Lily
There were few situations in which Lily felt more out of place than in the Cullen's house.
She remembered a birthday party of a classmate whose parents had forced her to invite Lily - most likely out of a desperate attempt to integrate her. Which of course didn't work. But still, she didn't stand out at Stacy Evans nearly as much as in a house run by abnormally beautiful vampires.
In addition, this house, a masterpiece of architecture and furnishings, apparently only consisted of steps. Stairs that didn't care a bit about Lily's crutch or shattered knee. Of course, Carlisle stuck to her and in the end she didn't step on a single step herself, so she felt her dignity fly away before she even got to the front door.
The uncertainty of getting to know the Carlisle family, except for Emmett, Rosalie, and Alice, was exciting enough. In addition, it wasn't just any family. A family where there was a strange uncle and a strange aunt that nobody talked about. No, it was a family that was far superior to her, not just physically. They surpassed Lily in every aspect.
The word intimidated didn't even come close to what she felt and the fact that one of them saw her future, the other could feel and control her emotions, and the third could read her mind didn't make it any better.
Well, she classified this visit as a favor for Carlisle. No other reason would have made her even consider coming here. It wasn't that she was afraid of them, she knew how alluring Bella's blood was to everyone, if they didn't hurt her, they wouldn't consider Lily a meal either. And that was the thing. Bella was the only human next to her and even she was special. Her blood smelled delicious, admittedly Lily didn't really envy her for that, but still.
She also knew what she wanted.
Bella knew she wanted to become a vampire.
Lily had no idea.
As if all these things weren't bad enough, there was also the fact that had to wear her worn out clothes, which were not the cleanest, although Carlisle insisted that she smelled good, very good, he even emphasized, so she also optically stood out like a sore thumb.
So she sat in the midst of these perfectly styled, flawless beauties, feeling very out of place.
The security of Carlisle's presence and the powers of Jasper affected her and she felt strangely calm.
It really was a strange feeling, but in the end she was grateful and tried not to worry too much about the origin.
Even she could feel Carlisle's relief when he saw Edward and Bella alive and well. Well at least one was alive. It was as if weight was lifted from his shoulders and his eyes had a endearing happy spark. She was happy for him and relieved too. Even if she hadn't known them, she was still worried. Mostly because of Carlisle but nevertheless worried.
Carlisle introduced her as if she were some secret treasure that he had finally found. His voice was bursting with pride and he pulled her closer as if to show that he himself had indeed found her and that they belonged together.
Esme's eyes glittered with anticipation and she looked at her like she couldn't wait to finally get to know her.
Her hands were folded in front of her body and she looked restless, as if she had to hold herself back from rushing towards Lily. Her heart-shaped face was pretty, her beauty was not as breathtaking as Rosalie's but still palpable. It was a bit more subtle.
As if her insides would shine outwards and Lily felt strangely comfortable around her. Unlike Rosalie, she did not have an unapproachable coldness surround her, on the contrary. She exuded a maternal warmth that Lily was unfamiliar with.
When Carlisle finished, she slowly approached Lily and glanced at Jasper as if asking permission. Finally she took Lily's free hand and squeezed it gently. Lily almost winced.
Esme's hands were cold and hard, much like Carlisle's.
Only she didn't feel this exhilaration rise within her. She felt Esme's goodness in her touch, but it was still freezing.
"Finally. Carlisle has been hiding you from us for far too long."
"Because he wanted her all for himself."
Emmett's deep, bearded voice echoed across the large room, which looked more like an art exhibition than a real living room. Rosalie gave him a nudge with her elbow, but Emmett's lips were still curled in a mischievous grin.
She couldn't say that the Carlisle family was in any way unkind, on the contrary. They were more than friendly.
More than that, Esme looked at her with such warmth as if they'd known each other forever.
Bella was pinned to Edward's side and Lily wondered if she looked the same. It was no longer an attraction but looked like a dependency. As if she had to be with him, as if he would disappear if she didn't hold on to him.
Edward looked at her with an illegible expression, polite but alert. It wasn't long before he began to tell what had happened in Italy.
Names and expressions came up that were unfamilar to Lily. Carlisle often froze next to her and she listened interestedly. It was strange, but his stories made the environment a little .. more bearable. She didn't feel like a foreign body anymore and so she tried to remember every name Edward said.
Suddenly he fixed his eyes on Carlisle and looked at him pityingly. Lily didn't understand the expression.
He looked guilty, but why.
"Aro read my mind. He knows everything."
Suddenly Carlisle winced.
She didn't see his gaze but Edward immediately shook his head vehemently.
"I didn't think about it, otherwise I would never have .. I'm so sorry."
Carlisle still said nothing and it worried Lily.
What did he mean? What had Aro seen? She knew that Aro could read all the thoughts someone ever had with one single touch. But what did this have to do with Carlisle?
The mood in the room changed and she felt Rosalie's piercing gaze on her.
Confused, she looked around. The majority looked sad and avoided her gaze, only Alice seemed completely unimpressed by Edward's words. Not surprisingly, she had probably already seen the conversation and also was witness to the whole thing.
Lily returned Rosalie's gaze and suddenly her breath got caught. It drained on her.
Carlisle had told her that the Volturi's first law was to keep their existence secret. No mortal was allowed to know about the cold creatures. If so, they would do everything to avert the danger. That meant either changing or death.
Edward had unknowingly made the decision for her by visiting the Volturi.
She now had a choice. To die or become a vampire.
Her heart started racing and she felt Carlisle's grip tighten. A wave of calm fell over her, but it didn't work, instead she felt the nausea rise inside her.
"Carlisle."
Edward's voice was low but she heard the grief in it.
Carlisle said nothing and led her outside.
They stood on the huge terrace. The cool forest air wafted into her face in a mild breeze and she took a deep breath. The damp scent of the trees soothed her, and Carlisle's fingers continuously stroked her back in small circles.
The thoughts raced through her mind. She heard Rosalie's voice, she heard her warning. She would never have guessed how soon she would become real.
"Is everything ok?"
Rosalie's voice was the second surprise of the evening. Maybe she felt guilty after their conversation, but Lily was still gripped by her concern. Immediately she pulled herself together, her heartbeat had calmed down as much as it could in Carlisle's presence, and she took another deep breath.
"Yes. Thank you. It was just .."
"Much."
Noted Rosalie dully.
"Yes."
Lily's voice was low and she leaned against Carlisle. He hadn't said anything yet and she was afraid of his reaction. She looked up at him and saw how he had fixed his eyes on the forest in front of him. Reluctantly, he turned away and looked at her.
His eyes were bright honey, but they carried a sadness that broke Lily's heart. She suddenly realized what her reaction must look to him and was amazed that he stayed with her despite everything.
"It's not that I don't want it."
She looked him straight in the eye and prayed to god that he would understand her.
"But..."
"But you wanted a choice."
Again Rosalie finished her sentence for her and Lily felt a wave of gratitude. She was glad that at least one person understood her.
Carlisle nodded immediately and pressed his cool hard lips to her forehead.
"You still have one."
His voice was full of pain and Lily's heart broke again. He didn't deserve the pain. She knew what he meant. He would protect her at any cost, but how could she live like that?
"It's not your fault."
She saw immediately that he didn't believe her. Apparently it was easier for him to think he was responsible for it.
That he destroyed her life. Sealed her fate. Took away her future.
But how could he destroy something that had not exist without him? What would she have without him? Except grief, pain and loneliness. In a way, she was no different from Bella and Edward, even if she didn't show it so openly. Inwardly, she was just as dependent on him and he apparently also on her. To a certain extent, at least.
"I'm going back inside."
"Don't be too hard on him, Rosalie."
Carlisle's voice was gentle as always but it did not calm Rosalie.
Nothing could.
"Why? Why should I? It's his fault. His selfishness puts everyone in danger, over and over again. Why don't you see that?"
Lily heard the frustration and anger in Rosalie's bright and clear voice.
She sensed that there was more to her words than the events in Italy and she also knew that Edward could and apparently should hear every word from inside.
"First he brought her into our lives, then he forced us all to leave and then he gave us away to Aro because HE hadn't managed to just wait. How can you approve of that?!"
Her voice got louder and louder and Lily felt Carlisle tense up.
"I don't approve of it, but there is no point in blaiming anyone."
"You know what that means for us."
"Of course I know."
His voice was suddenly hard and brisk.
Lily heard his anger from it and immediately winced. She had never heard that tone in his voice before.
"Aro is just waiting for a reason to come here. He's been waiting for decades. Now Edward gave him one on a silver platter."
Carlisle sighed and hugged Lily as if to protect her from the sheer thought. The door slammed and Rosalie disappeared.
"I'm so sorry Lily."
His voice was next to her ear and she was trembling slightly. Before he could move away, she hugged him tightly. Suddenly Carlisle gave a small laugh. Confused, she looked up and he looked down at her with still sad eyes.
"Esme wonders whether you might be hungry and if so what you would like to eat."
Lily smiled slightly, but didn't quite understand the humor behind it. He continued to explain.
"She asked Rosalie."
Now she had to laugh too.
The idea that anyone thought Rosalie knew someone well enough to know what they liked to eat was actually amusing. Lily suspected that Rosalie's reaction, was even funnier.
"Well? Does she know?"
He laughed and her heart swelled.
"Yes. Edward gave her away."
"As if she wasn't angry enough with him."
Carlisle shrugged and gave her a sideways grin, one that showed his human age.
The mood eased a little but Lily still felt on the edge. His gaze changed and he suddenly looked insecure.
"Do you want to see the rest of the house?"
Even if going back inside was the last thing she wanted, her curiosity got the better of her. She wanted to see more of him, his past, his living, find out more about him. She had often asked herself what his things would look like, so many centuries that he had lived through. In some ways he was a walking history book.
She nodded eagerly and tried to suppress the fear of going back inside and the feeling of inadequacy that came with it.
To their surprise, they were almost alone in the house. Only Esme was in the kitchen and seemed to be preparing something that suspiciously smelled like lasagna. Lily should be feeling hungry, but given the events of the evening, her stomach was still in a knot.
Carlisle carried her up the stairs and her eyes immediately fell on a patterned picture. Only on closer inspection could she see that they were graduate caps. It was ... a lot. He walked on and smiled.
Her gaze caught on a wooden cross. It looked very old. Very very old.
He noticed her interest and stopped. He stared at the cross and took a deep breath. It was obvious that it held some worth to him. A value she had no idea about.
"My father was a kind of clergyman. The cross .. was from his church."
Her mouth fell open.
She knew that his father was religous and she also knew that, like her, he had never met his mother. Her mother left and his mother died.
It wasn't the profession that shocked her, nor the connection to its age. After all, the rotten wood was as old as he was. It was the emotion that was in his voice.
He walked on without speaking and opened a door in the back of the corridor.
His office was ... she could hardly describe it.
It was Carlisle.
It was classy, graceful, classic, and simple .. Carlisle. It was kept in dark colors, wood was more than present and in addition to an incredible number of books, the walls were decorated with a wide variety of pictures.
He set her down carefully, but never took his hands off her body. Her gaze was fixed on the ridiculously gigantic bookshelf and only now did she notice that her mouth was open.
He grinned at her contentedly and seemed to enjoy her enthusiasm.
"You can take one, anytime you feel like it. It doesn't matter which one."
She suspected a small ... or very large fortune behind the covers, which on closer inspection turned out to be first editions.
Her gaze wandered past a wide window front that showed into the dark forest and on to a kind of gallery.
There were various pictures, some large and sumptuously framed, others small and inconspicuous. Even if she didn't know much about art, she could see that they came from different eras and were painted by artists with different talents.
He stood behind her and she leaned against his hard body. Like a mold, her body adapted effortlessly to his and suddenly she lost interest in what she saw in front of her and concentrated much more on what was behind her.
That was until her eyes caught on an impressive painting.
It showed three men, painted like kings. Almost godlike, they stood on a kind of balcony and looked down, disinterested. Their faces were pale and their features were flawless. Their eyes sparkled in a deep red and they looked inhumanly beautiful. Behind them, as if he were a silent observer, stood another man, godlike. Lily narrowed her eyes.
"Is that .. is that you?"
His laugh vibrated against her back.
His blond hair played around his soft features and his eyes radiated with their warm gold a kindness that Lily recognized immediately. Even in the background he easily outshone the other men. His beauty was hidden, as if it did not want to be discovered on the first look or as if it were only intended for those who looked more closely.
He looked like a god. And while the other men looked almost distasteful at the wild crowd to their feet, his face portrayed a pitiful look.
It was only when his fingertips ran down her arms that she could avert her gaze from the picture. She felt the goosebumps that spread.
"Are you cold?"
She shook her head and pressed against his body as evidence. He put his forehead on her shoulder and sighed. The cool air brushed her neck and she shuddered.
She automatically pressed her cheek to his head and felt his soft blond locks on her cheek. His grip tightened and he turned his head. He pressed his nose into her throat and when his lips touched the delicate thin skin her breath got caught.
She wanted to touch him but she couldn't bring herself to move, the feeling was just too good.
In that second the thought of becoming a vampire and spend eternity with him, did not sound so grueling at all.