She was warm, almost a little too warm. She laboriously swallowed the little moisture that was left in her mouth. Finally she opened her eyes and stared at the dark wooden slats.
The day had already dawned, a pale light shone through the only window, and as always the sun was hiding behind a thick cloud cover over Forks. It took a few moments to realize where she was.
What on earth was that dream about.
Dr. Cullen, Vampires, a bear and a beauty.
What the hell.
She must have had a mean fever.
Her hand touched something unusually cold and she turned her head to see what it was.
Suddenly her eyes widened.
He sat by her bed in full beauty.
Carlisle.
The memories crashed down on her and she automatically moved a few inches away from him. Immediately her stomach contracted, her subconscious screaming at her that her moving away was wrong.
His face was flawless, as usual. Only his eyes looked unspeakably sad.
"You're..."
"I'm here."
It wasn't what she meant and he knew it. Lily shook her head and stared at him in disbelief.
So it wasn't a dream.
He was a vampire.
Carlisle was a vampire.
"Please don't be afraid."
His voice was so low that she barely heard it and Lily swallowed or at least tried with her mouth being painfully dry.
Fear was the last thing she felt, absurd as it sounded.
The rational part of her brain noted dryly that if he wanted to kill her, he would have done it long ago. A weak consolation.
It was as if her body recognized something in him that she couldn't name.
No, she wasn't afraid of him. But there was another emotion. Anger.
"You're leaving Forks."
"I have to."
Immediately she narrowed her eyes.
So nothing had changed. He camere here to tell her what he was, only to leave her again?
Why did he bother?
"Then why are you here? Why are you telling me all of this?"
He sighed and ran his hand through his blond curls. They were curled by the wetness from the heavy rain yesterday and Lily had to take a deep breath to pull herself together.
It was unfair how beautiful he was. Just unfair.
"So that you understand why I have to go. So that you understand why I am not good for you."
"You mean so you don't have a guilty conscience."
She tossed the heavy blanket to the end of the bed and swung her legs off the edge. He backed away slightly, but stayed seated. She glared at him angrily until she noticed how close they were.
She could smell his scent and wanted nothing more than press her nose into the crook of his neck and inhale it properly. The thought seemed overwhelming and she could hardly pull her together. Where did that come from all of the sudden?
Her heart raced and she saw his eyes darken. Well at least that riddle is solved.
Again she had to remind herself that he was only here to say goodbye.
He was only here to leave.
Again.
He just explained why, but that didn't change the fact that he was leaving her. That she was alone, that nothing had changed since yesterday. That in a few hours, she had no one.
She averted her eyes and stared at the stove that crackled in peace, not bothered by the sadness in the room. And the anger. Someone had added wood that night, presumably his doing.
His presence was so tempting it was painful.
Generally speaking, he was painful to look at. Like a billboard saying why she wasn't good enough. A constant reminder to her, where her place was.
Not by his side. Never by his side.
He was art, to be looked at with distance. To be admired, stared at with awe.
But not for hers to have.
It was insanity, like she had visit the Louvre, looked at the Mona Lisa painting and wished, she could have it to hang it above the stove. Why should she, of all people, be worthy of such a creature?
She propped herself up and stood up, the pain in her knee was minimal, she hardly noticed it. Slowly she hobbled in the direction of the door when his desperate voice rang out behind her.
"Where are you going?"
"Funny that you would ask that."
She got her crutch out of the corner and braced herself. It took a few seconds before she could keep her balance and suddenly she noticed that he was no longer sitting on the chair.
He was standing right next to her.
No one could have moved that fast.
He easily towered over her with his height and his broad shoulders looked almost intimidating.
Suddenly it seemed unbearable to her to be in here with him. It was as if she had run out of air to breathe.
She knew what was going to happen, he would go and she would forever associate the hut not only with Alex but also with him. She might as well burn it down, than to have it as a constant reminder of her heartbreak.
"Lily, please."
She shook her head and opened the door. She almost expected him to stop her but he didn't.
Instead, he followed her silently.
It was drizzling lightly, the ground was still soaked from the rain of the last few days and the air was cool according to the season. In the distance she heard a gentle thunder, a promise of even more rain.
The rain didn't stop her, it didn't even hinder her.
When you grew up in Forks, you can't be bothered by rain or you would have a really unhappy life.
Just like her right now.
She concentrated on her steps and the steady dripping on the shingles of the hut. The more she wanted to forget him, the more he dug into her brain. Him saying her name was enough. The sound had carved itself into her memory for eternity, of that she was certain.
Lily.
Just like his eyes.
Lily.
His mouth.
"Lily!"
His voice tore her from her thoughts and she noticed that he was standing next to her in the rain. She still was drowsy, maybe from sleep, fever or hunger. She couldn't tell anymore. It was funny how a broken heart seems to swallow every feeling, even the bad ones. As if nothing else mattered anymore. The clouds above them showed what they had been carrying and thick drops pelted down on them.
"Come back inside."
He points into the hut behind him as if it were his. As if he had any right to do so. As if he weren't just a casual visitor who was here for the last time.
"No."
Her voice was firm and she knew exactly how stubborn she can be. It was raining, it was cold and she really wanted nothing more than to wrap herself in the thick blanket again and stretch her feet in the direction of the stove.
But she couldn't go back inside.
She couldn't listen to his excuses, his reasons, his lies.
She just couldn't.
She wanted him to leave but at the same time, she want him to stay. She had never been the most logical being but this was even for her standards crazy. She craved his nearness and she loathed it too. Just to look at him was painful but still, she could not not to.
Lily was surprised how many times one heart could break.
"It's raining. You will be getting a cold."
"I don't care."
She didn't. She would rather die than to be left behind. To be forgotten while she had to relive her memory of him ever second of every day.
She heard a deep sigh.
"Please go in."
"No!"
"Lily, go in or I'll carry you inside!"
His voice had a menacing undertone that didn't impress her in the least.
"Just go away!"
Suddenly it was quiet and she squeezed her eyes shut. Her heart broke at the thought that he was actually gone.
She noticed that the rain had stopped.
She still heard the even crackling and she opened her eyes. A blanket was stretched over her, being hold up by Carlisle. That action put himself dangerously close to her. It was pure torture.
"Please Lily."
"What do you want Carlisle?"
"I want to talk to you."
"About what? What do you want to talk to me about? You told me what you are, you told me that you have so leave. I get it, I'm not that daft."
She glared at him but he didn't flinch.
On the contrary.
He stared at her with dark eyes as if his own heart was in million pieces. And there was fear.
"About us."
Her mouth fell open and she raised her hands, almost knocking her crane over, but she was just able to keep her balance.
"What us?"
"You know what I mean. I know you feel it too."
His voice was low and was almost covered by the pattering rain, but it bored into Lily's ears without any problems. Her heart started racing and her breathing became faster and faster.
She could see her breath in front of her, dense clouds rising tentatively and noticed, that his breath did not leave anything behind.
Her eyes searched her surroundings, looking for something to hold on to. Something that didn't help her to lose her mind but all around her was the rain and trees. Neither one nor the other cared about the scene that played out in front of them. He seemed unsure of himself, as if he said something that he shouldn't.
"Please come inside Lily. Please."
"Why are you still here Carlisle."
Her voice was low and tired. She was tired. Discussing with him took its toll and she wanted an answer. She needed an answer.
"Because I-"
"If you say now that you want to explain something to me, I swear to god I will scream."
The corner of his mouth twiched upwarts and he waited a few moments before speaking again. She was still staring at the trees, his closeness, his scent and his voice were enough, if she looked at him now, she would be lost. Not that she wasn't lost already.
"Because I can't not be here."
She closed her eyes. His behavior, his words, and the damned look in his eyes implied something she didn't even dare to think about. Yet every fiber of her body longed for it.
How could she survive now if he left?
"Why?"
She had to know. She had to hear it.
Her voice was nothing more than a whisper and she felt him getting closer. Her heart was pounding in her throat and she laboriously swallowed.
"Because from the first moment I saw you, I finally understood what the word mate really meant."
Lily's head turned automatically to the tantalizing voice.
His face was close.
Too close.
She could see every dark gold tone, every elegant eyelash.
Her breath got caught.
He was ... he was just perfect. The most beautiful man she ever saw.
"Mate?"
Her voice was nothing more than a whisper and when his gaze fell on her lips, she noticed how she automatically opened them slightly. A thought crossed her fogged brain and she wondered if it tasted as good as it smelled and looked.
"As in... Goodday mate?"
His red lips twisted into a big smile and his eyes sparkled with amusement. Her australien impression was cheesy and ridicoulus. And bad. But she couldn't help it.
"No."
Now it was her gaze that fell on his lips. She heard a sharp breath intake and realized it was her own.
"So you are not leaving then?"
He tore his now black eyes from her lips and met her gaze. The look in his eyes was intense and pure. It was not shadowed by anything, it was true.
"I don't think I can."
Lily swallowed.
It shouldn't be enough, it really shouldn't be enough.
She was supposed to turn around and leave as fast as she could, but her legs didn't obey her and she was glad about it. Because no matter how she thought about it, it was enough for her.
His words were enough.
And if he was to disappear again, she would take as much of him as she could before that.
He was like a magnet and she had nothing to oppose the attraction. She felt her body lean towards his and saw his eyes close.
His thick lashes were flawless like the rest of him and when she brushed his lips with hers it was as if it was the easiest thing she had ever done.
She felt herself hold on to his collar and pull him closer to her, which was almost unnecessary given that he followed her in a fluent motion. Her crutch fell on the muddy soil beneath them and the last braincell that could still think rationally wondered how she could stand upright.
Then she felt his hands, which grippes her hips. His touch was firm, but loose enough that she could shake him off anytime she wanted.
As. if.
Her body was cold and warm at the same time, burned and froze and she couldn't get enough of it. His lips were cold and hard and yet the most beautiful thing she had ever felt. The kiss, which if she was being honest, was not innocent to begin with, deepened so naturally and quickly that Lily couldn't keep up.
Her instincts took over and as he sucked gently on her lower lip, she heard herself sigh.
She had been wrong.
He tasted even better than he smelled and looked.
He was irresistible. He was the light and she was a moth. Not knowing what she's getting herself into but at the same time, not really caring.
Her hand went to the nape of his neck and ran through the soft curls when she felt his chest vibrate. Only now did she notice that she was pressed tight against him. Her form melted against him, as she was liquid and he solid.
Everything felt so right. As if the reason for their existence was that moment. His growl should startle her, frighten her, but it only spurred her on.
Her head grew light and she noticed that she hadn't breathed in far too long. She stubbornly braced herself against the need of air and devoted herself to another.
Him.
Apparently he had noticed her need and pulled his lips back slightly, she followed him immediately, she wasn't ready to give up the contact and she felt his lips curl into a grin.
His withdrawal was only for a brief moment because immediately he ran his lips down her chin and wandered to her neck.
Even knowing that he was a vampire didn't keep her from sticking her neck willingly towards him and he immediately accepted the invitation. He played with the sensitive skin and she groaned loudly.
His fingers dug into her waist and he pulled back. The whimpering that came out of her throat was pathetic but Lily didn't care. At this moment, she was pathetic. Still dazed from the kiss, she had to support herself on his shoulders.
She felt his hard forehead against hers and heard him take a deep breath.
"So... not like Goddday mate."
Her voice was still breathless and he laughed out loud, still amused by her attemp to lighten the mood. It was lovely.
"No. Not like Goodday mate."