She knew what the hunger was , she knew what she desired , she knew what the heat spreading through her body desired .
It embarrassed her but that didn't take the strength of her desire , the extent of her need , away .
"Before we tell anyone else the truth , we have to strengthen our relationship", she decided.
"And to do that we have to... I want him to ... I want us to have ... "
Sex...
The word danced on the tip of her tongue , flirting with her lips ,begging her to speak it out loud .
Chizuru exhaled slowly , resisting the temptation, and closed her eyes , calming herself albeit slightly.
She had felt this before . For a while now . Even before they had become a couple . Even before she had even started to accept the smallest possibility of there being a chance that she had feelings for him , she had felt these sparks of heat.
Yes it had been there before.
But it grew every single day . It grew faster and quicker and became more powerful the closer she was to him .
And now it was stronger than she had ever felt before.
She glared once again at the gap between Kazuya and herself . To be fair there was barely any but it still annoyed her that it was there . Or rather what annoyed her was that he had chosen to leave the space between them .
She knew that he was fully aware of her . It was obvious , after all every time she used the motion of the train to close in on him , just enough for the bodies to slightly brush up against each other , he shifted , moving slightly just out of reach .
She knew why he was doing it . Respect and consideration for her . Making sure to never make her feel uncomfortable.
She loved the fact that he was always looking out for her .
But at the same time a twinge of annoyance and that dizzying heat burnt through her .
"You're my boyfriend after all ", she thought
"Its not like I mind … no its more than that
I like it when you ... "
"Chizuru ,what's up ?", Kazuya asked suddenly waving his hand in front of her face .
"N..nothing ", Chizuru yelped .
"Huh ? You looked like you were spacing out ", a confused Kazuya asked
"I...I wasn't ", Chizuru squeaked out .
"Okay ", Kazuya replied unsurely before standing up ,
"Come on , it's nearly our stop " .
Chizuru immediately scrambled up and followed Kazuya to the door .
They both jumped out simultaneously but Chizuru's landing was unsteady . Her knees buckled just a bit and she was about to lose her balance when Kazuya's arm shot around her waist and steadied her , pulling her closer to him as he did .
"Are you okay ? ", he asked , his eyes blinking with worry .
"Y. Yeah I am ", Chizuru squawked before covering her mouth in horror.
She couldn't help it though , she had been longing for his touch and now his hand was firmly wrapped on her waist , the fabric of her clothes only heightening the sensation of his touch on her skin.
She could feel the heat gathering in her body concentrating on every single inch of her that basked in his grip .
Sparks flew up and down every single nerve in her body as she trembled slightly, silently pleading for more
She breathed out. Then in . Slowly . Heavily . Trying to find the courage. To ask him . To whisk her home . And then to his apartment. And then to his...
"Phew ! You had me worried there for a second ", Kazuya exclaimed with relief as he let go of her before starting to walk forward .
She walked as well but just half a step behind , with her face turned just slightly away from his view so that he wouldn't see the crestfallen look on her face .
From there they got onto a bus and then disembarked about twenty minutes away from their apartment.
They walked slowly, taking in the lights that were still up from New Years . Kazuya did most of the talking . Chizuru didn't ignore him but in her heart she couldn't deny that she was more than a little annoyed .
"It's not fair to him ,though ", she told herself.
"It's not like he did anything wrong. It's not like he pushed me away or something ".
She may have been annoyed but her desire was still strong. She still craved him , perhaps even more now , buoyed by the fleeting memory of his momentary warmth .
She till gazed at him with hunger, with longing.
All of a sudden she realized that she had been silent for too long . She tried to say something but Kazuya had stopped walking , clearly having noticed her staring at him .
"Are you sure you're okay ", he asked her for the second time .
Chizuru opened her mouth to reassure him but Kazuya had already continued,
"You've been acting funny since we got on the train, you've been spacing out and looking at me kinda weird. Your face is red too and your eyebrows are scrunched up , like you're frowning and you only do that when you want something or you're.."
He stopped for a while while Chizuru hurriedly tried to come up with a plausible explanation but before she could, Kazuya snapped his fingers together .
"I got it ", he told her as a serious expression came over him .
"I'm sorry , I should've noticed before . It was obvious after all , from the way you were acting. It's obvious what you want ".
He suddenly started walking again, scanning all the building and signs on either side of the road as he did .
"Wait , Kazuya what are you ... ", Chizuru tried to ask him as she followed him .
"You could have just told me , you know ", he interrupted .
"I'm your boyfriend after all . It's not like it's something wrong or even unusual . I mean, it's perfectly normal for you to want it ".
"Huh , it ... what does he mean ?... ", Chizuru wondered before her mind discerned what he had meant.
She nearly screamed out loud , as she furiously thought to herself,
"No , there's no way . He couldn't have figured it out . I didn't say anything . How could he have ... there's no way ...
But ... ", she realized
"He always does this ,he's always been able to read my mind. But ... was I really that obvious. I ... "
As she gazed at her boyfriend walking as fast as he could in front of her, something caught her eye . Something just ahead of them .
A neon sign that seemed to just be a bit brighter than the others around .
The brightly lit words danced in Chizuru's mind , causing her to erupt with panic .
"Cheap rooms for Rent . One night " .
"That's a ... that's a ... ", Chizuru repeated to herself as she began to breath heavily .
"No he can't be .. seriously. "
She looked back to Kazuya who seemed to be almost certainly heading towards what was obviously a love hotel .
"Kazuya ", she called out , her voice barely recognizable , a pale whisper of itself.
"We don't have to ... right away ...I can wait ... till we get back home. "
"No ", he replied firmly.
"I've made you wait long enough . I have to do this now ".
His words shook her with their strength. For a second she paused but then the panic in her chest was overcome with that now familiar heat
She forced her thoughts of her mind and just walked behind him silently, as they almost approached the love hotel.
Every step churned the emotions in Chizuru's stomach but she kept walking until she stood right in front of the building.
She closed her eyes for a second and stretched her hand out , searching for his so that he could pull her inside .
But she couldn't find him . And so she opened her eyes ,just in time to see him entering the twenty four hour convenience store a couple of buildings from the love hotel .
Wave upon wave of scarlet embarrassment flooded through Chizuru as she stared at the convenience store , with her mouth wide open.
Within minutes Kazuya reappeared , smiling broadly as he made his way towards her , holding a large paper bag .
"I'm sorry ", he told her once he was next to her .
"I should have realized sooner , that you were hungry " .
"Nooooooo ", a mortified Chizuru screamed internally while staring at Kazuya wordlessly turning more red by the minute .
"What's wrong Chizuru, you're turning red ", Kazuya asked slightly confused by her reaction.
He then smiled again as he answered himself,
"Oh, you must be embarrassed that I figured out you were hungry . Don't be . I know you well enough. And like I said I should have noticed earlier ".
Inside her mind Chizuru struggled to wrestle equal parts of embarrassment, disappointment and annoyance all while her yearning for him suggested seductively to her .
As Kazuya spoke he opened the bag and pulled out a box of giant, piping hot , steamed buns .
"I got a bunch of fillings, meat , pizza , sweet bean paste even a couple with chocolate ".
"I'm not ..hung... ", Chizuru tried to tell him but the enticing essence of the steamed buns wafted through her and momentarily defeated all other emotions inside her .
"I give up ", Chizuru told herself miserably before stretching out her hand , grabbing a bun and biting into it, while Kazuya smiled triumphantly .
"It's really good ", Chizuru told Kazuya, irritated with herself at how appetizing she found them .
Soon they were almost at their apartment building, having shared and laughed through their meal , Chizuru's mood improving as she ate.
Finally they tossed the empty cover in the nearest trash bin , Chizuru doing the honors while commenting that she couldn't even dream of eating anything else that night .
As they walked the last few miles , Chizuru couldn't help glancing at Kazuya softly , almost apologetically, felling more than a bit guilty about how irritated she was with him before.
"It's not his fault ", she reminded himself for the second time that night.
"He didn't reject me, he just misunderstood.
And he realized I was hungry even though I didn't know .
He's the greatest boyfriend. "
She sighed out loud, causing Kazuya to glance back at her, raising an eyebrow inquisitively,
"It's nothing ", she told him , smiling.
"I'm just feeling happy " .
"Me too ", he replied.
"It was an amazing date " .
"I know , right ? ", she agreed
Just as they reached the building, Kazuya's phone rang .
"Its my boss ", he told her before answering.
What followed was a very animated and loud conversation or rather disagreement which ended with seemed like a compromise before Kazuya hung up .
"What was that about? "
"He wants me to change my shift schedule around a bit . Not a lot, but a couple of shifts at odd timings , like he wants me at work tomorrow from eleven through the afternoon ".
"Do people even go to karaoke at that time ?", she asked puzzled .
"That's what I said ", Kazuya replied indignantly .
"But he said something about the place being a 24 hours a day establishment and stuff.
Anyway there won't be too many customers so work will be light.
And he promised me that he'll give me the whole next weekend off , if I worked these weird shifts , so I agreed " .
"Wait , so tomorrow you'll be busy till the evening?", Chizuru asked unhappily.
Kazuya immediately recognized the downcast expression on her face and replied apologetically,
"I'm sorry. I should have checked with you first . I know it's Sunday too , so we could have spent the day together ".
"No , it's fine ", Chizuru told him , shaking off her disappointment before adding
"And besides , it's probably for the best that one of us stays committed to their job " .
"Yeah ", Kazuya agreed .
"But I'm still disappointed ", he complained.
"I'm the one who's disappointed ", Chizuru laughed at him before promising
" We'll get together for the rest of the day , okay."
"Okay ", he agreed wholeheartedly.
They started to walk up the stairs and suddenly Kazuya called her again,
"Chizuru? "
"Yeah ", she answered still moving up the stairs .
"I'm really happy you're quitting your job . I know that your relationship with the other clients was always professional and that you didn't think about them like you do me .
But it still makes me happy , to have you all to myself ", he told her honestly .
Chizuru who had just reached the landing ,felt that familiar heat burn in her chest again .
Those words swirled around her, her own desire to have him all to herself reared it's head , while the desire to give herself to him followed close behind.
She felt that familiar sensation, an almost tunnel-vision emotion, a moment where she could feel or see nothing but him .
She twirled around and placed her hands on Kazuya's face who was still on the steps.
She pulled him closer to him before kissing him fiercely .
He responded immediately almost out of instinct .
Urged on by her insatiable hunger and the caress of his lips she pushed forward and for the first time , intertwined her tongue with his .
She felt the tremor run through him as he felt her , she felt the little gasp of shock, the reflex inhalation of his breath but she held on and in mere seconds Kazuya's hesitation was broken down by his responding desire .
Finally when they could hold it no longer , they broke apart, Chizuru's head almost spinning, barely able to believe what she had done .
And then she felt a moment of clarity, a moment of perfect calm , as they clouds of embarrassment cleared away and she took in her boyfriend.
She was ready now , to say it . To ask him .
She then suddenly realized that Kazuya's hands were on her shoulders .
"When did they get there? ", she wondered.
"While we were kissing ? "
In that moment of distraction, Kazuya climbed the last step and stood beside her on the landing and now she was able to see exactly mind-blown he was as he gaped at her.
And then the embarrassment overwhelmed her once again.
She opened her mouth to say something but could only close it before trying again and failing and eventually Kazuya was able to speak ,
"That was ... you ... I was really surprised ".
She nodded furiously, finding that was all she could do .
"But it was amazing too ", he managed to get out before walking past her towards the door of his apartment.
"See you tomorrow?", he half-asked half-told her .
She nodded again, this time firmly, before he went inside and swung the door close .
Chizuru's eyes were fixed to the door which seemed to move in slow motion taunting her to burst it open and go inside .
But she remained rooted to the stop .
After it closed fully, she exhaled slowly before speaking in the softest whispers,
"Tomorrow... definitely... " .
Update : Sorry guys but no chapter this week , just couldn't get it done in time . Apologies and hopefully Chapter 37 will be worth the wait till next week .
A/N : Chizuru allows herself to be controlled by her most tempting desire , each setback only making her more determined.
Next time : Chizuru reflects on her desire for sex before confronting Kazuya with it .