Her body was no longer under her control , shivers ran up and down her as his fingers grazed her spine , a sharp intake of breath whenever his touch was just a little more firm and the escape of the softest moans when he lingered at one of her more sensitive spots .
"W...what are you doing? ", she managed to get out .
He chuckled just a bit before answering,
"Isn't it obvious? " .
She looked anywhere but at him as she said it , she just couldn't bring herself to . But she could feel his gaze , his longing gaze , his hungry gaze piercing her, sending her the signal, making it very clear what he was here for , what he was about to do .
His fingers faded from her back and she knew what was coming . She arched her neck upwards making it easier for him.
She heard him chuckle again as he realized what she was doing and somehow it called to her . It drew her to him and now she couldn't stop herself from looking at him .
The same gentle smile , the same orange hair , the same fish t-shirt, the same joy , the same love , all same expect for the lust in his eyes .
Chizuru had never seen Kazuya like that before.
And then the illusion shattered, somehow , somewhere , some unambiguous sound or smell or sensation brought Chizuru back to consciousness.
She tried to sit up but almost stumbled back, rubbing her eyes , yawning loudly , brushing away that one strand of her hair that always ended up in her mouth .
She was very groggy , after all she had spent most of the night tossing and turning, resisting the temptation to jump over the balcony and sneak into Kazuya's apartment, before finally falling asleep.
"What was that dream about ? ", she yawned loudly .
The dream was one of those that faded as you awoke to reality, and so Chizuru could only grasp to its barest threads as the dream floated away .
"I was definitely happy ", she remembered.
"And excited . But why ? "
She sighed before getting up and heading to her bathroom before beginning to brush her teeth .
Just as she was about to finish , another thread of her dream knocked on her mind .
"Yeah ... Kazuya was definitely there ", she realized.
The thought sat in her mind for a while before she remembered with a shock ,
"He has to go to work today " .
She ran back to her bedroom , toothbrush still in her mouth and checked the time on her phone .
"10: 12 "
"OK I still have time "
She ran back and proceeded to freshen herself up quicker than she had ever done before, just giving herself time to wash her face , brush her hair, put on her glasses and pull on a hoodie, before sprinting out of her door .
"I already decided ", she reminded herself.
"I won't let him off today . I know we can't... now but I'll tell him ... before I lose my nerve ... or at least drop a signal or two ... and then ... once he comes back ... "
Without hesitating for a second she knocked loudly on his door.
No response .
She knocked a little more insistently.
Not a sound.
Frustrated she tried the door handle and it swung open .
"Why didn't he come to the door then ?", she grumbled before realizing that his room was empty .
"He left already? But he said he would be here till the afternoon ", she complained out loud saddened by his absence.
She walked out of his apartment but couldn't help herself from slamming the door shut on her way out .
The second she did it , Chizuru realized she had made a mistake.
Because almost instantaneously she heard the rustling of a lock being opened, coming from the apartment next to Kazuya's.
Out of instinct she nearly turned back to her apartment but realizing that would make her look more suspicious, she instead took a couple of steps forward so that by the time the door opened and Yaemori Mini was outside, Chizuru was at least not standing right in front of his door and seemed to be walking past it .
The second she saw her , Yaemori screamed in delight ,
"Mizuhara-san !"
"Oh , Mini-chan , nice to see you ", Chizuru replied pretending to be surprised.
"Yeah yeah ", she nodded enthusiastically before adding ,
"It's been way too long. I've been pining for you all this time " .
"Huh ? ", Chizuru asked confused before shaking her head remembering how chaotic the younger girl's mind was .
"Anyway ", Yaemori continued ,
"Please hold on for a bit , I have to go give Master a piece of my mind . He's being way too loud and I'm trying to stream ".
"No , actually... " , Chizuru began but before she could say anything else , Yaemori had crashed through the door into his apartment .
"I can't tell her anyway ", Chizuru reminded herself just as Yaemori came back out.
"He's not here ", she announced.
That familiar cunning teasing smile spread through her face before Yaemori continued coyly,
"It's a shame he isn't here , huh ? Especially with Mizuhara-san prowling outside his apartment. "
"I was just on my way to the grocery store ", Chizuru replied indignantly.
"It's alright , it's just me you don't have to pretend ", Yaemori replied shaking her head .
She then slid closer to Chizuru, getting as close to her as possible before whispering in a breathy tone ,
"It's perfectly alright to get urges " .
"Huh... what... I... didn't... ", Chizuru sputtered , all traces of calmness gone .
"It's normal ", Yaemori repeated.
"Everyone gets them. All the time too . At least once a month ".
She then paused for a minute glancing at his door before continuing ,
"Actually I happen to know a nice young guy , about your age , perfectly healthy , in the prime of his youth , who I'm sure would be more than happy to ..."
"No ... " , Chizuru half screamed out just about able to keep her face from erupting with the deepest blush .
Yaemori sighed, raising her hands up in a give-up gesture before grumbling
"Man , I can't believe nothing's changed between you two. When Master told me about you two back then , I was pretty sure that you both would be head over heels by now, all lovey-dovey out in public and all that " .
She walked back to her apartment and had almost gone inside when she popped her head out and remarked one last time before disappearing ,
"If you want to take up my offer , just drop a message and I'll send Master over " .
The second she left , Chizuru near collapsed on the railing , covering her face with her hands , now burning red with embarrassment before running back to her apartment, thinking ,
"Geez , even she figured it out " .
About half an hour later , Chizuru emerged from under her blanket, after having rolled around under it trying her best to regain some semblance of level-headedness.
She sat up on the bed, leaning against her pillows as she sighed out loudly before her eyes inevitably traveled to her little shrine .
First to her grandparents , that familiar wave of sadness passed through her , followed by her warm memories of them.
Today her mind pulled from the deepest dredges of her brain , some of her earlier memories, maybe from when she was 4 years old .
Chizuru remembered how she used to cling to her grandparents every second of every day , how she absolutely refused to let go of them , how she used to bawl her eyes out when Grandpa left for work, how she used to fix herself to Grandma's feet as she moved around the house , how she would tackle Grandpa at the front door when he came back , how she would only fall asleep at night when she could feel both of them next to her .
It was something she had grown out , or rather something she had forced herself out of as her cruel fate ripped her life apart .
But in her heart , in the deepest most secret part of the heart she longed to hold the people she loved as tight as possible, to feel their warmth on her , to feel loved by them .
And now that the people she loved on this earth was only one Chizuru couldn't help herself from longing to hold him tight, not just once in a while, not in the way she had held her grandparents but in that special way that she could connect only with her precious boyfriend .
Sex ...
The word lit up in her mind again.
She hadn't stumbled onto sex in the way teenagers usually did , she had never really been interested in porn nor had she been close enough to anyone during her school days to talk about it .
No , she had discovered sex through movies , purely by accident, but she had found it .
And maybe because it was through that medium , reinforced by more movies and some books , maybe growing up with her grandparents in a more traditional household, Chizuru grew through her teenage years with a romantic notion of sex , the firm conviction that she would only even consider it with the person she truly loved and trusted .
Of course like all things in her life , once her Grandfather died and her Grandmother got her deadline , Chizuru threw aside every desire of her own .
But now Kazuya had shown her the way back , he created feelings in her that were too strong, he stood by her side through good and bad , and so he had reawakened all those desires of hers with a burning passion .
Along with one more certainty .
Without a doubt, Kinoshita Kazuya was the man she had chosen, if it could be called that, after all it was not a logical choice , more her being engulfed by him .
Her eyes moved from her grandparents to what lay in between them , that midnight-dark box with the sparkling diamond ring instead.
"I won't let him off today ", she vowed to herself, repeating the promise from last night.
Her phone buzzed and she picked it up for the first time that day other than when she checked the time earlier
The first thing she noticed was the time . Well past 1 .
"Eh ? Wasn't it just 10:30-ish when I checked it before , it can't have been more than an hour since then ", she wondered confused before realizing,
"I didn't have my glasses on then , I must have read it wrong .
No wonder he had already left . "
She unlocked her phone and found at the top of her notifications , a few messages from the orange haired young man .
"Hey", the first one said , sent at 10: 30
"Knocked on your door a couple of times but you were asleep I guess , I'm headed out now ", read the second message sent seconds after the first , followed by a third ,
"See you later " .
Chizuru felt a little pang of guilt as she realized ,
"He wanted to see me before he left " .
Her eyes then swept downwards towards his latest message sent just a minute ago ,
"Hey , I'll be back by around 5 , want me to get you anything ? Groceries or something sweet or anything? "
"Now he's missing me . And feeling guilty for leaving me alone, so he wants to make up for it ", she thought to herself before saying out loud,
"As if I'm the kind of woman who can be swayed by a dessert " .
The gentle smile on her face revealed how she truly felt about it as she typed back ,
"No need for groceries but on the subject of something sweet ... surprise me " .
He sent back a thumbs up and an okay faster than she could blink .
Chizuru could almost see the enthusiastic grin on his face .
She typed back ,
"Sorry for not being awake in the morning " .
"That's fine ", he replied in his usual manner .
"It was way too early anyway " .
A minute later another message came from him
"Oh my break is over , better get going " .
Chizuru sighed before replying,
"Okay , but hurry back here as soon as you can "
He sent back the most determined "definitely" before presumably returning to his shift .
"He understood too ", she chuckled out loud .
"That I'm missing him .
"Geez ", she sighed for the umpteenth time ,
"Why are you always so quick to pick up on everything else ? "
The gentle smile steadied itself on her face now fueled with determination.
"Now how can I bring it up without sounding weird? ", Chizuru wondered .
Finally at about 5 pm, Chizuru (who had been listening carefully from inside her apartment for an hour now ) , heard footsteps on the creaky stairs .
Without pausing for a second she burst out of her apartment ,grabbed his shoulder and pulled him inside ignoring his requests for five minutes to change out of his clothes first . But he was most certainly smiling as she dragged him in .
She finally released him at the table where they both sat down before openly demanding her sweets .
Kazuya pulled out a box and opened it to reveal the most delicate looking soft white buns .
"Mochi ? ", Chizuru asked .
He grinned even wider before responding,
"It is mochi but since you wanted a surprise ...
These are filled with ice cream " .
"Huh , really?", she asked.
Kazuya barely had time to nod before Chizuru devoured one .
"Wow , they're so good ! ", she exclaimed before going after the others.
"Hey , leave a couple for me too ", Kazuya told her laughing.
Soon the box was empty and Chizuru looked back at him smiling before delicately running her fingernails across his palm ,
"Those were amazing ", she told him again .
She then dropped her voice to a whisper before adding ,
"I'll have to reward you for that tonight " .
"Huh ? Great. I'm looking forward to it ", he replied quite happily before getting up and leaving for his apartment promising to return in a few minutes .
Chizuru picked up the empty box and walked towards the trash bin , smiling satisfactorily, thinking ,
"Success ! I dropped the first hint " .
The thought sat in her mind for a couple of seconds before she flung the box into the bin .
"Who am I kidding, he definitely thought that I was talking about dinner ", she admitted to herself.
Almost immediately she perked up telling herself,
"That was just a little tease , the real stuff is coming
First , Step one " .
Once Kazuya returned , she dragged him to the living room and made him sit down before telling him .
"So I have a booking tomorrow for a date and I was wondering what to wear. I picked out a few outfits but I couldn't decide .
You mind helping me choose ? "
"Sure no problem ", he replied, starting to get up .
"No, no ", she told him pushing him back down .
"I'll put them on and then come show you ".
"Huh ? ", Kazuya reacted , clearly surprised but before he could say anything, Chizuru had walked into her bedroom.
The first two outfits were pretty standard for her, her usual style just slight differences between the outfits.
But then she came out with her last outift .
A low-cut top that barely covered her waist , a skirt that struggled to reach the middle of her thighs and tights that just had the wrong shade of transparency.
Of course there was no client tomorrow , and it was just a convenient excuse for her .
The second he saw her , Kazuya made a sound that was half a scream and half like he was being strangled .
"What do you think?", Chizuru asked insistently delighted with his reaction .
"Umm.. you look really good " , he managed to say before continuing,
"But... "
"I thought so too , I guess I'll wear this then ", she interrupted.
"No ", he yelled out .
"Why ? What's wrong?", she asked innocently.
He took a few deep breaths obviously working up the courage before answering, in a small voice .
"It's way too ... revealing " .
"It is ? ", Chizuru asked , acting surprised while the ring of victory sounded through her mind.
"Fine then , if you say so ", she told him before drawing closer to him and whispering much like she had before,
"Then I'll keep this outfit safe for when we go out"
The blush on his face was obvious.
Chizuru returned to her bedroom , now allowing herself to smile before planning ,
"Okay step one was a success . He's definitely thinking about me now .
Now time to change the atmosphere ".
She walked back out in her usual hoodie before grabbing the remote and asking Kazuya,
"Wanna see a movie ? "
Of course the movie had been carefully chosen. While the action themed plot itself gave nothing away , it had a few hints and teases here and there which culminated in a quite steamy sex scene at the end .
It was the first time they had watched something like that together.
Chizuru who had been quite bold upto that point, lost her nerve the second the scene unfolded.
She only managed to steel her will by looking at Kazuya who was sitting as still as a statue , wordless .
It helped that all the blood in his body had seemingly rushed to his face .
She tried to say something but could only clear her throat awkwardly and finally after a couple of minutes, Chizuru yelped out ,
"I'm going to take a shower " .
"Eh ? Okay ", Kazuya muttered unable to even glance in her direction .
She scrambled away as quickly as she could, her heart pounding like a jackhammer as she did.
Once she was out of sight she took a few deep breaths to steady herself before thinking ,
"Okay ... he's definitely thinking about it now . It'd be impossible not to after that.
Now ..."
Chizuru swallowed a few times nervously , her next step would be her last , a move that would make what she wanted, glaringly obvious.
She went to her bedroom and neatly arranged her clothes in a pile on her bed before coming back out and going into the bathroom.
There she peeled off her clothes and stood under the steaming shower, calming herself with the the heat of the water .
After a few minutes she stopped the running water, wiped herself with a towel ,then picked up her phone and sent Kazuya a message,
"Hey I left my clothes in my bedroom , could you get them for me ? "
She clicked "send" the second she had typed out the message, not leaving herself the chance to back out .
She put her phone back on the washbasin and found that her breath had become panicky .
"It's alright ", she told herself.
"It's just Kazuya, after all .
And it's not like I'm expecting him to march into the shower .
But I'm sure he'll at least look at me , at least steal a glance. Maybe even ask me .
And once he does that, then I can tell him . I can tell him what I want . "
She waited, every second adding to her flustered tension , till finally she heard the uncertain knock on the bathroom door .
Her hands quivered for a second but she steeled herself and opened the door , looking straight at him , allowing her desire to show on her face.
Without even glancing at her direction , he stretched out his hands with her clothes .
For a second she was stunned , then angry , then just a bit sad . Chizuru grabbed the clothes and slammed the door shut .
Inside , for a second , her lips trembled . She felt the acute sting of rejection, an outcome that she had not expected but was still extremely potent .
Then she stopped herself , pushed the anger away , telling herself,
"Now's not the time for all that . He's my boyfriend and he's right here.
I should have just told him . Instead of all these elaborate plans , I should have just told him " .
She pulled her clothes on and walked out , and went straight to her living room where Kazuya was sitting on a cushion , stone-faced , staring at the blank TV screen .
Chizuru sat down on the cushion next to his which was , as usual, just a little bit away from him .
She smiled sadly for a second as she stared at the space between them before she closed her eyes, gathered her courage and asked Kazuya,
"You know what I was trying to do right ? "
He nodded before replying, still not looking at her,
"Not right away but ... yeah "
Chizuru exhaled slowly ,
"Then why don't you want to ...? "
"Why ... ", he repeated before struggling to answer
Chizuru sighed before speaking again,
"You know , Grandpa and Grandma always used to tease me about how clingy I was as a child . It embarrassed me but I loved doing it .
That's how I always was , how I truly truly showed love at the deepest level possible for me was to touch . To hold . To desperately cling on and never let go .
That's why ... when I made up my mind and decided to confess to you , I thought about sex . I was fully prepared , no, not just prepared , I wanted to and was ready ,even back then .
Because I saw it as my own special way of showing you how I felt about you ,how precious you are to me . The thing only I could do to you and the thing only you can do to me .
That's why Kazuya , I want you to tell me why you don't want to ... "
Kazuya was silent. Despite the words from her heart , he stayed motionless ,without saying even a single word .
"Tell me , Kazuya . Its fine if you're not ready . Its fine ,whatever your reason is, but tell me ", Chizuru pleaded , her voice breaking slightly, as she moved closer closer to him .
Immediately he shifted away , just slightly, but enough.
"Why won't you tell me , Kazuya? ,Chizuru asked softly .
"Why are you moving away from me ? "
"Why aren't you looking at me ?", she asked , her voice now a barely decipherable whisper as she cradled his hand in hers .
A second passed , then another and then finally Kazuya turned towards her and met her eyes .
And then she saw it .
His desire , as powerful as her own , in his eyes .
But surrounding his desire , etched all over his face was shame.
She had barely recognized his emotion before he looked away again and admitted
"I can't look at you because if I do , I won't be able to hold myself back ".
"Why ? " , she asked .
"Why do want to hold yourself back ? "
Kazuya's eyes drifted across the room as he worked up his courage before staring at the ground and speaking,
"Ruka-chan stayed over at my apartment one night, ages ago . That time ... I came within an inch of giving in and ... ".
"But you didn't ", Chizuru reminded him
"Yeah ", Kazuya agreed.
"But ... I nearly did. I nearly lost control and had sex with someone I didn't even have feelings for .
And ... with Mami-chan ... "
He paused for a moment as his head sunk lower and then spoke , his voice burdened with shame ,
"With Mami-chan ... I liked her . And I wanted to have sex with her . I really did . I thought of it as the ultimate achievement, having sex with my girlfriend . And so I ... I hinted at it all the time . I kept trying to get there as soon as possible. I considered it the greatest, most amazing thing about having a girlfriend .
I kept trying to ... convince her ... and it was obvious what she thought of it. And she was right to . That's not the way I should have treated her .
That's why ... I don't want to do the same to you .
Of course I ... it's obvious I ... want to ... with you as well
But Chizuru... you're more important and more precious to me than either of them . I don't want that to be the highlight of us being together. Something that I wanted to do with a girl I didn't love . Something that I made the whole point of a relationship once .
I want more than that . This relationship ... you .. my feelings for you ... are more than that
I just ... don't want to hurt you ".
The second Kazuya finished talking, Chizuru wrapper her arms around him , raising him up , forcing him to look at her and then telling him,
"Thank you
The way you've worried and the way you thought so much about it , it's because you feel this , as strongly as I do .
You're feeling like this , because this time ... with me and you ... it's different.
It's not casual. It's not for fun or pleasure.
It's because we love each other.
That's why it's okay .
I know that you won't hurt me .
Don't hold back how you feel .
I can take the weight of your feelings.
Thank you for loving me .
I know that your feelings for me are much more than wanting to have sex
That's why it's okay.
We can put this away .
And when you're ready ... we can ... "
Chizuru smiled and let go of him . She got up and turned towards the kitchen telling him ,
"Dinner is almost ... "
The next thing she felt was warmth on her back around her waist , arms snaking around her , pulling her back around and down to the ground .
Pulling her closer to him .
"I love you ", he told her before slowly leaning in .
In those micro-seconds before his lips reached her , she saw his face clearly , now devoid of shame , now filled with love , that desire flickering through his eyes.
She barely had time to grasp before his lips crashed into hers , followed unhesitatingly by his tongue , intertwined with hers , dancing together.
He pulled away after a few seconds and they both silently stared at each other .
Then , Chizuru got up and pulled him along with her , dragging him by his hand to her bedroom, leading him to her bed .
There they sat down , pausing for just a moment before Chizuru kissed him , the forcefullness of the first giving way to gentler kisses .
Their hands started to move across each other slowly , nervously at first and then quicker , feeling each other , the way they squirmed and moved under each other's touch .
Soon the lights were switched off and their clothes were on the floor.
They paused as a wave of fear passed through them , the knowledge that this was a milestone in their relationship, another one of those "can't go back" moments .
For a second they closed their eyes , they swayed on the weight of their decision .
And then they smiled and repeated ,
" I love you " .
Finally they gave into their deepest , their most instinctual desires .
Finally they threw the last of their fears aside and intertwined with each other.
Finally they bared their hearts to each other .
Finally they consumed each other with their love .
Finally they lost themselves in each other's warmth .
A/N : And it has happened. After plans gone astray and hidden regrets revealed and desires admitted, Kazuya and Chizuru take the next courageous step together and consummate their relationship.
This chapter has undoubtedly been the most difficult to write for its intricacies, for the progression of Chizuru's desire , for Kazuya's hesitation and most of all to clearly show that their desire to have sex is connected to their immense love
Sorry for the delay in writing this chapter ,but hope you've enjoyed it .
Next time : The morning after