Carlisle
Carlisle was surprised how little he heard of the emotions in his voice. He had acquired this quality in over 300 years of existence and was never so grateful for it. For living amongst humans, he had to remain calm, even if his inner turmoil seemed to overtake him.
Some say the appearance of ones mate had an effect to an unknown extent. It was impossible to predict. Carlisle always interpreted this statement as a sort of change. It was only logical for him to assume that his existence would be irrevocably changed. That his preceivings changed, maybe even his way of thought.
Of course he had also expected love, attraction, affection and dependence, admittedly not to that extent, but he knew enough couples to be able to get a glimpse of that new life.
However, he would never have expected this furious, destructive and irascible monster that he transformed into when he saw the look with which Paul was looking at Lily.
Never in his life would he have thought it possible to feel such feelings at all.
He was level-headed, controlled, lenient, sensible, and kind. He hated violence, he hated fighting, and yet he wanted nothing more than to hunt down the wolf and tear it to pieces.
It took him a few seconds to identify the feeling, it was similar to the one he felt when he was meeting Sam, only it felt worse. Even more consuming. At first he couldn't explain the hatred, Paul didn't pose a threat to her or said anything mean.. at least not to her. He had no reason to attack him, so it wasn't his protective instincts that were awakened.
It was something that didn't really fit his character.
It was crude and primitive jealousy. Nothing more and nothing less.
His voice was calm and showed nothing of the storm that was brooding inside him. Since meeting the Quileute, his thoughts had revolved around one subject and he cursed his ability to remember everything exactly. He analyzed the gestures and facial expressions again and again, Lily's words were played over and over again in his head, her heartbeats dissected.
It almost drove him insane.
He listened to her heartbeat and tried not to let despair gain the upper hand.
"Paul and I were something like a couple a long time ago."
There it was.
Like a punch in the face.
He weighed the words carefully and immediately went through the timeline in his head. But she was faster.
"Before I met Alex. It was a summer when I hung out a lot in La Push. That's where I met Sam too. "
Of course, he still knew that she had simply ignored his question back then and now he also knew why. She couldn't have explained her connection to Sam without mentioning Paul.
But why had she kept it secret? Did she still felt something for him? A thought that was hard to bear.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
His voice was low and he heard the weakness in it.
He avoided her gaze, which wasn't necessary, because she also avoided his. For his own reassurance, he sought contact with her and it helped. At least a bit.
She took a deep breath and Carlisle could hear her lungs fill with air.
"I don't know, I thought it wouldn't matter."
He heard the lie right away and didn't know whether to be relieved that he saw through it or not.
Finally he glanced at her and raised an eyebrow.
Her heart tripped and he wondered why it was doing this, her cheeks turned slightly reddish and he smelled the blood behind the delicate skin. Before he could analyze it, her gaze flickered to his lips and with a feeling of pride in his chest he realized that it was his presence that made it happen, not the feeling of getting caught with a lie.
"Well, I didn't want to worry you unnecessarily."
"Worry?"
She rolled her eyes.
"I didn't want to make more of it than it was. Is. What ever."
He nodded.
He understood but that didn't mean he liked it. But well he didn't like the existence of Paul in itself.
"And you still like him?"
His question was careful and even he could hear the fear in it.
He didn't like that feeling at all.
Of course he knew what Paul could offer her, much more than he could offer her.
It wasn't hard to see why he was worried. Why his mind kept revolving around it.
Carlisle was afraid that Lily would ultimately choose the better future. A choice he could never or would never hold against her.
Lily gave him an illegible look and he could see her thinking about his question. He sincerely hoped her thoughts were on the formulation of her answer, not the answer itself.
"No, at least not that way."
He felt immediately relieved, but still something was nagging at him. He could understand, to a certain extent, why Edward just left.
Humans were different. Change was not part of his being and it wasn't often that something changed a vampire's thoughts, feelings or le alone existence.
The appearance of a mate was one of the few events that could cause that. Probably the only one. But humans changed. Every second new cells are formed, old ones die and are processed. They changed their minds so quickly that even Alice had trouble keeping up every now and then.
They change jobs, friends, marriages, opinions even whole lifes. They could wake up in the morning and be someone else.
So what's stopping Lily from changing her mind?
Maybe not today or tomorrow.
But at some point the need for a family of her own, for children, for warmth, would be so great that she might consider the alternative. And he wasn't going to stop her.
He would never stand in the way of her happiness, even if it destroyed him.
He could feel her gaze. Apparently his worries were not hidden from her.
She sighed and he couldn't help but look at her plump lips. As always, they looked so inviting, as if they were only there to be kissed by him.
"Also-"
She broke off and leaned over to him. Her tongue flashed out and he groaned inwardly.
"- I have a weakness for older men."
His eyes were already half closed when he felt his body making itself independent and reaching towards her.
"Older men?"
His voice was rough and he saw the goosebumps on her arms that was slowly spreading.
"Ancient vampires, to be precise."
Her voice was serious and the corners of his mouth twitched upward imperceptibly. There were only a few inches between them and his voice was nothing more than a whisper.
"Lucky me."
"Mhm."
He choked the sound as he pressed his lips to hers and lost himself in the feeling. Her lips were soft and warm, in stark contrast to his unrelenting cold ones. He couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if she became a vampire.
To him, another vampire's skin felt normal, not as soft and warm as hers, but it felt like his own.
His body would lose its coldness and hardness for her, would it make a big difference? And most importantly, was it better or worse? Carlisle knew it was a terribly selfish thought, but he couldn't help it. It was her choice of course, Carlisle liked to think that he would never do anything against her wishes but could he let her die?
He wouldn't stop or persuade her but at the same time he didn't know if he would have the strength to let her go. After all, he had banished Edward to this existence, his loneliness and desperation had caught him in a weak moment and he sunk his teeth in his body. So how could he believe that he would listen to her last breath without trying to save her. Even if she hated him forever, she would at least still exist to hate him.
Immediately he pushed the thought aside.
It wouldn't come to that. She had made up her mind and he had to trust and respect it. And he had to trust Alice's ability. She would warn him, or so he hoped. On the other hand, she hadn't warned him about Lily either.
He stared at the now sleeping creature beside him. Her hands were wrapped around his torso as if she were afraid he would disappear if she let go of him.
The thought stung him and he wondered, as always, how much his brief disappearance had traumatized her. Carlisle took a deep breath, her even breathing and the calm heartbeat were like hypnosis and although he often took the opportunity to read a book, he just didn't feel like it. He just enjoyed the moment, God knew how much longer he could do it. He'd seen on the news that more and more people were disappearing in and around Seattle, and even he, who always hoped for the best, was sure it wasn't a coincidence.
Jasper was right.
Victoria knew she could never break the ranks of wolves and his family, so she made use of something stronger than her.
Newborns.
He remembered Edward, Rosalie, and Emmett.
Especially Emmett.
He had been almost impossible to tame. If Rosalie weren't his mate, Carlisle wouldn't be sure Emmett would have stayed with them. His ambition and strength would probably have led him to the south, where he would have fought to compete just for fun. A newborn alone was difficult to control, with the crowd that Victoria was transforming, there was no hope.
He still hoped the Volturi would stop them in time., but with each passing day he became more and more skeptical. Surely Aro wouldn't let Victoria gain so much attention. He had to stop her.
Edward had laughed at his thoughts.
Aro would take his time and wait.
He would take care of what whatever would be left. Whether it was Victoria or them. Carlilse struggled against the thought but couldn't help but see the reason in it. Aro had still been jealous of his family and the talents that were hidden in them and usually Aro got what he wanted.
Edward's refusal was a bitter pill to swallow and Carlisle wouldn't be surprised that Aro would rather let him die than see Edward stay with him and his family.
And there was Alice.
There was no bigger prize for him than her. With her at his side, he could see anything, anyone at anytime. It would make him invinsible. But he had also seen Edwards and Alice reasons for staying with him. They did not stay because they had to, they stayed because they loved Carlisle. A concept that was so foreign for Aro that he could not understand it. But he knew, to gain those two, Carlisle had to be gone.
It was a dark notion that didn't really fit his current situation.
After all, he was lying here with her, the rain was pounding on the roof, not far from the hut he heard heavy paws on the sodden ground, unmistakably from a wolf patrolling and a small malicious part of him hoped it was Paul and that his keen sense of smell was aware of her lying with him. Mostly the fact that they were naked and that there was still a certain scent in the air that was due to their activities.
And he could hear Emmett's whisteling, who obviously didn't trust the wolves enough and preferred to be around too.
In his entire existence, Carlisle had never cursed his keen senses as much as when it came to Emmett and Rosalie. He loved them both dearly, but together they were hard to bear.
It wasn't because he was older, maybe prudish or from a different time. It was just ... too much.
Way too much. He was never as happy to be able to leave the house as when they were staying with them and he also noticed that Edward and Esme fled regularly.
The situation was tense.
The pack wanted to train with them, or at least watch them. Sam wanted to prepare them so that they know what to expect.
Laurent was just one vampire and not a newborn and Carlisle had this depressing feeling that he had given the wolves a false sense of security. They were too self-confident and he sincerely hoped they would be right. It was bad enough that his presence had changed their life so drastically. To put them in danger too was terrible for him. They deserved better. Much better. All but Paul.
A low sigh broke through the silence and he glanced at the blond head on his shoulder. How she could breathe like that was a mystery to him, after all, she had his nose pressed stubbornly into his side. He could argue with himself for all eternity that they all deserved something better than him, for now he could enjoy the moment when, for once, everything was okay.
Despite Paul, despite Victoria or the Volturi.
She made everything right with her existence. And that was all that mattered.