Carlisle
For three hundred and fifty years he had existed as a vampire. Most of this time, he was by himself. Even after the change, he had found himself completely alone.
He learned, that the majority of newborn vampires woke up with their creator but he had been abandoned by his. Even now, he could not tell his face or his words to him. It had occured to him, that his changing was a mere accident. That the vampire had not intended to change him at all. That it all had happened in the chaos Carlisle himself ensured. He was the only one to get out after all, the other men who had followed him so eagerly were not so "lucky".
Or maybe he did. Maybe the vampire knew what his father and his followers were doing. Burning innocent people, sentence them to die with nothing but hear say to back up their accusations. Maybe he wanted to punish him for it or maybe he wanted to punish his father by taking away his only son. Maybe he had not thought that Carlisle would survive and hide in shame, maybe he thought, that he would go home and his father would see what he had become. His newborn thirst would have made him a monster and kill his father.
But of course, it had never come to that.
Carlisle, full of disgust for himself, decided early that his father was better off if he thought his son was dead. Killed in a pursue of a demon. Altough Carlisle did not remember his father well, he knew one thing for certain- he was not a pleasent man. Maybe the death of his wife made him hard, maybe he did not know how to show affection to a baby boy who just lost hist mother. Maybe he just did not know better.
After his changing, he was alone for a long time. When he thought about it, he had been alone all his life. It was unfair to his family of course, and to the large number of friends he had met on his travels but it was true.
Never ever had he felt this way, never ever had he met someone who could make him feel what he felt now.
She could.
With his first death, he also lost the ability to dream.
It was something he had no memory of. He knew what dreams were, he listened to the murmurs in the middle of the night, he saw the eyelids flutter, but he had no idea what a dream felt like.
In general, his memories of his human life were so dazed, he never knew if what was a real memory or something else, so he stopped thinking about dreams.
Until know.
He knew what he would be dreaming about if he could. His dreams would be of her. All of them. They had to be.
She was in his thoughts, in his feelings, in the unused air he breathed out, in the words he said, in his cold body.
She would be also in his dreams.
Her heartbeat pounded into his mind with every firm beat, and it was almost as if it was his own. It was a strange magic, he thought to himself. It was something he didn't understand himself but he would never question it either. She gave him life by living hers.
Carlisle had always imagined how he would meet his mate.
He had imagined a vampire whose face kept changing. It didn't matter either, he knew he'd love her as soon as he saw her. He had imagined how he would introduce himself. What he would say. How he could court her. What he would tell her. He had hoped to meet a fellow "vegetarian" or at least someone, who would try his way of life. Altough it did not matter. Carlisle knew, regardless of the diet, he would love her. He would ask her to marry him, to show the world their love. He would wear the wedding band with pride and buy her everything she ever wanted. It was a sappy thought, Edward made sure he knew that. But for a creature who has seemingly everything, love and affection was something sacred.
Over the years this idea had disappeared. It had faded more and more and soon, his hope was gone. He met so many people, he made so many friends in so many different places.
He had traveled the world, met so many vampires, almost always made friends and made a good impression. He liked his friends even when they were different than him. Even if they didn't share his values and ideals, he respected them. But he had never met anyone who he really loved.
Not in that way. Of course there were a fair share of women who had been smitten by him but Carlilse, still in his beliefs of a century ago, could not be tempted.
Just like others of his kind, he produced some kind of allure that drew people in. Mostly women. Altough Edward always commented, that he was far too nice to put anyone really off. Carlisle hated it, he resented the pull he had on them. He knew what it was, it was a
And after spending centuries alone, he had given up.
Perhaps there wasn't a companion for everyone, and when he thought about it, his soulmate could have been dead a thousand years or not be created for a thousand years.
It was a sad thought, but he didn't waste too much time feeling sorry for himself.
In his lonliness he had created his own family. Four humans, all on the brink of sure death. He told himself, that he had to save them. Of course a selfish choice, if he was honest. Having lived on his own for so long, never having met someone like him, he craved the feeling of a family.
The first he had created for himself. A brother, someone he could guide. Edward. His mother had begged him to save her boy and Carlisle did the only thing he could think of. He changed him. Of course he was not saving him, not really. He took his soul away just because he was lonely. The second one was no better. He had remebered her, Esme, and it broke his petrified heart to see such a vibrant yound woman so broken. He felt a sort of attraction towards her but that was not the reason. And it was foolish, as soon as she had changed, there was nothing but brotherly love. He was dissapointed, how could he be not. He had hoped, that maybe she was his mate. That she would fill the emptiness.
The third one was clearly a mistake. It was a horrid thing to think but it was true. Rosalie hated her new existence and made sure that everyone around her knew that. His hopes that maybe she could be Edwards mate, turned into dust when he saw how those two fought with each other.
Three souls. Well, if he was not damned before, he made sure he was now. He may not give in to the monster inside him but he did give in another craving. A craving for a family.
The last one, Emmett, was a suprise. Rosalie, who despite her initial fury and her resentment, came to him with Emmett and begged him to save him. To change him. It was a easy thing to do, Carlisle wanted to give her happiness, to ease her pain of her existence. And Emmett did what he was supposed to. He calmed her and altough their passion was sometimes hard to bear, he made their family complete. Almost.
When Edward met Bella, Carlisle grew hopeful. Esme, with her heart of gold, also seemed reliefed that he had found happiness. No one could have known what this short lived happiness would turn into.
Emmett was the last one. Never again was his vow. No matter how lonely he got, how painful the loss seems, how tempting or promising it may be, he would not take another soul away. He had learned his lessons, altough Esme never accused him of anything. She was way too kindhearted for that.
And yet.
Whenever he saw the look that spread on Emmett's face when he looked at Rosalie, he felt a loss that he had not yet suffered. And then he thought about his vow again.
He never would have thought that his fate would be in the form of a young human. Her existence hit him so unexpectedly that he was completely overwhelmed by what to do with the multitude of emotions that suddenly rolled over him.
She was the missing piece , and she didn't even have to do anything about it. Just exist.
In addition to love and consuming attraction, her presence brought other feelings with it.
Feelings that he hadn't thought possible.
There was this blind rage that rose in him, that enveloped his body in flames and nourished the monster in him.
Edward was the first to decipher this emotion for him.
Jealousy.
He was jealous.
He was jealous for the first time in his existence.
What made it even worse was, that he was jealous of a dead man.
He could neither challenge nor defeat him.
He couldn't win.
He always thought that was his low point but well, he was wrong.
Because when he approached the hut and the sweet scent of Lily tickled his nose promisingly and he heard his name from her mouth, the anger welled up and his breath got caught. His body tensed and he felt the poison collect in his mouth. He clenched his fists and heard the crack of his petrified fibers.
A thousand questions flashed through his head, questions he had no right to ask. It was none of his business how she knew the wolf , why she had greet him so openly. It was none of his business why the wolves had actually considered attacking them even though they were outnumbered. It was none of his business why Lily was so important to them.
Carlisle knew that.
But the monster in him growled with black eyes and bared its razor-sharp teeth. It raged and roared.
Lily belonged to him and to no one else.
He was glad that he did not loose control in the forest, because the monster would have liked nothing better than to wrap its arms around the massive chest of the wolf and crushed it.
Only when he was holding her in his arms, firmly and securely, he had calmed down.
It had taken hours.
Emmett brought them food and patrolled the area. Carlisle knew he would never let a wolf through.
He would never let anything happen to her.
It was one of the things he valued and admired most about his son. Emmett was a Peter Pan, playful and eager, but when it came to protecting his family he showed no mercy.
He hadn't hesitated to defend Bella and hunt down James and he wouldn't hesitate to defend Lily against the wolves.
Except that she was probably the one who didn't need protection from them.
"Carlisle."
Lily sighed his name and his heart felt like it was beating for the first time in three hundred years.
She pressed closer to him and buried her face in the crook of his neck. He felt warm, as if there was still blood in his veins, and he closed his eyes.
It was a glorious feeling.
He hugged her gently and she sighed again.
Even if no dream in the world could be better than his current position, he was still jealous. What kind of worlds have just been created, stories told and pictures painted. But it was easy to be jealous of good dreams.
Another thought immediately crossed his mind.
Bella.
When Emmett had told him, he felt sad. But when he saw her, his heart broke.
It broke because he knew Edward was feeling no better and he loved both of them. And it broke because he wasn't just seeing Bella.
He saw Lily.
He saw what almost happened. What he almost did.
How could he even had thought about it? It seemed ridicoulus. Likea satellite caught in her orbit, he just could not break away. He was caught. And he loved it.
The only reason Edward was able to do something like this was because of Alice's vision. He clung to it desperately and all the words in the world couldn't change his mind. Carlisle narrowed his eyes. He knew that Alice had seen something of him and Lily. But he didn't know why she was hiding it.
Until now he thought that maybe it was something good and she didn't want to give him any false hope if it didn't happen. But after today he wasn't so sure anymore.
What if she had also seen a future for Lily, a future with children, a house with a white picket fence and a dog.
A future without him.
What if Alice just wanted to spare him the pain? What if she just wanted to protect him?
But surely Edward would have told him if she had seen a smiliar future for Lily as she had seen for Bella, if just to make it easier for him to leave. So Alice must have seen something else. But what?
He listened to Lilys breathing, her heartbeat, her blood that was pumped through her body. He felt her warmth and smelled her scent.
He couldn't leave her. He wouldn't survive it.
Even if she would sent him away, he would still be around and watching over her. Make sure she is safe and having the future she deserved. There was no other way, never could he continue his existence as if she never happened. As if he never felt that true happiness.
Nothing could ever make him leave her side, except herself. And he prayed to every god who wanted to listen that that would never be the case.
He knew she was still grieving.
He could see it in her eyes, hear it in her heartbeat when he said something or when she saw something that reminded her of Alex. It hurt every time, but it would never drive him away. He had to bare it.
He could wait, and so he would. And if it took a hundred years. He would wait.
The bright chirping of birds came from the forest and the first light illuminated the interior of the hut.
Not that he needed it to see anything.
His hand gently caressed her upper arm. Although she was still soundly asleep, her body reacted immediately. He heard her heart beating and felt the deep breath she took.
She would wake up soon, he could hear that. Her movements became more coordinated and her breathing became uneven. It was one of those things that might be banal, but meant everything to him. He was able to be the last thing she saw when she closed her eyes and the first thing she saw when she opened them again.
It was a gift. Maybe it was the reward he got for his efforts to be good and not give in the monster inside.
Lily grumbled and squeezed her eyes shut. She stretched and Carlisle could do nothing but follow her movements with his eyes, fascinated.
It took a few moments for her eyes to find him, but when they did, a bright smile spread across her lips.
It was a sight to behold.
"Good Morning."
Her voice was still hoarse from sleep and it was heartbreaking. A thousand things went through Carlisle's mind but his mouth opened to ask just that one question.
He didn't know where it came from, he didn't know why he was asking her. Well that wasn't true, he knew exactly why he was asking her, but he couldn't explain why he had to say it at such an inconvenient time.
"How do you know Sam Uley?"
Well, he killed the mood with this one.