The South
She knew about the armies in the south.
Wild and uncontrollable.
Created only to enforce territorial claims and then immediately destroyed as soon as the reached their purpose.
Jasper had told her of his past and though it should repulse her, it did not.
It was curiosity she felt.
Jasper had told her that their victims were mostly failed existences. Hermits, addicts, tourists.
It never stood out.
After all, people disappeared all the time on the Mexico border. It was nothing unusual.
Besides, the south was so notorious that not even the Volturi dared to intervene.
Of course, the leaders knew very well on which fine line they were moving, but obviously, they never crossed the line, again.
There were hundreds of them.
Unbridled, they quenched their thirst and fell upon those who were most vulnerable to them. Whole platoons of people who wanted to try their luck in the united states.
They set off, leaving everything behind, unaware that they would barely take two steps onto American soil.
A gruesome end to the American Dream.
Lily, of course, felt sorry for them.
How could she not? But still, there was something intriguing about this story.
She knew of her gift, she knew of her strength, and she also knew that here, in the north, she would find no one to really compete with.
The Volturi were out of her league, and there was still the danger of drawing Aro's attention to the clan.
She knew from Carlisle's stories that Aro envied him.
Not for his looks or his gifts, but for the talents in his family according to Aro.
Aro, caught in his ignorance, didn't even think about the fact that Carlisle didn't possess Alice and Edward. How could he.
Lily knew full well that he would be waiting to challenge Carlisle just to get his hands on those two.
What would he do then, should he know what Lily could do.
What danger she posed and what might she could give him.
It was perhaps a magnanimous thought, but Lily knew her uniqueness. After all, Carlisle had never met anyone with comparable power. And Carlisle really did know a lot of vampires.
The South promised to give her the answers she sought.
How strong was she really? What was she capable of? What did another life look like, besides this one?
But the South also meant something else, something that bored fervently into her unyielding flesh.
A separation from Carlisle.
The sheer thought seemed absurd.
How could she be without him.
But it couldn't be with him. Never should he see her like this, never should he see what she was capable of. Should he come with her, and he would, she was sure, she would have to restrain herself all the more and the whole thing would be for nothing.
Just thinking about it, she could see his downcast face in front of her. Those sad eyes, that beautiful rigid face.
It was heartbreaking.
He would want to go with her and swear on everything he held sacred not to judge her. And he wouldn't, Lily was sure he would never blame her. But he would find a way to himself.
Carlisle would smother himself in self-doubt.
If she asked him not to come, it would be the end of him.
It would be his downfall.
He could not understand it otherwise even if he tried. How could he, she would not understand it either.
Which was ridiculous, the thought that she wouldn't be with him to the end of her existence was ridiculous. But did that mean they now had to stay together 24 hours all the time?
He was at work, after all.
Sure, those were just days, and he was always apologizing for that but was his urge to help really that different from her urge to compete? She knew she was desperate to justify what she was doing.
And there it was.
It was her plan.
The thought became a plan.
She had to act quickly, for sure Alice had already seen her. She would soon return from the hunt with Jasper.
"Carlisle?"
"Mm?"
Lost in thought, he looked up from his book and Lily's breath caught.
Not that she needed it. But that's what happened when a god looked at you.
"What's wrong?"
His face darkened a little. Apparently she wasn't as mysterious as she thought.
"Can I suggest something without you referring to this suggestion in any way?"
Now he lapsed.
Apparently he couldn't.
"Why? What's wrong?"
His voice was panicked and Lily sighed.
She could still wait.
She could find an excuse.
But for what? The thought wouldn't let her go.
It would haunt her and there would never be a good time.
Ever.
"I've been thinking about making a trip."
His face lit up abruptly and he folded up the book.
"Of course! It might be a little early, but I think if we avoid towns and villages it might work!"
His eagerness broke her heart. As her next words would break his.
"I meant by myself."
Carlisle's gaze froze.
His face showed no emotion and Lily held her breath. The silence that surrounded them was deafening.
"Alone."
His voice was toneless.
"Only for a short time. Just to ...find myself, to get to know myself better. I never had been really alone."
She immediately reached for his hand, hoping the touch would do any good.
Carlisle eyes moved from her face to her hands. His hand was larger than hers, and though it wasn't true, she thought it was also more beautiful.
His fingers were long and elegant, his nails perfect, his skin nearly flawless. Carlisle swallowed, and she knew he was weighing his words very carefully. She hated herself for the fact that he apparently thought it was necessary.
"I know our lifestyle isn't necessarily what you had in mind, and I don't blame you. I understand you and accept you no matter what you choose. But you don't have to make a trip to do it, we can move, or you can hunt outside."
The words took a lot out of him, Lily could see it and it touched her heart that he was so open.
She believed him, she believed him that he didn't blame her but at the same time she knew that it wasn't a solution.
She couldn't go hunting and lie down with him in the evening after 12 hours of trying to help people. It couldn't work and it wasn't what she wanted either.
"No, that's not what I meant, at least ... not just."
"Then what is it? Do you want other-"
"No!"
She knew what he was getting at, and it was so absurd that she couldn't even let him say it.
How could she?
And who? Who could hold a candle to him?
"No, that has absolutely nothing to do with it, not even in the slightest."
He looked relieved, but worry was still written all over his face.
Again, he ruffled his hair with his free hand.
His blond locks looked disheveled, and Lily knew they were even softer than they looked.
But that wasn't the point now.
Maybe later.
"Then what is it?"
"It sounds ridiculous but I want to know...how strong I am."
Carlisle nodded and looked at her openly. His brown eyes flashed with understanding.
Typical Carlisle.
"That doesn't sound ridiculous."
She knew he would understand her, in a way.
At least he would try.
"But?"
He sighed and averted his eyes.
"But why do you have to make a trip to do this? Alone?"
Lily knew he would understand her curiosity, but not that she couldn't satisfy it here and with him.
But how could she tell him that she didn't want to show him that side of herself? That he would always make her restrain herself, hold back. His presence alone was enough.
She didn't know an answer to that, at least not an answer that wouldn't hurt him or that he wouldn't fight against.
"I don't agree with it, but I accept it."
Surprised, she looked up, obviously her silence doing the answering.
Alice must have told him something, because he seemed more composed than she had expected.
Carlisle trusted Alice, if she thought Lily would return to him unharmed, he would believe without a second thought. Lily couldn't explain his reaction any other way.
Another one of those things.
Lily trusted her new family, at least to some degree. But Alice versions were constantly changing, every new decision, every thought, could change everything. How could anyone trust that? But she certainly wouldn't voice her doubt just now when she benefits from it.
Carlisle leaned toward her and she felt the attraction drawing her to him.
Suddenly it seemed absurd to her again to be separated from him by choice. But what would a few weeks be compared to an eternity?
She had no idea about the phone call that would change everything.