Carlisle
It was sudden.
The connection.
The Love.
The thirst.
Carlisle felt his eyes darken, he tasted the poison in his mouth, ready at any time to disperse in the body in front of him. The scent of her blood caught him unexpectedly, but it would probably have thrown him off course as well if he had been abstinent for 2,000 years instead of 300.
It took him a few seconds to collect himself and he shook off the excessive urge as best he could.
How could Alice not have seen it? Seen her?
The woman in front of him whimpered and it broke his heart, immediately he felt his throat constrict and he was glad that he did not need air. Instinctively he barked orders and was immediately in his doctor mode, yet his hand wandered as if remote-controlled on the sweaty forehead of his patient.
His soul.
His mate.
Thanks to his supernatural hearing, he could overhear a phone call from a corner of the room.
"Alex. Exactly. No, it looks bad, Dr. Snow is taking care of him right now. He was with his girlfriend ... Lily .. in the car. "
Immediately he sucked in the information and only one name buzzed in his mind.
Lily.
Even in his mind it sounded heavenly.
He noticed that her oxygen saturation was dropping and panic overcame him. She needed to live. He needed her to live. How should he change her here, how should he fool the others. She had to live, at least for now.
"Everything will be fine, Lily."
It was strange how calm his voice sounded when there was a wild fire burning inside him and he almost lost his mind. Immediately he could hear the breath that was eagerly swallowed by her and he felt an at least momentary relief.
Carlisle watched the nurses as they opened the door and immediately instructed them to give her a dose of morphine. Lily's eyelids flickered and he held his breath.
When she hestitantly opened them again, he gasped as he stared into a mixture of colors. They were the most beautiful shades of blue and green that he could imagine.
It was indescribable.
He recognized every hue, every nuance and was about to lose himself. Never ever in his existence had he seen such rich colours.
She was unable to focus, as the pain held her firmly under control and no doubt the shock did the rest.
Immediately he hissed further instructions. He had to save her, he had to make her feel better.
Carlilse knew it was fate. It had to be. That could not be a coincidence. He became a doctor only to save his mate. It must have been fate.
Her heartbeat got weaker and weaker and he touched her cheek carefully in silent despair.
The feeling that rushed through his body was indescribable.
At first it was a static shock, not painful but strong. Then the warmth spread down his arm into his body and suddenly the burning thirst was gone.
It was replaced by something completely different, something that was even more powerful.
Desire.
He gently pressed her head in his direction, he had to look into her eyes one more time.
He had to admire the colours again.
"You have to stay awake, please."
He was very well aware that his tone sounded pleading and was glad that the surrounding noises were so loud that he could not be heard by anyone but her.
Suddenly she opened her eyes and he saw her gaze sharpen after a few moments. She stared at him with an almost horrified look and he could hear her heartbeat stuttering angrily. She let out a breath and Carlisle both hoped and feared that she would soon turn away.
Her gaze was so penetrating that Carlisle was sure she would see into his nonexistent soul. Her chest still wasn't moving and Carlisle was getting more and more nervous.
"Lily, you have to breathe!"
Her reaction wasn't as hoped, her eyelids quickly sagged and Carlisle gasped. He immediately issued the order for an immediate operation and an urgently needed blood transfusion. His gaze never left her, and even when Dr. Snow pointed out that the second patient, Alexander Johnson, would apparently not make it unless he left her side. He couldn't and didn't want to. Not while she needed him. By now he would let the whole world burn, just to save her. A thought, so foreign, that it scared him.
His mind raced and he wanted Alice by his side.
Would she make it? Could he get her away unobserved in time to transform her? Would she forgive him if he did? Would she survive it?
The thought of transforming her was so tempting and at the same time he prayed that he didn't have to. He could not damned her to this existence. But surely, a creature pure as her couldn't be damned.
It was absurd how quickly she had shaken his innermost being. No matter what he felt up to now, the love for his family, the affection for his friends, the devotion to his patients, faded in the blink of an eye to the feeling, the urge, the attraction he felt for this human. She was everything.
As he watched her eyes twitch frantically under the closed lids, his insides roared to take her, to bite her, to mark her.
His appearance did not reveal anything of the commotion and the blood that was pumped through her veins was almost repulsive to him. It just wasn't right. There was no thirst for her blood, just a thirst for... her. Even in the short time he had known her, her scent burned inside him. He would recognize it among thousands, never forget it and it would never lose its effect on him - that he was certain. The operation went good, more than good. Of course he was focused, as always, and did good. So now he stood before her and watched her. He was sure that was one thing, he would never get bored of.
Suddenly her heartbeat changed, the calming rhythm became a little restless and she moved. She was about to wake up and Carlisle felt a mixture of anticipation and utter panic.
She took a deep breath and he made an imperceptible grimace. Her ribs were bruised and deep breaths were not a good idea. Her eyes opened briefly and then closed again immediately. Even in this fraction of a second he could see brilliant blue and he was sure that if he had a heart - it would pound wildly in his chest. Her gaze slid across the room and he couldn't stand the wait.
He wanted her attention, he craved it. He cleared his throat and immediately regretted it when her breath got caught and her heartbeat swelled. Immediately he raised his arms soothingly, just the thought that she, his mate, his everything, could be afraid of him, was unbearable. He whispered as gently as he could that everything was fine and her pulse immediately calmed down. He proudly listened to the rhythm that was now steady again.
He had done it, he had calmed her down.
He had to say something, but what? He had to pronounce her name, it was so heavy on the tongue, no matter how often he said it out loud in front of the nurses.
"Do you know where you are, Lily?
Her name wasn't a word, not a name, it was a sound.
A feeling.
A warm summer day when the air smelled sweet and the sun was warm.
It sounded right, like he was ment to say it.
She looked at him and he suddenly felt insecure.
What did she think? Immediately he wished for Edward's abilities, what would he do to hear her thoughts, to learn about her interests, her feelings.
"In the hospital?"
Even if her voice was still rough and unused from sleep, it was like music to his ears. She was his siren song and he felt the monster inside him, which begged him to attack her. To take them with you, to hide them - from the whole world. It was his and no one else's. It was meant for him.
His thoughts were wild and uninhibited. They were barbaric and so foreign that he didn't recognize them. But they coincided with the feeling what seized his body. For centuries he had perfected his self-control and now it was broken down by just one human.
Automatically he moved to the cup of water and handed it to her. She swallowed and he listened, fascinated, to the noises coming from her throat. A grin spread across his lips and he heard her heartbeat which swelled up again.
He stared at her in awe, she was truly bewitching.
She looked into his eyes and again he lost himself in the deep blue that was staring at him. Her eyes looked tired and bloodshot, a few scratches adorned their flawless face, which not even the most talented artist could draw, and his heart broke for her. Why did she have to suffer that much.
He cleared his throat, it had been quiet too long. Again he was faced with the question of what to say. How should he start, how should he talk to her without revealing his secret. He didn't mean his vampiric nature, but rather the fact that he was meant for her. Because one thing was clear, she was his fate. That he was sure about. She had to be.
He was hers and she was his.
Completely.
Carlisle went back to his repertoire and introduced himself. He asked what he must have said thousands of times over the centuries. It sounded unnatural and ridiculous to talk to her in such a neutral tone. But he had to keep himself in check. At least for now.
She stared at him for a moment and remembered. She talked about the accident and about Alex. A name that pierced his chest like a dagger and left nothing but pain.
"Where is Alex?"
Carlisle didn't know which was worse. The fact that his mate, the first and last love he should ever know, belonged to someone else or that he had to tell her that that very person was dead.
He shared the news he was afraid of and could hear her heart break. Her sobs were heartbreaking and Carlisle felt every spark of her pain as if it was his own. Seeing her like that was pure agony.
Her pulse was racing and her breaths were too little, far too little. Panicked, she sat up and Carlisle was out of control. Far too quickly he moved to her side and pushed her back into the upholstery. It cost him all of the self-control he had to limit his contact to the hand on her shoulder.
Just as he was about to pull his hand away, he felt her warm, damp fingers clinging desperately to his. His stomach contracted, the joy he felt at the contact was swept away by the despair and helplessness and he was glad that at that moment a nurse came along who had obviously heard the alarm. Immediately he hissed at her that she had to prepare the pain reliever as soon as possible.
He knew he would have to break off contact soon. He'd been touching her for far too long and no doubt the nurse would notice. Suddenly Carlisle hated the attention he unwillingly attracted, he hated the curious and longing looks, he hates to be watched.
The pulse returned to normal and the pain medication unfolded. He heard her breathing, how it became more and more even, and pulled his hand away. Immediately his body missed the contact and he wanted nothing more than to touch her again.
It was the first time that he left her side. Even if he hadn't always been in her room, he was mostly close enough to at least be able to guess her scent. He knew he would have to go home someday. His overtime would be noticed sooner or later and even if he had to lie down in the rest room for 5 hours, excruciating 5 hours that he spent longing for her, he would have to leave at some point.
He waited until she fell asleep and ended his shift, which had now lasted 36 hours.
Leaving the hospital was one of the hardest things he'd ever done.
He stared morosely at the wall.
His eyes were glued on the clock and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get distracted. Jasper tried to lighten his mood but failed again and again. Alice was still sour that she didn't see Lily coming, but was still pleased that Carlisle had finally found his mate after all this time. Frustrated, she answered his incessant questions until she shrugged him off. There were just too many unanswered questions, too many options. She could not see a thing.
It was hard to tell who was more frustrated . Alice or Carlisle. Or Edward. Carlisle kept sending the younger vampire apologetic thoughts. He knew he was slowly driving Edward crazy, at least until Edward gave up and withdrew into the woods.
Emmett and Esme were almost more happy than he was, and even Rosalie had to smile at his enthusiasm too.
It was not surprising that he was granted his luck. Carlisle knew his family loved him, and he knew they all had good hearts. He was glad to have them and thanked God every day that he had been granted such a family that saved him from his loneliness.
But now there was a completely different feeling. One that filled the longing he had ignored for almost 400 years. He was lonely despite the 6 vampires in his life. Now he had got an idea of what it meant to find his other half. To feel love, devotion and excitmend. And he wanted more. He longed for the feeling of completion, it was like a drug. It dominated his mind, his body, everything.
Even if the others had no doubt that they would sooner or later welcome Lily as a new member of the family, it was in Carlisle's nature to be careful. He just couldn't understand how someone like him,cursed and damned, got something as pure and noble as her.
The clock jumped and he ran as fast as he could to his Mercedes. Behind him he heard his family laughing about his eagerness but he couldn't care less.
He raced down the street and was glad that nobody was out on the streets this early. With a screeching halt he flew into his parking lot and was half an hour early. It wouldn't surprise anyone, Dr. Cullen was conscientious and reliable. It was not uncommon for him to come earlier and stay longer.
Alice had warned him that Lily's frustration and pain could possibly be discharged on him. Still, nothing could prepare him for the agony he felt in his chest as she glared at him angrily.
He had to take it slow, his family had always emphasized that to him. His experience with such things was limited to nonexistent. He had never been interested in someone in a romantic way, had never felt the urge to be more than friends with a woman or a man. There may be others like him, who engage in such activities altough they have not yet find their mate but Carlisle never cared for such things. Maybe it was his upbringing, as a son of a clergyman. Or his believes that belonged to another century, that the love between a man and a woman was sacred and special. There were times, where he had thought there was something wrong with him.
Until now.
He knew it, he could feel it in every fibre of his being. He knew about mates, about the finality about it. Marcus had lost his mate and still, thousand years later, he felt the pain and the agony. He would never find another, he would never be happy again. Carlisle knew those thingt but she did not.
The awareness that she was the one, the one meant for him, was one-sided.
She had no idea. Maybe she felt something, but she would not know its meaning.
On top of that, she had just gone through not only a serious injury that would probably carry her the rest of her human life with her, but also a devastating loss.
He had to stay away, even if it cost him everything. He could not march in, present himself as her soulmate and expect them to live a happy ending. As much as he wanted to do exactly that. He had to be subtle, at least as best he could.
From Alice he had at least received hints, topics that he should stay away from, reactions that he had to reckon with. It helped. Not much, but it helped. Alice stories, her visions. He couldn't get enough of it. With every word he felt this mystery slowly becoming a reality. And now it was up to him.
He kept his distance for the next few weeks, he didn't always make it.
Sometimes his feet led him to her room and there was nothing he could do about it. His self-control crumbled and he stood in front of her bed. Most of the time he waited until she slept.
She had only seen him once.
He was sure she thought he was a trick of her imagination. And yet when she saw him it was almost as if he wanted to be seen. As if he wanted to be confronted with it. He finally wanted to tell her. He wanted to end the charade, even if he suspected that she would run away from him screaming - she should.
But Alice kept telling him to keep his distance and he was left with nothing other to do than to trust in her. He didn't want to know what the reason was. He didn't want to know if and how much Lily loved her deceased boyfriend. He couldn't stand it, his petrified heart would shatter thousands of pieces.
So he had to keep his distance.
Until he was in the bookstore and bought all of Harry Potter's volumes.
In duplicate.
For her and him.
At first he thought about getting a head start and reading the first books and then giving them to her, but then he was so taken with the idea of reading together with her - albeit spatially separated - that he bought them twice. He would then have something to talk about, he would then have more excuses to talk to her, be near her, watch her.
He thought back to when they had talked, his infallible memory remembering every word and sound she made. The memory alone was powerful enough that he felt a surge of happiness and heartfelt joy as he thought of how playfully she was teasing him.
He remembered his laugh, he remembered his own laugh surprised him.
She had changed his life with nothing but her very existence and didn't even know it.