"I'm going to ask Ichinose to be my girlfriend" .
The bar was crowded , music was playing , people were yelling , a glass had just shattered near his foot , spilling beer all over his shoes but all Kazuya heard was deafening silence.
He stared blankly at Kibe who returned the stare defiantly.
An equally dumbstruck Kuri gaped at Kibe with his mouth wide open .
They were broken out of their shock only by the accommodating waiter who swept up the glass and promptly filled the table with another round of drinks .
Kuri and Kibe had apologized to the waiter but Kazuya had barely moved an inch .
Once the waiter had gone , Kuri drained his own glass before asking Kibe ,
"Did you just say ... Ichinose ? "
Kibe finally turned away from Kazuya as he nodded .
"As in... Ichinose Chizuru ? ", Kuri asked .
"Yeah " ,came Kibe's curt response .
"Kawanaka's friend ? "
"Yeah , Kuri that's the one . We know only one Ichinose .The girl we see everyday at Uni , the one with glasses and braided hair ", Kibe answered , with a little bite .
Kuri blinked for a couple of seconds before he grabbed another glass and chugged it down .
Almost immediately he relaxed and an unfocused smile grew on his face as he leaned over and patted Kibe on the back ,
"That's great man ", Kuri told him .
"So when is this ... ".
"Cut it " .
Both Kibe and Kuri turned around because Kazuya had finally spoke .
"What did you say ? ", Kibe asked .
Kazuya was silent for a few more seconds before he exploded ,
"I said , cut the bullshit " .
Kazuya had finally gotten past his initial shock and once he had, once he thought about what Kibe had said and what it meant , he was left with furious rage .
"What the hell did you say to me ? ", an angered Kibe asked .
"You heard me ", Kazuya yelled back .
"That's what this is right , bullshit ?
This is some sort of a game, right ? "
Kibe took a deep breath with what it seemed like all his strength and replied with an almost furious calm ,
"I don't know what the hell you're talking about , I'm not playing any game here.
I'm not trying anything.
I'm serious, I want to date her ".
"I told you to cut it with the bullshit ", Kazuya yelled with even more fire .
Kazuya was well beyond the point of angry , he was burning with a furious rage and he was determined to take it out on Kibe , the person who claimed to be his near friend but had casually declared his desire for Kazuya's girlfriend.
"What the hell do you mean , you want to date her ? All of a sudden , after all these weeks , you want me to believe that you suddenly want to date her for no reason ", he asked Kibe in a mocking tone .
Kibe fell silent but Kazuya could see the vein bulging in his forehead, he knew had struck a nerve but he wasn't ready to let up .
"What you like her now ? You're going to tell me some stupid reason like you like her hair or her smile or some bullshit like that? "
Kazuya watched as Kibe clenched his fists tight but still he did not respond .
The red mist had already descended on Kazuya and so without hesitating even for a second , he got up , grabbed Kibe by the collar and muttered the words he knew would set everything on fire .
"You just want to sleep with her right? That's what this is all about . You're making up this whole thing about wanting to date her , but the truth is that you're just a sad , horny bastard ... "
Finally Kibe snapped and his hand flew upwards to punch Kazuya, but Kazuya was ready and so his fist hurtled towards Kibe's face .
Till Kuri stood up and yelled ,
"Shut the hell up , you two ".
They both froze immediately, anger was not an emotion they'd usually associate with Kuri, but the fury in his tone made them both stop .
"Shut the hell up and sit down ".
They stood like that for a minute, refusing for as long as they could , before giving in , Kazuya sneering as he let go of Kibe's collar .
The second that he did , he was punched in the gut . Hard . By Kuri .
"What the hell do you think ... ", Kazuya gasped, forced onto his seat , before Kuri spoke with deadly seriousness,
"You went too far Kazuya, you deserved that one".
Kuri grabbed a couple of drinks , put it in front of them and commanded,
"Drink " .
They stared fiercely at each other before draining their glasses .
This time they didn't lose their focus , they'd all been sobered by the rush of blood to their heads , but the alcohol helped take the edge off , just a little bit.
"Okay , now that we've all calmed down a bit " , Kuri began .
"Kibe , look man , clearly its weird that you suddenly want to date Ichinose.
So I think you should tell us why . Did you like her from the start or did something happen recently?"
Kibe turned his gaze to the empty glass , almost burning a hole in it , before he answered,
"There's nothing like that . It's just ... sudden ".
"Then take your sudden shit and ... ", Kazuya started again before Kuri stopped him with a stare .
They were all silent for a few minutes , then Kuri sighed before speaking
"Kibe, I don't think this came out of nowhere.
And I think I know why you're hesitating ".
Kibe turned back to Kuri in disbelief,his anger dissipating in front of their eyes as he asked,
"You too ? "
"Yeah , more or less ", Kuri answered before continuing
"Just tell him , man ".
Kibe glanced back and forth between Kazuya and Kuri , hesitating before finally turning back towards Kazuya.
"Kazuya, I'm not blaming you or anything, I want you to know I'm really happy for you ".
Something about the way he said it , the words he used , something about it ,gnawed at Kazuya , something about it ,just seemed familiar.
And then he realized.
"It's the same as Kuri "
"That day at your place ", Kibe begun .
"I felt like crap after that , after seeing you and Chizuru-san and ... something ...", Kibe stumbled over his words before swearing,
"Damn it ! I don't even know how to say this without sounding like a prick ".
He paused for a while ,gathering his thoughts , before he answered,
'" I'm sick and tired of being so damn ... lonely ...and miserable.
I want what you have man , what you and Chizuru-san have
I ... ", Kibe's voice trailed off but he had said enough.
More than enough.
That anger that had possessed Kazuya drained out of him , filling him ,instead, with guilt over his actions and concern for his friend.
But most off all he was filled with those haunting memories, those ghosts of the past, those comforters days and nights at his apartment , tantalizingly close to the woman he dreamed of but at the same time millions of miles away from her .
He remembered how lonely and miserable those nights had been.
He understood, he knew exactly what Kibe was feeling .
A deflated Kazuya sunk back on to his chair , staring blankly at Kibe .
"OK let's leave things here for a bit ", Kuri told them before calling the waiter over and ordering some food
It didn't take long for the food to arrive , Kuri and Kibe ate a bit , but Kazuya just sat there , not even looking at his plate .
After about twenty minutes of silence, the food was cleared and replaced with some more drinks and finally Kazuya moved , grabbing his glass and finishing it in a matter of seconds , before demanding a refill , which he got and immediately started to drink .
"You might want to slow down there a bit , buddy", a concerned Kuri told him .
Not paying heed to him , Kazuya finished off that glass as well before slamming it on the table .
This time it was Kibe who told him ,
"I already told you man , it's not your fault. There's nothing for you to feel guilty about .
You don't have to regret ... "
Kibe might have been talking but Kazuya was not listening , he was wrestling with his guilt .
"It doesn't matter ", he told himself .
"It doesn't matter if I made him feel like this, I can't let him confess to Chizuru.
I can't. "
"Why Ichinose ? ", Kazuya asked finally , interrupting Kibe .
"I already told you " .
"No , why specifically her ?
I get it , I know you were feeling like crap , but why do you want to ask Ichinose out ? Why not somebody else ? "
"Come on Kibe ", Kuri encouraged .
"There must have been a reason ".
This time Kibe closed his eyes and drained his glass before answering,
"Remember we saw her that morning ? The same day we went to Kazuya's place ? ".
Kuri nodded and Kibe continued,
"I don't know man , something about her just ... stuck in my head . She was looking so beautiful that day , I just saw her in a completely different light.
And after I got home that day , after seeing Chizuru-san, I just kept thinking about Ichinose and I had this weird , agonizing feeling ... almost like my mind was trying to tell me something .
I don't know , maybe it's just because they have the same name or something , but I couldn't stop thinking about Ichinose and I haven't been able to stop since then "
Kibe stopped and as his words hung over them, Kuri smiled and stated ,
"Well , that sounds all right to me .
What do you think , Kazuya ? "
Kazuya didn't respond , not because he was ignoring Kuri , but because he hadn't heard him .
As Kibe's words swum around his mind , Kazuya finally realized what this was about ,
"You damn idiot Kibe ! ", he swore , in his mind .
"He recognized Chizuru. Or at least sort of did . That's why he's fixated on Ichinose now . That's why she's stuck in his head , he's sort of figured it out .
For one fleeting moment, Kazuya considered telling Kibe the truth, making a clean break from the lies and telling them the truth about Ichinose.
He then dismissed it completely.
"No,I can't do that. Chizuru's identity is important to her , I can't tell them about it "
Kazuya's fist clamped around the glass of beer as he focused once again and continued to think,
"But this must mean that he doesn't really have feelings for Chizuru, he just thinks he does "
So as long as I push him away from this , he should give up .
But I have to be careful .
I can't just yell at him again, I have to be calm and logical
I have to push down these stupid feelings of guilt.
And end all this , right now ".
Kazuya took a few deep breaths ,thinking carefully before he spoke ,
"Kibe , first off man , I'm sorry for losing it back there, I really crossed the line ".
"It's fine ", Kibe waved him off and Kazuya continued,
"But are you really sure about Ichinose? I mean she's our friend right ? And that has to mean something
Remember what Kawanaka and Shinbo says about her , Ichinose isn't interested in dating . At all .
I know they tease her a lot but she seems firm about it and we should respect that right ?
I mean , she trusted us to be her friends . It isn't fair of us to turn around and ask her out now , is it? ".
It was then that Kazuya noticed that Kibe's fists had been balled up ,clearly he had been expecting something more aggressive from Kazuya , but the cold logic he'd displayed seemed to diffuse the tension as Kibe leaned back on his chair and sighed out loud .
"It's a fair point ", Kibe admitted.
"Yeah ", Kuri agreed .
"Ichinose was always hesitant to hang out with us in the first place , remember even at her birthday party , she wasn't pleased to see us.
And I noticed that she was a bit more friendly with Kazuya than us , probably because she knew about Chizuru-san and assumed Kazuya wouldn't make a move on her .
It's pretty obvious we're her only guy friends too , so ... "
Kuri trailed off , letting his comments hang in the air for a while.
Then Kazuya spoke, determined to hammer home the final nail ,
"Kibe , even you have to admit that Ichinose probably wouldn't want a boyfriend.
You have to know that she's going to turn you down .
So why ask at all ? Just leave things be , take a couple days off to get your head right and meanwhile me and Kuri will get to work, finding some other girl for you to ... "
"No ", Kibe interrupted .
He had spoken softly but his iron determination was not unnoticed by Kazuya.
"I know ", Kibe admitted.
"I know that she's going to turn me down .
But it doesn't matter , I have to ask her.
I have to ... because this frustration in me , this ... will only get worse ".
Kibe stopped before looking Kazuya in the eyes and continuing ,
"You know what this feels like , don't you Kazuya.
I'm sure you felt the same way .
You must have, when you wanted to confess to Chizuru-san. You must have felt the same way , you must have been sure that you were going to fail , but you did it anyway.
That's exactly how I feel now .
Even if she rejects me , it's fine .
But I have to try ".
And once again Kazuya was enveloped in those memories and feelings of the past, of the time when he'd been determined to confess to Chizuru, with an almost obsessive determination, a part of him almost hoping that it would all come to an end , just so that those feelings wouldn't burst out of his chest .
Kibe was right , Kazuya had felt that way .
And in that moment, as Kibe looked at Kazuya almost daring him to disagree, to find fault ...
In that moment, Kazuya was left powerless .
The Next Morning,
Kazuya heard something, some innocuous little sound, a sound that pulled him back into consciousness, out of the dreamless, heavy haze he'd been in
And as it did , a blinding headache pierced him , seeming to burn his eyes as he tried to open them ,before pounding relentlessly at his skull .
He groaned as he sat up , blinking rapidly , eyes watering , the bright sunlight adding to the agony.
And then he felt a soft hand grasp his .
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you ".
The voice was soft too . Pleasant. Comforting. Familiar.
He felt the hand momentarily grasp his a little tighter, before it flew up to his forehead for just a second.
"You don't have a fever ,but you seem to be in bad shape ", the voice mused .
"Bad headache ? ", she guessed .
Kazuya nodded slowly and heard her sigh ,before he felt her pressing something into his hand.
"That's why I left this aspirin for you last night".
Coaxed by her , he swallowed the tablet and drank the water that she provided .
He knew he was in his apartment, but he could not remember getting back here , all he could remember was drinking and drinking and drinking.
"Geez , I'm not letting you go with them for at least another month ", she scolded him .
He smiled instinctively, her concern was comforting .
"I wish I could stay,but I'm getting late for class",she told him, quite unhappily before promising ,
"I'll be back by 2 : 30 "
Kazuya nodded gratefully and felt her squeeze his hand once again.
Chizuru then gently pushed him back down , encouraging him to go back to sleep before closing the door and leaving .
The effect of the last night's alcohol was too powerful, Kazuya could not fight against its pull but just before he succumbed to it, he felt the weight of horrible shame filling his heart again.
Kazuya finally woke up at around 1 pm , he made his bed, he brushed, he showered and he changed , all while carrying the heaviness in his heart , the impending doom that was going to happen , that he had chosen not to stop .
He just about managed to control himself, till he felt thirsty and opened the fridge.
There he found a container and a sticky note stuck to it which said ,
"Made some sandwiches for you , enjoy "
She had drawn a smiley face at the end of it .
And that was the last straw .
Kazuya's legs lost its strength, he fell to the floor as he stared at that silly happy face that she'd drawn , as he imagined her smile, as he thought about what was going to happen.
Kibe was going to wait till her classes over , then he would ask her .
He would ask her
To be his girlfriend.
Urgent panic seized Kazuya and he turned away from the fridge and ran to his phone, desperate to stop this .
But as soon as he had his phone in his hand, his strength faltered.
He heard Kibe's voice in his head , the last words he'd spoken before they'd split up last night ,
"Kazuya I know you don't want me to do this but I'm going to .
And I need you to keep your word . Even if you think that I'm being a jerk by asking Ichinose, you can't tell her or the others anything.
You swore that you wouldn't man , and I'm holding you to that. "
Kazuya's hand lost its grip and his phone slid back to the table.
He didn't know what to do .
He couldn't go back on his word . He had sworn to Kibe that he wouldn't say anything . Even if that promise was made before he knew what it was about , it didn't change anything.
His word was important to him , his promises were genuine , and his friendship, his almost brotherhood with Kibe depended on him keeping his word .
But what was more important, what was infinitely more precious to him was Chizuru.
He couldn't stomach the thought of letting someone, anyone, else to say those words to him .
She was his girlfriend .
Kazuya wasn't just caught between a rock and a hard place , he was being crushed between two mountains, caught between two people that were important to him , trying to make a choice that would undoubtedly hurt one of those people.
He couldn't make the choice, he was indeed powerless .
He buried his head in his shaking hands , desperately pleading for an answer , for any kind of solution.
And then, out of nowhere, an old memory surfaced ,
Just over a year ago , at a café where Chizuru had accused him of falling for her , a claim that he had just about managed to deny .
But that was not what his mind focused on , it was what she'd said after he denied that he had feelings.
She had told him to be professional and act like an adult, she had swept away the matter like it was nothing , in a completely unperturbed manner .
"That's it right ? ", Kazuya asked himself .
"Back then Chizuru didn't have feelings for me . So it didn't matter to her whether I liked her or not , she was ready to turn me down in a heartbeat.
And ... "
Another memory surfaced, his mind seemingly only too glad to provide them .
"Umi asked her out , she told me that. She rejected him and they're still friends .
And Kibe and Kuri are getting suspicious, I hadn't even realized it but they've picked up on the fact that we're close. And if iI kick up a storm now , they'll suspect us even more
So this is okay , right ? ", he reasoned .
"Chizuru must be used to rejecting guys all the time, Kibe won't be any different, even if she's friendly with him .
And ultimately the one who's feeling bad about is me , it's just my pride that's hurt .
Besides, if I stopped Kibe ... "
Kazuya clutched his heart as he reminded himself,
"How many times did I feel like I would burst if I didn't tell Chizuru how I felt. I kept it in for so long and I felt like I would burst Till I got to the point where I was ready to confess even if it meant getting shot down .
Kibe is at that place now. He needs to get it out , he needs to be shot down .
That's the only way this all gets over.
This is what's best for everyone ".
Even as he tried to convince himself , his conscience pricked at him .
He was fully aware that this was the easy way out .
"But ... ", he told himself.
"It's the only way left for me ".
He picked up his phone again and checked the time ,
Just after 2 .
Chizuru was probably walking out of her class
Kibe would ask her , any time now .
And as much as Kazuya wanted to pick up the phone and stop this ...
He was powerless.
He put the phone back down and waited .
It only took fifteen minutes before Kazuya heard footsteps coming up the creaky stairs.
"I should apologize to her ", he thought as the door opened behind him .
He was about to turn around when he was suddenly seized with fear.
Suddenly he couldn't bear to turn around.
Maybe it was his shame , maybe he had picked up on that which he did not realize yet , but he couldn't turn around.
He heard the soft footsteps, approach him till they stopped just behind him .
And then he heard Chizuru ask ,
"Did you know? "
Her voice was perfect, the right tone , the right volume , everything seemed right with it.
But Kazuya knew what was wrong.
It was too perfect.
"But that means ... ", he began to realize as he forced himself to turn around.
And he saw white hot rage in her eyes.
He realized that she was holding herself back , giving him the benefit of the doubt till he answered.
And Kazuya froze, consumed by fear .
"I asked if you knew ", she asked again.
Kazuya desperately tried to fight the urge to respond ,but once again... he was powerless .
Slowly he nodded .
He saw her eyes widening not in shock but anger , he watched her take a deep breath and close her eyes .
And just as her eyes closed , he saw the slightest shimmer in them.
But when they opened , they were filled with rage once again .
Chizuru turned and walked out .
A/N : Kazuya debates over the 2 evils when confronted with an impossible choice and ends up making the wrong call , leaving Chizuru understandably hurt , something which Kazuya failed to consider while choosing the option he thought would be best for everyone .
The story takes a difficult turn , Kazuya and Chizuru will be tested .
Next time : Kazuya tries to talk to a furious Chizuru before he receives unlikely counsel.