It was like the calm before the storm. The air crackled with something Lily could hardly name. Perhaps it was her newly sharpened senses, her new abilities that she had received after her death. Or perhaps it was her intuition warning her.
Her heart should be bursting with anticipation, her skin trembling from the sheer thought of feeling his touch again.
But it was her mind that warned her.
She had seen the South and met other vampires, she had hunted, quenched her thirst, and seen the seemingly endless expanses and absurd rock formations of the so-called wild west.
This world of Hector's seemed so far away after the news of Bella's pregnancy. Almost absurd, as if it were fiction.
It was a different life, one that did not appeal to her. Even after her brief visit, Lily could see that these territorial battles were always about the same thing. No matter which warmonger crowned himself ruler, it was always the same.
It bored her already.
A wild mixture of colors passed her by. Contrary to her plan, she was on foot. She knew she'd be faster by plane, and she also knew Carlisle wouldn't have hesitated to book her a private jet right away, but it was a conscious decision.
She was stalling for time. It was pure selfishness that drove her, because she was stalling not for Bella or Carlisle but for herself. She had to think certain things through, make plans and be prepared for anything.
Carlisle would never leave his family, but from what she had heard from Alice and what the Nomads told her about immortal children, it was only a matter of time before the Cullen clan would disband. It would break Carlisle's heart, that much was certain, and just the thought of his impending pain was almost unbearable.
But it wasn't about Bella, Alice, the child, or Carlisle's heartbreak. It was about their future.
Removing the fetus would be impossible. Carlisle could do it, he was a gifted surgeon after all, but if Bella didn't survive, it put him in danger. A risk she could not take.
The Volturi would only wait for an opportunity to come. Carlisle had always been a thorn in their side, especially now. She had no illusions, she was sure that Hector and probably many more of his entourage had already informed the Volturi of her gift. How could they not, they would do anything to draw attention away from them.
The only question was when would the Volturi come and what would they do. After talking to Hector and his reaction to their feelings about Carlisle, it was clear that he was seen as her biggest weak point. Before they could get to her, they would have to get him out of the way.
Hector was no threat, he wouldn't dare come out of his shithole. He was having too much fun commanding his armies and fighting over random territories. But his strategy would probably be no different than the Volturi's. So if they came, they would go after Carlisle first. The heart of the family and her only reason to live.
The thought gnawed at her and ate her core. It presented her with a whole other problem.
How could she protect Carlisle while respecting his desire to stay with his family.
The air grew noticeably cooler, especially the nights. The humidity increased and she found it easier and easier to hunt during the day. She decided to focus on animal food again, though she had to make a few exceptions.
There were two bikers, drunk and a little too friendly with a girl who was helping out at a bar. The friendship ended behind said bar and before they could rip off her pants, a pitiful scream already died in her throat. It was a cliché and Lily hated it, but the opportunity was just too good to let it slip away. It didn't make her wrong right but at least it eased the guilt a little.
Already in Oregon, she was moving through the woods. The scent was familiar and the sky showed more and more cloudy. Now she felt the anticipation welling up inside her. Although she was also afraid, not only because her eyes were unseeing witnesses of her days, but also of the situation that would await her.
After crossing the Columbia River, she ran through the woods, which were repeatedly interrupted by clearcuts. It was strange how different the forest looked as soon as she entered the national park. People have never really respected nature, she thought to herself.
She avoided the area to the west, although she missed Paul, it was better he didn't see her like that. Especially not with those bright red eyes, besides, there was already enough drama hovering over the Cullen family. The last thing they needed now was a fight with the Quileutes.
Finally, she hit the 101 and when she read the crisp lettering "Forks," her body tingled.
Before Carlisle, the town sign was like a clue to her prison. There was no way out of Forks for her. She hated it, even when she was with Alex, Forks was always this oppressive lead town where everyone knew everyone, where everyone went to kindergarten, school and high school with everyone. Where everyone was related or at least friends with everyone. Now the meaning had changed. Forks meant Carlisle and there was nothing that could stop her now.
She quickened her pace and sped past familiar buildings and streets. She left everything behind until she reached this unobtrusive winding road. It was quite an idea to put the family home there of all places.
The road was so hidden that no one could get lost there. It was badly laid out, even and passable, but there was hardly room for more than one car. In any case, no one would dream that this road would lead to a house like that of the Cullens. It was almost as if they didn't want to be found.
Which was completely true.
Lily liked to take the road. It was unusual, but she liked the switchbacks, the hiding, and the familiar feeling.
Already she could smell his scent.
It was glorious.
Nothing had ever smelled better, at least not at that moment.
Before she could react, he was standing in front of her, pulling her into a tight hug.
His skin was warm and seemed almost human. The pallor was striking but noble enough not to be distracting. Her skin craved his touch and immediately she buried her nose in the crook of his neck. Her chest tightened as she took a deep breath. His hair, even softer than she remembered, tickled her skin and suddenly she didn't realize how she could ever be without him.
"I'm so glad you came."
His voice quivered in his chest and Lily was startled by how feeble he sounded.
"Did you ever doubt it?"
Her question was meant as a joke which she punctuated with the teasing undertone, but when no answer came from him, her heart broke.
Had he actually thought she could ever leave him? Was her adventure so selfish that he had doubted her every word?
"Come, let's go for a walk."
He led her away from the house, Lily following without resistance. It felt good to be alone with him, his scent was so unadulterated and she could focus entirely on him. Besides, something told her that she possibly shouldn't venture into the house without preparation.
"So, what did I miss?"
Lily decided that she would leave the subject of her absence alone. For now.
Now that she was here, where she could touch him and show him in many ways what he meant to her, she would make his doubts disappear. Or so she hoped.
Carlisle blew out a breath and turned his gaze to the darkening sky.
The moon was hiding behind a thick layer of clouds, and Lily wondered why it wasn't raining yet. Even without a light source, she could see Carlisle effortlessly. His fine features looked even more handsome than she had imagined. His lower lip was a little more sublime than the other, giving him a noble look. After all this time, Lily still couldn't believe how something so beautiful could exist. It sounded terribly corny, but she meant it without the love she felt for him. He was simply beautiful.
Although her human memories were already fading, she could still remember the exact moment when she saw him for the first time. Well, the second time. The first time she was full of pain and opiates. But she still knew exactly what was going through her head. He was just so ... beautiful.
She was annoyed that she couldn't find a better word for it. It was no nearly enough too describe him.
He looked like every model of every statue ever carved out of marble in Italy. On the other hand, he was so old, so maybe he had actually modeled for some statue of Apollo or some other god or hero.
"Where should I begin."
His voice shattered the silence and Lily remembered that she had asked him a question.
"Edward had called after a few weeks, saying that Bella was feeling something move in her stomach."
Lily shuddered inwardly. The very idea was terrifying.
She had never known if she wanted children or more importantly- should have them. Now the decision was taken away from her but, unlike Rosalie, she didn't feel it was a punishment. It was simply a fact and it didn't bother her much.
"Now the fetus is eating her from the inside and I cant-"
His voice broke and Lily squeezed his hand. He squinted and rubbed it with his other hand. A gesture that expressed how done he was.
"I can't help her."
She could hear the desperation, anger and frustration.
Carlisle's life revolved around helping others. It was what he knew and what he wanted to do. And he was good at it. Countless people's lives he had saved or made easier. It seemed all the more ironic that his own family should be broken by something neither his medical knowledge nor his venom could cure.
"How is that possible?"
He shrugged his shoulders.
"I don't know. I've never heard of such a thing."
Lily thought of herself and Carlisle. They hadn't protected themselves and admitted it never occurred to her that there was a reason for it. Apparently, neither had he.
And there it was.
The reason why it hit Carlisle so hard.
He didn't see just Bella, he saw her as well.
"Carlisle. It's not your fault."
He knew immediately what she was getting at, apparently this wasn't the first time these thoughts had plagued him.
"What if-"
"Well, it isn't. I'm fine, I'm here. The issue is done for us."
He took a deep breath and looked at her.
His eyes were darker than usual and she could see he hadn't hunted in a while.
It was typical for him; he'd probably thrown himself into research, putting his own well-being after everyone elses. She pulled him to her and reached up. The closer she got to his face, the more beautiful it became. The thick light lashes, the expressive brows, the cheekbones. Without hesitation she kissed him, enjoying the feeling that raged in her body. Even in this dark hour, it was heaven on earth.
After what seemed like an eternity, they broke away from each other and Carlisle rested his forehead on hers. His grip was firm, as if making sure she was really here.
"We should hunt."
Unexpectedly, he nodded and followed her.
Once again, the forest passed her by in a flurry of colors, and Lily was left with the feeling that the chaos had only just begun.