears and then she heard the purring. Phoenix realized there was a kitten lying on her. Her face broke out into a huge smile and she slowly raised a hand to touch it. The kitten yawned and stretched out, still sleeping. Phoenix settled and stroked it. She recalled hearing something about how purring had some ability to stimulate healing.
She heard footsteps coming to the room and looked up when Bucky entered. His face broke out into a smile when he saw her awake. "Hey, Nix. How are you feeling?" he asked, coming to the bedside. "A little better. Who is this?" she inquired, running a hand over the kitten on her chest. "This is Alpine. I found her the day I went after Walker. She was at the vet getting some care and I brought her home earlier today," Bucky explained. He sat down on the edge of the bed and leaned over to kiss Phoenix's forehead. She sighed a bit before looking up at him. The White Wolf just smiled gently. "Do you want to talk? Or wait a bit longer?" he asked. "I don't want to put it off, to be honest," she responded in a quiet tone.
Bucky went around to his side of the bed and laid out on his side, his fingers stroking the lump of fur that was Alpine. "You know me, Nix. I want you with me still. Hell, when I picked up Alpine from the vet, the tech actually asked me out," he said as an opener. Phoenix looked at him stunned. He met her gaze with a relaxed look of his own. "I said I had someone already," he said simply. "But Bucky…you could have a normal life…," she said, weakly. The White Wolf just shook his head. "My life will never be normal again, Nix. You know that as well as I do. But let's talk about you. What do you want, Nix?" he asked. Phoenix studied him as he waited patiently and quietly. After a moment or two, her hand moved to cup his face. "I…want to stay…," she choked out as a couple of tears slid down her face. "Then that settles it. I want you to stay, you want to stay. All that's left is to keep working through what happened," Bucky said.
Phoenix listened as Bucky explained that if she ever felt like she was failing him somehow, she could always bring her concerns to him so they could talk about them. Both agreed it was equal parts John Walker's interference and a communications breakdown that led them to where they were now. There were a couple of moments where Phoenix had to choke back tears but Bucky was there to hold her hand. All through it all, Alpine slept like a rock and her purring was nonstop. Once she was calm again, the White Wolf took her left hand. He held it up so they could see the ring. "Remember what this means, Nix. This is the symbol of our pair-bond. When I asked you to take that step with me, I meant it. I love you just the way you are. You are enough. Understand?" Bucky asked. Phoenix just nodded before leaning her head to his shoulder. He rested his head on hers.
"Can you give me some time? Like, can we take things slow?" she then asked. "That's fine. I don't want to scare you. You've been through enough," Bucky responded, before kissing her head. Phoenix looked down at the kitten still snoozing away. "So what's the story with this little one?" she then asked, changing the subject. Bucky explained the series of events that led him to find Alpine alone and sick in Central Park. Phoenix felt her heart warm at the thought that Bucky defended them both against Walker and then opened his heart to an abandoned kitten. Bucky then explained that Alpine tested fully deaf before looking at Phoenix worriedly. She just smiled gently. Of course, abandoning "unfit" young wasn't just true for humans. It was a fact of life in the Wilds. Young that wasn't completely fit or healthy were often left to die because their difficulties made them easy targets.
Bucky was worried that Phoenix was thinking in the mindset of the latter. At the end of the day, she was an animal. "Relax. As if this kitten's deafness makes her any less worthy of life. My mother has taught me a lot to make up for all those years lost. In her culture, the infirm are cared for by the herd. Tempest's adoptive mother was blind. Thinking about it, the fact unicorns aren't migratory animals who generally stick to their forests makes it easier for them to protect the members with difficulties. Then there's the fact I had to survive on my own as a foal," she assured him. Bucky looked a bit relieved before looking at the clock. He realized that they had been talking for several hours. "I think it's time for bed," he said. He got up and went around the bed. "Mind if I take Alpine?" he asked. Phoenix just nodded and he took the kitten from her chest. He placed her in a cat bed he had on the top of his dresser. She only woke up long enough to turn several times before curling up and going back to sleep.
Bucky then turned to Phoenix who was shifting under the blanket. "Can I sleep with you? If not, that's fine. I can take the couch," he said. The shifter stretched a hand out to him. "I don't want to be alone. I'm afraid you won't come back," she said in a small voice. The White Wolf gave a wan smile before stripping and getting into some sweatpants. He climbed into bed and read the room as it stood. Phoenix wanted him close but overall, it was clear she still needed some space. Bucky wanted to hold her close but he understood she still wasn't in a good place mentally. She just needed assurance he was going to be there while also showing she didn't quite trust him. That was fine. Things had to go at their own pace and eventually, a new normal would settle in. "If you wake up and find me cuddling, just know it was done in my sleep," he said. In spite of it all, Phoenix chuckled along with him. "I won't mind," she said in a quiet voice.
They lay facing each other for a few minutes as it sank in this was real. Bucky reached out a hand, wordlessly asking if she would take it. Phoenix slowly responded, taking his hand before closing her eyes. Bucky pulled her hand to him and kissed it. He watched her fall asleep and sighed. He shifted closer long enough to plant a kiss on her forehead before settling back into his spot. He closed his blue-greys after a while. Part of him was afraid this was all a dream and that he would wake up alone with Phoenix still down south in Louisiana. Her hand in his however was all the assurance he needed that she was there with him.