A/N: PLEASE READ THIS NOTE.

More flames and trolls, seriously? Why is everyone telling me to die? I know its more than one person, no one individual could be this persistent... T_T

EDIT: Hardly any reviews, eh?

Sad to say it, but if folks don't review, I'm not able to write. It kills me. Its not an excuse, its the truth. After all, I write these stories for free, and reviews are my fuel. Silence...silence just hurts. Warning, this chapter gets a bit steamy, after all, its told from Naruto AND Raven's perspective.

Chapters will be shorter, but updated more frequently if folks like 'em. Berserker is becoming a pain to write, so here you go.

Judging by the reviews and the laughter the last chapter of Embers of Hope received, turns out I write pretty good when I've got a few drinks in me. Makes my humor a bit saucier, but that's just fine with me. Lets try that experiment again, shall we? Bottoms up~!

If you thought last chapter was good...

...ohohohoho you are not prepared. This one's outright insane.

DISCLAIMER: Yes, yes, I'm aware that Coeur Al'Aran did something similar, and frankly, far better than I ever could. Service with a Smile blows anything I ever did right out of the water, including this. His stories are a bloody addiction of mine, and one I've only recently discovered. Currently reading Not This Time, Fate.

Before anyone asks, nope! Nora stays with Ren this story. Not messing with that.

Last time for good measure, reviews keep me writing. If folks don't review, I tend to think folks dislike a story. I hate to say it, but that's the truth, just a simple statement. Any and all feedback really helps me out. As ever, I own no references or material. Nor do I get paid to do this. Not a bit. Nothing. Not a cent. Not a penny. No commissions at all. Zilch.

Oh! Which remiiiiiiiinds me...Naruto's king of the castle!

Sorry not sorry had to say it! Couldn't help myself.

Title is an obvious pun to, at that. =D

Looking forward to your reviews~!

"Right. Okay. I can do this. I'm not afraid. Raven Branwen fears nothing!"

"Mom?"

...

...

...nopenopenope!"

~Raven.

Pound-Cake

There was just something about Naruto and the number nine.

Perhaps it had something to do with Kurama, though he'd not spoken to his friend in ages. Perhaps it was simply good luck? Or bad luck. Who could say? Even across worlds and time, the number almost seemed to haunt him, dogging his every step. He oftentimes found himself falling back on it without thinking. Nine cups of coffee -even an Immortal needed a good pick me up- in the morning. A nine mile run before he opened up shop for the day. Nine clones to tend to daily tasks. Nine dead Grimm, just to keep his skills sharp. Nine days in business. Nine flyers sent out to hire potential employees.

In time he'd begun to see something of a pattern; for it was on the ninth day that Raven returned.

By then Baker's Dozen had made something of a tidy profit -even after repairs- so much so, that Naruto had expanded his initial business venture and begun serving drinks alongside sweets. Drinks with alcohol in them. A bakery with booze. Just the thought of it made him smile. If that didn't make him a walking contradiction, he didn't know what would. With the power of chakra, a host of other abilities, and an unlimited army of clones at his beck and call...well. Anything was possible when you put your mind to it. Ah, but he digressed.

Thankfully his old flame didn't demolish the door when a portal when she stormed the castle this time. She'd better not! He was King of this Castle. Besides, he'd only just fixed the door.

Of course, that was not to say Raven's return was a quite one, either.

Far from it; when the door crashed open with a cataclysmic crunch, he knew precisely who to expect.

Afternoon sunlight spilled through the cracks, but no one batted an eyelash. Naruto had to fight down a smile at the sight of it. His clientele had long since grown accustomed to such a racket hunters were involved. Raven was no exception, ex-huntress or not. This time, ehr attempt to scare everyone out only earned her a few dark looks and the odd middle finger, nothing more.

Raven absolutely twitched. "Seriously? Nothing?"

Gods she was adorable when she pouted. Naruto wished he could see that expression more often. Something told him he'd be seeing a lot more soon. Because that was one of his flyers clutched in her right hand; he knew the worn brand of paper and recognized the sigil of crossed golden foxes over a plate. She caught him looking and her pale face turned seven stunning shades of scarlet. Naruto didn't taunt her...not yet. She might bolt if he did. Instead he waited for her to commit before he made his move.

Sure enough, she stalked forward and slapped said flyer down on the counter with enough force to crack the wood.

"When do I start?"

"Start what?" Naruto smiled like a shark, savoring the moment. "I'm afraid you lost me somewhere in translation there, old friend."

Raven leaned back, refusing to give him the satisfaction he sought. She wanted to slap him. She almost did. They'd been partners once; she knew exactly what kind of game her old friend was playing and would have none of it. Blast him. He'd always been a snarky little bastard in the past, but now he'd upped his game. She told herself she hadn't come back for him and almost believed the lie. Almost. She'd told herself if was safer here with him than the tribe...at least for a little while. She'd seen the way he fought in the beginning, and he'd only gotten stronger since. She could see in the way he carried himself, even as he pulled a fresh tray of cookies from the oven; there was surety of purpose there that belied his power.

Naruto could've torn down Beacon around Ozpin's head if he wanted to. Thankfully, he didn't.

Salem would be in for a nasty surprise if she sent one of her agents to Vale, assuming she ever learned the true identity of the Spring Maiden. Vernal would be cross with her, but Vernal didn't need to understand. She was here for a reason. It had nothing to do with Naruto's sunny smile. He didn't make her feel warm. Wanted. Loved. She certainly didn't want him to bend her over the counter and-

"Ahem."

Naruto coughed and for the first time in nearly a decade, Raven actually felt heat rise in her cheeks as his words tugged her thoughts from a pleasant place. Oh gods, it was like being a teenager all over again. She wasn't some blushing maiden! Actually, she was. A maiden of course. Never a blushing one. She refused to admit it. Blushing was weak. And she would not be cowed.

"I am here," she forced the words out through gritted teeth, "To take you up on your offer."

"I don't recall making an offer."

She slapped the flyer in his face. "The job, you oaf!"

"Really?" Naruto tilted his head nearly horizontal to peek over the paper. "Got any experience?"

"Some, yes." she relished his brief frown. Summer had gang-pressed her into working at a diner once to pay off a debt. Once. Never again. How someone so small could be so ruthless was beyond her, but that was a hell she wasn't keen to revisit. Too many customers thought they could have their way with a girl in a skirt. She'd cut off their hands and never looked back. Surely working in a bakery would be a step up from that. How hard could it be? It wasn't as if he had any other takers. She was the only one who'd shown interest, therefore, he had to hire her. He couldn't keep using those clones of his forever. It freaked people out.

"Hello~!"

So when a girl with a grenade launcher of all things strapped to her back chose to peruse his establishment, Raven didn't think much of her. Or her outfit. Too much pink and white. And the hair, ugh. Not that she looked hideous or anything mind you, it was just the colors that riled Raven so. Far too bright for her liking, and so she resolved to ignore her.

"Hey, mister!" Until said girl elbowed her out of the way. "You make pancakes here?"

Raven paused, reassessing this cheeky little teenager with a wary eye. She'd felt that elbow. Perhaps there was some strength to the girl at all. Not that it mattered.

As if sensing that thought, Naruto smirked. "We do indeed, missy. Interested?"

Her grin turned feral. "When can I start?!"

Bah! The cheek of this girl. As if he'd simply hire her out of the blue...

"You must be Nora Valkyrie." Naruto flicked her a quick smile. "Sure, we're hiring part-timers. Got any experience?"

Nora's smile proved sunny...and somewhat concerning. "Nope! Renny said I should learn some life-skills, though. Cooking counts, right?"

...why did Raven have the feeling this decision was going to end horribly for her? Naruto was no fool. Surely he wouldn't hire this slip of a girl just like that. He wasn't like Tai. He was no trusting fool. He would doubtlessly tell this "Nora" just what he thought of her inexperience and show her the door.

"You can start tomorrow, if you like." Naruto said. "We open at seven. You'll be waiting tables, at first. That alright?"

Bwuh?

"Sweet!" Nora chirruped happily and skipped back the way she'd come. "See you then, boss!"

Raven whipped back around and sputtered incredibly. "I...you...why?!"

"Pardon?"

Quick as a flash she reached over the counter and grabbed him by the collar. "She doesn't have any experience! She said so herself!"

"And you do?" he blinked faux-innocently.

"Yes!" she released him with a hiss, heedless of the chuckle it earned. "I just told you!"

"Then you're hired." Naruto didn't bat an eyelash, but his shit-eating grin made her want to shriek. His hand dipped behind the counter and flung a bundle of gold red dark blue at her. "Here's your uniform." he chuckled as she caught it. "Shift starts in five minutes. Hope you know how to clean dishes, because that's what you'll be doing tonight."

"You told that girl to come back tomorrow!" Raven howled, jabbing him with a finger. "And waiting tables!"

"Yes." His grin threatened to split his face. "Yes, I did. Now, shoo. Into the back with you."

She reared to her feet and kissed him, drawing a few whistles. "Rotten bastard."

"Would you have it any other way?"

She bit him.

"I'm only joking, of course." Naruto hummed and leaned into her, laughing when they parted. "Seriously, you? Washing dishes? Do I look like I have a death wish?"

"I was beginning to think you did." Raven clicked her tongue as she gave him another shove. Damnit. She had missed him. Insufferable snark and all. On a whim, she grabbed him by the sleeve, fingers fisting against the rumpled blue fabric. "You really know how to make a girl feel welcome."

He beamed and pressed his forehead against her forehead. "Missed you too."

This time when his mouth claimed hers it was softer; not tentative -Naruto could never be that- but almost gentle by comparison. Something in her melted and she pulled him closer. Idiot. She'd fallen in love with an idiot like this-no. She was still in love with this idiot.

"Bah, get a room, you two!" one of the customers crowed in a bawdy shout. "There are decent folk about!"

Raven nearly skewered him on the spot and it was only Naruto's hand on her arm that stopped her from doing something foolish. Oh gods, she'd thought it was Qrow for a minute. Almost sounded like him, to. She'd never live it down if it was. And hadn't she thought of that when she returned to Vale? No. She hadn't. She hadn't come back for her brother. But Ozpin was in Vale. Yang was here. Tai was here. Gah. There was a can of worms she had no desire to open ever again. One fight. One argument. One slip shattered things between her and her old paramour. Who was to say she and Naruto wouldn't squabble and go their separate ways again? They'd only reunited now years after the fact. Who was to say they wouldn't separate once more?

Aaaaaaand here came the panic.

He must've sensed her fear; because he drew her aside. "In the back. We can talk there."

"Good. Your clones can keep them busy." Raven flounced off, tugging him away with her. "Have them make a pound cake or something."

"Why, is that a command-alright, alright, alright!" he laughed as her open palm cracked against the back of his head. "Ha! That tickled! You heard her, boys!"

Raven hissed softly at her smarting fingers as she pulled him into what served as a break room, all the while keenly aware of the pain in her hand. Even now she could feel the bones creak ominously. Tickled? She'd nearly broken her hand on his skull just now. Well, it confirmed her suspicions. He'd gotten stronger. When they were younger, she'd at least been able to injure him a little. Now? He hadn't batted an eyelash. Damnit, he didn't even have Aura and she had all the power of a fully realized Spring Maiden in her body now. Would she ever bridge the gap?

"Well, welcome home."

Naruto followed her into the back as she anticipated, but rather than approach when she let go of is hand, he seemed content to wait.

Raven flicked a glance for her surroundings; she wasn't impressed.

In hindsight it couldn't really be called a break room, the space was little more than a large alcove meant for storage with a table and a chair stuffed shoved into a corner. A fan creaked lazily overhead, providing a faint breeze that did jack all against the heat of the ovens. She'd have to do something about that. Naruto was many things, but an artist wasn't one of them. He likely didn't feel the heat, but Raven did, and it worsened her mood. Her mind whirred. Maybe knock down a few falls, expand the space, get some proper ventilation back here...that would be better.

And he was still staring at her, trying to figure out what to say.

"Turn around, you perv." she swiped at him lazily.

Naruto did as she bid but made it clear he wouldn't be leaving. Instead he settled against door frame and crossed his arms. So that's how it was. He wanted to listen to her squirm at the very least. Bah! Challenge it was, then! Raven shed her clothes quickly but kept her undergarments, relishing the way he stiffened as the fabric rustled and fell to the floor. He might not be able to see her, but he could certainly hear her. She'd drag every reaction out of him. Served the bastard right. She almost considered approaching him, but thought better of it. She was still cross with him for his earlier antics.

So she considered the uniform instead.

It was...surprisingly tasteful, all things considered. She'd expected a maid's uniform or worse -Naruto could be a vicious prankster when pressed- but the uniform looked like a simple civilian dress wrapped in a white apron slightly faded by time. Where did he get this? A thrift shop? Oh, its colors matched those he wore to be sure, shades of dark navy blue embossed with hints of cold alongside long sleeves, but it was still nowhere near the horrors she'd been dreading. There was even a slit near the thigh to allow her free range of movement, and the skirt ended well above her ankles, eliminating any possibility of tripping.

Raven still didn't like it. "Do I have to wear this?"

"Yup." he chirped. "Why? Something wrong?"

She growled. "Naruto, this is a dress."

He sniffed. "Its a uniform."

Oh, no. They were not doing this again. Even if she couldn't see his face, she could hear the impish smile in his voice; see his shoulders shaking in barely repressed mirth. A wise woman would've ceded the fight and taken the opportunity to strike later. Not Raven Branwen. She was too stubborn to concede a fight, to ignore a slight, no matter how small it might be. Least of all when it came from an old flame.

"Dress."

"Uniform.

"Dress." she spat.

His smile didn't waver. "Uniform."

"Aaargh!"

In the end, the mighty Raven Branwen was forced to concede the battle and yanked the uniform -DRESS!- over her head. This wasn't over. He would rue this day. Rue! No one messed with her. Not even him. She'd find a way to get him back for this if it was the last thing she did.

"Its going to be alright, you know."

"Is it, now?" Raven scoffed the sudden statement as she pulled on the uniform, sweeping it over her head. "I don't think it will be. I don't know why I came back."

"Yes, you do." he didn't look at her, but she saw his shoulders slump in relief. "And for the record, I'm glad you did."

Her face burned as she pulled her hair free from the neck hole. "Shut up."

Huh, she was surprised. Blasted thing actually fit. Not too snug, but not too loose, either. Didn't even feel like a uniform. Just...clothes. She pulled the apron on, scoffing slightly at the pair of golden foxes carefully stitched into the fabric. It was odd, seeing them. Naruto never gave a fig about stitching or sowing before, yet this was done with the work of a master. More than that. Something in the fabric sang to her, leaving her skin cool in spite of the head and long fabric. It didn't take Raven long to make the connection.

"Did you weave chakra into this?"

"Got it in one." he slapped his hands. "Its no armor, but it'll hold up in a fight."

"Aw," sarcasm dripped from her voice. "Didn't know you cared that much about little 'ol me."

A beat of companionable silence passed between them, neither willing to break it. Raven shuffled awkwardly. Naruto blew out a sigh.

"I don't work with Ozpin anymore, if that's still bothering you." he'd likely said that to break said the silence, but it relieved her all the same. "We don't see eye to eye. My fighting days are done."

Liar. They clearly weren't; not if he could take a slap from a Maiden and laugh it off. He'd either kept up his training or at the very least, left his skills sharp. Even if he was done with Ozpin -and she believed he was- there was still the possibility of him becoming an enemy somewhere, or so her paranoia said. She wasn't sure which was worse; the idea of fighting Naruto...or loving him again. This was her fault. Perhaps she should've stayed away. Should she? It wasn't too late to create one of her portal and leap through her it. But her heart twitched traitorously at the thought, keening like a forgotten child at the idea of leaving again.

"And yet you've gotten stronger." so she took the bullhead by the wings instead. "Don't think I haven't noticed."

A blue eye peeked over his shoulder and she caught the hint of a grin. "Didn't say I got soft."

She accepted the challenge for what it was. "You can turn around now."

Naruto did so. Whistled. "Huh. Ya' look good."

Remarkably, he didn't snark any further than that. Oh he looked he wanted to, but the sight of her seemed to steal his breath away. Raven preened. Of course she looked good. Her figure was a source of pride as much as it was her strength. Becoming the Spring Maiden had only further enhanced that beauty. Humming, she presented her back to him. She supposed that sealed her. There were precisely three people she would willingly turn her back on in this world and still feel safe around. One of them was dead. The other was her brother. Naruto was the third.

"Fix my hair." it was not a request.

Warm breath seared the back of her neck. "What we talking about? A braid?"

She shook her head and he did the opposite, carefully binding it back into a rough ponytail with a scrunchy she provided.

"What happened to Vernal?"

"Left her with the tribe." Raven hummed as his fingers worked her scalp. "And watch those hands, mister.

A truth, albeit a half one. So long as her apprentice remained in Mistral, she had an instant portal out of this hellhole. If something happened, if her enemies came for her...she needed an escape route. So long as the girl didn't get it into her fool head to follow her, all would be well.

"Where will you be staying?"

"With you, of course." A blood-red eye regarded him over her shoulder as he worked. "You wanted me here, I'm here." she turned to face him as he released her ebony tress and planted a hand on her hip, shifting forward ever so slightly. "I hope you're happy with yourself; you'll not be getting rid of me that easily."

Naruto quirked a brow. "I still snore, you know."

"And I hog the covers, if you recall." she shot right back, unable to keep the smile from her face as she stepped to him. "That a problem?" Damn him. Damn him for making her feel young again. This wasn't going to last. Happiness never did. It was only temporary. She'd do something to piss him off, or he'd set her off with one of his pranks. They'd grow tired of one another. This couldn't last. Because if it did, it made her the fool. And that? That made her feel like shit. She'd been the one to run when things got tough. He hadn't. Why was he being so bloody patient with her? Why was he trying?

He considered her words for a moment and shrugged. "Nope."

Raven's eyes blazed with scarlet flames as she dragged his mouth down to hers.

Naruto inhaled sharply; if there was one thing she took pleasure in, it was her ability to get a reaction out of him. She always did.

And this?

She delighted in pushing him away from her, hearing him growl in frustration. He reached for her hips but she ducked away, leaving his hands clutching at empty air. He could have pursued her. Chased her down, tackled her, nailed her to the floor and made sweet, sweet love to her. Gods knew she wouldn't be able to escape from him if he took it into his head to actually exert himself. That he didn't do so now suggested a level of control that hadn't been there before.

Naruto sighed. "Wow, Rae. Even I'm not that cruel."

"You'll get more later...if you're good."

"Cruel, cruel woman...

You couldn't force Raven Branwen to do something. Anything for that matter. If you did, she would just rebel. You could nudge her, suggest things, but any choice she made had to be done of her own volition. Oh, she was rude and flighty and damn did she look good in that dress, but he believed in her all the same.

Was this petty of him? Perhaps it was.

Raven had a strong personality; for all her cowardice, she could be incredibly stubborn when she wanted to be. So could he. It was part of the reason they'd gotten together all those years ago, and one of the reasons he was still so keen on her now. Opposites attract, or so the saying went. Bollocks. So what if she'd been unfaithful? So what if she told half-truths? It didn't change who she was at her core. When he looked at her, he still saw the woman he'd fallen in love with all those years ago. That hadn't changed. Of course he still wanted to bend her over and-

"Hello?" an unfamiliar voice called, causing them both to jump. "Is the manager in?"

They parted with more of a growl than an actual sigh. "Guess that's our cue."

Raven followed him back out front...and absolutely froze.

It was then that things went pear-shaped.

(.0.0.0.)

"C'mon, c'mon! You gotta see this place!"

Yang allowed herself to dragged down the sidewalk as only a big sister could. Which is to say she bore Ruby's singular enthusiasm with a chagrined grin. The rest of their team? Slightly less so. Say what you would about Ruby's love of cookies, but when her little sis' was determined? She was determined. So much so as to drag her new team out her the first chance she got.

"Alright, alright! Slow down!" she laughed. "What's got you in such a twist, Rubes? Its only cookies!"

"Yang! Cookies are love!" her sibling rounded on her with a gasp. "Cookies are life!"

"Cookies will rot your teeth." Weis warned, tapping her forehead.

Blake laughed softly. Ruby gasped.

"Weiss! That's heresy!"

"Riiiiiiiight, forgot who I was talking to for a second there." Yang rolled her lilac eyes.

All told, Baker's Dozen didn't look that impressive. Just a humble little bakery. Nothing special, at least from the outside. Ruby insisted they made the best cookies, and she'd been dying to drag them here for nearly a week now. Weiss was...well, less than keen on the idea, but she'd eventually rolled over, as she always did. Blake? Blake barely spoke a word. Kitty-kat had claws, but she hadn't shown them since initiation. She'd have to do something about that. She had her ways.

"Hello?" Ruby called, placing one had to the side of her mouth as they swept inside. "Is the manager in? We've come for cookies~!"

"Don't have to say it like that, Rubes."

Silver eyes rounded on her. "Cookies are no laughing matter, Yang!"

"Hey!" an unfamiliar laugh answered her sister, and Ruby was off like a shot. "If ain't little red riding hood!"

The next thing that struck Yang as odd were the clones.

At least, she assumed they were clones, because there was no way in hell nine identical men in matching outfits could be related. One of them walked right up to them and greeted Ruby with a plateful of cookies, pausing to ruffle her hair as the girl happily accepted her treat. Wait, what was this, a Semblance of some sort -how wrong she was!- or something? Shouldn't be. Those suckers were solid. Seriously. Hello~! There was just no way they could be clones, even Blake's vanished with a good whack and they couldn't do anything like this.

She didn't see her partner perk up behind her, bow twitching just so.

"Are you real?" it was the most she'd said all day and Yang took immediate notice.

"Oh, we're real." the one with the platter flicked her forehead, drawing a glower from the girl. "Each one of us. I take it you have a similar Semblance?"

Suddenly those Amber eyes seemed just a little bit sharper than Yang remembered. Huh. He'd managed to catch her interest. She wasn't sure if that was a good thing, but an indignant snort captured her attention before she could think to rescue her. Ruby was happily savoring her cookies -without paying for them!- and Blake was even now engaging one of the blond's in a vigorous discussion. Which meant...

"This is where you wanted to take us?" Weiss turned up her nose. "This place is a dump!"

"Oh, look." another of the clones sidled up to her. "A Schnee. You wouldn't happen to be related to someone named Winter, would you?"

Weiss blinked, the hot air rushing right out of her sails. "That's my sister, yes. How do you know her...?"

Yang watched the dopelganger's face narrow in mild annoyance. "I'd rather not say."

"If it ain't obvious, the boss is busy." One of the other milling copies jerked a thumb to the back for her. "But he'll be out any second now. And you are...?"

"Yang." she snapped off a snarky salute and shook the man's hand when he offered it. "Whoa! Quite a grip you've got there!"

Startled blue eyes blinked back at her, then narrowed thrice as fast. "Wait. Did you just say Yang...?"

"Um...yeah?"

The clone's expression turned strained. "Of course you did. Well, the boss isn't gonna like this...

"Don't ignore me!" Weiss stomped her foot behind them. "Hey! Listen! I'm talking to you!"

"Oh dear, I thought I just felt a breeze~!"

The heiress turned incandescent.

"Why you...?!"

Yang expected many things to follow, chaos at the very least. Ruby hadn't been wrong; this place was interesting, if a bit homely. Even with four of the clones having peeled off to engage each of them, five more were still busying themselves with other customers. Almost made her jealous. She liked her Semblance and all, but this one was the epitome of multitasking. Unless they were all brothers or something. Which would be weird. Cool, but still weird. As such, she wasn't paying much attention when a bell chimed from the back, heralding a new arrival.

The last thing she expected to see was her Mother. Least of all in an apron!

In a bakery!

"MOM?!"

Raven was entirely of the same mind; because she couldn't do this. Nope. She hadn't signed up for this. She wanted to bolt, but Naruto's iron grip on her shoulder prevented her escape. He made a point not to look at her despite the angry whine she gave. Bastard. That utter bastard. Had he planned this? No, he looked just as startled to see Yang as she was. Heh. At least she could take some small spiteful satisfaction in his stupefied gaze right now. She hadn't been lying; she was certain Yang was his daughter. Not matter what Tai might think.

And said daughter was currently gaping at her like a fish.

"Ruby, what the hell?!"

"I'm sorry!' her sister wailed. "She wasn't here last time! I didn't see her!"

"Shit-I mean, welcome!" To his credit, Naruto -whom she assumed to be the original- recovered quickly, humming heedless of Yang's stricken expression. "Well, I see you've made yourself at home. Anybody want cake? You can eat it, too."

Yang twitched at the obvious pun but didn't rise to the bait. Not so, Raven, who was all too happy to throw Naruto under the bus. So she said the one thing that came to mind, the one thing she knew would distract her daughter. She took vindictive pleasure in it. So smiling, she pushed him forward. "Say hello to your new father, Yang."

Yang had only one word for her mother. "Bwuh?"

"Poundcake? Naruto offered.

It was super effective.

Yang fainted.

A/N: Bring on the puns.

Next chapter picks up here.

As in right where we just left off, folks.

Aaaaaaaaaaand Raven steals the show again.

Seriously, damn birdy just writes herself these days! Sheesh!

And oh god Naruto just hired Nora. Get ready for pancakes. Chaos and pancakes. And drunken Ruby next chapter.

Orginally, I WANTED to focus this chapter on Yang, but Raven swooped in and stole my hands. Maybe I have a soft spoke for hard cases like her. She's not quite tame in this chapter, but neither is Naruto. They're both flawed, both imperfect, and as such seek solace in one another. I've yet to delve into their past for obvious reasons, but its been heavily implied that Raven...well, she's made her share of mistakes, -sleeping with Tai, deceiving him to raise Yang, etc!-but she feels regret for them. Oh, and Raven's here to stay. Wonder how that'll change things.

This story won't have a big pairing, frankly, it would mess with the dynamic I'm setting up.

Worry not, there will be some action in this story, you have but to wait. I might write a detailed story entailing just how Naruto and Raven met and got together down the road, but that's something years down the road. Need to get my other stories finished first.

So In the Immortal Words of Atlas...

...Revieeeeew, Would You Kindly?

They keeps an old man alive.

And enjoy the previews.

Get ready to smile~!

And before anyone asks? Yes, Deery is an actual character in RWBY albeit a minor one.

Feel free to Google her. Whyever did I say that? Heh. Keep reading.

(Previews!)

Urk, this was awkward.

Naruto sighed. "Wanna spar?"

Yang shot right out of her seat with a grin. "You're going down old timer."

Nevermind. He took back any and all thoughts on this girl who may-or-may not be his daughter. He was going to kick her ass.

"Hic!" the young huntress swayed in her seat. "I thought it was milk! I'mma...not drunk...why are there three Yangs?"

Yang sucked in a breath through her teeth. "Alright, who gave Ruby that drink?"

Three heads shook rapidly. Raven pointedly hid the bottle behind her back.

Naruto didn't look up from his glass. "Pretty sure the Schnee did it."

Weiss looked absolutely betrayed. "I did no such thing!"

Yang tackled her in an instant.

Ruby only laughed.

"Whee~!"

Ozpin cleared his throat. "Raven-

"Nope."

"If you would just-

She crossed her arms. "Nope."

"You know, this is very unbecoming of-

"Nope nope nope nope nope." she talked over him.

So hungry...

The gun clicked against his stomach. "Hands up."

Naruto smiled down at her. It was all teeth. "Deery, was it? You know how to use that?"

"Y-Yes! Of course I do!" How did he know her name?! No. She couldn't falter. Not now. "Empty the register, old man."

"Nope." Much to the starving girl's annoyance, her mark continued to smile at her like a patient parent. "I don't think so. My employees worked hard for that money, and I need to pay them this week. What kind of boss would I be if I stiffed them on their first paycheck."

"Why you...?!"

"Tell you what, squirt." a hand reached up and seized the pistol, gripping the barrel with enough force to make the metal buckle. "For decency's sake, I'll give you one shot." blue eyes widened with glee as she struggled to pull her weapon away. "What's wrong? You said you were prepared for this. Take the shot. Make it count...oh, nevermind." blue eyes drifted past her. "Times up."

A bloody red blade settled against the thief's throat from behind. "Dinner and a show. How sweet of you."

"Don't kill her, Raven." Naruto plucked the gun from her hand. "I like her. She has potential."

"You and your strays." She shrugged. "If you say so. Sorry kid, nothing personal."

Deery raised her hands. "Um...mercy, m'lord?"

And then there was pain.

"You look like shit, brother. Drinking again?"

Qrow nearly swallowed his flask. "Me and my bad luck...

"Strawberry shortcake, please."

"You're becoming something of a regular here."

Cinder Fall preened as her favorite treat appeared before her.

"Am I? And that was fast." she hummed in appreciation. "Keep this up and I might have to steal you."

"You can try," came Naruto's humming reply as he poured her a tall glass of milk, "But I'm afraid I've already spoken for."

"Are you, now?" A dark brow arched as she considered his worn hands. She saw no ring. "That can change. You'll find me very...persuasive."

R&R~!