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Lily
She stared at the roof, puzzled.
She could have sworn some clapboard was missing.
She was at the river for a maximum of half an hour to fetch water. How?
Finally she sighed and shook her head. Maybe her thoughts were just playing a trick on her.
She hadn't set foot in the cabin for over a year, when she was 12 she had found it and noticed that the hunters who had been using it during the hunting season had stopped coming. Either they had found something better or the game population was no longer worth it, which is more likely. After all, her father's drink tirades were too much and she moved in.
The hut consisted of a one window room with bunks in it and an old cast iron stove. The mattress was so dirty that sit took half a day to get rid of the dust.
When she'd met Alex and finally given in to his wooing, she'd shown him her cabin.
She still remembered the day like it was yesterday. It was more of a last resort because she was sure if he saw how she lived he would laugh at her and ran. He would never speak to her again and the whole school would be laughing with him.
But he didn't.
Alex didn't laugh.
In fact, the first thing he did was dismantle the unstable loft bed and convert it into a single bed. He repaired the roof, the stove hood, the window.
He didn't judge for one second.
On the contrary, he stayed with her as often as he could. It was only when winter came that he began to talk more and more about her living with him. The cabin was ideal for the summer months, but the winters were brutal, it just wasn't built for that, why should it be. It served its purpose in the spring and late summer month. There was no use in winter to hunt for game, not in this area. Finally she gave in and she moved in with him.
His parents were skeptical at first, but Alex didn't change his mind. That was something that was so typical of Alex.
He stood by her no matter what the others said.
It didn't matter to him what the others thought - he knew what he was thinking and that was enough for him.
Lily sighed shakily. The thought of him pained her heart and she still felt the mourning as if it had been yesterday. His absence now became clearer and clearer and the certainty that he would never come back was so terrible that she immediately rejected it.
She stared at the writing Alex had written on the door.
Magicbus
It was from his favorite book, Into the Wild. He must have read it a hundred times and when she read it, he stared spellbound at her face and kept asking about the chapters. She knew he admired the young man and also pittied him. Alex could never have left everything behind, he loved his family and friends far too much for that.
But nonetheless, he admired him for his courage to follow his dreams, no matter what.
They had made plans over and over again to do a road trip across the USA. Maybe visit a few places from the book.
Completely independent and free. Sleep in the car, hike around, stay whereever they want to. She swallowed the thought with difficulty. Those memories weren't the best place to be right now, that much was clear.
Finally she began to shake out the blankets and mattresses as best she could. The weather thwarted her and she decided it was better to sleep on a dusty mattress than a wet one.
More than she would have liked, her thoughts drifted off to a certain person and she shook her head angrily.
How was it possible that it hurt as much as losing Alex? How did it happen that this doctor became so important to her?
He made it clear that he wasn't thinking about her. Why should she waste a second thinking about him?
Again and again she found herself thinking of his honey-colored eyes, the kind look and the irresistible smile.
It broke her heart every time.
It was more than that. So much more.
Even at her age, she knew that a person like him wasn't standing at every corner.
There was a way about him that was so unique and alluring that Lily couldn't compare it. When he talked to her, it was like she was the most important person in the world. As if her thoughts matter. As if she mattered.
He looked at her as if she were the most fascinating thing he had ever seen. Nobody could pretend that. At least she had thought that. Or hoped. Could it be that she had been so wrong?
She stared at the cash in front of her. It would probably be enough for a couple of weeks, but she had to pay for the medication, which means it would be much scarcer.
She didn't know what she would do then.
Asking for money was one thing she wouldn't do, she'd starve to death. But she could still worry about it then. One crisis after another, Alex's mother always said.
Her leg would also make it very difficult to find a job, especially one with her education. Or rather, her lack of it. She felt the tiredness rise in her, the walk from the hospital to the hut was long and arduous, especially the way through the forest. The rain had softened the forest floor so much that her crutch kept getting stuck and she didn't think just once about throwing it away.
She stuck a big piece of wood in the stove and hoped that it would hold out at least until midnight. She carefully lay down on the mattress. Her leg hurt again and she knew it shouldn't.
But what should she have done?
If she had taken a taxi, she would have no money to eat or medicine.
She stared at the ceiling and remembered the nights with Alex.
Alex.
Alex would never have left her behind.
Never.
Lily had to swallow and felt a tear work its way down her temple.
She missed him.
She missed him so much it took her breath away.
Why did he have to die and why did she stay alive.
And why couldn't she stop thinking about Carlisle.
Even under all the pain, under all the sadness, he was still there.
As if her subconscious was always digging it out and presenting it to her. But why? She was not someone who ran after people, who can't accept rejection. But this one was tough. She knew he did not like her that way, she knew, that he had only pretended to help her healing, to keep her emotions in check. So why can't she let go of him?
And what did she expect?
Why should he think about her for a second?
What was she to him besides a patient?
Why shouldn't he go, it was his right.
A pattern was emerging in her life. Everyone left. Her mother, her father, her friends, Alex and now Dr. Cullen.
The only constant was she. Maybe she was cursed. Maybe she was meant to be alone.
Her eyelids became heavier and she felt the sleep draw closer and closer.
Suddenly she opened her eyes.
There it was.
A knock.
Her tired brain immediately thought of Alex and hope was instantly overwhelmed with grief.
Alex would never knock on her door again.
Reluctantly, she threw off the thick blanket and straightened up.
There was another knock.
She looked uncertainly at the poker next to the stove. At least she couldn't know who it was.
Maybe it was Chief Swan who found her and wanted to see if everything was okay. The thought calmed her racing heart only minimally and finally she grabbed the heavy iron and hobbled to the door.
The lock wasn't massive, if someone wanted to get in, they could. So there was no point in ignoring the knocking. She stopped at the door handle and unlocked it. When she opened the door she gasped.
The sight had lost nothing of its effect.
His blonde hair was soaked but still lay perfectly. His cheekbones, concise and noble, his elegant long nose and his perfectly curved mouth. The lavender dark circles.
And his eyes.
Darker than usual and with an expression that would tear her heart apart if it weren't already broken.
"Dr. Cullen? "
She stared at the figure in front of her in disbelief.
A thousand thoughts raced through her head. She didn't even want to begin with the feelings.
What was he doing here?
How did he know where she was? Nobody knew the hut, nobody except Alex.
He looked dejected and she was annoyed that his appearance struck a chord. She felt her heartbeat pounding in her ears and her body react immediately.
Apparently her subconscious didn't care that he just left and took the pieces of her broken heart with him. It didn't matter that he obviously didn't feel anyhting for her.
She swallowed furiously.
She hated herself for her stupidity, and she hated that she couldn't even be mad at him.
"Lily."
Her name sounded more like a prayer and she could feel her cheeks getting hot.
Lily swallowed.
If he didn't look so gorgeous, she would slam the door right in his face, but something in her was holding her back and it had little to do with his looks.
"What do you want here."
He stared at her puzzled as if he'd just asked himself that. His fingers played with the hem of his shirt and she suddenly noticed how inappropriately he was dressed for the weather.
He was also completely soaked. He had to freeze but his body didn't seem to mind.
On the contrary, he stood across from her as if he didn't even notice the cold.
"May I come in?"
Lily wanted to say yes immediately but something was holding her back. Suspicion crept up inside her and she narrowed her eyes.
"Why?"
He visibly sagged and his shoulders went down, a gesture that made a heartbreaking sight with his bloodshot eyes. It hurt to look at it.
The pain ran through her and she had to pull herself together not to give in.
"I would like to talk to you. I can explain everything. Please."
She should probably have been afraid, a man was standing in front of her door in the middle of the forest, without a jacket, without a car. Only with an expensive shirt, trousers and even more expensive leather shoes.
It reminded her of a serial killer.
But, strangely, she wasn't afraid.
On the contrary.
Her otherwise so infallible instinct pushed her to him and recognized in him a kind of security that she could not explain.
Her wait made him restless and he knitted his brows together, his perfectly formed brows.
It was unfair.
How should she stand a chance when a greek god was standing at her door and wanted to speak to her?
Finally she nodded and was surprised at how easy it was for her to give in. She stepped aside and he walked into the warmth of the hut in one fluid movement.
The rain was dripping from his chin Lily's fingers twitched.
What was wrong with her?
"Well?"
Her voice was hard, she'd trained it well, but she didn't expect him to flinch. And she certainly hadn't expected the guilt that his reaction made her feel.
She limped to her bed and sat on it with my arms crossed. Her tiredness was masked by her curiosity, although she still felt the urge to rest in her body and her knee throbbed uncomfortably.
He let his gaze wander around the room, but it didn't seem to her that he actually perceived his surroundings. It was more like he had to collect himself.
Finally he looked at her leg and opened his mouth. Immediately he closed it and shook his head. Apparently he was wondering if he should say something. Finally he raised his voice again.
"You should put your leg up."
She still felt the throbbing in her knee and knew he was right. How could he not, after all, he was a doctor. Although she wanted to make him industrious, her common sense prevailed and she put her leg on the bed.
He breathed out and in again with relief. His eyes darkened again and Lily wondered again what this strange, actually physically impossible reaction was from him.
"There is no offer in Boston."
He said that as if that explained everything. As if that explains his behavior. Lily cocked her head.
What should she do with the information?
He seemed nervous and she couldn't remember the last time she had seen him like this or if she had ever seen him like this. Lily considered saying something, but remained silent. After all, he had a need for explanation, not her. In addition, her head began to throb uncomfortably.
"The reason we have to go away-"
"So you actually are going to leave."
She couldn't help it. She stared at him in disbelief. He had come all the way here to break her heart one more time? Why?
Immediately he shook his head.
"No! I mean yes, actually, but you have to understand- "
"I do not have to do anything. Why are you here? To rub it in my face? "
The anger that rose in Lily was overwhelming.
She fell for it twice in one day. Twice.
He shook his head again and sighed.
How can anyone be so stupid. How could she actually believe that he was her knight on the white horse? That he would save her.
"Why then? Or did you still have some time and thought - Hey, let's take a look at the naive nursing case and have a laugh. "
Her voice was harsh and when she saw the look on his face she regretted her words. He looked like she'd hit him and she immediately fell silent.
"I would never laugh at you, Lily."
He stared at her and finally she sighed.
She believed him, to her surprise.
She knew she was wronging him, but looking at him hurt so much that she couldn't help it. She had to let out her pain somehow.
"Why are you here?"
"To explain it to you."
"Explain what? That you have to leave for some inexplicable reason? "
"Yes, that too."
"What else? What? How did you even find me? "
He seemed to weigh his words and looked perplexed. He was still standing rooted to the far end of the hut. It was almost as if he really wanted to give some space, but why? Lily couldn't figure it out and her head hurt. The day had been long, too long, and she was tired.
"I ... I'm not who you think I am."
Suddenly he looked incredibly sad and Lily was almost heartbroken. She didn't want to see him like that, no matter how angry she was with him.
"You're married."
His head snapped up and he stared at her in confusion, as if it was utterly absurd to assume such a thing.
"No, of course not."
"Then what?"
"I am not good for you."
Lily snorted.
"It's not me it's you? Is that it?"
She hated clichés.
"This time it's true."
"Carlisle, it's late. I'm tired, I'm hungry, my leg hurts. Even if it doesn't look like it, I have more important things to do than guessing why I'm not good enough for you. "
Her voice was firm and angry at first, but subsided like a storm that grew weaker. She almost whispered the last sentence and again a pained expression spread over his fine features.
"You're not ... no Lily, you don't understand." He sounded desperate and his eyes sparkled treacherously moist.
"WHAT? What do I not understand?"
Her patience was running out.
As if the fact that he was in fact leaving was bad enough, as if her overall situation wasn't hopeless enough, now she had to discuss with him why exactly he didn't want her and why he had to leave. His eyes raced across the room and she could see that he was slowly giving up.
"I am a vampire."
His voice was so low that she almost couldn't hear it. He looked at the floor as if afraid of her reaction. She stared at him with her mouth open.
Suddenly she laughed.
His eyes found hers and she saw the bright yellow ocher in them again.
"Carlisle. You don't have to justify why you are leaving. It's actually none of my business. "
"No I am serious."
He looked at her like she was mad. Him, who said he was a vampire. Lily thought that that was the worst excuse she'd ever heard.
"You are a vampire."
He nodded again and looked confused.
"With blood, sun, bats and capes and everything."
Carlisle apparently understood that she wasn't taking him seriously.
"Just blood. Some actually wear cloaks. "
He said it casually, like it was the most normal thing in the world. She rubbed her hands on her pants.
"Good. Thank you for the information."
"You do not believe me."
His voice was serious and Lily became frustrated.
"No. Of course I don't believe you! "
Who would believe such nonsense, she thought to herself. As if it was even possible that someone like him was such a sinister creature.
"May I prove it to you?"
He approached her cautiously, as if she were about to back away from fear.
As if she could ever be afraid of him.
Reluctantly he took her hand and she did not flinch. The touch triggered something in her that she immediately wanted to forget. His fingers were cold as always, but the contact was so comfortable that she couldn't break it.
He knelt next to her and still towered over her.
His closeness made her heart pound in her ears and she could feel the blood rushing to her cheeks.
Reluctantly he brought her hand to his chest and Lily caught her breath. His body was as cold as his hands.
And it was hard. Very hard. As if it were made of stone.
She stared at her hand, her mind racing.
Suddenly she thought of all the things that seemed off about him. The feeling of his body, his eyes which were almost black, his scent that surrounded him.
Something yelled at her.
Something was wrong.
Her brow furrowed and her hand pressed tighter against his chest. She drove a little to the right and to the left and searched. She desperately looked for a heartbeat.
But she didn't find one.
It took a few seconds until she pulled her hand away again, even if her subconscious grumbled unhappily. After a few moments her eyes found his and she felt her chest tighten.
The look she couldn't read disappeared and was replaced by a worried look.
"Lily."
She leaned back and felt her head go light.
"Lily! You have to breathe. "
He seemed to be torn between whether it would be better to give her distance or to stay with her, but finally he took her hand and pressed her shoulder into the mattress. His touch calmed her immediately and she felt the breath flood her lungs.
"You are a vampire?"
Her voice sounded weak and strange. She said it to herself rather than to him.
He nodded.
"Yes."
His voice sounded so sad it tore her heart apart. She sat up again and pressed himself against his hand on her shoulder. Her heart was still racing but she could at least breathe.
"But ... you work in a hospital?"
He stared at her puzzled and only now did she realize how unimportant this question was. Much more important was what he was doing here with her.
"I want to help people. My family and I ... we drink animal blood. "
Lily didn't know why, but she believed him.
She believed every word. There was something about him, something that made you immediately trust him.
It was unnerving.
"So ... I'm not a midnight snack?"
She couldn't help it.
She had to use humor to make the situation more bearable. It was her protection that she needed to keep from losing her mind. It worked and he laughed out loud. Although it wasn't that long ago, she had forgotten what it sounded like.
It was like a symphony.
He shook his head and the rain was still dripping down from his hair.
"No."
He looked at her piercingly when he suddenly stopped. He turned his head to the door as if he had heard something.
"Rose brought something to eat."
"Rose?"
Eat. Food.
As if on cue, her stomach answered and growled greedily. As if he hadn't noticed the drama that was going on.
A smile spread on his lips and she melted away.
It was so easy for him.
It was so easy to let him lull her back, it was so easy to believe that she meant something to him. He was like a drug and the more she got, the more she wanted, no matter the consequences.
He got up and opened the door.
In front of the door was the tallest man Lily had ever seen.
He was gigantic.
His shoulders were broad and even Carlisle, who was more than well built, lost his effect next to him. The only thing that didn't really fit the appearance was his grin.
The grin which was accompanied by two dimples and immediately made him look lovable.
He ignored Carlisle and beamed at her like she was the most interesting thing he had ever seen.
"Somebody is hungry here!"
He held up a bag in triumph.
"Finally give him the food, Emmett."
A woman appeared behind the bear.
Woman was not the right word.
It was a goddess.
Lily's mouth fell open and she stared blatantly at the beauty.
It was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. She looked at Lily with a bored look, but Lily could see more behind it. She was interested too, only she didn't show it as obviously as the bear in the doorway.
"How do you like the roof?"
The deep voice vibrated in the little hut and she looked at him questioningly. After a few moments, she finally found her voice.
"It is great?"
Inwardly she groaned at how rough and weak her voice sounded compared to these gods.
Immediately a happy expression spread on his childish features and he proudly stuck out his muscular chest.
"I fixed it."
His voice sounded the same as if he'd just said he'd found the cure for cancer.
"Thanks."
She gave him a slightly nervous smile and he was immediately embarrassed. He leaned against the door frame and waved casually, as if he hadn't proudly boasted a second ago.
"Never mind."
"Thanks Emmett, Rosalie. That was very nice of you. "
Carlisle's voice was soft and bright compared to the bearish rumble. He took the meal from Emmett who looked a little disappointed when Carlisle slowly closed the door.
"Would you like something to eat?"
"No."
Her stomach growled and Carlisle raised two eyebrows at her.
Lily silently cursed her body and rolled her eyes.
"Not now at least."
Carlisle put the bag gently on the table and it was as if he had hoped to use the distraction a little longer.
He made a face as if to face a tribunal and Lily wondered what he was afraid of.
He wasn't the meal here, after all. Although he definitely looked like one. Lily rolled her eyes at her own thoughts.
It was absurd.
She knew she should be scared.
She knew she should run away screeching, not that she could, but at least she could hobble away.
Or react somehow differently and appropriately and she knew that her instinct for self-preservation was apparently not present at the moment.
But she just couldn't be afraid of him.
She was drawn to everything about him, his voice, his looks, his scent, his manner. It was as if he had been made for her, like bait.
His sheer presence was enough to wipe away her fears and worries and she wondered if that was some kind of spell she was under.
Not only did she feel her facade crumble. Her body was also exhausted. It was too tired to resist. And she was too.
"Why are you telling me this? If you want to leave anyway? "
She couldn't allow him the distraction, she had to know.
"I do not want to leave."
He made it immediately clear as if it were an important detail what she needed to know, even if it didn't change anything.
"But you have to, don't you?"
He sighed and she got the feeling that it was rehearsed rather than really necessary for oxygen. He hesitated and glanced at her again, as if unsure of what to do.
"I should. May I?"
He pointed to the single chair at the table. She nodded, wondering if he was still trying to buy time. To her surprise, he took the chair and pulled it over to her.
He sat down in one fluid motion and she immediately remembered the hours as he sat with her and they talked about Harry Potter. Her head throbbed and she pulled the covers around her shoulders. Immediately his eyes were on her and he eyed her intensely. She suppressed a yawn but it was not hidden from him.
"Maybe tomorrow I should-"
"NO!"
Her voice was unusually loud and he stopped immediately.
"No. Stay, please."
She knew how pathetic she sounded and she hated it but at that moment she couldn't care. Her leg still hurt and the wound throbbed. Suddenly the hunger was gone and her head got hot. Still, the last thing she wanted was for him to disappear. Probably also because she thought that if she woke up tomorrow, she would dismiss it all as a strange dream and still be alone.
She couldn't risk that.
"You have a slight fever."
Lily nodded, she had already noticed that much.
It wasn't high enough to really affect her, but enough to slow her head.
As he stood, her pulse began to race. The panic crept up her head and closed her throat.
He leave again. Immediately he sat down again and took her hand. The contact made her breathe a sigh of relief. He looked at her pityingly and put his second hand on her forehead. The coldness was strangely pleasant and Lily groaned. She inevitably closed her eyes and felt the tiredness slide over her. Her eyes widened as she struggled.
She couldn't sleep, not now.
He seemed to notice her struggle and stroked her cheek.
"I'll get you some water and stay here until you wake up again."
She wanted to believe him, her body wanted to believe him, so that he could finally find rest, but her suspicion came up again.
Suddenly he was moving so fast that her eyes couldn't catch it. A wind slipped through the small room of the hut and he suddenly had a large glass of water in his hand. She didn't have the strength to analyze it.
He handed it to her and she drank greedily. Her fingers found his again and he stared, fascinated, at her sweaty hand as if it were something precious.
"Sleep, I promise I'll be here when you wake up."
He gently pushed her back into the mattress, never letting go of her hand.
Her eyes became heavier and heavier and she only incidentally felt how he pressed a pill into her hand.
She swallowed it without asking and took another long swig. With weak fingers she clutched his larger hand and her tired mind appeased her that she would notice when he disappeared. With one last look at his angelic face, she fell asleep, only to dream of him.
She heard his voice, distant and yet so close. It was like flowing honey, sweet and velvety, and enveloped her in the darkness that surrounded her.
It was so easy to believe him even when she knew she would regret it.
But she couldn't help but trust him.
He wouldn't lie to her so openly. Would he?